And... I made that comment on my nook which tends to strip all nuance off of my communication and lead me to be short-answered...
So, let me say why I don't feel sorry for Kass (and feel a little ticked off at her in that scene)
Her lack of honesty with Gage really furthered the pain for both of them.
Now I understand she's young, inexperienced, and hasn't yet grown into her innate wisdom, kindness, compassion, and love. And I know all of that will come, with time. I trust her to make the tough journey.
At the same time, viewing the scene as an a.se.xual who is nearly 40 years older than Kass--and who HAS been through that tough journey to learn to trust body awareness and wisdom and the very tough and challenging decades-long lessons of learning to distinguish between intuition/inner knowing and the chatter of mind/noise of conditioning... I can see how where she is now causes a lot of pain to her and those in her life.
Here's what ticked me off: She woke up realizing she was still in love with Davis. She woke up feeling it was the best thing to break up with him. I admire her for coming to that realization--and I was very proud of her for knowing herself and her feelings AND especially, for admitting them to herself (so that part didn't make me mad at her--that part made me admire her.)
What made me mad was that when Gage said he needed to break things off, she didn't say, "Oh. I'm sad, but also relieved. Because, you see, I came to that same conclusion myself, Gage. I love you so much as a friend, Gage, and I have so much good will towards you. I hope we'll always be friends and support each other. My romantic energy, right now, is still directed towards someone else, I'm afraid. So, I think it's best that we're both feeling it's time to separate for a while. At least for now."
Now, granted--that's not Kass's style. But she caused herself and Gage so much pain by laying the whole break-up on him, when she had already decided that she had to break up, too!
I think that's a really good direction to have taken the story in--because it happens ALL the time, doesn't it? People not owning up to their feelings, intentions, and decisions--and letting someone else take the heat for what they, themselves, have intended and contributed to bringing about.
And Kass is so young--and hasn't ever been really encouraged to be honest or to take responsibility for her feelings and decisions. So of course it's within character!
But I don't think she understands how much extra pain she caused by not owning up to her own realizations about the relationship, and by letting Gage take all the blame for breaking up.
Then--when his heart is breaking--she gets offended because he won't give her a hug back!
I don't think this is judging a woman more harshly that a man, on my part. This is me looking at two humans--one of whom was honest about the situation and his feelings, and one of whom wasn't, and as a result, added a bit to her own pain and her friend's.
It was realistic. It doesn't make me like Kass less. I understand it. But I don't feel sorry for her when she contributed to making the breakup more painful than it had to be--and I desperately want her to stop playing games in her relationships and take responsibility for her feelings.
And... if any readers or writers have been in Kass's position--please know I am not judging you! And I have utmost compassion for you.
It takes a lot of growth, strength, and support to have that kind of honesty...
And, honestly, I'm not sure if it's even possible before menopause! LOL!
Also...
Have you ever had a thought about something being off and ignored it because you didn't want to offend someone, assume you are making a bigger deal about something than you should, or you don't want to appear over protective or smothering?
YES! I did this a lot before I was around 30... It took me a lot of time to learn to distinguish between intuition/inner knowing and mind-chatter/conditioned thoughts (or internalized thoughts of others). And remember that comment I made (I think here in this thread) after you posted the chapter of Kass's POV?
That was pointing out how, because of those two chapters (so well-written!), I was able to see how this is really the current major learning that Kass is doing--or about to do. She's got incredible intuition--but she hasn't yet begun to listen to it yet or to discern between it and her very chattery mind (not to mention her projections of others' expectations).
And, again for readers/writers--no judgments if you've been there/are there! Seriously, this is one of the most important journeys a person can take, so to recognize that it's a thing is SO awesome! And to write about it and read about it is even more awesome!
@MedleyMisty - I was thinking of you when I was reading my latest book, Seventh Plague by James Rollins. There is a line in this book, p. 325...."She reaches the muddy bank and stares yet again at where the world ends in a wall of darkness far beyond the river. The storm eats the sun and is not satisfied." I believe the sun was always eating Seth in the pen pal project. Anyway, thought I would share that with you
Hi guys. I'm a bit sick and I want to get this finally out of the way and bring the first story arc to The Chrysanthemum Tango to a close. This isn't the end of the entire story, though, as I have more ideas for this. I will, however, take a break from this and focus on my others stories, which I have neglected during the summer. Once I get better, that is.
Thank you all for your support, my awesome readers! Have a good day, everyone!
My Sims stories: The Fey of Life - fairytales in life are few and far between (Forum thread HERE) The Chrysanthemum Tango - a story about life, death, magic, and how to be a good landlady (Forum thread HERE) Forget-Me-Not - some things just refuse to stay buried; an Ambrosia Challenge story (Forum thread HERE)
@CathyTea I feel the need to distinguish between who Kass is and who I am. In truth, Kass and I are a lot alike. We both talk before fully thinking, and think of the best response only after the conversation takes place. However, I'm at a different stage than Kass for certain. I am much quicker than I was formerly to offer grace and speak in kindness, and I'm also much better at, saying I need time to think or space to walk away in order to understand the situation better and come up with the best response. I also understand my body better, recognizing the signs of stress, recognizing and listening to warning signs, being in tune and more aware of my surroundings, becoming comfortable about saying no and standing up for myself, and I have a stronger grasp of what I believe and value. This is something that took most of my twenties and honestly will probably be a lifelong process (so I love and am encouraged by those of us who are at different areas of life and are farther along in this process... and I'd love to hear more thoughts or advice... I'm a fan of lifelong learning.)
