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What are the best/worst one-liner jokes you have?

Comments

  • simspeaker4simspeaker4 Posts: 5,986 Member
    There was this guy addicted to drinking brake fluid. He didn't think he had a problem as he could stop anytime.
    I am a perfectly decrepit withered old hag who enjoys self-mockery.

    Need help falling asleep? http://wry7000.blogspot.com/
  • ArkaneArkane Posts: 17,964 Member
    I had a huge problem with being addicted to soap. It's all good, I'm clean now.
    The right man in the wrong place, can make all the difference in the world.

    Origin ID: BadArkane


    mAR6ORf.gif
  • simspeaker4simspeaker4 Posts: 5,986 Member
    You know why erasers are so grumpy?



    People just rub them the wrong way.
    I am a perfectly decrepit withered old hag who enjoys self-mockery.

    Need help falling asleep? http://wry7000.blogspot.com/
  • steelersfan4evasteelersfan4eva Posts: 24 Member
    two silkworms had a race... it was a tie
  • Bo_DummyBo_Dummy Posts: 2,230 Member
    edited June 2018
    I find all revelations about lightning shocking.
  • MMXMMX Posts: 3,749 Member
    One day, scientists will discover the centre of the universe, but many people will be disappointed to know it's not them.
  • simspeaker4simspeaker4 Posts: 5,986 Member
    People are always so rash when it comes to skin irritation.
    I am a perfectly decrepit withered old hag who enjoys self-mockery.

    Need help falling asleep? http://wry7000.blogspot.com/
  • erimurpheyerimurphey Posts: 164 Member
    I knew a lady who was going to start a bakery but she couldn't raise the dough.
    Sul Sul!

    Origin i.d.: erimurphey
  • simspeaker4simspeaker4 Posts: 5,986 Member
    007 never gets itchy skin because he always uses Gold Bond.
    I am a perfectly decrepit withered old hag who enjoys self-mockery.

    Need help falling asleep? http://wry7000.blogspot.com/
  • caitzelcaitzel Posts: 48 Member
    I own the world's worst thesaurus. Not only is it awful, it's awful.
  • CynicusCynicus Posts: 18 Member
    I just got promoted to head of Old MacDonald's farm. I'm the C-I-E-I-O.
  • PinkFlyingPastaPinkFlyingPasta Posts: 303 Member
    Cynicus wrote: »
    I just got promoted to head of Old MacDonald's farm. I'm the C-I-E-I-O.

    Okay, THAT made me laugh! :D
  • MMXMMX Posts: 3,749 Member
    Roses are red
    My cat ate a mouse
    STOP FIRING ROCKETS AT MY HOUSE
  • ArkaneArkane Posts: 17,964 Member
    Why is it best to see a psychic who can see two years into the future? They have 2020 vision.
    The right man in the wrong place, can make all the difference in the world.

    Origin ID: BadArkane


    mAR6ORf.gif
  • HeathaHeatha Posts: 23 Member
    I'd post a chemistry joke but I know I won't get a reaction... :D :D
  • Hippie_SimmerHippie_Simmer Posts: 1,078 Member
    I came up with this one earlier this week.

    I'd tell a joke about zip lining... But it would go over your head.

    I found this one online and wanted to share it with you lovely people.

    What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?
    A candy baa.

    😂
    And though the course may change sometimes, rivers always reach the sea. -Led Zeppelin
  • Hippie_SimmerHippie_Simmer Posts: 1,078 Member
    Cynicus wrote: »
    I just got promoted to head of Old MacDonald's farm. I'm the C-I-E-I-O.

    Okay, THAT made me laugh! :D

    Me too! 😂
    And though the course may change sometimes, rivers always reach the sea. -Led Zeppelin
  • neuroandproudneuroandproud Posts: 67 Member
    I just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?
    Kaydin/KayKay
  • AndyMeadesonAndyMeadeson Posts: 25 Member
    Someone has been adding soil to my garden!

    ...the plot thickens.
  • commwheelcommwheel Posts: 11 New Member
    How many psychiatrists do you need to change a lightbulb? Only one, but the lightbulb must want to change.
  • NushnushganayNushnushganay Posts: 5,200 Member
    Why did one mathematician take another's pencil after reading his proof? "Because friends don't let friends drink and derive."
    Remembering the Great Gingerbread Massacre. They did not fall in vain. BTTYmSB.jpg
    My pronouns are they/them/their

  • ArkaneArkane Posts: 17,964 Member
    Did you guys hear about the murder scene that the Bear Detective was investigating? According to his report it was pretty grizzly.
    The right man in the wrong place, can make all the difference in the world.

    Origin ID: BadArkane


    mAR6ORf.gif
  • MMXMMX Posts: 3,749 Member
    Hospitals are so ungrateful. When you donate one kidney, they call you a hero; but when I donate eight kidneys, they call the police!
  • Shadow_AssassinShadow_Assassin Posts: 1,296 Member
    edited May 22
    I played Russian roulette alone and lost, then I played rock-paper-scissors in front of the mirror and won

    The deaf man heard the dumb man said that the blind man saw the ghost

    Does orange rainfall advisory mean that will rain Fanta?

    I had a fight with my classmate, the teacher want to call my parents, but I think I can win by myself

    John didn't flush the toilet until was full, then he won the "Energy-Saving Hero" title

    When the judges press the button, the singer instantly blasted into pieces

    The vicious robber grabbed the cop's collar and crammed money into it, saying he want to caused the cop die from happy

    I loop the same song every day for exhaust the singer
    C8cd0K.jpg
    Entrance to the abyss
    sims.fandom.com/wiki/User:ShadeAssassin
  • DeadManHBKDeadManHBK Posts: 116 Member
    How do you make a Kleenex dance? You put a little boogie in it!
    500c175dfecfd4bfdb430b6ae61d85abc33cef98_hq.gif

    A n a l Na t h r a c h D o c h e'l D e'n m h a
    A n a l Na t h r a c h T i e r a N a t r a c h...
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