Hi all, I've been feeling rather low recently and so I thought that instead of bottling it up as par usual, I will come here and talk about it.
I have a really awesome best friend, who is the sweetest person that I know. Her life as been anything but great yet she is very caring and always sends me texts, listens to my troubles and asks how I am, she even knows when I'm upset which amazes me since it's a long distance friendship but we are rather close. Anyways although she is really lovely to me, she is like her own worst enemy..the same way that I am, I suppose but it really upsets me the way that she sees herself. I always tell her the truth about my opinion of her but she never seems to take it into account, she says that she believes me but I have never in the entire time that I have known her, known her say anything remarkably nice about herself. Once she told me that she was jealous of me, of my personality, my hair, my morals, everything and that she wished that she could be me..I was so gutted by her tex that I burst into tears at the sheer sadness of her tex, I just couldn't understand why someone who I thought was amazing, wished they was like me.
She is currently struggling with a issue that I had years ago and so I understand why she feels the way she does, because I felt a similar way but not as bad. I won't go into her issue because it's a rather sensitive subject for me, but we have our days when we discuss this issue and it leaves me wanting to rip my hair out because I feel like whenever I see a glimmer of hope within her..someone in her life comes along and destroys all that I have achieved with her. I feel helpless the majority of the time but I refuse to give up on her, simply because I didn't really have any friends to get me through it. I'm not a shamed of my past issue as it as made me the person that I am today but I am certainly not proud of myself and it will haunt me for the rest of my life as it will her. I know I cannot fix her problems but I really want to help her. I think thats whats upsetting me the most..is that deep down..I know that no matter how much I try..I cannot do it for her, she has to confront her issues.
As ways, the reason I am writing this..is not really for advise but to off load. I don't really feel any better for writing this but I will post it anyways..just so that I have gotten it off my chest.
Hi all, I've been feeling rather low recently and so I thought that instead of bottling it up as par usual, I will come here and talk about it.
I have a really awesome best friend, who is the sweetest person that I know. Her life as been anything but great yet she is very caring and always sends me texts, listens to my troubles and asks how I am, she even knows when I'm upset which amazes me since it's a long distance friendship but we are rather close. Anyways although she is really lovely to me, she is like her own worst enemy..the same way that I am, I suppose but it really upsets me the way that she sees herself. I always tell her the truth about my opinion of her but she never seems to take it into account, she says that she believes me but I have never in the entire time that I have known her, known her say anything remarkably nice about herself. Once she told me that she was jealous of me, of my personality, my hair, my morals, everything and that she wished that she could be me..I was so gutted by her tex that I burst into tears at the sheer sadness of her tex, I just couldn't understand why someone who I thought was amazing, wished they was like me.
She is currently struggling with a issue that I had years ago and so I understand why she feels the way she does, because I felt a similar way but not as bad. I won't go into her issue because it's a rather sensitive subject for me, but we have our days when we discuss this issue and it leaves me wanting to rip my hair out because I feel like whenever I see a glimmer of hope within her..someone in her life comes along and destroys all that I have achieved with her. I feel helpless the majority of the time but I refuse to give up on her, simply because I didn't really have any friends to get me through it. I'm not a shamed of my past issue as it as made me the person that I am today but I am certainly not proud of myself and it will haunt me for the rest of my life as it will her. I know I cannot fix her problems but I really want to help her. I think thats whats upsetting me the most..is that deep down..I know that no matter how much I try..I cannot do it for her, she has to confront her issues. As ways, the reason I am writing this..is not really for advise but to off load. I don't really feel any better for writing this but I will post it anyways..just so that I have gotten it off my chest.
I know that feeling, sweetie. Sometimes, just getting it off your chest is the best thing to do. And that's what this thread is here for -- a ear to listen, as well as a shoulder to cry on if need be. I'm so glad we could be here for you, to listen and help.
And I know you weren't asking for advice, but may I offer some nonetheless? This may seem obvious, so forgive me if it is. Please, just continue to be there for her. I don't want to pry and demand to know what the problem is, but it sounds to me like you're the only person who is really there for your friend right now. Even if others come along and smash your progress with her like a bull in a china shop, the important part is to stick around and keep rebuilding her. (Also to get those people away from her or her away from them, but that's another problem to tackle.)
It will be frustrating as all-get-out, and for good reason, but you must persist. I know you have a kind heart that seeks to help, and I know that kind hearts can be hurt by such things as this. But I also know that your kind heart is strong -- you have the fortitude to keep going, to do what must be done. I know you can do it. I have faith in you, and so does your friend. You can do it, and so can she!
When I went through what she is currently going through, I was a lot younger and my friends turned against me and they didn't do it quietly either. I have no intentions of doing that to her, I know deep down that I cannot help her as it is something that she needs to do herself but I can at least be there for her and thats just as important. I can't get her away from those people as they are mainly her family or an ex.
I am bookmarking this thread now!
I was looking for it earlier today, to vent out some frustrations over some RL stuff that has just gone every wrong way it possibly could the past few days.
I just found out my uncle has cancer, we don't know much more and neither does he. :< I hate cancer so much and I know my uncle is a strong guy. I'm so scared.
Hi TheFairyBug! I'm sorry for not getting back to you sooner. I do remember seeing this, but I have just been so swamped that I haven't had the chance to relax and get in touch with some emotions, to discuss. I hope that makes sense! Please, be prepared for a looooooong post.
Thank you for your thoughts. I think the restraining order may be a thing for the future; if he were to actually do anything, I have just as much right now to call the police as I would then, y'know? I think the restraining order would mostly be a matter of making myself feel better, but I do see it potentially causing harm. He's called a few times, which has upset me, but hasn't shown up at the house again. Of course, if things get worse I know a lot more about the process, so I think I'm better equipped to deal with it all, if need be.
