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The Not So Super Mario Bro (Updated 4/1/2020)
DoodlyDoofus
Posts: 1,181 Member
Psst, this is my first Sims "Story" so to speak. So don't go expecting too much, anyways come and enjoy the weird mess that's going on in my head.
Welcome to Mario Bros. Behind the Pixel, our story starts almost 40 years ago on July 9, 1981. The day Mario and Luigi (Last Name Unavailable) were born to a not so loving, pretty stinking poor family in a pretty scary part of town.
Unfortunately for them, they were basically on their own since their parents were never around and correct me if I'm wrong but that sounds illegal but oh well that's just how it's always been for them.
Luigi: "Yeah, life was pretty tough. But Mario and I always found something to make us feel better about our upbringing."
Luigi: "For instance, Pizza! We couldn't order it ourselves, but we'd always umm, 'find ways' about getting a hold of those pies."
Young Mario: "Man do I love having a high metabolism!"
Luigi: "Unfortunately we were always strapped for cash, so we only ever had one bed in the house. So naturally if Dad was ever around he'd play a game to decide who gets to sleep in the bed. A game called 'The Favorite'. Dad would pick his favorite and the favorite gets to sleep in the bed."
Luigi: "Of course Mario always won that game."
Luigi: "I however wouldn't know what it's like to sleep in a bed until I was 25."
Luigi: "This explains so much."
As the years went on, Mario and Luigi surprisingly looked like they were going to be alright.....Until they hit 13 and started slacking off in school.
Oh and of course who can forget about that embarrassing time in their lives when they tried to become edgy rockstars.
Luigi: "Ugh, don't remind me of that. Fun fact, this is where we got our name: "The Super Mario Bros" because Mario thought it would be a cool name. However it never made sense I mean, why couldn't we be the Luigi Bros?"
But of course when the Mario Bros finally reached adulthood it seemed like the world was their Burrito. What doors could open up for them now? Well....there was one tiny detail.
Boy were they poor.
So they became plumbers and started their own business: "Mario Bros Plumbing". Years later.....they're still poor as dirt, but their outfits make them stand out and are flashy!
Not a bad business though, most of the time Mario and Luigi just had to clean people's sinks.
Young Luigi: "Anything I can do to help?"
Young Mario: "Yeah, go bill the people."
Young Luigi: "That'll be 500 Simoleons."
Jesminder: "500?! That much for cleaning a sink?"
Young Mario: "Could've done it yourself, but instead you hired professionals. Now pay up!"
Luigi: "Now that I think about it, that was a pretty scummy business."
But one day it seemed like the Mario Bros' big break was fast approaching. Turns out, the one and only Princess Peach was kidnapped by King Bowser!
Peach: "What they didn't understand was the fact that Bowser kidnaps me once a week. Plays out the same way every time too, he kidnaps me, laughs, says no one will save me, then he releases me because I spend most of my time in captivity on Twitter anyways. Mario and Luigi didn't HAVE to save me but hey, what are you gonna do?"
And save her they did, the Mario Bros hurried to Bowser's castle to save the Princess as soon as possible!
Luigi: "Well actually, we were fixing Judith Ward's bathtub that day and just so happened to see Bowser carrying Peach to his castle while we were heading out to get ourselves a pizza. But that doesn't sound so well in our Bibliography now does it?"
Regardless, Mario bravely stood up to the Evil King Bowser and told him his days were numbered.
And thus Mario unleashed a wicked flurry of kicks to the evil king.
And with a mighty blow, the Evil King Bowser was defeated.
Bowser: *Speaking in a posh British accent* "Is that what he told you? Oh ho ho, you couldn't be further from the truth."
Luigi: "Yeah gonna have to side with Bowser here, I hated how Mario always said that's how he beat Bowser. Here's how it really went."
Luigi: "Mario and I showed up, Bowser roared at him and it scared Mario and made him cry."
Luigi: "And when Bowser attempted to apologize to Mario for making him cry, Mario just pulled out an empty bottle and smashed it over his head."
But regardless, The Super Mario Bros were the heroes that saved our Princess. In return for saving her life, Princess Peach did what she always did to reward people.....She made them a cake!
Young Mario: "Oh. My. God.....This is the greatest cake ever made!"
Peach: "It was literally a cheap instant cake packet from Wal-Mart."
But boy was it delicious.
Luigi: "Now of course our story got out that we saved the Princess so of course everyone was all over us wanting our story. So instead of taking any TV or movie offers we made a big gamble....and picked the offer to have video games made about our stories. And we all know where that went!"
That's right, the Super Mario Bros became overnight sensations, brought in millions upon millions of dollars in gross revenue and became two of the biggest celebrities the world would ever see.
