@LegacySims2017 I'm rewriting my Swanson legacy and in the third (or 4th) from now future Gen 3 chapter will have him in it. But in Gen 7 he's is 100% aware he's a fictional character ("meta Meatball)
@LegacySims2017 I'm rewriting my Swanson legacy and in the third (or 4th) from now future Gen 3 chapter will have him in it. But in Gen 7 he's is 100% aware he's a fictional character ("meta Meatball)
He's just started his appearance in my #BuildNewcrest Challenge: Simself Legacy Edition.
He must have known Get Famous pack was coming out cause he sure became famous fast. He deserves an award!
My first Sims 4 SimLit I have felt like many on here do. I wanted others to read it and comment their opinions. I felt like I got nothing. But as @Maladi777 has stated, there are readers out there. Silent readers. I will admit I am one of them. But I didn't feel that way before. I felt like no one cared.
The thing authors fail to realize is that if you want people to comment and like, you must set the example and start doing it yourself.
most of my readers dropped off so while my reader count is high i think my actual readers are just reading circles and cathtea my saves krpt breaking i think people got bored.
I am the #1 Passionate Reader of @friendsfan367 . Her story brightens every morning and gives me something to think about all day long... and until the next post comes out. I'm still thinking about some of the chapters she wrote 18 months ago! LOL!
If there's anyone who doesn't like the Benders, I'm going to call this guy to pay them a visit....
...and have him sit next to them and read more!
Wish you could send him scare all lurkers out of hiding? Wouldn't that be actually a good deed? Something he's not known for?
There are days I don't feel like writing and I won't. It could be because I'm not getting feedback or because of personal stuff. But in the end, I always come back to it. I come back for myself. And when others give feedback, it's just a nice additional pick me up.
This I agree with. I write when I have time and want to. Right now it's a combination of rewrite of a next chapter and one that won't happen for a while. But it's something. It's better for me to enjoy the whole writing experience than make myself do it when I don't want to.
Sometimes I don't want to screenshot a chapter and then I don't. I leave the chapter without pictures and that's fine. (Currently have two that I need to go back and get pics for at some point but I'll get round to it.)
Currently, instead of writing full chapters, I'm using my second tumblr blog for tiny non chapter scenes inspired entirely by me taking a bunch of pictures. They're random and it's fun.
My first Sims 4 SimLit I have felt like many on here do. I wanted others to read it and comment their opinions. I felt like I got nothing. But as @Maladi777 has stated, there are readers out there. Silent readers. I will admit I am one of them. But I didn't feel that way before. I felt like no one cared.
The thing authors fail to realize is that if you want people to comment and like, you must set the example and start doing it yourself.
most of my readers dropped off so while my reader count is high i think my actual readers are just reading circles and cathtea my saves krpt breaking i think people got bored.
I am the #1 Passionate Reader of @friendsfan367 . Her story brightens every morning and gives me something to think about all day long... and until the next post comes out. I'm still thinking about some of the chapters she wrote 18 months ago! LOL!
If there's anyone who doesn't like the Benders, I'm going to call this guy to pay them a visit....
...and have him sit next to them and read more!
Wish you could send him scare all lurkers out of hiding? Wouldn't that be actually a good deed? Something he's not known for?
I'm probably not the only one, but many stories I read, I just like to read. I don't want to feel obligated to comment if I read it. And so I feel that way about my stories I write now. I want my readers to just read it and enjoy it. If they "comment" or hit the "like" button, it does make me But now I don't expect it.
Tony would probably take on the job, but would want something big in return. And his scare tactics might be the part everyone would know him as doing. He would make sure to uphold his reputation.
THIS!
I actually feel like the authors are threatening me if they say this. Like: "Go read my story or you can blame yourself for the loss of my story to the world." Don't. Ever. Do. That. It's silly and childish.
Master Yoda would say: "Write or write not."
Don't hold the readers or the lack of them responsible for your decision to continue or not.
Because it's one of my community pet peeves too. It isn't a formula for a long-term audience of any size anyways. No one keeps reading a story on guilt alone.
...
