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Do Different Opinions Bother You?

Calico45Calico45 Posts: 1,617 Member
edited October 13 in Off Topic Chat
I realize that if this is the case, it would be an unpopular opinion to share so this poll is anonymous in the hopes of making it easier. I am curious after all, because I encounter this online and IRL. If I dislike something (and I am leaning much more towards popular culture here instead of serious topics, but do what you will) a friend (or stranger) loves, I'm pretty honest about it by nature.

Obviously no one should be mean or force the conversation in that direction, and I have no reason to, but for an example that sticks with me a childhood friend and I had a conversation about Steven Universe the show (back when it quite early in airing). We were not children, but younger college students and we had a history together. You would think her bringing up the topic because she loved the show and me admitting that I could not really hold a conversation about it because the first episode felt childish enough for me not to be able to get into it (I didn't like the art style and the commercials' humor never really landed either) would have simply moved us to another topic. What happened instead is you would have thought I had called her childish directly, or honestly worse. The conversation was over there and then, and somehow it was one of the last conversations we ever had together.

Because of that, even though this is not the first time I have ever encountered someone to take this sort of interest divergence as a personal attack, the incident has always been something I have thought of whenever I see similar occurrences. Believe me, at the time I felt genuinely bad. She was my friend and I had never meant to insult her, especially over a show, and I remember apologizing immediately upon noticing her feelings. I tried to think of other words that would have been better, since I realize that she had perhaps had her interests dismissed as childish in the past. (Then again, who hasn't?) However, as time passed I genuinely wondered if I was all at fault here. Obviously going out of your way to call someone else's interest childish is wrong, but when explaining why I did not connect with something (that was and is generally considered a childrens' show) was it really so unforgiveable to use that word or was it not sharing the interest itself the problem?

Anyway, it always makes me curious as to what is going on in someone's head whenever I see a reaction like that. Probably because I was never able to figure out what was going on in hers. Most recently, I saw a single person responding to any and all slightly maligned comments on a Far Cry 6 (comedic, no less) video review in defense of the game. I've learned to expect similar things online and have been on the receiving end of such, but in my experience it really does not end just on the screen. I can understand to some degree why it hurts for a friend to not have a shared interest. When you do, it can be great to share in those memories and activities. However, perhaps because I am kind of used to having quite secluded interests from a young age, it is hard for me to imagine losing sleep over the fact that someone I consider a friend does not like the Sims for example.

What about everyone else? Does it hurt in a personal way I just cannot understand and I should have been extra careful with my words, even amongst friends, or do you also feel neutrally about others' disinterest?

Do Different Opinions Bother You? 38 votes

Yes, different opinions bother me. If I love something, I cannot help but feel hurt when others do not.
2% 1 vote
No, different opinion do not bother me. We all like what we like and no one should take it personally.
57% 22 votes
Yes and no. It hurts, but I know it shouldn't so long as it is not malicious.
36% 14 votes
No and yes. It does not bother me, but I can see why it should.
2% 1 vote

Comments

  • BabykittyjadeBabykittyjade Posts: 3,204 Member
    edited October 13
    I chose the second option. Her reaction was pretty extreme if that was the reason for your "last"conversation? (From my understanding) I know a lot of people who cannot accept different opinions and I will never understand why. It does not bother me in the slightest because we were all blessed with free will and we have a right to use it and respect others right to like, believe, or do what pleases them.

    What DOES bother me however, are people who try to force their opinions or likes on you no matter what🤣 I have a family member like this. We talk less and less these days. Mainly keep it to text. Because he has a strong belief in something and I have a strong belief in something opposite to his.
    But that's perfectly okay. I told him let's just not talk about it we have a million other things to discuss. We will never agree so why can't we focus on things we agree on or just not bring it up?

    But he said it bothers him that I don't agree and even till today he still trys to bring the subject up one way or another and force his opinion.
    I even told him very clearly don't ever bring up the topic till death. Cause even if the sky falls and I'm forced to my knees in the middle of the black void that's left I'm NEVER going to agree.
    Well guess what? He still brings it up 🤣
    So I limited how much we talk lol. I will never understand people like this. But humans are very complex beings 😅

    Honestly I wouldn't even mind if he brought up the topic. Like for example if you like parties and I don't, I would not mind hearing all about your parties as long as you are happy. It only becomes a problem when you start trying to force me to party or tell me I'm wrong for not partying.
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  • logionlogion Posts: 3,490 Member
    No, it doesn't bother me that much... I understand that people have different opinions, and even if you disagree with someone you can still talk with them or discuss things with them.

