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Between2Worlds [Story] 06/04

Comments

  • ThePlumbobThePlumbob Posts: 4,971 Member
    @mercuryfoam Oh noooo :bawling: I'm so sorry, that blows! Fingers crossed you get to go soon!
  • mercuryfoammercuryfoam Posts: 1,140 Member
    @ThePlumbob Thanks! I hope so too.
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  • MonaSolstraaleMonaSolstraale Posts: 965 Member
    @mercuryfoam I wish you a really nice holiday with your family :)
    I look forward to being able to reunite fairly safely with my siblings again.
    I've only seen them individually very few times since this ❤️❤️❤️❤️ pandemic started so I can follow your emotions.
    Enjoy! <3
  • MonaSolstraaleMonaSolstraale Posts: 965 Member
    @ThePlumbob
    Thanks! About that.. gov just informed us that they're reinstating lockdowns about an hour or so ago. I guess I'm not going anywhere. O well. :sweat_smile:

    Oh no! That's sad.
    I see that my greeting seems a bit out of place now.
    It's getting better someday :/
  • mercuryfoammercuryfoam Posts: 1,140 Member
    @MonaSolstraale Thanks Mona. It's still great to receive your wishes. I'll just keep them for when someday arrives, as they will. :smile:
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  • mercuryfoammercuryfoam Posts: 1,140 Member
    edited April 29
    Hi guys! Some funfacts before we dive in!

    #1. Chapters 5.5 to 5.9 were almost named "A Day In the Life of <xx>" . That's why they revolve around mostly side chars.
    #2. These chapters all happened on the same day.
    #3. You do not need to remember side-side-side char names. :joy:

    Ch 5.6 Alliances: Trevor Jeong Pt 1
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  • DeafSimmerDeafSimmer Posts: 4,077 Member
    @mercuryfoam
    The subtitles/captions on the screenshots made me think of movies and tv shows. Very good storytelling as usual.
  • AudreyFldAudreyFld Posts: 6,646 Member
    Oh Lordy.. Things are quickly heating up! Poor Eva.
  • mercuryfoammercuryfoam Posts: 1,140 Member
    @DeafSimmer
    I'm glad you enjoy it. Thanks for reading!

    @AudreyFld
    Poor Eva. I agree. She's having such a bad time.. :(
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  • mercuryfoammercuryfoam Posts: 1,140 Member
    Ch 5.6b Alliances: Everybody Knows Pt2

    In hindsight, I should've done this differently. But I've already written this and made close to 20 edits and am too tired to redo! Apologies.
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  • AudreyFldAudreyFld Posts: 6,646 Member
    Ch 5.6b Alliances: Everybody Knows Pt2

    In hindsight, I should've done this differently. But I've already written this and made close to 20 edits and am too tired to redo! Apologies.

    This was an an intense chapter with amazing shots. Never apologize! Also, I think I’ve lost my mind. I thought I posted a comment on WP last chapter but it’s not there..... i went back to read it. Duh. I must be losing my mind. 😭😭😭.
  • mercuryfoammercuryfoam Posts: 1,140 Member
    @AudreyFld
    I checked my spam folder and it wasn't there. I'm not sure what happened either. :( Also, forgive. I couldn't decide whether to revive this story thread because Athena's chapter onwards might not be forum friendly. So I had an indecisive moment of whether I should reply and bump the thread. Finally made a choice! :sweat_smile:

    Hi guys! Just an update that when the spotlight hits certain chapters, I won't link those on the forums. (for reasons y'all know!) I'll post a random pic from game instead. Somehow, this makes sense to me :lol:

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    mini-Diane & mini-Trevor playing chess
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  • SnowBnuuySnowBnuuy Posts: 729 Member
    Sorry I haven't been reading for a while, things have been tough with work/family stuff and I haven't had time to keep up with everything. I'm putting this comment here since I've been having issues commenting w/Wordpress of late- either it won't let me post on certain blogs, or it considers me spam XC My thoughts on Chapter 7:
    I really like the manga layout for the previous Taking down Fisheye chapter. Seems things are going alright for Athena at school now, but I feel the joy won't last. I had a feeling Curt was involved in dealing back in one of the earlier chapters. I wonder why the tulips are a bad thing for Curtis? Some sort of bad association maybe? Oop I see Kian's dad is back. He really doesn't miss anything does he? Notices every little thing. I really like one of the shots in 7.4 of the angle looking up at Masato- really captures that creepy and domineering feel.
    Queen of text-walls.
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  • mercuryfoammercuryfoam Posts: 1,140 Member
    @SnowBnuuy
    Thanks. Glad you like the pictures and layout. No worries. Sounds like its crunch time for a lot of us. Hold on to your predictions. The answers to them are right around the corner.

