A Panda walks in to a bar. The panda goes up to the bartender and orders some Bamboo Chutes. After the Panda finishes, he takes out a gun and shoots the windows. "Hey!" Yells the Bartender. "Who do you think you are?" The Panda looks at him and says, "I'm a Panda. Look it up." The Panda turns around and walks out of the bar. The Bartender pulls out his phone and looks up the word "panda". In the definition, it says:
Oh for all the grandma's knickers in Cleveland! Patsy! Where-did-you-put-the-oil-of yak?!
In the well?! Oh Travis- Kneeberger fell down the well so you put it in the potting shed!
Why-did-you-put-it-in-the shed-when -I need-it-for-the-tomato cakes?!
What do you mean Barky told you to put the yak-oil in the potting shed?! You mean Barky the.. goldfish from next door?
And what do you suppose Barky cares about where you put the yak-oil?
What do you mean 'he likes it sprinkled on his pajamas'??
Oh! Okay, well that makes sense. Then go run to the store and get me some powdered dingo's toenail clippings. Yes! With the fungus-slices.
Okay good.
Walk up to someone randomly, smack them upside the back of the head and tell them loudly, "I thought I told you to go get the car!" Then walk away huffily. Do NOT turn to see the wreckage. Possible lawsuit-worthy.
Courtesy of George Carlin(yes, in his pre-dead state):
When you visit a restaurant where they do the pepper-grinder, cheese-grater or any of that type of thing where they offer to top your food with more of something:
Say yes and just casually let the (we'll say black pepper) pile up on the food. For an uncomfortably long time.
Then when you do release the wait-person, call them back a bit later and huffily complain that there's too much black pepper on your food!
When someone tells you to 'have a great day,' act shocked as if they just said a bad word.
I just prefer a good old fashioned "no", always throws people off
I'm totally trying that the next time someone says to have a good day. LOL
Something silly... Something silly... Hmm.
I heard that if you give the magic tree in Willow Creek lemonade, it will lead you to a secret place that is not the secret grotto. Also, where did I leave my feather boa-Oh, come on, Don Lothario, quit swiping my boas! 😂
And though the course may change sometimes, rivers always reach the sea. -Led Zeppelin
My name is Silke (short Sil) but when I was younger my parents called me 'Silly' sometimes. Not because they thought I was silly, but because I always said 'mommy' and 'daddy' in place of 'mom' and 'dad', and they thought it would be fun to minimalize 'Sil', so then I became 'Silly'.
I don't even think they know they called me silly for years....
Comments
Panda: Eats chutes and leaves.
Origin ID: BadArkane
Origin ID: BadArkane
In the well?! Oh Travis- Kneeberger fell down the well so you put it in the potting shed!
Why-did-you-put-it-in-the shed-when -I need-it-for-the-tomato cakes?!
What do you mean Barky told you to put the yak-oil in the potting shed?! You mean Barky the.. goldfish from next door?
And what do you suppose Barky cares about where you put the yak-oil?
What do you mean 'he likes it sprinkled on his pajamas'??
Oh! Okay, well that makes sense. Then go run to the store and get me some powdered dingo's toenail clippings. Yes! With the fungus-slices.
Okay good.
Good Move bro. Happy trolling!
Origin ID: BadArkane
Origin ID: BadArkane
When you visit a restaurant where they do the pepper-grinder, cheese-grater or any of that type of thing where they offer to top your food with more of something:
Say yes and just casually let the (we'll say black pepper) pile up on the food. For an uncomfortably long time.
Then when you do release the wait-person, call them back a bit later and huffily complain that there's too much black pepper on your food!
Only if the waiter becomes "The Invisible Man" for long periods of time. If you been in that situation, y'know what I mean.
Origin ID: BadArkane
I just prefer a good old fashioned "no", always throws people off
Origin ID: BadArkane
I'm totally trying that the next time someone says to have a good day. LOL
Something silly... Something silly... Hmm.
I heard that if you give the magic tree in Willow Creek lemonade, it will lead you to a secret place that is not the secret grotto. Also, where did I leave my feather boa-Oh, come on, Don Lothario, quit swiping my boas! 😂
Origin ID: BadArkane
My name is Silke (short Sil) but when I was younger my parents called me 'Silly' sometimes. Not because they thought I was silly, but because I always said 'mommy' and 'daddy' in place of 'mom' and 'dad', and they thought it would be fun to minimalize 'Sil', so then I became 'Silly'.
I don't even think they know they called me silly for years....
Origin ID: BadArkane