THE REBOOT
Cast of "Characters"
Evil Haruo
Evil-Haruo is evil...and mean-spirited. He doesn't like anyone and he's also a loner. He also is a kleptomaniac which means that he'll steal anything that isn't tied down. He's also an artistic type which means that with his kleptomaniac trait, he may turn around and steal an easel if he gets the opportunity...just so that he can learn how to paint...evil paintings.
Brooke McIrish
Evil_Haruo’s female counterpart and partner-in-crime. She’s the complete antithesis of River McIrish, her sister: evil with a mean-streak...(completely vicious to boot). In fact, she’s so evil, she makes Vita Alto cringe in fear and the main evil hag of Sunset Valley, Mayumi Chikamori, simmer in jealousy. She steals lollipops from babies and kicks puppies.
River McIrish
River McIrish is the quintessential goody-two-shoes in this household. Having the good trait, she practically makes Evil-Haruo want to vomit which considering the fact that he dumpster-dives, he does practically daily. She is also family-oriented, neat, artistic and a perfectionist. All traits that Evil-Haruo despises. She’s the girlfriend of Haruo and that in itself makes Evil_Haruo want to projectile-heave.
Haruo Chikamori
The counterpart of Evil_Haruo who rarely does anything bad and doesn’t make waves. It makes Evil_Haruo sick to his stomach when there are so many opportunities to cause mayhem that Haruo passes up on. Haruo doesn’t know what he wants to do in life...and passes his time collecting rocks and playing with his Rottweiler (no, that’s not a euphemism)
Bebe Hart
Has no idea what she wants in life either. She and Haruo would make a good pair if they got together if he hadn’t already gotten together with River. she's absent-minded which means that everybody is just waiting for her to cook and completely forget about the fact that she is cooking so she ends up causing an inferno. She is technophobic which means that she can’t stand anything related to technology like computers, TVs, etc etc. She doesn't have a job yet. Hopefully she gets one in the next little while or Evil-Haruo is going to be extremely unhappy due to the fact that he's currently the only one other than River who is bringing in any money into the household. She likes the simple things in life...toys...children's shows...it speaks to her inner self...her childish self.
Phil Burrows
And last but not least of the human sims is Phil Burrows..mentally he's not all there after getting hit by a car in 8th Grade. He's a few bricks short of a full wall and he does like the things that go bump in the night; he's absolutely sure that there's something out there. He's always talking before engaging his brain (Inappropriate) and he's enjoying his cartoons way too much to stop even though he's a young adult.
Jimmy Chikamori
The Rottweiler - He's confused. It'll sure make for some interesting times when he goes out to find gemstones. We'll see if he remembers where "home" is.
Well no-one said that life was easy...it's even harder when you have to deal with room-mates like these.
Always "River McIrish" ...and maybe some Bebe Hart. ~innocent expression~
Nikkei_Simmer
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Chapter One: Meeting My Nemesis
Evil_Haruo: Welcome to Sunset Valley, it’s the perfect place for me to settle in. And frankly, things have been a little too quiet. I’ve been wanting a nice little backwards town to turn upside down. And what better place to do that than the town my girl and I grew up in. Right, honey?
Brooke: ~evil chuckle~. I wonder if my little goody two-shoes sister is still hanging out at home. I’d like to teach River and my mom a lesson.
Evil_Haruo: didn’t they kick you out of the house?
Brooke: At eighteen; the witch.
Evil_Haruo: Our goal is not only to cause mayhem but to buy up every single house in town…and bankrupt everybody.
Brooke: (gleefully) …and kick them all to the curb. Especially that mean ol’mother and my sister.
Evil_Haruo: …did you know that my brother is dating your sister. The miserable sap sent me a picture of him and her.
Brooke: (connivingly) Oh that will be so much sweeter. I don’t like your brother anyway. Anyone who associates with my sister who I despise will be someone I thoroughly hate. They’ll look nice together sleeping in a tent, then we can spread ugly rumours about them.
Evil_Haruo: (chuckling evilly). So what got my brother on your bad side?
