Lost Pride - The Legacy of the Vampire Queen (A Simlit by LyricSimsz15)

LyricSimsz15 · September 2020

After the death of her parents, Nadysha Ivanov has been crowned the vampiric queen of Cavae, ruled under their dictator Count Vladislaus Straud. But their nation holds darkness at its core, and it’s up to her daughter, S, to diminish this darkness once and for all.

Back when I started Simlit in 2018, I made a story called Lost Pride. I didn't write the story for very long before I ended up getting rid of it, coming back a year later to reboot it but hardly having enough planned to work on it as consistently as I wanted to. Although I struggled with the plans I was still building the world and characters out of the story for about a year and a half. At some point, I came up with a completely new plot and direction for the story which gave me the drive to reboot it once more (permanently this time). After a few months of working, I'm finally ready to publish it.

I can't promise extremely consistent uploads of the story (I've already got another story that's planned out way more plus real life is stressful enough), but I'll do my best not to publish as infrequently as I did last time

But back on topic, the prologue for the new Lost Pride is already up and can be read here:

There's also a chapter index here that will be updated frequently.

ArcherDK · October 2020

Greetings. I must admit that I have found our story intriguing so far and I most interested in following it.

Onto Feedback:

I must immediately point out that the name Nadysha is a rather strange one.

In addition, if you were aiming for the eastern European surnames (Russian and alike), then for females Ivanov should be Ivanova. I understand your reasoning for avoiding this detail, but it is there.

I very much like the setup for Strauds. Nice approach to establishing Cavae's history. Not sure about choice of titles - count and countess would be more appropriate IMO - but this is minor. The crowns do stand out significantly, though.

I must point out the sheer length of the prologue. While in no position to make requests, I will still ask you to consider making actual chapters half as long or even less. This prologues is a doorstopper.

Other than these gripes, this is an interesting setup and I am interested in learning more. Following

LyricSimsz15 · October 2020

ArcherDK wrote: »

Greetings. I must admit that I have found our story intriguing so far and I most interested in following it.

Onto Feedback:
I must immediately point out that the name Nadysha is a rather strange one.

In addition, if you were aiming for the eastern European surnames (Russian and alike), then for females Ivanov should be Ivanova. I understand your reasoning for avoiding this detail, but it is there.

I very much like the setup for Strauds. Nice approach to establishing Cavae's history. Not sure about choice of titles - count and countess would be more appropriate IMO - but this is minor. The crowns do stand out significantly, though.

I must point out the sheer length of the prologue. While in no position to make requests, I will still ask you to consider making actual chapters half as long or even less. This prologues is a doorstopper.

Other than these gripes, this is an interesting setup and I am interested in learning more. Following

I'm glad to see you're enjoying the story so far and I very much appreciate your feedback. My comments on it:

I had the idea that Nadysha was a strange name as I'd never seen it recorded anywhere. I also was not aware of the detail with the last names. I've had the characters for a couple of years before starting this story, so I don't remember where I came across any of the names.

As for the chapter length, I hadn't considered the length of the prologue being much of an issue, although I can definitely see why it is. I can't make any promises as to what my average chapter length will be as I have a lot of story to cover, but I'll be trying to keep the really long chapters on a low count. Nowhere near as long as this one unless I can't avoid it.

ArcherDK · October 2020

@LyricSimsz15

Nadysha is basically a "sweet" variant of a name Nadezhda. Think John -> Johnny. Nadezhda means "Hope". Basically it would be appropriate for her parents to call her Nadysha or Nadyusha, while her loved onces would simply call her Nadya or Nadia. BUT - I can see the logic behind the choice, as it is indeed very strange and unusual name. There is also a moment with "Mitya", but I will not bore you with details.

As for the surname - all those suffixes can get really obnoxious, so I would completely understand why you would choose to keep it simple as "Ivanov". I apologize if I am getting annoying.

Regarding the chapter length - I understand and not asking anything of you. I just wanted to point out the potential issue. No offence intended :-)

LyricSimsz15 · November 2020

Hey everyone. I know this took me over a month (been having some burnout recently + this was a big chapter) but I finally got the first actual chapter of Lost Pride out! Hopefully the updates should be a little more consistent now but I can't make any promises. The chapter can be read here:

ArcherDK · November 2020

Ah, a long-awaited continuation of very solid and interesting prologue.

Firs of all, I would like to point out the sheer pressure on Nadysha. It felt rather real and solid. The grip of it. IF anything, I would like to also point out that the description could be a bit shorter. Better wording and maybe a sentence or two cut, but nothing that serious.

In addition, the weight of Cavae politics felt very oppressive. Expectorations VS what-is-best. Pragmatism vs idealism.

I was rather surprised to see Nadysha perish and here I must bring one issue - the sheer length of the chapter. I could easily see it being separated into 2 or even 3. Not for me to judge, of course, but still.

Overall - I am rather interested in seeing what will happen next. Thank you so much for an update :-)

LyricSimsz15 · November 2020

ArcherDK wrote: »

Ah, a long-awaited continuation of very solid and interesting prologue.
Firs of all, I would like to point out the sheer pressure on Nadysha. It felt rather real and solid. The grip of it. IF anything, I would like to also point out that the description could be a bit shorter. Better wording and maybe a sentence or two cut, but nothing that serious.

In addition, the weight of Cavae politics felt very oppressive. Expectorations VS what-is-best. Pragmatism vs idealism.

I was rather surprised to see Nadysha perish and here I must bring one issue - the sheer length of the chapter. I could easily see it being separated into 2 or even 3. Not for me to judge, of course, but still.

Overall - I am rather interested in seeing what will happen next. Thank you so much for an update :-)

I'm gonna start this by apologizing it took me ten days to get to replying, been busy so I haven't gotten a chance to check in on the forums.

Regarding the chapter and description lengths, I can see how they're an issue. Though if I'm being completely honest, in cases of chapters such as this one (where the plot points are really important to the story), they will likely end up on the longer side. I've only tried splitting up chapters once in the past but I will try doing that where applicable, though I can't make any promises every time. Sorry in advance for that.

About the Cavae's politics, they definitely are very oppressive which, to put it vaguely, I'm sure will become very obvious as the story progresses, especially as S and Nikolai get older.

I'm happy to see the story is interesting you, though! I'll try to keep the story going sooner rather than later.

LyricSimsz15 · November 2020

Accidentally double posted here.

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Lost Pride - The Legacy of the Vampire Queen (A Simlit by LyricSimsz15)

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