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Vam-parents: From the Eyes of a child

ShadamiShadami Posts: 3,458 Member
Hey everyone, this used to be a thread for something else, but I am repurposing it for a story that I don't know the outcome of. Mostly because my children are in control (with some guidance of course.) You're welcome to leave comments here on it, or over on my word press. But I wanted to have a place to post new parts when I get them up, and where readers can have conversations about it. So without further ado...

The Table of Contents:

Life as a Toddler
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Post edited by Shadami on
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Comments

  • ShadamiShadami Posts: 3,458 Member
    edited February 2018
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  • ShadamiShadami Posts: 3,458 Member
    edited February 2018
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  • ShadamiShadami Posts: 3,458 Member
    edited February 2018
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  • ShadamiShadami Posts: 3,458 Member
    edited February 2018
    Table of Contents for Return of the 7 Deadly Sins
    Return from Pergutory
    To the Island
    Still want a pet
    Post edited by Shadami on
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  • ShadamiShadami Posts: 3,458 Member
    I've added another story about the 7 deadly sins.
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    They're ghosts and the first to parts can be found
    here and here
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  • ShadamiShadami Posts: 3,458 Member
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  • ShadamiShadami Posts: 3,458 Member
    S1:E4 - First Date!
    S1:E5 -Fishing Elimination
    S1:E6 - Musical bladder test

    three more parts of the bachelor written and posted. xD
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  • ShadamiShadami Posts: 3,458 Member
    M0E37lY.png

    Chance Keener would like some penpals to write with.
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  • ShadamiShadami Posts: 3,458 Member
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  • ShadamiShadami Posts: 3,458 Member
    Since this isn't a spoiler exactly... I think xD I'm doing some editing up and some playthoughts to get ready for some future chapters with KC the spinoff of DBG. And Donovan aged up and the people that send him gifts were his grandfathers, his dead grandmother, and his two youngest aunts... one of which is not much older than he is. xD
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  • ShadamiShadami Posts: 3,458 Member
    The Table of Contents:
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    bKeRtDk.png
    dZ8JuHU.png
    iVZrYjZ.png
    vpIEukt.png
    52Sx4Gs.png
    Ds4VQY2.png
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    I've added this to the first post. While you're welcome to look at the other links of other stories I still have up at the moment. Things will probably be changing. I would like to separate my stories more as they get bigger, and I have more people reading and commenting on them. :3 That way there is a place that specific stories can be discussed. And any tips and suggestions have a place to go as well.

    Originally, this was so that I could have one link in my signature. But Changing up all of that.
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  • ArcherDKArcherDK Posts: 622 Member
    edited June 29
    Just finished reading the prologue and I have to say it is an interesting concept, to present a vampire story from perspective of a child.
    There are some typos and quite too many of the same pronouns. "Her, her her her her", "She she she she she", that kind o stuff. Also, some images in prologue 3 are missing.

    I really like how you presented Lilith as power-hungry, controlling and self-serving. I'm looking forward to seeing this interpretation of Lilith ahead.
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  • ShadamiShadami Posts: 3,458 Member
    Yeah I don't go back and edit my stories. They're typically train of thought blog type stories. And my typo corrector broke :/ it no longer works with WordPress, so I'm not surprised I missed stuff as I wrote. As for she she her her, my guess is that I probably wrote that way for the prologue on purpose. An annoyed child at her mother. It's been quite awhile since I wrote those original parts.

    The pictures though!?! No idea how those broke, I will try to fix them.
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  • ArcherDKArcherDK Posts: 622 Member
    @Shadami I've noticed this as I read on. Kathleen does appear annoyed and under pressure. BTW - do you prefer feedback on each individual chapter or all at once at the very end?
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  • ShadamiShadami Posts: 3,458 Member
    Whenever you feel like you have feedback honestly. :) Now that I'm actually awake for the day I'll try to fix those pictures you pointed out. Absolutely no idea how they broke.
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  • ArcherDKArcherDK Posts: 622 Member
    Okay, so I've finished reading your work and so I have a few things to say.
    First of all, I liked the style. Remembering the past approach definitely worked well and get me interested. Kathleen is built very well as a character and I could genuinely feel her emotions as she looked through the pictures.

    I also liked the fluidity of the story. It moved from topic to topic very well and never felt forced. I also liked how chapter progressively grew darker. Also, I loved how each next chapter painted previous ones in different light.

    I very much enjoyed chapters after Caleb and Bella began their affair. It was really gripping story twist and I enjoyed it a lot.

    On the negative side of things: too much Duchess. I love cats myself, but it felt as if her presence was just a filler. In fact, each chapter clearly had a few moments that could be removed or compressed. But that is only my opinion.

    Before I continue - I understand why things progressed the way they did. Thank you for explaining, BTW. I'm in no way trying to offend you or your kids.They seem like a lively bunch :-)

    With that said, chapter 10 ruined the immersion and experience completely for me. I kept on reading, but still it was just not as good. Not even remotely the same thing. A shame, really.

    The best part about the story is Kahtleen herself. If is genuinely interesting to read about her reactions and emotions during her time in the cabin.

    My favorite chapters are 7,8 and 9. Gripping, interesting.

    Did I like the story? At first it was a bit boring, but then it definitely picked up the power. Overall - yes. It was nice and fun up until chapter 10.

    Would I recommend the work? I think that yes. It definitely can entertain and has potential to it.

    I think that will be all. thank you for sharing your work. I had good time reading. Be well :-)
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  • ShadamiShadami Posts: 3,458 Member
    Thanks for reading and I absolutely understand. :D I wish I had more time to write these days but these three kiddos are quite the handful. One day I'll probably go back and rewrite it all and tell the full darker story I had in mind. But perhaps just as a story itself and not necessarily a Sims one. XD

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  • ArcherDKArcherDK Posts: 622 Member
    @Shadami Looking forward to it :-)
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