1. Kass is intended to be a flawed character. She isn't perfect, but I feel this makes her more realistic. Do her flaws annoy you or deepen her character? Or something else entirely? What do you see as her strengths/gifts?
2. Do you have a favorite character so far? Do you have a least favorite character? Who do you want to know more about?
3. Do you have a favorite scene/chapter thus far?
4. Any future predictions based on where you are in the story?
5. What questions do you have for me? Any other thoughts you'd like to share?
1. Most of the time her flaws annoy me. I try to be understanding of them but sometimes she reacts so boldly without rationalizing anything I'm having a hard time keeping up. I do feel like her flaws deepen her character though. Just because she annoys me doesn't mean you haven't made her realistic or haven't written her well. She just might not be my favourite person and that happens. I do like the story, the mysteries and some of the other characters enough to stick around. I'm also open to Kass surprising me when she matures and develops more. Some of her strengths are that she's fiercely protective of people she cares about and she's loyal to them, she sticks to her guns and doesn't let anyone talk her out of her own opinion although not in a way that hinders her. She seems willing to re-evaluate her opinions when she thinks she might be wrong.
2. My favourite character so far has to be Davis. I wasn't fully sold yet, but after reading his interlude in arc 19... It's safe to say I like him the most. My least favourite character is either Howard or Amy. I don't have a real explanation except for that they need to do better for their kids. I'd like to know more about Brittany. I won't say anything else because no one is as far in as I am and I don't want to spoil it.
3. My favourite chapter right now is Davis' interlude. My absolute favourite writing of yours. It felt atmospheric and dark, but not too dark. Very intriguing.
4. Davis and Kass might not work out. I won't say too much. I think they're super cute and work well together, but I think some stuff might come up where things could go wrong for them.
Amy will become a better mother (at least I'm hoping for that) and starts to heal.
Howard and Kass will go on that roadtrip together. I feel like Kass might not want to miss out on a chance to reacquaint herself with her dad.
5. Even after your rewrite of the story, is there still something you would change about it?
What do you do if you don't feel happy with your own writing?
How did you create the characters (the actual sims) in KCLKF, were they born in-game or did you create them through CAS?
You've been playing these characters before we ever got to know them, were you always planning on writing a story?
Who is your favourite character to write about? And who is the hardest one to write from?
Did you get huge surprises the game sprung on you throughout the story? Did they derail the story? How did you (vaguely) deal with those?
Phew, OK! I'm up to Arc 7, and I really love the story. Sorry for the delay, but here are my responses to all of the discussion questions you initially posted. Sorry for the huge wall of text!
General Questions: 1. All my Sims stories take place in the future (with an alternative history on Earth) on another planet (Simterra). What do you think of the worldbuilding? Does everything make sense? What additional questions do you have about the world building?
Wow, just... wow. Your worldbuilding is magnificent. So many details everywhere! It must have taken you a lot to build a world like this that seems familiar and yet is so richly different from what we know, and I really applaud you for it. I'm not always looking for worldbuilding when I read Sim stories, but I really love stories that incorporate this because I'm a quite voracious reader and love knowing even the most irrelevant minutiae about universes. Your story scratches this itch, and then some! Everything is presented in a way that plunges us into your world, but you also have very useful explanations about everything from the time frame, to the history, to the calendar, to the geography, and to the lifestyle, and even more! What made you interested in creating such an expansive and intricate world with such a rich history?
About your more recent question, I think pages on your blog with detailed descriptions of the worldbuilding elements like timeline, countries, languages, cultures, and things like that would be useful! Almost like a wiki that people like me that are really avid about reading deep details like this can peruse outside of the main story. We mentioned this in the comments of your blog, but I have my own wiki and I use it as a way to have characters and other things laid out in a very structured way and also for deepening characters, etc. outside of the constraints of the story, and I think you have more than enough information about your world to put in a format like this, and that could be an interesting project for you.
2. I put little Author's Notes at the bottom of every chapter. Are they useful? Do you like them? Do they help clarify things from the chapter?
Yes, they're very useful and interesting! I love learning even more details about your world, I'm fascinated by the degree of worldbuilding that you have in the story, so I look forward to your notes after each chapter. They're useful, as well, because you explain things in a way that's clear and concise and that would have been awkward to insert into the chapters themselves. Often, I have questions about the chapters only to find that you help clarify them in the notes, and I like this. I could see that not everyone might like the notes because I suppose they could break the immersion in the story when there's a break in the narration like that between chapters, but I tend to enjoy them very much.
3. The chapters are broken into arcs. Is this helpful? Do you find the breaks natural? (sometimes I use cliffhangers)
I think yes. Having arcs like this helps divide the story into bite-size pieces and I think that's effective. If it was all just chapters with no divisions to help with the reading it would be a little daunting, especially since your story is long. I liked having the arcs, they helped me with setting up breaks in the reading to let things sink in. The breaks are natural to me, they come at good moments and they frequently motivate me to keep reading because the intrigue you leave the readers with at the end of the chapter is just to good to stop. I'm not confused about the arcs or the chapters included in each because I think it flows well.
4. What is your initial impression of Kass, my main character/the protagonist?
Kass is great character. Even from the beginning, you've captured the essence of life at that point with all of the emotions that come with the age. She has a very rich and detailed history, and knowing all of these details about her life helps me to identify with her on some things and sympathize with her in others. You've created a very relatable character with a lot of depth and I really found myself rooting for her from the very beginning.
5. The first part of the story is most definitely slice-of-life with some elements of supernatural/fantasy and mystery thrown in. Do you like it? How is it similar or different to other slice-of-life stories you've read?
I like it a lot. I think that you have a wonderful style of writing that immerses the reader into the life of Kass and the other characters, and the slice-of-life approach is very effective. I'm so immersed in the world you've built that when things like the fantasty and supernatural elements come into play I find myself believing them even though I know they're fictional. I like this because even though the slice-of-life approach is very popular, yours is very detailed and immersive and I truly feel like I'm witnessing the life of a character that I've grown to know well and like.
6. Any thoughts on my writing style? The length of chapters? The pacing?
I love your writing style. The chapters are rich with detail, and I love learning more about not only the characters but the whole world they live in when I read each part. You have a way of writing emotions and interactions that feels very realistic and my immersion as a reader is very satisfying. I think the chapters are a good length, easy to read if I want just a few at a time, but also if I want to binge (like I did over the last couple of days). The pacing also works well, not too much happening in each chapter, but just enough. Things don't seem to go too fast, but I don't feel like any part of the story drags along too much either, even when certain chapters have several parts. I see from your more recent questions that the pacing has been brought up, but honestly it hasn't bothered me.
Arc Specific Questions: Arc 1:
What do you think of the Prologue (the first five chapters)? Do you feel like it gives you a good introduction to Kass, her family, and backstory? Do you have additional questions about her family/past?
I think this is very well done. From what I read in your notes, this wasn't quite as developed in the first iteration of KCLKF, and I wonder what that looked like. As it is, I think the prologue is a very detailed and wonderful way of getting to know Kass's family and her backstory. I entered the main story with lots of knowledge about her and I think that helped me instantly feel comfortable with the events. I'm really looking forward to seeing how these details come into play at later points in her life, because I'm sure they will and I'm happy I knew about them beforehand. I don't particularly have any further questions about her past at this point because you did such a flawless job of presenting these details.
Arc 2:
What do you think of the introduction of Kass' relationship with her mom and sisters? Does it feel realistic? What about the introduction of her friends, Ayesha and Gage?
It certainly feels realistic to me! Given that they're at different ages (but not too different), it's normal to see these sort of playful, sometimes annoying, interactions. I enjoyed Kass's interactions with her mom, as well. I think the little details you placed here and there of how they interact (Kass giving her mom a little sass, Amy almost babying her in the way she speaks to her, the descriptions of Amy's smell and the temperature of her feet, little things like this) makes them feel natural and realistic. I can almost feel my own mom coming through in Amy's character...
About Ayesha and Gage, well. I like Ayesha a lot, she seems like a grounded, motivated young woman who wants to move away from the strict limitations of her family and their religion. I especially like how she's a great friend to Kass. I'm looking forward to seeing more of her! Gage, well, I had a less-than-stellar first impression of him with how he spoke to Kass in Future Plans, Part 2, but his interlude really helped to make him more sympathetic, and I enjoyed the glimpse into his family life that we got. I can't say I like him quite yet, but I'm certainly interested by him.
Arc 3:
a) What are your thoughts about Clark? Thoughts about VJ?
VJ seems like a great guy! I felt almost predisposed to dislike him because of the way we first meet him, but honestly he seems like he genuinely cares for and respects Andi and wants the best for her, so I like him. Clark... well, he seems really sketchy. What is it with him and the fake accent? Not to mention the sketchy meeting at the park. He seems nice enough when he's interacting with Kass and her family, but knowing that it's likely a front makes him really unlikable. Similarly to Gage (back when I first read about him! My thoughts have changed by now), I can't say I like him, but he's certainly interesting.
b) Andi and Kass discuss faith. What are your thoughts about my take on the Jacoban/Peteran faith from Sims Medieval?
I actually haven't played The Sims Medieval before, so I can't quite answer this question as fully as I would like, but I did do a bit of reading on the Sims wiki and I think you've taken the basics and introduced religion into your world very well. I'm not particularly religious, but I appreciated that the character that brings it up in the story seems to be very faithful and excited by it. It's a refreshing perspective considering that so much modern fiction tends to look at religion as a bad thing.
c) Andi and Kass also discuss dating and Kass proceeds to think about her love life. Did it feel realistic?
Yes, I think it's pretty realistic! I've spent many nights reminiscing about my little crushes from my childhood and pre-teenage years. The way she thought about them and remembered their little moments together was cute.
d) Also, this arc introduces one of the many mysteries in this story. How do you think I handled its introduction?
The mystery you introduced with Clark is interesting! I think the way that you first presented it, with us witnessing what Kass heard and saw, was the perfect way to do it because it didn't seem forced or hamfisted. Kass was out looking for her sister and just happened to run into a man who was already coming to her home, it's believable. Also, the mystery isn't some sort of enormous conspiracy, it's something more mundane (not that this is a bad thing, and also this isn't to mean that the things that Kass suspects are mundane, haha) and that seems pretty realistic to me!
Arc 4:
What are your thoughts about Davis? Did you like his interlude?
I like him. He seems authentic and good. He's also interesting; I, like Kass, am intrigued about his studying biology. His flirting with Kass wasn't over the top at all, it was more subtle and suave than overbearing. Kass obviously feels that he's into her, but it's not creepy or too much, it's just right. Seeing her swoon over him was fun! And the interlude, well. That put me firmly on Davis's team, consider me a Davis fan! I liked seeing what he thought about Kass and seeing glimpses of his own vulnerability when he doubted if Kass was even into him. He's a delight, and I'm really looking forward to seeing where his story with Kass goes!
Also P.S. I really loved the hints he threw about Kass's conversation with Howard not going very well, I like seeing little details of the story unfold like this without Kass's insight specifically. I mean, it's going to be interesting to see her discuss her talk with her dad, but I liked getting a piece of information from another character's perspective.
Arc 5:
a) Howard drops a bit of a shock on Kass. How do you feel about this father/daughter reunion? What about the introduction of EXCES?
