What are the best/worst one-liner jokes you have? «1…13141516171819…23...Next Go

Aggelie

What do you call a doctor that fixes websites? A URLologist

MRSMLOG

Q. What did the skeleton say to the vampire?
A. You su.ck

MRSMLOG

A magician was walking down the street and turned into a grocery store.

MRSMLOG

I'm so old, I remember when the Dead Sea was only sick.

MRSMLOG

Dry erase boards are remarkable!

MRSMLOG

A day without sunshine is like, night.

AmberEEC

I saw a mexican magician vanish on the count of 3. He said uno, dos *poof*, disapearred without a tres :)

Submarine

A man worked in a donut factory, but one day he said "I do nut want to work here anymore!"

DeKay

Have you heard of the butter joke...? Well, better not spread it.

Sorry that's like two lines.

SpidersWeb

Al Lowe (guy who created games like Leisure Suit Larry and many others) put out a good one the other day:

'I got a new job circumcising elephants at the zoo, the pay's not good but the tips are enormous!"

elliskane3

I am nobody - nobody is perfect - therefore I am perfect!

elliskane3

Why do graveyards have fences around them? Because people are dying to get in!

elliskane3

Lol. I like this one:
"Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak."

Eliavah

Hey is June over?
Yes?
Julying

MzRoadRunna

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

SeeCatt

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent.

Chipette92

The forecast for tonight. Dark.

emmaning

Yours was funny. Here's mine:

I went in a store. I asked where I could find a place to wee... Turns out they didn't understand and directed me to the wii section.

I have another:
I wanted to buy an Xbox from the shop. They handed me a box of eggs and said 'enjoy the eggs box' when I wanted an Xbox.

And another:
I went to the shop. I asked where I could buy a station I could use to play. They directed me to the playstation isle. I didn't want a console, I innocently wanted play equipment.

Chipette92

Yours definitely funny, the Xbox one gets me every time xD
Probably the worst one I know is: What do you get if you take the venom out of a snake? A belt

elliskane3

I can handle pain until it hurts.

Chipette92

Oh another one. Whiteboards are remarkable :D

emmaning

Chipette92 wrote: »

Yours definitely funny, the Xbox one gets me every time xD
Probably the worst one I know is: What do you get if you take the venom out of a snake? A belt

I pretty much love consoles. Bonus jokes:
I went to the store and asked for a 3d. I wanted a 3ds and they charged me for a 3d TV! Turned out they didn't get it...

I went to the store and asked for some pass p when before I got a chance to finish, they handed me the playatation portable. I wanted a pass port not a psp!

I asked for a revolutionary outer space vista of all consoles. They gave me a psvi(s)ta when really I wanted a gaming PC with the magical vista I'd seen on TV. The ads said it was magic.



I don't think anyone will ge the last one but eh it's ok I suppose. It's basicly mixing them old vista ads with the new psvita. It works well when i explain it but otherwise the joke looks like I typed the wrong one.

Chipette92

Longest joke I have running.. I will clean my room :)

DeKay

What's the difference between the United States and a flashdrive?

One is USA and the other is USB.

twiddle3

A Boat carrying yellow paint and a Boat carrying red paint collided at sea, Both ships were marooned.

Two Parrots sat on a perch, One says to the other "Can you smell fish?"

Thats the only cringe worthy One-liners i know. XD