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Have you ever felt intimidated because a man you didn't know was behind or near you in public?
ignominiusrex
Posts: 2,680 Member
I'll include an option for woman just in case anyone has that to report on, and an option for other possibilities, to be fair.
I ask this because I think it's far more common an experience than most of us who never experienced it ourselves, realize, until someone close to us clues us in, and then it's shocking that this is even a thing. But without that awareness, we can't address it, try to find a solution, or even BE a solution. Feel free to tell us about your experience. NOTE: this is not man-bashing. I'm a big fan of men, in general, though that doesn't extend to bullies, of any gender. It just happens that this is apparently a big problem that women experience, from men, most of the time and I wanted people to know they weren't alone, and for those who weren't aware of this as a problem to see it for what it is. I was pretty shocked when I learned the extent of it, and hope and wish for a solution. Making this anonymous so people feel more comfortable coming forward.
I ask this because I think it's far more common an experience than most of us who never experienced it ourselves, realize, until someone close to us clues us in, and then it's shocking that this is even a thing. But without that awareness, we can't address it, try to find a solution, or even BE a solution. Feel free to tell us about your experience. NOTE: this is not man-bashing. I'm a big fan of men, in general, though that doesn't extend to bullies, of any gender. It just happens that this is apparently a big problem that women experience, from men, most of the time and I wanted people to know they weren't alone, and for those who weren't aware of this as a problem to see it for what it is. I was pretty shocked when I learned the extent of it, and hope and wish for a solution. Making this anonymous so people feel more comfortable coming forward.
Have you ever felt intimidated because a man you didn't know was behind or near you in public? 28 votes
Yes!
64%
18 votes
Yes! But it was a woman.
7%
2 votes
Yes, but I didn't know the gender or it was neither a man nor a woman.
7%
2 votes
Nope, never happened to me, but did to someone I know (please specify if it wasn't a man)
7%
2 votes
No, and no one I know has told me it happened to them either.
14%
4 votes
0
Comments
Well,it's not uncommon to feel that way. But I don't believe it's because it's caused by a stranger or a man. If you feel that way it's actucally because it wasn't a "man"
It's my belief that we carry these outer forms that look human but inside is our true form which can be very ugly in nature, demonic, animalistic, evil or whatever. When man takes on these qualities of ghosts and demons and animals you may not see it in his outer form unless you have the third eye. But you will feel it in his aura and his spirit.
You may feel intimated, you may feel uncomfortable, in danger or anything of that nature because the evil inside of that person is resonating in their aura.
And I'm pretty sure everyone can recall a stranger/s they met that just makes you feel like you knew them your entire life. They feel so comfortable to be around or so good but you don't know them at all. Well that's the human that actually has human qualities and a beautiful aura.
So it's not the stranger, or the gender. It's the heart/spirit/soul of that person you are feeling.
We must have good qualities, good thoughts, good actions and good speech if we want the beautiful aura π
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But it's not just me. Even my brothers hate to see him coming. But if you know his (bad) history you would see how that has contributed to his aura.
What inspired me to write this was learning from a friend that when she didn't realize it was me, she felt uncomfortable recently when I was behind her in a store, looking at the same shelf she was. When I said hi, she was relieved. I was never a threat to her in the first place, but because it was a man behind her, she felt nervous.
She has since told me that she doesn't feel comfortable walking around town by herself at night, would rather someone were with her, due to feeling vulnerable, despite the fact that she has never been attacked or accosted, but she is always aware of The Male Gaze and feels unable to escape it always being on her, whether she wants attention from any given man or not.
She said it's a fairly common feeling among her friends who are women, and that they all will cross the street if a man is walking on the sidewalk behind them, even if he's not close, and be hyper-aware of things like whether his pace is quickening, whether he also crosses, and then they do defensive maneuvers like making three turns and if he's still behind them, considering that just cause to feel they are indeed being stalked.
I had no idea it was this bad, and at first assumed it couldn't possibly be justified, but then was shown this video footage of an attractive woman walking through the streets of a big city with someone who had a hidden camera in their backpack, walking in front of her, to show the world what it's like for a woman to simply walk in the city, apparently by herself.
She was indeed harrassed so much it was absurd. It went far past any innocent gestures of interest, into downright aggressive, creepy following, people getting in her business and making it quite obvious they did not respect her boundaries or her rights. At times it seemed she was in real danger and I was glad she was working with a partner incognito. It was shocking just how much harrassment and interference she encountered just for walking apparently alone, while female.
