- What do you think of their time together? Did their development feel natural? How can it be improved?
I assume you mean the 'not-date' chapter? I liked how Athena sensed something was wrong with Curtis and took him out. Kian must be wondering where they are though, this wasn't just a simple walk! I felt like it all was pretty natural, although it does feel a bit sudden for Curtis to open up. He's been closed off and untrusting for so long, I don't think it's entirely realistic for him to crack and let Athena in yet.
- What are your thoughts on Curtis at this stage (from Ch6 to 7)? Any predictions? Does his character deter you?
I like his character. He's not as cold as he was in the beginning. He's showing a more sympathetic side to him and we've seen he can be funny! He does throw me off sometimes with his 'mood swings' whenever Athena says or does something that bothers him. I predict something is going to horribly wrong for Curtis still. Everything will spiral out of control but I also think he'll get through it, although probably not unscathed.
- 7.4 shows a different story angle. What do you think of it?
I liked seeing the meeting with Masato and getting more of an insight into his dealings, although I still have no idea what he's trying to achieve. He has something up his sleeve though, as seen from Kirino showing up from a different meeting. Doesn't Kian know Kirino? She's wearing a wig, but it's not that different from her normal hair, so he should recognise her when he sees her, right?
- Do you have any specific thoughts about her school life? Her?
I'm so glad Athena is making friends. She deserves it, honestly. She managed to do it without Kian's help already, but I'm glad he did call her out and pushed her to hang out with him. I feel like she needed that and it did her good. I like how everyone wears uniforms at this fancy school. It looks good. Overall, I think Athena is on the comeuppance and is feeling much better about herself and her life.
I’m not sure how it is there, but every school has a uniform here, not just private schools. This is a fancy private school so uniforms are mandatory.
- What do you think of the comic? What spoke to you? What didn't?
Oh man, I loved it so much. For a first timer, I feel like this was such an impressive feat. I'm familiar with manga myself so I didn't have a hard time reading in this format. The speech bubbles were all clear to me and the pictures gave such a vivid picture of what was happening. Even without text, I think the meaning would have been clear. I definitely wouldn't mind if there were more comic-style chapters.
Thank you very much. Comic style writing is something I plan to explore when I have more time and resources!
- What impression do you have of Kian?
Favourite character so far. Not really an impression, but it is what I'm thinking right now. He's funny, caring and I think a good influence on both Curtis and Athena. He provides the comic relief in the story while also being a deep character himself. I like the combination of the three of them.
You're right. Kian's cheery personality is a breath of sunshine for this story I really like your description of him and totally agree with you that he's a good influence on both of them. They're definitely better together for sure.
- What do you think of their time together? Did their development feel natural? How can it be improved?
I assume you mean the 'not-date' chapter? I liked how Athena sensed something was wrong with Curtis and took him out. Kian must be wondering where they are though, this wasn't just a simple walk! I felt like it all was pretty natural, although it does feel a bit sudden for Curtis to open up. He's been closed off and untrusting for so long, I don't think it's entirely realistic for him to crack and let Athena in yet.
Ooh I’m glad you liked that about her. Athena can sense something’s wrong with Curtis because of what she’s gone through. Her own hardships serve as her base to connect with others in pain. Her lens has been colored to see them clearer in a way. In that sense, her empathy is higher than her peers.
Do you mean Curtis had opened up to her because he brought her to the grave site? That is true that he decided to share that pain with her. Apart from that, Athena has no context to why Saanvi’s death hurts him and their topics were pretty much surface level. Let me know if it’s something else that I’ve missed.
- What are your thoughts on Curtis at this stage (from Ch6 to 7)? Any predictions? Does his character deter you?
I like his character. He's not as cold as he was in the beginning. He's showing a more sympathetic side to him and we've seen he can be funny! He does throw me off sometimes with his 'mood swings' whenever Athena says or does something that bothers him. I predict something is going to horribly wrong for Curtis still. Everything will spiral out of control but I also think he'll get through it, although probably not unscathed.
Ooh yes! I’m glad you pointed out a notable characteristic of him. I pictured Curtis having the ‘gloomy’ trait. Haha! Not like sims where they’re gloomy for no reason. The way I interpret it is as you say, it’s easy to pull him down so he seems moody. I like your predictions! So gloomy
- 7.4 shows a different story angle. What do you think of it?
I liked seeing the meeting with Masato and getting more of an insight into his dealings, although I still have no idea what he's trying to achieve. He has something up his sleeve though, as seen from Kirino showing up from a different meeting. Doesn't Kian know Kirino? She's wearing a wig, but it's not that different from her normal hair, so he should recognise her when he sees her, right?
Ahh okay, so what you're saying is that we get an insight of something brewing behind the scenes with Masato but we don’t know what it is. That there’s info but not a lot of it. I was definitely balancing between revealing too much or too little. I intended for this outcome but do you mean it was frustrating for you? That would be good to know.
Kian has never seen Kirino. He’s asked about her once because Athena mentioned her name during the hospital. I don’t think he even remembers that name now.
- Any thoughts or questions on the magic introduction?
It's been a while since we heard anything about the magic side of things and I had a fun time for sure. It was so good to see Grim show up again. Your worldbuilding is getting more interesting by the minute.
- What do you think of Athena’s character here?
I think her naïveté is showing. In everything, really. I guess I can't blame her because I honestly expected Curtis to be better too although it didn't shake up my world like hers must have. I think Athena is likable but I also think she's going to learn more about the darkest corners of the world in a rapid fashion.
- What do you think of her actions to what she witnessed?
I think she's very impulsive, but I totally get her reaction to this injustice. Although I do think she should try to tone it down so as to avoid trouble. She's just a teenager. She can't change all of the unjust things in this world.
- Did I handle this chapter appropriately? Was there enough to prepare the reader? What would you change?
I think you did great with all the warnings you gave. I did read the comments underneath the first part of Mercy and I thought it hadn't happened so the following chapter was incredibly hard to read. I thought you handled it beautifully and I don't think I could have done it better myself. A taboo topic but I'm glad you're creating the space to talk about it.