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    Curtis and I are in sync with our computer woes this week, except I don't have the skills to figure out mine. :lol:
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  • DeafSimmerDeafSimmer Posts: 4,077 Member
    @mercuryfoam
    The way Roidh was speaking to Athena, I almost wanted to believe that he has a good heart. That he wanted to help Athena. But he might have darker motivations. I can't wait to see what happens next.
  • mercuryfoammercuryfoam Posts: 1,140 Member
    edited May 23
    @DeafSimmer
    Ahh you don't trust him either? Seems like everyone isn't trusting of Roidh for some reason. :lol: You're right, he might have a good heart or he might have darker motivations. Not too long until we find out.
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  • SnowBnuuySnowBnuuy Posts: 729 Member
    edited May 26
    Wordpress is a melt and doesn't like me commenting on your blog for some reason, so here I am again XD Time for Chapter 8, 9, 10 and 11! (For your sanity I've reduced it all to bullet points of ‘cool stuff’ ‘hmmmms(speculations) and other stuff:)
    Cool stuff I like:
    - Untamed magic is completely forbidden in your universe
    - First Elder Morgyn Ember sounds like some cool DnD thing and I love it
    - that Untamed magic generally needs a sacrifice for its great power
    - Morgyn seems terrifying in this portayal and I'm all for it
    - the shot of all 3 Sages walking towards the portal is really nice
    - Casual picnic with Grim Reaper, still one of my fave portrayals
    - 'Red Decade' scenes were amazing, great horror description of what happened, pic of Morgyn on the red star shape on the floor is amazing but horrifying
    - 'a cause to seek power until power corrupts them.'- Yes, Athena may want that power for good intentions, but what will it do to her after?

    Other thoughts:
    - Avery mentions trading a 'high price' for magic. I reckon it was Athena's father might have been the trade-off, will drive a wedge between them if she finds out.
    - Feel like Athena's saving one person leads to the death of another, 'cause and effect' (Seems Grim confirmed)
    - Now she'll have to think twice about saving people, a lot of weight on her shoulder
    - Who is Grim if he was once human?
    - What happens to the exploited underage girls...I feel awful for them

    Chapter 9 (Skipped Mercy pt.1 since it was before bed at the time and didn't want to give my anxious brain bad nightmares)


    - I’m wondering how Athena’s actions at the end of 9.1 might change things. If she has prevented a possible death again, who will die in place of them? Still I don’t blame her for doing what she did; if I had Deliriate I’d have done the same thing to save the woman. At the same time though,
    - Grim is right TBH- as much as Athena wants to, she sadly cannot save everyone.
    - It’s easy to blame yourself for not being able to help someone out quick enough. I’m hoping Curtis will be there for Athena, and that Athena will be safe.
    - I did notice a dead man on the news. Unless I have missed something, wondering if this is the man who died in place of the woman Athena saved.

    Chapter 10 and 11

    - Avery must feel...terrible isn’t even the word to describe it. As a parent she’s likely blaming herself for not being there.
    - Christ, manipulative isn’t the word for what Masato is doing to Curtis, seemingly blaming him for what happened to her to push him to be more malleable by Masato...
    - Trouble with the world of crime Curtis is in now, is that there is rarely a safe way out.
    - Athena and Curtis are blaming themselves and it’s neither of their faults, but then I think as women, we are led to believe that everything is our fault, even for the evil actions of particular men who should know to control themselves better.
    - Athena has a point when she says about how Curtis has spent so long pursuing the guy he’s never really had time to live his life.
    - Scorcher seems as slimy as Masato in this scene, he doesn’t need to physically hit Curtis when he already knows how to manipulate both his mind and Rue’s to get whatever he wants. Cool to see that Kian was one of Curtis’s first friends and how they came to meet, and how Kian started off actually wanting to be a cop like Jules.
    - Masato is so unsettling, but I like how well you write him.
    - I really like the way you wrote the interrogation scene, and I love how well you write Jules’ dialogue as well. Seems both
    - Seeing into Curtis’s life was interesting, but also heartbreaking- the first paragraph especially is powerful, and what he says about people having kids just to inject some emotional connection in their lives. These kids out on the streets, who didn’t get the same opportunities that others did, and who are almost always trapped in their circumstances.

    So far I think these are of my favourite chapters, I can't wait to read more < 33
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  • mercuryfoammercuryfoam Posts: 1,140 Member
    @SnowBnuuy
    Amg. You don’t know how giddy you made me when I popped on the forums and saw your comment. Thank you so much! <3 I can’t stress enough how much this means to me. Really. Oof ok steady, breathe. K I think I can start making sense now. And I didn’t think you needed to change your comment. I loved it in paragraph form. Bullet points are great too but I just hope you don't burn out yourself by rewriting twice!
    Ch8 & 9:
    I’m really happy you like Grim reaper’s portrayal. He’s absolutely quirky and adorable to write about even if I need a dictionary every time I draft his dialogue. He's too sophisticated for me. :joy:
    -I’m not very good at fleshing out lore and really appreciate your pointing out where you liked it. It helps me figure out how to write lore better and what I can focus on. I used gimp to make those Red decade scenes and am happy you like them!

    Other thoughts:
    - Oooh! You perceptive sharpie. I love your theories. Yes. Athena’s father’s death plays a part in this story. What kind of part is up to you to speculate or read! :)
    - You’re right that the overarching theory in B2W is ‘cause and effect’/ chaos theory. Personally I’m not sure if I fully believe in that, but for the sake of this story, it's canon. The power to change things is a responsibility and Athena needs to be aware of that o.o
    - You’ll find out who Grim is c: Speculations are always welcome!
    - You’ll see one of the underaged girls again. At least one of them. ._.
    - Oh.. I don’t have an answer to your wonder about 9.1, but there is a scene in passing that features the woman Athena saved down the line. I don’t blame Athena either for choosing to intervene. It’s an extremely difficult situation to be in. D: Oof you sharpie again! Man on the news is relevant to the story.
    - And I just want to point out too that I wholeheartedly agree with you that Athena has to learn that she cannot save everyone. It’s a hard truth to take especially for caregiver types. Athena sadly is sliding towards that category.