    In your case I feel that your friend took it way too personal... some people can be like that, I don't really understand why, it's like they don't accept that there can be situations where things don't go great, we learn from it or accept it and move on.

    When it comes to these forums I try to listen to other opinions as well because I'm mostly interested in having a discussion, that's why I like threads which leaves things open for discussion, you learn new things and interact with people.

    But I do like to share my opinion if it's something that I don't like, I am not a fan of kits for example... and I share my opinion because I think it's important for Maxis to see the opinions from people who might not fully like what they make, so they don't only see posts from people that like what they do. But I am fully aware that other people like kits and I am not going to go to a positive kits thread for example and argue there...

    In the end, I think it comes down to respecting each others opinions and be open to discussion.
  • Calico45Calico45 Posts: 1,617 Member
    There is definitely more to it than this, @Babykittyjade, a lot of things out of my control, too. We didn't attend the same higher education and there was a lot of personal stuff on her end, I know, but it is one of the last direct conversations I remember having so I cannot help but wonder just how slighted she felt.

    But yeah, I am interested generally why some people just cannot let it go when a number of times it can seem so trivial of a difference.
  • Calico45Calico45 Posts: 1,617 Member
    edited October 13
    It just occurred to me, but maybe the example is too personal, but it is one of my more vivid memories of a good example. I didn't want to bring up anything political, because you can argue that is a world away from fighting over TV shows (and it starts fights). I also didn't want to just talk about online stuff, because it feels a little disingenuous on my part to ignore its presence IRL.

    If my example makes you uncomfortable, please feel free to ignore it.
  • DeKayDeKay Posts: 73,698 Member
    edited October 13
    Yes and no for me. I think it depends on the context. But usually I would be leaning to not bothering about other people's opinions especially when they're dead wrong. 😜😜 And then I'm fine with opinions that make sense even if they're different from mine.
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  • StrawberryYogurtStrawberryYogurt Posts: 2,464 Member
    Do different opinions bother me? No
    Does the way someone express their opinion affect me? Yes

    If someone thought my fav tv show was childish, id explain why I think its not but leave it at that. It often depends on how you say things. You can dislike something but still express your opinion tactfully.

    Something similiar speech but different topic, a friend was complaining how dark her skin was. She didnt like it and was always teased as a child for being darker than her siblings. Me being black, I took offense to what she said. Shes entitled to how she feels about her skin color, its her opinion whether she likes it or not, but I dont like the way she chose to express herself and it offended me. I took it in stride though and laughed along with her, and compared her skin to mine and jokingly said she can be black with me too.

    For some friends or topics you may choose to be especially careful how you present them. This too is showing love for the other person. But having a different opinion itself isnt offensive and shouldnt be. But also people who are continually easily offended should look to have a thicker skin.
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  • WildIrishBansheeWildIrishBanshee Posts: 1,507 Member
    Honestly, I'm weird - I LOVE when others have a difference of opinion to me. It helps me learn, grow and shape my view of the world. Humanity is so diverse, that it is kind of immature to dwell on someone having a different opinion. Yes, sometimes how they say things may be hurtful. Sometimes it's even done with the intent to cause harm. But I'm like a kid in a candy store when someone has a different opinion, asking 40 million questions and wanting to crawl inside their head for a minute or two.

    I don't like living in ignorance (knowledge is my biggest collection lol) but at least that can be fixed. :lol:
  • bluedanubebluedanube Posts: 685 Member
    No. Differences in opinion do not bother me. The inability to have a healthy disagreement on the other hand, does.

    Let me throw in an analogy: a group of friends (male and female) are going to the cinema to catch a movie but they couldn't decide which one to catch. First they have to settle on a genre, then they decide on which is most popular at the point in time. Now there is a female in the group that happens to be the hyperactive, adventurous type. So she says, "Let's catch the latest action flick that stars Bruce Willis." Another female goes, "I don't like it. It's full of blood and gore and violence. What's the take-away behind a bunch of guys killing each other anyway?" And MAYBE (even though I concede, this does not happen very often anymore), a guy goes, "Yeah. You are a girl. What's with your obsession with watching people killing each other all the time? It's so unladylike."

    Now where does the group go from here?

    Two routes stretched out right in front of them. One: they can stand around arguing their case until the cinema closes, or two: they can decide on watching another genre first, then organize another outing where the hyperactive girl is invited, they can watch fhe movie with Bruce Willis together and whomever not in favor of the movie can opt out and join them at the next outing. Now if the group was smart, they will choose the second option. True, more money will be spent, but if they can mutually agree the friendship is invaluable, who's an extra couple of bucks going to hurt if it makes everybody happy and nobody has to change their personality, likes or dislikes? Should the group bend towards the will of the hyperactive girl and say, "Yeah! Let's go see a bunch of people kill one another! If you have a problem with it, grow up!" Should the group egg on the hyperactive girl and go, "Yeah, let's go see something else. Hey, so and so, you better behave more ladylike less you end up becoming a spinster." Does either behavior make sense in sustaining a friendship? No!


