Children in the dark make accidents, but accidents in the dark make children
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Some people are like slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
First things first, but not necessarily in that order
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He’ll shut up once you let him in
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
I would link where I found these jokes at but some of the jokes are not appropriate.
What did sailor Saturn say to Sailor Moon when she bent over ? I can see Uranus from here .
What did Goku say to Piccolo to end the conversation? I'm just Saiyan
Why didn't Gimli participate in the fighting tournament ? He was afraid he'd dwarf the competition
What did sailor Saturn say to Sailor Moon when she bent over ? I can see Uranus from here .
What did Goku say to Piccolo to end the conversation? I'm just Saiyan
Why didn't Gimli participate in the fighting tournament ? He was afraid he'd dwarf the competition
You are right, they are bad...but still funny in an unexpected way :
If a man speaks and no women are around is he still wrong ?
Why didn't one lamb speak to the other ? They were a little sheepish
Why was the tree making so much noise? It wanted to opine .
Why didn't the chick cross the road ? It was a little chicken
Why didn't the Romulan return to his ship after talking to Spock ? He was vulcanized
Why didn't the priest cast a shadow ? It was a Sunday
Why Did the demon never return from the gym? He was exercised
Why did the roleplayer leave in the middle of the game? He went rogue
* I don't know why I don't like fragrant candles, it just doesn't make scents.
* I used to be a banker... but I lost interest.
* I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy.
* Wow, I never knew eating clocks were so time consuming!
* Better watch the thyme... I can't afford to lose more herbs.
(I'm literally taking all these off my facebook. Yes, I am the lamest person ever.)
How did Mary Jane die ? She was a chronic smoker
Did you hear about the lawsuit? People were upset only one company made monopoly .
Why didn't the cat eat the birds on the beach? It didn't like baskin robins
why dont linguists like the federal government ? Because congress is the opposite of progress
Not sure if this has already been posted - I saw a man throwing Scrabble tiles on the road - that's the word on the street. A rubbish rendition of a great Tim Vine joke.
can you make sword in box light sword so sword come out when opened? then if sword is back after sword, use light saber on box, and saber will boxed after sword is out.
Also... All my family are police snipers, except my granddad, who was a bank robber. At the end of his life, he died, surrounded by his family. That's a version of a Milton Jones joke.
can you make sword in box light sword so sword come out when opened? then if sword is back after sword, use light saber on box, and saber will boxed after sword is out.
Comments
Children in the dark make accidents, but accidents in the dark make children
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Some people are like slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
First things first, but not necessarily in that order
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He’ll shut up once you let him in
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
I would link where I found these jokes at but some of the jokes are not appropriate.
I just love baskin’ robins.
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool.
I gave him a glass of water.
Why did the scarecrow get a raise?
He was outstanding in his field.
What did sailor Saturn say to Sailor Moon when she bent over ? I can see Uranus from here .
What did Goku say to Piccolo to end the conversation? I'm just Saiyan
Why didn't Gimli participate in the fighting tournament ? He was afraid he'd dwarf the competition
You are right, they are bad...but still funny in an unexpected way :
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent.
A man was arrested for stealing helium balloons, police held him for a while then let him go.
come on man you can do better on that last one . here let me fix it for you
A man was arrested for stealing helium balloons , when police arrested him they said he was high as a kite .
While in an argument with someone they said " bite me " so i did
What do dislexic atheists hate more than anything ? dog
We used to tell a similar joke when we were small children. It was so funny back then.
Me: Hey you know what I heard?
Dad: Sheep?
Every. Time.
If a man speaks and no women are around is he still wrong ?
Why didn't one lamb speak to the other ? They were a little sheepish
Why was the tree making so much noise? It wanted to opine .
Why didn't the chick cross the road ? It was a little chicken
Why didn't the Romulan return to his ship after talking to Spock ? He was vulcanized
Why didn't the priest cast a shadow ? It was a Sunday
Why Did the demon never return from the gym? He was exercised
Why did the roleplayer leave in the middle of the game? He went rogue
* I don't know why I don't like fragrant candles, it just doesn't make scents.
* I used to be a banker... but I lost interest.
* I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy.
* Wow, I never knew eating clocks were so time consuming!
* Better watch the thyme... I can't afford to lose more herbs.
(I'm literally taking all these off my facebook. Yes, I am the lamest person ever.)
Did you hear about the lawsuit? People were upset only one company made monopoly .
Why didn't the cat eat the birds on the beach? It didn't like baskin robins
why dont linguists like the federal government ? Because congress is the opposite of progress
You didn't catch me out with that one. Lol. (I've seen this before).
However, I had to click on it afterwards to check if I was right...So you win!