Wow! I wasn't expecting him to be dying, even though I imagined that he had some sort of big bombshell to drop on Kass given the way he approached her prior to the coffee date. I think it's selfish of him to want to reconnect after all this time just because HE wants to feel some sort of fulfillment by reaching out to his daughters. What about THEIR feelings? I don't know. I understand him, but he hasn't cared about their feelings for years and suddenly he wants Kass to forgive him and move on? Again, I understand his reasons and I feel bad for him that he's going through such a terrible disease, but I can't help but be angry at him. And EXCES, wow! It's a fictional disease but you did such a good job of explaining the basics of it and the treatment, I felt like it could be real. Your detailed writing really helps when you introduce things like this.
b) Amy struggles with depression. Did that show in the chapters?
Yes, it really did. I mean, it was very relevant in the prologue within the text, and I saw glimpses here and there when Kass was interacting with her. I like that you didn't make it the main talking point when mentioning Amy, and instead you built up her character slowly as time went along, adding details and interactions that pointed to her depression. You can really tell that Amy has long been self-effacing when it comes to her daughters and this (among other things, I'm sure) has led to her becoming depressed to the point where Kass feels like she has to tell her outright that she deserves to be happy. It's sad but pretty realistic.
c) Kass also exhibits signs of anxiety. Does that show in the chapters?
I think so, yes. Especially in the way that she thinks about the things happening in her life. The way she's terrified about all the changes happening around her, I think, is very telling. She obviously has a problem with this and it's manifesting in anxiety about things she can't really, and shouldn't, control.
d) What do you think about Kass' job offer?
It's interesting! I like this idea for her, I think it will be good for her to do something that's not quite related to what she's been doing so far. It will be a nice change of environment for her, will look good on her CV, and it might be a convenient way of investigating Clark. I hope she accepts the offer.
Arc 6:
Okay now for some fun... a) what did you think of Kass and Ayesha's interactions?
I LOVE THEM! I really love who Ayesha is, she's fun, kind, sweet, but also gives Kass a little bit of sass and has a great sense of humor. She's the kind of friend I am, honestly, and I love seeing her interactions with Kass. I like Kass a lot, of course, but sometimes she seems like she's too serious for her age, and having some levity in the story through her friendship with Ayesha is really lovely. I'm a huge Ayesha fan! Favorite character by far.
b) What about the meetup with Davis? How do you feel about a relationship between Kass and Davis?
I think you've captured the feeling of awkwardly flirting with a teenage crush quite well. I mean, I remember exactly what that was like, and this reflected it wonderfully. Kass is a nervous mess when it comes to him, and I love seeing how he's still suave and smooth even when it's quite obvious that she's into him. I think having his interlude earlier where he also expressed nervousness was instrumental in me really rooting for them to be a thing. I really like them together! Kass deserves someone like this, who's going to excite her but also respect her and treat her well.
I do wonder, though, where this will go because Kass is... leaving for another city, no? How is this going to work out if it becomes a romantic relationship?
c) What about when the girls went to the high school to "spy?"
I wasn't expecting Kass to come up with an idea like this! I can see why she thinks it's useful to find out more things about Clark, who's definitely a shady character, but I really hope she doesn't get caught because that would be super awkward and could cause trouble between Amy and Clark. Edit: Phew, they didn't get caught. I'm glad! Though I'm not sure how useful to Kass this breaking and entering will be in the long run. And it's bad that their intrusion caused such a commotion.
Arc 7:
How do you feel about Gage's confession? Do you think Kass could've reacted/responded differently? Did you like Gage's interlude?
I'm not a huge fan of his timing. I'm happy he spoke up about it, though. I think Kass needed to hear it because she's been insecure about their friendship/relationship since she realized she likes him. I think her reaction to it was very appropriate, given the last few days. I am very here for her having a relationship with someone she has an uncomplicated connection with, Davis, and I think she should allow herself the liberty of pursuing this, because she deserves to have a bit of fun and excitement in her life without all the baggage that a romantic relationship with Gage would entail. Not to mention that he'd probably grow to resent her if he sets aside everything that he's been wanting to do AND his dream school for her, even though he does say that he already has a family that he loves (I particularly enjoyed this bit, I always thought it was a little harsh that he didn't consider call his foster parents his parents). I liked his interlude, it was interesting to see his perspective on everything that happened in that moment.
Arc 8 and beyond
I actually had to stop myself from reading after Arc 7 because I realized I put off a lot of responsibilities for the weekend, but I'm looking forward to reading more! I think now that I have an introduction to your story and I'm mostly caught up with the other stories in the circle, I'll be able to pace myself a little bit more when it comes to yours and not binge-read so much. I'm very excited to see where the story goes after Arc 7!
Other Questions to answer based on where you are (no spoilers in the questions really):
1. Kass is intended to be a flawed character. She isn't perfect, but I feel this makes her more realistic. Do her flaws annoy you or deepen her character? Or something else entirely? What do you see as her strengths/gifts?
Kass seems very realistic to me. Her flaws don't annoy me, personally, but I can see why they would other people because she seems to be stubborn in some ways and naive in others. I think this deepens her character and makes her more relatable and/or likable; nobody really wants to root for a Mary Sue, we want to see weakness and growth. Her strengths?... I think she's a very intelligent young woman with a very big heart, and even though this leads her to have many anxieties about how she relates to other characters, I think these are ultimately her biggest strengths because they make her a likable person with much depth.
2. Do you have a favorite character so far? Do you have a least favorite character? Who do you want to know more about?
I think it was pretty obvious from my comments on your blog :P but I really love Ayesha! She's a breath of fresh air in your story and adds a lot of lighthearted moments that make me enjoy the story even more. I mentioned this, but I think she allows Kass to be fun and have fun, because Kass tends to be anxious and serious. She's a great friend, and I find myself really relating to her a lot of the time.
A least favorite character... oh gosh. If I answer honestly, I think Howard so far is my least favorite. I liked having his history in the prologue, because he seems like a good person, but he has a lot of flaws and comes off as pretty selfish a lot of the time, so I find myself disliking him in most of his scenes. I'm interested to see where his story goes, and hopefully he will be able to be a less selfish person.
I would love to know more about Kate. One thing that bothered me a little during my read through the story was the constant vilifying of her by Kass and her sisters. I mean, it's completely understandable that they feel this way but I think it was a bit much and annoyed me, especially since I don't think Kate deserves that. I mean, as far as I can remember, it wasn't her fault Kass's parents separated, and she came into Howard's life and it was him that pursued her, no? I didn't get the impression that she was purposefully a homewrecker, I dunno, maybe it went over my head? This might be an unexpected answer as she's been one of the most irrelevant of side characters in terms of screen time, but I found myself thinking a lot about her and her story.
3. Do you have a favorite scene/chapter thus far?
I love Arc 6! Kass seems like she's trying to be a grown-up a lot of the time, and I get it, she had to grow up pretty quickly after the heartbreak with her parents' divorce, but I like seeing moments when she's just a teenager and living the awkward, fun, and exciting emotions that come with the age. I especially like that Ayesha gets to shine a lot in this arc, and since I'm #teamdavis, I loved seeing the interactions between him and Kass.
4. Any future predictions based on where you are in the story?
I think Davis and Kass will have a very intense summer, but cracks in their relationship will begin to show when Kass realizes she's leaving and he's not coming with her. Clark will continue to be shady and this will eventually affect Kass's relationship with Amy since she knows more than Amy knows, that can't be good. Kass's relationship with Gage will be awkward for a while after his confession, I wonder where their friendship will end up.
5. What questions do you have for me? Any other thoughts you'd like to share?
Phew! I think I asked a couple questions in my answers, but I'm especially curious about the worldbuilding. You've probably answered that by now, but that's the main questions about the story I have at this point. Other questions; I know you have a busy life from what you've shared here about your job, how do you balance your writing, reading, and your professional and personal life? Sorry if this is personal, but I find it fascinating that you have SO much writing and intricate worldbuilding with multiple stories, and on top of that you make the time to read others' stories, even with what seems like a very full "real world" life. I really admire that!
I truly enjoyed reading this first part of KCLKF, I spent almost a whole day immersed in the story, reading, laughing, sighing, commenting, and reading even more, so thank you for creating such a wonderful universe. I'm really looking forward to reading more. Edit: Also, thank you so much for taking the time to read and respond to my comments on your blog! I really liked reading your responses.
a) What are your thoughts about Clark? Thoughts about VJ?
Clark is very mysterious and in some way I really like that. I want to know who he really is, what he’s hiding (or not hiding, haha), just everything. Can’t wait to see more of him.
I think VJ is a really sweet guy and I hope he'll become happy together with Andi. His hair is a little to punky and spikey for my taste, but I really like his personality from what I’ve seen. I also didn’t expect him to be in a religion looking like that, but I also like that twist.
b) Andi and Kass discuss faith. What are your thoughts about my take on the Jacoban/Peteran faith from Sims Medieval?
I searched some things about Sims Medieval because I never really heard of it before, but I like how you used it in your story. It actually surprised me in a good way to see religion coming forward in a story because that didn’t happen too much in other stories I’ve read.
c) Andi and Kass also discuss dating and Kass proceeds to think about her love life. Did it feel realistic?
Yeah, I didn’t have the feeling that something was off or not realistic enough while reading this part.
d) Also, this arc introduces one of the many mysteries in this story. How do you think I handled its introduction?
Is it about Clark? Because then it’s going a gooooooood way. I’m so curious! If there’s another mystery I may have missed it, hahahahaha. But that’s maybe because I’m so into ‘I want to know what’s up with Clarkkkkkkk!’
Arc 4:
What are your thoughts about Davis? Did you like his interlude?
Davis may be a good second place in my liking meter, just under Gage. At first I thought he would be a 🐸🐸🐸🐸 or someone who just wants to act cool or tough towards the girls, but I actually like him quite much. I’m looking forward to see more of him.
Hi guys, I had a really long Saturday. I hoped to reply to @Duvelina and @ajamkeevin, but it hasn't happened yet. Oh and @Skeilah. I'm pretty busy tomorrow too. Eek! I'll try to reply as soon as possible.
Clark is very mysterious and in some way I really like that. I want to know who he really is, what he’s hiding (or not hiding, haha), just everything. Can’t wait to see more of him.
I think VJ is a really sweet guy and I hope he'll become happy together with Andi. His hair is a little to punky and spikey for my taste, but I really like his personality from what I’ve seen. I also didn’t expect him to be in a religion looking like that, but I also like that twist.
VJ is a premade who happened to start dating Andi. I didn't make the hair. I wanted to break stereotypes... saying there are all kinds of people of faith out there.
I searched some things about Sims Medieval because I never really heard of it before, but I like how you used it in your story. It actually surprised me in a good way to see religion coming forward in a story because that didn’t happen too much in other stories I’ve read.
Some of my favorite scifi shows and stories have elements of religion in them and I think it makes the story well rounded.
Davis may be a good second place in my liking meter, just under Gage. At first I thought he would be a 🌺🌺🌺🌺 or someone who just wants to act cool or tough towards the girls, but I actually like him quite much. I’m looking forward to see more of him.
It's interesting to see who's Team Davis and who's Team Gage. Did you mean Gage being cool and tough? Or Davis here?
Thank you so much for your questions/responses. I'll try to answer them as best as possible.
