Anchorman: "The escaped criminal known as 'Mr Tiny' has been put back behind bars after he broke the necks of three people at a bar last night. In other news, the Puppy Parade is coming to town soon!"
Bob: "Boy are you lucky that your neck wasn't broken last night!"
Mario: "Eh it's over exaggerated, the people act like they've never seen a broken neck before."
That next morning, Mario went to go enjoy a nice breakfast.
UNTIL THIS JERK BROKE IN AND STARTED USING THE COMPUTER!
Mario: "New phone, who this?"
Nancy: "Mario, I'm in need of your services."
Mario: "I don't know Nancy, I'm pretty tired. How about I send Bob over instead?"
Nancy: "How about you get over here before I drag you over here."
Minutes later....
Mario: "Say, how about instead of the usual, we just cuddle? That's nice right?"
Nancy: "Or how about I rip that mustache off?"
Mario: "Well, I sure like my mustache on my face...."
Mario: "Certainly ain't easy being Mario."
That's when Luigi invited Mario to the castle....again, rubbing salt into an open wound right there.
Luigi: "And then I said, 'I GOT YOUR 1-UP RIGHT HERE!'"
Mario: "Oh Luigi, your stories always end with pointing to your groin in some way or another! Never change."
Luigi: "Oh hey, never introduced you to my kids. These ones are actually mine by the way, this is Luke."
Mario: "What the hell, that name's not Italian!"
Mario: "Oh it's Peach, you here to crush my dreams some more?"
Peach: "Nah, not much of a fan of crushing dreams on purpose."
Luigi: "My daughter Juniper is around here somewhere."
Juniper: "SHUT UP DAD, I'M BLOGGING!!!"
Ah, another successful day of work for Mario, he was promoted from Frycook to cashier. Life is going well.
Oh look, time for another big comedy show from Bob!
And of course it's raining, it's Bob we're talking about.
Mario: "Get me the strongest drink you can afford as a Cashier at McTasty's!"
Bartender: "A glass of water, got it!"
Bob: "Hey all you sexy people out there!"
Non Sexy Person: "Well up yours too, buddy!"
Meanwhile here's Mario making sure Nancy's not around.
But Geoffrey is here!.....Yeah you can see why Nancy would be okay with Mario.
Mario: "Don't worry Bob, you're doing great! However, I have TWO shows to watch tonight."
Mario: "Oh wow this is a nice drink."
Bob: "You've been a wonderful audience."
Bob: "Even if the whole audience just consists of Geoffrey Landgraab"
Geoffrey: "Hey buddy, there's nothing wrong with being Geoffrey Landgraab! At least I'M married, Mr Pancakes."
Bob: "Is that why your wife is sleeping with Mario?"
Geoffrey: "Wait....."
Bob: "Wow, Mario was right! People do love men with Afro's, considering this bar is okay with that guy stealing a guitar!"
Ah, another successful comedy night.....Wait what's this?
Bob: "MARIO HELP!!!!"
12 hours later.
Bob: "You'll be hearing from my lawyers about this later, bub!"
I am now at the point where I have to start using the spoiler tags to post updates because Mama Mia, 8 chapters on one page.
Chapter 10: Let's All Do The Purge!
We now bring you a public address by President Rufus P Babyeater.
Pres. Babyeater: "Hey so like.....The Purge is tonight. Get some good kills out there y'all."
Anchorman: "That was President Babyeater for you! Up next, tragedy at the puppy parade kills 6."
Mario: "Alright, two questions. One, who the heck is President Rufus P Babyeater? And two, what's the purge?"
Bob: "Well his name is self explanatory, he basically jumped in the Presidential race shouting "vote for me or I'll eat your babies!" and no one thought he was serious....Then he started eating people's babies and he won in a landslide. Second, the Purge is a holiday that Babyeater created to cut down unemployment, homelessness and crime. One day a year you're free to break the law in any way you want. Yes, that includes murder too."
Mario: "That's......THAT'S STUPID! I get how it cuts down crime because why commit a crime any day of the year when you can legally do it once a year. But how does that stop unemployment and homelessness?! What does getting to murder someone once a year get you off your butt and go 'Wow, I should get a job now!'"
Mario: "Regardless, THAT SOUNDS AWESOME! We should do some purging! Like let's go do a breaking and entering or something."
Bob: "Well I'm not going to lie, always wanted to take part in a B&E."
Nancy: "'Sup poor people."
Bob: "Hey maybe we should get Nancy to come purging with us!"
Mario: "Ehhhhhh I'd rather not."
Nancy: "Someone say purge? I used to do a lot of purging back in my day."
Mario: "Back in your day? I mean the purge hasn't even been around for that long......No offense."
Nancy: "Hey, when you're rich you can go purge whenever you want. Bob, let's show Mario the traditional purge fight."
Mario: "The what?"
As part of the Purge Tradition, along with committing crimes at night it is encouraged to take part in friendly brawls like Bob and Nancy are demonstrating.
AND HERE COMES BOB WITH THE PILE DRIVER! NANCY IS UPSIDE DOWN AND GOING DOOOOOOWN!