Brooke: The act of breathing.
Evil_Haruo: My love, you are a piece of work.
Brooke: oh it all comes naturally, mind you.
Narrator: Yes life will never be the same in little quiet Sunset Valley; after all, when those two make a promise to cause havoc, it’s a done deal. I feel sorry for Jared Frio.
Evil_Haruo: Don’t feel sorry for Frio.
Waste of time feeling sorry for someone that will just end up being scraped off the bottom of my shoe.
Brooke: Can I kick him in the family pearls?
Evil_Haruo: Only if I can...after.
Evil-Haruo: If there is a deity; he must really have a nasty sense of humor. I'm stuck in this house with a bunch of goody two-shoes. My goal is to make as much simoleons as I can but there's no way I'm going to be able to do it with a bunch of do-gooders around here. Frankly anyone that I've met has either made me feel like I'll do one of two things: either strangle them slowly and painfully or want to heave my stomach from all the goody things that they want to do. Why is it that most people tend towards the good side of the spectrum? But there's no way to control these things and make them do my bidding so I'll just have to stomach the insufferable nauseating goodness of these Sims, who not one out of the lot of them have the evil gene. If they did, I'd be able to get along with them. OK...at least to a certain point before one of them ticks me off and I bury them six feet under...upside down.
Oh...good heavens...I can't even control myself. I'm ordering myself to be as evil as I possibly can and shout to the heavens:"You PATHETIC Peons...DO MY BIDDING!" but I can't even begin to believe it that I'm going up to the most goody-two-shoes of the bunch: this red-head by the name of River McIrish and...talking to her! What the heck am I doing?!! What the heck am I doing anyways? I’m supposed to be the incarnation of evil and yet, I’m making idle conversation with this...yech...good...~spits on ground~ thing. I really need to get my priorities straight; which is to say the least, not be talking to disgustingly good people. My goal is to take over this town one house by one house pillaging this pathetic little township called Sunset Valley and making them bend to my every will and put them all out on the street while I cackle in glee.
And Brooke’s sister is happily talking to me about Watcher-Knows-What. I have no clue. And my tick-tock is getting a nice warm fuzzy – what the hell? My goal is to live in the lap of luxury and my girlfriend is getting really hot under the collar, I wonder what she’s going to do to her sister. This is gonna be good.
Brooke: “You getting cozy...need a room?”
River: “Of course you had to be stuck here with us”...
Brooke: “Well of course you had to, Mom said that you two didn’t have enough money to carry the mortgage. So since MY boyfriend is investing...she asked him to take care of part of the mortgage.”
River: “Yeah, that no longer makes it our house...”
Brooke: “...that’s not a problem...in my books...besides we’re going to own all of Sunset Valley very shortly... though of course, if you feel like you need some air, there’s always under the bridge...going across the Fraser out of town. Besides, it’ll make you feel right at home...”
Evil Haruo: Wait a sec...I gotta get this on Bets.com. I’m taking 16-1 odds on Brooke beating her sister to a pulp.
...and then the fight started.
Always "River McIrish" ...and maybe some Bebe Hart. ~innocent expression~
Chapter One: "Meeting My Nemesis" (Part Two)
Cat Fight!!!
Evil_Haruo: Meanwhile, her boyfriend is standing there like a goof and just watching. But of course if he jumped, I’d have to jump in and then well, he’d just be in a world of pain.
I’m not sure what caused the fight or what was said between both sisters but it was fun to watch. My Brooke had a wicked right hook and River had no problem with kicking Brooke right where it would be excruciatingly painful for me to get hit. Bebe and Haruo were looking aghast.
And Phil was just giggling his hind-quarters off. I was considering giving him a shot to the ribs, but then the whining would start then I’d have to go bury him headfirst in a manure pile.
My goody two-shoes brother and I have known Phil, Bebe and the McIrish sisters for as long as we’ve lived. And Phil’s been annoying for nearly all twenty years of how long we’ve known him for. And the McIrish sisters have hated each other for almost as long.
Haruo: Are they done yet?