See that? This woman passed out just witnessing Mario's massive Star Power. THAT'S star power!
Naturally, Mario and Luigi would claim their place at the top of the fame ladder.
Young Mario: "The world is truly my Burrito!"
Victor: "Can I get an autograph?!"
Young Mario: "Sure thing!"
Victor: "It....just says 'Mario'."
Young Mario: "You're welcome!"
Then of course Romance was in the air.....now that Mario was a millionaire.
Peach: "Yep, when he was poor I made him cake. When I found out he had over a hundred million simoleons to his name, I fell in love with him!"
Naturally, Mario and Peach would marry in a private ceremony (there were paparazzi everywhere.)
Then of course the newlyweds would soon welcome a child into this world, Mario Jr.
Don't worry, Luigi wouldn't be left out like that. Especially after his fling with Superstar Octavia Bailey.
Luigi: "Would just like to throw it out there that was probably the high point of my career."
But of course.....the good times would soon come to an abrupt end...It all happened one day during a nice party when Princess Peach invited a few friends over for cake.
Mario wasn't a fan of Peach inviting her ex to the party. But that didn't bother Mario too much, what really bothered him was that HE TOOK A PIECE OF THAT CAKE!
So Mario handled him in a pretty extreme way.
Young Mario: "Might've gone a little overboard there."
Young Mario: "Mama Mia...."
Mr Tiny: "What's up, name's Mr Tiny, and you're in my house now!"
Mr Tiny: "A...are you seriously about to cry?"
Young Mario: "The emotions of the situation are finally starting to get to me."
Officer: "You two are gonna have to shut up in here, we don't like conversations going on in this prison!"
Young Mario: "Hey nice to meet you, it's a me, Mario!"
Officer: "BAD MONKEY!"
Mr Tiny: "Poor fool never had a chance."
And that's how a legend ends, the great Mario, in prison for murder over jealousy and gluttony. If Mario ever does get out he will see that the world has greatly changed since he's been incarcerated. But until then, this is Super Mario Bros. Behind the Pixel.
To be continued.
Chapter 1: Mario Bros. Behind the Pixel.
Welcome to Mario Bros. Behind the Pixel, our story starts almost 40 years ago on July 9, 1981. The day Mario and Luigi (Last Name Unavailable) were born to a not so loving, pretty stinking poor family in a pretty scary part of town.
Unfortunately for them, they were basically on their own since their parents were never around and correct me if I'm wrong but that sounds illegal but oh well that's just how it's always been for them.
Luigi: "Yeah, life was pretty tough. But Mario and I always found something to make us feel better about our upbringing."
Luigi: "For instance, Pizza! We couldn't order it ourselves, but we'd always umm, 'find ways' about getting a hold of those pies."
Young Mario: "Man do I love having a high metabolism!"
Luigi: "Unfortunately we were always strapped for cash, so we only ever had one bed in the house. So naturally if Dad was ever around he'd play a game to decide who gets to sleep in the bed. A game called 'The Favorite'. Dad would pick his favorite and the favorite gets to sleep in the bed."
Luigi: "Of course Mario always won that game."
Luigi: "I however wouldn't know what it's like to sleep in a bed until I was 25."
Luigi: "This explains so much."
As the years went on, Mario and Luigi surprisingly looked like they were going to be alright.....Until they hit 13 and started slacking off in school.
Oh and of course who can forget about that embarrassing time in their lives when they tried to become edgy rockstars.
Luigi: "Ugh, don't remind me of that. Fun fact, this is where we got our name: "The Super Mario Bros" because Mario thought it would be a cool name. However it never made sense I mean, why couldn't we be the Luigi Bros?"
But of course when the Mario Bros finally reached adulthood it seemed like the world was their Burrito. What doors could open up for them now? Well....there was one tiny detail.
Boy were they poor.
So they became plumbers and started their own business: "Mario Bros Plumbing". Years later.....they're still poor as dirt, but their outfits make them stand out and are flashy!
Not a bad business though, most of the time Mario and Luigi just had to clean people's sinks.
Young Luigi: "Anything I can do to help?"
Young Mario: "Yeah, go bill the people."
Young Luigi: "That'll be 500 Simoleons."
Jesminder: "500?! That much for cleaning a sink?"
Young Mario: "Could've done it yourself, but instead you hired professionals. Now pay up!"
Luigi: "Now that I think about it, that was a pretty scummy business."
But one day it seemed like the Mario Bros' big break was fast approaching. Turns out, the one and only Princess Peach was kidnapped by King Bowser!