I went from disbelief that it could be this bad for women, to horror at the injustice of it, that so many women can't "just" go out walking, they have to have a plan, go with someone, or always be on the lookout for a strategy in case this happens, and that's a level of stress that is placed on women in particular, that most men just don't experience.
I figure if more people knew about this, they would be more likely to take women's problems seriously and try to be part of the solution. Without awareness, victims don't have allies.
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also at the techy store there was another carboard ad man with horrible demon grin staring at me between the aisles like he finna jump at me if i don't buy whatever the heck it was he was trying to sell
Yes... I do indeed have the paranoid trait but these store advertisements are not helping
oh and then there was the one time i went on walk and i was expecting to not have company (cause i live at countryside and you are more likely to meet moose)
but i looked anyway and there was some other human on walk behind me so i got startled and that walk fastly turned into speed walking competition
that being said yeah i would definitely be scared of absolutely anyone existing behind my back and the big city would likely be a very jumpy experience for socially anxious bean like me
do also recall music festival i went to as teen
couldn't tell if the dudes were particularily creepy otherwise but i would have preferred they wore some clothes
but yeah safe to say thats probably why i tend to avoid concerts these days
unsure if anyone really ever gave me much reason to be scared like on personal level (i mean im not beauty queen or anything so that probably helps too
but i do tend to do a paranoid look behind once in a while and if i go on walk for example noticing someone walking behind me is automatic pace pickup to avoid encounter and noticing someone in front is automatic pace slow down to think of options/gather energy or questioning myself if i should change sides if thats option/ if person seems possibly threatening like walks as if they're juiced or something then i do change side
+ thankfully with pandemic people find it somewhat less weird that people keep some boundaries so that also slightly helps with people getting too close in general
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As Dekay said it pretty much depends on where you live and how safe it is. I mean we all know men are generally thought to be more dangerous and aggressive so a lot of things play a part in how a girl may feel.
If you watch the news there is a looooooot of stories of assault in the U.S. anyone would be scared to walk outside the front door especially if you're in a bad kind of area. That could greatly contribute to one's fear. Or if the girl has a triggering past or bad experience with guys that could play a part as well.
I know someone who comes from a country that is practically crime free. And she's always talking about how much she misses it because everything was so safe, friendly, harassment free and the guys were respectful. The guys were taught to look down when they speak to a girl so as not to make her feel uncomfortable.There was nothing to be afraid of. In the U.S it's a different story over here π₯² it can be hard to be a girl that's true.
My country was not the safest either so I can understand being scared of a strange guy.
I could be totally wrong about this but I personally don't think bringing "awareness" to things like this makes it any better. Nothing will change and if anything people only seem to getting "crazier" with crime rates increasing and everything despite all the awareness we have in today's world.
Most people know that all throughout history girls have had it hard and not much has changed. Sure they became more independent and strong but that brought on a whole nother wave of negative consequences that to me, don't seem any better. But that's for a different topic.
Overall I don't watch the news or judge anyone based on gender. Maybe I'm a little to free spirited but unless someone has an aura that feels really bad I give everyone a fair chance. So I personally never felt scared of any strange guys despite my bad past experiences. I'm friendly with everyone π
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yeah do think its more the specific person than gender too for me and well mostly i just be paranoid bean and find everyone sus all the time anyway
but i do think that ive found men sus more often maybe cause i simply can't read their behavior too well
what is most anxiety inducing though is when i run into those religion spreading people on parking lots that assume everyone wants religion talk out of blue and act like they're possessed by mother plant
like if i had to choose between being in room with sus man or religion spreader i would still go with the sus man cause at least i wouldn't get frightened to death
...then again if the sus man grins like madman i might be equally frightened to death... you do not simply smile and be happy without being absolutely horrifying to me
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A classmate of mine from elementary through high school have similar encountered, she said she was stared at "with bad intentions" by a man while waiting for the bus, then she left. She is average and possibly was fat at the time (I don't know if she was losing weight successfully at the time, I just saw her post on her social media), The only thing special about her is that she's an obvious goth in everyday life (though I don't know if she was dressed like that at the time). Though the man may just be attracted to her dressing or think she looks like an acquaintance (I've had the experience of staring a stranger because I mistaken her for an acquaintance), but what's certain is that she was intimidated.