With my counsellor, she just kept saying that it is EVERYONE else's fault that I'm self-reliant, especially emotionally. I suppose in a way there is some truth to it, and I could even admit that at the time, but when I tried to find out how to deal with this better, she just couldn't help me. She just KEPT SAYING over and over and over again that I needed to stop 'shouldering the burden' on my own. It was literally no help, and I think the whole thing was a little ridiculous. To be honest, my feelings are my own and they're not the responsibility of others; every is really just doing the best they can and, in my life, right now I'm the only one who's really struggling. That doesn't make my mother or my brother lesser people; they have a full plate and are doing everything THEY can, already.
She even tried to blame you guys, because she says that the forums simply foster my need to overextend myself by helping others; she seems to have absolutely no respect for the fact that here I have met people I could NEVER meet anywhere else. You guys share my passion for Sims first and foremost, and I've never met someone in my 'real' life where that's been the case. I also have been far more selfish here than I care to admit, constantly allowing myself to be gifted and seeking comfort from friends in this thread; it's only baby steps, but if anything the forums have helped me learn to accept the help of others, so I'm not just doing it all on my own.
As for the drugs matter, it's a sore spot with me because of my dad (that's where a lot of issues have come from), as well as other family members and friends. To be honest, I'm at a place in my life where the only people who haven't been entirely transformed and damaged by actually using drugs is my boyfriend and I, because we won't touch the stuff -- and, as scary as that sounds, I'm really not exaggerating. I know that plenty of people I love have now moved away from that, and it doesn't bother me so long as it is firmly in their past. So I know that she wasn't exactly advocating for drug use, but she was saying things like "well, everyone does that sometimes". I don't know, but that thinking doesn't sit well with me. Whether or not someone does it is none of my business, but I shouldn't have to be okay with something illegal and something that I have seen cause a lot of damage, ever. It really felt like she was defending her own habits, more than trying to help me.
But I do understand what you mean about quitting because you're uncomfortable. I was really worried about that too, but that woman was starting to do more harm than good. I've been trying to track down another counsellor I can see, either free or quite cheap, but no luck as of yet. I'm hoping when semester ends (which should really be any day now, once I get marks back and finalise submitting of some articles to different publications) that I might have a better chance to really look into someone who WILL help. I want to learn coping techniques for when everything becomes so stressful and overwhelming, and this woman had no interest in doing that whatsoever.
With medicating, that's exactly how I feel. I've seen people do well taking anti-depressants, relaxants, what have you, but I've seen the other side, too; like I said, right now I want to learn how to cope better, and I don't feel like medication will do that for me. It'll get me through, but if I do that now, it's going to be a lifelong thing. I want to grow as a person, because it feels like I need that. I'm not opposed to it though, if the right time comes.
As for me, I'm. . . okay. I'm kind of going through some stuff right now. To be honest, that's why I checked in on this thread. It's my family situation. I seem to be stuck in a bad cycle: I spend time with my sisters, they hurt me, I swear I'm done with them, and then I think better of it and let them back into my life. Lather, rinse, repeat.
It's not your JOB. That doesn't mean you can't love them or help them, but it is not your job. They may very well need you, too, but I believe there's a certain balance -- you can only hurt yourself so much to help others. If they can't even admit it and they're not respecting you or treating you even remotely okay, please don't take it. It doesn't mean you have to be rude or give up all hope, but maybe distancing is something to think about. Not entirely, but maybe try explaining that they're hurting you and you need some time to deal with your own things. It's hard to say, of course, without knowing the full story, but that will give you an opportunity to withdraw a little. You can still keep in touch and make sure they're okay, but right now I'm a big advocate for taking care of yourself.
Hi all, I've been feeling rather low recently and so I thought that instead of bottling it up as par usual, I will come here and talk about it.
I understand how hard this is. My boyfriend and I are long distance, actually, and we seem to struggle with that same thing of talking badly about ourselves. He hates his job, he tells me how stupid he is if he messes up a car at work, I tell him I'm so worthless I can't even write an essay, etc. Oddly enough, he's actually the best at his dealership (he's a mechanic) and I'm probably the best student in most of my classes, but we're both hard on ourselves,and it kills us both to see the other one being so hard on his/herself. I hope that makes sense.
Anyway, as you said, you are hard on yourself, too, so you need to try to keep that in perspective. As well, when she said she was jealous of you -- of course she is! With the way she is feeling right now, bad things are happening to her and she probably wants to be anyone else in the world. The grass is always greener on the other side, remember? Obviously, I can't speak to what is going on in her world, but it sounds like she needs you to be there and supportive, unconditionally.
I'm trying to cope with finding a new job, my brother being sent overseas and also being alone at home. I could use some cheering up.
Hi Stormcat! I'm so sorry you're going through so much transition. I don't really know your situation, but you just need to keep in mind that there are people who love you -- you may be alone at home, but you have us just in that computer! I don't know how I can help, except to say that my thoughts are with you.
I just found out my uncle has cancer, we don't know much more and neither does he. :< I hate cancer so much and I know my uncle is a strong guy. I'm so scared.
That's such a terrible thing to be going through, not just for your uncle but you and the rest of your family. Cancer is a scary thing, but it's something that I think we just about all go through at some point now. That doesn't make it less scary, but you're not alone. I hope he gets better and responds well to treatment, as many cancer patients do. There is absolutely hope, and just know that the friends in this thread are thinking of you and your family at this time.
a.k.a. Erin
Check out The Simdex—my PDF guide to all of the Sims 3 Store content (last updated September 2015)
I'm trying to cope with finding a new job, my brother being sent overseas and also being alone at home. I could use some cheering up.
I wish you luck with finding a new job
It's gonna be a change, your brother going overseas, but like all these things, you'll get used to it sooner than you think. What's better is nowadays, there's all sorts of ways to contact them - by phone, email, Facebook, Twitter, whatever. We're lucky enough to have skype in this day and age, so you could even talk to him face-to-face! It won't be the same, but think of all the adventures he'll be having abroard, and that will probably put a smile on your face
I just found out my uncle has cancer, we don't know much more and neither does he. :< I hate cancer so much and I know my uncle is a strong guy. I'm so scared.
