My friend is a toxic person.

DaKapten · April 2020

Hi, don't want to sound depressed or like i'm screaming for attention. But I have a problem with my best friend that is ignorant to the virus and the dangers that come with it. (She is also a selfproclaimed genius, that understands everything)
It has left me very worried and stressed to know that she only cares about herself. Her mom is at risk, my mom is at risk and she lives across the street from her. I am unfortunely at risk myself.
I am sad to realise that she is more toxic than I suspected. The other day I had chestpains, and she made clear on the phone that she can't risk herself meeting me for the sake of going to a date. Like what??? Firstly I never said I wanted to hang out, and secondly is that really your only concern ?
I don't know what to do. She calls me to say that she is healthy and that she can meet me up like it was godsent.
I have known her all my life and I don't really know what to do. She is my only friend left. But man... she is very selfabsorbed and this quarentine has made me see her true colors. But I feel sad... and there is alot more about her behaviour that I've only ignored to "survive".
Do any of you have a tip what to do or to say?
Or do you have a similar story?

DeKay · April 2020

Wait, so you're saying she was not afraid of the virus, but then when you had chest pains, she didn't want to see you cuz she doesn't wanna risk it?

I don't really have any good tips cuz I usually leave anyone who is toxic in my life. To the point that I don't have any close friends anymore now. Which I also don't wish for you to go thru. 🙈 So I don't know and I think it really is up to you. A toxic friend in your life is just gonna give you more heart pains and headaches in the long run, as opposed to having no friends at all, in my opinion, which was why I went with that.

Coffeecrumblecake · April 2020

Sorry you're going through this extra difficulty within an already trying time. I've had my fair share of friend drama and here's the thing I learned from it: why the heck can't human beings be as agreeable as I make some of my sims? Unfortunately, they aren't. They're much more complicated and hard to deal with at points. I cannot tell you what is definitively the best route of action for you, but I can tell you some of my own hardships have been helped by communication. I don't know if this is still an option, but maybe talk it out with her again. Tell her exactly how you feel about her behavior and make it clear to her why what she is doing is making you feel this way. We all react to hardship in different ways, and although it isn't fair, acting out might just be her way of coping. Try to get through to her, because she means so much to you. Tell her that. If this doesn't work, make it equally clear that you are going to have to drain your life of toxicity for her sake and yours. Don't burn any bridges, but do take priority of your own health when it seems the other approach won't work. No matter what, remember you're an awesome person, and whoever fails to see that doesn't deserve to have you in their life anyways. 😉

DaKapten · May 2020

DeKay wrote: »

Wait, so you're saying she was not afraid of the virus, but then when you had chest pains, she didn't want to see you cuz she doesn't wanna risk it?

I don't really have any good tips cuz I usually leave anyone who is toxic in my life. To the point that I don't have any close friends anymore now. Which I also don't wish for you to go thru. 🙈 So I don't know and I think it really is up to you. A toxic friend in your life is just gonna give you more heart pains and headaches in the long run, as opposed to having no friends at all, in my opinion, which was why I went with that.

Yes she didn't want to risk it... i felt like my friend doesn't need to be supersweet all the time, but she could atleast be a little careful how she put things. I would care about her, if it was her instead.

Leave them is probably the only way to go, and I wish I was as cool as you. But I understand it has given you great pain aswell. And you might not understand it. But so far I think you're awesome! And thank you for taking time to answer me and tell me the straight truth I like that. And keep on being to cool and great. And man you're frkn talented.