    Ch10 and 11:
    You’re right. Unfortunately I did not feature Avery a lot. I cut a lot of side scenes (Avery’s side plot, school subplot.) But yes, poor Avery. ._.
    Masato is horrible person to deal with.. too much truth in that. We get a glimpse into him later on if you’re interested in his becoming. :sweat_smile:
    “”Trouble with the world of crime Curtis is in now, is that there is rarely a safe way out.””
    Yes. This. So, so much. Thank you for saying this. It is incredibly hard to break out of the world of violence and crime once a person has stepped into it. I’ve tried my hardest to inject a large amount of idealism, but I think you’ve gathered by now that there’s also a strong underlying realism to b2w. Hence my oh-so-appealing fatalistic disclaimers and the strange flitting in-between. :sweat_smile:
    - When a personal tragedy strikes, we are groomed to place the blame on ourselves when it is never the victim’s fault. The blame and decision relies entirely on the perpetrator and I’m so glad you speak out against it.
    - Oh gosh, I know I created Scorcher but he just... I can barely read my own chapters when he’s in it.
    - I’m glad you like Kian and Curtis’s childhood. They’re so adorkable! ^^ Please excuse me. Children makes me all goopy and weird.
    - Thank you so much for penning your thoughts on Curtis’s backstory. It’s heartbreaking to me too that street kids are handicapped even before they’re old enough to understand the hand they’ve been dealt with. And its all round terrible the desperation and despair of those who are in it and don’t know how to break out of it.
    And you're probably bored by me saying this again and again, but thank you! These chapters are the chapters that give me the most worry. I often question if I should have done it a different way, water it down, make it less graphic etc. So I’m thankful that you reach out and let me know how you feel about them. B2W is at times very raw, and I’m not very good at gauging where I should draw the line or what I should disclaimer and rely on others to point me in the right direction. So thank you again for being truthful and thank you so much for reading! :) You made my day so much!
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  • mercuryfoammercuryfoam Posts: 1,140 Member
    Hi Everyone. We're down to the second last chapter of Chapter 5 and I know we've had some pretty frustrating sub-chapters of late and I'm sorry to say that I've saved the 'best' for last. :sweat_smile: I recommend a nice cup of tea and some nice grooves after ^^;; . Thank you for reading!

    5.8 The Game Pt 1
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  • DeafSimmerDeafSimmer Posts: 4,077 Member
    @mercuryfoam
    Does Curtis still like Athena? And wow, Curtis and Kian had such a fall-out.
  • SnowBnuuySnowBnuuy Posts: 729 Member
    edited May 28
    Thoughts on the rest of Chapter 11 until about halfway through Chapter 15:
    Chapter 11 and 12:
    I feel bad for Curtis, already in the crime scene by such a young age. Lucian has a point when he talks about some people taking advantage of their power, and being 'above the law'. But he defo is not on the moral high ground he thinks he's on. Good on Rue for sticking up for Curtis, but what Lucian does to her is utterly atrocious. I really wish there was a way out of the criminal life for Curtis, but I don't think there is one where he's still alive. Glad Curtis and Athena have comfort/support in each other, but I feel like her swooping in to help out at the light-house is gonna cause another 'cause and effect' death. Really love the 'Three Dark Acolytes' poem and also I am DIGGING this dark interpretation of the three Sages. SO MUCH. Wondering if or when they'll return since the poem mentions it. Grim in the distance is spooky...Maybe he's warning Athena not to mess with fate. Kian's excitable question-bomb upon learning Athena was a spellcaster was brilliant.

    Chapter 13 and 14 (and a bit of 15):
    Magic shield is pretty cool, I'm hoping Kian doesn't die ;o; Glad Athena isn't dead, but I really thought she was for a sec. I'm wondering if this Grim is Athena's dad, but who has been a Reaper for so long he has forgotten (or maybe is hiding?) his identity. The splitting headache from back when I last thought she died, explains it, seems Grim got into her head and 'bound' with her in a way. So is Athena technically part reaper now? And so she can't die from what I understand or am I missing something? It's really cool you know how to make your own poses! Especially for the comic style chapters. The 'I'm so used to seeing you smile that I can't imagine you sad' was a simultaneously adorable and heartbreaking line. So I had no speculation on who Curtis's bio father could be.

    It's good to see some more backstory with Kirino and Masato, and that they had a young son who died. So Masato thinks that Thayne screwed them over from what I gather, and accuses his 'fraternising with the enemy' as being the reason his young son died. I can see Kirino's point in the Phoenixes and Cranes chapter; they are taking care of Thayne's kid when, in their eyes, he let their son die. Still, that said, whatever Curtis's dad did isn't Curtis's own fault. WOAH Masato, just as I thought we saw a different side to him, he nonchalantly offers to just off Curtis if Kirino wants it to happen. Blaze has a point- Masato isn't targeting Athena, but honestly, I don't think that's anything to do with 'family' as Blaze says- at least, not in the loving, 'found family' sense of the word- crime families are nothing like that. Masato is likely keeping Athena alive because either a) he's got bigger fish to bigger fish to fry or b. because a spellcaster might be a good addition to his crime family. He still strikes me as the kind who will play anyone, even his own partner ('two can play at that game'). Oooooof, that scene where Masato catches Kirino saying to Curtis he could have just left...

