Wow I haven't thought that so many would try to read the German version. This was actually the first time I wrote something in German and it sounded really weird in my ears but I wanted to try it once. Now here is the English version
My beloved Angeline,
I know that I haven’t wrote to you for a longer time. With every breath I miss you more and more and I wish you would be still with me. I still can’t believe that it already more than four years passed since your death. I miss you. I will never forgive your parents. They just let you die. It is all their fault. It always had been. They tried to separate us, to drive a wedge between us. You had been still so young and you wanted believe them their lies. They destroyed everything. I thought I could ban you at least for a few hours out of my mind but you always find a way back there.
Last night I went with some friends and colleagues to a bar. Maruice wanted us to meet his new one. I thought really that it had to be somthing serious but that plumhead disappeared at the beginning just because his little one was a bit late. I would wait forever for you Angel, you know that right?
The girls name was Shaiyenne and she was really quite pretty. With you you can’t compare her but nobody can be compared to you. She was quite angry upset and confused cause of her boyfriend. She drank a bit too much. It was easy to speak with her and with a few compliments in combination with alcohol she seemed to get affectionate. I really just wanted to get away from my grief, Angel, you believe me that right? I wanted to say goodbye more than once but somehow it was not possible. I know that I shouldn’t had used her. I miss you so much. When we were in the closet I imagined that you would have been the one I had in my arms. How it would be if I kiss you … However, I know that you would have never reacted like that. You would have never gone with me into a closet for our first time. Honestly, I wouldn’t have wanted it either. You would have deserved something better.
Shai was beautiful and I liked her enough to went home with her. I tried my best to go on. Maybe she was the right to start a family. After all I would have now the right conditions. You know, now that I am no longer working on underground activities and I became a honourable policeman. Never again should people like your parents get away with their sins. I would make sure of it.
But as I came closer to Shais house my breath stocked. It was your house. I didn’t plan it, I swear. Although I wouldn’t have been able to plan it better. I could be close to you again. I could feel how the excitement was rising inside of me. Partly I couldn’t wait to see your old home and to see the memories clear again. But the other part of me was afraid of the empty house. You weren’t here and you would never return.
I clenched my teeth and entered the house with Shaiyenne. For a moment I thought that I would hear music from the living room but this was just my imagination, right?
When Shai wated to bring me upstairs I turned my head one last time to your favourite piano. My heart started to pound like crazy against my rips. A daintily figure stood in the floor and looked to us. She was only made out of light and was nearly invisible, but nevertheless I knew what I had seen. It was you right? Or am I just imagine it? Please my angel, tell me that you haven’t left this world yet. I would do everything that you could get back. You are everything to me.
This guy gives me the creeps! A police officer?! I guess that means Angel's murder is an unsolved one. Hopefully the guy'll get what he deserves some day!
I have cold chills...your translation is perfect and made everything clear. That psychopath is going to revive her! What should Angel do? And should she warn Shai? Because I believe he will woo Shai into marrying him.
This guy gives me the creeps! A police officer?! I guess that means Angel's murder is an unsolved one. Hopefully the guy'll get what he deserves some day!
Angels father is a secret agent but even he couldn't find her murderer. Once I have to show you his trailer. It turned out as creepy as he is
I have cold chills...your translation is perfect and made everything clear. That psychopath is going to revive her! What should Angel do? And should she warn Shai? Because I believe he will woo Shai into marrying him.
Awesome story!!!!
Angel has no idea who he is. She doesn't recognize him as her murderer. She is just afraid of him and doesn't know why. Later we will see more of her thoughts
Holy cats every hair on my body stood on its end! Very well written and I have to agree - this person is not in his right mind...Cant wait to see his backstory
The most of my memories of THAT night had come back over the last two weeks. The sick feeling I had had in the morning stayed. I didn’t have to be a genius to know what that meant. Plum. I knew that it wasn’t Maruices baby cause we had been always very careful but at this night I hadn’t been. I avoided Maruice since that night but he did the same with me. No calls no apology. Nothing. I guess I didn’t deserve it different. I destroyed our relationship. George had written me a text message the morning after. He had written that it had been a wonderful night and that we should do this again. I wrote back that I didn’t had much time now and that I would say it when it changed. I was so ashamed. I couldn’t believe what I had done and now I would call George to tell him that he would be a father? I barely knew him. Not the best situation you brought yourself in, Shai. But for now I had two different things to do before I would call George. The first thing was taking that plum pregnancy test and let my last hopes disappear. The second thing was calling Maruice and tell him the truth or at least break up with him.
I put on some cloths and made me ready for the work. I knew that Maruice had a lot to do so I decided to call him right now. I took my mobile phone out of my pocket and dialed slowly his number.
“Hello?”
Okay, don’t panic. He had a bit time now.
“Hi, here is Shai … can we meet this evening?”