I always feel weird about this topic because most of my readership came from me having some lucky/privileged circumstances and the right friends. And in fact I'd tell literally no one to try and befriend a more popular writer just for the chance of more views. Even if everything works and your 100% genuine friendship lasts forever, there's still work that goes into maintaining readers for the long-term. People like a reader who's engaged with the community, even shallowly (throwback to 2015 when I gained Eight Cicadas readers by hoping for followbacks and skimming chapters out of context to like them...I was scummy like that) And if you make comments and engage in discussion on the forums, or make waves in a Discord server since those are trendy for stories to have now (as I can attest to!), people notice you.
And it's even better when you're as passionate about them as you are about yourself. Most people can spot a fake. Even I learned eventually.
It's be silly to say that I write only for myself and never even glimpse at my WordPress stats. That's blatantly untrue and we're all human and selfish. So yeah, I care deeply about how to get readers, just like everyone else. And community engagement is what it all falls down to. I've broken what used to be my own rules about promotion, consistent updates, and so on (especially last year) but still had a core of readers who would wait patiently for the next Uptown chapter. They're all people I talk to regularly and read the stories of.
Also, continue to have a passion for improving your writing (and screenshotting). Even if you consider yourself a good writer, it pays to pick up a how-to guide or read criticism of others' writing on a regular basis. You finally get bothered more easily, even by your own work, and sometimes you need to be. As for screenshotting, look up tutorials on how to use image editors (and free ones, like GIMP). Read up on photography and composition and practice. If you use poses, learn how to make them yourself to give your stories a unique edge and impress your readers. I might be overly optimistic, but quality gets noticed eventually. And people who have been reading for a while get a better product with each new chapter.
Didn't mean to start a whole thing here.....but alot of you make good points
I used to be upset about people not commenting when I first started writing, but after a while I noticed that my stats stayed consistent with each chapter update. I know I have a few silent readers, and it doesn't bother me at all. It's actually pretty cool when I see people from all over the world reading my story!
I guess my main issue here is that I really want to be a part of this community and I just never know how. There are so many people here that have known each other for years and they seem to bond over shared stories. I really do try to read other stories, but like I said earlier....it's a daunting task to catch up on 60+ chapters when everyone else is all caught up. I totally feel left behind. i also see that theres a discourse here where people talk outside of this website. (is that like a chat? sorry....I'm out of the loop when it comes to that stuff lol). I would like to join that to get to know everyone
@CathyTea thank you for your kind words . It means alot coming from a fantastic writer such as yourself!
PS: I'm also ace! I also live in NYC, but not directly in the city....so not that urban either. I guess I just picked up from people around me since I've lived here my whole life. I wish I was as cool as my characters LOL.
most of my readers dropped off so while my reader count is high i think my actual readers are just reading circles and cathtea my saves krpt breaking i think people got bored.
I am the #1 Passionate Reader of @friendsfan367 . Her story brightens every morning and gives me something to think about all day long... and until the next post comes out. I'm still thinking about some of the chapters she wrote 18 months ago! LOL!
If there's anyone who doesn't like the Benders, I'm going to call this guy to pay them a visit....
Didn't mean to start a whole thing here.....but alot of you make good points
I used to be upset about people not commenting when I first started writing, but after a while I noticed that my stats stayed consistent with each chapter update. I know I have a few silent readers, and it doesn't bother me at all. It's actually pretty cool when I see people from all over the world reading my story!
I guess my main issue here is that I really want to be a part of this community and I just never know how. There are so many people here that have known each other for years and they seem to bond over shared stories. I really do try to read other stories, but like I said earlier....it's a daunting task to catch up on 60+ chapters when everyone else is all caught up. I totally feel left behind. i also see that theres a discourse here where people talk outside of this website. (is that like a chat? sorry....I'm out of the loop when it comes to that stuff lol). I would like to join that to get to know everyone
@CathyTea thank you for your kind words . It means alot coming from a fantastic writer such as yourself!
PS: I'm also ace! I also live in NYC, but not directly in the city....so not that urban either. I guess I just picked up from people around me since I've lived here my whole life. I wish I was as cool as my characters LOL.
the benders are way cooler than me. if it was my story it would go like this ......got up made coffee watched tv went to work came back had ice cream had dinner played video games til bed.
they do things that shock even me.
in the first bender attempt i yelled at ayden get off her your married. i think he looked at me and said but she his wife started it. aydens more of a rule breaker than maker he had trouble sticking to them.
now i let them do what they want otherwise i would yell at them so much i would never write anything.
i think of them as a loveable bunch of intrsting rule breakers. but heres the intresting part everytime i start again the story changes cause their in charge some stays but some changes.