All that said, if you're familiar with strength finders, I score high in context... history and reflection on the past is important to me. I wanted to write a character in the beginning stage of this process, and as @CathyTea said this is one of the most important journeys you can take. I took a risk writing a character who isn't in the middle of this process or toward the end 1) because I think this is realistic, and 2) because most stories don't do this and I wanted to do something different.
Most people start a story with a character who is already in the change process but I wanted to write a before, middle, and after. I wanted to walk through a character history based on my own journey in some respects with all the glorious creative license that comes with that. There's a lot about Kass that's different from my own experiences because the game and inspiration give me that option.
One thing I love about many of your characters, @CathyTea, is how self aware they are and how beautiful and inspiring that is. Many of my characters are the exact opposite or are in the beginning stages of this so perhaps that's why it creates this intriguing dissonance.
All that being said, @CathyTea I want to step into this with you. My older more mature self doesn't like where Kass is and what she says and does. I'm absolutely mad at her for treating Gage the way she did. I think she could have treated him better, and owned her choices, and she absolutely needs to be honest with herself and with others. She absolutely could've offered to support him, or reconsidered her word choice and spoken in a respectful, kind, loving way while still being honest and authentic to her true self. It's an odd juxtaposition... how I write my characters and how I really think, feel, and believe.
However, I understand where she is because I was there at some point. Maybe not in the exact same ways with the same kinds of people and circumstances, but I recall making dumb choices, not understanding myself, and not taking responsibility for myself and owning my choices, beliefs, and values. I'm a big believer in context as I said previously, understanding why people do what they do and say what they do and not justifying it but explaining if that makes sense. I want to walk through this bumpy ride with Kass. I do want to give you hope she will change and improve and grow and I know where she's going but I know you all don't, but even so I hope to encourage you she will improve. the process may be slow but she will so if you'll hang in there with me, I'd appreciate it.
I think that's a really good direction to have taken the story in--because it happens ALL the time, doesn't it? People not owning up to their feelings, intentions, and decisions--and letting someone else take the heat for what they, themselves, have intended and contributed to bringing about.
And Kass is so young--and hasn't ever been really encouraged to be honest or to take responsibility for her feelings and decisions. So of course it's within character!
Thank you for that. Sometimes I can't tell if people separate my writing from the character's behavior. I figure the quality of my writing is different from reader opinions about my characters but it helps to hear so. Honestly I don't mind respectful disagreement or differing opinions or even constructive criticism but I don't always know unless people engage and discuss with me.
I think you make an excellent point about Kass never being encouraged to be honest or take responsibility. I'm thinking about characters who can help her with that. I think it's invaluable to have a mentor. I've had a few at different seasons of my life and it helped immensely with my growth and confidence. Her character has a lot of potential but right now I see her actions very within her character and personality too. No excuses though.
I don't think this is judging a woman more harshly that a man, on my part. This is me looking at two humans--one of whom was honest about the situation and his feelings, and one of whom wasn't, and as a result, added a bit to her own pain and her friend's.
It was realistic. It doesn't make me like Kass less. I understand it. But I don't feel sorry for her when she contributed to making the breakup more painful than it had to be--and I desperately want her to stop playing games in her relationships and take responsibility for her feelings.
I do think Gage is more self aware than Kass at this juncture. He also understands himself, his desires, and needs more than she does. He's more honest as a result. Kass isn't there yet. Sometimes it takes one person longer than another. Sometimes it's a lifelong journey. It's been a bit since I've written Kass so I'll be coming back to her soonish so I can revisit this subject.
Actually when I started this conversation I was thinking about an actual villainous character coming up in one of my stories not Kass and Gage, but I'm glad we're having this discussion.
Yeah, I agree with all you've written. My perspective is aligned with yours. It's obvious that you aren't where Kass is! You wouldn't be able to write her story so effectively, with so much understanding, insight, and compassion, if you were at this moment at that place! At the same time, I actually can see Kass writing about her experience herself--in a journal or letter--or even just in her own thoughts, and having that same reflection and understanding!
Kass obviously has a very keen, sensitive, astute and alive body--and the unspoken voice of her body informs her intuition, which is very strong. Currently, Kass is cut-off from this wisdom and this whole sense of aliveness. Yet the potential that is there is amazing. She has a rough road ahead to reach that type of integration that will allow her deep wisdom and connection with life to penetrate all of her being. But I also feel that she'll get there and that this is one road worth taking!
(italics added)
The aspect of Kass that drives me as a reader to follow her story with interest is her potential...
