I've never written in this form before I have a few poems that might work but I'm not sure if they fit the rhythm.
Away
It does not matter
I can not stay
I'm sorry but I won't be back
Another day away away
I go away yet another day away
Maybe you shall pass my way
And we'll meet another day.
This poem is about leaving home and an uncertain future.
Orders
Point, shoot, reload,duck
Every action in sync
Eat, sleep, wash, pray
Shine your shoes and tidy up
Bring this, do that
Our freedom gone sacrificed for yours
Point, shoot, fall, injured
Noises clash, light flashes
A little rest a little sleep
All patched up
Point, shoot, reload, duck
People fall left right
Point, shoot, reload, oh please no!
My friend he didn't duck in time
I carry him to a M.A.S.H
People shout orders at me
But all a see is Jimmy's hand
Going limp, and all I hear is
Rattling breathe ending
Now I have a promise to keep
A letter to send
Oh God when will it end!
Fussing, complaining, fighting, bickering
The household filled with shouts
Patience like a candle flickering
Waiting anxiously for it to go out
No one was forced to pick sides
But my brothers and I would just run and hide
When my parents pulled out their guns
And fought to the death and the battle has been won
I doubt this will win, but this was fron how my parents used to fight with each other before they divorced. So it's kinda like a internal family war, that me and my two younger brothers had to overhear in our rooms.
The thought and rhyme is there Franco. It just doesn't fit the meter (syllable count).
Here's my first attempt. I transposed the rhyme scheme so it became aabb cdcd instead of abab cc dd.
An Unkind Thought
It starts with thoughts that are unkind
And all too soon I speak my mind.
Then others share my thoughts and speech
And soon convert those within reach.
Then violent, angry, hate-filled chants
Are bantered back and forth until
We act upon those evil rants
And think it is okay to kill.
The thought and rhyme is there Franco. It just doesn't fit the meter (syllable count).
Here's my first attempt. I transposed the rhyme scheme so it became aabb cdcd instead of abab cc dd.
An Unkind Thought
It starts with thoughts that are unkind
And all too soon I speak my mind.
Then others share my thoughts and speech
And soon convert those within reach.
Then violent, angry, hate-filled chants
Are bantered back and forth until
We act upon those evil rants
And think it is okay to kill.
Great example, Ciane.
I thought I was on queue with mine but wasn't sure until I read yours. It's been years since I did anything with poetry writing.
Alert the town, the enemy draws near
retreat into your homes 'til danger's past
the creatures feed by soaking in your fear
so calm your children and you will outlast
The demons circle, hunting as a pack
our rangers find high ground for the attack
let loose the arrows, let their mark be sure
the demons' deaths our safety will ensure
Yours was great Nesa. It's just iambic meter is difficult (for me, anyway) and I was told to think of the poem that starts, "By the shores of ...."
Except that is the opposite of iambic and does stress syllable followed by unstressed.
You could march to it, putting the left foot forward for each stress and the right foot forward for each unstressed syllable... and, at the end of the line you'd have only taken four steps forward with each foot - no more and no less.
Some of the poems are close, but will have one line with an extra syllable or one with a syllable too few. And the stressed and unstressed syllables might not flow in such a sing-song way.
Think of a marching band. You want everyone to start together and end together in a synchronized fashion.
I love poems that are challenging. And all these poems are great, just not true rispettos.
Thankyou so very much Cath for your kind words about my poem
Your poem is done very nicely ErnesaT. Beautifully expressed sentiments that in death the soldiers are in Gods hands and everyone is equal.
Very descriptively written poem that you have written and titled Orders PurpleAthenaOwl. As I read your poem, I could sense the soldier following the orders, doing his duty , fulfilling his work, doing the commands and what he needed to do to survive, and then in midst of it all the personal aspect of it all comes flooding in to the poem and to the reading of it when we learn that his friend has been shot, injured and then passes away, and there is the letter that needs to be sent. Thankyou for capturing all these thoughts, events and feelings in your poem.
I am so sorry ForeverFranconia that you had to experience this family situation in the time leading up to your parents divorce. It would have been a hard time for you. Thankyou for sharing glimpses of how you and your brothers felt through this time.
Bodies fall bleeding on the ground,
Shots ringing out throughout the world.
Lying broken and battered to never be found,
The smoke off his gun raised and curled.
Bright orange flames rage in the sky,
Arms and muskets in victory raised high.
Wives and mothers with tears on the cheek,
Their lost loves they eternally seek.
I haven't written poetry since I was in high school (7 years ago) so it isn't very good. I think it meets the style and theme though. At least I hope it does.
Beautifully done poem liliacbubbles As I read your poem, I could visualise the scene that you painted for us through your words. The war scene is not nice and you have captured well what is like. I felt sad as I thought of the wives and mothers with tears on their cheeks.