Evil_Haruo: I think not.
Brooke: You…witch!!!
River: I hate your guts, Brooke!!!
Evil_Haruo: (to Haruo) Wanna go get some popcorn?
Haruo: You buying?
Evil_Haruo: Dutch, you pay for the drinks.
Phil: Hey, this is better than a WWE pay-per-view.
Bebe: You three are awful.
River: STOP PULLING MY HAIR!!!
Brooke: I’m gonna make you BALD!!! Oof!
Evil_Haruo: Evidently River kneed Brooke in the guts. And Brooke was trying to pull River’s hair out by the roots.
Haruo: Guess we could order out. Want Chinese food instead?
Phil: Yeah. That sounds like a great idea.
Brooke: I’m gonna make it so you have to gum your food for the rest of your life!!!
River: Not if I knock your teeth down your throat first!!!
Evil_Haruo: yeah, this might be going on for a while.
Always "River McIrish" ...and maybe some Bebe Hart. ~innocent expression~
Chapter One: Meeting My Nemesis (Part 3)
Getting Jobs
Evil Haruo: well, pretty much everyone got part-time jobs except for that slacker Phil and my brother; goody two-shoes Haruo. Of course I got a part time job. I need some time to contemplate mayhem.
Evidently Bebe took it upon herself to train Jimmy the Rottie how to hunt. Not sure how well that’s gonna go since Jimmy was the most confused pup out of the litter. My gut feeling says he ate insulation. Yeah. The dimmest bulb out of the entire package of light-bulbs.
I don’t know what everyone else is doing but since I’m the one paying the blooming taxes, they’d better be pulling their weight. Otherwise I’m gonna be real annoyed and they don’t wanna see me when I’m really annoyed.
Except Brooke, she can do no wrong by my books. And we both plan a lot of mayhem. There’s a lot of unlikable people in this town.
Brooke has gotten to the point where her sister is really starting to get on her nerves. And I’d hate to be the one Brooke is antagonistic to. Sure glad it ain’t me.
Anyways according to what I’ve heard, Phil and River have both got jobs as Candy-Stripers at the local hospital. Who knows what their job entails. I have no idea what they do, other than being around sick and dying people. That sounds like a great occupation. Just hope their shots are up to date and they don’t bring home anything catching.
Me, I’m doing a gig as a part-time deliquent, y’know “Sticky-fingers”, “five-finger discount” n’ all that stuff. Hey, if it’s light, portable and easy to hide, why not? It’s not like these stores aren’t making billions off the backs of hard-working stiffs like, uh well, other people. Me, I like the easy game.
Look, even if my gig’s part-time, I can use the time I don’t spend there laying the groundwork for my plan. Kingpin better watch it; I’m comin’ for his job.
Of course, at that moment, I hear one horrendous screech like a giant ripping a huge piece of paper; ear-splitting in fact.
And of course a thunderous explosion in the foothills. Rumour had it that it was a meteor. And evidently, Stiles McGraw, Kate Pistachio and Cycl0n3 Sw0rd were in the general vicinity of ground zero. Hopefully they got flattened. We also found out that Geoffrey Landgraab was also there and got singed. Looks like Sunset Valley General emergency is going to have a bit of work on its hands.
I hope Haruo is collecting that meteorite because that thing’s probably worth a lot of money and right now we have §187 in our bank account and we need to eat at some point today.
According to Haruo, he went over to Aleister’s after he picked up the meteorite. And evidently he had several small meteorites as well as two large and one gigantic one. That must have been a slog to carry them over but well, he got them there. And the haul brought us to §93,000 or thereabouts. Not bad. Thought we might end up having to kick him and his girlfriend out. Maybe not.
Cheeses me off somewhat since I have to bust my tail-end off working for a boss trying to make a living while he gets to roam around free as a lark looking for stuff. Lucky schmuck.
Well at least he and Phil are doing something. Brooke decided to become a chess master and well she plans to use her winnings to take over the town. That’s my girl. Now all she has to do is beat a ranked chess player and make a name for herself. Then we’ll be swimming in dough.