I got a problem here xD Basically my browser is saying I can't go to @mercuryfoam 's website.
Ah well, and now everyone knows my real name is Silke xDDD
You have to click on 'geavanceerd' and then you can go to the website from there anyway. I didn't have this problem, probably because I use a different browser, but I know from experience that's how you do it.
I got a problem here xD Basically my browser is saying I can't go to @mercuryfoam 's website.
Ah well, and now everyone knows my real name is Silke xDDD
You have to click on 'geavanceerd' and then you can go to the website from there anyway. I didn't have this problem, probably because I use a different browser, but I know from experience that's how you do it.
- Do you have any specific thoughts about her school life? Her?
I think it's going pretty well at school. She made friends, she's actually having fun and has something to do. So far I like it.
- What do you think of the comic? What spoke to you? What didn't?
AAAAH I LOVED IT! I'm an absolute fan of manga (I'm reading some stories right now actually) so this made me SOOOOOO happy. I actually thought a lot of times to make a Sims-manga myself, but oooff, I always stop before I begin because it seems like so much work... That someone actually took the time to do this all makes me fall in love with it again ;-;
- What impression do you have of Kian?
I miss his previous hair color, but I still like him very much
- What do you think of their time together? Did their development feel natural? How can it be improved?
One word: cute! Especially when Athena was honestly like 'omg I didn't know this was a common place for couples!' and then Curtis smirking for it xD I really like that side of Athena and I also really like when Curtis puts off his guard a little thanks to her. I hope to see more of these scenes.
- What are your thoughts on Curtis at this stage (from Ch6 to 7)? Any predictions? Does his character deter you?
Like I said here before, I really like it when he puts down his guard, but I also like his overall character. I want to learn more about him like Athena wants to. I don't have predictions but I guess it won't be something with bees and butterflies xD I just hope he stays alright, and doesn't push Athena away. Or Kian. Because those two are like his angels or something.
- 7.4 shows a different story angle. What do you think of it?
I didn't dislike it at all, but personally not my favorite storyline. That's just me, don't bother too much about it :P It was nice to see Masato once again.
Do you have any specific thoughts about her school life? Her?
What do you think of the comic? What spoke to you? What didn't? What impression do you have of Kian?
I thought you did a great job portraying a school of privileged kids. Man, it takes me back. I was a scholarship student in an elite all girls school but I remember students just like the ones you described. I liked Kaitlin immediately, ascertained that Carly was a ringleader, the most popular girl, that Trevor might be a bit of a playboy, but he did genuinely care about Kian, and that Athena would both fit in and wouldn't.
I like how Athena is in these chapters. It's nice to see her fitting in and also standing out. I thought it was funny how Kian and Trevor "walked" the junior class floors. I also thought it was nice Athena could relax a little. No one is chasing her or bullying her (for now) and she can just be normal. It was good to see how meaningful this is for her. Also I like her influence on Curtis. She seems to make him relax too, and act more his age. Plus she makes him laugh.
I thought Kian was rough with his practice, but I also like that he didn't go easy. Athena needs to be prepared for the "bad guys" to fight dirty and she will need to use any means necessary to fight back. Also Kaitlin throwing the cola can at Kian was gold. From an outsider's perspective, he deserved it and I'm glad Trevor intervened.
I like Kian. He's brave, he sticks up for people he cares about, he isn't afraid to hold back and push Athena (or Curtis) but he is kind. I love how Athena picked up on Kian's crush on Kaitlin. I even like his makeover, even though the flaming red hair was fun. I liked that he gave Curtis and Athena space to talk. All in all, he is a likeable character.
I love how you portray/use townies and their children. Like Lily and Victor Feng are Kaitlin's parents and Carly is the daughter of a Goth. This helps tie in the Sims without overwhelming it.
I absolutely love the comic. I read manga so if you decided to do a comic story or manga like story, I'd be down. I can appreciate how much time it took to get all the poses just perfect, the CC, and the story. That "wig" was incredible.
It was interesting to see Kirino in action and just how ruthless she was and is for the "business." Briefriending someone only to expect them or plan for them to die is another kind of cold. Was the other woman a plant or did Manuia do that bit of sleazy all on his own? And slapping a pregnant woman? Could you get anymore low?
I was curious. Curtis' reaction seems surprising as I'm sure he's witnessed death and murder before. Is it different because he viewed Saanvi as an innocent pawn? Is it because he got close to her and learned about her? Is it because she had 2 kids?
Wild thought! Curtis lost one of his parents (probably mom) because she was gunned down! I could see that being a reason for his reaction. An innocent killed and he's powerless to stop it at the age of 11, was it? No need to confirm this... just a thought.
Although, would you be willing to share a bit more about the criminal underworld in this story? The different factions? I assume there is more than one because of Steve or is his group just a street gang? Or what Kirino and Matsuo were after when taking down "Fisheye?"
Your story is getting better. At this section, I felt a turning point. It's amazing all the little details you have included like the wig and how Athena averts her eyes so Curtis knows she's lying. I loved the action and intrigue in these chapters. I love the characters you introduced and are continuing to develop. Well done.
What do you think of their time together? Did their development feel natural? How can it be improved?
What are your thoughts on Curtis at this stage (from Ch6 to 7)? Any predictions? Does his character deter you?
7.4 shows a different story angle. What do you think of it?
Their "non-date" date was so cute. I was just talking to a friend a few weeks back about a "non-date" date situation in one of my upcoming Sims stories. Haha. It was sweet to see Athena having fun, and Curtis relaxing. I was really concerned when he got angry when she wanted him to open up, but I'm glad he changed his mind at the last second. Athena is a good influence on him, and helps him be more of a teenager in my eyes. Yes, their development felt natural. They seem naturally at ease with one another (save the butterflies on Athena's part). Getting interrupting was funny. I did wonder if Carly and her friend(s) would show up, and I'm glad they did. But couldn't they have waited another five minutes?!? Was Curtis going to kiss her and if so, I can't wait for another moment like that again?! I would've liked to see Athena explain modern art to Curtis, but that was my only "teensy weensy" complaint. Not really a complaint, just a curiosity.