When I was in college, my classmates (all female) discussed being afraid to take a taxi alone, and said the tomboy among them don't have to afraid. I said I'm afraid about this, they (including the tomboy) said I'm the type that others are afraid. I replied, "This shows that people who dare to do something to me are really dangerous, and what you think doesn't mean that others also think." I don't look like a tyrannosaurus rex or gorilla, and I'm definitely not average and even recognizable. What makes them think I'm "safe" may be that I'm edgy-looking, and look cold when I'm expressionless and have "lifeless" eyes caused by myopia. I've also seen certain articles said that who looks "not to be trifled" on the outside is actually safer, but I think a large part of it is because of my lifestyle, and my country is overall safety, and though my city has a high pyramid scheme crime rate, the violent crime rate is low.
Sometimes it's not me who talks to you, it's machine translation
She/Her but you can call me as any pronouns
I'm done being vulnerable, gullible enough to mindlessly believe that a stranger, no matter who they are, isn't going to hurt me in some way.
Personality,depth,humor,consequences,lore,customization.
I agree that awareness alone isn't enough to effect change. But change cannot be effected without awareness: look at the US and the situation with systemic, endemic racism. As long as awareness was not widespread enough, and deep enough, as long as only the victims and their families and circle of friends knew the truth of what was going on, those who weren't directly unaffected really couldn't believe it could be that bad. Awareness did wake people up and make them realize, yes, it's that bad and yes, it's gut-wrenching and that is what gets the political will to address a serious problem going.
So I couldn't agree more that mere awareness by itself does nothing, but without it, nothing else gets done.
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I think it's more of a family of origin and other similar issue. Many perpetrators were also victims. Some people do the same even if they're conscious and even make them worse because they know "it's going to make them uncomfortable" (don't overestimate the bottom line of people, really. Even if people without bottom line are only 1% , once you encounter that 1% will hurt you deeply). But what causes the defect of the family of origin and other similar is beyond my knowledge.
Sometimes it's not me who talks to you, it's machine translation
She/Her but you can call me as any pronouns
I don't like to just assume a man is bad though. I don't automatically cross the street to avoid a man just because he's a man. I will if I get a bad feeling (this one has definitely saved me at least once) or if they seem unpredictable and like they might be under the influence of something (but I would do that for any gender, but it happens mostly commonly with men).
I do feel the need to be aware of their presence no matter what until we're a safe distance apart, just in case. I do feel a need to always have an escape route, just in case. For example I was once inside a bus shelter when a man desperately seeking a date came and stood in the exit so I was stuck inside while he pleaded his case. I eventually got out unharmed and without a date I didn't want that time. But I don't know that my luck will be so good next time, so I stay out of the shelters if others (especially men) are around.
I also had to be hidden away and let out through the back fire exit at a job when a particular male customer was around because he wouldn't leave me alone. The day he moved across the country was one of the best of my life.
Most men I encounter are fine, though, so I don't like to assume all are bad. But I am aware of who is around me especially males and especially when I'm alone or it's late at night.
There's a line I see from time to time that I find true "It's not all men, but it is all women". Not all men are bad, most are fine. But there's enough bad guys out there that a study in the UK reported 97% of women aged 18-24 have been harassed in public. I imagine studies in North America would have similar results when I think of myself and the women I know and can't think of a single one who hasn't been harassed at least once.
we are taught to fear people we don't know from childhood don't talk to strangers don't pet a dog you don't know are some of the first things we learn also don't underestimate how scary women can be that would be a foolish thing to do.
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I have also seen many people are the same on the Internet, and I have also seen a few women ask questions and say that they want to be a taxi driver but afraid of being unsafe. Even though my country is generally safe, there're many women like this. I've also heard that taxi drivers (both male and female) in some areas won't let men sit in the front seat at late night.
I don't think it has anything to do with gender per se, it's just that men are less difficult to commit crimes because they're physically stronger, it makes those with criminal thoughts more dare to commit crimes. In certain types of crime unaffected or not so affected by physical strength, men are equally afraid that certain women may be a threat to them. I've seen men in online and news who be defamed or threatened with suicide by a female pursuer/ex (this can be regarded as causing a disturbance) they're as distressed as the gender swap situation.
Sometimes it's not me who talks to you, it's machine translation
She/Her but you can call me as any pronouns