Peach: "What they didn't understand was the fact that Bowser kidnaps me once a week. Plays out the same way every time too, he kidnaps me, laughs, says no one will save me, then he releases me because I spend most of my time in captivity on Twitter anyways. Mario and Luigi didn't HAVE to save me but hey, what are you gonna do?"
And save her they did, the Mario Bros hurried to Bowser's castle to save the Princess as soon as possible!
Luigi: "Well actually, we were fixing Judith Ward's bathtub that day and just so happened to see Bowser carrying Peach to his castle while we were heading out to get ourselves a pizza. But that doesn't sound so well in our Bibliography now does it?"
Regardless, Mario bravely stood up to the Evil King Bowser and told him his days were numbered.
And thus Mario unleashed a wicked flurry of kicks to the evil king.
And with a mighty blow, the Evil King Bowser was defeated.
Bowser: *Speaking in a posh British accent* "Is that what he told you? Oh ho ho, you couldn't be further from the truth."
Luigi: "Yeah gonna have to side with Bowser here, I hated how Mario always said that's how he beat Bowser. Here's how it really went."
Luigi: "Mario and I showed up, Bowser roared at him and it scared Mario and made him cry."
Luigi: "And when Bowser attempted to apologize to Mario for making him cry, Mario just pulled out an empty bottle and smashed it over his head."
But regardless, The Super Mario Bros were the heroes that saved our Princess. In return for saving her life, Princess Peach did what she always did to reward people.....She made them a cake!
Young Mario: "Oh. My. God.....This is the greatest cake ever made!"
Peach: "It was literally a cheap instant cake packet from Wal-Mart."
But boy was it delicious.
Luigi: "Now of course our story got out that we saved the Princess so of course everyone was all over us wanting our story. So instead of taking any TV or movie offers we made a big gamble....and picked the offer to have video games made about our stories. And we all know where that went!"
That's right, the Super Mario Bros became overnight sensations, brought in millions upon millions of dollars in gross revenue and became two of the biggest celebrities the world would ever see.
See that? This woman passed out just witnessing Mario's massive Star Power. THAT'S star power!
Naturally, Mario and Luigi would claim their place at the top of the fame ladder.
Young Mario: "The world is truly my Burrito!"
Victor: "Can I get an autograph?!"
Young Mario: "Sure thing!"
Victor: "It....just says 'Mario'."
Young Mario: "You're welcome!"
Then of course Romance was in the air.....now that Mario was a millionaire.
Peach: "Yep, when he was poor I made him cake. When I found out he had over a hundred million simoleons to his name, I fell in love with him!"
Naturally, Mario and Peach would marry in a private ceremony (there were paparazzi everywhere.)
Then of course the newlyweds would soon welcome a child into this world, Mario Jr.
Don't worry, Luigi wouldn't be left out like that. Especially after his fling with Superstar Octavia Bailey.
Luigi: "Would just like to throw it out there that was probably the high point of my career."
But of course.....the good times would soon come to an abrupt end...It all happened one day during a nice party when Princess Peach invited a few friends over for cake.
Mario wasn't a fan of Peach inviting her ex to the party. But that didn't bother Mario too much, what really bothered him was that HE TOOK A PIECE OF THAT CAKE!
So Mario handled him in a pretty extreme way.
Young Mario: "Might've gone a little overboard there."
Young Mario: "Mama Mia...."
Mr Tiny: "What's up, name's Mr Tiny, and you're in my house now!"
Mr Tiny: "A...are you seriously about to cry?"
Young Mario: "The emotions of the situation are finally starting to get to me."
Officer: "You two are gonna have to shut up in here, we don't like conversations going on in this prison!"
Young Mario: "Hey nice to meet you, it's a me, Mario!"
Officer: "BAD MONKEY!"
Mr Tiny: "Poor fool never had a chance."
And that's how a legend ends, the great Mario, in prison for murder over jealousy and gluttony. If Mario ever does get out he will see that the world has greatly changed since he's been incarcerated. But until then, this is Super Mario Bros. Behind the Pixel.
To be continued.
Post edited by DoodlyDoofus on
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Book O' Spells: The Life and Times of Lady Ravendancer Goth
The Shadow Over Newcrest - Revised Story Blog
16 years later, another lovely day at the Willow Creek Prison....Well not for the people in the prison, but those people who walk past it are most likely having a wonderful day!
Mario: "Well Mr. Tiny, today's the day. I'm finally getting out of here."
Mr. Tiny: "Man, it certainly won't be the same without you here. Now remember what I taught you about shanking right?"
Mario: "Aim for the leg, there's a major artery there!"
Mr. Tiny: "That's right my man! Hey, maybe one day I'll get out of here too! We can go get a few drinks then."