Do you know this card from Alana Fairchild? Divine Perfection What I love about it is that it states both where we are now is perfect/as we are now and our path of transformation is the right path for us.
With Kass, that is very true: She's already there, perfect as she is in the moment, at the same time as she is on a path to move into her potentiality--and it is because the nature of that potentiality, as it exists in any moment, is perfection.
I think it's a great choice to start with her where she is!
I wouldn't want anything different from her.
Also, my not feeling sorry for her is different from not feeling compassion for her! I feel great compassion for her. I don't feel sorry for her because her actions and current challenges brought on the dissonance, discomfort, and pain she feels, yet it is these very feelings of dissonance which will help spur her on her growth and discovery.
@AdamsEve wrote: Sometimes I can't tell if people separate my writing from the character's behavior. I figure the quality of my writing is different from reader opinions about my characters but it helps to hear so. Honestly I don't mind respectful disagreement or differing opinions or even constructive criticism but I don't always know unless people engage and discuss with me.
It's always tricky to comment on a story. I'm often on my nook, so my comments are usually not substantive. I like making more detailed comments here, because when I'm here, I'm on my computer, and we can also often get some conversations going, which is harder to do through blog comments.
I've had some dicey experiences with commenting on stories: since we're not in a workshop setting, with established guidelines and procedures, the clarity of separating writer/writing from plot and character aren't always explicit to everyone. While I have this separation ingrained in me through my workshop experiences, I sometimes forget that not everyone does--or they might not realize that that's where I'm operating from.
Often, writers do take comments about characters and characters' behavior personally--and that can be tricky when the characters engage in behavior that readers feel the need to comment on.
It's important to remember, too, that the more impassioned the responses are, the likelier it is that the writing is excellent--for it takes good writing to get readers to care and feel passionately.
@CathyTea Thank you for your kind words. I accept them wholeheartedly. I know my writing has quality and that myself as a writer/my writing/my characters are all separate. When I comment on SimLit, I tend to comment on behavior and perspectives of characters and circumstances and then make comments about the quality of the writing, but generally those two are separate in my mind. However, I'm not sure I always separate them adequately. I am also not sure everyone else operates in the same way.
Kass obviously has a very keen, sensitive, astute and alive body--and the unspoken voice of her body informs her intuition, which is very strong. Currently, Kass is cut-off from this wisdom and this whole sense of aliveness. Yet the potential that is there is amazing. She has a rough road ahead to reach that type of integration that will allow her deep wisdom and connection with life to penetrate all of her being. But I also feel that she'll get there and that this is one road worth taking!
(italics added)
I also appreciate you requoting that section you wrote because I didn't miss it, but I didn't take the time to read it in depth. We're on the same page about her potential. These words are a high compliment... thank you.
I am pretty confident in my abilities, but every once in awhile I have a moment of doubt, as I would imagine all artists do on occasion. It's less about me taking it personally, and more me wondering if I wrote it in a way that conveys what's going on in a clear, straightforward manner regardless of the morals or values of my characters in the scenes. I sometimes wonder if I'm always clear with my explanations in narrative form. I like the forums too because I have the time to think through what I'm saying more clearly and elaborate more readily than in a blog comment. You make a great point - If my readers are passionate in their comments, I know they're invested in my writing, even if they disagree with my characters themselves.
I guess sometimes I'm concerned with whether people will see that potential as I do (which I see you do, @CathyTea) and ride the tides with me, because that's how I view Kass, endlessly ebbing and flowing. Her story is fluid and her character is constantly moving, sometimes back, sometimes forward, sometimes side to side, or I suppose she might leave the water altogether or appear to be sinking beneath the pressures of life. I suppose if someone decides my story is not for them, I would move on with acceptance. I don't expect everyone to weather the storms. And yet I do wonder what I could be doing better as a writer and this is something I'm working through and practicing and learning (as I already know what Kass could be doing better).
I guess sometimes I'm concerned with whether people will see that potential as I do (which I see you do, @CathyTea) and ride the tides with me, because that's how I view Kass, endlessly ebbing and flowing. Her story is fluid and her character is constantly moving, sometimes back, sometimes forward, sometimes side to side, or I suppose she might leave the water altogether or appear to be sinking beneath the pressures of life. I suppose if someone decides my story is not for them, I would move on with acceptance. I don't expect everyone to weather the storms. And yet I do wonder what I could be doing better as a writer and this is something I'm working through and practicing and learning (as I already know what Kass could be doing better).
This is such a good point, @AdamsEve1231 , and I think it's where the writer's courage comes in.
I have the opposite problem (generally) in that, as you mentioned, most of my characters are pretty aware, pretty kind, and pretty good at heart--this isn't by my explicit creative intention. It's more a subconscious reflection of the way I handle SimLit, which is as a scrying tool for life themes that are itching me. It's also a reflection of my style of game-play, which tends to generate those types of Sims. And most of my stories come from interpreting the lives of the Sims in my games... I know I lose a lot of readers because they tire of this style of character! And sometimes, I set out with the intention of writing something different, but unless it's a very short piece, it usually turns this way, anyway! But I'm brave! I write on! Because this is the creative task I've set out for myself and I want to see it through.