That's a horrible thing to find out! With things like this there's no advice we can actually give, as I know I cannot change anything with words. All you can do is be there with him. You say you don't know how bad it is - so why he's still in good health, take all the time you can to spend time with him, and make him happier too! He's gonna be feeling down himself right now, and if you can cheer him up and make him happier, then you can live with the joyous feeling that you made what could've been the worst part of his life into something he can look back on and remember with happiness
I have a really awesome best friend, who is the sweetest person that I know. Her life as been anything but great yet she is very caring and always sends me texts, listens to my troubles and asks how I am, she even knows when I'm upset which amazes me since it's a long distance friendship but we are rather close. Anyways although she is really lovely to me, she is like her own worst enemy..the same way that I am, I suppose but it really upsets me the way that she sees herself. I always tell her the truth about my opinion of her but she never seems to take it into account, she says that she believes me but I have never in the entire time that I have known her, known her say anything remarkably nice about herself. Once she told me that she was jealous of me, of my personality, my hair, my morals, everything and that she wished that she could be me..I was so gutted by her tex that I burst into tears at the sheer sadness of her tex, I just couldn't understand why someone who I thought was amazing, wished they was like me.
She is currently struggling with a issue that I had years ago and so I understand why she feels the way she does, because I felt a similar way but not as bad. I won't go into her issue because it's a rather sensitive subject for me, but we have our days when we discuss this issue and it leaves me wanting to rip my hair out because I feel like whenever I see a glimmer of hope within her..someone in her life comes along and destroys all that I have achieved with her. I feel helpless the majority of the time but I refuse to give up on her, simply because I didn't really have any friends to get me through it. I'm not a shamed of my past issue as it as made me the person that I am today but I am certainly not proud of myself and it will haunt me for the rest of my life as it will her. I know I cannot fix her problems but I really want to help her. I think thats whats upsetting me the most..is that deep down..I know that no matter how much I try..I cannot do it for her, she has to confront her issues.
Hi Shannen! I'm so sorry to hear you've been feeling down recently!
I think this is something almost everyone goes through at some point - the basic feeling of just not being good enough. If she's going through a lapse in confidence you can help gain that back - I'd just be nice to her, make her feel special, compliment her and tell her exactly how amazing you think she is. That's why she's feeling like that, she wants the attention, and I don't mean that in a childish attention-seeking way. I mean she just needs a friendly shoulder and someone who looks up to her. Everyone needs that sometimes, and you could potentially be that person for her have you ever told her that you think she's amazing? Because if not, i think you should!
with what your councler say I actuly agree with you in quiting... but to get an other person to help you .. as she clearly do not understand you or how to help you.
I tried haveing terapist that didn't understand me.. in the end they make it worse.
and maybe if your dad keep calling atleast reporting him to the police for harasment... get it on oficial files... but yes 1 could worry how he react to a restraining order... though that schould not be why you don't get it... if he react that bad to it, well then I say it really is needed.
YJ, Yeah, I tell her a lot..she just doesn't believe it's true, she says she believes that I mean it but she just doesn't see herself in that way. I have been her support since we became friends..I understand how she feels as I was once where she was but I still find it hard. Thankyou though, I will try to be a little more sensitive towards her feelings, I thought I was being but maybe I could try to be a little more. Thanks.
Kellycot1, Yeah I know, I didn't really think of it that way but she knows that my feelings are just as bad as hers but I suppose, like you say..anything must seem better. I totally feel like a cow now but I would never abandon her.
FluorescentSoap, I am thinking of you and your family at this time and I hope that you uncle responds well to the treatment.
Stormcat3, You may be alone physically but you have all of us to talk to online. I'm sorry that I have nothing productive to say but just know that we are here for you.
Shannen
I can relate with that and unfortunately it is not easy but eventually your friend will find the courage and begin to appreciate who she is.She is really lucky she has a friend like you
Stormcat
It is really hard feeling alone and desperate but trust me,it won't be long until you will find a job.I would recommend having a pet(if you don't have one already),it can really help you feel less stressed and you won't feel so alone
Fluorescent
Unfortunately I knew a lot of people who had cancer,but you have to believe in your uncle,I know many strong persons who beat cancer and live happily with their family.I wish him the best
YJ, Yeah, I tell her a lot..she just doesn't believe it's true, she says she believes that I mean it but she just doesn't see herself in that way. I have been her support since we became friends..I understand how she feels as I was once where she was but I still find it hard. Thankyou though, I will try to be a little more sensitive towards her feelings, I thought I was being but maybe I could try to be a little more. Thanks.
Hmm okay. It sounds like you were already doing what I suggested! Sorry for not being so helpful then. I think some people do just have a lapse of confidence because of stress, and all you can do is wait on them... Have her know when she's picked herself up you won't ditch her it can be a tricky situation though, when someone just won't be happy whatever you try. Frustrating too. You have my full sympathies
My kitty has been missing since Sunday :< He's my bestest buddy.
In the mean time I have been trying to finish my Resort build for TKs contest.. and while I am on schedule to finish with the extension I was granted I am kinda bummed cause I feel like I am rushing through it and only doing it halfheartedly. Sigh.
Thanks, annettesb. I appreciate you understanding why I quit; it was a very hard decision to make! I am still interested in trying though, so I think just before classes start again for semester (when the administration for the university return), I'll make an appointment with a counsellor but ask to see a new one. I hope they'll be a better fit for me.
As for my dad, that's the plan -- reporting him IF he continues harassment (he's mostly left us alone lately though, so I'm getting less worried). I understand, too, what you mean about not getting a restraining order just because I don't want to set him off; it seems a little backwards! Just so you know, I'm not quite that crazy! It's just at the moment we're having relative peace and I don't see a reason to provoke him and actually confront him (which I'll have to in court) at this time; if things were to heat up and I started to feel actually threatened, rather than just worried or freaked out, I have no issues with getting the order. I hope that makes sense.