Nancy: "And that's why you don't mess with The Landgraab."
Bob: "And now we hug it out."
Mario: "THIS IS THE BEST HOLIDAY EVER!"
Mario: "And now I'm suddenly more attracted to Nancy."
Mario: "Let's get this over with quick now that you got me in a good mood."
LET THE PURGING BEGIN!!!!
That night, Bob and Mario broke into a nice penthouse.
Mario: "Do we really need to wear the masks? I feel ridiculous."
Bob: "Gotta wear the masks, crime might be legal but do you really want the people you're going after to know who you are?"
Mario: "Good point."
Mario: "Alright, we're in. Let's do this quickly and quietly."
Bob: "Mario, why is my stomach glowing?!"
Bob: "Uh oh."
Man: "PURGERS? IN MY PENTHOUSE?! More likely than you might think! I'll have you know I've been waiting for a moment like this for years!"
Man: "EAT LEAD PUNKS!"
Mario: "PURGE!!!!!!"
One hospital trip later.
Mario: "Man, you are lucky to have survived that. That other guy though.....man he went down like a bag of bricks."
Bob: "Luckier than I realized, Doctor said if that bullet was just an inch to the left I'd be a goner."
Bad Hair Guy: "Hey, speaking of goner....Purge is still going.....Mario."
Mario: "Bob, I thought you said we wore the masks so no one would know who we are!"
Bob: "We are very specific looking men Mario, even with the masks on!"
Bad Hair Guy: "Been waiting a long time for this!"
Bob: "Someone help, this man is killing my friend!"
Person: "That's the point of the purge, dummy."
Bob: "This is bad this is bad this is bad."
Bad Hair Guy: "Man, I feel much better already."
Bad Hair Guy: "Wait what?" BONK
Mario: "Wow, he is super dead. Wonder who was driving that car though."
Grim: "Don't care, this day is too busy for me to care about who did the killing."
Bob: "Mario did you see that?! That was me, I stole some fool's car and I GTA'd the beejeesus out of him!"
Mario: "What did you do with the car after that?"
Bob: "I drove it into the lake!"
Mario: "Thanks Bob, you're a real bro."
And thus they became best friends.
The Aftermath
Mario: "Boy, that sure was a successful purge huh? Gotta bring my A Game next year though, gotta up my numbers."
Bob: "Uhh Mario, did I just get fatter?"
Mario: "Good question, but uhh, I got a better question."
Mario: "Did Nancy just get fatter too? No offense."
Bob: "WHY AM I PREGNANT?!"
You are now caught up with the Mario Bro!
Bob: "Seriously, how is this possible?!"
Bob: "So anyways, am I going to be seeing you at a Mommy and Me class anytime soon?"
Nancy: "Pfft, why would I ever need to do that? I was a great mother, I raised Malcolm just fine!"
..............
Nancy: "Oh snap, I forgot I had TWO kids!"
Mario: "Alright Bob, I'm sure you'll kill it tonight."
Bob: "But I'm pregnant! Everyone will laugh at me....in the wrong way."
Mario: "Well come up with a few jokes about you being pregnant and no one will care."
Bob: "Oh no, is this what morning sickness feels like?"
So then Mario warmed up the crowd with a sick guitar solo.
Bob: "Hey sexy people, how's it going?"
Mario: "Where are your clothes?!"
Bob: "There is a heatwave outside and they don't have air conditioning in here! I was frying in that suit."
Mario: "Meh, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em!"
Old Woman: "Alright, I've seen enough. I've lived long enough."
Greta: "WHAT?!"
Bob: "I guess we can say, that last joke was a real gut buster!"
Bartender: "Too soon, this woman JUST died!"
Grim: "I mean I thought it was funny."
Well that show could've gone better!
That night after work, Mario went out into the city and played some guitar to pay their rent in the morning. Surprisingly he made One Hundred Simoleons. If only he made that much when he had Bob the Dancing Hotdog.
Meanwhile, Bob played in the trash.
Mario: "Hey Baby, apparently rich women find me irresistible! Wanna get with Mario?"
Judith: "No no..........No no no."
Mario: "Mama Mia."
Meanwhile, Bob and Mario's friendship has gotten to the point where they now finally share a bed together! No more couch for Bob. And also I have to pass on some information with you that Mario and Bob say is HIGHLY recommended for you to know and they couldn't stress that enough but they are NOT gay.
The next morning, Nancy wanted to go on a date with Mario....Yes, a date. Amazing, Nancy wants to be seen out in public with Mario now?!
Mario: "Wait, you want to go on a date HERE?!"
One change of venue later...
Mario: "Now this place is more like it! I like these employees, they look so proper!"
Nancy: "Now watch me try on clothes."
Mario: "Is this going to be one of those montages set to 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun'?" I come home in the morning light. My mother says, "When you gonna live your life right?" Oh mother dear we're not the fortunate ones. And girls, they wanna have fun, Oh girls just want to have fun
Mario: "You're aware I can't afford anything here right?"
Alright, let's wrap things up here.