I love your description of Kass in your latest post. I think it's very fitting. I am glad you're enjoying the mystery/story in general. I hope over time to write more about Kass maturing. I'm also happy to see love for Davis! You'll learn more about Brittany too. And I have more chapters like Davis' interlude coming. Interesting predictions. I won't say any more for now.
I didn't expect it to happen anymore, actually. I thought they would forever tiptoe around it, or at least until much later in the story. I'm glad Gage got to speak his truth. I think it's healthy and I admire his bravery for doing so. I think I'd be much too scared in his place to possibly ruin such a close friendship. I don't think Kass could have responded differently with the place she is in right now, but I would have been more upfront about it. Saying you need to think about it is never a good sign, in my opinion. And I would have picked up on that already, if I were Gage. I'd be way less patient about it too. You either want to be with me or you don't and Kass is clearly too afraid to tell Gage she doesn't want to be with him. I hope Kass gets to a place where she can tell him before it's too late and Gage takes matters into his own hands or he figures out the connection between her and Davis.
I liked the confession more after I read Gage's interlude because I felt there was more dialogue in it. Some parts were not in Kass' chapter, I believe. It brought much more clarity to the situation and I thought it was a sweet confession, overall. Although I do think Gage should have dialed back the enthusiasm and wait out Kass' reaction a little more.
As I say below, Gage confessing his attraction was autonomous in game. I thought 'Whoa!' Moving up my timetable there, buddy. I rolled with it because I feel like it's true to who he is. I know there are a lot of stories that would drag it out in a will-they-won't-they scenario, but I didn't really want to do that, and the game didn't either.
Gage is naive and has blinders when it comes to Kass which is why he didn't pick up on her hesitance. I tried not to rewrite the whole chapter and use the exact same dialogue just to make it more interesting.
Slowly, but surely. It's very much a slice of life and I enjoy that about it. I don't see much progression in Kass' relationships so far, except for with Davis but I think it'd be weird if we did because only three weeks have passed by now. It can go a lot faster with someone you've just started dating. I like how things are going with Davis and I'm excited to see them on more dates and Kass becoming more comfortable around him. I'm a little afraid of his baseball obsession coming around again and annoying Kass so I hope that's reserved for a time when they're closer and it's less of a turnoff. I'm waiting for that romantic first kiss (it better be)!
I'm on the fence about how quickly to go with the romance. Mostly because I don't think the Sims whole meet-kiss-date-get engaged-get married-have-five-babies-all-in-one-day is realistic. I made a judgment call and decided to go with realism and let their relationships develop naturally. Gage pushed too early and Davis takes a little long, but that's what happened in game too.
I'm guessing you don't just mean Kass' grandparents but also the mafia references and the encounters with Nick and Vita Alto? I like it. I like that so many different aspects play a role in your story. It gives you a lot to work with. I don't have very many thoughts otherwise. I think Kass' grandpa's opinions are pretty extreme but I think you made him interesting by giving him this sweet, caring personality in his personal life.
There's a good bit of things going on in the story. Maybe too much, especially by the middle I think, but it does help me create a world that feels big and immerse my readers.
Gah! So many unanswered questions. I love it though. I need all the Madison tea to spill already. And the Bella Goth mystery! Probably my favourite one right now. I love that Kass is looking for her favourite actress.
Haha. I did leave a lot of plot threads dangling. Most of them get answered before or by the end. Madison is a long-term mystery. Bella's is even longer. It's one of my favorites too and I just didn't feel like I had enough time to adequately devote to Bella's side mystery while others developed and took over Kass' focus.
Even after your rewrite of the story, is there still something you would change about it?
Hmm... probably the way I structure chapters. I'd also have way less mysteries/plot threads dangling. I bit off more than I can chew. I had the entire story outlined, and pictures saved and obviously content from the original story so I thought I could handle it, but as I wrote, I delved into character development and plots naturally developed on their own. Maybe it's too much, but I'm not changing it now.
What do you do if you don't feel happy with your own writing?
I'm constantly improving, coming up with better names/ideas so I change things as I go sometimes. Certain things I view as canon as they existed in the first story so I leave it in, even if I feel it could be better.
You've been playing these characters before we ever got to know them, were you always planning on writing a story?
Yes, I planned to, but I wasn't sure I'd release it. Then I realized it didn't really matter if I didn't have a lot of readers. It mattered that I tried and got it out there. That's when I found the SimLit community.
Who is your favourite character to write about? And who is the hardest one to write from?
Kass and... Kass. She's my favorite because she was the first Sim I wrote a story about, who developed naturally and took on a life of her own. But because she has such strong ties to my personal background/childhood, it's hard to write her sometimes. I grimace a bit thinking of how immature, naive, judgmental, and stubborn I was and it's hard writing through those parts of myself.
Okay, other favorite characters. Ayesha. She's always a hoot when she's on screen. Andi is sweet, and I really do love Carina as well.
Did you get huge surprises the game sprung on you throughout the story? Did they derail the story? How did you (vaguely) deal with those?
Oh yes! Haha.
Howard returning after all his time away.
Amy and Clark dating.
Andi and VJ dating.
Gage's interest in Kass.
Davis... was unplanned, but quickly grew to be another favorite of mine.
Much later in the story, there's lots of other things that happen that were unplanned and totally surprised and even shocked me. I feel like the game is my co-author. When the characters/Sims make decisions, I may not like it, but I roll with it because I feel it's authentic to who they are.
The Sims 3 seems like a game that has a lot of unplanned events happening! I miss that way of playing a little since TS4 has way less of that than the other iterations. I don't expect TS4 to become that, I play it differently than I would the others but that kind of autonomy is amazing.
In my personal opinion I think autonomy is pretty okay in TS4. Basically because my imagination gets wild when I see something I didnt expect. I dont need that much to have a reaction thats like “Heyyy, but that would make even a better story than what I had in mind. Thanks for doing that, game!”
@Skeilah Autonomy isn't horrible, no. I just meant I miss the drama that other games would create, like @AdamsEve1231 answered to my question. Amy and Clark started dating on their own, Andi and VJ as well, Howard returning. A little bit more of a push to get in my story's way would be great, but I'm not complaining by any means. Although I do play TS4 more like a dollhouse than anything else which is also fun.
1) Several of you mentioned being a little confused with the worldbuilding. I have thought about including things like history and timeline on a page on the blog, and then perhaps a page with cultural references, and then probably a list of the aliens/supernaturals. I've been working on a map of the world and it's massive and complicated, but I could come up with a general list of major countries/places. Would that be useful? What kinds of worldbuilding pieces would you like to see?
2) A few of you mentioned liking/disliking Author Notes. I wondered if it would make sense to reference where to find the worldbuilding pieces elsewhere on the blog, and leave some of my commentary out (i.e. why a character reacts a certain way). I honestly hadn't thought I did that too much, but it might be nice to leave more to the imagination of the readers. I know sometimes it's because I'm referencing my own history/connections to KCLKF. Any feedback?
3) I think I have gathered from everyone that the "Arcs" are confusing. Honestly, they're meant to help break up the chapters into manageable reading bites. I am thinking with the second story (the one following this one in the series), I'll make some definite changes based on your comments. My initial plan was Chapters labeled 1 point something are in Story 1. Chapters in the next story would be labeled 2 point something, and so on, but I can see how, without that context, this current numbering doesn't quite make sense.
Would "Parts" make more sense with corresponding numbers like a Prologue would be 1.0, Chapter 1 in Part 1 would be 1.1, and Chapter 1 in Part 2 would be 2.1, and so on? Or would it be better to leave the numbers as is and not include "Parts" or "Arcs?"
4) I know the timing/pacing thing has come up. I plan to jump ahead with story 2. I'm currently debating about how far ahead. My original plan was as follows: each story is meant to take place within a season so obviously KCLKF is in the summer. I thought about story 2 taking place in the immediate fall, but I'm wondering about jumping ahead to the following summer/fall so we get a bit of a time jump, story progression, and maturity. Would you like a larger time jump with story filled in as backstory within that story? Or would you prefer to see/witness everything as it happens?
1. I wasn't one of the people confused with the worldbuilding. So for me, all of that isn't necessary but I do think other people would like it so that is enough incentive to do it, I think. I'd probably look at some of it once and then get back to the story.
2. I like your author's notes and you telling me why some characters react the way they do and putting your own thoughts in it. I'm a fan of it. I don't think you should leave it out. A reader can decide for themselves whether they want to read the author's notes or not. It does help already if you include the worldbuilding somewhere else, so the reader knows the author's notes are just your personal thoughts.
3. I do think the breaks in the story are nice. Parts would make more sense to me with the corresponding numbers. I don't think the system you have right now is confusing, I only thought 'arcs' maybe wasn't the right word for what was happening. I use the index to get around anyway and remember where I was, so I don't notice it most of the time anyway. It gives me a nice indication of where to stop reading for the day.
4. I know I was the one who said something about the pacing, but it honestly depends on where you are the end of the story and how much has happened. If I feel like a lot has happened, I think it's fine if you continue in that fashion and go on with fall but if you feel like you'd have more to show us with a time jump, then that's also fine. The pacing was a case of me getting used to it. It doesn't bother me.
1) Several of you mentioned being a little confused with the worldbuilding. I have thought about including things like history and timeline on a page on the blog, and then perhaps a page with cultural references, and then probably a list of the aliens/supernaturals. I've been working on a map of the world and it's massive and complicated, but I could come up with a general list of major countries/places. Would that be useful? What kinds of worldbuilding pieces would you like to see?
Oehhh, a page especially for those things. I like! I would absolutely have that page open in another tab and sometimes go search things in it.
2) A few of you mentioned liking/disliking Author Notes. I wondered if it would make sense to reference where to find the worldbuilding pieces elsewhere on the blog, and leave some of my commentary out (i.e. why a character reacts a certain way). I honestly hadn't thought I did that too much, but it might be nice to leave more to the imagination of the readers. I know sometimes it's because I'm referencing my own history/connections to KCLKF. Any feedback?
I personally liked the author notes a lot and they helped me a lot to help me understand the story more in the very beginning. I'd find it rather sad if you leave out comments where you leave certain commentary out like why a character reacts a certain way because my imagination can go REALLY wild and I like things that are not open for my imagination :P I also love to react on those things in the comment section with my own stories ^^
3) I think I have gathered from everyone that the "Arcs" are confusing. Honestly, they're meant to help break up the chapters into manageable reading bites. I am thinking with the second story (the one following this one in the series), I'll make some definite changes based on your comments. My initial plan was Chapters labeled 1 point something are in Story 1. Chapters in the next story would be labeled 2 point something, and so on, but I can see how, without that context, this current numbering doesn't quite make sense.
Meh, they weren't confusing for me (okay, at first when I didn't know the word Arc it was a little confusing, but when I started clicking and found out it was just an easy helping tool to to through your story, it was helpful). They helped me a lot and made everything more easy to read.
Would "Parts" make more sense with corresponding numbers like a Prologue would be 1.0, Chapter 1 in Part 1 would be 1.1, and Chapter 1 in Part 2 would be 2.1, and so on? Or would it be better to leave the numbers as is and not include "Parts" or "Arcs?"
I would call the arcs 'chapters', but I would call arc 1 'prologue: family history' and arc 2 is 'chapter 1: pranks and plans' and than under the chapters are part 1 to 4. But that's how I would do it :P Don't listen to me if you think it's nonsense.