Thanks for always taking an interest and giving me your support. You're a very kind person.
Kellycot1, Yeah I know, I didn't really think of it that way but she knows that my feelings are just as bad as hers but I suppose, like you say..anything must seem better. I totally feel like a cow now but I would never abandon her.
You have no reason to feel like a cow! You have every right to be frustrated that she's struggling and not helping herself; the important thing is that you are just there for her, through thick and thin. When you think about it, the fact that she has a friend who won't abandon her, no matter what goes on in her life, is a testament to how great she is. She won't see it yet, and it could take a very long time, but one day she'll realise how great she is -- and you being there for her can only encourage and prove that. It sounds like you're doing everything you can already, so I'm not trying to really give you advice; just let you know how great you're already doing. I'm wishing you and your friend lots of luck and love!
I tried haveing terapist that didn't understand me.. in the end they make it worse.
Woah anette don't be too hasty there
They don't all make it worse - I'd say a majority don't!
Haha, this made me giggle, even though it probably shouldn't have (it's late, okay? I'm going a little nutty tonight). I'm pretty sure she meant that having a therapist who doesn't understand makes it worse, not just therapists in general. THAT would have been a bit of a hasty comment, but I couldn't agree more with what annestb said. Silly YJ, put your reading eyes on! (I don't know if you wear glasses, so 'reading eyes' is the best I could do -- like listening ears, but for the front of your face!)
My kitty has been missing since Sunday :< He's my bestest buddy.
In the mean time I have been trying to finish my Resort build for TKs contest.. and while I am on schedule to finish with the extension I was granted I am kinda bummed cause I feel like I am rushing through it and only doing it halfheartedly. Sigh.
I'm so sorry about your cat! Even though I swear I'm a dog person, my cat is my little baby -- she's so precious. I can't imagine what you're going through. I know it's hard, but try to have hope; cats are notoriously naughty when it comes to running away, and then coming back hours/days/weeks later. My own indoor cat has made a run for it a time or two, but she's always back after a few stressful days at most. A friend of mine actually lost his kitten, but it showed up again like three weeks later! Perfectly healthy, too, so now I'm suspicious that it's been seeing other people! (I promise that was meant to be funny -- sorry if it wasn't)
As for the contest, I wouldn't feel too bummed. I'm a total perfectionist, so I'm always incredibly stressed whenever I need an extension for an assignment and I feel like I'm rushing through it, but more often than not it actually works out for the better! There's something to be said for doing something quickly; you don't have the chance to obsess quite as much, so what you produce can be much more special and less restrained. It's not something to do all of the time, with assignments, contests or any other deadlines, but try to think of this as a challenge in itself. You have the opportunity to push your creative boundaries! It's not a great situation, but maybe some good can come of that. Good luck with your build!
a.k.a. Erin
Check out The Simdex—my PDF guide to all of the Sims 3 Store content (last updated September 2015)
I tried haveing terapist that didn't understand me.. in the end they make it worse.
Woah anette don't be too hasty there
They don't all make it worse - I'd say a majority don't!
if they don't understand you and puch you to feel worse in general.. yes they all made it worse
I have had good ones to... but they understood me
it is NOT being hasty it is many years of experienc.. and my curent terapists word
a therapist needs to understand the person they helping or they at best can't help and nothing happen... but it very well be that they do more damage
edit: and no matter what then you need an other terapist... becouse no progres isn't good enough
Thanks, annettesb. I appreciate you understanding why I quit; it was a very hard decision to make! I am still interested in trying though, so I think just before classes start again for semester (when the administration for the university return), I'll make an appointment with a counsellor but ask to see a new one. I hope they'll be a better fit for me.
As for my dad, that's the plan -- reporting him IF he continues harassment (he's mostly left us alone lately though, so I'm getting less worried). I understand, too, what you mean about not getting a restraining order just because I don't want to set him off; it seems a little backwards! Just so you know, I'm not quite that crazy! It's just at the moment we're having relative peace and I don't see a reason to provoke him and actually confront him (which I'll have to in court) at this time; if things were to heat up and I started to feel actually threatened, rather than just worried or freaked out, I have no issues with getting the order. I hope that makes sense.
Thanks for always taking an interest and giving me your support. You're a very kind person.
I understand that reasoning perfectly... you want to minimies your stress... and thats the important how you feel and that you are safe... glad you have made a decision... that alone must be compforting
good luck with a new counsler... remember to tell them that you just felt it was a bad fit in personalities with the other one and how she made your feel.
I tried haveing terapist that didn't understand me.. in the end they make it worse.
Woah anette don't be too hasty there
They don't all make it worse - I'd say a majority don't!
Haha, this made me giggle, even though it probably shouldn't have (it's late, okay? I'm going a little nutty tonight). I'm pretty sure she meant that having a therapist who doesn't understand makes it worse, not just therapists in general. THAT would have been a bit of a hasty comment, but I couldn't agree more with what annestb said. Silly YJ, put your reading eyes on! (I don't know if you wear glasses, so 'reading eyes' is the best I could do -- like listening ears, but for the front of your face!)
exsaclty what I ment....
sadly the majority I have made did make it worse... or just no progress.... becouse they didn't understand me.
my point is don't do as I did and stay with a terapist that is wrong for you... it can make it much worse... it did for me
I understand that reasoning perfectly... you want to minimies your stress... and thats the important how you feel and that you are safe... glad you have made a decision... that alone must be compforting
good luck with a new counsler... remember to tell them that you just felt it was a bad fit in personalities with the other one and how she made your feel.