    I'm glad Athena didn't burn her diary, she can now see how much has changed since then (even if all of the changes haven't been for the better, she's learned more about herself and found some sort of kinship with someone else.) Grim popping up out of nowhere and whimsically talking about her being in love was brilliant XD Aaand we're off to the Magic Realm! I wonder if a Potion of Good Fortune does actually make you lucky, or if it's more like it makes you think you are luckier and just changes your mood/outlook for a bit.

    Loving it as always, I am very invested in this story now as you can tell. : P I'm looking forward to -
    Seeing what happens with the return of the Sages, seeing (if my theory is right) Avery explaining sacrificing her father to Athena, and also what words Masato will have for Kirino after what happened. (Maybe looking forward to is the wrong word. Excited to read what happens, terrified by the possible events that may play out XD)

    Chapter 15 and half of 16:
    The description of Avery’s magic sounds just like how I envision Untamed to be-raw, powerful and drawn from nature. Grim confirmed that : p WOOOOAH one second- she resurrected her husband, but...sacrificed her own daughter so her life is a constant sequence of terrible events? God, that’s just...awful. But I thought Athena’s dad died and is still dead? Or is he secretly brought back? Now another thing to ‘look forward’ to in the sad sense- that bombshell being dropped on Athena.

    I love the bat! Also I like that the spells have extra bits on the incantations as well. Minionise... I literally swore to myself in shock when I found out that Avery was part of Morgyn’s bloodline. I did have a slight feeling since she can use Untamed magic and it seems rather uncommon in this universe. Wowie, what an amazing and terrifying twist... If Morgyn comes back from the dead, I dread to think what will happen... What a before-bed twist : O

    That facial shot of Morgyn is so darn eerie. I find in-game when they’re completely straight-faced they look really unnerving. Oh god oh no here goes X_X I love that each caster’s magic can be traced back to them somehow. Okay so this is just the guardian of his tome but ohh my gosh I already love your dark portrayal of him so so much. I think this might already be my favourite portrayal of Morgyn in any other story. The trade-offs for dark magic are never worth it, it seems. I looove the spell effects during the fight scene. YESSS when her eyes glow and the wand glows red. This is probably all worrying stuff but this is all so cool. Woooah Athena? Fourth sage? : O

    That shot where you can see the candles glow off Morgyn’s face is just chilling. Oh no, I feel like Athena will have to trade off Curtis somehow to keep this power. Oh okay so she traded Batty. I love Batty. But I did worry it’d have to be Curtis. Wait, she took Batty back? I feel like this can’t be good.

    I get why Athena feels so angry towards Grim since it’s an accomplishment and he told her it no longer existed, and alsp because she wants a reason to protect herself after all that has happened- but IMO Grim is right, the dark arts are a slippery slope. At first it may be to protect herself, but then it is probably way too easy down the line to just cast Inferniate on someone for putting too much milk in your tea : p

    Oh wait, she traded her memories of Curtis? He’s going to be heartbroken if she doesn’t even remember who he is...The comic interlude is wild X_X so much death...Also I am gathering that Athena read her diary wondering who Curtis was? Maybe? Ohh so I think near the end, Athena was told the truth by her mother...I can’t imagine how much it hurt to find out.

    Chapter 16

    If Curtis doesn’t kill Lucian I will do it personally! He’s vile, worse than vile, I hope he’s dealt with somehow. Wait, what? So Lucian survived the fall and Curtis didn’t? Oh god no I hope not...

    Kian is probably really freaked out by Athena’s sudden change in attitude and not having a clue who Curtis is. It’s sad really, all the memories they made together gone, and now her personality is more like the one we saw before the two met.

    I don’t think the personality change was ‘jarring’ like other people were saying. I could see why her change was so sudden. As well what’s written in the Author’s Note, the way I see it, if she does not remember Curtis then she will likely unlearn all their relationship taught her, and she would probably revert to the kind of person she was before meeting him- angry, feeling betrayed (double cuz of what Avery admitted) and alone in the world. Nothing jarring about it, IMO.
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  • mercuryfoammercuryfoam Posts: 1,140 Member
    edited May 28
    @DeafSimmer
    Ooh good question!
    If Curtis were to answer if he still likes Athena, he’d say “<expletive> no!” :sweat_smile: But it’s up to you to decide if he’s lying or telling the truth, or thinks he’s telling the truth! :lol: Kian and Curtis’s relationship makes me super sad. :( I hope things turn out for the better.

    @SnowBnuuy
    <3 SnowBnuuy you’re spoiling me!
    Chapter 11 – 15
    Ahh, I see you have the gift of clairvoyance! And I can say this freely because you’ve continued to read on. :D I hope you found the story entertaining even if you were able to see the trainwreck that it was heading towards. :sweat_smile: Ahh I’m glad you like the Sages’ interpretation! I think it’s near impossible for corruption to be contained if it didn’t at one point, get out of control. At least there’s some normalcy at the moment!