Looks like Eliza Landgraab is here to pay a visit!
Bob: "Ah, I see you've come crawling back to me after kicking Malcolm to the curb! Well you made a good choice since I'm a famous comedian now."
Eliza: "Actually the opposite, came here to tell you I'm pregnant with Malcolm's child which will forever be the final nail in coffin of our relationship since he's given me the one thing you never could do."
Bob: "Well.....I'm pregnant too. Will I be seeing you in a Mommy and Me class anytime soon? Found a good one downtown."
Eliza: "Goodbye Bob."
Mario: "Yeah not getting between this one that's for sure."
Bob: "Hey Mario.....Nancy's been here for....a few days now. Any plans on her leaving?"
Mario: "Good question, Nancy you planning on leaving anytime soon?"
Nancy: "I'll think about it."
Looks like Bob will be back on the couch for a while.
Looks like the Spice Festival is in town once again!
Naturally, Mario and Bob ran there as fast as they could. They're still poor and free food is free food.
But is it a good idea for Bob to be there?
Time to take the Spicy Curry challenge!
Mario: "I used to throw fireballs out of my hands and even I had trouble with that!"
Bob: "This isn't good for the baby!"
And Mario is coming in for seconds.
The next day, Mario had a great plan.
Mario has grown to miss the days of the Super Mario Bros, so he decided to have tryouts to see who will become the newest Super Mario Bro! Introducing the potential Bros: Marcus Flex, Bjorn LastNameIDontWantToPronounce, Bella Goth and Candy Behr.
Mario: "Alright boys and girls, we're going to have a few challenges that'll determine if you get the honor of being a Super Mario Bro!
Mario: "Ah biscuits, Mr. Tiny Broke out of Prison again. Keep an eye on your neck."
Mario: "Now the first challenge is, dance off!"
Oh look at Marcus Flex over there dancing his heart out. This makes him look like a good candidate.
However you can't deny Candy's smooth groove over here.
Mario: "Kay, you guys have fun, I'm going to go get hammered."
Just keep dancing Bjorn, maybe Mr Tiny will leave you alone if you just keep dancing.
Mario: "Honestly looks like Candy might be the winner of this dance o-HOLD THE PHONE!"
Mario: "Look at Bella busting a move over here! Well that concludes the first challenge!"
The first challenge? What's the next challenge?
Mario: "The first challenge was a challenge of flair, now we need a challenge of strength. Candy, Bella you two shall fight now!"
They want to be a Mario Bro so badly that they'll gladly beat the snot out of each other.
Mario: "Don't get too excited fellas, you two are fighting next and the winner gets to fight the winner of this one."
Looks like Bella's our winner of the lady's round.
Marcus Flex vs Bjorn! Clearly the winner of this fight will be Marcus.
Oh......it was Bjorn.
And then Bjorn managed to beat Bella too.
Mario: "Well Bjorn, you are officially the front runner in this competition. How's it feel?"
Bjorn: "Honestly feels pretty sweet. I don't get to win too often so just being the front runner is already a big win for me!"
And that's when Mr Tiny pulled a Mr Tiny. Cue Laughter.
Mario: "Well Bella, you're now the Front Runner!"
Hey Mr. Tiny, isn't that a witness?
Don't worry, Mr Tiny will take care of that witness. Who else but Mr Tiny?
Huh, Candy went right back to dancing....This is going to add a few points to her score. She's catching up to you Bella!
Now let's wrap this up.
Anchorman: "The criminal known as 'Mr Tiny' has been locked up safely behind bars but not before he could claim the lives of two more victims at a bar tonight."
Mario: "Hey-O, how's everyone doing tonight?"
Bob: "I've been doing alright. Just one thing though."
Bob: "This is getting REAL concerning."
It's March 10th everyone you know what that means? It's Mario Day! (Get it, because It's Mar 10, Mar10 ha ha) Or at least it's still Mar10 Day in my timezone for another hour so let's celebrate!
Mario: "Alright, I think it's time to talk about your pregnancy."
Bob: "Why, what's wrong?"
Mario: "YOU'RE BIGGER THAN A HOUSE! You got pregnant at the same time as Nancy and she just started showing!"
Bob: "I see nothing wrong with this!"
Later that Day, Mario wanted to pull a little prank.
Mario: "Oh ho, a cherry bomb in the toilet! This will be a great prank!"
Mario: "Boy I love Mar10 Day."
We all know who the victim will be.
Bob: "Not again, I'm drenched in toilet water!!!"
And Mario cost them 1500 Simoleons in damage with that one.
Let's get this party started!
Mario: "Bob, it's Mar10 Day, which means we need to throw a killer party!"
Mario: "But not just any kind of party...."
Mario: "A KEGGER!"
Bob: "I thought we were having a baby shower."
Mario: "Nope, a Mar10 Party needs a keg!"
After a while the guests started showing up.
Mario: "Hey, turn that frown upside down! It's a Mar10 Party!"
Clara: "My husband was murdered by an escaped convict."
Bob: "And I'M pregnant, lady. You're not the only one here with problems."