“I think I have a bit time … I wanted to call you as well. Maybe we should discuss it in the new diner around the corner?”
On the way Maruice spoke I could feel how I got even more nervous. Did one of his colleagues tell him what had happened? I was pretty sure that he would break up with me. Good, then I hadn’t to do it.
“Okay. 7 p.m?”
“Okay.”
After that awkward Silence followed for a few moments.
“See you then, bye.”
“Bye.”
I hadn’t recognised that I held my breath nut now I realised it. I was relieved that I had called him. I breathed in and out again to stop my heart from racing that fast. Okay now came the test.
As expected it was positive. Plum. I always said that I wanted kids but not this way. I was not ready yet. I was pretty sure George would feel the same way. However, my mind still found other things to think of first. For example what I should wear at my meeting with Maruice. Should I even think about something like that when the result of the evening was clear? Why should I make any afford for breaking up with him? When I tell him the truth if he didn’t know it already I would be just a “🐸🐸🐸🐸” in his eyes. I betrayed him and no matter how hurt I felt what I had done was not right.
I stood outside of the diner. I was unable to open the door made out of glass. The neon sign open flickered a bit as if a moth flew against it and died. I wished I could be this moth now. I was confident when everything went like it should but now I felt lost. Maruice was already inside. I could see him through a window. That meant that he could see me too. Okay. Now or never.
I opened the door and stepped inside. The diner was nothing special. It should look like an original American diner but somehow it got a lumberjack touch. It looked nice and for another occasion I may would like it here. Somehow I could feel that this was a perfect place for two sorts of meetings with your boyfriend. The first sort was for teenagers who couldn’t afford more and the other reason was for a break up. If I wouldn’t knew what was going to happen next I would have been disappointed why Maruice took this diner for a date. I mean I knew that he liked this kind of food and that he got discounts for being a policeman but it was not really my style.
Our greeting was not more than a nod. I didn’t know how long we studied the menu before we decided for something but it felt like hours of awkward silence.
When finally the waiter came to take our orders I think I already knew the whole menu by heart. I ordered grilled chicken and an orange juice while Maruice decided for a steak and a coffee. Oh how much i hated it that I shouldn’t drink coffee while I was pregnant. I already felt how the withdrawal of the coffin let my hands shake. Maybe it was just cause I was nervous.
For a while we both stared in an other direction and avoided our gazes to meet. When it accidently happened we both looked quickly away. Maruice would end this before I could. I was a bit relieved. I guess it had never really worked out between us. It had been fun for a while but … I guess it was just the best. I hoped it. I hoped that I would be able to be a good mother. For a few moments in our relationship I thought Maruice could be the one who is the future father of my kids but now I knew that this was never meant to happen. On the way he behaved Maruice knew it too.
Then Maruice decided to let the silence before the storm end.
“Hey Shai, I know that I may should wait until we ate at least our food but I think I have to start now or I will keep this conversation just longer unspoken.”
“I know what you mean. This silence is killing me, believe me.”
“It is not working, isn’t it?”
“Not the way it should …”
For a few moments we were silent again. I thought of all the good times in our relationship. Once Maruice took me to the cinema and it felt just so good to watch the film in his arms. At this thought I was close to loose my brave mask. I really wanted to get this happy moments back. I wanted them for the rest of my life but it wasn’t Maruice I wanted. I thought of the bad times. Every night he left me after we loved each other. Sometimes I hadn’t heard anything from him for days. The feeling of anger and worrying about him were still there like the taste of garlic after brushing your teeth.
“Maybe we can stay friends, Shai. I guess I am just not made for a longer relationship. I really hoped that with you it would be different, but I acted like always. As soon as it got serious I searched for a reason to break up or at least to keep the distance. I really like you Shai and if I would have been ever ready for a real relationship then I wished that it was you at my side.”
Kind of a good breaking up line …
Now it was my turn. I felt how my hands started to sweat. After that how should I say him what happened?
“It is nice of you to say that and I really thought it could be something between us but I guess it wasn’t the right for me either. I was so sick of all the little rejectors of you. Believe me it is no excuse. There is no excuse for what I have done…”
I closed my eyes not able to look into his eyes anymore. I took a deep breath and started to speak again.
“Maruice, I slept with someone else. I was really drunk and so angry that you left me alone at this bar and … plum. I am trying to find an excuse where there is just none.”
I didn’t dare to open my eyes and so I was even more surprised at what he said then.
“I know of it. George told me from it. This guy is head over heels in love with you or at least it seems like that. Maybe you should call him. He is a nice young man.”
I was not sure if he was joking or if he really wanted me to call one of his colleagues. Was he hurt? He knew it already. Maybe he could handle it better than I thought.