I guess my main issue here is that I really want to be a part of this community and I just never know how. There are so many people here that have known each other for years and they seem to bond over shared stories. I really do try to read other stories, but like I said earlier....it's a daunting task to catch up on 60+ chapters when everyone else is all caught up. I totally feel left behind. i also see that theres a discourse here where people talk outside of this website. (is that like a chat? sorry....I'm out of the loop when it comes to that stuff lol). I would like to join that to get to know everyone
We all were once new to this community. You already are part of it. You seem to be looking at it as a task not an opportunity. It's not a mountain you have to conquer. None of us reads all stories. It's impossible. We sample and stick to the stories we like. We interact with the autors, befriend them and support each other. It doesn't necessarily happen it that particular order. I sometimes like people first before even reading their stories. But as @InfraGreen said you can't take shortcuts and fake frienships and interest to get what you want. It's not satisfying if your heart is not in it anyway.
Some people use Discord to chat. It's sort of like Skype, but not exactly. You can chat or voice chat there, but you need someone to invite you to their channel. There used to be a general channel for everyone, but I don't know if it is still active or not. You have to create a Discord account to be able to do that. If you know someones nickname there you can message them and don't have to join any channel.
@simscognito Sorry to hear you have a break, but I have to agree with everyone here, your health is the most important. Please take care of yourself, me and your other readers will be there when you're back
@AdamsEve1231 I'm really sorry for you and your family. Please don't forget to take a break here and there for yourself so you can recover your energy again. I wish you all the very best *hugs*
@Sourocha Please don't stop writing because of lack of feedback. As long as you feel you have a story to tell, keep going. If you feel like you wrote everything in vain, go back and re-read what you have accomplished so far. Look at your screenshots, see the improvment you have made in writing, and be proud of yourself. You have created something. Maybe it will inspire you to write more
and additionally to what others adviced alread, I can only say, be the kind of reader to others that you want to have for yourself.
Read other people's stories, maybe start with those that have left you comments, and leave them a comment here and there too.
Be interested in other people's works, and maybe not all, but a few here and there will be interested in yours, and maybe you'll make a few friends that you can talk to about yours and their stories.
@Acarb90 I did write you a message on the book club topic already. But I'd also like to add here that becoming involved is a key to get feedback. I know that it can be scary to see a new story with a lot of chapters out already, but don't feel disencouraged. Just tackle it piece by piece, as you have time. You might discover great stories that you don't wanna put down anymore, but otherwise might have missed out, just because they are already long! I admit I got scared a lot too when I tried to tackle down @InfraGreen 's uptown - 120+ chapters, and each of them very long! But I gave it a try, bc she started reading mine and I wanted to know what she's doing, and I found it's one of my favourite stories in the end :P
Sooner or later you'll be caught up, and then you'll look forward to updates
Otherwise I can only agree with @Maladi777 and @InfraGreen : Be interested in others, and some will be interested in you, and maybe some great friendships will come out of it. I think you can start this as a task first, but if you find it keeps feeling more like a task than something you enjoy, you can still stop.
Also, some random thoughts, how do I know if I'm being ''fake'' or not? That may sound as I joke, but I worry I might in a ''subconscious'' way start to make friends only for personal gain.I mostly ask myself that because I've been in the forums for a while, and haven't really felt the ''need'' to chat, or even the need to use discord, so I worry I might only enter those things because of a selfish reason.Yup, I'm nasty like that
@Sourocha Don't worry about that too much. I'm rather introvert too, so I rarely feel like chatting myself, especially when I don't know people too well. But you never get to know anyone if you stay quiet, so in case you like something, maybe just drop a simple comment as in "I enjoyed that story".
Sometimes a conversation starts, and if you find yourself interested in that, keep going and you're not "faking" it. If not, just drop it and move on.
Also, some random thoughts, how do I know if I'm being ''fake'' or not?
Simple: if you have to force yourself to say nice things to a person and you don't mean them. That's fake.
When you spend time / talk to someone only because you want something from them (for example you want them to read / help you promote your story) not because you enjoy their company. That's fake. If you have functional conscience and are not a narcissist, doing such things should make you feel uncomfortable. For normal upright person faking and lying is more exhausting than the opposite. That is at least my personal belief.
@Sourocha: I'm pretty sure we all worry about being selfish or fakes even when we're not. So don't worry about that yet.