Mario: "Now Mr. Tiny, we all know you're not getting out here anytime soon after what you did to that Sushi Chef."
Mr. Tiny: "Ha ha, I know. It's nice to dream though."
And just like that, Mario was a free man. What was he going to do with his life now that he was no longer caged like a rat?
Mario: "Mama Mia, I just don't know how I'm going to adjust to outside life."
Officer: "Yeah I don't care, you gotta leave now."
Mario: "Hey Officer, just for old times sake, wanna give me one last 'Bad Monkey'?"
Officer: "BAD MONKEY!"
Day 1 of Mario's new life.
And of COURSE it looks depressing as all hell.
Oh well, time to go back home to his Princess.
Mario: "Oh Princess, I'm ho-Wait you're no Princess."
Mortimer: "Oh right you are ol' bean. I'm Mortimer Goth! Welcome to the Goth House, chap!"
Mario: "Goth? Where's the Princess?"
Mortimer: "Princess? Oh you mean Princess Peach! Yeah she's Queen Peach now."
Mario: "Ah, so she's really moved on up."
Mortimer: "While you're here allow me to introduce you to the Goths!"
Mortimer: "There's Cassandra."
Cassandra: "Like, whatever."
Mortimer: "And my wonderful Son, Alexander!"
Alexander: "Daddy, it's a poor person, get the brick!"
Mario: "Poor person? BRICK?!"
Mortimer: "Ah yes, we have a tradition for when we see a poor person around here. Sorry about this chap."
Mario: "MAMA MIA!"
Mortimer: "Nothing makes you feel more alive than beating poor people!"
Mario: "I'm gonna need a 1-Up after that."
But alas, Mario made it to Queen Peach's castle. Nice place.
Mario: "Wahoo, I can get used to this! Come here Peach, It's-a Me, Mario!"
Peach: "Oh wow Mario....you got out of Prison!"
Mario: "Darn Tootin I did! Now let's make up for lost time! I can't wait to show you a great recipe I learned for toilet bowl punch!"
Peach: "K, but there's a few things I need to explain first."
Luigi: "Hey Peach, I smell poor people, what's going-IT'S A MARIO!"
Mario: "Luigi, you son of a gun! I didn't recognize you with that beard or that muscle mass!"
Luigi: "Thanks Mario, I grew the beard to hide my weak jaw and chin."
Mario: "Oh you always had the weakest jawline in the country."
Peach: "Ahem, So uhh Luigi. We have some explaining to do for Mario."
Took Mario a solid 20 seconds before the realization finally hit him.
Mario: "Luigi, what are you doing with my wife?!"
Peach: "Ex"
Mario: "EX?! Mama mia, when did this happen?"
Luigi: "3 months after you got locked up."
Peach: "Mario, Luigi and I started a nice happy life together. Look, there's our 17 year old son Luigi Jr!"
Luigi Jr: "Mama Mia, can I borrow $20 for a new mustache comb?"
Mario: "17 Year old son?! I was only in prison for 16 years! You just renamed Mario Jr! Look he even has my mustache!"
Luigi: "Told you he wasn't stupid enough to fall for it, but noooooo you couldn't wait to have your own Luigi Jr, you had to rename his son instead!"
So Mario of course left in a huff, I mean knowing his track record of how well he handles his anger anyone would be proud to see how well he handled this. Well, Peach and Luigi aren't going to help Mario out so he's on his own now. What awaits Mario in the next chapter of his journey?
Mario: ".................Sigh, Mama Mia."
Book O' Spells: The Life and Times of Lady Ravendancer Goth
The Shadow Over Newcrest - Revised Story Blog
Twists In Time And Space (Updated December 2nd 2018. New discord server!)
Bob Bobson (Updated August 12th 2019)
A little backstory for Luigi in the last 16 years, immediately after Mario went to Prison, Luigi went to college! Which is like prison, but only slightly better! Regardless, after graduating Luigi realized 'why star in video games when I can make my own game company!' So he started 'Super Luigi Bro' and eventually made his own video game console, the Super Luigi which just so happens to be the best selling console of all time! Literally every person on the planet owns one! Because of this it has made Luigi the richest man in the world with a networth of 389 billion simoleons! Now you can see why Peach married him....oh and because he got riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiipped.
However back at Mario's new pad, he just answered a roommate ad posted by none other than....Bob Pancakes. Why is Bob Pancakes here of all places? Because Eliza understandably dumped his butt! She got what little money he had and now he lives with only a couple hundred simoleons to his name!
Bob: "Hi friend, I'm Bob Pancakes! My hobbies include baking and reading the funnies in the Sunday paper!"