    Omg no…! Here’s my weakness, I absolutely adore kids. I know they’re teens but they’re babies in my eyes so if Kian dies I’d be :bawling: I love your speculations on Grim’s identity. You’re so so close to finding out who he is! Oh gosh your theories! I love them. I can’t say anything except hold your theories close. Nothing goes to waste ^^ Thank you very much. The storyteller in me demanded the story to head a certain way, and me being a visual person, so poses is the only way forward.
    You’re right to point out Masato’s… disregard to Curtis’s life. And Blaze’s interpretation on their family values may not be the entire picture, too true.
    Athena writing in her diary is for me, one of my most treasured chapters. It showed how far she’s become as a person - from the teenage angsty self and being angry at the world, closed off even from her own mom, to this healthier, hopeful and kinder person. :bawling:
    Ooh that’s such a neat interpretation of what a Potion of Good Fortune could do! I never even thought about that. I simply made luck a thing in this simuniverse. That’s a neat idea to explore. :D

    Ch 15-16
    Thank you very much! Avery was trying to undo her mistake by resurrecting Nolan, but Nolan died again that night itself. Sorry for the confusion. He’s still very much dead. You’re right about that huge bomb that will be dropped on Athena

    Yay, fellow Bat lover! We have tons of bats here. So many that they’ve been consistently tripping our power during summer. (It’s winter now) Sorry for weird tangent.

    Oh I agree with you so much. Morgyn’s resting face is quite unnerving. He doesn’t need to do any posing at all. Aww thank you. ^^ The spell effects are all in game effects. Thank you!

    Aw, I love that you understood why Athena was crushed at Grim and can see his perspective too. LOL inferniate someone for putting too much milk in their tea. :joy: That oh dear… I need to breathe. It’s so horrible but hilarious at the same time!

    Oh you’re spot on about the events in the interlude. I’m glad you got all that and that it’s not too confusing. Sorry about the blood x.x I’m not a gore person myself. I can’t imagine being a reader and facing all that.

    Chapter 16
    Lucian didn’t survive the fall! Thank goodness because I don’t want to see or write about him again! Sorry that it’s unclear! xD

    Ah I’m glad her regression and 180 degree turn in character made sense to you. Her and Curtis's relationship is so precious. She learnt so much about herself through it. Even if she had therapy, it would be disjointed and unrelatable if a large part of her memories are stripped away. You’re right that she has reverted to who she was before – the loneliness, angst and betrayal. :bawling: My poor girl. I'm such an ebil watcher. :sweat_smile:

    Thank you so much for taking the time to comment so detailed and deep! I love hearing your thoughts. :blush:
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  • SnowBnuuySnowBnuuy Posts: 729 Member
    edited May 28
    @mercuryfoam
    Ohh, okay. When I saw the Reaper, I thought he'd come for Curtis ;o; And no need to worry about the blood, I don't have an issue
    < 3 I've had to digitally paint it a bit on some of my own work.

    Halfway through Chapter 16, right up until the very end ;-;
    The marked difference this time for me is that yes Curtis was wrapped up in some heavy stuff, but I think he was a good influence on Athena and he was the first person she met who seemed to just 'get it'. On the other hand Trevor seems to be pushing her towards the sots of things that Curtis probably would have done his best to keep her away from. Seeing him swoop in at the end is a cool touch, but...I am really not looking forward to his reaction to Athena not recognising him at all. What if she thinks Curtis is the 'enemy' or something?

    I can imagine how the start of 16.4 must be for Athena- of course, Curtis having no idea what's going on but Athena's probably thinking 'who's this stranger kissing me and saying he missed me?' Yess, I knew that in the Interlude Athena was reading her diary like 'Oh, who's Curtis?' Something I love about your story is how well you can tell a story even when that part of the story has no words < 3 it's bittersweet that Curtis understands that she doesn't feel for him due to her forgetting about him.

    Although that said, I'm wondering if that's the case since what happens after that part is just... Athena mentions either earlier in this chapter, or the last, that she feels everyone is making the decisions for her (or something like that). She even says she's not sure if they should be acting like a couple and that she doesn't feel that way for him because of forgetting. Then he carries on anyway, sensing the 'halfheartedness in her resistance' and 'he made the choice for her'. Considering he knows what happened to her, makes the situation a lot worse as well. If someone I loved was intoxicated, or unsure in any way about making that kind of progress in a relationship- I would not engage in it, at all. Especially with a history like Athena's, double especially if I sense that they are resisting! With these actions he seems as slimy as Trevor was.

    Okay, last chapter time!

    Grim Reaper VS Aspect of First Elder Morgyn Ember is a battle that would be amazing to see. Love that Grim just sasses him. 'You have grown to care for the girl’s wellbeing, enough to sacrifice your own'. After what I told you in PMs? Yowch, this line was close to home. Hate to say this but Tome Guardian!Morgyn has a point- it's very easy to burn yourself out caring too much about others. So Grim brought Curtis back to life? HANG ON SO- the Reaper was actually Morgyn Ember? I did not see that coming at all X_X Here's me like WHAT IF MORGYN IS BROUGHT BACK??? and he's been here all along! Just makes my Grim V Morgyn comment hilarious tbh.

    That shot of Kirino leaning on the railing overlooking the ocean is really nice.

    Oh god, so Masato was only imagnining Kirino being saved...I had a feeling maybe she was going to do what she did, with the last rooftop scene. At first, judging by the scene overlooking the sea it gave me the vibe that maybe she had somehow found some clarity, but... as with those kinds of thoughts, they are always eating away at you in one way or another, and trying to lead a normal life whilst the opposite is constantly on your mind is a horrible weight to carry around with you all the time.