In being an observer here at the forums, especially a few years ago, as writers were just getting their feet wet and feeling their ways along, I noticed that many of them would be so saddened and disturbed when their characters were criticized--especially, when they explicitly set out to write villains or characters with real challenges and limitations. And when readers would talk about how much they didn't like their characters, the writers would sort of wither! I always tried to point out that the comments should make them thrilled because they showed how successful their writing was! But, it hurts when the writer falls in love with her character, no matter how villainous, and readers exclaim about how much they don't like the character!
I think that, with Kass's story, it will depend on whether people find that path she's on interesting. For me, it's endlessly interesting--and I find Kass very complex. I really came to love her during I & S, for her moments alone provided her with such reflection that I felt I was getting to know who she is and what her dreams are. I'm also hooked in because of the interconnected aspects of your stories, and the ways that each character is approaching a different dilemma.
I guess sometimes I'm concerned with whether people will see that potential as I do (which I see you do, @CathyTea) and ride the tides with me, because that's how I view Kass, endlessly ebbing and flowing. Her story is fluid and her character is constantly moving, sometimes back, sometimes forward, sometimes side to side, or I suppose she might leave the water altogether or appear to be sinking beneath the pressures of life. I suppose if someone decides my story is not for them, I would move on with acceptance. I don't expect everyone to weather the storms. And yet I do wonder what I could be doing better as a writer and this is something I'm working through and practicing and learning (as I already know what Kass could be doing better).
This is such a good point, @AdamsEve1231 , and I think it's where the writer's courage comes in.
I have the opposite problem (generally) in that, as you mentioned, most of my characters are pretty aware, pretty kind, and pretty good at heart--this isn't by my explicit creative intention. It's more a subconscious reflection of the way I handle SimLit, which is as a scrying tool for life themes that are itching me. It's also a reflection of my style of game-play, which tends to generate those types of Sims. And most of my stories come from interpreting the lives of the Sims in my games... I know I lose a lot of readers because they tire of this style of character! And sometimes, I set out with the intention of writing something different, but unless it's a very short piece, it usually turns this way, anyway! But I'm brave! I write on! Because this is the creative task I've set out for myself and I want to see it through.
In being an observer here at the forums, especially a few years ago, as writers were just getting their feet wet and feeling their ways along, I noticed that many of them would be so saddened and disturbed when their characters were criticized--especially, when they explicitly set out to write villains or characters with real challenges and limitations. And when readers would talk about how much they didn't like their characters, the writers would sort of wither! I always tried to point out that the comments should make them thrilled because they showed how successful their writing was! But, it hurts when the writer falls in love with her character, no matter how villainous, and readers exclaim about how much they don't like the character!
I think that, with Kass's story, it will depend on whether people find that path she's on interesting. For me, it's endlessly interesting--and I find Kass very complex. I really came to love her during I & S, for her moments alone provided her with such reflection that I felt I was getting to know who she is and what her dreams are. I'm also hooked in because of the interconnected aspects of your stories, and the ways that each character is approaching a different dilemma.
i don't think of elsa as mean in my story she is but she also judges aydens behavior more than she looks at her part in causing it.
@MedleyMisty - I was thinking of you when I was reading my latest book, Seventh Plague by James Rollins. There is a line in this book, p. 325...."She reaches the muddy bank and stares yet again at where the world ends in a wall of darkness far beyond the river. The storm eats the sun and is not satisfied." I believe the sun was always eating Seth in the pen pal project. Anyway, thought I would share that with you
Finally got the anxiety quelled enough to see this. Thank you! The quote is beautiful.
And his letters aren't done yet. I am just going through a period of no energy or desire to do much. It'll pass. They always do.
@RipuAncestor I saw your lovely post and I got excited and realized I'm so far behind on Tango but this might give me a chance to catch up.
How are you feeling?
I have a sore throat now, and possibly the beginnings of a cold... bleh! So perhaps we can commiserate. But of course, I'd rather not because I would hope you are beginning to feel much much better.
@AdamsEve1231 This is a great chance to catch up, as I'm now on a hiatus with Tango so I can take my other stories out of their hiatuses and develop my ideas for Tango's next story arcs.
I'm feeling better and better, but still not 100%. Yesterday my voice was pretty much gone, and this morning it's better but still not great. That's the only thing that kind of worries me about going to work now because I kinda sorta need my voice A LOT there. Thankfully I happen to have a shorter work day today so I can rest a bit more.
I hope you won't get too sick and that your sore throat goes away soon.
My Sims stories: The Fey of Life - fairytales in life are few and far between (Forum thread HERE) The Chrysanthemum Tango - a story about life, death, magic, and how to be a good landlady (Forum thread HERE) Forget-Me-Not - some things just refuse to stay buried; an Ambrosia Challenge story (Forum thread HERE)
I've been on a roll with La Vita Bella chapters. I have written through the first part, and now I'm taking a break and focusing on another unrelated story - Darkness May Dream.