I am concerned about Curtis. I'm worried about his physical health. Smoking isn't good for you, and chain smoking is even worse. And he's constantly in danger. I'm really concerned about his mental health. I'm sure all this work for shady underworld crime bosses and knowing he's partially responsible (ish) for Saanvi's death is taking a huge toll on him. I really want him to be a normal teenager and to enjoy his life and a date with Athena. But that wouldn't make for the most interesting story now, right? I do like the tension here. I think you've developed it well, and he's slowly sharing little pieces of himself (like a trip to the graveyard) with Athena, even if he doesn't want to. He really does need someone he can rely on, who will listen and care for him.
I am also infinitely curious. What could possibly be so horrible that he would agree to become a crime boss' lackey at the age of 11? And we still don't know anything about his parents, but the way he reacted to Saavni's death got me thinking. Here's my wild theory. I could be completely wrong and this could be outta left field, but here goes - Curtis watched his mother die when he was 11 years old at the hands of his evil criminal father. Ooo... I get *shivers* just thinking about it. And this would explain why he is desperate to find the man who killed his mom because it's his own father. He's desperate to get revenge and justice. And that's why Saavni's death got to him so much... because she too had kids and didn't deserve to die. She was just in the wrong place, at the wrong time, married to the wrong man. Or I guess, he could've witnessed both of his parents die and he's after their killer, but I dunno. The first one really resonates with me. We'll see if I'm way off base. Haha.
Okay, let's just say I'm a bit angry that Trevor's dad would use Trevor to "loosen up" married women who are bored in order to score clients. I don't care if he's almost 18. That's just wrong. Trevor is a minor. And breaking up a marriage isn't something a minor should be doing... or anyone for that matter. That really ticked me off (and I'd use a different word but forums).
It was interesting to see bits of this story told from other perspectives. Like Kian's dad showing up at the graveyard and his "investigation." Trevor and Kian interacting at the bar and the manager acting "totally cool" but nervous about serving to a minor (which again is not cool, but I get it and it makes sense in this world). The "backroom" stuff going on. Actually, I had a question - Kian's dad (who will be forever known as Kian's dad because I can't remember his name) seemed a bit snobbish when he said "rich kids." Isn't his son attending a fancy "rich kid" school? How is he paying for it if Kian or is he a scholarship kid or something? Nothing wrong with that because I was one myself, but I was just wondering?
This line...
The man with the dragon tattoo and heavy jade rings spoke in a low slither.
made me shiver. Ooo... a dark and shady person. Made me uber curious.
I will say Vincent is a nice looking Sim. Even if he's slimy just like the rest of 'em.
Masato's dressing down of Bowser, was it?, was incredible! Well written. I loved the tension and the authority there.
Another great chapter/section!
I'm still a bit confused about all the details of the organized criminal enterprise(s) here like I said in my last comment so if you're willing to clarify some, I'd appreciate it.
- Any thoughts or questions on the magic introduction? What do you think of Athena’s character here?
I felt sick with her too when she traveled to the dark world that Grim showed her. I wanted to help everyone also. I think she is a bit naive and this was crazy eye-opening for her. I don't think that's a bad thing, but I do worry about how this will impact her decisions going forward. Didn't Grim break his own code showing her these things? I am really worried about Curtis. I like him, but he's super mixed up in things that I do feel Athena should run far far away from but I have a feeling she won't. It's a bit like a waking nightmare, her introduction to what Grim sees. Eek! Well done!
I also loved the background and lore on the spellcasters and the sages, how Morgyn went mad and the Untamed Magic spells are forbidden. I think it's sweet, but misguided that Athena wants to use "that" magic to help Curtis, who she views as a friend and potential love interest. I am worried she is headed down a dark path, and one she can't come back from once she starts. Maybe she's already started. I don't know. Either way, I'm worried for her too.
Also it was nice to see Avery again. I've missed her. I imagine she's proud of her daughter, using magic and skilling up as she has, plus her performance and popularity in school. Athena's doing well for herself right now, and I'm grateful her mom decided to help teach her.
The scenes of magic gone mad in the past were very well done. I loved seeing ghosts in the flames. That was cool.
Also it was fascinating that it took 5 reapers to take down Morgyn and capture his soul. I am wondering though if Grim says that he's worried that pieces of Morgyn's soul as still broken and scattered around (possibly), if Morgyn's power is being used to create the chaos in the story and influencing the criminal underworld. I could be totally wrong here, but I wondered. Also I'm beyond convinced that Athena already knows "untamed magic" somehow and that Avery's loss was her husband at the hands of her daughter's untamed magic. Eek! How devastating for Athena! And Avery. And the whole family really.
I got a problem here xD Basically my browser is saying I can't go to @mercuryfoam 's website.
Ah well, and now everyone knows my real name is Silke xDDD
I didn't realise my blog was dangerous. ??? I'm glad you managed to sort it out. Thank you @Duvelina for stepping in and helping out!
What browser are you using? And if it helps
my name is Jamie. Nice to meet you Silke! I appreciate you sharing even though it's by accident. And your name is uncommon for me and sounds so pretty when I googled the pronunciation!
If anyone knows why it's tagging my blog as dangerous, feel free to share. Hopefully, it's something I can do on my end.
- Any thoughts or questions on the magic introduction?
It's been a while since we heard anything about the magic side of things and I had a fun time for sure. It was so good to see Grim show up again. Your worldbuilding is getting more interesting by the minute.
Thank you that’s kind of you to say. I’m glad you liked that Grim is back.
Ch 9
What do you think of Athena’s character here?
I think her naïveté is showing. In everything, really. I guess I can't blame her because I honestly expected Curtis to be better too although it didn't shake up my world like hers must have. I think Athena is likable but I also think she's going to learn more about the darkest corners of the world in a rapid fashion.
