Hiya! I'm behind the keyboard, not on my tiny designed-for-squirrels tablet, so I can actually type in a way that keeps up with my mind! Yay!
I've really found the last several chapters insightful, and, in regards to them, I've been thinking a lot about parenting styles.
For a neurotypical, healthy kid, without any special needs, the parenting style used by Harvey's parents would probably be sufficient: they're looking out for the child in a very basic way, meeting the basic physical needs, providing some standard basic guidance, and offering enough stability to counter Rose's extremes.
But for a child like Harvey, who is gifted, not neurotypical, and needs some extra supports for his mental health, this environment and parenting style falls so very short.
While reading the last few chapters, I kept reflecting on this pattern I'd noticed growing up: Some kids, shortly after reaching puberty, would fall off a cliff, metaphorically. One neighbor, who'd grown up playing tag and hide-and-seek with us in the street on summer evenings, became addicted to heroin by the time he was 16. Other kids would drink, smoke pot, become "stoners," or fall into depressions. I saw it often enough that by the time is was 10 or 11, I was sort of afraid of becoming a teen. Usually, it was very bright, very sensitive kids who had moments of sullenness and extreme quiet, though they could be cheerful enough at other times.
The style of parenting, at that time (the 1960s and 70s), was very much like the approach Harvey's parents take: making sure the kid goes to school, does homework, keeps up grades; keeping the kid fed, clothed, and sheltered, and that's about it.
Reading about Harvey has helped me realize that these kids who had especially rough times just weren't getting the extra support they needed. Being grounded and shamed, which was the disciplinary tact when I was young, along with some corporal punishment, just doesn't offer these kids what they need.
I really hope that Harvey is able to get the support he needs and that he can not blame himself. His parents aren't to blame either, since they're doing their best. It's just a shame that there's such little education about mental health and the nurturing of sensitive, gifted kids.
Thank you so much for your comments! I grew up a few years later (in the 80's) but I think even then the parenting style was the same - and even now, working with the students I work with, things have changed only in that there's a lot of pressure on kids to be perfect - and for somebody like Harvey, that's not easy, because he doesn't even know what perfect is, let alone how to reach out to his parents.
I think a lot of the time it manifests in boys (but not always!) - where they're told they have to be a certain way to be a man - and unfortunately, this is a situation where no matter how hard Harvey tries, he'll never live up to that ideal, because it doesn't exist, even though everybody is telling him that it does. He's a sensitive kid, who likes to tell jokes and who thinks about how terrible the world is, and his family doesn't really know how to deal with that because what worked for them doesn't work for him. He fell into a depression, and very well may have gotten addicted to all sorts of drugs, because it helped him cope. And his guide into that world (Stacey) has just as many issues as he does, and doesn't know how these will affect him, just that they'll make him feel better, like they make her feel better.
I've been reading The Outsiders with one of my classes (though I started reading it after I wrote this), and it's like Cherry says - things are rough all over. Some kids would do just fine, getting an entire island to explore and grow up on, and live a happy life. Unfortunately for Harvey, he has different gifts - and growing up in the family he grew up in helped him, but it would have helped him more had people been more open and honest, and there. Part of that isn't the parent's fault - Rose is the only one who's really around all the time, and they're not a wealthy family by any means, plus they think they're doing the best that they can by not actually harming him; but on the other hand... he's needed more attention and care than maybe they realized.
I can say that Harvey will get support and will come out stronger. As for his parents... I can't really say. They've got a lot to learn as well.
Comments
To sell
To get
To bring
To make
To lift
To go to the Festival!
(as you can probably tell, it's probably for the best if only because they deal with very similar subjects)
I've really found the last several chapters insightful, and, in regards to them, I've been thinking a lot about parenting styles.
For a neurotypical, healthy kid, without any special needs, the parenting style used by Harvey's parents would probably be sufficient: they're looking out for the child in a very basic way, meeting the basic physical needs, providing some standard basic guidance, and offering enough stability to counter Rose's extremes.
But for a child like Harvey, who is gifted, not neurotypical, and needs some extra supports for his mental health, this environment and parenting style falls so very short.
While reading the last few chapters, I kept reflecting on this pattern I'd noticed growing up: Some kids, shortly after reaching puberty, would fall off a cliff, metaphorically. One neighbor, who'd grown up playing tag and hide-and-seek with us in the street on summer evenings, became addicted to heroin by the time he was 16. Other kids would drink, smoke pot, become "stoners," or fall into depressions. I saw it often enough that by the time is was 10 or 11, I was sort of afraid of becoming a teen. Usually, it was very bright, very sensitive kids who had moments of sullenness and extreme quiet, though they could be cheerful enough at other times.
The style of parenting, at that time (the 1960s and 70s), was very much like the approach Harvey's parents take: making sure the kid goes to school, does homework, keeps up grades; keeping the kid fed, clothed, and sheltered, and that's about it.
Reading about Harvey has helped me realize that these kids who had especially rough times just weren't getting the extra support they needed. Being grounded and shamed, which was the disciplinary tact when I was young, along with some corporal punishment, just doesn't offer these kids what they need.
I really hope that Harvey is able to get the support he needs and that he can not blame himself. His parents aren't to blame either, since they're doing their best. It's just a shame that there's such little education about mental health and the nurturing of sensitive, gifted kids.
Do you also play The Elder Scrolls Online? You can find me there as CathyTea, too!
Thank you so much for your comments! I grew up a few years later (in the 80's) but I think even then the parenting style was the same - and even now, working with the students I work with, things have changed only in that there's a lot of pressure on kids to be perfect - and for somebody like Harvey, that's not easy, because he doesn't even know what perfect is, let alone how to reach out to his parents.
I think a lot of the time it manifests in boys (but not always!) - where they're told they have to be a certain way to be a man - and unfortunately, this is a situation where no matter how hard Harvey tries, he'll never live up to that ideal, because it doesn't exist, even though everybody is telling him that it does. He's a sensitive kid, who likes to tell jokes and who thinks about how terrible the world is, and his family doesn't really know how to deal with that because what worked for them doesn't work for him. He fell into a depression, and very well may have gotten addicted to all sorts of drugs, because it helped him cope. And his guide into that world (Stacey) has just as many issues as he does, and doesn't know how these will affect him, just that they'll make him feel better, like they make her feel better.
I've been reading The Outsiders with one of my classes (though I started reading it after I wrote this), and it's like Cherry says - things are rough all over. Some kids would do just fine, getting an entire island to explore and grow up on, and live a happy life. Unfortunately for Harvey, he has different gifts - and growing up in the family he grew up in helped him, but it would have helped him more had people been more open and honest, and there. Part of that isn't the parent's fault - Rose is the only one who's really around all the time, and they're not a wealthy family by any means, plus they think they're doing the best that they can by not actually harming him; but on the other hand... he's needed more attention and care than maybe they realized.
I can say that Harvey will get support and will come out stronger. As for his parents... I can't really say. They've got a lot to learn as well.