Wow even got Luigi to show up, and of course he can't stand the sight of poor people.
Oh look it's Bella Goth.
And Nancy Landgraab....I guess Mario's the only poor person here.
Luigi: "Mario....is that man pregnant?"
Mario: "It's a long story, but it's best that we don't question it."
Mr Tiny: "I promised to be on my best behavior tonight."
David Bowie: "'Ello I am David Bowie."
This is not what I expected a Queen to wear.
Anyways time to kick this party up a notch, Mr Tiny helps Mario with a keg stand!
Nancy: "God I love that man."
Ah Mario's a little rusty with this. He failed the party.
Nancy: "Still love him."
Nancy: "Can I get an autograph?"
Luigi: "Sorry I don't give autographs to women that my brother is dating."
A special Mario Day Gift
Well I would say that this party is a success!
Bob: "Uhh Mario?"
Speaking of success....
Bob: "Mario, I think I'm going into labor!"
Mario: "Yeah yeah I'll get you to the hospital after this drink, I'm cool to drive."
Bob: "Hey I'm here to have a baby."
Mario: "And I'm here because I am really curious about where this baby is going to come out."
Doctor: "Don't worry Mr. Pancakes, this is a real simple procedure......For Women, never tried it on a man so you might die!"
And thus Mario would forever be haunted by the sounds of Bob's agonizing screams. He just HAD to look.
Doctor: "Ta-da, you lived! AND it's a boy, I would suggest an alien name for your alien baby."
Bob: "I will name him.....Quizzglor."
Mario: "I'm pretty sure that's not even an alien name."
That's the face you make when you realize your dad is Bob Pancakes.
Bob and Mario have been planted on this couch since getting back from the hospital.
Mario: "Hey Bob, quick question. What happened to Bowser after I got locked up?"
Bob: "Bowser? Oh that's a good story."
Shortly after Mario got arrested, Bowser got into politics and ran for President. Easily won the election, during his Presidency he built new schools, hospitals, even funded the public school system with his own money, lowered unemployment to 1% because there always has to be that one guy who doesn't want to find a job, and even brokered Peace during the 50 year war between Simerica and the United States of America. Boy, Bowser sure was the best President ever.
But then when his re-election bid came in, he ran against Senator Rufus P Babyeater.
Babyeater: "Hey hey, you suck!"
Now naturally we all know how the election for President is held here in Simerica, with a battle between the candidates!
So Babyeater pulled out his knife and-
Mario: "President Babyeater killed Bowser?!"
Bob: "What? No no, he missed all the vital organs. Bowser survived, but of course Babyeater was now officially our President. First thing he did was grab the nearest baby and swallowed it whole."
Bob: "And then for the last 10 years has completely driven the country into the ground."
Reminiscing time is over, time to take care of cute little Quizzglor!
He's weirdly adorable!
Bob: "Wow, I can't believe I can breast feed him. I need to see about getting Quizzglor a Babysitter."
President Babyeater: "Did somebody say, Baby?" Cue Laugh track.
Laugh Track time is over, time to get back to work!
Well since Momma Bob is not around, time for Uncle Mario to change this diaper.
Wow Mario, you sure handled that diaper change very well!
Mario: "I had to sleep in a prison cell with a toilet next to my bed, I can survive giving a kid a diaper change."
Mario: "Ready for your big show tonight?"
Bob: "Gee Mario, I can't perform tonight. Only person that answered my Babysitting ad was President Babyeater, and with his track record I'd rather not let him near Quizzglor."
Mario: "You can't skip out on this show, that would be Career Suicide!"
Mario: "Lucky for you, I have a perfect plan!"
Mario: "We'll have the Mario Brother Candidates care for your baby tonight!"
Candy: "Like OMG, we're babysitting!"
Mario: "Bella, you showed up late so that's going to cost you points."
Let the show begin!
Mario: "Nervous about the show?"
Bob: "No, I'm nervous about my Baby!"
Mario: "Don't worry Bob, I'm sure you'll knock them dead!"
Mario: "Hopefully not literally, too many people die around us and it's getting concerning."
Bob: "Hey Sexy People, how are you all doing tonight?"
Not Sexy Guy: "Lonely!"
Malcolm: "Eww, it's the Ex-Husband."
Bob: "Mario can you help me? Malcolm is heckling me!"
Mario: "You're on your own, I'm chatting up this beauty."
Bob: "Hey everyone, ever hear the joke about the Millionaire who could've married a Super Model but decided to get with Bob Pancake's sloppy seconds? It'll probably end with him having to give her half his money."
Malcolm: "Oh ha ha, at least if Eliza divorces me she'll be taking MY money, when she divorced you she took HER money."
Bob: "Oh somebody's got jokes here too, apparently that's all you got considering I hear Mommy and Daddy are leaving you diddly squat in their will."
Malcolm: "You suck, get the hell out of here!"
Bob: "Ha ha, Joke's on you buddy. This is Public Property, you can't make me leave!"
Malcolm: "Unleash the hounds."
And thus, Bob was chased across the city by the Landgraab hounds once again.
Later that night.
