Sims 3 Crackfic - "Just Plasma Bugs"

Nikkei_Simmer

Finally decided to "archive" this in the Stories and Legacies:



Chapter One - Stuck Here in Moonlight Falls

Haruo: I don't know what the Watcher is thinking but he's placed me in Moonlight Falls with Bebe and River without so much as a "how do you do" and the only instruction being "Go forth and multiply". That really got me in good with both Bebe and River. They both are looking at me as if they'd like to grab the nearest sharp object and make me a eunuch. And the catch all is "You can only sell plasma bugs." - "You can eat stuff off trees and raid gardens for food, but until you've built your basic house, you can only sell plasma bugs. A basic house being one bedroom, one bathroom, one kitchen, and one dining room and outfitted everything in that basic house...all of which are paid for by plasma bugs." This is going to be the death of me.

River: Who the hell thought up this 🐸🐸🐸🐸 idea. He and I know bloody well that it's a he...needs to be castrated.

Bebe: Whoever thought up this idea deserves to be boiled in oil after being flogged to within an inch of his life.

Watcher: "Oh...and don't forget, you're werewolves."

Bebe and River: "You're kidding, right?"

Watcher: "Nope"

Bebe and River: "Oh...he's sooooo dead."

Haruo: "I'm soooooo dead!"

Nikkei_Simmer

Chapter Two: "Guess It Could Be Worse"

River: This is downright disgusting. I mean who agrees to a love-triangle with one guy and two women? I mean this has to be the work of a Male Watcher. Who else could it be?

Bebe: Hellooo...no kidding...either that or the Watcher is a major 🐸🐸🐸🐸...

River: You think he put the Watcher up to it?

Bebe: Well, that better not be the case.


River: If he did...he'd better hope that we don't find out.

Bebe: Yeah...hey...you...did you put the Watcher up to this idea?

Haruo: (to himself) I'm soooooo dead...

Haruo: Me and my bright ideas...

Nikkei_Simmer

Chapter Three: "Fishing and Fixing"

It's a beautiful day out here in Moonlight Falls; y'know the kind of day that makes you wish that the weather could stay like this for the rest of your time there. Not too hot, not too cold, the temperature is just right and the humidity is just perfect so that the breezes are cool and the sun is just the right degree of warmth. Heck it's the perfect day for fishing.

River: It's gorgeous out here. I could drop a worm in the water for hours and enjoy the weather out here.

Bebe: The pond's nice and the breeze coming off the water is great. I can hear the waterfall just over the way there.

Haruo: Oh, I sure hope the two of them don't castrate me. I think I'll stay here and fish for the rest of my existence if it keeps me intact.

River: I just realized I need a big knife to clean off these fish. I wonder if the grocery store carries knives.

Bebe: You're right, River, there's plenty of uses for a knife.

Mitchell: I sure hope she isn't thinking about castrating us too.

Franz: ~gulp~

Yep...the three males are rather in a state of mind...considering that thoughts about fishing have suddenly turned to thoughts of orchiectomy. The Watcher would suggest they stay low and hide - but he doesn't want to make himself a target either.

Nikkei_Simmer

Oh...great realized I have to track down all the posts... Well...here goes.

Nikkei_Simmer

Just Plasma Bugs

Chapter Four: Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes Were-Changes

Watcher: Just when you think that things couldn't get any better, the fishing, the peace and quiet and of course, the incessant itching from grass fleas.

River: Oooh...ugh...


River: Dang grass fleas...


Watcher: Evidently the itching forces you into getting the urge to change into something savage and scare the living daylights out of the rest of the populace, although the other pack of werewolves in town would't be bothered, nor would the walking undead bloodsuckers. However the fairies and the witches are darned near terrified.


Watcher: Normally they would have passed out from each other's transformation, but well, evidently the discomfort of being bitten by fleas distracted them from being terrorized. Fleas don't discriminate between human form and were-form.


Haruo: I'm just going to go ignore all the werewolf transformations or I might just pee myself.

Watcher: Evidently he ignored them so long the sun set between the transformations of the girls and his own.


Watcher: Well, at least they could smell things a lot better now and hunt for gemstones, insects and other creepy crawlies. Whatever stuff that werewolves hunt for. I wouldn't know since I'm not one. And Mitchell, the cat, well, he went after a Malayan Krait that got a little too close to his buddy Franz.


Watcher: Don't ask me how a South East Pacific highly venomous snake got onto the North American mainland and populated the area. That might be a story for the Canadian Food Inspection Agency - which in itself is another story. Who the heck mandated the CFIA to oversee importation of pets? Yeah, it's not like we eat our pets...here...

...in Canada.

Nikkei_Simmer

Just Plasma Bugs

Chapter 5: Finding Plasma Bugs

Watcher: Sunset was a brilliant orange, but the warmth quickly faded and Haruo, well, he managed to get himself all highlighted by the sunset which probably wasn't a good idea if he didn't want to be ID'd by the rest of the hostile supernaturals namely those toothy plasmasuckers who had nothing better to do but drain humans of their life-essence and remark casually about how O- tasted better than A+ and whatever vintage was much tastier. Haruo hated those bloodsuckers with a passion. Nothing was better than to rip out the throat of one of those vampires and send them back to whatever hell they came from.