- What do you think of her actions to what she witnessed?
I think she's very impulsive, but I totally get her reaction to this injustice. Although I do think she should try to tone it down so as to avoid trouble. She's just a teenager. She can't change all of the unjust things in this world.
True, true words. She’s very naive and impulsive. She’s 15 and doesn’t have many friends so her world is incredibly small. Aww that’s sound advice for her right there! Her emotional bomb quirk is very frustrating to deal with, even when posing lol. Part of her impulsivity lies in her compassion for others. She could empathise with Curtis’s pain, Grim’s loneliness and her mom’s regret (even though this last bit made her incredibly frustrated haha) So it’s very hard for her to see suffering and injustice head on.
- Did I handle this chapter appropriately? Was there enough to prepare the reader? What would you change?
I think you did great with all the warnings you gave. I did read the comments underneath the first part of Mercy and I thought it hadn't happened so the following chapter was incredibly hard to read. I thought you handled it beautifully and I don't think I could have done it better myself. A taboo topic but I'm glad you're creating the space to talk about it.
Thank you. I agree it was very ambiguous the way I presented it, but I didn’t want to convey it through pictures. I’m glad and very relieved that you found it appropriately handled. It's definitely something I was very concerned about since it's too easy for it to be stumbled upon by an unsuspecting young person.
- What do you think of the comic? What spoke to you? What didn't?
AAAAH I LOVED IT! I'm an absolute fan of manga (I'm reading some stories right now actually) so this made me SOOOOOO happy. I actually thought a lot of times to make a Sims-manga myself, but oooff, I always stop before I begin because it seems like so much work... That someone actually took the time to do this all makes me fall in love with it again ;-;
Ooh if you decide to do a manga it would be epic! I know I’ll love it with your humor and witty dialogue. I do read your writing in manga style commentary already haha. If you have time, I encourage you to give it a go. It doesn’t need to have different sized panels or fancy borders to be good. I’ve read some classic 6 panel per page sim-manga and enjoyed it. So sad the creator is not active on the forums anymore. But yeah, That would be amazing!
- What impression do you have of Kian?
I miss his previous hair color, but I still like him very much
So true! I miss his vibrant hair too! This is actually something I think a lot of surprisingly haha.
Ch 7 - What do you think of their time together? Did their development feel natural? How can it be improved?
One word: cute! Especially when Athena was honestly like 'omg I didn't know this was a common place for couples!' and then Curtis smirking for it xD I really like that side of Athena and I also really like when Curtis puts off his guard a little thanks to her. I hope to see more of these scenes.
Awee thank you! Yeah Athena is quite uninformed of social hot spots. And I can totally imagine how Curtis's smirking trollface can be quite... frustrating. Heh! I think if he ever comes to life irl I’ll be throwing more than just strawberries at him.
- What are your thoughts on Curtis at this stage (from Ch6 to 7)? Any predictions? Does his character deter you?
Like I said here before, I really like it when he puts down his guard, but I also like his overall character. I want to learn more about him like Athena wants to. I don't have predictions but I guess it won't be something with bees and butterflies xD I just hope he stays alright, and doesn't push Athena away. Or Kian. Because those two are like his angels or something.
Oh you’re totally on to something there. As you’ve picked up, Kian and Athena are influencing him in a super slow but good way. I’m glad you like his overall character and that he intrigues you.
- 7.4 shows a different story angle. What do you think of it?
I didn't dislike it at all, but personally not my favorite storyline. That's just me, don't bother too much about it :P It was nice to see Masato once again.
No problem! The theme in this chapter is not a well-received theme in the first place. Masato will definitely be featured more as the story unfolds.
@mercuryfoam I use Opera. But what the message means is that your blog is http and not https which comes down to everyone being able to easily check in and see what people are doing on your blog. I think that's a Wordpress thing though. I don't know if it's a setting somewhere.
Thank you, @Duvelina ! That was the right step towards the problem.
For anyone who's interested in tech jumbo, the banner in my sig previously directed to https://www.oldskoolart.wordpress.com/b2w-part-2/, which is secure browsing. But the guys on wordpress didn't set up for 'www' to work with 'https' addresses. So www and https will clash on wordpress sites and bring up that error . (Try clicking on that url and you'll get the same page.)
To get rid of this problem, the wordpress development team could've written a few more lines of code i.e.: If user inputs 'www' and 'https' together, omit 'www' before processing for example. Seems like an oversight on their part and is the reason why it's hard to link wordpress banners in forum signatures.
So I've changed my banner image address to http://www.oldskoolart.wordpress.com/b2w-part-2/ which without the 's' in http should mean its not secure, but wordpress peeps have coded for it in that if you clicked on my banner now, it automatically redirects you to https secure browsing so you won't get the error page. How ironic!
Ok that's it for Foamy geek mode!
TLDR version: I "fixed" my banner. It doesn't bring up an error anymore. 😄
Yeeey, no errors anymore! As you can see, I always use Chrome. This indeed happened when I clicked on your banner. Mostly I go to the first page of this thread and click on ‘website’, but I was lazy 😂😂 and Chrome punished me immediately.
Nice to meet you, Jamie!! Did you search the pronounciation via Google Translate? Silke is only a common name in Belgium, Germany and maybe the Netherlands
I had an issue with Chrome on my phone but not my desktop. Tbh, I was trying to binge catch up with @mercuryfoam's story while repairing my TS3 game. I'm still hoping to get screenshots of my KCLKF cast responses. I've written most of the text. I'm started a 5-day weekend vacation today, extending my US Labor Day weekend.
@AdamsEve1231 I’m mad for your in-depth analyses! I have do irl stuff now but I’ll get to your questions first thing back!
Chapter 6
I thought you did a great job portraying a school of privileged kids. Man, it takes me back. I was a scholarship student in an elite all girls school but I remember students just like the ones you described. I liked Kaitlin immediately, ascertained that Carly was a ringleader, the most popular girl, that Trevor might be a bit of a playboy, but he did genuinely care about Kian, and that Athena would both fit in and wouldn't.