4) I know the timing/pacing thing has come up. I plan to jump ahead with story 2. I'm currently debating about how far ahead. My original plan was as follows: each story is meant to take place within a season so obviously KCLKF is in the summer. I thought about story 2 taking place in the immediate fall, but I'm wondering about jumping ahead to the following summer/fall so we get a bit of a time jump, story progression, and maturity. Would you like a larger time jump with story filled in as backstory within that story? Or would you prefer to see/witness everything as it happens?
If you make it clear in your story, I really don't mind how far you jump :P You can always refer back in the story to little things that happened in that jump. Really, just choose what you feel best with.
@AdamsEve1231 for Arcs 5 to 7 I'll just answer your questions in your comment section if that's okay. I still want to give you my answers but I also know that today is the turn of @mercuryfoam or @ajamkeevin and I don't want to steal their weekly fame by answering other story questions :P I don't know if that makes sense. I'll make sure that by the time you're next, I'm in arc 7! For some reason, my life without school is even busier than my life with school.... xD
Two stories stand before me, but I only have one of them in my hands... and that story represents the story that will still be in the running to be America's Next Top Model discussed this week in the Freezer Bunny Club.
It has been a tough choice for the randomizer, but the story has been picked. And that story is...
@ajamkeevin Ooh! I wasn’t expecting that. Thank you! amg Tyra Banks I was just referencing ANTM a few days ago!
Hey everyone. I’m really excited to hear your thoughts of B2W. I’ll draft up some questions and have them ready by tonight or tomorrow. In the meantime, feel free to read the story by arcs because I’ve always visualised B2W as a movie/thriller, hence there are lots of cliffhangers. Strategic-reading wise, my questions will be based on each arc too.
Good stops without being left hanging are:
Arc 1: Chapter 1 - 3
Arc 2: Chapter 4 - 5
@_sims_Yimi Do you want to answer the endgame questions or specific arc questions with everyone? If former, I’ll draft one and have it ready in 3 days-ish times. If latter, I’ll put endgame questions on hold. There’s also the ambitious option to do both
General impression of Ch 1 - 5. (or wherever you’re at.)
1. Overall, what do you think of the story?
2. Where do you think the story is headed at this point? Any predictions?
3. What or who are you hoping gets elaborated upon the most in the next chapters?
4. I’ve always visualised B2W to be a thriller. Do the ‘thriller’ scenes work for you? If no, why?
5. Your feedback will help tremendously as I organise Season 2 of B2W. Which parts do you like? What areas should I focus/improve on? What other advice do you have?
6. Do you have any questions for me?
Writing style
1. How would you describe the writing style(s)? Does it work for the story?
2. What do you think of the story’s pacing? Any ‘lags’ or parts that were too fast?
3. What do you think about the amount of narrative/description?
4. I rely on pictures to speak for themselves sometimes. Have you come across any parts like that? Does this style work for you?
5.What do you think of story flow? Any specific scenes to improve upon? (Confusing dialogue, scenes not elaborated)
6.Have you noticed any obvious grammatical errors/ writing patterns that needs to be addressed? (English is my second language, this will help tremendously )
Chapter 1 - 3: Opening
- Did the Prologue and introduction to Athena interest you to read further? If it did, why? If it didn’t, why?
- What do you think of Athena and Curtis’s first interaction after the brawl, then the park scene? How would you describe their relationship at this point?
- What are your thoughts/impressions on Aelrendths?
Characters:
- What do you think of Athena? What about her was relatable? What wasn’t? Is her character believable?
- What do you think about Curtis? Did his choices and actions make sense to you? What are your predictions of him?
- What do you think about Grim and Kian?
Chapter 4 - 5: All mains introduced!
- How did you feel/respond when Athena and Grim found the boys at the night of the Spice Festival? What are your thoughts on that scene?
Characters:
- What do you think of Avery at this point?
- What do you think about Jules and his relationship with Kian?
- What do you think about Masato and Kirino?
- What are your current impressions of Athena at the end of Chapter 5? Has anything changed of her since the beginning? What do you think about her thoughts, decisions and desires at this point? Do they make sense to you?
No questions for the rest until next time. ( Just enjoy the story here on. I’ll read comments!)
*Disclaimer does not apply to @_sims_Yimi *
General and writing style go first. Will follow up with the rest at a dater date.
Also, MASSIVE SPOILERS to everyone who hasn't read all of it yet. I can't help but reference some things in later chapters, so just. Skip my comments. All of my comments this week. Everyone but people who reached the end and @mercuryfoam , don't read any of it, okay? xD
General impression of Ch 1 - 5. (or wherever you’re at.) 1. Overall, what do you think of the story?
I like it. It’s one of the darker stories in the freezer bunny circle, but I really like the storyline and characters you have portrayed.
I like how you started with not Athena, but her parents and grandparents. It’s a nice added bit of background that provides extra understanding of how Athena and Avery are treated. You also put in a bit of a mystery about what happened to Athena’s father, and how child-Athena stops writing just as she’s about to talk about magic. In her diary introduction, her writing is very childish (which is appropriate for her age). But you end with her having matured into a teenager, and her writing reflects that as well. I thought that was very well done.
I enjoyed Curtis’s introduction as well. Athena taking on all of those thugs and (almost) winning as a scrawny girl is very unrealistic, but if you add magic to the mix, that becomes a whole different ball game. I liked the pictures taken there, too. The alleyway was very atmospheric, and their poses worked perfectly!
The chapters with Grim in them are probably my favourite. Not just because he’s an amazing character and I love every word that comes out of his mouth, but also because Grim frequently delivers background exposition and lore about your world. I personally enjoy learning about lore naturally as a story progresses, and you’ve done that here very well. There is a moment where Grim talks to her about the cycle of life and death (pretty sure it’s not in chapters 1-5 though). His explanation paired with the pictures made me go “whoah, Cool” out loud. I adore little snippets of background like that.
The point where Athena saves Curtis from being reaped by Grim and the fighting scene that followed was amazing, too. I believe I commented this on your post itself already, but you’re good at writing fighting scenes and building tension. It also served as the introduction to Curtis’s background, Kirino and Masato (you know how I feel about him, the plum).
The light-heartedness of Athena spending time with her mother and Ares writing an essay about his sister was well balanced with the darker chapters surrounding Curtis, Kirino and Masato. Another highlight for me was Athena changing her appearance after she decided to take control of her life again. I always thought that her clothes and hairstyle were ill-suited and careless, like she didn’t care what she put on because she didn’t care about anything. You made her change of appearance symbolize her change of heart, without outright stating that that’s what it was. I really like that, too. Good use of symbolism, to me, is the sign of a very good writer.
2. Where do you think the story is headed at this point? Any predictions?
Well, I’m finished with it, sooooo, season two? =D Okay, for real now. I can’t answer this one for just chapter’s 1-5, so I’m answering it for the finale. Athena and Curtis need to reach a decision on where to go with their relationship, what they want out of life, and mostly, what they want with themselves. They have a lot of work to do on themselves, and a relationship might actually get in the way at this point. Both of them have baggage that is dragging the other down.
I’m also hoping for more magic adventures. I really liked the bits of lore you sprinkled in here and there, and there were some pretty big plotlines basically left hanging loose at the end of the season. I’m hoping those will get more of a front seat in the next season!
3. What or who are you hoping gets elaborated upon the most in the next chapters?
I can’t answer this one for just the first few chapters either, because I’ve already read it all =D
Morgyn, Grim, Athena’s family and the Aelrendeths. I would actually love to see a flashback of sorts to how Avery got out, how her family has been treated up until she left, more of the lore behind the magic realm and spellcasting, etc. We saw the hooded figures at the end of the finale, so that’s a pretty good indicator that at least SOMETHING magicky is going to go down!
I’d also love to see a chapter about Avery actually talking to her children about the deal she made, about what she did to protect her son, and how she is dying. I know Ares already knows at this point in the story, but I’d love a little side chapter where we see his reaction to it, as well as Avery’s way of telling him. We don’t see a whole lot of her, even though she’s a very important character, so I’d love to see her on the foreground more! =D
4. I’ve always visualised B2W to be a thriller. Do the ‘thriller’ scenes work for you? If no, why?
Some chapters, definitely! Others, not so much. But even a thriller movie has light-hearted moments in it, so that is definitely not a bad thing.
5. Your feedback will help tremendously as I organise Season 2 of B2W. Which parts do you like? What areas should I focus/improve on? What other advice do you have?
I’ve already touched upon this in my earlier comments, but in no particular order:
• Lore. I loved the bits surrounding Grim, life and death, Aelrendeths, magic in general, Masato’s “gang”, etc.
• Character development. Athena’s transformation from hollow shell of a person who cared not for her appearance, to a vibrant young woman who looked forward to school and learning spellcasting was very well done.
• Symbolism. There is already a good amount of it in your story, but I am a total sucker for good symbolism, so HIT ME. XD
6. Do you have any questions for me?
You’ve been playing the Renteria family for a while before arriving at Athena’s story, right? What made you want to focus on her specifically? Where did the story of magic and Aeldrendeths and her connecting to Grim come from – did it pop into your head as you wrote, or did you have an idea from the start already?
Writing style 1. How would you describe the writing style(s)? Does it work for the story?
Your writing flows well. There’s very few moments where your chapters don’t read away easily, if any. Ironically, the only chapter where I had to force myself through was the one with barely any text, and that was because of the thing that happened in the pictures.
2. What do you think of the story’s pacing? Any ‘lags’ or parts that were too fast?
Not that I can think of.
3. What do you think about the amount of narrative/description?
So far, it’s just right. It never gets too long for me to enjoy, or too short that it feels like something is missing. Your early chapters were a little short for my tastes, but that’s very much a personal preference, so take that one with a gain of salt! I thought they were short because I wanted to keep reading, haha.
4. I rely on pictures to speak for themselves sometimes. Have you come across any parts like that? Does this style work for you?
Yup, and yup! The parts where it’s almost all pictures are often some of the best parts of the story. I’m thinking of the lighthouse scene, but also the strip with Curtis, that night with Athena, and some of the pictures in the very last chapters (Grim and Kirino’s family come to mind). Those had the most impact on the story in my opnion - more than text could have done.
5.What do you think of story flow? Any specific scenes to improve upon? (Confusing dialogue, scenes not elaborated)
There’s a few moments that I would have liked to have seen more of. Avery’s situation comes to mind, as well as Athena’s brother Ares. I remember really liking the chapter where he wrote an essay about Athena. We never really see him beyond that point. It’s fine since he doesn’t really have a role in the story, but it did make me think that they have no relationship to speak of… which is sad, because he’s her brother. We don’t know if he can do magic, either. Avery taught Athena, but did she teach Ares? Did he want to learn? Is he interested at all? Does he know about Curtis? We know he looked up to Athena as a kid, so I can't imagine him not worrying about his sister's well-being.
6.Have you noticed any obvious grammatical errors/ writing patterns that needs to be addressed? (English is my second language, this will help tremendously )
Oof, this one I cannot answer, I think. It’s been too long since I read all the chapters. But I usually point it out when I see it, so you’re most likely in the clear!