It's why I'm bad at networking in the real world too. There's a super fine line between genuine interactions with people and ideas you're not sure about yet and going through the motions just to get your reward. I think there's almost always something to enjoy about a story and something nice to say to someone that you 100% believe. Sometimes that's my starting point with a person. And if a friendship or your time as a reader is meant to be, it comes naturally.
@Sourocha i just speed-read the other chapters I had read chapter 1 with Trixie before but I hadn't read the others until now. and i just commented on the last chapter
@Sourocha i just speed-read the other chapters I had read chapter 1 with Trixie before but I hadn't read the others until now. and i just commented on the last chapter
I saw your coment! Thanks you very much for reading!
This has nothing to do with Sims, but I need prayers, well wishes, peaceful vibes, and hopeful thoughts whatever you believe. I had a family emergency yesterday with long term consequences to a certain family member. It's all a bit surreal. We're all a bit shaky and emotional. I'm trying my best to be in a supportive role, but I'm feeling pretty exhausted and tense.
Lots of love to you, @AdamsEve1231 . You play such a central support role in your family. I hope you're able to find time to care for yourself while supporting others through this. Wishing you the strength of your abundant resilience !
Thanks, @CathyTea. Love to you too. Your words were exactly what I needed last Saturday.
This has nothing to do with Sims, but I need prayers, well wishes, peaceful vibes, and hopeful thoughts whatever you believe. I had a family emergency yesterday with long term consequences to a certain family member. It's all a bit surreal. We're all a bit shaky and emotional. I'm trying my best to be in a supportive role, but I'm feeling pretty exhausted and tense.
@AdamsEve1231 Hugs and strength for you and your family!
This has nothing to do with Sims, but I need prayers, well wishes, peaceful vibes, and hopeful thoughts whatever you believe. I had a family emergency yesterday with long term consequences to a certain family member. It's all a bit surreal. We're all a bit shaky and emotional. I'm trying my best to be in a supportive role, but I'm feeling pretty exhausted and tense.
This has nothing to do with Sims, but I need prayers, well wishes, peaceful vibes, and hopeful thoughts whatever you believe. I had a family emergency yesterday with long term consequences to a certain family member. It's all a bit surreal. We're all a bit shaky and emotional. I'm trying my best to be in a supportive role, but I'm feeling pretty exhausted and tense.
I'm sorry to hear that, sending positive energy to you and your family.
Thank you, @megalodonsimmer. I appreciate the positive energy. I'm trying hard to stay positive.
This has nothing to do with Sims, but I need prayers, well wishes, peaceful vibes, and hopeful thoughts whatever you believe. I had a family emergency yesterday with long term consequences to a certain family member. It's all a bit surreal. We're all a bit shaky and emotional. I'm trying my best to be in a supportive role, but I'm feeling pretty exhausted and tense.
Hugs and prayers to you and your family @AdamsEve1231
Thank you @circa1986 / SunflowerSims. Appreciate it.
If you want something from someone or want them to do something for you, and those are the only reasons you talk to someone, that is being fake. If you want to talk to someone because you are genuinely interested in what they have to say, that is not being fake. Moral of story; talking to someone solely to get something from them is bad or manipulate them in some way is bad. Talking to someone because you want to hear what they have to say is good. Asking someone to do something for you is ok, or asking something from them is ok, if you plan on helping them out, or giving them something in return.
Also, some random thoughts, how do I know if I'm being ''fake'' or not? That may sound as I joke, but I worry I might in a ''subconscious'' way start to make friends only for personal gain.I mostly ask myself that because I've been in the forums for a while, and haven't really felt the ''need'' to chat, or even the need to use discord, so I worry I might only enter those things because of a selfish reason.Yup, I'm nasty like that
@Sourocha@circa1986 is right but there is also something called social networking. It's ok to join places for personal gain. You are allowed to build social platforms. There is a difference between simply 'using' someone and building up a network of people who support you. Being selective with who you choose to be friends with is not selfish either. Good friends don't hold you back from your goals so finding friends that will be beneficial in someway is a good thing, as long as you give back to them.
Comments
He must have known Get Famous pack was coming out cause he sure became famous fast. He deserves an award!
Wish you could send him scare all lurkers out of hiding? Wouldn't that be actually a good deed? Something he's not known for?