I like how Athena is in these chapters. It's nice to see her fitting in and also standing out. I thought it was funny how Kian and Trevor "walked" the junior class floors. I also thought it was nice Athena could relax a little. No one is chasing her or bullying her (for now) and she can just be normal. It was good to see how meaningful this is for her. Also I like her influence on Curtis. She seems to make him relax too, and act more his age. Plus she makes him laugh.
Oof I love how you can see the tropes, highschool cliques, the drawbacks and benefits and Athena’s challenges immediately. It’s a common setting, but to me highschool is pretty much a social hierarchial system that’s pretty flawed and damaging. So I simply replicated it in the story. I think it’s managed better now, but it definitely still exists.
The seniors in my school did that walk-through-junior-corridor walk lol, not during breaks but during normal class hours so they were very distracting and contributed to less conducive study environments for obvious reasons lolol. I’m glad you found these chapters meaningful for Athena. I’ve always wondered given the lack of action in Ch 6 then 7 that these chapters might be too uneventful. I could’ve spiced it up sure. But I also thought that like you, this quiet undramatic moment is crucial for the positive development of her character.
I like Kian. He's brave, he sticks up for people he cares about, he isn't afraid to hold back and push Athena (or Curtis) but he is kind.
Im loving that Kian is likeable for you. He’s got his flaws and a teeny bit rough around the edges but aw I have to agree he’s doing pretty awesome here. I prefer his flaming head too.
I love how you portray/use townies and their children. Like Lily and Victor Feng are Kaitlin's parents and Carly is the daughter of a Goth.
Thanks! I included the big name premades from each pack in this school. Jeong, Pizzaz, Hecking, Landgraab, Bailey-Moon etc. To me, some of them represent old money, like Goths, but some others, like Pizzaz had an awesome bio pre-written and huge dreams so they became new money, influence or status.
It was interesting to see Kirino in action and just how ruthless she was and is for the "business." Briefriending someone only to expect them or plan for them to die is another kind of cold. Was the other woman a plant or did Manuia do that bit of sleazy all on his own?
I like how you picked up this side of Kirino. She’s exhibiting some interesting qualities here, and I’m soo liking your ‘another kind of cold’ description for her Perla is the other woman and we’ll actually see her again later (Hold on. I just realised I never showed her face so you might not recognise her later lol) okay so I’ll just reveal it here. Yes, she’s a plant. Even so, Manuia is a despicable character on his own. >_<
I was curious. Curtis' reaction seems surprising as I'm sure he's witnessed death and murder before. Is it different because he viewed Saanvi as an innocent pawn? Is it because he got close to her and learned about her? Is it because she had 2 kids?
Ooh! I love your questions, they’re so deep and introspective I’ve replied about Curtis’s reaction in the comments so I’ll save you from reading that twice. And I see that you’ve fleshed out your predictions in the next few chapters so I’ll answer there. Although.. it's not so much an answer because it would be spoilery haha.
Although, would you be willing to share a bit more about the criminal underworld in this story? The different factions? I assume there is more than one because of Steve or is his group just a street gang? Or what Kirino and Matsuo were after when taking down "Fisheye?"
Ah.. what an awesome question! You’re right, there are several underground syndicates in this story. I think Steve hinted at them when he was yapping at Curtis trying to discern his identity. I’m going to plop this entire section into the next chapter since I’m featuring some of them there. Yes you’re right about Steve’s group simply being a street gang and how MK will profit from Fisheye’s demise.
Your story is getting better. At this section, I felt a turning point. It's amazing all the little details you have included like the wig and how Athena averts her eyes so Curtis knows she's lying. I loved the action and intrigue in these chapters. I love the characters you introduced and are continuing to develop. Well done.
Thank you so much! It was a turning point indeed. I was testing out many things at once as you’ve seen from posing to imaging software and making cut-out wigs lol. Definitely for writing too! And I'm loving that you're enjoying the story. Hopefully it stays the same at the end of ch 10. I'm going to stay happy in this moment for now.
Yeah! I did. I typed in Silke pronunciation and clicked the first two searches that came up. Woah that's common? Certainly not for me. I even tried saying it and I felt awesome because it made me feel like I know your language lolol . Probably butchered your name in the process though but it was a nice make believe moment.
@AdamsEve1231 That sounds awesome. Enjoy your 5 day break. Did you pair it with the weekends so you get a 7 day vacation instead? I'd do that. And all the best at repairing your sim game. That sounds horrible Hope its nothing and gets fixed pronto.
Hahahaha that made me laugh 😂 it’s only very common in these three countries. I don’t think the rest of the world really knows my name hehehehe. I would’ve loved to be a fly listening to you trying to pronounce my name now, hahahaha!
- What are your thoughts on Masato?
- Has your impression of Curtis changed?
- What do you think of Athena’s mental condition at this point?
- What is your impression of Dew?
- What do you think of the organisation of the chapters having two different povs?
Phew. So much to say. I HATE Masato. After the revelations of the last chapter I think it's safe to make that statement. How could he do this to Athena? And even Curtis? It's sickening how he literally does anything to gain whatever it is he wants. I can't stand how much power he has.
My impression of Curtis has changed throughout the story for sure. The whole assault chapter was a catalyst for many things. My perspective on Athena changed, as well as Curtis. I outlined my thoughts on Curtis in the last part of chapter 10 on your blog, but I will say here that I feel like he is a victim in all of this too. At first I wasn't sure about him and he seemed mostly cold. After what happened to Athena, I feel like the cold thawed and he tries his hardest to make her feel better in any capacity.
Athena seemed to be doing okay in the first part of chapter 10 but that quickly deteriorated after Dew walked in. Curtis was her safe space and when Dew walked in that whole idea shattered. Athena jumped to conclusions and it was an affirmation that Curtis was a bad guy after all. The only person she trusted through all of this. I think it'll be a long time before Athena can stand on her own two feet again and not depend on someone. I do think it's best for her to lean on her mom though. Athena probably won't come to that conclusion herself but I hope Curtis will and drops her off at home so she can recover, as much as possible, there.