Mario: "Hey Bob, sorry you got the hounds unleashed on you again. Did the Mario Brother Candidates take good care of Quizzglor?"
Bob: "Umm, about that."
Bob: "Pretty sure Quizzglor was much smaller before we left."
Mario: "Alright, who let the baby age up?"
Candy: "That would be me, boss."
Mario: "Well I'll have you know that's going to cost you some points Missy, now you better shape up or you're not going to be the new Mario Brother."
Candy: "Like, OMG."
Comments
Anchorman: "The escaped criminal known as 'Mr Tiny' has been put back behind bars after he broke the necks of three people at a bar last night. In other news, the Puppy Parade is coming to town soon!"
Bob: "Boy are you lucky that your neck wasn't broken last night!"
Mario: "Eh it's over exaggerated, the people act like they've never seen a broken neck before."
That next morning, Mario went to go enjoy a nice breakfast.
UNTIL THIS JERK BROKE IN AND STARTED USING THE COMPUTER!
Mario: "New phone, who this?"
Nancy: "Mario, I'm in need of your services."
Mario: "I don't know Nancy, I'm pretty tired. How about I send Bob over instead?"
Nancy: "How about you get over here before I drag you over here."
Minutes later....
Mario: "Say, how about instead of the usual, we just cuddle? That's nice right?"
Nancy: "Or how about I rip that mustache off?"
Mario: "Well, I sure like my mustache on my face...."
Mario: "Certainly ain't easy being Mario."
That's when Luigi invited Mario to the castle....again, rubbing salt into an open wound right there.
Luigi: "And then I said, 'I GOT YOUR 1-UP RIGHT HERE!'"
Mario: "Oh Luigi, your stories always end with pointing to your groin in some way or another! Never change."
Luigi: "Oh hey, never introduced you to my kids. These ones are actually mine by the way, this is Luke."
Mario: "What the hell, that name's not Italian!"
Mario: "Oh it's Peach, you here to crush my dreams some more?"
Peach: "Nah, not much of a fan of crushing dreams on purpose."
Luigi: "My daughter Juniper is around here somewhere."
Juniper: "SHUT UP DAD, I'M BLOGGING!!!"
Ah, another successful day of work for Mario, he was promoted from Frycook to cashier. Life is going well.
Oh look, time for another big comedy show from Bob!
And of course it's raining, it's Bob we're talking about.
Mario: "Get me the strongest drink you can afford as a Cashier at McTasty's!"
Bartender: "A glass of water, got it!"
Bob: "Hey all you sexy people out there!"
Non Sexy Person: "Well up yours too, buddy!"
Meanwhile here's Mario making sure Nancy's not around.
But Geoffrey is here!.....Yeah you can see why Nancy would be okay with Mario.
Mario: "Don't worry Bob, you're doing great! However, I have TWO shows to watch tonight."
Mario: "Oh wow this is a nice drink."
Bob: "You've been a wonderful audience."
Bob: "Even if the whole audience just consists of Geoffrey Landgraab"
Geoffrey: "Hey buddy, there's nothing wrong with being Geoffrey Landgraab! At least I'M married, Mr Pancakes."
Bob: "Is that why your wife is sleeping with Mario?"
Geoffrey: "Wait....."
Bob: "Wow, Mario was right! People do love men with Afro's, considering this bar is okay with that guy stealing a guitar!"
Ah, another successful comedy night.....Wait what's this?
Bob: "MARIO HELP!!!!"
12 hours later.
Bob: "You'll be hearing from my lawyers about this later, bub!"
I can just imagine the headline for that lawsuit: Pancakes Serves Aliens
Book O' Spells: The Life and Times of Lady Ravendancer Goth
The Shadow Over Newcrest - Revised Story Blog
That's great
Twists In Time And Space (Updated December 2nd 2018. New discord server!)
Bob Bobson (Updated August 12th 2019)
We now bring you a public address by President Rufus P Babyeater.
Anchorman: "That was President Babyeater for you! Up next, tragedy at the puppy parade kills 6."
Mario: "Alright, two questions. One, who the heck is President Rufus P Babyeater? And two, what's the purge?"
Bob: "Well his name is self explanatory, he basically jumped in the Presidential race shouting "vote for me or I'll eat your babies!" and no one thought he was serious....Then he started eating people's babies and he won in a landslide. Second, the Purge is a holiday that Babyeater created to cut down unemployment, homelessness and crime. One day a year you're free to break the law in any way you want. Yes, that includes murder too."
Mario: "That's......THAT'S STUPID! I get how it cuts down crime because why commit a crime any day of the year when you can legally do it once a year. But how does that stop unemployment and homelessness?! What does getting to murder someone once a year get you off your butt and go 'Wow, I should get a job now!'"
Mario: "Regardless, THAT SOUNDS AWESOME! We should do some purging! Like let's go do a breaking and entering or something."
Bob: "Well I'm not going to lie, always wanted to take part in a B&E."
Nancy: "'Sup poor people."
Bob: "Hey maybe we should get Nancy to come purging with us!"
Mario: "Ehhhhhh I'd rather not."