We decided to try to stay friends. We both knew that this might not happen but it felt good to have at least someone I could call if I couldn’t talk to anyone else. We chatted a while but now I wanted him to know the whole truth. It was driving me crazy to tell nobody about what happened. I couldn’t tell it the art group I was in cause they weren’t really my friends. My parents lived far away and I bet my mother would insist to go visiting me and that was not what I needed now. My colleagues I didn’t know enough and the only person I really could call a friend sat next to me.
“There is one last thing I want you to know. I … I …”
Plum that was hard. Maybe cause when I was talking about it it would feel so much more like reality.
“I am pregnant. I … I know I have to tell it George but what if … I don’t know. I know nothing anymore.”
For a while I could just look at Maruices shocked face. I understand him. It could have been his.
“Tell him. He deserves to know it. What he does then is up to him. No matter what happens I will be there for you. Okay?”
I thought he would yell at me or something like that. I had imagined all bad sceneries but that was a surprise.
“Are you sure? Maybe I need a parking ticket to disappear.”
Lame joke. But it seemed to work. Maurice smiled at me and said that I knew what he meant. I knew and I was happy to have him as a friend. I hoped he would stay one.
After we finished our meals we hugged to say goodbye. I made it. I made things clear and my heart felt as if a heavy weight was lifted from it. By the thought of the next call I would make it suddenly didn’t felt that light anymore.
Poor thing...I'm surprised George waited on her to call. I know he's going to move in! Ahhhh!
Shai doesn't have an easy situation, but she isn't Angel so George isn't that obsessed. To the moving in thing … you could be right. Next chapter is an Angel chapter again and I already took the screenshots. I can't wait to show them to you. They turned out pretty nice
Maruice is very good person... Other man would yell at Shai and would send her to hell, she's really lucky having him as her friend. And so, baby is on the way... I'm sure George will be happy as he can move in her house where Angel lived Waiting so much for the next chapter!
Well, I think Shai is really better of without Maruice. The guy kind of acted like a jerk.
I also hope she won't make any hesitate decisions with George, that guy is crazy after all
I wonder what George is going to do if he moves in with Shai and finds out Angel still "lives" there. Will he try to get rid of Shai to be only with Angel even when she's a ghost?
And ... the stage is set for drama! I'm glad of this scene with Maurice. Some people are like that - not so great at relationships but amazing friends. I hope he'll be there for Shai when George's crazy starts to come out.
Maruice is very good person... Other man would yell at Shai and would send her to plum, she's really lucky having him as her friend. And so, baby is on the way... I'm sure George will be happy as he can move in her house where Angel lived Waiting so much for the next chapter!
Maurice may has his faults but he still is a good person. I agree with you. We will see how George will react soon
Well, I think Shai is really better of without Maruice. The guy kind of acted like a jerk.
I also hope she won't make any hesitate decisions with George, that guy is crazy after all
Maruice is married with his job. He barely has time for something else even though he tries it. Shai doesn't know who George is or that he is not the nice guy she met. So … we will see
I wonder what George is going to do if he moves in with Shai and finds out Angel still "lives" there. Will he try to get rid of Shai to be only with Angel even when she's a ghost?
The next chapter should say nothing about it. Or a tiny bit? It is up to you how to see it
And ... the stage is set for drama! I'm glad of this scene with Maurice. Some people are like that - not so great at relationships but amazing friends. I hope he'll be there for Shai when George's crazy starts to come out.
Sani can be glad to have Maurice as her friend but we may should not forget that he is also a friend of George…
I had never been strong. I still wasn’t. If I was strong I wouldn’t hide. I wouldn’t be afraid without a reason. It had been just a guy. I tired to figure out why I felt cold shivers on my whole body whenever I remembered that moment when he had looked at me. Maybe I just felt caught because I didn’t want Shai to hear me playing the piano. Maybe I had been just shocked that she brought someone else home. Maybe I didn’t like this man. Maybe I was just afraid of him cause I had been afraid my whole life of strangers. I had always tried to be nice but most of the time I really had just wanted to hide. Maybe it had frightened me so much that he could may see me. Maybe I was afraid of how someone could react if they could see me. I had never been someone who wants to frighten someone. Even to make someone feel bad was making me feeling very uncomfortable.
No matter what reasons I told myself nothing of that seemed to fit really. Whenever I thought of going out of the darkness again the fear kept me down here. I didn’t know how much time had passed now but I was sure that it had to be at least over a month. I had counted the times how often i had felt the pull of the night. After 30 times it got weaker and weaker. The darkness swallowed the feeling and my opportunity to get out here again. The darkness ate me too. It ate my good feeling when I had played the piano again. It ate my hope for being more than what I was now. The darkness was pulling and pushing at me. It ate my memories. With every memory of my past that lost its colour and brightness I could feel how my light figure lost on energy. What would happen if I just gave up? Would the darkness let me disappear as if I had never existed? I guessed that I should know it now soon enough. The heaviness of this place put me down like an anchor. I felt how I tried to breath in air but the anchor brought me that deep under the sea that all I could fill my lungs with was salty water which made me feel sick. I was that deep down in the water that no fish was here anymore. No light. No hope. No way to escape. No hero in armour who could help me. I was loosing. I wanted to give myself up. I was ready to become the darkness if it meant to escape my feelings.