Hosting D&D sessions on the side. Interested in playing through some fantasy-themed shenanigans? Send me a message 😘
I know it's not my week, but... I wanted to let every know I worked really hard over the weekend to pull together maps for my Simworld and I've been working for weeks on character bios and profile. When you read my story, if it's useful, feel free to check it out. Maps are under the Simworld tab (I made some minor name changes, so I'll have to go back and edit the mentions in story) and Characters are organized by story and neighborhood with spoiler tags if you're not quite there yet. Enjoy!
Btw, @ajamkeevin I'm still planning on answering your questions via spoiler. Sorry I'm so late.
I'll do the chapter questions first, then I'll circle back to general impressions and writing style.
Chapter 1 - 3: Opening
Did the Prologue and introduction to Athena interest you to read further? If it did, why? If it didn’t, why?
I loved hearing that this was generation 5 (?) in a save you've been playing for a longer amount of time. It makes you feel like there's all this backstory and life to these characters you haven't seen. It's great. I especially loved reading the prologue. Athena has an interesting background. Your picture taking is also something that caught my interest immediately. You have a knack for taking realistic and telling pictures. The prologue made me curious about Athena now, so yes, it did make me want to read further.
What do you think of Athena and Curtis’s first interaction after the brawl, then the park scene? How would you describe their relationship at this point?
Curtis is a character I immediately liked from his first smoking entrance. I like that you made him a smoker and kept following up on that, especially with the park scene where he put his lighter away so as not to bother Athena with it. I think I'd describe them as acquaintances right now, but they have a healthy interest in each other. It's clear Curtis cares about what happens to her and Curtis keeps popping up into Athena's mind too. It's interesting to me how she still thought about him after recovering from her injuries for months. He certainly left an impression. I', certainly excited to see in what circumstances they'll encounter each other next time, because it's bound to be eventful.
- What are your thoughts/impressions on Aelrendths?
No real thoughts. Not enough has been revealed to say something about it. It seems to be a different term for spellcasters? I'm hoping Avery can shine a light on the term and the meaning of it, but for now it was just something Grim mentioned before he flew to reap some souls.
Characters:
- What do you think of Athena? What about her was relatable? What wasn’t? Is her character believable?
- What do you think about Curtis? Did his choices and actions make sense to you? What are your predictions of him?
- What do you think about Grim and Kian?
I like Athena, but I'm having a hard time pinpointing why exactly. I think it's the fact that she's physically strong. I don't know if it's magically infused or something, but she can beat up a whole group of people by herself and I think that's pretty 🐸🐸🐸🐸 and cool. She knows how to stand up for herself. I also like that she's inquisitive and willing to explore the world around her. She started out very depressed, but I have a feeling Curtis already made a shift in Athena. I don't think anything about her is relatable for me personally, but I think what makes her believable is that she was bullied and it made her feel so sad and alone. She didn't connect with anyone anymore. I think you portrayed the effects of bullying realistically. I can't relate to Athena's physical strength. I wish I could, but I'm a chicken and I'd never try to beat someone up. 😂 Not a bad thing though, just answering the question.
Curtis is my favourite character so far. He's very calm and collected, seems to be thinking rationally most of the time. He'd make a good balance for Athena who's not calm or collected. His words so far don't make a whole lot of sense to me, but that's obvious because we don't know much about him yet. I'm not entirely sure why he did decide to jump into Athena's battle, but I guess he did think he could handle fighting the gang so he made a calculation (or it was recklessness). I feel bad about it, but I would have called the cops and let that be it. I know I can't handle a gang and I wouldn't try because I don't want to die. 😅
I did read some of the comments on the chapters and other people predicted he was going to turn out to be a drug dealer and you replied that they were going in the right direction with that prediction. Curtis doesn't feel like a drug dealer to me, but I have no clue who/what he is then. I don't think he's a spellcaster like Athena, but he does seem to have some heightened senses like being able to tell how the man died. This seemed to be confirmed by Kian later on. Or he's just a drug dealer. What do I know?
Grim was a pleasant surprise. I've never read about Grim being portrayed so humanly before. It's cool. And gosh, he sounded smart! I hope he keeps popping back up and gets some sort of relationship with Athena. I'd love that, honestly. Friends with Grim.
We haven't seen as much of Kian as of Curtis but I think you've put his personality down quite well. He seems more upbeat and outgoing than Curtis. He also seems to be protective of him. They feel like they're good friends to me. I also like that Kian is working in a bar as a minor. I wonder why that's the job he chose for himself. Did he need money that badly? I've never heard of a minor serving drinks as a bartender before anyway. It adds another layer to him.
Comments
Yay thanks for this! I’m going to try finish arc 4 today and I hopeeeee to get to arc 7 by the end but it’s gonna be a rough call
1. Most of the time her flaws annoy me. I try to be understanding of them but sometimes she reacts so boldly without rationalizing anything I'm having a hard time keeping up. I do feel like her flaws deepen her character though. Just because she annoys me doesn't mean you haven't made her realistic or haven't written her well. She just might not be my favourite person and that happens. I do like the story, the mysteries and some of the other characters enough to stick around. I'm also open to Kass surprising me when she matures and develops more. Some of her strengths are that she's fiercely protective of people she cares about and she's loyal to them, she sticks to her guns and doesn't let anyone talk her out of her own opinion although not in a way that hinders her. She seems willing to re-evaluate her opinions when she thinks she might be wrong.
2. My favourite character so far has to be Davis. I wasn't fully sold yet, but after reading his interlude in arc 19... It's safe to say I like him the most. My least favourite character is either Howard or Amy. I don't have a real explanation except for that they need to do better for their kids. I'd like to know more about Brittany. I won't say anything else because no one is as far in as I am and I don't want to spoil it.
3. My favourite chapter right now is Davis' interlude. My absolute favourite writing of yours. It felt atmospheric and dark, but not too dark. Very intriguing.
4. Davis and Kass might not work out. I won't say too much. I think they're super cute and work well together, but I think some stuff might come up where things could go wrong for them.
Amy will become a better mother (at least I'm hoping for that) and starts to heal.
Howard and Kass will go on that roadtrip together. I feel like Kass might not want to miss out on a chance to reacquaint herself with her dad.
5. Even after your rewrite of the story, is there still something you would change about it?
What do you do if you don't feel happy with your own writing?
How did you create the characters (the actual sims) in KCLKF, were they born in-game or did you create them through CAS?
You've been playing these characters before we ever got to know them, were you always planning on writing a story?
Who is your favourite character to write about? And who is the hardest one to write from?
Did you get huge surprises the game sprung on you throughout the story? Did they derail the story? How did you (vaguely) deal with those?
Too Good at Goodbyes forum thread
Too Good at Goodbyes blog
General Questions:
1. All my Sims stories take place in the future (with an alternative history on Earth) on another planet (Simterra). What do you think of the worldbuilding? Does everything make sense? What additional questions do you have about the world building?
Wow, just... wow. Your worldbuilding is magnificent. So many details everywhere! It must have taken you a lot to build a world like this that seems familiar and yet is so richly different from what we know, and I really applaud you for it. I'm not always looking for worldbuilding when I read Sim stories, but I really love stories that incorporate this because I'm a quite voracious reader and love knowing even the most irrelevant minutiae about universes. Your story scratches this itch, and then some! Everything is presented in a way that plunges us into your world, but you also have very useful explanations about everything from the time frame, to the history, to the calendar, to the geography, and to the lifestyle, and even more! What made you interested in creating such an expansive and intricate world with such a rich history?
About your more recent question, I think pages on your blog with detailed descriptions of the worldbuilding elements like timeline, countries, languages, cultures, and things like that would be useful! Almost like a wiki that people like me that are really avid about reading deep details like this can peruse outside of the main story. We mentioned this in the comments of your blog, but I have my own wiki and I use it as a way to have characters and other things laid out in a very structured way and also for deepening characters, etc. outside of the constraints of the story, and I think you have more than enough information about your world to put in a format like this, and that could be an interesting project for you.
2. I put little Author's Notes at the bottom of every chapter. Are they useful? Do you like them? Do they help clarify things from the chapter?
Yes, they're very useful and interesting! I love learning even more details about your world, I'm fascinated by the degree of worldbuilding that you have in the story, so I look forward to your notes after each chapter. They're useful, as well, because you explain things in a way that's clear and concise and that would have been awkward to insert into the chapters themselves. Often, I have questions about the chapters only to find that you help clarify them in the notes, and I like this. I could see that not everyone might like the notes because I suppose they could break the immersion in the story when there's a break in the narration like that between chapters, but I tend to enjoy them very much.
3. The chapters are broken into arcs. Is this helpful? Do you find the breaks natural? (sometimes I use cliffhangers)
I think yes. Having arcs like this helps divide the story into bite-size pieces and I think that's effective. If it was all just chapters with no divisions to help with the reading it would be a little daunting, especially since your story is long. I liked having the arcs, they helped me with setting up breaks in the reading to let things sink in. The breaks are natural to me, they come at good moments and they frequently motivate me to keep reading because the intrigue you leave the readers with at the end of the chapter is just to good to stop. I'm not confused about the arcs or the chapters included in each because I think it flows well.
4. What is your initial impression of Kass, my main character/the protagonist?
Kass is great character. Even from the beginning, you've captured the essence of life at that point with all of the emotions that come with the age. She has a very rich and detailed history, and knowing all of these details about her life helps me to identify with her on some things and sympathize with her in others. You've created a very relatable character with a lot of depth and I really found myself rooting for her from the very beginning.
5. The first part of the story is most definitely slice-of-life with some elements of supernatural/fantasy and mystery thrown in. Do you like it? How is it similar or different to other slice-of-life stories you've read?
I like it a lot. I think that you have a wonderful style of writing that immerses the reader into the life of Kass and the other characters, and the slice-of-life approach is very effective. I'm so immersed in the world you've built that when things like the fantasty and supernatural elements come into play I find myself believing them even though I know they're fictional. I like this because even though the slice-of-life approach is very popular, yours is very detailed and immersive and I truly feel like I'm witnessing the life of a character that I've grown to know well and like.
6. Any thoughts on my writing style? The length of chapters? The pacing?
I love your writing style. The chapters are rich with detail, and I love learning more about not only the characters but the whole world they live in when I read each part. You have a way of writing emotions and interactions that feels very realistic and my immersion as a reader is very satisfying. I think the chapters are a good length, easy to read if I want just a few at a time, but also if I want to binge (like I did over the last couple of days). The pacing also works well, not too much happening in each chapter, but just enough. Things don't seem to go too fast, but I don't feel like any part of the story drags along too much either, even when certain chapters have several parts. I see from your more recent questions that the pacing has been brought up, but honestly it hasn't bothered me.
Arc Specific Questions:
Arc 1:
I think this is very well done. From what I read in your notes, this wasn't quite as developed in the first iteration of KCLKF, and I wonder what that looked like. As it is, I think the prologue is a very detailed and wonderful way of getting to know Kass's family and her backstory. I entered the main story with lots of knowledge about her and I think that helped me instantly feel comfortable with the events. I'm really looking forward to seeing how these details come into play at later points in her life, because I'm sure they will and I'm happy I knew about them beforehand. I don't particularly have any further questions about her past at this point because you did such a flawless job of presenting these details.