Thank you for the support! It means a lot to have you understand how someone can be a bad fit with a certain counsellor; trying to talk about it with friends and family have been difficult, because it just simply hasn't happened to them (either they haven't seen a counsellor, or they met the 'right' one first try). I can't say I'm exactly grateful you understand, because I'd rather things be good for you, but it really does help knowing that I'm not alone and others have been through all of these things, too. That's one of the things that makes this thread so great!
sadly the majority I have made did make it worse... or just no progress.... becouse they didn't understand me.
my point is don't do as I did and stay with a terapist that is wrong for you... it can make it much worse... it did for me
I'm really sorry you've had such bad experiences. It sounds like you've found a therapist who does understand you (I took that from what you said to YJ about your current therapist), so I hope that is going well for you. You certainly deserve someone who can help you through your troubles.
a.k.a. Erin
Check out The Simdex—my PDF guide to all of the Sims 3 Store content (last updated September 2015)
I tried haveing terapist that didn't understand me.. in the end they make it worse.
Woah anette don't be too hasty there
They don't all make it worse - I'd say a majority don't!
Haha, this made me giggle, even though it probably shouldn't have (it's late, okay? I'm going a little nutty tonight). I'm pretty sure she meant that having a therapist who doesn't understand makes it worse, not just therapists in general. THAT would have been a bit of a hasty comment, but I couldn't agree more with what annestb said. Silly YJ, put your reading eyes on! (I don't know if you wear glasses, so 'reading eyes' is the best I could do -- like listening ears, but for the front of your face!)
exsaclty what I ment....
sadly the majority I have made did make it worse... or just no progress.... becouse they didn't understand me.
my point is don't do as I did and stay with a terapist that is wrong for you... it can make it much worse... it did for me
K Ko Just wanted to clear that up!
Sorry you had a bad experience Anette. Very unlucky having more than 1 who was unsuccessful, these people are meant to be trained after all! However I did myself have this one woman who was helping with personal issues, and it seemed to be going fine until one day she rung my home and said it was all my parent's fault for "lack of communication"...... :shock: Didn't go down to well with my mum especially. It wasn't true, as well. My mum is very supportive of any problems I have in life
I always thought friends respected and supported each other, even though they might
disagree on something. I guess I have to process the feelings I'm having because putting
them aside will do no good in the long run. I am just very disappointed.
I feel kinda lost and confused as well. It also feels like I could crush a skull.
Yeah, very frustrating situation, but I guess I will be over it at some point.
I'm just not sure who I want to take with me when the storm passes.
However I did myself have this one woman who was helping with personal issues, and it seemed to be going fine until one day she rung my home and said it was all my parent's fault for "lack of communication"...... :shock: Didn't go down to well with my mum especially. It wasn't true, as well. My mum is very supportive of any problems I have in life
Yeah, parents don't much care for that! My mum is pretty supportive of me (although she is known to stick her foot in her mouth sometimes), but she didn't take kindly to my counsellor blaming her and my brother for my 'emotional burden'. I'm glad your mum is good to you, and that you obviously moved on past that one unhelpful woman. Hope all is well now.
I always thought friends respected and supported each other, even though they might
disagree on something. I guess I have to process the feelings I'm having because putting them aside will do no good in the long run. I am just very disappointed.
I feel kinda lost and confused as well. It also feels like I could crush a skull.
Yeah, very frustrating situation, but I guess I will be over it at some point.
I'm just not sure who I want to take with me when the storm passes.
Thanks for the opportunity to vent!
I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. Without knowing what's going on, it's hard to say much else -- friends generally do respect and support each other, but there definitely can be miscommunication. Sometimes, respect and support to one person looks completely different to the other (that catches my boyfriend and I out a lot). I can't say whether that's the case for you. But just know that we all do struggle with that lost and confused, skull-crushing feeling, and now probably is a good time to be considering who you want to keep in your life, once the storm passes as you said. You're in my thoughts, and I'm sending you lots of warm fuzzy feelings!
a.k.a. Erin
Check out The Simdex—my PDF guide to all of the Sims 3 Store content (last updated September 2015)
Thank you, kellycot1. It actually feels a little better.
It's basically about me showing support towards the LGBT community,
because I am part of that community myself. It resulted in me getting
treated like air, and it made me very angry because I have always shown
support and tolerance to people even if I disagree with them on something.
For example, there are those who believe in god. I don't, but I still respect
those who does and I would never treat any of my friends like air because
of who they are :x That's just cruel and I have been taught better than that.
Thank you, kellycot1. It actually feels a little better. It's basically about me showing support towards the LGBT community, because I am part of that community myself. It resulted in me getting treated like air, and it made me very angry because I have always shown support and tolerance to people even if I disagree with them on something.
For example, there are those who believe in god. I don't, but I still respect those who does and I would never treat any of my friends like air because of who they are :x That's just cruel and I have been taught better than that.
I can't imagine how hard that must be, to have your friends not willing to support you. I understand what you mean about it being even harder, because you show tolerance to others (probably even when you feel you shouldn't sometimes!).
Honestly, I think this will really show you who your good friends are. Even the good ones may take some time to come around -- there are definitely people who are taught to hate, and it can take some time to see the person behind the thing they think they hate -- but if they aren't willing to support you eventually, you're better off without them. People who don't respect you, who you are and who you wish to support are practically poison to happiness!
I wouldn't go all out and confront them like a mad person, but it sounds like time to reflect on who DESERVES your love and friendship. Those that don't, well, shouldn't be around you, if you can help it. Good luck and best wishes while you get through this tough time.
a.k.a. Erin
Check out The Simdex—my PDF guide to all of the Sims 3 Store content (last updated September 2015)
It is hard, but I guess I have at least learnt something from it.
And you are right, I have to think about myself too and what is good for me.
