What are the best/worst one-liner jokes you have? «1…6789101112…23...Next Go

thesimsfairy47

Teacher: "Anyone who thinks he's 🐸🐸🐸🐸 may stand up!"
*Nobody stands up*
Teacher: "Im sure there are some 🐸🐸🐸🐸 students over here!!"
*Little Johnny stands up*
Teacher: "Ohh, Johnny you think you're 🐸🐸🐸🐸?"
Little Johnny: "No... i just feel bad that you're standing alone..."

Edit:
I can't believe 🐸🐸🐸🐸 is censored

thesimsfairy47

Police: where do u live?
Me: with my parents
Police: where does ur parents live?
Me: with me
Police: where do u all live?
Me: together
Police: where is ur house?
Me: next to my neighbors house
Police: where is your neighbors house?
Me: if i tell you u wont believe me.
Police: tell me
Me: next to my house

thesimsfairy47

3 drunk guys enterd a taxi. The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine & turned it off again. Then said, "We have reached your destination". The 1st guy gave him money & the 2nd guy said "Thank you". The 3rd guy slapped the driver. The driver was shocked thinking the 3rd drunk knew what he did. But then he asked "What was that for?". The 3rd guy replied, "Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!"

thesimsfairy47

Cop: "Did you kill this man?"
Me: "No, a bullet killed him. Bullets are made of lead, which comes from the ground. The ground is part of nature. He died of natural causes. Case closed."

thesimsfairy47

I was in in the public restroom
I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice in the other stall:
"Hi, how are you?"
Me: (embarrassed) "Doin' fine!"
Stall: "So what are you up to?"
Me: "Uhhh, I'm like you, just sitting here."
Stall: "Can I come over?"
Me: (attitude) "No, I'm a little busy right now!!"
Stall: "Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!

ratsrbest

Who invented fractions? ......... Henry Vlllth

MiffoShort

I heard this a while ago and I hope you find it as funny as I do.

Why does old people's skin sag downwards?
Because their being pulled to the underworld

Matthew.

thesimsfairy47

What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.

thesimsfairy47

A 3 years old boy sits near a pregnant woman.
Boy: Why do you look so fat?
Pregnant woman: I have a baby inside me.
Boy: Is it a good baby?
Pregnant woman: Yes, it is a very good baby.
Boy: Then why did you eat it?!

thesimsfairy47

What did the duck say when he bought lipstick? "Put it on my bill."

thesimsfairy47

Girl 1: "What does IDK stand for?"
Girl 2: "I don’t know."
Girl 1: "OMG, nobody does!"

KayeStar

thesimsfairy47 wrote: »

Cop: "Did you kill this man?"
Me: "No, a bullet killed him. Bullets are made of lead, which comes from the ground. The ground is part of nature. He died of natural causes. Case closed."

I know it's a joke, but that's what I call mental gymnastics!

KayeStar

"Keyboards are my favorite type of technology."

"An Italian restaurant at a mall I went to had a sign that said ciao down."

"The flower rose from the ground."

"The Sims is actually a SIMple game."

ratsrbest

Where would you take a wasp when he's ill? ............ To waspital.

MiffoShort

What happens to a chip if it survives the sinking of a ship?
It becomes chipwrecked

Matthew.

KleineMuff

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather...not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

KleineMuff

We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

thesimsfairy47

KleineMuff wrote: »

We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

I've read these jokes on a website, is that where you got them?

MiffoShort

Here's a quick one for you

My auntie said slow and steady wins the race ... She died in a fire

Matthew.

thesimsfairy47

MiffoShort wrote: »

Here's a quick one for you

My auntie said slow and steady wins the race ... She died in a fire

Matthew.

I hope your auntie didn't die in fire

MiffoShort

She didn't In fact she's still alive and hopefully will be for many more years to come!

Matthew.

KleineMuff

I haven't talked to my wife in three weeks. I didn't want to interrupt her.

KleineMuff

thesimsfairy47 wrote: »

KleineMuff wrote: »

We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

I've read these jokes on a website, is that where you got them?

I obviously didn't come up with them by myself but I also can't remember every joke I've ever heard. So yeah, I think every joke in here can be found on a website.

elliskane3

My friend started a band called "999 Megabytes"...They haven't gotten a gig yet!

KleineMuff

Q: Why is it hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs?

A: Because they always take things literally.