For a moment my sight flickered. Had it been my sight or my light body? I was not sure. It wasn’t the first time that this had happened.
I stood up and looked around. Everything was dark as always but somehow I knew that I wasn’t alone anymore. I knew this feeling. I had felt it already once but this time I was not afraid. At the same time I felt stronger and weaker than the last time. The darkness was close to my heart now and it felt like poison but now I knew that he was no danger to me. He just wanted to help me even though he was not able to. It seemed as if nobody was.
I had not seen his eyes but I could feel his gaze on my back. He was behind me and was watching me. Why was he here again? He couldn’t help me. He had told me that already. Could I may ask him if I could speak with the Reaper himself? Would this even make any difference? If the Reaper wanted to tell me what was going on here he would tell me, right? I let my shoulders fall down. The glimmer of hope disappeared as fast as it had come over me. He couldn’t do something for me. I would be down here until I became a part of the darkness.
I turned my head, unable to full turn around to the Reapers helper. He stood there as if the darkness had spitted him out. There was no use to walk here because there was nothing you could reach. The darkness never seemed to change. It was all black in black. I wouldn’t go to him. I feared that I just wished that he was here, that anybody was here.
“Why are you here?”
The sound of my voice scared me. I thought that I would scream at him but it was barely more than a whisper and even that was breaking the whole time. Did he hear me? I guessed that he did. He had even heard it when I had sung here so this shouldn’t be a problem. When was the last time I had sung down here? I couldn’t remember. It felt unnatural to use my voice. Maybe because I hadn’t any use for it anymore. It was a foreign body that somebody had placed inside of me but it wasn’t a part of myself. It had turned into a fantasy. A fantasy where I had had a life and with that use for it.
I turned around when I felt that he had come closer to me. I looked at him. Was it possible that he had lied to me? I watched how he opened his mouth. No he didn’t seem dead to me. He said that he was dead too but something, was it the way he moved or spoke, told me that it had to be different. It took a few moments before my head could put the words he had spoken to a full sentence with a meaning.
“I could ask you the same. I thought you enjoy it up there.”
“I thought so too.”
For a while we both stayed quiet. I had been really happier for a while but now … Now being up there would mean being afraid. Plum. Being down here meant the same.
“Don’t give up that easily.”
I was surprised by his words. Did that mean that I was able to make a decision? If I gave completely up what would happen then?
“You wouldn’t want to know it. Angel, believe me that. I tried to speak with … I still don’t know why he keeps you here. I tried to find it out but I couldn’t. I am sorry. But no matter what happens in life has a meaning. There have to be something.”
“And what could that be?”
I could see that he didn’t know it and I felt plum to ask but I had to. I had to ask and if it was just to speak about anything.
“I don’t know. My job is to collect the souls of the dead and bring them to the next step. All I know is where the portal to this is. It stands here in the darkness. The sense of the darkness is to let the dead think of their life for a few moments. They should think of their faults which they should regret and the family whom they should miss. Then I can bring them to the next step. I don’t know what happens if someone is here longer than a few moments but it is nothing that should happen. I wish I would know it. It can’t be good to be here so long. All I can do is to bring you to the portal too, but I fear that you are not able to go through it.”
“Bring me to it.”
It bursted out of me before I could stop myself. I needed to try it. What if it was all just a mistake and I could make it good again myself? It wasn’t dangerous to try it and if it was what would I loose? I was dead and my hopes were disappearing with every moment more.
He just nodded and made a wink to follow him. We walked for a few long moments deeper and deeper into the black. I felt very tiny in this moment and no matter how hard I tried to tell myself that I shouldn’t hope too much I felt that I did.
The way felt different. Was that even possible? The darkness became less … how should I describe it? It was still dark but then it wasn’t. Then he stopped.
“We are at the portal.”
I looked around but there was nothing. I wanted to say something to the deaths helper when I saw how a bit black dust flew away.
Then the darkness went away a bit more and I could see it. It looked like a high door. No that was not the way to describe it. It was much more a corridor. It seemed like it was bowed a bit. I could see that it became brighter and brighter in the distance. Around the portal where stone ruins of an old building. I didn’t know anything about it. The only thing I knew was that if I went the stair up I would be able to touch the portal.
“Try it. I hope that it works.”
This was all I needed. I walked closer to the only light I had ever seen here and it was brighter than anything else. I knew that something had been in the voice of the helper but I was too focused on the hope to hear it.