Thank you so much for your kind and wise words! I appreciate it very much ❤
Of course! I'm so glad I could help. I'm by no means an expert in, well, anything, but it means a lot to know that my words mean something to you, and are helping you through this. Good luck and keep on Simming! It's a huge stress reliever.
a.k.a. Erin
Check out The Simdex—my PDF guide to all of the Sims 3 Store content (last updated September 2015)
Comments
I have a really awesome best friend, who is the sweetest person that I know. Her life as been anything but great yet she is very caring and always sends me texts, listens to my troubles and asks how I am, she even knows when I'm upset which amazes me since it's a long distance friendship but we are rather close. Anyways although she is really lovely to me, she is like her own worst enemy..the same way that I am, I suppose but it really upsets me the way that she sees herself. I always tell her the truth about my opinion of her but she never seems to take it into account, she says that she believes me but I have never in the entire time that I have known her, known her say anything remarkably nice about herself. Once she told me that she was jealous of me, of my personality, my hair, my morals, everything and that she wished that she could be me..I was so gutted by her tex that I burst into tears at the sheer sadness of her tex, I just couldn't understand why someone who I thought was amazing, wished they was like me.
She is currently struggling with a issue that I had years ago and so I understand why she feels the way she does, because I felt a similar way but not as bad. I won't go into her issue because it's a rather sensitive subject for me, but we have our days when we discuss this issue and it leaves me wanting to rip my hair out because I feel like whenever I see a glimmer of hope within her..someone in her life comes along and destroys all that I have achieved with her. I feel helpless the majority of the time but I refuse to give up on her, simply because I didn't really have any friends to get me through it. I'm not a shamed of my past issue as it as made me the person that I am today but I am certainly not proud of myself and it will haunt me for the rest of my life as it will her. I know I cannot fix her problems but I really want to help her. I think thats whats upsetting me the most..is that deep down..I know that no matter how much I try..I cannot do it for her, she has to confront her issues.
As ways, the reason I am writing this..is not really for advise but to off load. I don't really feel any better for writing this but I will post it anyways..just so that I have gotten it off my chest.
And I know you weren't asking for advice, but may I offer some nonetheless? This may seem obvious, so forgive me if it is. Please, just continue to be there for her. I don't want to pry and demand to know what the problem is, but it sounds to me like you're the only person who is really there for your friend right now. Even if others come along and smash your progress with her like a bull in a china shop, the important part is to stick around and keep rebuilding her. (Also to get those people away from her or her away from them, but that's another problem to tackle.)
It will be frustrating as all-get-out, and for good reason, but you must persist. I know you have a kind heart that seeks to help, and I know that kind hearts can be hurt by such things as this. But I also know that your kind heart is strong -- you have the fortitude to keep going, to do what must be done. I know you can do it. I have faith in you, and so does your friend. You can do it, and so can she!
When I went through what she is currently going through, I was a lot younger and my friends turned against me and they didn't do it quietly either. I have no intentions of doing that to her, I know deep down that I cannot help her as it is something that she needs to do herself but I can at least be there for her and thats just as important. I can't get her away from those people as they are mainly her family or an ex.
Thankyou for your kind words, it means a lot.
I was looking for it earlier today, to vent out some frustrations over some RL stuff that has just gone every wrong way it possibly could the past few days.
But instead of venting, I want to give everyone one a BIIIG HUG!
And direct you to this link: http://forum.thesims3.com/jforum/posts/list/761200.page
Thank you, miss Fairybug
I just found out my uncle has cancer, we don't know much more and neither does he. :< I hate cancer so much and I know my uncle is a strong guy. I'm so scared.
⌠ Team Holy Hêll ⌡ [Currently playing TS4]
Thank you for your thoughts. I think the restraining order may be a thing for the future; if he were to actually do anything, I have just as much right now to call the police as I would then, y'know? I think the restraining order would mostly be a matter of making myself feel better, but I do see it potentially causing harm. He's called a few times, which has upset me, but hasn't shown up at the house again. Of course, if things get worse I know a lot more about the process, so I think I'm better equipped to deal with it all, if need be.
With my counsellor, she just kept saying that it is EVERYONE else's fault that I'm self-reliant, especially emotionally. I suppose in a way there is some truth to it, and I could even admit that at the time, but when I tried to find out how to deal with this better, she just couldn't help me. She just KEPT SAYING over and over and over again that I needed to stop 'shouldering the burden' on my own. It was literally no help, and I think the whole thing was a little ridiculous. To be honest, my feelings are my own and they're not the responsibility of others; every is really just doing the best they can and, in my life, right now I'm the only one who's really struggling. That doesn't make my mother or my brother lesser people; they have a full plate and are doing everything THEY can, already.
She even tried to blame you guys, because she says that the forums simply foster my need to overextend myself by helping others; she seems to have absolutely no respect for the fact that here I have met people I could NEVER meet anywhere else. You guys share my passion for Sims first and foremost, and I've never met someone in my 'real' life where that's been the case. I also have been far more selfish here than I care to admit, constantly allowing myself to be gifted and seeking comfort from friends in this thread; it's only baby steps, but if anything the forums have helped me learn to accept the help of others, so I'm not just doing it all on my own.
As for the drugs matter, it's a sore spot with me because of my dad (that's where a lot of issues have come from), as well as other family members and friends. To be honest, I'm at a place in my life where the only people who haven't been entirely transformed and damaged by actually using drugs is my boyfriend and I, because we won't touch the stuff -- and, as scary as that sounds, I'm really not exaggerating. I know that plenty of people I love have now moved away from that, and it doesn't bother me so long as it is firmly in their past. So I know that she wasn't exactly advocating for drug use, but she was saying things like "well, everyone does that sometimes". I don't know, but that thinking doesn't sit well with me. Whether or not someone does it is none of my business, but I shouldn't have to be okay with something illegal and something that I have seen cause a lot of damage, ever. It really felt like she was defending her own habits, more than trying to help me.
But I do understand what you mean about quitting because you're uncomfortable. I was really worried about that too, but that woman was starting to do more harm than good. I've been trying to track down another counsellor I can see, either free or quite cheap, but no luck as of yet. I'm hoping when semester ends (which should really be any day now, once I get marks back and finalise submitting of some articles to different publications) that I might have a better chance to really look into someone who WILL help. I want to learn coping techniques for when everything becomes so stressful and overwhelming, and this woman had no interest in doing that whatsoever.
