What are your thoughts on the story? Likes/dislikes?
What are your thoughts on the writing? Has there been any changes?
I started exploring different mediums. What did you think of the picture sequence? Anything else about the comic?
Is there anything I should know about but am unaware given the nature of the story? (Or anything else?)
Any questions for me? I’m not sure if you want to ask my characters anything at this point, but that’s open too.
I did wonder if Carly and her friend(s) would show up, and I'm glad they did. But couldn't they have waited another five minutes?!? Was Curtis going to kiss her and if so, I can't wait for another moment like that again?! I would've liked to see Athena explain modern art to Curtis, but that was my only "teensy weensy" complaint. Not really a complaint, just a curiosity.
I am concerned about Curtis. I'm worried about his physical health. Smoking isn't good for you, and chain smoking is even worse. And he's constantly in danger. I'm really concerned about his mental health.
I am also infinitely curious. What could possibly be so horrible that he would agree to become a crime boss' lackey at the age of 11? And we still don't know anything about his parents, but the way he reacted to Saavni's death got me thinking. Here's my wild theory.
let's just say I'm a bit angry that Trevor's dad would use Trevor to "loosen up" married women who are bored in order to score clients.
Although, would you be willing to share a bit more about the criminal underworld in this story? The different factions? I assume there is more than one because of Steve or is his group just a street gang? Or what Kirino and Matsuo were after when taking down "Fisheye?"
Kian's dad seemed a bit snobbish when he said "rich kids." Isn't his son attending a fancy "rich kid" school?
I felt sick with her too when she traveled to the dark world that Grim showed her. I wanted to help everyone also. I think she is a bit naive and this was crazy eye-opening for her. I don't think that's a bad thing, but I do worry about how this will impact her decisions going forward. Didn't Grim break his own code showing her these things? I am really worried about Curtis. I like him, but he's super mixed up in things that I do feel Athena should run far far away from but I have a feeling she won't. It's a bit like a waking nightmare, her introduction to what Grim sees. Eek! Well done!
Also it was fascinating that it took 5 reapers to take down Morgyn and capture his soul. I am wondering though if Grim says that he's worried that pieces of Morgyn's soul as still broken and scattered around (possibly), if Morgyn's power is being used to create the chaos in the story and influencing the criminal underworld. I could be totally wrong here, but I wondered. Also I'm beyond convinced that Athena already knows "untamed magic" somehow and that Avery's loss was her husband at the hands of her daughter's untamed magic. Eek! How devastating for Athena! And Avery. And the whole family really.
- Any thoughts or questions on the magic introduction?
I didn't know Athena was such a great spellcaster! Just like that, boom, everything done. I bet you, she’s going to find those banned spells.
- What do you think of Athena’s character here?
Ohhhh, I felt so sad for Athena. I would react the exact same way as she would do, I think (based on me trying to avoid everything that looks shady, like really flying away from it xD). Would be fun tho, to watch it while nobody can see you.
- What do you think of her actions to what she witnessed?
I’m with Grim there. She put herself in a dangerous situation, and for what? Okay, I would be as cringy as Athena if I saw that kind of stuff but please, just go away instead of getting yourself into it! She should’ve just watched and stay invisible.
- Did I handle this chapter appropriately? Was there enough to prepare the reader? What would you change?
For me it was all fine. I’m prepared for everything, hahahah!
- What are your thoughts on Masato?
I can’t read this guy, but he definitely is an interesting person and he know what he wants (and gets it). I would be fricking scary of that guy if he popped up for real.
- Has your impression of Curtis changed?
Not really. I still like him a lot and I adore him for his weakness. I don’t think it comes in handy in the situation he’s in, but that’s another story. I still like him a lot.
- What is your impression of Dew?
Dew wat the pink hair girl, right? I actually think she’s cute and cool xDDDD Is that weird? Given where she’s coming from xD She’s straight to the point, exactly what I like. Yeah, I like Dew.
I HATE Masato. After the revelations of the last chapter I think it's safe to make that statement. How could he do this to Athena? And even Curtis? It's sickening how he literally does anything to gain whatever it is he wants. I can't stand how much power he has.
My impression of Curtis has changed throughout the story for sure. The whole assault chapter was a catalyst for many things. My perspective on Athena changed, as well as Curtis. I outlined my thoughts on Curtis in the last part of chapter 10 on your blog, but I will say here that I feel like he is a victim in all of this too. At first I wasn't sure about him and he seemed mostly cold. After what happened to Athena, I feel like the cold thawed and he tries his hardest to make her feel better in any capacity.