Nancy: "Someone say purge? I used to do a lot of purging back in my day."
Mario: "Back in your day? I mean the purge hasn't even been around for that long......No offense."
Nancy: "Hey, when you're rich you can go purge whenever you want. Bob, let's show Mario the traditional purge fight."
Mario: "The what?"
As part of the Purge Tradition, along with committing crimes at night it is encouraged to take part in friendly brawls like Bob and Nancy are demonstrating.
AND HERE COMES BOB WITH THE PILE DRIVER! NANCY IS UPSIDE DOWN AND GOING DOOOOOOWN!
Nancy: "And that's why you don't mess with The Landgraab."
Bob: "And now we hug it out."
Mario: "THIS IS THE BEST HOLIDAY EVER!"
Mario: "And now I'm suddenly more attracted to Nancy."
Mario: "Let's get this over with quick now that you got me in a good mood."
LET THE PURGING BEGIN!!!!
Mario: "Do we really need to wear the masks? I feel ridiculous."
Bob: "Gotta wear the masks, crime might be legal but do you really want the people you're going after to know who you are?"
Mario: "Good point."
Mario: "Alright, we're in. Let's do this quickly and quietly."
Bob: "Mario, why is my stomach glowing?!"
Bob: "Uh oh."
Man: "PURGERS? IN MY PENTHOUSE?! More likely than you might think! I'll have you know I've been waiting for a moment like this for years!"
Man: "EAT LEAD PUNKS!"
Mario: "PURGE!!!!!!"
One hospital trip later.
Mario: "Man, you are lucky to have survived that. That other guy though.....man he went down like a bag of bricks."
Bob: "Luckier than I realized, Doctor said if that bullet was just an inch to the left I'd be a goner."
Bad Hair Guy: "Hey, speaking of goner....Purge is still going.....Mario."
Mario: "Bob, I thought you said we wore the masks so no one would know who we are!"
Bob: "We are very specific looking men Mario, even with the masks on!"
Bad Hair Guy: "Been waiting a long time for this!"
Bob: "Someone help, this man is killing my friend!"
Person: "That's the point of the purge, dummy."
Bob: "This is bad this is bad this is bad."
Bad Hair Guy: "Man, I feel much better already."
Bad Hair Guy: "Wait what?"
BONK
Mario: "Wow, he is super dead. Wonder who was driving that car though."
Grim: "Don't care, this day is too busy for me to care about who did the killing."
Bob: "Mario did you see that?! That was me, I stole some fool's car and I GTA'd the beejeesus out of him!"
Mario: "What did you do with the car after that?"
Bob: "I drove it into the lake!"
Mario: "Thanks Bob, you're a real bro."
And thus they became best friends.
The Aftermath
Bob: "Uhh Mario, did I just get fatter?"
Mario: "Good question, but uhh, I got a better question."
Mario: "Did Nancy just get fatter too? No offense."
To be continued...
I love how much drama Bob and Mario cause
Twists In Time And Space (Updated December 2nd 2018. New discord server!)
Bob Bobson (Updated August 12th 2019)
PREVIOUSLY ON MARIO BRO
You are now caught up with the Mario Bro!
Bob: "Seriously, how is this possible?!"
Bob: "So anyways, am I going to be seeing you at a Mommy and Me class anytime soon?"
Nancy: "Pfft, why would I ever need to do that? I was a great mother, I raised Malcolm just fine!"
..............
Nancy: "Oh snap, I forgot I had TWO kids!"
Mario: "Alright Bob, I'm sure you'll kill it tonight."
Bob: "But I'm pregnant! Everyone will laugh at me....in the wrong way."
Mario: "Well come up with a few jokes about you being pregnant and no one will care."
Bob: "Oh no, is this what morning sickness feels like?"
So then Mario warmed up the crowd with a sick guitar solo.
Bob: "Hey sexy people, how's it going?"
Mario: "Where are your clothes?!"
Bob: "There is a heatwave outside and they don't have air conditioning in here! I was frying in that suit."
Mario: "Meh, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em!"
Old Woman: "Alright, I've seen enough. I've lived long enough."
Greta: "WHAT?!"
Bob: "I guess we can say, that last joke was a real gut buster!"
Bartender: "Too soon, this woman JUST died!"
Grim: "I mean I thought it was funny."
Well that show could've gone better!
Meanwhile, Bob played in the trash.
Mario: "Hey Baby, apparently rich women find me irresistible! Wanna get with Mario?"
Judith: "No no..........No no no."
Mario: "Mama Mia."
Meanwhile, Bob and Mario's friendship has gotten to the point where they now finally share a bed together! No more couch for Bob. And also I have to pass on some information with you that Mario and Bob say is HIGHLY recommended for you to know and they couldn't stress that enough but they are NOT gay.
The next morning, Nancy wanted to go on a date with Mario....Yes, a date. Amazing, Nancy wants to be seen out in public with Mario now?!
Mario: "Wait, you want to go on a date HERE?!"
One change of venue later...
Mario: "Now this place is more like it! I like these employees, they look so proper!"