With medicating, that's exactly how I feel. I've seen people do well taking anti-depressants, relaxants, what have you, but I've seen the other side, too; like I said, right now I want to learn how to cope better, and I don't feel like medication will do that for me. It'll get me through, but if I do that now, it's going to be a lifelong thing. I want to grow as a person, because it feels like I need that. I'm not opposed to it though, if the right time comes.
It's not your JOB. That doesn't mean you can't love them or help them, but it is not your job. They may very well need you, too, but I believe there's a certain balance -- you can only hurt yourself so much to help others. If they can't even admit it and they're not respecting you or treating you even remotely okay, please don't take it. It doesn't mean you have to be rude or give up all hope, but maybe distancing is something to think about. Not entirely, but maybe try explaining that they're hurting you and you need some time to deal with your own things. It's hard to say, of course, without knowing the full story, but that will give you an opportunity to withdraw a little. You can still keep in touch and make sure they're okay, but right now I'm a big advocate for taking care of yourself.
I understand how hard this is. My boyfriend and I are long distance, actually, and we seem to struggle with that same thing of talking badly about ourselves. He hates his job, he tells me how stupid he is if he messes up a car at work, I tell him I'm so worthless I can't even write an essay, etc. Oddly enough, he's actually the best at his dealership (he's a mechanic) and I'm probably the best student in most of my classes, but we're both hard on ourselves,and it kills us both to see the other one being so hard on his/herself. I hope that makes sense.
Anyway, as you said, you are hard on yourself, too, so you need to try to keep that in perspective. As well, when she said she was jealous of you -- of course she is! With the way she is feeling right now, bad things are happening to her and she probably wants to be anyone else in the world. The grass is always greener on the other side, remember? Obviously, I can't speak to what is going on in her world, but it sounds like she needs you to be there and supportive, unconditionally.
Hi Stormcat! I'm so sorry you're going through so much transition. I don't really know your situation, but you just need to keep in mind that there are people who love you -- you may be alone at home, but you have us just in that computer! I don't know how I can help, except to say that my thoughts are with you.
That's such a terrible thing to be going through, not just for your uncle but you and the rest of your family. Cancer is a scary thing, but it's something that I think we just about all go through at some point now. That doesn't make it less scary, but you're not alone. I hope he gets better and responds well to treatment, as many cancer patients do. There is absolutely hope, and just know that the friends in this thread are thinking of you and your family at this time.
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I wish you luck with finding a new job
It's gonna be a change, your brother going overseas, but like all these things, you'll get used to it sooner than you think. What's better is nowadays, there's all sorts of ways to contact them - by phone, email, Facebook, Twitter, whatever. We're lucky enough to have skype in this day and age, so you could even talk to him face-to-face! It won't be the same, but think of all the adventures he'll be having abroard, and that will probably put a smile on your face
That's a horrible thing to find out! With things like this there's no advice we can actually give, as I know I cannot change anything with words. All you can do is be there with him. You say you don't know how bad it is - so why he's still in good health, take all the time you can to spend time with him, and make him happier too! He's gonna be feeling down himself right now, and if you can cheer him up and make him happier, then you can live with the joyous feeling that you made what could've been the worst part of his life into something he can look back on and remember with happiness
Hi Shannen! I'm so sorry to hear you've been feeling down recently!
I think this is something almost everyone goes through at some point - the basic feeling of just not being good enough. If she's going through a lapse in confidence you can help gain that back - I'd just be nice to her, make her feel special, compliment her and tell her exactly how amazing you think she is. That's why she's feeling like that, she wants the attention, and I don't mean that in a childish attention-seeking way. I mean she just needs a friendly shoulder and someone who looks up to her. Everyone needs that sometimes, and you could potentially be that person for her
with what your councler say I actuly agree with you in quiting... but to get an other person to help you .. as she clearly do not understand you or how to help you.
I tried haveing terapist that didn't understand me.. in the end they make it worse.
and maybe if your dad keep calling atleast reporting him to the police for harasment... get it on oficial files... but yes 1 could worry how he react to a restraining order... though that schould not be why you don't get it... if he react that bad to it, well then I say it really is needed.
take care
Kellycot1, Yeah I know, I didn't really think of it that way but she knows that my feelings are just as bad as hers but I suppose, like you say..anything must seem better. I totally feel like a cow now but I would never abandon her.
FluorescentSoap, I am thinking of you and your family at this time and I hope that you uncle responds well to the treatment.
Stormcat3, You may be alone physically but you have all of us to talk to online. I'm sorry that I have nothing productive to say but just know that we are here for you.
I can relate with that and unfortunately it is not easy but eventually your friend will find the courage and begin to appreciate who she is.She is really lucky she has a friend like you
Stormcat
It is really hard feeling alone and desperate but trust me,it won't be long until you will find a job.I would recommend having a pet(if you don't have one already),it can really help you feel less stressed and you won't feel so alone
Fluorescent
Unfortunately I knew a lot of people who had cancer,but you have to believe in your uncle,I know many strong persons who beat cancer and live happily with their family.I wish him the best
Hmm okay. It sounds like you were already doing what I suggested! Sorry for not being so helpful then. I think some people do just have a lapse of confidence because of stress, and all you can do is wait on them... Have her know when she's picked herself up you won't ditch her
Woah anette don't be too hasty there
They don't all make it worse - I'd say a majority don't!
In the mean time I have been trying to finish my Resort build for TKs contest.. and while I am on schedule to finish with the extension I was granted I am kinda bummed cause I feel like I am rushing through it and only doing it halfheartedly. Sigh.
Just needed to vent
As for my dad, that's the plan -- reporting him IF he continues harassment (he's mostly left us alone lately though, so I'm getting less worried). I understand, too, what you mean about not getting a restraining order just because I don't want to set him off; it seems a little backwards! Just so you know, I'm not quite that crazy! It's just at the moment we're having relative peace and I don't see a reason to provoke him and actually confront him (which I'll have to in court) at this time; if things were to heat up and I started to feel actually threatened, rather than just worried or freaked out, I have no issues with getting the order. I hope that makes sense.