Haruo: "Man...black nails? People are going to think I'm contagious or something!"

Watcher: "Don't worry, nobody will notice..."

Haruo: You'd better hope not.

Watcher (threateningly): "Hey, I made you, I can remove you from this game..."

Haruo: "Oh, Please, can you, really, That would be so nice...??"

Watcher: "No."

Haruo: "drats..."

Watcher: "Meanwhile Haruo was bemoaning his fate with regards to being stuck in this sadistic Watcher's game of Let's see how much we can torture Haruo and by extension River and Bebe. Hey, the Watcher can call himself sadistic if he wants to. No point in sugar-coating it."

Bebe: "Guess I didn't do too badly. Found a plasma bug. "

Haruo: "Yeah, I found two."

River: "Heh heh heh...I found eight." Winner winner chicken dinner.

Bebe and Haruo: "Hey...she must've cheated!"

River: "No I didn't..."

Bebe and Haruo: Yes, you did...

River: "No I didn't..."

Watcher: "OK...next time you each find as many as you can...and well who ever wins it wins it, no complaints, got it?"

All: ~grumble~.

Watcher: "Now get in your tents, it's late and you all need some sleep."

River: "But I have to turn in the plasma bugs."

Watcher: "Oh, all right...get going..."

Taxi Driver: "Hey Lady!!! I'm drivin' here!!! Get the heck outta the way!!!"

River: "Cranky driver!!!"


Watcher: "Well...at least she made it back safely after depositing a grand total of eleven plasma bugs for the night...little less sleep than the rest of the gang; a nice haul of about §48,950 in the account and a bunch of satisfied biology eggheads. What else could be better?"

All: "A house would be nice..."

Watcher: "Shut up and go to sleep!!!"

Nikkei_Simmer

Just Plasma Bugs
Chapter Six: "Hallelujah, A Roof"

Watcher: It appeared as though several days of running around like chickens with their heads cut off warranted a purchase of building materials that allowed the three humans and dog and cat to finally put a roof over their head. Which meant that was well over 24 plasma bugs which at a price tag of §4400 a bug pretty much bankrolled the whole house. Of course it didn't help that Haruo, being slightly brain-dead from lack of sleep sold the girls' tents out from under them. It was surprising he didn't get castrated for that alone.

Bebe set about increasing their family fortunes by working on her science skills and eventually mastered it and thus ended up pummelling innocent insects' carapaces with radiation which eventually turned them into plasma bugs.

Bebe: "Oh my God, we're going to be RICH!"

River: "Well, it's certainly nice that we are no longer in the elements trying to keep from being attacked by those disgusting vampires. I mean, who would want to get their blood sucked by those undead things. Really..."

Watcher: "You realize the tough part of the game is coming up..."

River: "What do you mean, Watcher?"

Watcher: "Well, remember the other part of the rules? Y'know...Go Forth and Multiply?

River: "Well...🐸🐸🐸🐸!"

Watcher: "Well, Bebe, tired of the doesn't like technology moodlet decided to take matters into her own hands with regards to getting rid of it. She decided to give herself a whole new personality with the brain machine or whatever the hell this is, you expect me to keep track of every name in this game? What do you think I am, Dictionaries R'Us?

Bebe: "Oh cool, a really cool machine. I can learn so much from this thing. It even has a setting to give me knowledge just by sitting on my buttend and letting it change my brain-waves.

Watcher: "You also know that it has a capacity to toast your brain too?

Bebe: "Well...🐸🐸🐸🐸..."

Bebe: "Well, at least it didn't toast my brain that time...and hey look, no adverse moodlets when I go to use the science station. Yippee..."

Watcher: "Well...ain't that just fine n' dandy, Skippy."

Narrator: Meanwhile the Watcher was bored out of his mind so He decided to give one of the MacDuffs a good jolt.

Watcher: "Yeah, I was bored. Don't know if it was Joe, Jules or Flint, don't care either. Whichever way it was hysterically funny."

??? MacDuff: "No it wasn't..."

Watcher: "Shut up or you'll get it again..."

ZAAAPPP!!!

??? MacDuff: ~groan~ "Ow..."

Haruo: "Still can't afford to get any crummy furniture... The Watcher's still got me going into dumpsters to get furniture. We're still having to trade in plasma bugs for simoleons."

Watcher: "Nag nag nag... you've got a roof over your head so you're not getting rained on. You don't get to sell your stuff until you build three bedrooms (one for each of you, a kitchen, a separated dining room, a living room and a bathroom plus someplace to keep your junk in."

Haruo: "Oh for heaven's sakes...we'll be at this until first snowfall.

Watcher: "Could be worse, you could still be in a tent."

Bebe: "Hey, I got level 10 Mastery in Science...and I've transmutated ten plasma bugs!!!"