Mario: "I twisted a man's neck until he could see his own butt."
Bob: "He'll warm up to me eventually."
Later that night...
Mario: "Ey yo Bob, ordered a pizza pie. Come have a slice, Best in the city."
Bob: "Oh I forgot to tell you that I don't quite care for pizza."
Mario: "Get out."
Bob: "....You can't be serious."
Oh Mario was 100% serious, unfortunately for Bob it just so happened to be the night where Vlad was stalking the hallways of this apartment complex.
It'll all be over soon Bobby.
Later that night.
Bob: "Oh....I guess we aren't good enough friends to share a bed yet."
Bob: "Finders keepers I guess.....:"
The following morning....
Mario: "What are you doing?"
Bob: "Just playing my Super Luigi, wanna play?"
Mario of course refused to give Luigi's video game console any attention. So instead he went outside and.........Watched this street performer.
Mario: "Boy you look stupid, have a hundred simoleons!"
Turns out that was the last 100 simoleons those two had.
Mario: "Peach please take me back, Bob has no money!"
......
Mario: "Yeah, I'm living with Bob Pancakes. What about it? Why are you laughing?"
Okay so Mario has to go have fun without spending money.....and it started raining.
So Mario found fun by frolicking in the rain.
Then got bored and decided to give the Super Luigi a shot....yeah he can see why everyone has one.
A few days later Bob and Mario went out to see the sights in the city.
Mario: "Now Bob, you wanna know our problem? We're both divorced and need to get back into the game. How do we do that you might ask?"
Bob: "I don't know I like where this is going."
Mario: "That's right, we need to portray ourselves as the sensitive artist types! The chicks that dig the sensitive artists are usually pretty hot so this will be great! We're going to paint a mural right here for all the chicks to see!"
Bob: "How did you get the money for spray paint?"
Mario: "Found your shoe box that you keep your spare cash in. Now less talking, more spraying!"
Bob pointed the can the wrong way and sprayed all that spray paint into his mouth.
Mario: "WHOA, IS THAT DAVID BOWIE?!"
Mario: "Have fun with the mural Bobby, gotta see this."
Mario was then mesmerized by David Bowie playing Mario's favorite song, Heroes, on the violin.
Street Performer: "Hey punk give me your money."
Bob: "I don't have anything, my friend spent the rest of my money on spray paint."
Seconds later.....
Bob: "MARIO HELP ME!!!"
Street Performer: "Mario's not gonna help you now!"
Mario: "It's so beautiful."
Mario enjoys the rest of David Bowie's show while Bob's sobbing can be heard in the distance.
About to eat a cold slice of leftover pizza, Mario was deep in thought. Thinking what Luigi was probably doing right now. Maybe the money, the fame, the Princess, all of that's not enough to fill the void in Luigi's life.
Luigi: "389 billion simoleons!!!!! IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL!"
Probably not.
To be continued.
After spending all of Bob's money and stuck eating leftover pizza while Bob eats a bowl of chips for breakfast, Mario needs a good get rich quick scheme.
Bob: "Wait, spent all of my money? Could've sworn we still had ten simoleons left."
Mario: "About that...."
The day before.....
Mario: "They told me I can make wishes like this! So it must be true!"
Mario: "Alright, got a real money making plan here. Do you own a guitar?"
Bob: "I've never been a musically creative person, so no."
Mario: "Don't sweat it, I'll buy a new guitar then."
Bob: "Last time I checked, guitars aren't cheap. At least 600 Simoleons."
Mario: "Again, got it covered. Got myself a job to help support us since you're so bad at it."
You're looking at the newest table washer at the local McTasty's!
After Bob and Mario came home from work, Mario was quite ecstatic to see women in the hallway! Gotta work that Mario charm.
Woman: "Oh hey, my name's Samantha. What's yours?"
Mario: "Wah-hoo! Women like it when you blast party poppers in their faces right?"
Samantha: "You don't talk to too many women these days huh?"
Mario: "I was in prison for 16 years."
Later that night, Mario was busy playing the Super Luigi™ when Bob just wouldn't stop crying.
Bob: "I'm sorry for crying during the middle of your game Mario, but it's the first Love Day that has passed since Eliza divorced me. I'm just a little down in the dumps."
Mario: "Rough, you should go talk to her. Recently divorced women like it when their ex-husbands stalk them right? Anyways I'd come with you for support but quite frankly, I don't care."
So Bob traveled to where Eliza has been living and.......Oh wow. That's a big step up from living with Bob.
Bob: "Wait, we've only been divorced for 3 months and you already married Malcolm Landgraab?!"
Eliza: "Eyup, easy choice to make honestly."