I took every stair careful and a bit slower. The portal was vibrating a little bit. It felt as if it was calling me to come closer. Or was it warning me? I wasn’t sure. I felt his eyes on me with every step and I got more and more tired. The portal had seemed so close but now it felt as if I was climbing up a mountain. When I finally stood on the last stair I got suddenly nervous. Should I really do this? Should I leave this world? Just one touch and I would maybe disappear forever. I wanted this, right? I was ready, I knew that. I thought that the helper would come closer to me and say me that everything was alright and that I just had to try it, but he stood there and watched me where I left him.
I took a deep breath.
Great chapter! Now I'll be thinking if she went to another side or not and if she did what she found there... Waiting for the next chapter impatiently!
Comments
My beloved Angeline,
I know that I haven’t wrote to you for a longer time. With every breath I miss you more and more and I wish you would be still with me. I still can’t believe that it already more than four years passed since your death. I miss you. I will never forgive your parents. They just let you die. It is all their fault. It always had been. They tried to separate us, to drive a wedge between us. You had been still so young and you wanted believe them their lies. They destroyed everything. I thought I could ban you at least for a few hours out of my mind but you always find a way back there.
Last night I went with some friends and colleagues to a bar. Maruice wanted us to meet his new one. I thought really that it had to be somthing serious but that plumhead disappeared at the beginning just because his little one was a bit late. I would wait forever for you Angel, you know that right?
The girls name was Shaiyenne and she was really quite pretty. With you you can’t compare her but nobody can be compared to you. She was quite angry upset and confused cause of her boyfriend. She drank a bit too much. It was easy to speak with her and with a few compliments in combination with alcohol she seemed to get affectionate. I really just wanted to get away from my grief, Angel, you believe me that right? I wanted to say goodbye more than once but somehow it was not possible. I know that I shouldn’t had used her. I miss you so much. When we were in the closet I imagined that you would have been the one I had in my arms. How it would be if I kiss you … However, I know that you would have never reacted like that. You would have never gone with me into a closet for our first time. Honestly, I wouldn’t have wanted it either. You would have deserved something better.
Shai was beautiful and I liked her enough to went home with her. I tried my best to go on. Maybe she was the right to start a family. After all I would have now the right conditions. You know, now that I am no longer working on underground activities and I became a honourable policeman. Never again should people like your parents get away with their sins. I would make sure of it.
But as I came closer to Shais house my breath stocked. It was your house. I didn’t plan it, I swear. Although I wouldn’t have been able to plan it better. I could be close to you again. I could feel how the excitement was rising inside of me. Partly I couldn’t wait to see your old home and to see the memories clear again. But the other part of me was afraid of the empty house. You weren’t here and you would never return.
I clenched my teeth and entered the house with Shaiyenne. For a moment I thought that I would hear music from the living room but this was just my imagination, right?
When Shai wated to bring me upstairs I turned my head one last time to your favourite piano. My heart started to pound like crazy against my rips. A daintily figure stood in the floor and looked to us. She was only made out of light and was nearly invisible, but nevertheless I knew what I had seen. It was you right? Or am I just imagine it? Please my angel, tell me that you haven’t left this world yet. I would do everything that you could get back. You are everything to me.
I love you forever.
Sucker for pain - Evina's story
Awesome story!!!!
A.I.T.M (Alone In The Mars)
Forgotten Swans tribe
Hemera's Sims-story Corner
Hemera plays Sims 3
HEFFNER LEGACY│Simblr│Heffner Legacy Discussion │ Origin ID: Maladi
LOL!
On my Blog:
After Kasanovas come Blaubers|The strange body|Nexir, forgotten King|Signature by @Marialein
Angels father is a secret agent but even he couldn't find her murderer. Once I have to show you his trailer. It turned out as creepy as he is
Angel has no idea who he is. She doesn't recognize him as her murderer. She is just afraid of him and doesn't know why. Later we will see more of her thoughts
Yeah he is not really healthy.
He is a bit creepy
Maybe baby
Sucker for pain - Evina's story
Lifestyles Legacy Challenge
Simtation Island
Vet & Home Challenge
LOL!
Lifestyles Legacy Challenge
Simtation Island
Vet & Home Challenge
Because he's dead serious about her. He can't give it a rest while there's still a chance.
HEFFNER LEGACY│Simblr│Heffner Legacy Discussion │ Origin ID: Maladi
The most of my memories of THAT night had come back over the last two weeks. The sick feeling I had had in the morning stayed. I didn’t have to be a genius to know what that meant. Plum. I knew that it wasn’t Maruices baby cause we had been always very careful but at this night I hadn’t been. I avoided Maruice since that night but he did the same with me. No calls no apology. Nothing. I guess I didn’t deserve it different. I destroyed our relationship. George had written me a text message the morning after. He had written that it had been a wonderful night and that we should do this again. I wrote back that I didn’t had much time now and that I would say it when it changed. I was so ashamed. I couldn’t believe what I had done and now I would call George to tell him that he would be a father? I barely knew him. Not the best situation you brought yourself in, Shai. But for now I had two different things to do before I would call George. The first thing was taking that plum pregnancy test and let my last hopes disappear. The second thing was calling Maruice and tell him the truth or at least break up with him.