I thought Dew was super pretty. Her potty mouth, as you described it, turned me off from her though. I find cursing that much a real downer, especially for a minor! It's an easy practice to pick up on but it's hard to let go off. Although I do think that's possible. It's probably also a part of the world Dew is in. I was difficult to read her thought process on how to seduce Curtis because she's so young but seems so experienced in the practice already. It's sad.
I don't have any particular thoughts on the changing POVs. I did notice, but it wasn't bothersome. I like seeing multiple perspectives myself.
@mercuryfoam No I only have Thursday, Friday, and Monday off (plus the weekend in between). While I would love to take a week, I have big projects next week as soon as I return and a pretty hard deadline for a project so I'll have to return Tuesday. In the meantime, I'm enjoying some of my other games, sleeping in, working on Sims stuff, and trying to catch up on reading.
Comments
I assume you mean the 'not-date' chapter? I liked how Athena sensed something was wrong with Curtis and took him out. Kian must be wondering where they are though, this wasn't just a simple walk! I felt like it all was pretty natural, although it does feel a bit sudden for Curtis to open up. He's been closed off and untrusting for so long, I don't think it's entirely realistic for him to crack and let Athena in yet.
I like his character. He's not as cold as he was in the beginning. He's showing a more sympathetic side to him and we've seen he can be funny! He does throw me off sometimes with his 'mood swings' whenever Athena says or does something that bothers him. I predict something is going to horribly wrong for Curtis still. Everything will spiral out of control but I also think he'll get through it, although probably not unscathed.
I liked seeing the meeting with Masato and getting more of an insight into his dealings, although I still have no idea what he's trying to achieve. He has something up his sleeve though, as seen from Kirino showing up from a different meeting. Doesn't Kian know Kirino? She's wearing a wig, but it's not that different from her normal hair, so he should recognise her when he sees her, right?
Too Good at Goodbyes forum thread
Too Good at Goodbyes blog
Thank you for your answers!
Chapter 6 & 7
I’m not sure how it is there, but every school has a uniform here, not just private schools. This is a fancy private school so uniforms are mandatory.
Thank you very much.
You're right. Kian's cheery personality is a breath of sunshine for this story
Ooh I’m glad you liked that about her. Athena can sense something’s wrong with Curtis because of what she’s gone through. Her own hardships serve as her base to connect with others in pain. Her lens has been colored to see them clearer in a way. In that sense, her empathy is higher than her peers.
Do you mean Curtis had opened up to her because he brought her to the grave site? That is true that he decided to share that pain with her. Apart from that, Athena has no context to why Saanvi’s death hurts him and their topics were pretty much surface level. Let me know if it’s something else that I’ve missed.
Ooh yes! I’m glad you pointed out a notable characteristic of him. I pictured Curtis having the ‘gloomy’ trait. Haha! Not like sims where they’re gloomy for no reason. The way I interpret it is as you say, it’s easy to pull him down so he seems moody.
Ahh okay, so what you're saying is that we get an insight of something brewing behind the scenes with Masato but we don’t know what it is. That there’s info but not a lot of it. I was definitely balancing between revealing too much or too little. I intended for this outcome but do you mean it was frustrating for you? That would be good to know.
Kian has never seen Kirino. He’s asked about her once because Athena mentioned her name during the hospital. I don’t think he even remembers that name now.
And I thought Kian had seen Kirino, but I went back and he was passed out from the fight during that time. That explains that. 😂
Too Good at Goodbyes forum thread
Too Good at Goodbyes blog
It's been a while since we heard anything about the magic side of things and I had a fun time for sure. It was so good to see Grim show up again. Your worldbuilding is getting more interesting by the minute.
I think her naïveté is showing. In everything, really. I guess I can't blame her because I honestly expected Curtis to be better too although it didn't shake up my world like hers must have. I think Athena is likable but I also think she's going to learn more about the darkest corners of the world in a rapid fashion.
Too Good at Goodbyes forum thread
Too Good at Goodbyes blog
I think she's very impulsive, but I totally get her reaction to this injustice. Although I do think she should try to tone it down so as to avoid trouble. She's just a teenager. She can't change all of the unjust things in this world.
I think you did great with all the warnings you gave. I did read the comments underneath the first part of Mercy and I thought it hadn't happened so the following chapter was incredibly hard to read. I thought you handled it beautifully and I don't think I could have done it better myself. A taboo topic but I'm glad you're creating the space to talk about it.
Too Good at Goodbyes forum thread
Too Good at Goodbyes blog
Ah well, and now everyone knows my real name is Silke xDDD
You have to click on 'geavanceerd' and then you can go to the website from there anyway. I didn't have this problem, probably because I use a different browser, but I know from experience that's how you do it.
Too Good at Goodbyes forum thread
Too Good at Goodbyes blog
Thanksssss!!!
I think it's going pretty well at school. She made friends, she's actually having fun and has something to do. So far I like it.
- What do you think of the comic? What spoke to you? What didn't?
AAAAH I LOVED IT! I'm an absolute fan of manga (I'm reading some stories right now actually) so this made me SOOOOOO happy. I actually thought a lot of times to make a Sims-manga myself, but oooff, I always stop before I begin because it seems like so much work... That someone actually took the time to do this all makes me fall in love with it again ;-;
- What impression do you have of Kian?
I miss his previous hair color, but I still like him very much
One word: cute! Especially when Athena was honestly like 'omg I didn't know this was a common place for couples!' and then Curtis smirking for it xD I really like that side of Athena and I also really like when Curtis puts off his guard a little thanks to her. I hope to see more of these scenes.
- What are your thoughts on Curtis at this stage (from Ch6 to 7)? Any predictions? Does his character deter you?
Like I said here before, I really like it when he puts down his guard, but I also like his overall character. I want to learn more about him like Athena wants to. I don't have predictions but I guess it won't be something with bees and butterflies xD I just hope he stays alright, and doesn't push Athena away. Or Kian. Because those two are like his angels or something.