    Honestly, with all that's going on between Curtis and Athena, I think a break up would do them both a world of good. Athena needs to work on herself and not worry about Curtis as much, IMO. He's clinging to the past seemingly in very toxic ways given what Curtis did back when he made advances despite him being unsure whether or not she wanted to. Athena wants to stop being controlled by everyone and he made that decision for her, when it was also up to her to decide if that was what she wanted. I also now realise Grim's archaic manner of speech isn't just deathly wiseness, it's because his actual self is someone who died centuries ago. How did I not pick up that Grim was Morgyn? (MorGrim?) Curtis should definitely be repulsed at what he did to her, double especially because he knows what happened to her. Honestly after he did that he can't redeem himself in my eyes.

    To answer the end question of 'Do you think they'll stay together?' the answer is definitely no. Curtis's 'I shouldn't have taken advantage of you' was just...ugh. Especially when Athena starts blaming herself as well, like no, do not blame yourself for what he did. Athena would be much better far, far away from both Trevor and Curtis.

    Really liked all the twists and turns of this story so far, it was an enjoyable read and I like hearing your feedback on my thoughts. < 3
    Post edited by SnowBnuuy on
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  • mercuryfoammercuryfoam Posts: 1,140 Member
    edited May 29
    @SnowBnuuy You’ve made it to the end! Congratulations! I have to say this because imo, anyone who makes it to the end without keeling over is a champion! And as always, thank you! ^^
    You’re too right in calling out the difference between Curtis and Trevor’s outlook. Curtis has hard ‘nos’ given the severity of his experiences whereas Trevor is more laid back towards experimentation. Their priorities and views are so apart from each other’s.

    Grim Vs Morgyn is not hilarioius at all! In fact, it’s pretty much canon in this sim-universe. We all have parts of ourselves that we battle constantly. Imo Grim and Morgyn reflect that in some ways. ^^ Yes! I modelled Grim’s manner of speaking to reflect the era that Morgyn passed away in, so early 1800s. No worries about not picking up who Morgyn was. This story is pretty much a big experiment for me. It’s my first creative writing 10 or so years after quitting the school system and I'm sure you must've noticed the inconsistent writing styles and random experiments. Maybe with more practice I could’ve laid the clues better but ah well. It is what it is! :)

    Oh dear. Yes. You are right and it’s amazing that you picked up on the reason why Kirino’s most vulnerable moments coincidentally happen on rooftops. Her choice isn’t a spur of the moment decision and is definitely a weight she was shouldering around.

    Athena-Curtis:
    I can’t commend enough how fair you are that you see Curtis’s efforts in understanding Athena, but also call out where he could’ve done better. I have a stronger word than slimy for what transpired in this chapter and I like that you’re being so kind even as he digs a bigger hole for himself. :lol: Too right that Athena has a right to her own bodily autonomy and Curtis should’ve respected that. I wished very much to change this moment of their story even as I was writing it, but I had to stay true to them. Athena was uncertain over who she is or what she should be while Curtis was battling loss, grief and betrayal, neither did he have any healthy role models nor any form of emotional guidance throughout his life. They were both caught up in the heat of the moment as most teenagers are prone to.

    I’d like to disclaimer that I’m not making excuses for any of their actions. I think it’s human to make mistakes, even big ones, but what’s more important to me is what they do after they realise it.

    I agree that there is a world of good to be acquired if they both went their ways. We learn a lot about ourselves both in and out of a relationship and they’re both so young anyways. :smiley:

    I’m glad the story is still enjoyable for you regardless of its noir-ish romance :wink: Thank you so much! B2W in all its grim and grimy un-glory has a special place in my heart and it feels great to share ideas and thoughts on it. ^^

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  • SnowBnuuySnowBnuuy Posts: 729 Member
    edited June 1
    @mercuryfoam:

    First off I apologise for posting four days' worth of commenting in this post and apologise for the essay XD
    The only reason I overuse 'awful' and 'slimy' is because the exact words I have for his (and also Trevor's) behaviour are against the rules to use on this forum! Otherwise I'd have much stronger words! And it's fine, don't worry! I understand from our discussions in PMs and from the way you've written everything, that you're not acting like what Curtis did was excusable in any way. It's the sort of thing you'd expect to come up in a noir-ish story like this one. The pair of them have a boatload of issues and nobody really to support them through all that has happened, and seeing as both of them are missing a father in some way, less people growing up to teach you moral values and confidence and such. (Especially so in Curtis's case given being in the crime circle).

    I am not saying this to excuse Curtis's actions, but the way I see it, the crime world Curtis grew up in is a likely influence for his behaviour there. After all we've seen how much the folks in that circle value consent (not much) in the previous chapters. The reasoning I have in my head for Athena's seemingly-blaming-herself for what happened back in 16.4 is, alongside what you were saying: the fact that we, as women, internally blame ourselves for everything, because we are often taught not to fight back or speak out or we'll get accused of being 'over the top' or 'hysterical', especially when it involves not giving a guy what he wants. Years of being told to keep quiet will have that affect on you, where it's easier to keep quiet than speak your mind which makes you feel crushingly guilty or as if you're doing something wrong. It's easy to not know what you want or the decent treatment that you deserve, when everyone has been pushing you about and controlling you your entire life.