HEFFNER LEGACY│Simblr│Heffner Legacy Discussion │ Origin ID: Maladi
Sometimes I don't want to screenshot a chapter and then I don't. I leave the chapter without pictures and that's fine. (Currently have two that I need to go back and get pics for at some point but I'll get round to it.)
Currently, instead of writing full chapters, I'm using my second tumblr blog for tiny non chapter scenes inspired entirely by me taking a bunch of pictures. They're random and it's fun.
I'm probably not the only one, but many stories I read, I just like to read. I don't want to feel obligated to comment if I read it. And so I feel that way about my stories I write now. I want my readers to just read it and enjoy it. If they "comment" or hit the "like" button, it does make me
Tony would probably take on the job, but would want something big in return. And his scare tactics might be the part everyone would know him as doing. He would make sure to uphold his reputation.
Because it's one of my community pet peeves too. It isn't a formula for a long-term audience of any size anyways. No one keeps reading a story on guilt alone.
...
I always feel weird about this topic because most of my readership came from me having some lucky/privileged circumstances and the right friends. And in fact I'd tell literally no one to try and befriend a more popular writer just for the chance of more views. Even if everything works and your 100% genuine friendship lasts forever, there's still work that goes into maintaining readers for the long-term. People like a reader who's engaged with the community, even shallowly (throwback to 2015 when I gained Eight Cicadas readers by hoping for followbacks and skimming chapters out of context to like them...I was scummy like that) And if you make comments and engage in discussion on the forums, or make waves in a Discord server since those are trendy for stories to have now (as I can attest to!), people notice you.
And it's even better when you're as passionate about them as you are about yourself. Most people can spot a fake. Even I learned eventually.
It's be silly to say that I write only for myself and never even glimpse at my WordPress stats. That's blatantly untrue and we're all human and selfish. So yeah, I care deeply about how to get readers, just like everyone else. And community engagement is what it all falls down to. I've broken what used to be my own rules about promotion, consistent updates, and so on (especially last year) but still had a core of readers who would wait patiently for the next Uptown chapter. They're all people I talk to regularly and read the stories of.
Also, continue to have a passion for improving your writing (and screenshotting). Even if you consider yourself a good writer, it pays to pick up a how-to guide or read criticism of others' writing on a regular basis. You finally get bothered more easily, even by your own work, and sometimes you need to be. As for screenshotting, look up tutorials on how to use image editors (and free ones, like GIMP). Read up on photography and composition and practice. If you use poses, learn how to make them yourself to give your stories a unique edge and impress your readers. I might be overly optimistic, but quality gets noticed eventually. And people who have been reading for a while get a better product with each new chapter.
outrun / blog / tunglr
I used to be upset about people not commenting when I first started writing, but after a while I noticed that my stats stayed consistent with each chapter update. I know I have a few silent readers, and it doesn't bother me at all. It's actually pretty cool when I see people from all over the world reading my story!
I guess my main issue here is that I really want to be a part of this community and I just never know how. There are so many people here that have known each other for years and they seem to bond over shared stories. I really do try to read other stories, but like I said earlier....it's a daunting task to catch up on 60+ chapters when everyone else is all caught up. I totally feel left behind. i also see that theres a discourse here where people talk outside of this website. (is that like a chat? sorry....I'm out of the loop when it comes to that stuff lol). I would like to join that to get to know everyone
@CathyTea thank you for your kind words
PS: I'm also ace! I also live in NYC, but not directly in the city....so not that urban either. I guess I just picked up from people around me since I've lived here my whole life. I wish I was as cool as my characters LOL.
the benders say thank you.
the benders are way cooler than me. if it was my story it would go like this ......got up made coffee watched tv went to work came back had ice cream had dinner played video games til bed.
they do things that shock even me.
in the first bender attempt i yelled at ayden get off her your married. i think he looked at me and said but she his wife started it. aydens more of a rule breaker than maker he had trouble sticking to them.
now i let them do what they want otherwise i would yell at them so much i would never write anything.
i think of them as a loveable bunch of intrsting rule breakers. but heres the intresting part everytime i start again the story changes cause their in charge some stays but some changes.
We all were once new to this community. You already are part of it. You seem to be looking at it as a task not an opportunity. It's not a mountain you have to conquer. None of us reads all stories. It's impossible. We sample and stick to the stories we like. We interact with the autors, befriend them and support each other. It doesn't necessarily happen it that particular order. I sometimes like people first before even reading their stories. But as @InfraGreen said you can't take shortcuts and fake frienships and interest to get what you want. It's not satisfying if your heart is not in it anyway.