Arc 2:
It certainly feels realistic to me! Given that they're at different ages (but not too different), it's normal to see these sort of playful, sometimes annoying, interactions. I enjoyed Kass's interactions with her mom, as well. I think the little details you placed here and there of how they interact (Kass giving her mom a little sass, Amy almost babying her in the way she speaks to her, the descriptions of Amy's smell and the temperature of her feet, little things like this) makes them feel natural and realistic. I can almost feel my own mom coming through in Amy's character...
About Ayesha and Gage, well. I like Ayesha a lot, she seems like a grounded, motivated young woman who wants to move away from the strict limitations of her family and their religion. I especially like how she's a great friend to Kass. I'm looking forward to seeing more of her! Gage, well, I had a less-than-stellar first impression of him with how he spoke to Kass in Future Plans, Part 2, but his interlude really helped to make him more sympathetic, and I enjoyed the glimpse into his family life that we got. I can't say I like him quite yet, but I'm certainly interested by him.
Arc 3:
VJ seems like a great guy! I felt almost predisposed to dislike him because of the way we first meet him, but honestly he seems like he genuinely cares for and respects Andi and wants the best for her, so I like him. Clark... well, he seems really sketchy. What is it with him and the fake accent? Not to mention the sketchy meeting at the park. He seems nice enough when he's interacting with Kass and her family, but knowing that it's likely a front makes him really unlikable. Similarly to Gage (back when I first read about him! My thoughts have changed by now), I can't say I like him, but he's certainly interesting.
b) Andi and Kass discuss faith. What are your thoughts about my take on the Jacoban/Peteran faith from Sims Medieval?
I actually haven't played The Sims Medieval before, so I can't quite answer this question as fully as I would like, but I did do a bit of reading on the Sims wiki and I think you've taken the basics and introduced religion into your world very well. I'm not particularly religious, but I appreciated that the character that brings it up in the story seems to be very faithful and excited by it. It's a refreshing perspective considering that so much modern fiction tends to look at religion as a bad thing.
c) Andi and Kass also discuss dating and Kass proceeds to think about her love life. Did it feel realistic?
Yes, I think it's pretty realistic! I've spent many nights reminiscing about my little crushes from my childhood and pre-teenage years. The way she thought about them and remembered their little moments together was cute.
d) Also, this arc introduces one of the many mysteries in this story. How do you think I handled its introduction?
The mystery you introduced with Clark is interesting! I think the way that you first presented it, with us witnessing what Kass heard and saw, was the perfect way to do it because it didn't seem forced or hamfisted. Kass was out looking for her sister and just happened to run into a man who was already coming to her home, it's believable. Also, the mystery isn't some sort of enormous conspiracy, it's something more mundane (not that this is a bad thing, and also this isn't to mean that the things that Kass suspects are mundane, haha) and that seems pretty realistic to me!
Arc 4:
I like him. He seems authentic and good. He's also interesting; I, like Kass, am intrigued about his studying biology. His flirting with Kass wasn't over the top at all, it was more subtle and suave than overbearing. Kass obviously feels that he's into her, but it's not creepy or too much, it's just right. Seeing her swoon over him was fun! And the interlude, well. That put me firmly on Davis's team, consider me a Davis fan! I liked seeing what he thought about Kass and seeing glimpses of his own vulnerability when he doubted if Kass was even into him. He's a delight, and I'm really looking forward to seeing where his story with Kass goes!
Also P.S. I really loved the hints he threw about Kass's conversation with Howard not going very well, I like seeing little details of the story unfold like this without Kass's insight specifically. I mean, it's going to be interesting to see her discuss her talk with her dad, but I liked getting a piece of information from another character's perspective.
Arc 5:
Wow! I wasn't expecting him to be dying, even though I imagined that he had some sort of big bombshell to drop on Kass given the way he approached her prior to the coffee date. I think it's selfish of him to want to reconnect after all this time just because HE wants to feel some sort of fulfillment by reaching out to his daughters. What about THEIR feelings? I don't know. I understand him, but he hasn't cared about their feelings for years and suddenly he wants Kass to forgive him and move on? Again, I understand his reasons and I feel bad for him that he's going through such a terrible disease, but I can't help but be angry at him. And EXCES, wow! It's a fictional disease but you did such a good job of explaining the basics of it and the treatment, I felt like it could be real. Your detailed writing really helps when you introduce things like this.
b) Amy struggles with depression. Did that show in the chapters?
Yes, it really did. I mean, it was very relevant in the prologue within the text, and I saw glimpses here and there when Kass was interacting with her. I like that you didn't make it the main talking point when mentioning Amy, and instead you built up her character slowly as time went along, adding details and interactions that pointed to her depression. You can really tell that Amy has long been self-effacing when it comes to her daughters and this (among other things, I'm sure) has led to her becoming depressed to the point where Kass feels like she has to tell her outright that she deserves to be happy. It's sad but pretty realistic.
c) Kass also exhibits signs of anxiety. Does that show in the chapters?
I think so, yes. Especially in the way that she thinks about the things happening in her life. The way she's terrified about all the changes happening around her, I think, is very telling. She obviously has a problem with this and it's manifesting in anxiety about things she can't really, and shouldn't, control.
d) What do you think about Kass' job offer?
It's interesting! I like this idea for her, I think it will be good for her to do something that's not quite related to what she's been doing so far. It will be a nice change of environment for her, will look good on her CV, and it might be a convenient way of investigating Clark. I hope she accepts the offer.
Arc 6:
a) what did you think of Kass and Ayesha's interactions?
I LOVE THEM! I really love who Ayesha is, she's fun, kind, sweet, but also gives Kass a little bit of sass and has a great sense of humor. She's the kind of friend I am, honestly, and I love seeing her interactions with Kass. I like Kass a lot, of course, but sometimes she seems like she's too serious for her age, and having some levity in the story through her friendship with Ayesha is really lovely. I'm a huge Ayesha fan! Favorite character by far.
b) What about the meetup with Davis? How do you feel about a relationship between Kass and Davis?
I think you've captured the feeling of awkwardly flirting with a teenage crush quite well. I mean, I remember exactly what that was like, and this reflected it wonderfully. Kass is a nervous mess when it comes to him, and I love seeing how he's still suave and smooth even when it's quite obvious that she's into him. I think having his interlude earlier where he also expressed nervousness was instrumental in me really rooting for them to be a thing. I really like them together! Kass deserves someone like this, who's going to excite her but also respect her and treat her well.
I do wonder, though, where this will go because Kass is... leaving for another city, no? How is this going to work out if it becomes a romantic relationship?
c) What about when the girls went to the high school to "spy?"
I wasn't expecting Kass to come up with an idea like this! I can see why she thinks it's useful to find out more things about Clark, who's definitely a shady character, but I really hope she doesn't get caught because that would be super awkward and could cause trouble between Amy and Clark. Edit: Phew, they didn't get caught. I'm glad! Though I'm not sure how useful to Kass this breaking and entering will be in the long run. And it's bad that their intrusion caused such a commotion.
Arc 7:
I'm not a huge fan of his timing. I'm happy he spoke up about it, though. I think Kass needed to hear it because she's been insecure about their friendship/relationship since she realized she likes him. I think her reaction to it was very appropriate, given the last few days. I am very here for her having a relationship with someone she has an uncomplicated connection with, Davis, and I think she should allow herself the liberty of pursuing this, because she deserves to have a bit of fun and excitement in her life without all the baggage that a romantic relationship with Gage would entail. Not to mention that he'd probably grow to resent her if he sets aside everything that he's been wanting to do AND his dream school for her, even though he does say that he already has a family that he loves (I particularly enjoyed this bit, I always thought it was a little harsh that he didn't consider call his foster parents his parents). I liked his interlude, it was interesting to see his perspective on everything that happened in that moment.
Arc 8 and beyond
I actually had to stop myself from reading after Arc 7 because I realized I put off a lot of responsibilities for the weekend, but I'm looking forward to reading more! I think now that I have an introduction to your story and I'm mostly caught up with the other stories in the circle, I'll be able to pace myself a little bit more when it comes to yours and not binge-read so much. I'm very excited to see where the story goes after Arc 7!
Other Questions to answer based on where you are (no spoilers in the questions really):
Kass seems very realistic to me. Her flaws don't annoy me, personally, but I can see why they would other people because she seems to be stubborn in some ways and naive in others. I think this deepens her character and makes her more relatable and/or likable; nobody really wants to root for a Mary Sue, we want to see weakness and growth. Her strengths?... I think she's a very intelligent young woman with a very big heart, and even though this leads her to have many anxieties about how she relates to other characters, I think these are ultimately her biggest strengths because they make her a likable person with much depth.
2. Do you have a favorite character so far? Do you have a least favorite character? Who do you want to know more about?
I think it was pretty obvious from my comments on your blog :P but I really love Ayesha! She's a breath of fresh air in your story and adds a lot of lighthearted moments that make me enjoy the story even more. I mentioned this, but I think she allows Kass to be fun and have fun, because Kass tends to be anxious and serious. She's a great friend, and I find myself really relating to her a lot of the time.
A least favorite character... oh gosh. If I answer honestly, I think Howard so far is my least favorite. I liked having his history in the prologue, because he seems like a good person, but he has a lot of flaws and comes off as pretty selfish a lot of the time, so I find myself disliking him in most of his scenes. I'm interested to see where his story goes, and hopefully he will be able to be a less selfish person.
I would love to know more about Kate. One thing that bothered me a little during my read through the story was the constant vilifying of her by Kass and her sisters. I mean, it's completely understandable that they feel this way but I think it was a bit much and annoyed me, especially since I don't think Kate deserves that. I mean, as far as I can remember, it wasn't her fault Kass's parents separated, and she came into Howard's life and it was him that pursued her, no? I didn't get the impression that she was purposefully a homewrecker, I dunno, maybe it went over my head? This might be an unexpected answer as she's been one of the most irrelevant of side characters in terms of screen time, but I found myself thinking a lot about her and her story.
3. Do you have a favorite scene/chapter thus far?
I love Arc 6! Kass seems like she's trying to be a grown-up a lot of the time, and I get it, she had to grow up pretty quickly after the heartbreak with her parents' divorce, but I like seeing moments when she's just a teenager and living the awkward, fun, and exciting emotions that come with the age. I especially like that Ayesha gets to shine a lot in this arc, and since I'm #teamdavis, I loved seeing the interactions between him and Kass.
4. Any future predictions based on where you are in the story?
I think Davis and Kass will have a very intense summer, but cracks in their relationship will begin to show when Kass realizes she's leaving and he's not coming with her. Clark will continue to be shady and this will eventually affect Kass's relationship with Amy since she knows more than Amy knows, that can't be good. Kass's relationship with Gage will be awkward for a while after his confession, I wonder where their friendship will end up.
5. What questions do you have for me? Any other thoughts you'd like to share?
Phew! I think I asked a couple questions in my answers, but I'm especially curious about the worldbuilding. You've probably answered that by now, but that's the main questions about the story I have at this point. Other questions; I know you have a busy life from what you've shared here about your job, how do you balance your writing, reading, and your professional and personal life? Sorry if this is personal, but I find it fascinating that you have SO much writing and intricate worldbuilding with multiple stories, and on top of that you make the time to read others' stories, even with what seems like a very full "real world" life. I really admire that!