    As for them splitting; yeah it really would do them both a world of good. Navigating the world as a teenager is a horrible thing and to survive in the hostile world of constant judgment that teenagers live in, sometimes it's honestly easier to just cut yourself off for a bit just to be away from other people and to focus on yourself.

    Onto Part Two! Chapter 1:
    Woah those folks in the masks creeped out real good. Who are these people, and who is Lathar? Eva looks cool and with her hair and red dress, very fitting for the sort of noirish air of the story. Already she seems like the cheery, playful sort, very different from the other characters we've seen, and people like that don't survive in a world like this one. Either they die, or they get reduced to a psychological mess by the world around them. Oh, she's in for a big surprise when she realises just how real magic is! Omg I love her 'duck lips' when she's sad or surprised XD

    Eric has a point when he says about how laws that supposedly deal with stuff like that, can easily be misused against anyone even minorly suspected with no proof that they've been part of any crime. So by the looks of things, what went down at the light-house has made a lot of people afraid of magic, whilst other people think magic doesn't exist anyway. If that's what the White Wraiths are doing, hunting down magic-users isn't going to solve anything, IMO. It's only going to worsen tensions that have risen from what happened. The way I see it, owning the power of magic is probably the same as owning anything else that could cause potential harm. If they're going to hunt down all magic users because they might be dangerous, then are they going to go after everyone with a kitchen knife too?

    Gabriella seems nice enough, but also I feel like the dreamworld of romance novels she's been living in are going to give her a lot of expectations when it comes to relationships, and real-life relationships are very different than the ones in the 'idealised' stories she probably reads. Similar to Eva, I feel this world and the people in it will not be kind to her. Dew's comment regarding Curtis and red-heads make me think he's trying to find a replacement Athena, which means if he and Gabriella did date she'd probably get used or not treated properly anyway. Still wondering if there's more to Isias, or if there's a reason he's always so quiet and seemingly anhedonic. I thought in the Prologue it looked kinda like a sort of alien gun, but oh, no, Eva got caught...

    Woah, what just happened? Did she just sort of...magic-blast everybody and freeze time? Or did Isias do that? So no-one there is dead, and now we see why Isias was so quiet all that time... I actually like that funky coloured wallpaper in 1.7 : P And now Eva can see that magic is real...things are going to get interesting.

    Part 2 Chapter 2 and 3
    So Isaias is from a completely different world altogether? And they also have their own Sages. And they are after the Aelrendths due to the way they follow Morgyn. Despite the fact magic is normal to us readers because part 1, I forgot for a moment that this would all sound like some fantasy story to Eva : p So on top of the White Wraiths being an issue there’s also the Aelrendths. I wonder how Athena will tie into all this, if Isaias and his kind will go after her?

    Ohhh speak of the devil, there she is! I was wondering when she’d meet Eva. Even she can tell there’s a lot going on on the inside with Athena. Honestly I love Eva so far, and I love her expressions as well : p Athena is right, Eva needs to realise that not all casters are dangerous.

    Tinfoil hat time: Eva’s red dress, her hairstyle and colour, her surname having Ember in it. In those ways she definitely resembles Morgyn, I’m wondering if there’s a connection there...Things don’t look good, especially the eerie photo with Nathan and the blood-red ink.

    Ares all grown up... I see that she probably looks like a crazed stalker fan when she says about flying all the way to the memorial, but it looks like someone has been keeping the graves pristine. And already we see the change in Eva that has occured thanks to all that has happened, I feel bad for her. I really like the part where she says to Nathan if magic really does exist, it’s an interesting shift of character when a skeptical character comes to see that something they thought didn’t exist, does exist. Nathan’s response about the outhouse made me laugh : p It’s good that he can make her laugh, but I feel like he will end up caught up in all this mess. I still feel like Eva has some kind of dormant magic ability, somewhere.

    Guardian is back! This scene with the orchestra is really good, especially how Athena just seems proud of her brother, but Guardian sees it as her brother and his power and control over them, and how it’s reflective of their ‘Lord’. I honestly cannot wait until Morgyn returns in corporeal form, so much terrible stuff will happen if it does but I absolutely love this portrayal of the character because it’s so fitting. Also Crescendo is a fitting chapter and the orchestra works as a sort of symbol for the growing tensions in the story as well. I wonder who’s watching Athena? White Wraiths?

    Oh god, the White Wraiths have shown up...The witch’s design is really cool, eerie but cool. Lucky Athena didn’t use her magic on him then, since as far as this guy is aware she’s not a magic user. I still think they’re misguided, they should go after the evil spellcasters instead of trying to stomp out magic anywhere and everywhere. I really love the anime style fight scene and also where the White Wraith gets fed up of her speech and just tells her to be quiet : p okay Rai’s advanced technology is awesome though. I’m guessing Cs are a measure of magical power?

    The blood magic descriptions and how it works is so gloriously gruesome. Woah, Athena is even more powerful than I thought ;O; And now the eerie guy with the pointy ears has found her...This is terrifying ;O; Although she is an Aeldrenth isn’t (forgive misspelling) she’s not (yet) power hungry like the others. (Never mind, she’s apprently not either according to Roidh.) Interesting he claims to have supported Morgyn before he was consumed by Untamed magic when he seems to be that way himself. Some of the images in this chapter wouldn’t load for me, so sorry if I missed anything in my comments- but Athena’s new hair suits her!