Thank you rosemow. I am not a fan of war scenes, so I tried to show the end of it instead of the beginning or the middle. My intent was not to make anyone sad though.
Yours was great Nesa. It's just iambic meter is difficult (for me, anyway) and I was told to think of the poem that starts, "By the shores of ...."
Except that is the opposite of iambic and does stress syllable followed by unstressed.
/snip/
Think of a marching band. You want everyone to start together and end together in a synchronized fashion.
I love poems that are challenging. And all these poems are great, just not true rispettos.
MJ - great job on the heroic/pentameter version!
Thank you. It's been years... okay, decades ... since I've dared to write anything. I also thought that it was a cadence-type poem.
I've never been affected personally by war, which is perhaps why I wanted to convey gravity in my poem. I tried to focus on how I'd feel if I were placed in the body of a solider, trained to kill, and how I'd live with myself afterwards thinking of those whose lives I'd affected. The poem is named for The Butterfly Effect, which is the idea that a small action in one location can have grave effects somewhere else in the world.
•••
—Butterfly
At last, the child becomes the man.
Reward of flesh plagues heartless mind.
The trophy won: killed on command,
His kin, still home, left anger-blind.
The propaganda, hate-imbued,
Does only seek to worsen feud.
While mothers spill their tears: forlorn.
A generation battle-born.
Delusions of a Solider
Though you may claim it whilst you stab
the faceless figures that you kill:
"They have no hands to grasp or grab.
They have no ears to hear the trill."
They don't have mouths, they daren't speak.
Their bodies' ashes' chances bleak.
Families won't be left aghast
more than yours once you are past.
Back your soldiers. Brave heroes all.
The high price of Freedom is far from free.
Fighting, fighting, heeding duty's call.
Protecting beliefs costs a great fee.
Fighting for your right to speak out,
Against the very war they fight all-out.
To shield home, their lives they bid.
So the war's cost does not take a kid.
Very nicely written poem that is a tribute to soldiers who sacrifice their lives and give of themselves for others. ElementDragon. An encouragement to support them as they serve.
Almost didn't do this one...was doing these for fun as I know I'm not the best at these things. As you know war isn't a very fun topic.
However, my mind got to thinking on it and wouldn't give it a rest. So I did one, even though I'm sure it's not the best. It's just something I feel strongly about, maybe it comes from having military in background I suppose. One of the things that always bothered me was how people against war, felt they also had to be against the troops. To me, even if I don't believe in the reason for the fight, I still believe in the troops.
Maybe I'm just odd in that regard.
Comments
Away
It does not matter
I can not stay
I'm sorry but I won't be back
Another day away away
I go away yet another day away
Maybe you shall pass my way
And we'll meet another day.
This poem is about leaving home and an uncertain future.
Orders
Point, shoot, reload,duck
Every action in sync
Eat, sleep, wash, pray
Shine your shoes and tidy up
Bring this, do that
Our freedom gone sacrificed for yours
Point, shoot, fall, injured
Noises clash, light flashes
A little rest a little sleep
All patched up
Point, shoot, reload, duck
People fall left right
Point, shoot, reload, oh please no!
My friend he didn't duck in time
I carry him to a M.A.S.H
People shout orders at me
But all a see is Jimmy's hand
Going limp, and all I hear is
Rattling breathe ending
Now I have a promise to keep
A letter to send
Oh God when will it end!
Fussing, complaining, fighting, bickering
The household filled with shouts
Patience like a candle flickering
Waiting anxiously for it to go out
No one was forced to pick sides
But my brothers and I would just run and hide
When my parents pulled out their guns
And fought to the death and the battle has been won
I doubt this will win, but this was fron how my parents used to fight with each other before they divorced. So it's kinda like a internal family war, that me and my two younger brothers had to overhear in our rooms.
Here's my first attempt. I transposed the rhyme scheme so it became aabb cdcd instead of abab cc dd.
An Unkind Thought
It starts with thoughts that are unkind
And all too soon I speak my mind.
Then others share my thoughts and speech
And soon convert those within reach.
Then violent, angry, hate-filled chants
Are bantered back and forth until
We act upon those evil rants
And think it is okay to kill.
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Great example, Ciane.
I thought I was on queue with mine but wasn't sure until I read yours. It's been years since I did anything with poetry writing.
Back to the drawing board. This is embarrassing... :oops:
retreat into your homes 'til danger's past
the creatures feed by soaking in your fear
so calm your children and you will outlast
The demons circle, hunting as a pack
our rangers find high ground for the attack
let loose the arrows, let their mark be sure
the demons' deaths our safety will ensure
Except that is the opposite of iambic and does stress syllable followed by unstressed.
You could march to it, putting the left foot forward for each stress and the right foot forward for each unstressed syllable... and, at the end of the line you'd have only taken four steps forward with each foot - no more and no less.