    O.P. (@Calico45), here is what I think about your predicament. Because you mentioned in your second post that your friend had alot of personal stuff going on in her life, it would suggest that at the point of the conversation, your friend is going through a bit of a rough patch. I am not trying to downplay whatever's going on in her life but trust me, everybody has got a hard luck story to tell. This is not an opportunity to cast an ultimatum to the other person and ask, "Hey, my interests? Or sacrificing this friendship?" That's just outright manipulative. Accomodation is one thing, but forceful behavior modification is another. Now, you weren't completely in the right. You called her interests 'childish'. Whether you might have intended it to be, or not, she might have taken it as a personal attack. To your credit, you noticed this and immediately apologised. You didn't wait a month, two months, three, half a year down the line? You did it immediately so you demonstrated your part in taking responsibility in your choice of words and attempted to salvage the friendship. Now the onus is on them to decide whether they want to accept or not. And the longer they take to respond, the more unfavorable the outlook for them because it comes off as them playing the ultimatum game. You both used to be friends once upon a time after all. Why would it be so difficult for her to be honest with you on where she wants to take this friendship?

    On a lighter note, I think if you were to beat yourself up over anything, it should be learning how to be a little bit more tactful with your words. But as far as attempting to salvage the relationship is concerned, you have committed to your share of the responsibilies.


    No. Differences in opinion should not bother anyone. No two people have the same approach to a problem at hand unless they are following a convention, they do not share an identical set of hobbies and interests. Even twins do not have similar personalities and patterns of thought.
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  • xLunaSimsxxLunaSimsx Posts: 6,659 Member
    I feel so mean being probably one of the only people who does get bothered by it😭 It’s not that I don’t acknowledge that people can have other opinions, of course everyone can, and my opinion is no more right than yours. It’s just an internal frustration I guess 💀 I feel bad about it and I wish that I didn’t get upset by it, because everyone thinks very differently, it’s just how I am.
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  • Calico45Calico45 Posts: 1,617 Member
    Don't feel too bad, @xLunaSimsx. At least you own up to it and when it comes down to it we can find it hard to control our emotions. I think the main problem comes in if that one things stains the whole way you feel about a person.

    I may not know you personally, but you do sound reasonable.
  • WildIrishBansheeWildIrishBanshee Posts: 1,507 Member
    xLunaSimsx wrote: »
    I feel so mean being probably one of the only people who does get bothered by it😭 It’s not that I don’t acknowledge that people can have other opinions, of course everyone can, and my opinion is no more right than yours. It’s just an internal frustration I guess 💀 I feel bad about it and I wish that I didn’t get upset by it, because everyone thinks very differently, it’s just how I am.

    I can get that way when someone approaches me wrong. You know the type, constantly belittling everything? Then I do get defensive and frustrated - sometimes even downright mean - because fairness isn't in play. Being fair is right up there with being free in my world. But I still try to talk it out - sometimes though, things just don't work that way. It's human. In all its diverse splendor.
  • dreamerz13dreamerz13 Posts: 9,621 Member
    Generally as long as opinions are presented respectfully no. But I think it's pretty normal to have off days or something that you just take the wrong way. So I'm sure there's been times where I've been bothered and I shouldn't have.

    I think the world would be so incredibly boring if we all thought the same. Different opinions make the world more diverse and engaging. Sure, if I really like something and think my friend would too and it turns out they don't I might be a little bummed. But not really hurt. I'd get over it about as fast as the conversation moved on.

    I would say there was a time where I too probably would have taken somebody calling a show I liked childish as a personal attack even if it wasn't meant that way. I used to be a lot more sensitive. Now I'd just embrace my childish side if someone said that. I learned not to sweat the petty things so much.
  • SweetieWright_84SweetieWright_84 Posts: 2,041 Member
    If I got angry every time someone didn't like something I like, I would have no friends. I mean, I don't really have friends but not because of that. My favorite band is Blue October, my husband can't stand the band, except for 2 songs. We agree on music genres, Alternative, but not always on songs.

    It's the same thing with movies. I'm not a fan of horror movies, he loves them. I don't mind a few jump scares and such, but I hate the gore.

    And he's not a huge Sims fan either.