    Idk how people do wordless chapters so well ;O; I also love the ritual circles, I just love them because they’re cool and creepy. So Roidh can raise the dead using just a heart? Eva and Nathan cuddling up is pretty cute. Also I love when it looks like they’re watching a scary movie and she jumps on his lap XD Okay I forgot to ask earlier- so can Batty turn into a fox, or has Batty turned permanently into a fox after Athena gave him up? Gabriella I feel should stay away from Curtis, I don’t want someone like her being with someone in the criminal circle. I like the scenes with who I assume is the other White Wraiths around Rai.

    Overall:
    I am really loving Part Two so far and how we get more of the lore of the magic world, it’s so different than any of my own headcanons or other stories I’ve read. It honestly feels like a really cool DnD type thing. And I love the idea of introducing a more bubbly character like Eva into the mix, although it is sad that she likely will not say that way for long in this world : (

    EDIT: okay I am caught up!
    Part 2 Chapter 4

    That red potion looks like it would taste awful X_X Brenna seems very on-the-ball. She seems pretty ambitious, so I’m wondering if she’s the type who might break the rules to get ahead somehow. Also it seems her ambition is a higher priority than her own bodily needs. As hypocritical as this sounds, she needs to be sure to get sleep so she doesn’t pass out : p YUP there we go, I had my doubts about Iris... Here’s to more magical shenanigans! I’m excited!

    I notice a connection between Eva and Athena by what Nathan says, when he says about her acting hastily and sometimes getting into dangerous situations- Athena wanting to save people, and Eva for the story for her line of work.

    Yikes, that wound from the crystal looked painful... the marking that covers Isaias’s bleeding arm is really cool. I’m glad the crystal got them out of there though. I still think she has some kind of magic in herself somehow. Is that why the spell worked? Ohh okay so it was using the crystal’s magic, wasn’t sure if she had her own power somehow...I like the lore behind the spellweavers and how their manipulation of magic is different. Also I love the fancy Sages’ hall with the three chairs and I love the makeovers of L and Simeon.

    Ohh god, so Athena has a soul manipulating power and that is probably why the Aelrendths are in their world? That’s terrifying... And if she keeps living and dying, she’ll eventually forget who she is?

    Wait hang on- so is Kian a member of the White Wraiths now? I love the poem chapter. I also like the idea of Mischief magic being partially outlawed as well; I’ve always considered Mischief to be potentially just as dangerous as Untamed, but considered less so by other people ‘in universe’.

    The Monsters chapter, the way Roidh talks to her is very manipulative in a way, like he’s trying to make her feel helpless so he can take advantage of her power somehow. He almost comes across as a very eerie ‘father figure’ to other mages sometimes.

    “We’ll create our own sanctuary — our own world where we shan’t be pursued nor persecuted for being different.” Iris soothed. “A place for people like us.” ah, this is relatable to be fair. The world ostracises people like you, so you end up having to create a space away from them, and when you do they accuse you of ‘excluding’ them : 3

    Chapter 5

    Oh God, looks like Dew is going after Eva. I’m wondering how things are going to go, at some point Isaias isn’t going to be with her so she won’t be able to use magic to escape, not unless that crystal might work. I see Trevor got adorable Batty back from the animal shelter! That crystal violin looks so nice.

    Brenna is right to be wary of the White Wraiths, I think. They claim to be acting in the public’s best interests, but I highly doubt that every member of the public wants every mage put to death. It very much comes across as pushing their own agenda and claiming that everyone else would want the same thing. They’re right to be more wary of what magic can do, but as I said earlier, there are plenty of other ways someone could cause massive harm yet they’re not out killing anyone with a firearm or a kitchen knife. So Jules Ellis got transferred all because he wouldn’t join the White Wraiths?

    Okay so I want Eva’s cute pyjama bottoms with the doughnuts, dinos etc. on. Ooh gosh so Brenna is going to question Nathan. My guess is he’s going to probably tell them about Isaias. Ohh, I somehow never remembered Diane from Kian’s circle.

    Although 5.7 is a dark chapter, the shot of Guardian and Athena lying in the grass is nicely done. It’s horrible that she feels that way, that she feels like everything she does makes things worse, not to mention being followed by bad luck everywhere she goes. I hope she doesn’t...She’s far too hard on herself, but I can see why she feels the way she does. The trouble with this mindset is when you’re deep enough in it, no-one can convince you there is any other way and that you are not the terrible person you think you are.

    Roidh’s attitude in the hospital is not helping matters either. That skeleton shot was terrifying X_X now I don’t know how to feel about Roidh. Interesting to know bloodmancy started off as healing magic, and Roidh’s ‘Healing is not a cure...know I am walking alongside you’ line is very true. But tampering with life and death isn’t a good idea. I feel like it’s not good intentions on Roidh’s part. It all feels very manipulative somehow. Other people put it better than me about Curtis and his many faces and the ‘spider’s web’ analogy. The argument between Curtis and Kian is interesting, I thought of the first time they met and became friends then back to this. A lot has happened since then. I can see why Kian feels betrayed since it doesn’t sound like a reunion, more just Curtis looking for info. Almost feels like everyone has sort of become a pawn for him.

    I am really enjoying where the story is going, as the magic and crime worlds grow more tense and start to come together. < 3
    Post edited by SnowBnuuy on
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