Watcher: ~smug grin~ "As I was saying..."

Watcher: "...you might want to take a shower when you get back home."

Haruo: "Oh do shut up!"

Later on that Night

Alien: "House?"

Franz: "Who the hell are you?!"


Narrator: "At least our little ad hoc family is now encased in a house of their own...and hopefully in the next few days of plasma bug transmutation and hunting they will have th opportunity to complete their little abode.

Haruo, River, Bebe, Mitchell and Franz: "When can we finish with hunting for plasma bugs...we're tired, Narrator!"

Watcher: "Hey...you wanna have me institute a rule of ONLY plasma bugs for the rest of the game? If not, shut up!"

Haruo, River, Bebe, Mitchell and Franz: "🐸🐸🐸🐸."

Nikkei_Simmer

Just Plasma Bugs
Chapter Seven: "As I Was Saying!"

Narrator: Well, in the little town of Moonlight Falls, the three sims and two pets decided that they were going to add on to their little home and make things comfortable for themselves. So that's exactly what they did. And they had made themselves comfortable but until they had fulfilled the rest of the requirements: three bedrooms, kitchen, bathroom (one was good enough to fulfill the requirements, but it would be advisable for them to actually have more than one since it would prevent lineups, 🐸🐸🐸🐸 dancing and other fine associated events such as incessant questions such as: "Are you friggin' done in there yet?") separate dining room, living room and a place to store their stuff that they used on a regular basis. Right now it was only one floor but the three were seriously considering adding on to the building.

River: (looking at paper) "Hey, Narrator, what did the Watcher mean by Go Forth and Multiply?." I didn't catch the meaning.

Watcher: ~facepalm~

Narrator: "Why do you always leave me the hard explanations?"

Watcher: "Because. I'm just a figment of these sims' imaginations. They can't see me but they know that I'm there governing their every action. By the way, I haven't had the opportunity in a while to fry the Frios with a good lightning strike I need to pay them a visit."

Narrator: "So, Well, River...Go forth and multiply means that you procreate with the male of the species.

River: "Eewwwwww!!!"

Watcher: "But don't worry. You still have time to go in searching for plasma bugs yet. It doesn't have to be a quick thing."

Narrator: (coughs) As I was saying, Haruo was raiding the neighbours garden to harvest little grey squares (which is what happens when you have a computer that doesn't generate things very quickly). Presumably he got some vegetables out of the hassle.

Haruo: "I think those were grapes."

Narrator: "Whatever.As I was saying..."

Haruo: "Yup. I remember now, those were grapes."

Narrator: "Do you mind? I'm trying to tell a story here?"

Haruo: "Oh...sorry, eh."

Narrator: "Sheesh...Haruo was riding his bike home after picking vegetables and fruits."

Narrator: "...and he would later get the urge to transform as would River and Bebe. Of course, poor Bebe saw her own transformation in the mirror and well...y'know what happened next."

All except for Bebe: "No we don't know what happened next."

Watcher: "So what did happen, Narrator?"

Haruo: "Aren't you omnipotent and All-Knowing, Watcher?"

Watcher (thinks a minute): "yeah, I am, aren't I? I should know that...she passed out..."

Haruo, River and Bebe look skeptically at the Watcher (or where they think the Watcher is).

Watcher: "Just needed to think for a minute there...uh...y'know...side-effects of the shot, my memory's a bit fuzzy."

All (except the Watcher): "You got a shot?"

Haruo: "Ugh, I hate those things. they use a great big needle...attached to an injection thing the size of a caulking gun..."

Watcher: "No, really, it's not that bad...it's a really itty bitty needle. y'know. Didn't feel a thing, other than the general low-grade fever and feeling of malaise. Second day was the worst."

River: "Hey...waitaminute...there's more than one of you?"

Bebe: "You mean to say that this is a polytheistic society not monodeistic that we're worshipping?"

Watcher (hastily): "uh......Hey, Narrator, go on with the story. It lies beyond your train of understanding...Um...Watcher works in mysterious ways...or something like that..."

All: discontented murmurs.

Narrator (irritated cough): "As I was saying, if I can continue! They all got the urge to transform.


Narrator: "...and hunt for gemstones and other things that they could potentially find."

Haruo: "Aroooooooooo!!!!"

Narrator (rolls eyes): ~cough~ "...and plasma bugs"

Watcher: "It would have sounded otherworldly if it wasn't for that coughing fit at the end."

Haruo: "Y'think you can do better, eh?"

Narrator (throws script in the air and walks off): "I'm done, they won't quit interrupting!"

All: "Gee, what crawled up his poo-hole and died?"

Nikkei_Simmer

Just Plasma Bugs
Chapter Eight: "Ham and Pineapple Pizzas and Hell"

Haruo: "Stuck up Narrator..."

Haruo: "Don't care if the flark comes back or not."

Watcher: "Well, ya wouldn't shut up, eh."

Haruo: "Oh, take off, hoser."