Some of the poems are close, but will have one line with an extra syllable or one with a syllable too few. And the stressed and unstressed syllables might not flow in such a sing-song way.
Think of a marching band. You want everyone to start together and end together in a synchronized fashion.
I love poems that are challenging. And all these poems are great, just not true rispettos.
MJ - great job on the heroic/pentameter version!
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Your poem is done very nicely ErnesaT.
Very descriptively written poem that you have written and titled Orders PurpleAthenaOwl.
http://forums.thesims.com/en_US/discussion/817478/hello-come-and-introduce-yourself
http://tinyurl.com/OneRoomOneWeek
http://tinyurl.com/rosemow
My Showcase thread https://forums.thesims.com/en_US/discussion/948861/rosemow-s-rooms-showcase
http://forums.thesims.com/en_US/discussion/817478/hello-come-and-introduce-yourself
http://tinyurl.com/OneRoomOneWeek
http://tinyurl.com/rosemow
My Showcase thread https://forums.thesims.com/en_US/discussion/948861/rosemow-s-rooms-showcase
http://forums.thesims.com/en_US/discussion/817478/hello-come-and-introduce-yourself
http://tinyurl.com/OneRoomOneWeek
http://tinyurl.com/rosemow
My Showcase thread https://forums.thesims.com/en_US/discussion/948861/rosemow-s-rooms-showcase
http://forums.thesims.com/en_US/discussion/817478/hello-come-and-introduce-yourself
http://tinyurl.com/OneRoomOneWeek
http://tinyurl.com/rosemow
My Showcase thread https://forums.thesims.com/en_US/discussion/948861/rosemow-s-rooms-showcase
Shots ringing out throughout the world.
Lying broken and battered to never be found,
The smoke off his gun raised and curled.
Bright orange flames rage in the sky,
Arms and muskets in victory raised high.
Wives and mothers with tears on the cheek,
Their lost loves they eternally seek.
I haven't written poetry since I was in high school (7 years ago) so it isn't very good. I think it meets the style and theme though.
http://forums.thesims.com/en_US/discussion/817478/hello-come-and-introduce-yourself
http://tinyurl.com/OneRoomOneWeek
http://tinyurl.com/rosemow
My Showcase thread https://forums.thesims.com/en_US/discussion/948861/rosemow-s-rooms-showcase
Thank you. It's been years... okay, decades ... since I've dared to write anything. I also thought that it was a cadence-type poem.
Thank you Rose. The equality factor was not just for race or nationality, it was also for male versus female.
SQUISHY HUGS!!!
•••
—Butterfly
At last, the child becomes the man.
Reward of flesh plagues heartless mind.
The trophy won: killed on command,
His kin, still home, left anger-blind.
The propaganda, hate-imbued,
Does only seek to worsen feud.
While mothers spill their tears: forlorn.
A generation battle-born.
•••
http://forums.thesims.com/en_US/discussion/817478/hello-come-and-introduce-yourself
http://tinyurl.com/OneRoomOneWeek
http://tinyurl.com/rosemow
My Showcase thread https://forums.thesims.com/en_US/discussion/948861/rosemow-s-rooms-showcase
Delusions of a Solider
Though you may claim it whilst you stab
the faceless figures that you kill:
"They have no hands to grasp or grab.
They have no ears to hear the trill."
They don't have mouths, they daren't speak.
Their bodies' ashes' chances bleak.
Families won't be left aghast
more than yours once you are past.
http://forums.thesims.com/en_US/discussion/817478/hello-come-and-introduce-yourself
http://tinyurl.com/OneRoomOneWeek
http://tinyurl.com/rosemow
My Showcase thread https://forums.thesims.com/en_US/discussion/948861/rosemow-s-rooms-showcase
Back your soldiers. Brave heroes all.
The high price of Freedom is far from free.
Fighting, fighting, heeding duty's call.
Protecting beliefs costs a great fee.
Fighting for your right to speak out,
Against the very war they fight all-out.
To shield home, their lives they bid.
So the war's cost does not take a kid.
http://forums.thesims.com/en_US/discussion/817478/hello-come-and-introduce-yourself
http://tinyurl.com/OneRoomOneWeek
http://tinyurl.com/rosemow
My Showcase thread https://forums.thesims.com/en_US/discussion/948861/rosemow-s-rooms-showcase
However, my mind got to thinking on it and wouldn't give it a rest. So I did one, even though I'm sure it's not the best. It's just something I feel strongly about, maybe it comes from having military in background I suppose. One of the things that always bothered me was how people against war, felt they also had to be against the troops. To me, even if I don't believe in the reason for the fight, I still believe in the troops.
Maybe I'm just odd in that regard.
Regardless, hope next week is a more fun topic.