- 7.4 shows a different story angle. What do you think of it?
I didn't dislike it at all, but personally not my favorite storyline. That's just me, don't bother too much about it :P It was nice to see Masato once again.
I thought you did a great job portraying a school of privileged kids. Man, it takes me back. I was a scholarship student in an elite all girls school but I remember students just like the ones you described. I liked Kaitlin immediately, ascertained that Carly was a ringleader, the most popular girl, that Trevor might be a bit of a playboy, but he did genuinely care about Kian, and that Athena would both fit in and wouldn't.
I like how Athena is in these chapters. It's nice to see her fitting in and also standing out. I thought it was funny how Kian and Trevor "walked" the junior class floors.
I thought Kian was rough with his practice, but I also like that he didn't go easy. Athena needs to be prepared for the "bad guys" to fight dirty and she will need to use any means necessary to fight back. Also Kaitlin throwing the cola can at Kian was gold. From an outsider's perspective, he deserved it and I'm glad Trevor intervened.
I like Kian. He's brave, he sticks up for people he cares about, he isn't afraid to hold back and push Athena (or Curtis) but he is kind. I love how Athena picked up on Kian's crush on Kaitlin. I even like his makeover, even though the flaming red hair was fun. I liked that he gave Curtis and Athena space to talk. All in all, he is a likeable character.
I love how you portray/use townies and their children. Like Lily and Victor Feng are Kaitlin's parents and Carly is the daughter of a Goth. This helps tie in the Sims without overwhelming it.
I absolutely love the comic. I read manga so if you decided to do a comic story or manga like story, I'd be down.
It was interesting to see Kirino in action and just how ruthless she was and is for the "business." Briefriending someone only to expect them or plan for them to die is another kind of cold. Was the other woman a plant or did Manuia do that bit of sleazy all on his own? And slapping a pregnant woman? Could you get anymore low?
I was curious. Curtis' reaction seems surprising as I'm sure he's witnessed death and murder before. Is it different because he viewed Saanvi as an innocent pawn? Is it because he got close to her and learned about her? Is it because she had 2 kids?
Wild thought! Curtis lost one of his parents (probably mom) because she was gunned down! I could see that being a reason for his reaction. An innocent killed and he's powerless to stop it at the age of 11, was it? No need to confirm this... just a thought.
Although, would you be willing to share a bit more about the criminal underworld in this story? The different factions? I assume there is more than one because of Steve or is his group just a street gang? Or what Kirino and Matsuo were after when taking down "Fisheye?"
Your story is getting better. At this section, I felt a turning point. It's amazing all the little details you have included like the wig and how Athena averts her eyes so Curtis knows she's lying. I loved the action and intrigue in these chapters. I love the characters you introduced and are continuing to develop. Well done.
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Their "non-date" date was so cute. I was just talking to a friend a few weeks back about a "non-date" date situation in one of my upcoming Sims stories. Haha. It was sweet to see Athena having fun, and Curtis relaxing. I was really concerned when he got angry when she wanted him to open up, but I'm glad he changed his mind at the last second. Athena is a good influence on him, and helps him be more of a teenager in my eyes. Yes, their development felt natural. They seem naturally at ease with one another (save the butterflies on Athena's part).
I am concerned about Curtis. I'm worried about his physical health. Smoking isn't good for you, and chain smoking is even worse. And he's constantly in danger. I'm really concerned about his mental health. I'm sure all this work for shady underworld crime bosses and knowing he's partially responsible (ish) for Saanvi's death is taking a huge toll on him. I really want him to be a normal teenager and to enjoy his life and a date with Athena. But that wouldn't make for the most interesting story now, right?
I am also infinitely curious. What could possibly be so horrible that he would agree to become a crime boss' lackey at the age of 11? And we still don't know anything about his parents, but the way he reacted to Saavni's death got me thinking. Here's my wild theory. I could be completely wrong and this could be outta left field, but here goes - Curtis watched his mother die when he was 11 years old at the hands of his evil criminal father. Ooo... I get *shivers* just thinking about it. And this would explain why he is desperate to find the man who killed his mom because it's his own father. He's desperate to get revenge and justice. And that's why Saavni's death got to him so much... because she too had kids and didn't deserve to die. She was just in the wrong place, at the wrong time, married to the wrong man. Or I guess, he could've witnessed both of his parents die and he's after their killer, but I dunno. The first one really resonates with me. We'll see if I'm way off base. Haha.
Okay, let's just say I'm a bit angry that Trevor's dad would use Trevor to "loosen up" married women who are bored in order to score clients. I don't care if he's almost 18. That's just wrong. Trevor is a minor. And breaking up a marriage isn't something a minor should be doing... or anyone for that matter. That really ticked me off (and I'd use a different word but forums).
It was interesting to see bits of this story told from other perspectives. Like Kian's dad showing up at the graveyard and his "investigation." Trevor and Kian interacting at the bar and the manager acting "totally cool" but nervous about serving to a minor (which again is not cool, but I get it and it makes sense in this world). The "backroom" stuff going on. Actually, I had a question - Kian's dad (who will be forever known as Kian's dad because I can't remember his name)
This line... made me shiver. Ooo... a dark and shady person. Made me uber curious.
I will say Vincent is a nice looking Sim.
Masato's dressing down of Bowser, was it?, was incredible! Well written. I loved the tension and the authority there.
Another great chapter/section!
I'm still a bit confused about all the details of the organized criminal enterprise(s) here like I said in my last comment so if you're willing to clarify some, I'd appreciate it.
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I also loved the background and lore on the spellcasters and the sages, how Morgyn went mad and the Untamed Magic spells are forbidden. I think it's sweet, but misguided that Athena wants to use "that" magic to help Curtis, who she views as a friend and potential love interest. I am worried she is headed down a dark path, and one she can't come back from once she starts. Maybe she's already started. I don't know. Either way, I'm worried for her too.