Watcher: "Well Haruo went off in a snarl and hunted until dark as did River and Bebe. They were hoping that their next haul of plasma bugs along with the insects that Bebe was transmogrifying with the aid of the science center into plasma bugs would give them enough simoleons to put them over the edge. After all they needed to have a full starter house built before they could cut and sell off the rapidly mounting number of gemstones and metals that Franz had located for them. Meanwhile, Mitchell had found a vast number of insects which resulted in Haruo, River and Bebe having to get chests to store the stuff in; one for gemstones and metals, another for insects and yet another one for alchemic materials. They stored a lot of moonstone in that one. And once they were done, they came home and slept."



Watcher: "It was abundantly clear that they were exhausted after such a long hunt looking for various materials. In Bebe's dream, she was dreaming about how Haruo could potentially be a big teddy bear that she could cuddle up with."

Watcher: "...and River: she was dreaming about blocks which either meant that she thought Haruo was a blockhead or she has a fascination with building blocks. The Watcher can't tell which..."

Watcher: "...then it switched to red roses in a vase. I have no idea what that means. It could be that she is confused about what she wants. I'm no psychologist."

Watcher: "Morning brought a desire to go fishing for young Ms. McIrish, so River setout to go fishing at the pond just over a ways. She raised her skill level in fishing and caught a number of fish, which were scaly and cold and quite frankly, not to comfortable since goodness knows where they're putting that stuff considering that miniskirts (unless they have jean-skirts on, do not have pockets. No I'm not that omniscient...and I don't know what the heck they use their purses for. All I know is that my wife's purse weighs a metric carp-ton and I'm surprised I haven't thrown my deteriorating back out."

Haruo: "I think I'll bake myself a pizza. Good heavens, am I only allowed to make extra cheezy pizza, pepperoni pizza, and fully loaded pizza? What happened to the Greek and Hawaiian style pizzas?"

Watcher: "You are aware that Hawaiian pizza wasn't actually Hawaiian?"

Haruo: "Say what?"

Watcher: "No, really, some guy in Chatham Ontario came up with that. He essentially dropped a can of pineapple on top of a ham pizza and voila...thus was born the Ham n' Pineapple Hawaiian (but not Hawaiian) pizza.

Haruo: "Boy, that sounds like a really delicious pizza."

Watcher: "Heretic, the only true pizza is the fully loaded."

Haruo: "Snob."

Watcher: "Plebeian barbarian."

Watcher: "Thus the last hunt had put them over the top for enough plasma bugs to build onto their house and meet the achievement of building the minimum requirements to satisfy the initial quest of the challenge: to build a house using the proceeds of only plasma bugs. It would prove to be quite an achievement for the group.




Haruo, River and Bebe: "You're darned right it was an achievement. It as also a royal pain in the -...

Watcher: "You do realize that foul language is an affront to the Watcher."

Haruo, River and Bebe: "Oh, blow it out your left ear."

Watcher: "That's it, all three of you are going to hell."

Haruo: "We don't believe in hell...in the Sims."

Watcher: "Well, if you've seen some of the worlds that I've been thinking of cooking up, I'll create one and stick you three in it. You'll think hell all right."

River: "Really it couldn't be any worse than this challenge you've stuck us with..."

Bebe: "One guy and two girls...really...that was a flark move, y'know that?"

Haruo: "Heyyy!!!"

Watcher: "By the way...Fully loaded pizza is the holy grail and Ham and Pineapple pizza sucks."

Haruo: "I think I'll add my own ham and pineapple pizza to the mix here...fully loaded isn't fully loaded if you leave out pineapple. You Pretentious Pizza Prig."

Watcher: "primordial ooze."

Nikkei_Simmer

Just Plasma Bugs
Chapter Nine: "Now That We Have a House"

Haruo: "I swear that my brain has just melted from watching the idiocy on TV. Is there anything better on this idiot-tube than Snow Capers?"

Watcher: "Not really...you could switch to the cooking channel and learn something."


Haruo: "Maybe I'll just go and deposit the plasma bugs over at the science center."

Watcher: "Now there's a thought."

Watcher: "...and when you get back don't forget to water the orchard...and the dogs...they're looking kinda parched."

Haruo: "Nag nag nag..."

Watcher: "oh...and the cats too."

Haruo: "I'm going fishing..."

Watcher: "Convenient. Don't forget to catch dinner!"

Haruo: "What?"

Watcher: "You're an angler, you figure it out."

New Narrator: "Later on that night, Haruo took his catch to the store and dropped it off for more simoleons, but didn't take into account the fact that the full moon was out that night. And well, he being under the spell of the moon, changed over into his bad self. Like y'know. Shades of George Clinton."...

Haruo: "Oh...ha ha ha...very funny. very Intense..."

New Narrator: "He decided to show his fangs to Gladsten Farmwell and well, Gladsten decided to tell Haruo to "Go on, Get it with your bad self."

Haruo: "Hey...! Is there anyway that we can have the old narrator back. This one's jokes are so bad they reek."