Meanwhile Bebe got herself a job at the Science Centre which for someone who is technophobic, is an achievement. I gain malicious pleasure in knowing just how uncomfortable she is at her job. And of course she had to buy herself a computer to write books and reports with so she gets absolutely no respite from her anxieties. Oh my Watcher, am I ever in stitches. Then of course Bebe’s a busy girl. She headed out to take a writing class.
Meanwhile Phil has come home from his Candy-Striper job and gone straight out to the garbage dump and now he’s gonna go dumpster diving. He’s gonna need a shower after this or he’s going to end up stinking up the house. That’s gonna affect the resale value of the house and then I’m going to have to hurt him…terribly.
With the next day gemstone sale and even a §467 tax bill from the government, we were still able to buy a nice little place out in Summerhill Court. Vacant property, no loud neighbours and we get to build a house that can fit all of us comfortably.
After all, Jimmy, as confused as he is, managed to find a tiberium and two soulpeace gemstones. We’ve struck it rich, boys n’girls.
Always "River McIrish" ...and maybe some Bebe Hart. ~innocent expression~
Chapter One: Meeting My Nemesis (Part 4)
Making the Town Hate Us
Evil Haruo: Phil is an idiot; mainly he tends to drape himself over others but he got on the wrong side of Bebe Hart with a “heat of the moment” kiss. Boy I could hear Bebe let him have it from a mile away. That girl’s got some good lungs.
Of course the dimwit tried to pass it off as “he didn’t know what he was doing”. Yeah sure, Phil. Evil_Haruo knows most things and he definitely knows you don’t lay hands on a woman if you want your knackers intact. I’m wondering why Bebe didn’t just free-kick his family pair into low earth-orbit.
At least then Phil could be useful in the sense that he could sing castrati in a choir…that is if he wasn’t tone-deaf. At least he doesn’t try to sing while doing his morning constitutional since he has the musical tonality of a sick cow and I really don’t want to listen to his braying. I’d be tempted to bury him sixty feet underground just to preserve my hearing.
Well, there’s nothing like the park for meet n’greets with the rest of the townsfolk. And you know pretty much about the townsfolk of Sunset Valley; they all grind my gears to the point where I just want to exterminate them all. And they all gather here like bees to honey and of course, I just have to come down here...
...because I’m hungry. ...and so's my brother...and there's food here. Simple logic really...
Do I happen to give off an evil aura or somethin’? Because I step into the park and who do I spy but Buster Clavell – he’s a whiny old goat that goes around ticking people off just for gits and shiggles. Of course I try to ignore his mutterings but finally it gets me to the point where I go off on him.
Evil Haruo: Hey...you geriatric old dog, you mind knocking off with your muttering before I clam your mouth up for you?
Buster Clavell: What? How dare you talk to me like that.
Evil Haruo: I dare all right. I’m trying to enjoy a nice day at the park and your whining, whizzing and moaning is downright starting to jack me up straight-up. If you don’t shut your pie-hole, I’m going to shut it for you.
Buster Clavell: I’ll have you know that I was a bruiser in my day. I was mopping the floor with losers like you. You won’t lay a finger on me, you miserable piece of human excrement.
Evil Haruo: Did you just call me a miserable piece of human excrement? I’m going to make you measure your height horizontally in the dirt, you ancient colostomy-bag. I gave him a resounding slap to the left cheek and followed it up with a return-slap with the back of my hand. That oughta make him see stars.
...and the fight started.
Buster got the worst of it. Not only was he slow; he was moving like he was encased in a coating of molasses. Maybe he should actually use a cane. What a great way to start the day off at the park; beating up a geriatric.
Meanwhile the rest of the family was at the park too. Bebe was at work at the Science Center and as such, she was away for nearly all the festivities – yes, there was a festival in town.
Meanwhile, Brooke got into an altercation with the town’s other evil hag, Vita Alto...and frankly, Vita-Mean...had it coming. Nobody does evil like my girl, Brooke, and well, she decided to give Vita a right hook. I don’t know what Vita said that caused that, but well, let’s face it, she ended up flat on the ground.