You can find the latest La Vita Bella chapters here.
This is, by far, one of my favorite pictures of the series... I adore Emit.
I thought it was particularly funny that Dorian decided to flirt with his wife, Maccaria when they were mourning her brother's death.
Also I really enjoyed running around in the world, Arcadia created by Money1000125. It's a beautiful small post-apocolyptic town perfect for tales on Kr'v.
This picture is from my most recent chapter with Kerrin, who escaped from the fringes of Wraith and lives exiled in Ar'kadia... yes, I renamed it for the sake of the story. I really want to explore the place more and I'm considering writing a homeless teen challenge story spinoff just for Kerrin and her alien babies, Eris and Erin. We'll see. I'm trying to get to a good stopping point with DMD first.
i don't think of elsa as mean in my story she is but she also judges aydens behavior more than she looks at her part in causing it.[/quote]
@friendsfan367 I don't remember Elsa being critical in your original story. Maybe she was and I'm forgetting. This is an interesting point, and I think it's fairly realistic. Kass struggles with this too. She can be judgmental of others, but not take responsibility for her own part in the problem, or she doesn't recognize she caused a problem in the first place. I think she's improving some... but very slowly. Do you think Elsa will improve?
@AdamsEve1231 It's been great to catch up with DMD again! The chapters have been really intense.
My Sims stories: The Fey of Life - fairytales in life are few and far between (Forum thread HERE) The Chrysanthemum Tango - a story about life, death, magic, and how to be a good landlady (Forum thread HERE) Forget-Me-Not - some things just refuse to stay buried; an Ambrosia Challenge story (Forum thread HERE)
@RipuAncestor Thank you. I'm ramping up to the conclusion of the first generation.
I've been thinking about a WordPress version for Gen 2 in addition to my Simblr... or at least a teaser chapter on WP, with the full chapter on Tumblr. I'm also working on reviving another story of mine related to DMD.
I have several spinoff story ideas for DMD also. Already mentioned the neighborhood rotation. I've got a siblings Starting Over challenge story and a possible homeless teen mom challenge story with Kerrin, and maybe follow-up with Nebula and Lord Olaf. So many ideas floating around. I feel like I should pick one or two. Or should I just go for it and launch them at different times?
Thoughts, everyone? Who would you like to see a story about?
i wish my writers block would go away. and i'm seeing Brian thursday that usually makes it worse not better. but i told cathtea then i get to blame him for my not updating. lol.
Well, I did it! I moved the Secret Identity of Jessica Rossum (SIJR) story to a brand new WordPress site - Stories from the Dark Universe (SFDU). This is because SIJR takes place in an alternate dark universe... think Star Trek's Mirror Universe... if you're familiar with it. And SIJR also takes place in the same universe as DMD.
Stories from the Dark (Sims) Universe
a collection of fractured fairy tales and stories from my alternate Sims dark universe
I have a boatload of announcements, updates, and a reader poll for my new series, Reap No More (RNM) which will feature Sims' stories from the DMD Universe in a neigborhood rotation kind-of way, and my summer reading recommendations on all my major blogs, but the KCLKF blog features the actual poll so you can add your two cents for RNM.
SIJR will feature carry-over and characters from DMD.
Gen 2 of DMD is coming soon! Woot! SFDU will also have WP versions of Gen 2 DMD chapters for all my WP reader fans.
I'm also looking for feedback on Gen 1 of DMD and arc 1 of La Vita Bella. Read the post for more details, but feel free to chime in here.
Comments
And... I made that comment on my nook which tends to strip all nuance off of my communication and lead me to be short-answered...
So, let me say why I don't feel sorry for Kass (and feel a little ticked off at her in that scene)
Now I understand she's young, inexperienced, and hasn't yet grown into her innate wisdom, kindness, compassion, and love. And I know all of that will come, with time. I trust her to make the tough journey.
At the same time, viewing the scene as an a.se.xual who is nearly 40 years older than Kass--and who HAS been through that tough journey to learn to trust body awareness and wisdom and the very tough and challenging decades-long lessons of learning to distinguish between intuition/inner knowing and the chatter of mind/noise of conditioning... I can see how where she is now causes a lot of pain to her and those in her life.
Here's what ticked me off: She woke up realizing she was still in love with Davis. She woke up feeling it was the best thing to break up with him. I admire her for coming to that realization--and I was very proud of her for knowing herself and her feelings AND especially, for admitting them to herself (so that part didn't make me mad at her--that part made me admire her.)
What made me mad was that when Gage said he needed to break things off, she didn't say, "Oh. I'm sad, but also relieved. Because, you see, I came to that same conclusion myself, Gage. I love you so much as a friend, Gage, and I have so much good will towards you. I hope we'll always be friends and support each other. My romantic energy, right now, is still directed towards someone else, I'm afraid. So, I think it's best that we're both feeling it's time to separate for a while. At least for now."