Gladsten Farmwell: "Hey...what the hell's with trying to show your fangs at me?"

Haruo: "I'm a werewolf, that's what I do."

New Narrator: "After trouncing Gladsten in a fight, Haruo decided to scare the living daylights out of Gladsten."

New Narrator: "Now that he was done making friends and influencing people, Haruo decided to head down to Varg's Tavern where he decided to have a few drinks and meet some new people."



New Narrator: "Needless to say his "I've got fleas, care to pick them off me?" come-on schtick didn't get him any takers. Nope, Beatrice Crumplebottom recoiled in revulsion.

New Narrator: "Of course, fleas didn't really bother the undead and there was one particular vamp that didn't mind the come-on. In fact she was eyeing him like he was a prime A-1 plasma donor. They chatted for a while, but y'know weres and vamps go together like oil and water so Haruo went home and read a book. Fangs for the memories."

Haruo: "I want the old narrator back!"

Nikkei_Simmer

Just Plasma Bugs
Chapter Ten - "Plasma Bugs; Attempted Abductions and Apple Pie"

New Narrator: "Well, Bebe spent her time radiating not so rare bugs, giving them radiation burns and turning them into plasma bugs or ending up with an irradiated bug on the loose which probably was not the best thing to have happen in the case of turning beetles, spiders or other assorted creepy crawly insects into plasma bugs.

Of course, no-one ever asks the bugs how they feel about this. They might not like the experience...but all in the name of science."

New Narrator: "That evening an alien decided that he was going to pay the male member of the family a visit..."

Haruo: "You think I want to end up impregnated by your pointy-eared spawn, you psycho green-skin!!!?"

Watcher: "I guess he should take that as a no?

Haruo: "No...****, Sherlock!"

New Narrator: "Haruo proceeded to give the pointy-eared alien a piece of his mind..."

Haruo: "You'd better run, you pointy-eared freak, or I'm going to turn your entrails into origami...and hang them off my car rearview like a dream-catcher!"

Alien: "Please don't hurt me..."

Haruo: Take that...and that...and...that..."

Sound effects: SMASH, KERPOW, WHAP!"

Alien: "OW!!!! NOT MY EARS...NOT MY EARS!!!"

Haruo: "You'd better get your green-skinned rear-end out of here if you know what's good for you...and don't come back...tell your friends too."





New Narrator: After dealing with that recalcitrant and obstrusive alien, Haruo, to soothe, his ruffled feathers, went in to make some apple pie.

Haruo: "Hope that alien doesn't come back or I'm going to shove this down his gaping maw...FRESH from the oven."

Watcher: "Dang, third degree interior bodily burns by freshly baked pastry. Wonder how the ER is going to handle this one."

Haruo: "What do you mean...ER? That mangy 🐸🐸🐸🐸 alien is going to be headed on a one way trip to the Area 51 Morgue. Tries to make me pregnant, ain't nobody gonna do that to me, no how."

River: "And what makes you so special?! Or do you think that we're the only ones that would be in the family way? Huh?"

Haruo: "Well, you're equipped for that..."

River looks around for a sharp object to castrate Haruo...

Haruo: "I think I hear my skill books calling me."


River: "Chicken! I'm going out for a run."

New Narrator: "So as to not get on even worse terms with River and Bebe, Haruo went outside and planted peaches. I think it was mostly to make sure he stayed out of reach of Bebe and River

...and sharp objects.

New Narrator: "...then he came inside and plunged the toilet. I don't know which was worse; getting into crap or cleaning out crap...either way it was a stinky mess."

Haruo: "Better than losing my man-parts...y'know."

New Narrator: "Then Haruo went into his room and decided to play a game on his laptop.

River and Bebe: "Hey, how come HE gets to have a computer and we don't?

Watcher: "Well, he's a male...and y'know how males get bored...very easily...uh..."

River and Bebe: "...uh Watcher, you're male too..."

Watcher: "Uh...why else do you think I play with Sims' lives, huh? It's not for my health..."

River and Bebe glare at him

Watcher: "Hey, Haruo...you got a two-player game in there? I think I'm going to join you."


River: "I think I've had it with those two, I'm hungry, I'm going to have myself some of that apple pie."

River: (loudly), "And no wise-acre comments about cherry pie either!!! Or I'll neuter you two."

Haruo and the Watcher: (quietly)..."Did you say anything about that? I didn't."

Nikkei_Simmer

Just Plasma Bugs
Chapter Eleven: "Making Potions, Fishing and Deafening Argus Brown"

New Narrator: "Utilizing the potion table, River happily concocted potions that would supposedly do a variety of things that would help them, including increase their lifespan exponentially, as well as bring an annoying little critter to life called an imaginary friend. Which hopefully would be avoided as most of River's extended relations didn't know where she was, nor was Haruo's relations inclined to send anything should something happend that would cause offspring to pop out. Hopefully it would stay that way, since imaginary friends were creepy."

River: "I think they're cute."

Bebe: "I think they're creepy too. And you never had one so how would you know?"