Bob: "But why, what does Malcolm Landgraab have that I don't?"
Eliza: "Do you have a few hours to spare because I could really go on for hours about why I'd marry Malcolm instead of staying with you. I mean why would I want to be with a Bob Pancakes when I can be with a Malcolm Landgraab?"
Bob: "How many times do I have to say this? There's nothing wrong with being Bob Pancakes!"
Aaaaaand that's when Malcolm Landgraab showed up.
Malcolm: "Eliza, is this poor person bothering you?"
Eliza: "Kinda, but go easy on him.....He's a Pancake."
Bob: "Hey come on now, we don't have to resort to insults like that!"
Malcolm: "Okay fine, I know how to handle this so we're all happy? You want that?"
Bob: "Of course I would."
Malcolm: "Good."
Malcolm: "Unleash the hounds."
Bob: "OH GOD WHY!?"
And Bob ran 17 miles while being chased by those rabid dogs......Well actually about 100 feet, even the hounds didn't want to bother with Bob after a few seconds. But it didn't stop Bob from getting the most cardio he's gotten in years.
To be continued.
Book O' Spells: The Life and Times of Lady Ravendancer Goth
The Shadow Over Newcrest - Revised Story Blog
Poor Bob though!
Twists In Time And Space (Updated December 2nd 2018. New discord server!)
Bob Bobson (Updated August 12th 2019)
After a week or two of cleaning tables at McTasty's, Mario finally has the money to buy a guitar. Don't mind the crying, he always does that now.
It's gonna take him a while to get back into the swing of things here. After all, 16 years since he last played. But this get rich quick scheme will be worth it.
Mario: "Alright Bob, this scheme is going to require both of us if we want it to be a success. I'll play the guitar and you'll follow my lead."
Bob: "Well that's great, what do I have to do?"
The next morning, Mario headed out to the city and pulled out his trusty guitar.
Mario: "Ladies and Gentlemen, come one come all to see the great Super Mario play his guitar!"
Mario: "And Bob the wonderful dancing hotdog!"
Bob: "Mario I don't want to do this. This is embarrassing."
Mario: "Dance now Bob, or we're eating dogfood tonight."
Bob: "Well....I certainly don't like dogfood."
Mario: "Enjoying the show, Ma'am?"
Woman: "Kinda, if I give you 5 Simoleons can I punch this hotdog guy?"
Mario: "I don't see why not."
Bob: "Wait what?"
Woman: "This is what you get for being a lousy dancer!"
Woman: "Boy this makes me feel alive, what can I get for 10 Simoleons?"
Mario: "Whoa whoa, we don't offer a 10 Simoleon package here."
Woman: "DIE HOTDOG MAN DIE!"
Bob: "MARIO HELP ME!"
Mario: "Great, now I have to get involved."
Mario: "Hey lady, you like punching people huh? Well how do you like THIS punch?"
Woman: "Wait what is this?"
Mario: "Fruit Punch. But now you look like you committed a murder."
Woman: "Why would you do that?"
Mario: "Right there officer, she's the murderer!"
Cat Ears Officer: "Good job citizen, we'll take care of her right meow."
Officer: "You're under arrest, Ma'am!"
Woman: "I'll get you for this Mario!!!!!!"
Mario: "Justice."
Bob: "So how much money did we make?"
Mario: "15 Simoleons."
Bob: "But that Guitar cost 600! You're telling me we lost 585 Simoleons ?!"
Mario: "More like 785 because that Hotdog costume cost 200."
To be Continued.
Book O' Spells: The Life and Times of Lady Ravendancer Goth
The Shadow Over Newcrest - Revised Story Blog
LOL, I love this!
But yes, I feel sorry for Bob, Mario, torture Eliza , not Bob
Sea may rise, sky may fall, My love will never die..
My heart, my heart, My drowning heart, Oh all the tears I've cried
Oh I may weep forevermore, My love will never die..
@Ellupelluellu Ah, you want nice things for Bob.....Umm, you'll get your wish......and at the same time you won't just an FYI.
The Romance festival is in town. Finally, a chance for Mario to get back into the game with little to no effort because I imagine most ladies are desperate here!
Whoa whoa whoa, you can dance at this festival?
Mario: "Bob, get your hotdog costume and make us some money."
Bob: "Aww but Mario, don't you remember what happened last time?"
Mario: "Do you want dogfood for dinner again?"
Now while Bob makes the money, Mario is going to get his flirt on.
Oooh, two women painting. Those two seem like good ideal mates for Mario.
The one with the gun however, Mario's going to stay away from her.
Mario: "Hmm, even if I were drunk you still wouldn't be my type lady."