    We agree on the important things, and that's what matters.
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  • NushnushganayNushnushganay Posts: 9,414 Member
    It wasn't having a different opinion, it was the way you presented it. Imagine you were gushing to a friend about a book you loved, and all they said after hearing how wonderful and witty you thought it was, was "I found it childish," wouldn't you feel a sense of having had your taste and/or intelligence insulted?

    If you had instead listed what you found fault with specifically as you did in describing it to us: "I didn't like the art style and the commercials' humor never really landed either" that would lead to further discussion of how your perspectives differed, but even if it didn't, it at least avoided coming off as a shut-down or an insult.

    I am not condemning you. This is something I've been trying to work on in myself.

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  • SweetieWright_84SweetieWright_84 Posts: 2,041 Member
    edited October 14
    I went back and reread all the other posts, and I wanted to add a little more to the conversation.

    In this particular scenario, you said your friend had other life things going on. Maybe Steven Universe was her escape from all the other stuff. Much like Sims is an escape for many people. Maybe she felt attacked because it was the one good thing going on in her life at the time. By you calling it childish, she may have felt you were dismissing her only glimmer of hope in a dark time.

    Maybe she thought you two could watch it together to help her forget her problems for a few minutes. By telling her you didn't like it, it hurt her because she felt unsupported in that moment.

    Like Nushnushganay, I'm not condemning you, I'm just trying to offer some insight as to what could have been going through her head. I hope all I've said makes sense.
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  • logionlogion Posts: 3,490 Member
    edited October 14
    It wasn't having a different opinion, it was the way you presented it. Imagine you were gushing to a friend about a book you loved, and all they said after hearing how wonderful and witty you thought it was, was "I found it childish," wouldn't you feel a sense of having had your taste and/or intelligence insulted?

    If you had instead listed what you found fault with specifically as you did in describing it to us: "I didn't like the art style and the commercials' humor never really landed either" that would lead to further discussion of how your perspectives differed, but even if it didn't, it at least avoided coming off as a shut-down or an insult.

    I am not condemning you. This is something I've been trying to work on in myself.

    Sometimes people are not interested in doing that, I would say that you can try to ask "why?" in this example: "why did you found it childish?" but if neither you, or the person is not interested in doing that, then I don't think you should pursue it.

    When a situation like that occurs I try to change the conversation to something else. Getting along with others sometimes means finding similar topics or things that you like to talk about, and I know that some people are pretty bad at that, especially if you have not talked with them for a while...

    Getting insulted or triggered about something is rarely worth it, especially online.
  • GrumpyGlowfishGrumpyGlowfish Posts: 1,690 Member
    I'm not offended by other people's different opinions, but have experienced many instances of them being offended by mine. For example, there's several popular franchises that I'm not a fan of (Lord of the Rings, Matrix and Star Wars, to name a few), and I often get called out on it, sometimes seriously, sometimes humorously. But even that humour gets old after a while, especially since I've never tried to ruin them for others or anything, just said that they're not my cup of tea. That's the kind of thing that bothers me, being told that my opinion is "wrong" because it's not in line with the alleged majority.

    And don't even get me started on people who get personally offended when you don't share their interests, yet have no qualms about telling you repeatedly how little they think of yours. What you say is one thing, how you say it is another, and being a hypocrite is also a thing.
  • SkanningSkanning Posts: 4 New Member
    I'm way up there in age and at this stage I simply don't hang around someone who easily takes offense over a differing opinion. Those types of people are exhausting to deal with....so I don't.
  • bluedanubebluedanube Posts: 685 Member
    Honestly, I'm weird - I LOVE when others have a difference of opinion to me. It helps me learn, grow and shape my view of the world.

    @WildIrishBanshee I don't think you're weird at all. I think that is just a case of you being objective rather than subjective. You're open-minded and willing to perceive matters from your interlocutor's point of view. I think that's admirable actually. I have learnt perspectives from others that help to lay a foundation for a new approach at looking into a subject matter, to a point that I had to demolish my previous held worldview to reconstruct a new one, one that has more explanatory power to the matter than that which I've previously held before. Assimilation will be tough at first, but human thought is evolutionary - from Tabula Rasa to Perspective A to Perspective B and so on.
    Imagine you were gushing to a friend about a book you loved, and all they said after hearing how wonderful and witty you thought it was, was "I found it childish," wouldn't you feel a sense of having had your taste and/or intelligence insulted?