Nancy: "Now watch me try on clothes."
Mario: "Is this going to be one of those montages set to 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun'?"
I come home in the morning light. My mother says, "When you gonna live your life right?"
Oh mother dear we're not the fortunate ones. And girls, they wanna have fun, Oh girls just want to have fun
Mario: "You're aware I can't afford anything here right?"
Alright, let's wrap things up here.
Bob: "Ah, I see you've come crawling back to me after kicking Malcolm to the curb! Well you made a good choice since I'm a famous comedian now."
Eliza: "Actually the opposite, came here to tell you I'm pregnant with Malcolm's child which will forever be the final nail in coffin of our relationship since he's given me the one thing you never could do."
Bob: "Well.....I'm pregnant too. Will I be seeing you in a Mommy and Me class anytime soon? Found a good one downtown."
Eliza: "Goodbye Bob."
Mario: "Yeah not getting between this one that's for sure."
Bob: "Hey Mario.....Nancy's been here for....a few days now. Any plans on her leaving?"
Mario: "Good question, Nancy you planning on leaving anytime soon?"
Nancy: "I'll think about it."
Looks like Bob will be back on the couch for a while.
To be continued....
Looks like the Spice Festival is in town once again!
But is it a good idea for Bob to be there?
Time to take the Spicy Curry challenge!
Mario: "I used to throw fireballs out of my hands and even I had trouble with that!"
Bob: "This isn't good for the baby!"
And Mario is coming in for seconds.
The next day, Mario had a great plan.
Mario: "Alright boys and girls, we're going to have a few challenges that'll determine if you get the honor of being a Super Mario Bro!
Mario: "Ah biscuits, Mr. Tiny Broke out of Prison again. Keep an eye on your neck."
Mario: "Now the first challenge is, dance off!"
Oh look at Marcus Flex over there dancing his heart out. This makes him look like a good candidate.
However you can't deny Candy's smooth groove over here.
Mario: "Kay, you guys have fun, I'm going to go get hammered."
Just keep dancing Bjorn, maybe Mr Tiny will leave you alone if you just keep dancing.
Mario: "Honestly looks like Candy might be the winner of this dance o-HOLD THE PHONE!"
Mario: "Look at Bella busting a move over here! Well that concludes the first challenge!"
The first challenge? What's the next challenge?
They want to be a Mario Bro so badly that they'll gladly beat the snot out of each other.
Mario: "Don't get too excited fellas, you two are fighting next and the winner gets to fight the winner of this one."
Looks like Bella's our winner of the lady's round.
Marcus Flex vs Bjorn! Clearly the winner of this fight will be Marcus.
Oh......it was Bjorn.
And then Bjorn managed to beat Bella too.
Mario: "Well Bjorn, you are officially the front runner in this competition. How's it feel?"
Bjorn: "Honestly feels pretty sweet. I don't get to win too often so just being the front runner is already a big win for me!"
And that's when Mr Tiny pulled a Mr Tiny.
Cue Laughter.
Mario: "Well Bella, you're now the Front Runner!"
Hey Mr. Tiny, isn't that a witness?
Don't worry, Mr Tiny will take care of that witness. Who else but Mr Tiny?
Huh, Candy went right back to dancing....This is going to add a few points to her score. She's catching up to you Bella!
Now let's wrap this up.
Mario: "Hey-O, how's everyone doing tonight?"
Bob: "I've been doing alright. Just one thing though."
Bob: "This is getting REAL concerning."
It's March 10th everyone you know what that means? It's Mario Day! (Get it, because It's Mar 10, Mar10 ha ha) Or at least it's still Mar10 Day in my timezone for another hour so let's celebrate!
Bob: "Why, what's wrong?"
Mario: "YOU'RE BIGGER THAN A HOUSE! You got pregnant at the same time as Nancy and she just started showing!"
Bob: "I see nothing wrong with this!"
Later that Day, Mario wanted to pull a little prank.
Mario: "Oh ho, a cherry bomb in the toilet! This will be a great prank!"
Mario: "Boy I love Mar10 Day."
We all know who the victim will be.
Bob: "Not again, I'm drenched in toilet water!!!"
And Mario cost them 1500 Simoleons in damage with that one.
Let's get this party started!
Mario: "But not just any kind of party...."
Mario: "A KEGGER!"
Bob: "I thought we were having a baby shower."
Mario: "Nope, a Mar10 Party needs a keg!"
After a while the guests started showing up.
Mario: "Hey, turn that frown upside down! It's a Mar10 Party!"
Clara: "My husband was murdered by an escaped convict."
Bob: "And I'M pregnant, lady. You're not the only one here with problems."
Wow even got Luigi to show up, and of course he can't stand the sight of poor people.
Oh look it's Bella Goth.
And Nancy Landgraab....I guess Mario's the only poor person here.
Luigi: "Mario....is that man pregnant?"
Mario: "It's a long story, but it's best that we don't question it."
Mr Tiny: "I promised to be on my best behavior tonight."
David Bowie: "'Ello I am David Bowie."
This is not what I expected a Queen to wear.