I truly enjoyed reading this first part of KCLKF, I spent almost a whole day immersed in the story, reading, laughing, sighing, commenting, and reading even more, so thank you for creating such a wonderful universe. I'm really looking forward to reading more. Edit: Also, thank you so much for taking the time to read and respond to my comments on your blog! I really liked reading your responses.
Kev & Get It • Forum Thread
Arc 3:
Clark is very mysterious and in some way I really like that. I want to know who he really is, what he’s hiding (or not hiding, haha), just everything. Can’t wait to see more of him.
I think VJ is a really sweet guy and I hope he'll become happy together with Andi. His hair is a little to punky and spikey for my taste, but I really like his personality from what I’ve seen. I also didn’t expect him to be in a religion looking like that, but I also like that twist.
b) Andi and Kass discuss faith. What are your thoughts about my take on the Jacoban/Peteran faith from Sims Medieval?
I searched some things about Sims Medieval because I never really heard of it before, but I like how you used it in your story. It actually surprised me in a good way to see religion coming forward in a story because that didn’t happen too much in other stories I’ve read.
c) Andi and Kass also discuss dating and Kass proceeds to think about her love life. Did it feel realistic?
Yeah, I didn’t have the feeling that something was off or not realistic enough while reading this part.
d) Also, this arc introduces one of the many mysteries in this story. How do you think I handled its introduction?
Is it about Clark? Because then it’s going a gooooooood way. I’m so curious! If there’s another mystery I may have missed it, hahahahaha. But that’s maybe because I’m so into ‘I want to know what’s up with Clarkkkkkkk!’
Arc 4:
Davis may be a good second place in my liking meter, just under Gage. At first I thought he would be a 🐸🐸🐸🐸 or someone who just wants to act cool or tough towards the girls, but I actually like him quite much. I’m looking forward to see more of him.
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Arc 3
Thanks for trying. I know the story is massive.
Haha. Clark's story is revealed over time.
VJ is a premade who happened to start dating Andi. I didn't make the hair.
Some of my favorite scifi shows and stories have elements of religion in them and I think it makes the story well rounded.
Arc 4:
Thanks for reading.
Find me elsewhere:
My EA App ID: livinasimminlife
Livin' A Simmin' Life Stories
My Worldbuilding Blog
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Hope everyone is having a nice weekend!
Kev & Get It • Forum Thread
Thank you so much for your questions/responses. I'll try to answer them as best as possible.
I love your description of Kass in your latest post. I think it's very fitting. I am glad you're enjoying the mystery/story in general. I hope over time to write more about Kass maturing. I'm also happy to see love for Davis! You'll learn more about Brittany too. And I have more chapters like Davis' interlude coming. Interesting predictions. I won't say any more for now.
Arc 7
As I say below, Gage confessing his attraction was autonomous in game. I thought 'Whoa!' Moving up my timetable there, buddy. I rolled with it because I feel like it's true to who he is. I know there are a lot of stories that would drag it out in a will-they-won't-they scenario, but I didn't really want to do that, and the game didn't either.
Gage is naive and has blinders when it comes to Kass which is why he didn't pick up on her hesitance. I tried not to rewrite the whole chapter and use the exact same dialogue just to make it more interesting.
Arc 8 and beyond
I'm on the fence about how quickly to go with the romance. Mostly because I don't think the Sims whole meet-kiss-date-get engaged-get married-have-five-babies-all-in-one-day is realistic.
There's a good bit of things going on in the story. Maybe too much, especially by the middle I think, but it does help me create a world that feels big and immerse my readers.
Haha. I did leave a lot of plot threads dangling. Most of them get answered before or by the end. Madison is a long-term mystery. Bella's is even longer. It's one of my favorites too and I just didn't feel like I had enough time to adequately devote to Bella's side mystery while others developed and took over Kass' focus.
Your Questions
Hmm... probably the way I structure chapters. I'd also have way less mysteries/plot threads dangling. I bit off more than I can chew.
I'm constantly improving, coming up with better names/ideas so I change things as I go sometimes. Certain things I view as canon as they existed in the first story so I leave it in, even if I feel it could be better.
The only characters I created were Howard, Amy, Adelaide, and Raphael. Everyone else existed in game already or they were born in game.
Yes, I planned to, but I wasn't sure I'd release it. Then I realized it didn't really matter if I didn't have a lot of readers. It mattered that I tried and got it out there. That's when I found the SimLit community.
Kass and... Kass.
Okay, other favorite characters. Ayesha. She's always a hoot when she's on screen. Andi is sweet, and I really do love Carina as well.
Oh yes! Haha.
Howard returning after all his time away.
Amy and Clark dating.
Andi and VJ dating.
Gage's interest in Kass.
Davis... was unplanned, but quickly grew to be another favorite of mine.
Much later in the story, there's lots of other things that happen that were unplanned and totally surprised and even shocked me. I feel like the game is my co-author. When the characters/Sims make decisions, I may not like it, but I roll with it because I feel it's authentic to who they are.
Find me elsewhere:
My EA App ID: livinasimminlife
Livin' A Simmin' Life Stories
My Worldbuilding Blog
Simblr
My Sims Pinterest
Find me elsewhere:
My EA App ID: livinasimminlife
Livin' A Simmin' Life Stories
My Worldbuilding Blog
Simblr
My Sims Pinterest
Too Good at Goodbyes forum thread
Too Good at Goodbyes blog
Too Good at Goodbyes forum thread
Too Good at Goodbyes blog
1. I wasn't one of the people confused with the worldbuilding. So for me, all of that isn't necessary but I do think other people would like it so that is enough incentive to do it, I think. I'd probably look at some of it once and then get back to the story.
2. I like your author's notes and you telling me why some characters react the way they do and putting your own thoughts in it. I'm a fan of it. I don't think you should leave it out. A reader can decide for themselves whether they want to read the author's notes or not. It does help already if you include the worldbuilding somewhere else, so the reader knows the author's notes are just your personal thoughts.
3. I do think the breaks in the story are nice. Parts would make more sense to me with the corresponding numbers. I don't think the system you have right now is confusing, I only thought 'arcs' maybe wasn't the right word for what was happening. I use the index to get around anyway and remember where I was, so I don't notice it most of the time anyway. It gives me a nice indication of where to stop reading for the day.
4. I know I was the one who said something about the pacing, but it honestly depends on where you are the end of the story and how much has happened. If I feel like a lot has happened, I think it's fine if you continue in that fashion and go on with fall but if you feel like you'd have more to show us with a time jump, then that's also fine. The pacing was a case of me getting used to it. It doesn't bother me.
Too Good at Goodbyes forum thread
Too Good at Goodbyes blog
Too Good at Goodbyes forum thread
Too Good at Goodbyes blog
1) Several of you mentioned being a little confused with the worldbuilding. I have thought about including things like history and timeline on a page on the blog, and then perhaps a page with cultural references, and then probably a list of the aliens/supernaturals. I've been working on a map of the world and it's massive and complicated, but I could come up with a general list of major countries/places. Would that be useful? What kinds of worldbuilding pieces would you like to see?
Oehhh, a page especially for those things. I like! I would absolutely have that page open in another tab and sometimes go search things in it.
2) A few of you mentioned liking/disliking Author Notes. I wondered if it would make sense to reference where to find the worldbuilding pieces elsewhere on the blog, and leave some of my commentary out (i.e. why a character reacts a certain way). I honestly hadn't thought I did that too much, but it might be nice to leave more to the imagination of the readers. I know sometimes it's because I'm referencing my own history/connections to KCLKF. Any feedback?
I personally liked the author notes a lot and they helped me a lot to help me understand the story more in the very beginning. I'd find it rather sad if you leave out comments where you leave certain commentary out like why a character reacts a certain way because my imagination can go REALLY wild and I like things that are not open for my imagination :P I also love to react on those things in the comment section with my own stories ^^
3) I think I have gathered from everyone that the "Arcs" are confusing.
Meh, they weren't confusing for me (okay, at first when I didn't know the word Arc it was a little confusing, but when I started clicking and found out it was just an easy helping tool to to through your story, it was helpful). They helped me a lot and made everything more easy to read.
Would "Parts" make more sense with corresponding numbers like a Prologue would be 1.0, Chapter 1 in Part 1 would be 1.1, and Chapter 1 in Part 2 would be 2.1, and so on? Or would it be better to leave the numbers as is and not include "Parts" or "Arcs?"
I would call the arcs 'chapters', but I would call arc 1 'prologue: family history' and arc 2 is 'chapter 1: pranks and plans' and than under the chapters are part 1 to 4. But that's how I would do it :P Don't listen to me if you think it's nonsense.
4) I know the timing/pacing thing has come up. I plan to jump ahead with story 2. I'm currently debating about how far ahead. My original plan was as follows: each story is meant to take place within a season so obviously KCLKF is in the summer. I thought about story 2 taking place in the immediate fall, but I'm wondering about jumping ahead to the following summer/fall so we get a bit of a time jump, story progression, and maturity. Would you like a larger time jump with story filled in as backstory within that story? Or would you prefer to see/witness everything as it happens?
If you make it clear in your story, I really don't mind how far you jump :P You can always refer back in the story to little things that happened in that jump. Really, just choose what you feel best with.
Two stories stand before me, but I only have one of them in my hands... and that story represents the story that will still be in the running to be America's Next Top Model discussed this week in the Freezer Bunny Club.
It has been a tough choice for the randomizer, but the story has been picked. And that story is...
Between2Worlds by @mercuryfoam !
Haha sorry, I've been feeling silly~ @mercuryfoam whenever you're ready to start the discussion, we'll be ready for the reading! Looking forward to it
Kev & Get It • Forum Thread
Too Good at Goodbyes forum thread
Too Good at Goodbyes blog
Hey everyone. I’m really excited to hear your thoughts of B2W. I’ll draft up some questions and have them ready by tonight or tomorrow. In the meantime, feel free to read the story by arcs because I’ve always visualised B2W as a movie/thriller, hence there are lots of cliffhangers.
Good stops without being left hanging are:
Arc 1: Chapter 1 - 3
Arc 2: Chapter 4 - 5
For speedy readers
Arc 4: Chapter 7 individually
Arc 5: Chapter 8 - 10
@_sims_Yimi Do you want to answer the endgame questions or specific arc questions with everyone? If former, I’ll draft one and have it ready in 3 days-ish times. If latter, I’ll put endgame questions on hold. There’s also the ambitious option to do both
@mercuryfoam
Of course I'm going to do both.
1. Overall, what do you think of the story?
2. Where do you think the story is headed at this point? Any predictions?
3. What or who are you hoping gets elaborated upon the most in the next chapters?
4. I’ve always visualised B2W to be a thriller. Do the ‘thriller’ scenes work for you? If no, why?
5. Your feedback will help tremendously as I organise Season 2 of B2W. Which parts do you like? What areas should I focus/improve on? What other advice do you have?
6. Do you have any questions for me?
Writing style
1. How would you describe the writing style(s)? Does it work for the story?
2. What do you think of the story’s pacing? Any ‘lags’ or parts that were too fast?
3. What do you think about the amount of narrative/description?
4. I rely on pictures to speak for themselves sometimes. Have you come across any parts like that? Does this style work for you?