Now, granted--that's not Kass's style. But she caused herself and Gage so much pain by laying the whole break-up on him, when she had already decided that she had to break up, too!
I think that's a really good direction to have taken the story in--because it happens ALL the time, doesn't it? People not owning up to their feelings, intentions, and decisions--and letting someone else take the heat for what they, themselves, have intended and contributed to bringing about.
And Kass is so young--and hasn't ever been really encouraged to be honest or to take responsibility for her feelings and decisions. So of course it's within character!
But I don't think she understands how much extra pain she caused by not owning up to her own realizations about the relationship, and by letting Gage take all the blame for breaking up.
Then--when his heart is breaking--she gets offended because he won't give her a hug back!
I don't think this is judging a woman more harshly that a man, on my part. This is me looking at two humans--one of whom was honest about the situation and his feelings, and one of whom wasn't, and as a result, added a bit to her own pain and her friend's.
It was realistic. It doesn't make me like Kass less. I understand it. But I don't feel sorry for her when she contributed to making the breakup more painful than it had to be--and I desperately want her to stop playing games in her relationships and take responsibility for her feelings.
And... if any readers or writers have been in Kass's position--please know I am not judging you! And I have utmost compassion for you.
It takes a lot of growth, strength, and support to have that kind of honesty...
Also...
YES! I did this a lot before I was around 30... It took me a lot of time to learn to distinguish between intuition/inner knowing and mind-chatter/conditioned thoughts (or internalized thoughts of others). And remember that comment I made (I think here in this thread) after you posted the chapter of Kass's POV?
That was pointing out how, because of those two chapters (so well-written!), I was able to see how this is really the current major learning that Kass is doing--or about to do. She's got incredible intuition--but she hasn't yet begun to listen to it yet or to discern between it and her very chattery mind (not to mention her projections of others' expectations).
And, again for readers/writers--no judgments if you've been there/are there! Seriously, this is one of the most important journeys a person can take, so to recognize that it's a thing is SO awesome! And to write about it and read about it is even more awesome!
Do you also play The Elder Scrolls Online? You can find me there as CathyTea, too!
Anyway, here it is:
Chapter 45: The Not Quite Perfect Life
Endings. Beginnings. It’s not perfect, but when is life perfect anyway?
Thank you all for your support, my awesome readers! Have a good day, everyone!
The Fey of Life - fairytales in life are few and far between (Forum thread HERE)
The Chrysanthemum Tango - a story about life, death, magic, and how to be a good landlady (Forum thread HERE)
Forget-Me-Not - some things just refuse to stay buried; an Ambrosia Challenge story (Forum thread HERE)
All that said, if you're familiar with strength finders, I score high in context... history and reflection on the past is important to me. I wanted to write a character in the beginning stage of this process, and as @CathyTea said this is one of the most important journeys you can take. I took a risk writing a character who isn't in the middle of this process or toward the end 1) because I think this is realistic, and 2) because most stories don't do this and I wanted to do something different.
Most people start a story with a character who is already in the change process but I wanted to write a before, middle, and after. I wanted to walk through a character history based on my own journey in some respects with all the glorious creative license that comes with that. There's a lot about Kass that's different from my own experiences because the game and inspiration give me that option.
One thing I love about many of your characters, @CathyTea, is how self aware they are and how beautiful and inspiring that is. Many of my characters are the exact opposite or are in the beginning stages of this so perhaps that's why it creates this intriguing dissonance.
All that being said, @CathyTea I want to step into this with you. My older more mature self doesn't like where Kass is and what she says and does. I'm absolutely mad at her for treating Gage the way she did. I think she could have treated him better, and owned her choices, and she absolutely needs to be honest with herself and with others. She absolutely could've offered to support him, or reconsidered her word choice and spoken in a respectful, kind, loving way while still being honest and authentic to her true self. It's an odd juxtaposition... how I write my characters and how I really think, feel, and believe.
However, I understand where she is because I was there at some point. Maybe not in the exact same ways with the same kinds of people and circumstances, but I recall making dumb choices, not understanding myself, and not taking responsibility for myself and owning my choices, beliefs, and values. I'm a big believer in context as I said previously, understanding why people do what they do and say what they do and not justifying it but explaining if that makes sense. I want to walk through this bumpy ride with Kass. I do want to give you hope she will change and improve and grow and I know where she's going but I know you all don't, but even so I hope to encourage you she will improve.
Thank you for that. Sometimes I can't tell if people separate my writing from the character's behavior. I figure the quality of my writing is different from reader opinions about my characters but it helps to hear so. Honestly I don't mind respectful disagreement or differing opinions or even constructive criticism but I don't always know unless people engage and discuss with me.
I think you make an excellent point about Kass never being encouraged to be honest or take responsibility. I'm thinking about characters who can help her with that. I think it's invaluable to have a mentor. I've had a few at different seasons of my life and it helped immensely with my growth and confidence. Her character has a lot of potential but right now I see her actions very within her character and personality too. No excuses though.