Anyways time to kick this party up a notch, Mr Tiny helps Mario with a keg stand!
Nancy: "God I love that man."
Ah Mario's a little rusty with this. He failed the party.
Nancy: "Still love him."
Nancy: "Can I get an autograph?"
Luigi: "Sorry I don't give autographs to women that my brother is dating."
A special Mario Day Gift
Bob: "Uhh Mario?"
Speaking of success....
Bob: "Mario, I think I'm going into labor!"
Mario: "Yeah yeah I'll get you to the hospital after this drink, I'm cool to drive."
Bob: "Hey I'm here to have a baby."
Mario: "And I'm here because I am really curious about where this baby is going to come out."
Doctor: "Don't worry Mr. Pancakes, this is a real simple procedure......For Women, never tried it on a man so you might die!"
And thus Mario would forever be haunted by the sounds of Bob's agonizing screams. He just HAD to look.
Doctor: "Ta-da, you lived! AND it's a boy, I would suggest an alien name for your alien baby."
Bob: "I will name him.....Quizzglor."
Mario: "I'm pretty sure that's not even an alien name."
That's the face you make when you realize your dad is Bob Pancakes.
Happy Mario Day everyone!
Twists In Time And Space (Updated December 2nd 2018. New discord server!)
Bob Bobson (Updated August 12th 2019)
Mario: "Hey Bob, quick question. What happened to Bowser after I got locked up?"
Bob: "Bowser? Oh that's a good story."
Shortly after Mario got arrested, Bowser got into politics and ran for President. Easily won the election, during his Presidency he built new schools, hospitals, even funded the public school system with his own money, lowered unemployment to 1% because there always has to be that one guy who doesn't want to find a job, and even brokered Peace during the 50 year war between Simerica and the United States of America. Boy, Bowser sure was the best President ever.
But then when his re-election bid came in, he ran against Senator Rufus P Babyeater.
Babyeater: "Hey hey, you suck!"
Now naturally we all know how the election for President is held here in Simerica, with a battle between the candidates!
So Babyeater pulled out his knife and-
Mario: "President Babyeater killed Bowser?!"
Bob: "What? No no, he missed all the vital organs. Bowser survived, but of course Babyeater was now officially our President. First thing he did was grab the nearest baby and swallowed it whole."
Bob: "And then for the last 10 years has completely driven the country into the ground."
Reminiscing time is over, time to take care of cute little Quizzglor!
He's weirdly adorable!
Bob: "Wow, I can't believe I can breast feed him. I need to see about getting Quizzglor a Babysitter."
President Babyeater: "Did somebody say, Baby?"
Cue Laugh track.
Laugh Track time is over, time to get back to work!
Wow Mario, you sure handled that diaper change very well!
Mario: "I had to sleep in a prison cell with a toilet next to my bed, I can survive giving a kid a diaper change."
Mario: "Ready for your big show tonight?"
Bob: "Gee Mario, I can't perform tonight. Only person that answered my Babysitting ad was President Babyeater, and with his track record I'd rather not let him near Quizzglor."
Mario: "You can't skip out on this show, that would be Career Suicide!"
Mario: "Lucky for you, I have a perfect plan!"
Mario: "We'll have the Mario Brother Candidates care for your baby tonight!"
Candy: "Like OMG, we're babysitting!"
Mario: "Bella, you showed up late so that's going to cost you points."
Let the show begin!
Bob: "No, I'm nervous about my Baby!"
Mario: "Don't worry Bob, I'm sure you'll knock them dead!"
Mario: "Hopefully not literally, too many people die around us and it's getting concerning."
Bob: "Hey Sexy People, how are you all doing tonight?"
Not Sexy Guy: "Lonely!"
Malcolm: "Eww, it's the Ex-Husband."
Bob: "Mario can you help me? Malcolm is heckling me!"
Mario: "You're on your own, I'm chatting up this beauty."
Bob: "Hey everyone, ever hear the joke about the Millionaire who could've married a Super Model but decided to get with Bob Pancake's sloppy seconds? It'll probably end with him having to give her half his money."
Malcolm: "Oh ha ha, at least if Eliza divorces me she'll be taking MY money, when she divorced you she took HER money."
Bob: "Oh somebody's got jokes here too, apparently that's all you got considering I hear Mommy and Daddy are leaving you diddly squat in their will."
Malcolm: "You suck, get the hell out of here!"
Bob: "Ha ha, Joke's on you buddy. This is Public Property, you can't make me leave!"
Malcolm: "Unleash the hounds."
And thus, Bob was chased across the city by the Landgraab hounds once again.
Later that night.
Mario: "Hey Bob, sorry you got the hounds unleashed on you again. Did the Mario Brother Candidates take good care of Quizzglor?"
Bob: "Umm, about that."
Bob: "Pretty sure Quizzglor was much smaller before we left."
Mario: "Alright, who let the baby age up?"
Candy: "That would be me, boss."
Mario: "Well I'll have you know that's going to cost you some points Missy, now you better shape up or you're not going to be the new Mario Brother."
Candy: "Like, OMG."
To be continued...