Bob: "Any luck finding a date, Mario?"
Mario: "Get us any money?"
Bob: "Actually made 20 Simoleons, AND they didn't punch me afterwards!"
Mario: "Hey now THAT'S progress!"
So Mario went up to the love guru and asked her what his romantic destiny looks like.
Love Guru: "Unless you're coming home with me tonight you're going to be quite lonely."
Mario: "Hmm, no thank you."
Bob: "How's MY romantic destiny looking?"
Love Guru: "Not even I would bring you home."
Bob: "At least I have my ramen..."
Mario: "Hey, it's-a me, Mario! I haven't done this in a while but would you like to go on a date with an ex convict?"
Lilith: "Sure, sounds rad."
So Mario started crying again.
Mario: "It's been so long since I've gone on a date."
The very next day!
Mario: "'Sup Bob, what's up?"
Bob: "Got fired from my job."
Mario: "For what?"
Bob: "They just said 'Why should we keep a man named 'Bob Pancakes' employed here' and fired me."
Mario: "Bummer, what are you going to do now?"
Bob: "Well I figured since my life is a joke, I would get into standup comedy."
Later that day, clearly a job that's right for Mario.
Mario: "Hey Bob, how'd your first night of standup go?"
Bob: "Not well."
Bob: "It was going well for a while, got a few chuckles out of the people but not a lot."
Bob: "But then I made fun of some guy's hair."
Bad Hair Guy: "Hey Buddy, I worked hard to style my hair like this!"
Bob: "It's just comedy, take it easy."
Bad Hair Guy: "Oh yeah, how's this for a joke?"
Bad Hair Guy: "Oh yeah! Punching failing standup comics makes me feel so alive!"
Mario: "Hey now cheer up, you know why you're not doing well in comedy? It's your looks! You need to look funny, in a good way, right now you look like you smell funny. This calls for a MAKEOVER!!!!"
Mario: "First let's get you an afro, everyone knows afro's make anyone look more likeable, like Bob Ross!"
Bob: "Mario I don't think an afro would look right on me."
Mario: "Nonsense, you look funnier already! Now....can we get it bigger?"
Mario: "PERFECT! Now let's just get rid of that beard."
Mario: "NO NO NO NO PUT IT BACK! THAT IS NOT RIGHT!"
Mario: "There, the right amount of silly if you want to make it in the business."
Mario: "Meanwhile, I will help you write some new material. I am quite known for my humor."
Mario: "Wow Bob.....that's some pretty dark stuff you've written on your computer...."
Bob: "Yeah, was going through a pretty rough time..."
Mario: "Do...do you wanna talk about it?"
To be continued.
Book O' Spells: The Life and Times of Lady Ravendancer Goth
The Shadow Over Newcrest - Revised Story Blog
Twists In Time And Space (Updated December 2nd 2018. New discord server!)
Bob Bobson (Updated August 12th 2019)
So Mario and Bob stayed up all night writing material for Bob's show.....Then the next day stayed up all night again, writing new material because the jokes they wrote for Bob at first were.....Oh boy he'd be canceled in a heartbeat. Anyways, now it's time to get to Bob's show and-OH SNAP IS THAT A FESTIVAL GOING ON?!
Mario: "Finally! Time to get my guitar on and make some money!"
Mario: "After this talent less chick is done."
Mario: "Anyways, here's Wonderwall."
Mario: "PAY ATTENTION TO ME!"
Woman: "Ugh do I have to?"
Mario: "Uhh, I don't need you paying attention to me...."
Okay Bob's show is going to have to wait. Mario's got a date with Lilith.
It was actually going pretty well for a few minutes.
Until Mario and Lilith sat at different tables and flirted with each other from across the room. Don't think I have to tell you that's a mood killer.
Mario: "Okay this date was a waste of time, let's pretend it never happened."
Okay, NOW it's time for Bob's big show and what do you know....
It's the old Prison Guard that smacked Mario around like a ragdoll for 16 years.
Prison Guard: "Please don't tell people how I live my life outside of prison."
Bob: "Hey everyone, glad to be here! Got a good joke about a Priest and a Rabbi!"
Mario: "NOT THAT JOKE! TOO OFFENSIVE!"
Bob: "Hey, how about that local sports team? Pretty bad am I right?"
Mario: "Much better!"
Mario: "Sweet buttery Jesus, this show might actually be funny!"
That's when Nancy Landgraab showed up, giving Mario quite the look.
Nancy: "Okay I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm in need of loving, and if you've ever seen Geoffrey you'd know that I'm into out of shape men."
Mario: "Not gonna lie, this is probably the best way a woman has broken the ice with me."