I put on some cloths and made me ready for the work. I knew that Maruice had a lot to do so I decided to call him right now. I took my mobile phone out of my pocket and dialed slowly his number.
“Hello?”
Okay, don’t panic. He had a bit time now.
“Hi, here is Shai … can we meet this evening?”
“I think I have a bit time … I wanted to call you as well. Maybe we should discuss it in the new diner around the corner?”
On the way Maruice spoke I could feel how I got even more nervous. Did one of his colleagues tell him what had happened? I was pretty sure that he would break up with me. Good, then I hadn’t to do it.
“Okay. 7 p.m?”
“Okay.”
After that awkward Silence followed for a few moments.
“See you then, bye.”
“Bye.”
I hadn’t recognised that I held my breath nut now I realised it. I was relieved that I had called him. I breathed in and out again to stop my heart from racing that fast. Okay now came the test.
As expected it was positive. Plum. I always said that I wanted kids but not this way. I was not ready yet. I was pretty sure George would feel the same way. However, my mind still found other things to think of first. For example what I should wear at my meeting with Maruice. Should I even think about something like that when the result of the evening was clear? Why should I make any afford for breaking up with him? When I tell him the truth if he didn’t know it already I would be just a “🐸🐸🐸🐸” in his eyes. I betrayed him and no matter how hurt I felt what I had done was not right.
I stood outside of the diner. I was unable to open the door made out of glass. The neon sign open flickered a bit as if a moth flew against it and died. I wished I could be this moth now. I was confident when everything went like it should but now I felt lost. Maruice was already inside. I could see him through a window. That meant that he could see me too. Okay. Now or never.
I opened the door and stepped inside. The diner was nothing special. It should look like an original American diner but somehow it got a lumberjack touch. It looked nice and for another occasion I may would like it here. Somehow I could feel that this was a perfect place for two sorts of meetings with your boyfriend. The first sort was for teenagers who couldn’t afford more and the other reason was for a break up. If I wouldn’t knew what was going to happen next I would have been disappointed why Maruice took this diner for a date. I mean I knew that he liked this kind of food and that he got discounts for being a policeman but it was not really my style.
Our greeting was not more than a nod. I didn’t know how long we studied the menu before we decided for something but it felt like hours of awkward silence.
When finally the waiter came to take our orders I think I already knew the whole menu by heart. I ordered grilled chicken and an orange juice while Maruice decided for a steak and a coffee. Oh how much i hated it that I shouldn’t drink coffee while I was pregnant. I already felt how the withdrawal of the coffin let my hands shake. Maybe it was just cause I was nervous.
For a while we both stared in an other direction and avoided our gazes to meet. When it accidently happened we both looked quickly away. Maruice would end this before I could. I was a bit relieved. I guess it had never really worked out between us. It had been fun for a while but … I guess it was just the best. I hoped it. I hoped that I would be able to be a good mother. For a few moments in our relationship I thought Maruice could be the one who is the future father of my kids but now I knew that this was never meant to happen. On the way he behaved Maruice knew it too.
Then Maruice decided to let the silence before the storm end.
“Hey Shai, I know that I may should wait until we ate at least our food but I think I have to start now or I will keep this conversation just longer unspoken.”
“I know what you mean. This silence is killing me, believe me.”
“It is not working, isn’t it?”
“Not the way it should …”
For a few moments we were silent again. I thought of all the good times in our relationship. Once Maruice took me to the cinema and it felt just so good to watch the film in his arms. At this thought I was close to loose my brave mask. I really wanted to get this happy moments back. I wanted them for the rest of my life but it wasn’t Maruice I wanted. I thought of the bad times. Every night he left me after we loved each other. Sometimes I hadn’t heard anything from him for days. The feeling of anger and worrying about him were still there like the taste of garlic after brushing your teeth.
“Maybe we can stay friends, Shai. I guess I am just not made for a longer relationship. I really hoped that with you it would be different, but I acted like always. As soon as it got serious I searched for a reason to break up or at least to keep the distance. I really like you Shai and if I would have been ever ready for a real relationship then I wished that it was you at my side.”
Kind of a good breaking up line …
Now it was my turn. I felt how my hands started to sweat. After that how should I say him what happened?
“It is nice of you to say that and I really thought it could be something between us but I guess it wasn’t the right for me either. I was so sick of all the little rejectors of you. Believe me it is no excuse. There is no excuse for what I have done…”
I closed my eyes not able to look into his eyes anymore. I took a deep breath and started to speak again.
“Maruice, I slept with someone else. I was really drunk and so angry that you left me alone at this bar and … plum. I am trying to find an excuse where there is just none.”
I didn’t dare to open my eyes and so I was even more surprised at what he said then.