Thanks for always taking an interest and giving me your support. You're a very kind person.
You have no reason to feel like a cow! You have every right to be frustrated that she's struggling and not helping herself; the important thing is that you are just there for her, through thick and thin. When you think about it, the fact that she has a friend who won't abandon her, no matter what goes on in her life, is a testament to how great she is. She won't see it yet, and it could take a very long time, but one day she'll realise how great she is -- and you being there for her can only encourage and prove that. It sounds like you're doing everything you can already, so I'm not trying to really give you advice; just let you know how great you're already doing. I'm wishing you and your friend lots of luck and love!
Haha, this made me giggle, even though it probably shouldn't have (it's late, okay? I'm going a little nutty tonight). I'm pretty sure she meant that having a therapist who doesn't understand makes it worse, not just therapists in general. THAT would have been a bit of a hasty comment, but I couldn't agree more with what annestb said. Silly YJ, put your reading eyes on! (I don't know if you wear glasses, so 'reading eyes' is the best I could do -- like listening ears, but for the front of your face!)
I'm so sorry about your cat! Even though I swear I'm a dog person, my cat is my little baby -- she's so precious. I can't imagine what you're going through. I know it's hard, but try to have hope; cats are notoriously naughty when it comes to running away, and then coming back hours/days/weeks later. My own indoor cat has made a run for it a time or two, but she's always back after a few stressful days at most. A friend of mine actually lost his kitten, but it showed up again like three weeks later! Perfectly healthy, too, so now I'm suspicious that it's been seeing other people! (I promise that was meant to be funny -- sorry if it wasn't)
As for the contest, I wouldn't feel too bummed. I'm a total perfectionist, so I'm always incredibly stressed whenever I need an extension for an assignment and I feel like I'm rushing through it, but more often than not it actually works out for the better! There's something to be said for doing something quickly; you don't have the chance to obsess quite as much, so what you produce can be much more special and less restrained. It's not something to do all of the time, with assignments, contests or any other deadlines, but try to think of this as a challenge in itself. You have the opportunity to push your creative boundaries! It's not a great situation, but maybe some good can come of that. Good luck with your build!
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if they don't understand you and puch you to feel worse in general.. yes they all made it worse
I have had good ones to... but they understood me
it is NOT being hasty it is many years of experienc.. and my curent terapists word
a therapist needs to understand the person they helping or they at best can't help and nothing happen... but it very well be that they do more damage
edit: and no matter what then you need an other terapist... becouse no progres isn't good enough
I understand that reasoning perfectly... you want to minimies your stress... and thats the important how you feel and that you are safe... glad you have made a decision... that alone must be compforting
good luck with a new counsler... remember to tell them that you just felt it was a bad fit in personalities with the other one and how she made your feel.
exsaclty what I ment....
sadly the majority I have made did make it worse... or just no progress.... becouse they didn't understand me.
my point is don't do as I did and stay with a terapist that is wrong for you... it can make it much worse... it did for me
I'm really sorry you've had such bad experiences. It sounds like you've found a therapist who does understand you (I took that from what you said to YJ about your current therapist), so I hope that is going well for you. You certainly deserve someone who can help you through your troubles.
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K Ko
Sorry you had a bad experience Anette. Very unlucky having more than 1 who was unsuccessful, these people are meant to be trained after all! However I did myself have this one woman who was helping with personal issues, and it seemed to be going fine until one day she rung my home and said it was all my parent's fault for "lack of communication"...... :shock: Didn't go down to well with my mum especially. It wasn't true, as well. My mum is very supportive of any problems I have in life
I always thought friends respected and supported each other, even though they might
disagree on something. I guess I have to process the feelings I'm having because putting
them aside will do no good in the long run. I am just very disappointed.
I feel kinda lost and confused as well. It also feels like I could crush a skull.
Yeah, very frustrating situation, but I guess I will be over it at some point.
I'm just not sure who I want to take with me when the storm passes.
Thanks for the opportunity to vent!
I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. Without knowing what's going on, it's hard to say much else -- friends generally do respect and support each other, but there definitely can be miscommunication. Sometimes, respect and support to one person looks completely different to the other (that catches my boyfriend and I out a lot). I can't say whether that's the case for you. But just know that we all do struggle with that lost and confused, skull-crushing feeling, and now probably is a good time to be considering who you want to keep in your life, once the storm passes as you said. You're in my thoughts, and I'm sending you lots of warm fuzzy feelings!
Check out The Simdex—my PDF guide to all of the Sims 3 Store content (last updated September 2015)
It's basically about me showing support towards the LGBT community,
because I am part of that community myself. It resulted in me getting
treated like air, and it made me very angry because I have always shown
support and tolerance to people even if I disagree with them on something.
For example, there are those who believe in god. I don't, but I still respect
those who does and I would never treat any of my friends like air because
of who they are :x That's just cruel and I have been taught better than that.
Honestly, I think this will really show you who your good friends are. Even the good ones may take some time to come around -- there are definitely people who are taught to hate, and it can take some time to see the person behind the thing they think they hate -- but if they aren't willing to support you eventually, you're better off without them. People who don't respect you, who you are and who you wish to support are practically poison to happiness!
I wouldn't go all out and confront them like a mad person, but it sounds like time to reflect on who DESERVES your love and friendship. Those that don't, well, shouldn't be around you, if you can help it. Good luck and best wishes while you get through this tough time.
Check out The Simdex—my PDF guide to all of the Sims 3 Store content (last updated September 2015)
And you are right, I have to think about myself too and what is good for me.
Thank you so much for your kind and wise words! I appreciate it very much ❤
Check out The Simdex—my PDF guide to all of the Sims 3 Store content (last updated September 2015)