Bob: "Oh no, Mario! It's that guy who beat me up the other day!"
Mario: "Excuse me Ma'am, I need to go defend Bob's honor."
Bad Hair Guy: "You can't defend what he doesn't have!"
Mario: "How dare you, Bob has honor! Not a lot, but there's some honor there, I'll kill you for that!"
And then he gave him the ol' Shoryuken.
Mario: "Man, no wonder why people keep beating us up, that felt great."
Bob: "I'll be here all week folks, and so will Mario if you have any complaints about my comedy again!"
Mario: "Not gonna lie, that show went pretty well."
Bob: "Yeah, it was a good One Two punch there. I make 'em laugh and you beat the people who didn't laugh! This could be an excellent business strategy."
Next day Mario went to the Landgraab mansion because....he's just so gosh darn lonely.
Nancy: "Good you're here, bed now."
Mario: "Mama Mia."
Mario: "Wahoo!"
Nancy: "It's 'Woohoo' you nincompoop."
Mario: "So was that as good for you as it was for me?"
Nancy: "Yeah sure, now go out the backdoor so none of my neighbors see you."
To Be Continued.
It has been 2 weeks since Mario has become the boytoy of Nancy Landgraab, and if you excuse me, I'm going to go vomit after writing that down! Anyways, here comes Mario strutting in after another rendezvous with Mrs Landgraab.
Bob: "Boy Mario, you sure have been busy every night for the last couple weeks. What have you been up to?"
Mario: "Well I'll have you know, Nancy Landgraab and I have entered a mutually beneficial agreement where we......well I guess I could've just said 'Friends with Benefits' to explain it easier."
Bob: "Wow, sounds cool."
Mario: "NO IT ISN'T! She yells at me and insults me the entire time!"
Bob: "Meh, I mean it could be worse. You're over there sleeping with a billionaire with a 6/10 face with a 10/10 body. You could be me instead, doing comedy, sleeping on a couch alone with an itchy Afro."
Mario: "You're right Bob, it could always be worse. I could be Bob Pancakes."
Bob: "That's rig-Hey wait a minute!"
Later that day, Mario spotted a protest going on outside his apartment.
Of course Mario had to get involved in it.....Wait, what are they protesting for?
Mario: "WHAT DO WE WANT?! No I'm seriously, what do we want?"
Protesters: "EQUAL RIGHTS FOR CANNIBALS!"
Mario: "YEAH! WHEN DO WE WAN-"
Mario: "Wait what?"
Well, Mario doesn't want anything to do with that. But he'll still take any chance to play his guitar in public.
Oh no, It's Nancy. Hope she doesn't know Mario is there.
5 minutes later.....She found him.
Mario: "Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahoo!"
Bob: "I seem to have walked in during the middle of intercourse! This'll make for a funny joke!"
Another job well done for Mario.
Mario: "I'll tell you Bob, it ain't easy being me."
Bob: "I got mugged today."
Later that night, Luigi of all people called up Mario and wanted to get together with him....for some reason inviting him to a film museum.
Mario: "What.....what's even the point of this?"
Luigi: "You know what? This place certainly isn't our style anyways."
Luigi: "Now I know where we can go for some classic Mario Bros fun."
Mr Tiny: "Don't mind me, just broke out of prison."
And so the Mario Bros went to the bar with Mr Tiny!
Mr Tiny: "Man, this is going to be fun. I haven't had a good drink since I strangled that Sushi chef!"
Bartender: "Should I be worried?"
Mr Tiny: "For your very life!"
Boy, a lot of people showed up to the bar tonight. It's a real hotspot!
Luigi: "Ladies ladies please, there's plenty Luigi to go around."
Mario: "Mama Mia, I sure did spend too much money on these drinks!"
Meanwhile Mr Tiny had about 7 or so drinks.........
Joaquin: "Like watch the hair dude!"
Luigi: "Should we be worried?"
Mario: "Not sure, this could go either way."
CRRRRRACK
Mario: "Alright, be worried."
Well Mr Tiny is breaking necks, that means it's time to leave.
Candy: "Never witnessed a murder before! This is so exciting!"
Then everyone went outside and merged into the ultimate being.
Grim: "Geez Mr Tiny, been out of prison for 10 minutes and already have a body count?"
Mr Tiny: "I know, I'm a bit rusty these days."
Mario: "So.....you're not going to tell Peach about this right?"
To be continued.
Book O' Spells: The Life and Times of Lady Ravendancer Goth
The Shadow Over Newcrest - Revised Story Blog
Twists In Time And Space (Updated December 2nd 2018. New discord server!)
Bob Bobson (Updated August 12th 2019)