Well...that's going to leave a mark.
Always "River McIrish" ...and maybe some Bebe Hart. ~innocent expression~
Chapter One: Meeting My Nemesis (Part 5)
Next Day Same as the Last
Evil Haruo: Next morning was pretty much a repeat of the previous morning where we went to the park. Phil got on Bebe's nerves...and they got into a rousing argument...thank goodness that it subsided before I had to get involved or one or both of them would have been tossed out the window...then they'd really be in some pain since I would have to replace the window and then I’d have to take it out of their hides.
Bebe: You’re not trying THAT again, Phil. Or I swear, I’m going to kick your family jewels into next week.
Phil: What the hell did I do?
Bebe: You kissed me...
Phil: Yeah...you certainly look kissable.
Bebe: ...without my permission, you 🐸🐸🐸🐸.
Phil: Well...maybe you just need kissing more regularly.
Bebe (gritting her teeth): You’re incorrigible!
Evil_Haruo: Ah, the ever changing tides of family dynamics. It’s enough to make you seasick. Anyhow, I realized that I couldn’t just watch the two of them arguing all day,
Meanwhile, the other pair in the house were doing something together that just about turns my stomach, unless it’s me and Brooke doing it. Good God...thank goodness I had the foresight to put up a cedar bush fence that obscures those two. Way to give the neighbours a peep-show. The things I have to put up with in order to help out a pair that can’t function on their own without financial help. Just how do I get myself into these things? Yeah, that’s right. My parents couldn’t stop at just one kid.
So evidently my brother decided that he was going to bring in a crafting table, so I decided to do a little “crafting”. Evidently what I crafted exploded – I mean, it really wasn’t supposed to though with a few tweaks I’m sure that I could make things explode. But of course I ended up with my rear-end on fire.
“OMG...Brooke, I’m on fire...Put me out!!!”
Brooke McIrish: “Honey, you know where the shower is...go put yourself out and stop disturbing my beauty sleep.”
Evil Haruo: I decided that I needed to head down to the bookstore to pick up a few skill books. Hey, even Evil_Haruo can learn something to help out the family finances. The first rule of admitting that one isn’t omniprescient is knowing that he doesn’t know everything, so better that he admit that the capacity to learn is infinite and that one never ceases learning. Besides it gets me out of the house and keeps me from putting two more sims in the Sunset Valley graveyard.
When I get to the bookstore, who do I see, but Little Nicky. Yes, that’s right, Nick Alto. I don’t know if he’s got the insane trait, but he was choking himself when I got there. Then some preternatural force picked him up and slammed him on the ground several times. Every one saw that happen. It wasn’t my imagination. Nor did I have anything to do with it. But frankly it amused the absolute pee out of me. If anyone deserved that bit of shellacking, Little Nicky did. He’s an 🐸🐸🐸🐸-turnip of the highest degree. I’d love to beat the ever-loving carp out of him, but well, it would be a waste of my efforts. Better to bleed him dry financially and I’ll figure that out eventually.
I also had to go to the grocery store. Brooke and I have to eat. Guess the other four have to eat too, but it’s tempting to just starve them. Maybe that might give them some incentive to do something constructive.
Brooke: “Hey, honey...we’re at the park again and guess who showed up.”
Evil_Haruo: “Lemme guess...a few more idjits that we have to beat up?”
Brooke: “Something like that... You comin’ over?”
Evil_Haruo: “As soon as I finish grocery shopping.”
Evil_Haruo: Evidently Jared Frio had 🐸🐸🐸🐸 off the Watcher and He’d launched lightning at him. Jared Frio was walking around looking like he’d walked right into the path of a flamethrower – too bad it didn’t kill him, but well, he really wasn’t much of anything other than a speedbump that I’d run over on my way to the top of Sunset Valley’s financial heap. Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous, that is.
I could see Brooke was foreseeing a huge dustup and exulting in the anticipated carnage. And of course, I couldn’t disappoint her. So me n’ Frio went at it.