“I know of it. George told me from it. This guy is head over heels in love with you or at least it seems like that. Maybe you should call him. He is a nice young man.”
I was not sure if he was joking or if he really wanted me to call one of his colleagues. Was he hurt? He knew it already. Maybe he could handle it better than I thought.
We decided to try to stay friends. We both knew that this might not happen but it felt good to have at least someone I could call if I couldn’t talk to anyone else. We chatted a while but now I wanted him to know the whole truth. It was driving me crazy to tell nobody about what happened. I couldn’t tell it the art group I was in cause they weren’t really my friends. My parents lived far away and I bet my mother would insist to go visiting me and that was not what I needed now. My colleagues I didn’t know enough and the only person I really could call a friend sat next to me.
“There is one last thing I want you to know. I … I …”
Plum that was hard. Maybe cause when I was talking about it it would feel so much more like reality.
“I am pregnant. I … I know I have to tell it George but what if … I don’t know. I know nothing anymore.”
For a while I could just look at Maruices shocked face. I understand him. It could have been his.
“Tell him. He deserves to know it. What he does then is up to him. No matter what happens I will be there for you. Okay?”
I thought he would yell at me or something like that. I had imagined all bad sceneries but that was a surprise.
“Are you sure? Maybe I need a parking ticket to disappear.”
Lame joke. But it seemed to work. Maurice smiled at me and said that I knew what he meant. I knew and I was happy to have him as a friend. I hoped he would stay one.
After we finished our meals we hugged to say goodbye. I made it. I made things clear and my heart felt as if a heavy weight was lifted from it. By the thought of the next call I would make it suddenly didn’t felt that light anymore.
Sucker for pain - Evina's story
Shai doesn't have an easy situation, but she isn't Angel so George isn't that obsessed. To the moving in thing … you could be right. Next chapter is an Angel chapter again and I already took the screenshots. I can't wait to show them to you. They turned out pretty nice
Sucker for pain - Evina's story
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After Kasanovas come Blaubers|The strange body|Nexir, forgotten King|Signature by @Marialein
I also hope she won't make any hesitate decisions with George, that guy is crazy after all
HEFFNER LEGACY│Simblr│Heffner Legacy Discussion │ Origin ID: Maladi
Maurice may has his faults but he still is a good person. I agree with you. We will see how George will react soon
Maruice is married with his job. He barely has time for something else even though he tries it. Shai doesn't know who George is or that he is not the nice guy she met. So … we will see
Yup. Maruice is a good guy. He just isn't the guy for Shai (or any women cause he is a way too focused on his work)
The next chapter should say nothing about it. Or a tiny bit? It is up to you how to see it
Sani can be glad to have Maurice as her friend but we may should not forget that he is also a friend of George…
Sucker for pain - Evina's story
I had never been strong. I still wasn’t. If I was strong I wouldn’t hide. I wouldn’t be afraid without a reason. It had been just a guy. I tired to figure out why I felt cold shivers on my whole body whenever I remembered that moment when he had looked at me. Maybe I just felt caught because I didn’t want Shai to hear me playing the piano. Maybe I had been just shocked that she brought someone else home. Maybe I didn’t like this man. Maybe I was just afraid of him cause I had been afraid my whole life of strangers. I had always tried to be nice but most of the time I really had just wanted to hide. Maybe it had frightened me so much that he could may see me. Maybe I was afraid of how someone could react if they could see me. I had never been someone who wants to frighten someone. Even to make someone feel bad was making me feeling very uncomfortable.
No matter what reasons I told myself nothing of that seemed to fit really. Whenever I thought of going out of the darkness again the fear kept me down here. I didn’t know how much time had passed now but I was sure that it had to be at least over a month. I had counted the times how often i had felt the pull of the night. After 30 times it got weaker and weaker. The darkness swallowed the feeling and my opportunity to get out here again. The darkness ate me too. It ate my good feeling when I had played the piano again. It ate my hope for being more than what I was now. The darkness was pulling and pushing at me. It ate my memories. With every memory of my past that lost its colour and brightness I could feel how my light figure lost on energy. What would happen if I just gave up? Would the darkness let me disappear as if I had never existed? I guessed that I should know it now soon enough. The heaviness of this place put me down like an anchor. I felt how I tried to breath in air but the anchor brought me that deep under the sea that all I could fill my lungs with was salty water which made me feel sick. I was that deep down in the water that no fish was here anymore. No light. No hope. No way to escape. No hero in armour who could help me. I was loosing. I wanted to give myself up. I was ready to become the darkness if it meant to escape my feelings.
For a moment my sight flickered. Had it been my sight or my light body? I was not sure. It wasn’t the first time that this had happened.