Coffeecrumblecake wrote: »

Sorry you're going through this extra difficulty within an already trying time. I've had my fair share of friend drama and here's the thing I learned from it: why the heck can't human beings be as agreeable as I make some of my sims? Unfortunately, they aren't. They're much more complicated and hard to deal with at points. I cannot tell you what is definitively the best route of action for you, but I can tell you some of my own hardships have been helped by communication. I don't know if this is still an option, but maybe talk it out with her again. Tell her exactly how you feel about her behavior and make it clear to her why what she is doing is making you feel this way. We all react to hardship in different ways, and although it isn't fair, acting out might just be her way of coping. Try to get through to her, because she means so much to you. Tell her that. If this doesn't work, make it equally clear that you are going to have to drain your life of toxicity for her sake and yours. Don't burn any bridges, but do take priority of your own health when it seems the other approach won't work. No matter what, remember you're an awesome person, and whoever fails to see that doesn't deserve to have you in their life anyways. 😉

Yeah, why is friends so complicated. Why is SHE so complicated... but you're absolutely right about communication. But I felt like she just runs over me everytime. And I don't want to speak to her as I speak to my clients hehe.
I thought about that aswell. But I felt like she showed more.of that behaviour now and how selfish she is. As I said, you don't have be supersweet, just don't be selfish and dishonest.
I will tell her how I feel. ... thank you for giving me time and wisdom. And also you're awesome and keep on being you. You're great!

Nushnushganay · May 2020

I'm late to this party, but it sounds like they said it well.
Life's too short, and you can't change someone else. They are gonna be what they are gonna be.

I had a situation like that once with a friend...we had some history, but I had overlooked little things, made excuses. A lot later, I discovered that she...took people on, as projects. I was a project to her, befriending me was her act of charity (snort!). It made her feel good about herself, I guess. But meanwhile, she did Bad Things and justified them, and I told myself that loyalty as a friend meant...letting it go. But finally I couldn't let it go anymore, when she hurt someone else really badly and felt no remorse, so I let her go.

And I never regretted that. I should have done it a lot sooner. The little Bad Things this person did, were also selfish, and dishonest, and she always had a justification.

A big question is, how do you feel when you're with the person: do you like yourself, or do you feel a bit ashamed, or feel the need to make excuses for them? Cuz if you do, just cut them loose, no regrets. As others have said, no friends at all is better than the kind that you have to keep excusing in your own mind. That said, it's worth confronting them at least once, in case. Then you will know you tried.

DaKapten · May 2020

Nushnushganay wrote: »

I'm late to this party, but it sounds like they said it well.
Life's too short, and you can't change someone else. They are gonna be what they are gonna be.

I had a situation like that once with a friend...we had some history, but I had overlooked little things, made excuses. A lot later, I discovered that she...took people on, as projects. I was a project to her, befriending me was her act of charity (snort!). It made her feel good about herself, I guess. But meanwhile, she did Bad Things and justified them, and I told myself that loyalty as a friend meant...letting it go. But finally I couldn't let it go anymore, when she hurt someone else really badly and felt no remorse, so I let her go.

And I never regretted that. I should have done it a lot sooner. The little Bad Things this person did, were also selfish, and dishonest, and she always had a justification.

A big question is, how do you feel when you're with the person: do you like yourself, or do you feel a bit ashamed, or feel the need to make excuses for them? Cuz if you do, just cut them loose, no regrets. As others have said, no friends at all is better than the kind that you have to keep excusing in your own mind. That said, it's worth confronting them at least once, in case. Then you will know you tried.

Oh thank you so much.
You're absolutely right about everything you said.
Unfortunely I often make up excuses for her all the time. Even when she steals my time. Once I told her I got a job as a therapist she was like:"oh how nice for you, shame you had to copy my dream in life"... excuse me, never knew that was your thing and thank lord for I know that is a lie.
She is just becoming more and more obnoxious.
She makes me feel like a bad friend. She ridicule my personality and makes me feel like everybody hates me.
And I am sorry about that person in your life, I'm happy you got rid of that. You deserve better.
Thank you once again, you're wonderful and smart!

Nushnushganay · May 2020

Once I told her I got a job as a therapist she was like:"oh how nice for you, shame you had to copy my dream in life"...

Wow, that's just outright frenemy, right there! Yowza.

I'm nothing but a person who has had some 'stranger than fiction' life experiences, but if any of us can help each other, we're all better for it, right?

And you're a therapist, that is so cool, and generous of spirit.
If you need a squad behind you, because it can be hard to 'break up' with someone you have history with, we're all here, so don't be afraid to reach out. You'll doubtless help a lot of people in your career.
<HUGS>

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My friend is a toxic person.

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