Athena seemed to be doing okay in the first part of chapter 10 but that quickly deteriorated after Dew walked in. Curtis was her safe space and when Dew walked in that whole idea shattered. Athena jumped to conclusions and it was an affirmation that Curtis was a bad guy after all. The only person she trusted through all of this. I think it'll be a long time before Athena can stand on her own two feet again and not depend on someone. I do think it's best for her to lean on her mom though. Athena probably won't come to that conclusion herself but I hope Curtis will and drops her off at home so she can recover, as much as possible, there.
I thought Dew was super pretty. Her potty mouth, as you described it, turned me off from her though. I find cursing that much a real downer, especially for a minor! It's an easy practice to pick up on but it's hard to let go off. Although I do think that's possible. It's probably also a part of the world Dew is in. I was difficult to read her thought process on how to seduce Curtis because she's so young but seems so experienced in the practice already. It's sad.
I think your story is incredibly interesting and unlike any of the other simlits in this thread. I don't read thrillers/mysteries a whole lot in my spare time, but I do like a good thriller so it's nice your story can give me that. It started out slow in comparison to where we are now, but that's obviously the build-up. I didn't expect to be where we are now and what kind of dark turn it would take. I'm loving it so far and I think you're handling the subject of assault very delicately.
I really don't like Curtis' eyes. I noticed how flat and dead doll-like they looked in recent chapters
I think your writing has developed. I read in the comments somewhere it was your first foray into writing and I think you're getting better with every chapter you write.
I was so relieved when I read the comments and I thought the assault hadn't happened and then I got to the next chapter and I discovered it had happened after all. I think you're insanely creative and it shows.
1 How hard was it for you to create the poses for the assault chapter and having to play it out in-game? Would you ever do something like that again?
I'm curious about your own feelings on Curtis. I seem to be in the minority on how he's also a victim in this whole situation. On what side do you stand?
Did you have your whole story planned out at this point? Or did you go with the flow?
AdamsEve1231 wrote: »
I'm just waiting for a bit before I try playing again. My TS4 game broke too.
I have sad news. One of my WordPress sites was hacked. It was bizarre. I logged in and suddenly my home page was a restaurant advertisement and some sub pages were menus or ordering forms. It's so plum and frustrating. (Apparently the forums doesn't like 🌺🌺🌺🌺).
I'm working on fixing it but between that and repairing TS3, I'm not sure if I'll catch up with reading or writing responses or finishing my character pieces. It's like the universe is against me this weekend because my husband's car is having problems and my vacuum broke. Gah!
Okay I'm done ranting. Thanks for listening.
Do you have any specific thoughts about her school life? Her?
I mentioned this in the comment section of your blog (and this will probably be true for a lot of my answers here, haha), but the way that you wrote Athena's first experiences with the social scene at her new school really took me back to my own high school experience. I think it was really well done! Now, about Athena specifically, I think it's a nice change to see her actually being treated rather well at a school, instead of with aggression and disdain. While I think a lot of the students at her school are superficial and/or hung up on their celebrity status, I'm excited to see them being developed more
What do you think of the comic? What spoke to you? What didn't?
The only thing that had me tripping up a little was the visual flow of the comic, but that's on me and not on you; I have occasionally read mangas and I enjoy them, but since I don't read many (and haven't in quite a while), I had trouble following the text at times. But aside from my own slight difficulty reading along, I loved this part.
What impression do you have of Kian?
I've always liked Kian. He is such a breath of fresh air, even from the moment he was introduced in the alley, and I still like him very much. Kian almost felt like he carried the first two parts of the chapter. He was front and center, and most everything Athena did and said was related to him (and you even gave him his own flashback moment to reveal his crush—with that jaw-dropping bait-and-switch reveal there, I'm still sad Trevor's not his crush, haha), and he carried the action of the chapter forward. I think he's a great character. I'm looking forward to more Kian, and he's looking like a whole meal with that brown hair, good thing I'm hungry ehehehehe (his red hair was great and I do miss it, but this brown hair has me feeling a certain kind of way )
What do you think of their time together? Did their development feel natural? How can it be improved?
I loved it! The development between them felt natural and fit in well with the pace of the story. You've established that Curtis is reticent about letting Athena even hang out with them, so seeing him slowly opening up to the point where he's sad and lets her see him without his guard fully up feels like it's a natural progression given how Athena tries to get a peek behind the stone-cold curtain. I was pleased to see the two spending time together, just talking and enjoying each other's company without the immediate threat of aggression or violence looming. Seeing them doing normal, couple-like things together like sharing sweet treats, visiting museums, buying flowers, etc. reminded me that... these two are TEENAGERS and should be able to spend more time like this instead of constantly being involved in darker things. It was almost refreshing to see them have a reprieve from their intense lives and enjoy an afternoon of simple fun. It gives their relationship a nice balance and it allows for moments like the almost-kiss to be even more satisfying because you get the impression that the two have actually grown to be comfortable with each other by doing normal things. I loved this.