River: "Several of my friends had one. Heck one even married her imaginary friend."

Bebe: "That is so weird."

Bebe: "...yeah...definitely weird... So you go hang out with your weird self...and I'm gonna go fishing...with Haruo."

River: "Yeah OK... you do whatever..."

Bebe: "Hey, Haruo, let's go fishing...no knives... I promise."

Haruo: "Oh...ok..."

River: "Hey, Haruo, it's your turn to make dinner."

Haruo (outraged): "What do you mean MY turn, I made dinner last night!"

River: "No you didn't, you made apple pie...that's dessert, not dinner."

Haruo: "Nag nag nag..."

River: "I heard that."

New Narrator: "When Haruo and Bebe were at the park, they got to know one another.



New Narrator: "Both Haruo and Bebe were interested in fishing...which made things nice and cozy between the two of them. Bebe was also interested in gardening which was yet another thing that they shared in common. Of course they also talked about the things that formulated the challenge that they were set out to do. They'd completed the plasma bugs section of the challenge relatively quickly and considering that they were werewolves, it was relatively easy as well as with the assistance of the dogs and the cats of which there were one more of each. Mitchell was joined by a female cat named Sasha and Franz was joined by a male friend named Heinz, like the ketchup, only saltier. They were all aggressive hunters with a penchant for finding things and digging holes in the ground. Sasha and Mitchell were both good with their claws taking on anything with no, two, four, six or eight legs (which included the spiders)...so far there were no centipedes, as far as they knew so anything more than six legs was considered unnatural which put the spiders right into that category."

Bebe had to go transmute some more plasma bugs, so she headed home...directly after catching a few fish. Haruo on the other hand headed to the grocery store, which ended up with him running into Argus Brown the town thug. Haruo gave him one heckuva greeting with the Pyle Megaphone dialed up at ten. It probably turned Argus's ears inside out as well as bulged his Eustacian tubes. "HEY, ARGUS, I HEAR YOU BEAT UP A FAIRY!!!"

New Narrator: "Actually, Argus didn't mind getting his eardrums blasted out and they struck up a conversation. Well, let's just say Argus knowing that Haruo knew martial arts, knew that he was out-matched if he tried to take Haruo on. So being wise, he chose to strike up a conversation instead of getting in a fight. Wise choice."

New Narrator: "Comparing fang-sizes was the order of the day.

Haruo: "See how big my incisors are?"

Argus: "Pretty decent size, but hunched over like that you look like Igor."

Both: "Ha ha ha ha..."

New Narrator: It was getting late in the afternoon which made for golden light (to photographers) which bathed everything in a nice warm glow. And of course the older bridge was a nice thing to photograph, which was something that River did, because she was planning to paint a picture of it. She also headed down to the waterfall and took yet another picture.

New Narrator: "Taking some time to herself, River decided that she was going to go fish at the pond on the far side of town."

River: "It's nice here, except for the mosquitos the size of B-52s."

New Narrator: "Could be worse, the mosquitos could be infected with Yellow Fever."

River: "Oh, shut up!"

Nikkei_Simmer

Just Plasma Bugs

Chapter Twelve: "The Watcher Gets Bored"

New Narrator: Well, never let it be said that life in the house that plasma bugs built is dull. (no, the plasma bugs didn't pull out hammer and nails or any other assorted construction tools to build it - it was that their little lives being thrown into a radiation bath and subsequent dissection by those psychos at the science lab brought in enough money to build the house). However Franz (the Rottweiler) wanted someone to play ball with him and the other mutt wanted Kibbles n' Bits...n' bits and bits...now if you have that advertisement running in your head...you're welcome).

New Narrator: Haruo getting tired of playing Skate or Die on his laptop decided to fall asleep on his bunk. Luckily he's a very tidy sim and decided that he was going to put his desk under the bunkbed so that he could conserve on space in that room (like what is he gonna put there anyways? A pool table?

New Narrator: Bebe on the other hand went back to irradiating bugs to turn them into plasma bugs. I'm sure the bugs are getting really tired of getting zapped with ionizing radiation. One of these days she's going to end up with Mothra.


New Narrator: And...well, River went off to sell some of her paintings.


New Narrator: Haruo had some pie. And then promptly gave himself a concussion while conjuring.


New Narrator: The next morning was an early morning after all, they wanted to get busy and keep producing things that would keep the roof over their head. Bebe went to nuke more bugs; River headed to the alchemy station to figure out more potions.


New Narrator: ...and well Haruo, he stayed up in his room to keep out of River and Bebe's way. And then he headed off to buy books at the bookstore.


New Narrator: To delay his way home, he decided that he was going to go ahead and bike home but on his way home, he decided that he was going to kill some hours at the elixir consignment store - the emporium of the weird occult.


Watcher: I am so bored...I swear if nothing happens any time soon...

One of the Wolff kids: "OWWWWWWWWW!!!!" (sound effects TZZAAAAAAP!!!)