I do think Gage is more self aware than Kass at this juncture. He also understands himself, his desires, and needs more than she does. He's more honest as a result. Kass isn't there yet. Sometimes it takes one person longer than another. Sometimes it's a lifelong journey. It's been a bit since I've written Kass so I'll be coming back to her soonish so I can revisit this subject.
Actually when I started this conversation I was thinking about an actual villainous character coming up in one of my stories not Kass and Gage, but I'm glad we're having this discussion.
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I'm not sure if you caught this bit that I wrote a while back...
(italics added)
The aspect of Kass that drives me as a reader to follow her story with interest is her potential...
Do you know this card from Alana Fairchild? Divine Perfection
What I love about it is that it states both where we are now is perfect/as we are now and our path of transformation is the right path for us.
With Kass, that is very true: She's already there, perfect as she is in the moment, at the same time as she is on a path to move into her potentiality--and it is because the nature of that potentiality, as it exists in any moment, is perfection.
I think it's a great choice to start with her where she is!
I wouldn't want anything different from her.
Also, my not feeling sorry for her is different from not feeling compassion for her! I feel great compassion for her. I don't feel sorry for her because her actions and current challenges brought on the dissonance, discomfort, and pain she feels, yet it is these very feelings of dissonance which will help spur her on her growth and discovery.
It's always tricky to comment on a story. I'm often on my nook, so my comments are usually not substantive. I like making more detailed comments here, because when I'm here, I'm on my computer, and we can also often get some conversations going, which is harder to do through blog comments.
I've had some dicey experiences with commenting on stories: since we're not in a workshop setting, with established guidelines and procedures, the clarity of separating writer/writing from plot and character aren't always explicit to everyone. While I have this separation ingrained in me through my workshop experiences, I sometimes forget that not everyone does--or they might not realize that that's where I'm operating from.
Often, writers do take comments about characters and characters' behavior personally--and that can be tricky when the characters engage in behavior that readers feel the need to comment on.
It's important to remember, too, that the more impassioned the responses are, the likelier it is that the writing is excellent--for it takes good writing to get readers to care and feel passionately.
Do you also play The Elder Scrolls Online? You can find me there as CathyTea, too!
I also appreciate you requoting that section you wrote because I didn't miss it, but I didn't take the time to read it in depth. We're on the same page about her potential.
I am pretty confident in my abilities, but every once in awhile I have a moment of doubt, as I would imagine all artists do on occasion. It's less about me taking it personally, and more me wondering if I wrote it in a way that conveys what's going on in a clear, straightforward manner regardless of the morals or values of my characters in the scenes. I sometimes wonder if I'm always clear with my explanations in narrative form. I like the forums too because I have the time to think through what I'm saying more clearly and elaborate more readily than in a blog comment. You make a great point - If my readers are passionate in their comments, I know they're invested in my writing, even if they disagree with my characters themselves.
I guess sometimes I'm concerned with whether people will see that potential as I do (which I see you do, @CathyTea) and ride the tides with me, because that's how I view Kass, endlessly ebbing and flowing. Her story is fluid and her character is constantly moving, sometimes back, sometimes forward, sometimes side to side, or I suppose she might leave the water altogether or appear to be sinking beneath the pressures of life. I suppose if someone decides my story is not for them, I would move on with acceptance. I don't expect everyone to weather the storms. And yet I do wonder what I could be doing better as a writer and this is something I'm working through and practicing and learning (as I already know what Kass could be doing better).
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This is such a good point, @AdamsEve1231 , and I think it's where the writer's courage comes in.
I have the opposite problem (generally) in that, as you mentioned, most of my characters are pretty aware, pretty kind, and pretty good at heart--this isn't by my explicit creative intention. It's more a subconscious reflection of the way I handle SimLit, which is as a scrying tool for life themes that are itching me. It's also a reflection of my style of game-play, which tends to generate those types of Sims. And most of my stories come from interpreting the lives of the Sims in my games... I know I lose a lot of readers because they tire of this style of character! And sometimes, I set out with the intention of writing something different, but unless it's a very short piece, it usually turns this way, anyway! But I'm brave! I write on! Because this is the creative task I've set out for myself and I want to see it through.
In being an observer here at the forums, especially a few years ago, as writers were just getting their feet wet and feeling their ways along, I noticed that many of them would be so saddened and disturbed when their characters were criticized--especially, when they explicitly set out to write villains or characters with real challenges and limitations. And when readers would talk about how much they didn't like their characters, the writers would sort of wither! I always tried to point out that the comments should make them thrilled because they showed how successful their writing was! But, it hurts when the writer falls in love with her character, no matter how villainous, and readers exclaim about how much they don't like the character!
I think that, with Kass's story, it will depend on whether people find that path she's on interesting. For me, it's endlessly interesting--and I find Kass very complex. I really came to love her during I & S, for her moments alone provided her with such reflection that I felt I was getting to know who she is and what her dreams are. I'm also hooked in because of the interconnected aspects of your stories, and the ways that each character is approaching a different dilemma.