    @Nushnushganay I agree. With no any intent to antagonize O.P. whatsoever, the word 'childish' carries a negative connotation to it. When used in a sentence to address somebody else, or their interests for that matter, it can come across as condescending. Because one is using it as a means of comparison to suggest they are at the level of maturity higher than that other person. Nobody likes to hear, "Your preferences are childish." or "Your taste in music is trashy." etc.etc. Heck - I'd even say a more tactful way of paraphrasing it, "Doesn't Steven Universe cater to a younger demographic" is threading on a very thin line.

    But @Calico45, I am just curious. What do you intend to do now that you have garnered all of our opinions?
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  • Calico45Calico45 Posts: 1,617 Member
    Honestly? Nothing major, @bluedanube. I was curious as to getting new insight on a behaviour I see often enough to be perplexed by my lack of understanding of it. Over seemingly trivial things like say a YouTube comment section, people will spend hours feeling slighted. I can honestly say that no one has ever explained to me such compulsions before. It is always "other people" and I figured in an anonymous poll I could see if "other people" were somewhat of a silent majority.

    I never planned for so many to get so caught up in the details my specific example. It was just an easy way to explain the behaviour and my understanding. It didn't feel right to just speculate or bring up online stuff, and I do have other examples although this was arguably the cleanest.

    Personally, it isn't my place to divulge her info, but last I heard she was in no place to reconnect or anything. Nor do I know if I should even try. I do admit you and @Nushnushganay are right that "childish" has a negative connotation which is why the word choice bothered me so much immediately after, but after thinking about it I think most people have had an interest dismissed as childish once upon a time. It is kind of part of growing up.

    I still have childish interests. It never felt good to hear, but I was sensitive in the opposite way when I was younger. When something I liked was trashed, I didn't say anything. A better person would have admitted having an interest and left it at that. Instead, I was just quiet about it. If I thought others wouldn't like something, I saw no reason to share. (Not hurt either, but no one could call it fun.) Nowadays, I am more forward for better or worse so I will even ask something like this.
  • WhatCobblersWhatCobblers Posts: 1,591 Member
    I generally feel it's polite to listen if someone is talking about their passion or an interest they really like, even if you don't share the same enthusiasm. Having a topic shut down straight away when you really want to talk about it can feel a little bit as though the other person doesn't care.
    Having been in many group situations where I had different interests from my friends/peers, it can feel lonely and disheartening when no one shares the same excitement.
    @Calico45 I can definitely relate to keeping quiet about interests and the frustration it brings. I wonder if perhaps your friend has had her interests dismissed or made fun of by other people a lot in the past, and maybe this is why she reacted strongly to your comment?

    I agree with @GrumpyGlowfish in that when a friend or group tries to assert their interest as the superior one and change yours to suit theirs, that is when it bothers me. What frustrated me so much about the behaviour of some of my peer groups when younger was their belief that everyone in the friendship should be, and act, the same, and if you didn't conform then you weren't worthy to be in that friendship group. (Fair enough because I don't wish to associate with such shallow-minded people anyway.) Because that's not friendship. That's just people manipulating others to fulfill their own need for affirmation, to compensate for their own insecurities.

    On another note, surely very few interests (TV shows, books, games, etc) are universally bad or 'uncool' because, if no one liked them at all, why would they still be publicised/ broadcast/ merchandised/ have followings on the internet/ sold in shops all over the world/ have fan art etc?
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  • GirlFromIpanemaGirlFromIpanema Posts: 586 Member
    edited October 16
    I am not bothered by different opinions, as long as they are being shared politely and maturely it can lead to some very interesting conversations.

    I also don't believe opinions should be set in stone. I've changed my opinions on certain things over the years because I was able to looks at all the information, give things a second chance, and not be threated by opinions that are different to mine.

    I enjoy speaking to people with different opinions and I've learnt a lot by doing so. :smile:
  • BariSaxyBariSaxy Posts: 4,591 Member
    The way someone presents their opinion is very important. I'm fine with someone not liking the music and other media, I do, but if they call it "garbage" and attack the people that like it, then we might have a problem.

    Opinions can also be a result of prejudices. Such as when something new comes out that teen girls like, it's instantly hated by people who don't know anything else about it. It's just assumed to be horrible because girls like it, and it becomes an outright fad to hate.
  • icmnfrshicmnfrsh Posts: 18,614 Member
    I mean, it depends on what the opinion is, and how it's expressed. If people think that mint ice cream is disgusting because it tastes like toothpaste, it doesn't bother me. I can still enjoy mint ice cream just the same.

    If people express an opinion in an obnoxious way (e.g. only the X ending is canon and fans of the other endings don't exist, people who like X have no taste), then I'd think it's annoying.

    If people express an opinion that espouses hate towards a group of people or is harmful, then yeah, that's going to bother me
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