5.What do you think of story flow? Any specific scenes to improve upon? (Confusing dialogue, scenes not elaborated)
6.Have you noticed any obvious grammatical errors/ writing patterns that needs to be addressed? (English is my second language, this will help tremendously
Chapter 1 - 3: Opening
- What do you think of Athena and Curtis’s first interaction after the brawl, then the park scene? How would you describe their relationship at this point?
- What are your thoughts/impressions on Aelrendths?
Characters:
- What do you think of Athena? What about her was relatable? What wasn’t? Is her character believable?
- What do you think about Curtis? Did his choices and actions make sense to you? What are your predictions of him?
- What do you think about Grim and Kian?
Chapter 4 - 5: All mains introduced!
Characters:
- What do you think of Avery at this point?
- What do you think about Jules and his relationship with Kian?
- What do you think about Masato and Kirino?
- What are your current impressions of Athena at the end of Chapter 5? Has anything changed of her since the beginning? What do you think about her thoughts, decisions and desires at this point? Do they make sense to you?
No questions for the rest until next time. ( Just enjoy the story here on. I’ll read comments!)
*Disclaimer does not apply to @_sims_Yimi
Also, MASSIVE SPOILERS to everyone who hasn't read all of it yet. I can't help but reference some things in later chapters, so just. Skip my comments. All of my comments this week. Everyone but people who reached the end and @mercuryfoam , don't read any of it, okay? xD
1. Overall, what do you think of the story?
I like it. It’s one of the darker stories in the freezer bunny circle, but I really like the storyline and characters you have portrayed.
I like how you started with not Athena, but her parents and grandparents. It’s a nice added bit of background that provides extra understanding of how Athena and Avery are treated. You also put in a bit of a mystery about what happened to Athena’s father, and how child-Athena stops writing just as she’s about to talk about magic. In her diary introduction, her writing is very childish (which is appropriate for her age). But you end with her having matured into a teenager, and her writing reflects that as well. I thought that was very well done.
I enjoyed Curtis’s introduction as well. Athena taking on all of those thugs and (almost) winning as a scrawny girl is very unrealistic, but if you add magic to the mix, that becomes a whole different ball game. I liked the pictures taken there, too. The alleyway was very atmospheric, and their poses worked perfectly!
The chapters with Grim in them are probably my favourite. Not just because he’s an amazing character and I love every word that comes out of his mouth, but also because Grim frequently delivers background exposition and lore about your world. I personally enjoy learning about lore naturally as a story progresses, and you’ve done that here very well. There is a moment where Grim talks to her about the cycle of life and death (pretty sure it’s not in chapters 1-5 though). His explanation paired with the pictures made me go “whoah, Cool” out loud. I adore little snippets of background like that.
The point where Athena saves Curtis from being reaped by Grim and the fighting scene that followed was amazing, too. I believe I commented this on your post itself already, but you’re good at writing fighting scenes and building tension. It also served as the introduction to Curtis’s background, Kirino and Masato (you know how I feel about him, the plum).
The light-heartedness of Athena spending time with her mother and Ares writing an essay about his sister was well balanced with the darker chapters surrounding Curtis, Kirino and Masato. Another highlight for me was Athena changing her appearance after she decided to take control of her life again. I always thought that her clothes and hairstyle were ill-suited and careless, like she didn’t care what she put on because she didn’t care about anything. You made her change of appearance symbolize her change of heart, without outright stating that that’s what it was. I really like that, too. Good use of symbolism, to me, is the sign of a very good writer.
2. Where do you think the story is headed at this point? Any predictions?
Well, I’m finished with it, sooooo, season two? =D Okay, for real now. I can’t answer this one for just chapter’s 1-5, so I’m answering it for the finale. Athena and Curtis need to reach a decision on where to go with their relationship, what they want out of life, and mostly, what they want with themselves. They have a lot of work to do on themselves, and a relationship might actually get in the way at this point. Both of them have baggage that is dragging the other down.
I’m also hoping for more magic adventures. I really liked the bits of lore you sprinkled in here and there, and there were some pretty big plotlines basically left hanging loose at the end of the season. I’m hoping those will get more of a front seat in the next season!
3. What or who are you hoping gets elaborated upon the most in the next chapters?
I can’t answer this one for just the first few chapters either, because I’ve already read it all =D
Morgyn, Grim, Athena’s family and the Aelrendeths. I would actually love to see a flashback of sorts to how Avery got out, how her family has been treated up until she left, more of the lore behind the magic realm and spellcasting, etc. We saw the hooded figures at the end of the finale, so that’s a pretty good indicator that at least SOMETHING magicky is going to go down!
I’d also love to see a chapter about Avery actually talking to her children about the deal she made, about what she did to protect her son, and how she is dying. I know Ares already knows at this point in the story, but I’d love a little side chapter where we see his reaction to it, as well as Avery’s way of telling him. We don’t see a whole lot of her, even though she’s a very important character, so I’d love to see her on the foreground more! =D
4. I’ve always visualised B2W to be a thriller. Do the ‘thriller’ scenes work for you? If no, why?
Some chapters, definitely! Others, not so much. But even a thriller movie has light-hearted moments in it, so that is definitely not a bad thing.
5. Your feedback will help tremendously as I organise Season 2 of B2W. Which parts do you like? What areas should I focus/improve on? What other advice do you have?
I’ve already touched upon this in my earlier comments, but in no particular order:
• Lore. I loved the bits surrounding Grim, life and death, Aelrendeths, magic in general, Masato’s “gang”, etc.
• Character development. Athena’s transformation from hollow shell of a person who cared not for her appearance, to a vibrant young woman who looked forward to school and learning spellcasting was very well done.
• Symbolism. There is already a good amount of it in your story, but I am a total sucker for good symbolism, so HIT ME. XD
6. Do you have any questions for me?
You’ve been playing the Renteria family for a while before arriving at Athena’s story, right? What made you want to focus on her specifically? Where did the story of magic and Aeldrendeths and her connecting to Grim come from – did it pop into your head as you wrote, or did you have an idea from the start already?
Writing style
1. How would you describe the writing style(s)? Does it work for the story?
Your writing flows well. There’s very few moments where your chapters don’t read away easily, if any. Ironically, the only chapter where I had to force myself through was the one with barely any text, and that was because of the thing that happened in the pictures.
2. What do you think of the story’s pacing? Any ‘lags’ or parts that were too fast?
Not that I can think of.
3. What do you think about the amount of narrative/description?
So far, it’s just right. It never gets too long for me to enjoy, or too short that it feels like something is missing. Your early chapters were a little short for my tastes, but that’s very much a personal preference, so take that one with a gain of salt! I thought they were short because I wanted to keep reading, haha.
4. I rely on pictures to speak for themselves sometimes. Have you come across any parts like that? Does this style work for you?
Yup, and yup! The parts where it’s almost all pictures are often some of the best parts of the story. I’m thinking of the lighthouse scene, but also the strip with Curtis, that night with Athena, and some of the pictures in the very last chapters (Grim and Kirino’s family come to mind). Those had the most impact on the story in my opnion - more than text could have done.
5.What do you think of story flow? Any specific scenes to improve upon? (Confusing dialogue, scenes not elaborated)
There’s a few moments that I would have liked to have seen more of. Avery’s situation comes to mind, as well as Athena’s brother Ares. I remember really liking the chapter where he wrote an essay about Athena. We never really see him beyond that point. It’s fine since he doesn’t really have a role in the story, but it did make me think that they have no relationship to speak of… which is sad, because he’s her brother. We don’t know if he can do magic, either. Avery taught Athena, but did she teach Ares? Did he want to learn? Is he interested at all? Does he know about Curtis? We know he looked up to Athena as a kid, so I can't imagine him not worrying about his sister's well-being.
6.Have you noticed any obvious grammatical errors/ writing patterns that needs to be addressed? (English is my second language, this will help tremendously
Oof, this one I cannot answer, I think. It’s been too long since I read all the chapters. But I usually point it out when I see it, so you’re most likely in the clear!
Btw, @ajamkeevin I'm still planning on answering your questions via spoiler. Sorry I'm so late.
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Chapter 1 - 3: Opening
I loved hearing that this was generation 5 (?) in a save you've been playing for a longer amount of time. It makes you feel like there's all this backstory and life to these characters you haven't seen. It's great. I especially loved reading the prologue. Athena has an interesting background. Your picture taking is also something that caught my interest immediately. You have a knack for taking realistic and telling pictures. The prologue made me curious about Athena now, so yes, it did make me want to read further.
Curtis is a character I immediately liked from his first smoking entrance. I like that you made him a smoker and kept following up on that, especially with the park scene where he put his lighter away so as not to bother Athena with it. I think I'd describe them as acquaintances right now, but they have a healthy interest in each other. It's clear Curtis cares about what happens to her and Curtis keeps popping up into Athena's mind too. It's interesting to me how she still thought about him after recovering from her injuries for months. He certainly left an impression. I', certainly excited to see in what circumstances they'll encounter each other next time, because it's bound to be eventful.
No real thoughts. Not enough has been revealed to say something about it. It seems to be a different term for spellcasters? I'm hoping Avery can shine a light on the term and the meaning of it, but for now it was just something Grim mentioned before he flew to reap some souls.
I like Athena, but I'm having a hard time pinpointing why exactly. I think it's the fact that she's physically strong. I don't know if it's magically infused or something, but she can beat up a whole group of people by herself and I think that's pretty 🐸🐸🐸🐸 and cool. She knows how to stand up for herself. I also like that she's inquisitive and willing to explore the world around her. She started out very depressed, but I have a feeling Curtis already made a shift in Athena. I don't think anything about her is relatable for me personally, but I think what makes her believable is that she was bullied and it made her feel so sad and alone. She didn't connect with anyone anymore. I think you portrayed the effects of bullying realistically. I can't relate to Athena's physical strength. I wish I could, but I'm a chicken and I'd never try to beat someone up. 😂 Not a bad thing though, just answering the question.
Curtis is my favourite character so far. He's very calm and collected, seems to be thinking rationally most of the time. He'd make a good balance for Athena who's not calm or collected. His words so far don't make a whole lot of sense to me, but that's obvious because we don't know much about him yet. I'm not entirely sure why he did decide to jump into Athena's battle, but I guess he did think he could handle fighting the gang so he made a calculation (or it was recklessness). I feel bad about it, but I would have called the cops and let that be it. I know I can't handle a gang and I wouldn't try because I don't want to die. 😅
I did read some of the comments on the chapters and other people predicted he was going to turn out to be a drug dealer and you replied that they were going in the right direction with that prediction. Curtis doesn't feel like a drug dealer to me, but I have no clue who/what he is then. I don't think he's a spellcaster like Athena, but he does seem to have some heightened senses like being able to tell how the man died. This seemed to be confirmed by Kian later on. Or he's just a drug dealer. What do I know?
Grim was a pleasant surprise. I've never read about Grim being portrayed so humanly before. It's cool. And gosh, he sounded smart! I hope he keeps popping back up and gets some sort of relationship with Athena. I'd love that, honestly. Friends with Grim.
We haven't seen as much of Kian as of Curtis but I think you've put his personality down quite well. He seems more upbeat and outgoing than Curtis. He also seems to be protective of him. They feel like they're good friends to me. I also like that Kian is working in a bar as a minor. I wonder why that's the job he chose for himself. Did he need money that badly? I've never heard of a minor serving drinks as a bartender before anyway. It adds another layer to him.
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