I stood up and looked around. Everything was dark as always but somehow I knew that I wasn’t alone anymore. I knew this feeling. I had felt it already once but this time I was not afraid. At the same time I felt stronger and weaker than the last time. The darkness was close to my heart now and it felt like poison but now I knew that he was no danger to me. He just wanted to help me even though he was not able to. It seemed as if nobody was.
I had not seen his eyes but I could feel his gaze on my back. He was behind me and was watching me. Why was he here again? He couldn’t help me. He had told me that already. Could I may ask him if I could speak with the Reaper himself? Would this even make any difference? If the Reaper wanted to tell me what was going on here he would tell me, right? I let my shoulders fall down. The glimmer of hope disappeared as fast as it had come over me. He couldn’t do something for me. I would be down here until I became a part of the darkness.
I turned my head, unable to full turn around to the Reapers helper. He stood there as if the darkness had spitted him out. There was no use to walk here because there was nothing you could reach. The darkness never seemed to change. It was all black in black. I wouldn’t go to him. I feared that I just wished that he was here, that anybody was here.
“Why are you here?”
The sound of my voice scared me. I thought that I would scream at him but it was barely more than a whisper and even that was breaking the whole time. Did he hear me? I guessed that he did. He had even heard it when I had sung here so this shouldn’t be a problem. When was the last time I had sung down here? I couldn’t remember. It felt unnatural to use my voice. Maybe because I hadn’t any use for it anymore. It was a foreign body that somebody had placed inside of me but it wasn’t a part of myself. It had turned into a fantasy. A fantasy where I had had a life and with that use for it.
I turned around when I felt that he had come closer to me. I looked at him. Was it possible that he had lied to me? I watched how he opened his mouth. No he didn’t seem dead to me. He said that he was dead too but something, was it the way he moved or spoke, told me that it had to be different. It took a few moments before my head could put the words he had spoken to a full sentence with a meaning.
“I could ask you the same. I thought you enjoy it up there.”
“I thought so too.”
For a while we both stayed quiet. I had been really happier for a while but now … Now being up there would mean being afraid. Plum. Being down here meant the same.
“Don’t give up that easily.”
I was surprised by his words. Did that mean that I was able to make a decision? If I gave completely up what would happen then?
“You wouldn’t want to know it. Angel, believe me that. I tried to speak with … I still don’t know why he keeps you here. I tried to find it out but I couldn’t. I am sorry. But no matter what happens in life has a meaning. There have to be something.”
“And what could that be?”
I could see that he didn’t know it and I felt plum to ask but I had to. I had to ask and if it was just to speak about anything.
“I don’t know. My job is to collect the souls of the dead and bring them to the next step. All I know is where the portal to this is. It stands here in the darkness. The sense of the darkness is to let the dead think of their life for a few moments. They should think of their faults which they should regret and the family whom they should miss. Then I can bring them to the next step. I don’t know what happens if someone is here longer than a few moments but it is nothing that should happen. I wish I would know it. It can’t be good to be here so long. All I can do is to bring you to the portal too, but I fear that you are not able to go through it.”
“Bring me to it.”
It bursted out of me before I could stop myself. I needed to try it. What if it was all just a mistake and I could make it good again myself? It wasn’t dangerous to try it and if it was what would I loose? I was dead and my hopes were disappearing with every moment more.
He just nodded and made a wink to follow him. We walked for a few long moments deeper and deeper into the black. I felt very tiny in this moment and no matter how hard I tried to tell myself that I shouldn’t hope too much I felt that I did.
The way felt different. Was that even possible? The darkness became less … how should I describe it? It was still dark but then it wasn’t. Then he stopped.
“We are at the portal.”
I looked around but there was nothing. I wanted to say something to the deaths helper when I saw how a bit black dust flew away.
Then the darkness went away a bit more and I could see it. It looked like a high door. No that was not the way to describe it. It was much more a corridor. It seemed like it was bowed a bit. I could see that it became brighter and brighter in the distance. Around the portal where stone ruins of an old building. I didn’t know anything about it. The only thing I knew was that if I went the stair up I would be able to touch the portal.
“Try it. I hope that it works.”
This was all I needed. I walked closer to the only light I had ever seen here and it was brighter than anything else. I knew that something had been in the voice of the helper but I was too focused on the hope to hear it.
I took every stair careful and a bit slower. The portal was vibrating a little bit. It felt as if it was calling me to come closer. Or was it warning me? I wasn’t sure. I felt his eyes on me with every step and I got more and more tired. The portal had seemed so close but now it felt as if I was climbing up a mountain. When I finally stood on the last stair I got suddenly nervous. Should I really do this? Should I leave this world? Just one touch and I would maybe disappear forever. I wanted this, right? I was ready, I knew that. I thought that the helper would come closer to me and say me that everything was alright and that I just had to try it, but he stood there and watched me where I left him.
I took a deep breath.
Sucker for pain - Evina's story
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After Kasanovas come Blaubers|The strange body|Nexir, forgotten King|Signature by @Marialein