Some people use Discord to chat. It's sort of like Skype, but not exactly. You can chat or voice chat there, but you need someone to invite you to their channel. There used to be a general channel for everyone, but I don't know if it is still active or not. You have to create a Discord account to be able to do that. If you know someones nickname there you can message them and don't have to join any channel.
HEFFNER LEGACY│Simblr│Heffner Legacy Discussion │ Origin ID: Maladi
@AdamsEve1231 I'm really sorry for you and your family. Please don't forget to take a break here and there for yourself so you can recover your energy again. I wish you all the very best
@Sourocha Please don't stop writing because of lack of feedback. As long as you feel you have a story to tell, keep going. If you feel like you wrote everything in vain, go back and re-read what you have accomplished so far. Look at your screenshots, see the improvment you have made in writing, and be proud of yourself. You have created something. Maybe it will inspire you to write more
and additionally to what others adviced alread, I can only say, be the kind of reader to others that you want to have for yourself.
Read other people's stories, maybe start with those that have left you comments, and leave them a comment here and there too.
Be interested in other people's works, and maybe not all, but a few here and there will be interested in yours, and maybe you'll make a few friends that you can talk to about yours and their stories.
@Acarb90 I did write you a message on the book club topic already. But I'd also like to add here that becoming involved is a key to get feedback. I know that it can be scary to see a new story with a lot of chapters out already, but don't feel disencouraged. Just tackle it piece by piece, as you have time. You might discover great stories that you don't wanna put down anymore, but otherwise might have missed out, just because they are already long! I admit I got scared a lot too when I tried to tackle down @InfraGreen 's uptown - 120+ chapters, and each of them very long! But I gave it a try, bc she started reading mine and I wanted to know what she's doing, and I found it's one of my favourite stories in the end :P
Sooner or later you'll be caught up, and then you'll look forward to updates
Otherwise I can only agree with @Maladi777 and @InfraGreen : Be interested in others, and some will be interested in you, and maybe some great friendships will come out of it. I think you can start this as a task first, but if you find it keeps feeling more like a task than something you enjoy, you can still stop.
story | discussion | tumblr
story | discussion | tumblr
@friendsfan367 @Maladi777 @CathyTea @LegacySims2017 @InfraGreen and @candycottonchu ! You all gave wonderful ideas and some really nice encouragement!
Sometimes a conversation starts, and if you find yourself interested in that, keep going and you're not "faking" it. If not, just drop it and move on.
story | discussion | tumblr
When you spend time / talk to someone only because you want something from them (for example you want them to read / help you promote your story) not because you enjoy their company. That's fake. If you have functional conscience and are not a narcissist, doing such things should make you feel uncomfortable. For normal upright person faking and lying is more exhausting than the opposite. That is at least my personal belief.
HEFFNER LEGACY│Simblr│Heffner Legacy Discussion │ Origin ID: Maladi
It's why I'm bad at networking in the real world too. There's a super fine line between genuine interactions with people and ideas you're not sure about yet and going through the motions just to get your reward. I think there's almost always something to enjoy about a story and something nice to say to someone that you 100% believe. Sometimes that's my starting point with a person. And if a friendship or your time as a reader is meant to be, it comes naturally.
outrun / blog / tunglr
I saw your coment!
Thank you @MadameLee.
Thanks, @CathyTea. Love to you too. Your words were exactly what I needed last Saturday.
Thank you, @RipuAncestor.
Thanks for the hug, @LegacySims2017.
Thank you, @megalodonsimmer. I appreciate the positive energy. I'm trying hard to stay positive.
Thank you @circa1986 / SunflowerSims. Appreciate it.
Thank you @Sourocha. I noticed the double post, but it actually helped drive your point home.
Find me elsewhere:
My EA App ID: livinasimminlife
Livin' A Simmin' Life Stories
My Worldbuilding Blog
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@Sourocha @circa1986 is right but there is also something called social networking. It's ok to join places for personal gain. You are allowed to build social platforms. There is a difference between simply 'using' someone and building up a network of people who support you. Being selective with who you choose to be friends with is not selfish either. Good friends don't hold you back from your goals so finding friends that will be beneficial in someway is a good thing, as long as you give back to them.