What are your thoughts on Curtis at this stage (from Ch6 to 7)? Any predictions? Does his character deter you?
Curtis has proven to be quite sensitive and emotional, I think. There were signs everywhere in these two chapters that Curtis has a deep well of emotions. I love how you set this up! His reactions to Saanvi's murder where he brought up her children, how Kirino was her friend, etc.; him bringing the tulips to her grave; his thoughts about and concern for Athena, and other things. I like seeing this side of Curtis because he's a fascinating character to read about. I'm only ever annoyed by him when he's rude to Athena, because at this point he can see that she's not a "regular" girl and that she's trustworthy. So treat her well, boy!
7.4 shows a different story angle. What do you think of it?
One of the many things I like about your story is that there is a lot going on not only center-stage, but also in the background. You bringing some of those background things to the foreground by showing us Masato and Kirino doing their thing in the bar was very intriguing. I feel like it's almost like a puzzle, a true mystery. There's a lot of characters and details in that storyline, and I'm loving piecing together how things fit in with each other. I liked that you dedicated 7.4 to this side of the story!
Any thoughts or questions on the magic introduction?
As someone who hasn't played with Realm of Magic, I'm curious: is there much of a story in that game pack? I know Morgyn Ember is a character in there, but I don't know anything about him. Did you use him as a base and added your own lore to his character? Or did you build the story about the history of the Aelrendths around his existing story? And this is just a silly thought, but I wonder if his fragmented soul is going to come into play at some point. Kind of reminds me of Voldemort and his Horcruxes :P
What do you think of Athena’s character here?
She comes off as pretty grown up a lot of the time, and then I'm reminded that she's still very young. Especially here, she's learning from Avery and Grim, and then Grim shows her an environment that she's never witnessed before, and we can tell that this affects her a lot. I think an important side effect of learning about the realities of any sort of world, be it our own world or a fictional one in a story, is that there's a moment where you can't go back, where your thoughts on the world can be completely tainted in a way that will always affect your outlook on life. I think that Athena's had a couple moments like this, but Grim showing her Curtis being a part of that awful seedy world is going to heavily affect Athena, and I'm interested to see what effect this is going to have on Athena's character. One thing I was pleased to see, though, is that she still has that initial reaction to help the people going through difficult and dangerous situations. I hope she doesn't lose this!
What do you think of her actions to what she witnessed?
I think Athena is very reactionary. She acts with her heart first, and brain second (or not at all, haha). This is a good thing in certain cases, but Athena is in WAY over her head in this world, and I think she should learn some restraint, especially if she's going to continue to involve herself in these dangerous situations. This comes with maturity, of course, and sadly I think that Athena is now going to understand exactly what the dangers of this world are. Not only to people around her, but also to her, since she's now experienced the horror of being in this world firsthand. I'm heartbroken for her, truly. I hope that, moving forward, she can be a little wiser while living in this world.
Did I handle this chapter appropriately? Was there enough to prepare the reader? What would you change?
I think you handled this chapter exceptionally well. You mentioned in your comments and notes that you've worked with people that have gone through things like this, violence and crime, and I think that your personal experience has helped you in presenting this horrifying episode in Athena's life in a responsible, mature, and powerful manner. It is important to present this sort of event in a way that does not gloss over its importance, and you did that very well. You responsibly prepared the readers for what was about to happen with your trigger warnings and that is so commendable, thank you. Your choice to make both parts of the Mercy section image-only (with only some text overlaid on the pictures in the second part) was a strong one. Sexual assault and violence don't always need to be explained exhaustively in text form; sometimes images are all we need. I'm impressed you made all the poses, that couldn't have been easy at all (emotionally and technically). The image of Athena's tear running down her face especially was powerful and moving for me. I applaud you for both choosing to keep this specific part of your story and presenting in a respectful but moving way.
What are your thoughts on Masato?
I really don't like him, but I respect his hustle. He's obviously VERY street-smart and wise in his field of expertise. He's also cold, calculated, and cunning; he knows how to play everyone like a fiddle, and that's so important for what he does. I'm not surprised that he played Curtis this whole time and that Athena was nothing more than a pawn (OK, I lied; I was surprised Athena turned out to not be important to him at all, I thought there'd be something else to his interest in her), but maaaaaan was I gooped and gagged at his revealing it to Curtis and seeing this slowly dawn on him. A great moment and reveal in the story! So even though I don't like Masato, he's well-written and super interesting to read.
Has your impression of Curtis changed?