Evil_Haruo: “Hey, Frio, ever heard of a shower, you smell like six day old road kill and you look like you sat on a backyard grill.”
Jared Frio: “What’s it to you? you puny shrimp...”
...and the fight was on...
He hits like a pansy.
Always "River McIrish" ...and maybe some Bebe Hart. ~innocent expression~
Chapter One: Meeting My Nemesis (Part 6)
"Even a wuss will hit back if pushed enough..."
Evil Haruo: My brother has always been one to shy away from a fight, even though I told him that it wouldn’t help him to not get hit. He’s never really been one to get into it with anyone. That kind of be nice be reasonable attitude will get you walked all over.
I, on the other hand, will walk all over anyone who tries that with me. And now you know just how our family dynamic worked when we were kids. I beat up my brother a lot when we were kids.
Of course after my tussle with Fried Frio, who else would come along but that festering slob of a dungheap, Beau Andrews, who starts getting into it with my brother. Ordinarily I don’t stand for this – I’d beat the malefactor to a pulp. Only one person should beat up my brother and that’s me. But I feel it’s time for my brother to grow up and learn a vital lesson in life. If you get into it with someone, don’t expect someone to come to your rescue. And if you can’t beat up the guy that’s pestering you, you’re gonna be the one that gets beat up. So...time for my brother to man up and beat the bugger like he’d smash an orange with a hammer: to a pulp.
Good_Haruo: I don’t wanna fight you, Beau...
Beau Andrews: Ha, everyone told me you were a wuss. Maybe I should slap you silly.
Good_Haruo: Look, why are you picking on me.
Beau Andrews: Because you’re a wimp.
Evil_Haruo: Are you gonna take that from that two-bit piece of cow-dung? By now I’d be feeding him his happy bits. C’mon, bro. Pin your pair together and jump him.
Good_Haruo: But, I don’t wanna...
Beau Andrews: Maybe your brother slapped all the brave out of you when you were growing up.
Good_Haruo: Don’t go there, Beau. That has nothing to do with you.
Beau Andrews: Your brother was right, you’re nothing but a wuss. Maybe your girl here would be more inclined to be with a man like me.
Evil_Haruo: Just for future reference for readers: If you really don’t wanna get your hind-end beaten to an ever-loving pulp: just don’t bring someone’s girl into fight-matters. Guys really don’t like that...and guaranteed it’s going to earn you an 🐸🐸🐸🐸-whoopin’
Good_Haruo (snaps): You asked for it...you son-of-a-...
Beau Andrews: Owwwww...where’d you learn to hit like that?
Good_Haruo: Who else... from my brother. Wanna snap off a few more wise-cracks? I got more where that comes from.
Beau Andrews: No more...no more...I take it all back.
Good_Haruo: Gimme §1000 and I won’t tell your wife.
Evil_Haruo (at Beau): Meow...My bro’s learning; extortion, I’m so proud.
Evil Haruo: Well...in any case Frio was sobbing like a little fragile flower after the beating I gave him. And of course my brother decides that he’s going to go scare him. OK, I hope he hasn’t bitten off more than he can chew. Beating up that lard-bucket Andrews is one thing, but pounding on Frio, certified bad-mother, is another.
But it’s truly a day for surprises. My brother puts on a gi with an orange belt. Wait a second, where’d that come from?
Meanwhile my brother’s girl is pretty much ripping Beau Andrews a new hole to excrete from.
River McIrish: Just where the hell do you get off thinking I’d even consider you as a potential matchup. You festering heap of pig-dung.
Beau Andrews: Wait...what?
River McIrish: I wouldn’t even give you the time of day. You’re a gross sleazebag.
Evil Haruo: Then my brother promptly stomped Frio's hind-end. Didn't know he had it in him.
Yep, the Chikamori family is not one to get trifled with...and we’re going to turn Sunset Valley completely upside down. We’re pretty much a family right here right now. Nobody’s gonna mess with one of us because they’ll get all of us jumping their rear-ends.
Always "River McIrish" ...and maybe some Bebe Hart. ~innocent expression~