Watcher: Oops...sorry. Must have lost my grip on that lightning bolt there.

One of the Wolff kids: ~groan~ ow...No worries...no harm no foul...



New Narrator: Oh dear...c'mon...quick...do something interesting before he targets me...

Haruo: Like this?

New Narrator: Oh...c'mon!!! Really...Fishing?

Haruo: It's interesting to me...

New Narrator: "You're going to be the death of me...

Nikkei_Simmer

Just Plasma Bugs

Chapter Thirteen: "Full Moon Flirting"

New Narrator: Fat lot of help you were, Haruo. Anyways...River, on the night of the full moon, was out selling a painting...when her transformation took place. Luckily it was a deserted strip of shops since most everyone had gone home to eat...and the shopkeepers were just counting their floats and tills; so no-one ended up dropping a smelly biological load in their trousers or pants... whatever the case may be.


New Narrator: Haruo, being at home, scared the living bejesus out of the cows. Nice going there, Haruo...

Haruo: At least it wasn't Angus beef...might have soured the meat. Hey maybe we might get sour cream from these Holsteins.

Mutt One: What would happen if I stuck my head in the garbage can?

Cat: I want fish.

River: You just had to get a small table, didn't you...?

Haruo: Hey don't look at me, you're the one who told me to save money!

Bebe: Haruo, you probably don't want to 🐸🐸🐸🐸 her off any more than you're doing right now...

Haruo: Why?

Bebe: Because it's a full moon and she's a werewolf

Haruo: Yeah, we're all werewolves.

Bebe: ...and two words...Aunt Flo.

Haruo: OH Poopsicles!


Haruo: Yeah, I'm going collecting tonight, See ya.

River: Chicken...

New Narrator: After returning from the gemstone and metal collecting, Haruo decided head for the basement and stay there for the rest of the night. It might not be wise for him to pop his head up stairs for fear of River eviscerating him. Then again, that might be amusing to watch.

Haruo: "Shut up, Narrator. Hey Watcher, when we going to get a fridge downstairs here anyways?

Watcher: Zzzz...huh..what? No...

New Narrator: Next morning Haruo headed over to the elixir shop to consign some gems and smelted metals.

New Narrator:...and River took a long moment to reconsider her stance on Haruo.

River: Hey, after all, he's the only game in town at the moment and the Watcher did say that to go forth and multiply.

Watcher: Wait a second, I did? Hey now we're getting somewhere...

River: oh...shut up!!!


River: Hey, Haruo...y'know. I haven't really been giving you a chance, have I?

Haruo: Uh...well...

River: Um...y'know...you really aren't half-bad...

Haruo: Um, thanks, I think...

River: You remember what the Watcher told us?

Haruo: ~gulp~

River: ...uh...go forth...and uh...multiply...

Haruo: Um. one times one is one... one times two is two, one times three...

River: Not that kinda multiply, ya dope!

River (hugs Haruo and purrs): This...kind of multiply...

Watcher: Woah...now this is getting interesting...

Haruo and River (both): Shut up, Watcher!

Nikkei_Simmer

Just Plasma Bugs
Chapter Fourteen: "Attraction"

River: "You know, Haruo...like I said, you're not half-bad. And I think I could get to like you a lot. Y'know what they say about this challenge, right? Since we've built the house...thanks to all these plasma bugs that Bebe mutated with radiation, we can now start creating the next generation.

Haruo: "Next generation of what?"

River: "Oh my god...you're dense."

Haruo: "I dunno...what...the next generation of plasma bugs?"

River (looks at narrator): "Do I really have to do this?"

Narrator: "Anybody else up for it?"


Haruo: "Here, have some flowers... I promise, no bees."



River: "oh...how nice...why thank you. So...big stud-muffin...what do you look like with your shirt off?"

Narrator: "Yeah, I'm going to go play on the computer...enjoy yourselves." (resumes narrating)"...and that's how Haruo and River...managed to start off the next...round of little ones...Hey...you two mind keeping it down in there? I'm trying to do my job here."

Bebe: "Well, at least breakfast is good...and it didn't come out burned. I think Haruo's cooking skills are getting better."

Cat: "Meow...mrrrow..." (translation) "Do I really have to go out to hunt for plasma bugs today? I'm really not feeling well."

Narrator: "I don't know...but you might end up as stew...if you don't..."

Haruo: "Hey, I heard that. I don't eat cats..."

"...or dogs either" (Author's note: I'm Asian, I can make that joke)

Narrator: "After some glorious moments...Haruo headed over to the elixir shop where he met up with the proprietor who had some nice flow happening; business in the front; party in the back - but hey, consigning one's rocks was the order of the day. Now that they didn't have the limitation of selling just plasma bugs to the science center; they'd be doing OK."

Proprietor: "You got HOW many rocks? Geez, what? You collect them all until now? (aside) I think I'm going to have to start putting a limit on how many rocks he can consign at once. Oh well, just so long as there's buyers for them."

River (at home): "Well...that was fun..."