Not particularly. We knew he had been involved in Masato's seedy affairs from a young age, and even though it's nice to know that he would never kill anyone (past tense), I still think that all of his good intentions and thoughts mean nothing if he's using the dark underworld as a means to achieve them. I like Curtis, quite a bit in fact, but I can't look past this for now. Do his ultimate good intentions erase his collaboration in this world that has led to much violence and many deaths? No, I think not. So I think he's a tragic character, and I think what Grim said about him dying as a way to allow him to escape is accurate. Athena should have let him die so he would finally be free of all of this! But then there'd be no story, right? And we can't have that :P
What do you think of Athena’s mental condition at this point?
Sadly, I understand the way she's thinking. "I'm not dirty. I'm still the same!" is a good way to look at herself, but I'm not sure she's gotten to the worst part of her grief and trauma quite yet because I think she's taking things rather well at the moment. But then we can see that she's really emotionally drained and frail since she's so hung up on Curtis right now, and that is understandable. I think she's going to spiral into a more difficult mental space and Curtis is trying to pull away, and this is only going to add to her grief. I'm nervous for her.
What is your impression of Dew?
You weren't lying when you said she has a serious potty mouth! But I love how she's a no-nonsense kind of girl. I can imagine that, even though she's very young, growing up in this world has made her develop a lot of street smarts and she definitely gave Athena a dose of these. I appreciated this because it's true that Athena, even with all the hardships of her own, has had a kind of sheltered life. I'm glad Dew opened Athena's eyes about Curtis's true intentions and nature, because Athena needed to learn about this. It's not like Curtis would have told her the truth, he just walked out! On the other hand, I hope that Dew doesn't really continue to go after Curtis, because THAT would not end well. Nope, I don't see that ending well AT ALL.
What are your thoughts on the story? Likes/dislikes?
I really like how much detail you put into every aspect: in the dialogue, in the images, in the character interactions. I'm actually looking forward to possibly re-reading this one day to catch all the detail that I'm sure I've missed. That is incredible. I also love how much care you put into the visuals, making many of the poses yourself and exhaustively styling the sets and the characters. It makes the story feel complete. I like the little captions you put under some of the pictures, too :P they make me giggle! I don't have any dislikes I can think of. And for B2W specifically: the images are flawless and vibrant, the writing is tight, grammar and spelling is great, language choices thoughtful and diverse, the story is intricate and fascinating, the characters are well developed and mostly likable or at least tolerable, and the blog is easy on the eyes. Nothing to dislike here!
What are your thoughts on the writing? Has there been any changes?
Like I said above, I think your writing is tight. There are several sections where I feel like the story would be let down if the writing wasn't up to par (like the Mercy parts that had barely any text, and none outside of the pictures in part 2, the writing in the comic, Grim's parts, etc.), but luckily I think your writing is even better than I remembered it. Descriptive, but not reliant on exposition dumps. I think even only between Chapters 1 and 10 one can tell you've grown more comfortable and confident in your writing. I would never have guessed that English is not your first language, truly, because you're very good at writing and your vocabulary is astounding. I occasionally notice some awkward wording here and there but never enough to take me out of the story or to make the section lose its flow or meaning.
Any questions for me? I’m not sure if you want to ask my characters anything at this point, but that’s open too.
You've woven together some very different storytelling aspects and general themes into your story. Like, you have magic but also the intense world of underground crime, spiced with elements of romance and school drama. On top of that, you play around with text and visual representations of the story (switching from dialogue and narration to the comic, or to picture-only sections), so your story is truly a very varied and interesting ride. Did you always intend for it to be so intricate? Or did you start with it, introduced some elements, and then the whole thing poured from your mind and fingers without you being able to control it? :P I'm in awe of how well you incorporate all of these elements! I know you said you have experience working with young people who are connected to the underground crime world, but this and all the other elements of your story are very well-researched and detailed! I'm really impressed, and I feel like I'm learning some things just by reading your story, on top of enjoying it, of course. Do you spend a lot of time researching before writing or do you research as you write?
What did you think about the guests/challenge? Did you have a favorite guest? (Manon, Aurora, Qykoz, Patricio, and Dr. Kim were the guests.)
What do you think about Jessie working with the producers to plan the challenge?
Were you satisfied with the elimination or did you want the eliminee to stay?
What did you think about Charlee's bonus episode? Was it too risqué?
We get a peek into a lot of the relationships between the housemates this episode, instead of high-stakes drama. Do you like the more laid-back vibe of this episode?
I know the challenge was kind of boring, but did you like pictures/ads?
Matthison has some competition! What do you think of Louise revealing her crush to Gabriel?
What did you think of Enca revealing a twist at the elimination ceremony?