Do you also play The Elder Scrolls Online? You can find me there as CathyTea, too!
i don't think of elsa as mean in my story she is but she also judges aydens behavior more than she looks at her part in causing it.
Finally got the anxiety quelled enough to see this. Thank you! The quote is beautiful.
And his letters aren't done yet.
How are you feeling?
I have a sore throat now, and possibly the beginnings of a cold... bleh! So perhaps we can commiserate.
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I'm feeling better and better, but still not 100%. Yesterday my voice was pretty much gone, and this morning it's better but still not great. That's the only thing that kind of worries me about going to work now because I kinda sorta need my voice A LOT there.
I hope you won't get too sick and that your sore throat goes away soon.
The Fey of Life - fairytales in life are few and far between (Forum thread HERE)
The Chrysanthemum Tango - a story about life, death, magic, and how to be a good landlady (Forum thread HERE)
Forget-Me-Not - some things just refuse to stay buried; an Ambrosia Challenge story (Forum thread HERE)
You can find the latest La Vita Bella chapters here.
This is, by far, one of my favorite pictures of the series... I adore Emit.
Also my latest Darkness May Dream chapters:
This Endless Darkness
Time
A Mother's Wrath
Also I really enjoyed running around in the world, Arcadia created by Money1000125. It's a beautiful small post-apocolyptic town perfect for tales on Kr'v.
This picture is from my most recent chapter with Kerrin, who escaped from the fringes of Wraith and lives exiled in Ar'kadia... yes, I renamed it for the sake of the story. I really want to explore the place more and I'm considering writing a homeless teen challenge story spinoff just for Kerrin and her alien babies, Eris and Erin. We'll see. I'm trying to get to a good stopping point with DMD first.
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i don't think of elsa as mean in my story she is but she also judges aydens behavior more than she looks at her part in causing it.[/quote]
@friendsfan367 I don't remember Elsa being critical in your original story. Maybe she was and I'm forgetting. This is an interesting point, and I think it's fairly realistic. Kass struggles with this too. She can be judgmental of others, but not take responsibility for her own part in the problem, or she doesn't recognize she caused a problem in the first place. I think she's improving some... but very slowly. Do you think Elsa will improve?
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Melania is threatened, and Cora Mae must figure out how to protect her daughter.
Threat (DMD) (NSFW)
In order to protect her daughter, Cora Mae does the unthinkable...
Prisoner (DMD) (NSFW)
...with dire consequences
Innocence Lost (DMD)
I'm also thinking of doing somewhat of a neighborhood rotation in Wraith and tell stories of the other families in the capitol city.
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The Fey of Life - fairytales in life are few and far between (Forum thread HERE)
The Chrysanthemum Tango - a story about life, death, magic, and how to be a good landlady (Forum thread HERE)
Forget-Me-Not - some things just refuse to stay buried; an Ambrosia Challenge story (Forum thread HERE)
I've been thinking about a WordPress version for Gen 2 in addition to my Simblr... or at least a teaser chapter on WP, with the full chapter on Tumblr. I'm also working on reviving another story of mine related to DMD.
I have several spinoff story ideas for DMD also. Already mentioned the neighborhood rotation. I've got a siblings Starting Over challenge story and a possible homeless teen mom challenge story with Kerrin, and maybe follow-up with Nebula and Lord Olaf. So many ideas floating around. I feel like I should pick one or two. Or should I just go for it and launch them at different times?
Thoughts, everyone? Who would you like to see a story about?
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Part One, Uni Years comes to a close in La Vita Bella. You can read the latest chapter here.
I am focused on DMD and the DMD alternate universe right now but I'll come back and write Part 2 soon.
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Find me elsewhere:
My EA App ID: livinasimminlife
Livin' A Simmin' Life Stories
My Worldbuilding Blog
Simblr
My Sims Pinterest
Find me elsewhere:
My EA App ID: livinasimminlife
Livin' A Simmin' Life Stories
My Worldbuilding Blog
Simblr
My Sims Pinterest
i wish my writers block would go away. and i'm seeing Brian thursday that usually makes it worse not better. but i told cathtea then i get to blame him for my not updating. lol.
i apreciate that. my comments are broke so i can't reply.
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Stories from the Dark (Sims) Universe
a collection of fractured fairy tales and stories from my alternate Sims dark universe
I have a boatload of announcements, updates, and a reader poll for my new series, Reap No More (RNM) which will feature Sims' stories from the DMD Universe in a neigborhood rotation kind-of way, and my summer reading recommendations on all my major blogs, but the KCLKF blog features the actual poll so you can add your two cents for RNM.
SIJR will feature carry-over and characters from DMD.
Gen 2 of DMD is coming soon! Woot! SFDU will also have WP versions of Gen 2 DMD chapters for all my WP reader fans.
I'm also looking for feedback on Gen 1 of DMD and arc 1 of La Vita Bella. Read the post for more details, but feel free to chime in here.
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And I'll bring fresh cantaloupe for the vegetarian/vegan peeps! It tastes so good here this time of year.
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