Narrator: "Look, lady, I'm just here to narrate this story. I don't want to know all the gory details!"

Nikkei_Simmer

Just Plasma Bugs
Chapter Fifteen: "Cars and Hot-Tubs"

Narrator: "The next morning, Haruo pulled his lazy rear-end out of bed."

Haruo (enraged): "Hey watch your mouth. I'm not lazy...you arrogant mouthpiece."

Narrator: "Get a job. In any case, he was headed outside to head for the elixir shop again. This guy is really going to brass the tacks off the proprietor."

Haruo: "He said one consignment set every day...so I'm doing one consignment set every single day..."


Narrator: "At three in the morning?!!"

Haruo: "Yeah...so?"


Proprietor: "Oh...it's YOU again."

Haruo: "Might as well go to the bookstore and get a few things."

Narrator: "...and Bebe had some more plasma bugs to send to the science center."

Bebe: "Hey, Haruo, you are doing such a great job with the gardening...and with cooking too..."

Haruo: "Yeah...uh...thanks, I think...(suspicious) hey...you trying to butter me up?"

Bebe (innocently): "No...is it working?"

Bebe (sighs): "Back to irradiating more bugs."

River: "I hate this potion table, that's the sixty-ninth time it's tried to blow me up."

Bebe: "...and I presume it doesn't even have the courtesy to say thank you either..."

River (eyeing Bebe with one raised eyebrow): "Oh...shut up..."

Bebe: "Oh look, we can now finally afford cars...and Haruo finally built us a three-car garage."

River: "...and a hot tub too...oh, this is great..."

Bebe: "And you were the one complaining the most about having to do this challenge."

River: "Oh...shut up..."

Bebe: "Don't forget to thank Haruo for doing all this..."

River: "Oh...I'll thank him in a way he won't forget..."

Bebe (raises eyebrows): "Oh...really?"

River: "Oh...shut up!!!"

Haruo: "Of course, I need a truck...a big one - Gotta love my Dodge Ram 3500."

River: "Compensating?"

Haruo: "I didn't hear any complaints last night..."

Bebe (giggling her head off): "He got you there..."

River: "Oh...do shut up..."

Nikkei_Simmer

Chapter Sixteen - "Eunuchs and Trucks"

Chapter Sixteen: Narrator: There's something virile and manly about owning a big Crewcab Dodge Ram 3500 long-box with a hemi diesel. Maybe it's those snorting horses of the revving engines, maybe it's the fact that if you lift the suspension, women need to use a stepladder to get into the cab...and the resulting benefits...

Haruo: Or maybe it's just the practical aspect.

Narrator: Sheesh...you take all the fun out of pondering.

Haruo: There's nothing to ponder, I just use it to take my produce to the grocery to sell it. And haul plants back from the nursery? What else is there.

Narrator: But don't the drivers get out of your way when you come barreling down the street with that big truck?

Haruo: It's the Sims, you vacuous twit, you think these idiots get out of the way?

River: Hey, stud...you in the mood? So show me that you're not compensating with the size of your truck.

Narrator: See...

Haruo: Oh, shut up, Narrator.

Bebe: I think I'll stick to painting.

Next afternoon

Bebe: We've been here for four hours. Haven't caught a thing yet.

Haruo: Only thing we've been catching is flies.

Narrator: Hey, at least that's something.

Bebe and Haruo: Shut up, Narrator.

River: All I'm catching is a nasty case of staphylococcus; maybe even e coli. What the hell has he been eating?

Narrator: And Bebe lost her mind...and went out at night to go talk to the plants.

Bebe: You know, Narrator, there's been numerous studies done about the benefits to plants of actually talking to them. It supposedly makes them grow quicker and give bigger harvests. It's absolutely beneficial.

Narrator: And it's also friggin' nuts too. You ever seen what you look like talking to a plant.

Bebe: No more crazy than you talking to yourself...or to an invisible audience.

Narrator: Meanwhile, River was well on her way to painting her first masterpiece. Though I'm sure there were other masterpieces that she was considering. ~nudges Haruo~ Say no more...

River: Shut up! Narrator...and not a word out of you...Haruo, unless you want to be Farinelli.

Narrator and Haruo look at each other

Narrator: Fari-who?

Haruo: Farinelli was a castrati...

Narrator: ...a what?

Haruo: A castrati is... ~makes a cutting gesture and points at that general area~ when a young boy gets his you-know-whats removed...surgically in the hopes of keeping his boyish high-pitched voice...it was quite prevalent in baroque opera famous during the 18th Century. Farinelli was otherwise known as Carlo Maria Michelangelo Nicola Broschi. What confuses me is that River isn't known for listening to baroque music. She prefers rock.

Narrator: Yeah, I'd watch it if I were you...or she might Bobbit-chop you one.

Bebe: Oh, yeah...while River is painting, you want to go forth and multiply with me?

Haruo: MMmmhmmm...sounds like a plan.

Bebe: C'mon, Haruo, show me you're not all just talk.

Narrator: I think I'll just go check out your truck.