Also it was nice to see Avery again. I've missed her. I imagine she's proud of her daughter, using magic and skilling up as she has, plus her performance and popularity in school. Athena's doing well for herself right now, and I'm grateful her mom decided to help teach her.
The scenes of magic gone mad in the past were very well done. I loved seeing ghosts in the flames. That was cool.
Also it was fascinating that it took 5 reapers to take down Morgyn and capture his soul. I am wondering though if Grim says that he's worried that pieces of Morgyn's soul as still broken and scattered around (possibly), if Morgyn's power is being used to create the chaos in the story and influencing the criminal underworld. I could be totally wrong here, but I wondered. Also I'm beyond convinced that Athena already knows "untamed magic" somehow and that Avery's loss was her husband at the hands of her daughter's untamed magic. Eek! How devastating for Athena! And Avery. And the whole family really.
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What browser are you using? And if it helps
Ch 8 & 9
Ch 9 True, true words. She’s very naive and impulsive. She’s 15 and doesn’t have many friends so her world is incredibly small. Aww that’s sound advice for her right there! Her emotional bomb quirk is very frustrating to deal with, even when posing lol. Part of her impulsivity lies in her compassion for others. She could empathise with Curtis’s pain, Grim’s loneliness and her mom’s regret (even though this last bit made her incredibly frustrated haha) So it’s very hard for her to see suffering and injustice head on.
Thank you. I agree it was very ambiguous the way I presented it, but I didn’t want to convey it through pictures. I’m glad and very relieved that you found it appropriately handled. It's definitely something I was very concerned about since it's too easy for it to be stumbled upon by an unsuspecting young person.
@Skeilah
Ch 6 & 7
- What impression do you have of Kian?
I miss his previous hair color, but I still like him very much
So true! I miss his vibrant hair too! This is actually something I think a lot of surprisingly haha.
Ch 7
- What do you think of their time together? Did their development feel natural? How can it be improved? Awee thank you! Yeah Athena is quite uninformed of social hot spots. And I can totally imagine how Curtis's smirking trollface can be quite... frustrating. Heh! I think if he ever comes to life irl I’ll be throwing more than just strawberries at him.
- What are your thoughts on Curtis at this stage (from Ch6 to 7)? Any predictions? Does his character deter you? Oh you’re totally on to something there. As you’ve picked up, Kian and Athena are influencing him in a super slow but good way. I’m glad you like his overall character and that he intrigues you.
- 7.4 shows a different story angle. What do you think of it? No problem! The theme in this chapter is not a well-received theme in the first place. Masato will definitely be featured more as the story unfolds.
Too Good at Goodbyes forum thread
Too Good at Goodbyes blog
For anyone who's interested in tech jumbo, the banner in my sig previously directed to https://www.oldskoolart.wordpress.com/b2w-part-2/, which is secure browsing. But the guys on wordpress didn't set up for 'www' to work with 'https' addresses. So www and https will clash on wordpress sites and bring up that error . (Try clicking on that url and you'll get the same page.)
To get rid of this problem, the wordpress development team could've written a few more lines of code i.e.: If user inputs 'www' and 'https' together, omit 'www' before processing for example. Seems like an oversight on their part and is the reason why it's hard to link wordpress banners in forum signatures.
So I've changed my banner image address to http://www.oldskoolart.wordpress.com/b2w-part-2/ which without the 's' in http should mean its not secure, but wordpress peeps have coded for it in that if you clicked on my banner now, it automatically redirects you to https secure browsing so you won't get the error page. How ironic!
Ok that's it for Foamy geek mode!
TLDR version: I "fixed" my banner. It doesn't bring up an error anymore. 😄
@mercuryfoam
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Find me elsewhere:
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Chapter 6
The seniors in my school did that walk-through-junior-corridor walk lol, not during breaks but during normal class hours so they were very distracting and contributed to less conducive study environments for obvious reasons lolol. I’m glad you found these chapters meaningful for Athena. I’ve always wondered given the lack of action in Ch 6 then 7 that these chapters might be too uneventful. I could’ve spiced it up sure. But I also thought that like you, this quiet undramatic moment is crucial for the positive development of her character.
Im loving that Kian is likeable for you. He’s got his flaws and a teeny bit rough around the edges but aw I have to agree he’s doing pretty awesome here. I prefer his flaming head too.
Thanks! I included the big name premades from each pack in this school. Jeong, Pizzaz, Hecking, Landgraab, Bailey-Moon etc. To me, some of them represent old money, like Goths, but some others, like Pizzaz had an awesome bio pre-written and huge dreams so they became new money, influence or status.
I like how you picked up this side of Kirino. She’s exhibiting some interesting qualities here, and I’m soo liking your ‘another kind of cold’ description for her
Ooh! I love your questions, they’re so deep and introspective
Ah.. what an awesome question! You’re right, there are several underground syndicates in this story. I think Steve hinted at them when he was yapping at Curtis trying to discern his identity. I’m going to plop this entire section into the next chapter since I’m featuring some of them there. Yes you’re right about Steve’s group simply being a street gang and how MK will profit from Fisheye’s demise.
Thank you so much! It was a turning point indeed. I was testing out many things at once as you’ve seen from posing to imaging software and making cut-out wigs lol. Definitely for writing too!
@Skeilah
@AdamsEve1231 That sounds awesome. Enjoy your 5 day break. Did you pair it with the weekends so you get a 7 day vacation instead? I'd do that.
Phew. So much to say. I HATE Masato. After the revelations of the last chapter I think it's safe to make that statement. How could he do this to Athena? And even Curtis? It's sickening how he literally does anything to gain whatever it is he wants. I can't stand how much power he has.
My impression of Curtis has changed throughout the story for sure. The whole assault chapter was a catalyst for many things. My perspective on Athena changed, as well as Curtis. I outlined my thoughts on Curtis in the last part of chapter 10 on your blog, but I will say here that I feel like he is a victim in all of this too. At first I wasn't sure about him and he seemed mostly cold. After what happened to Athena, I feel like the cold thawed and he tries his hardest to make her feel better in any capacity.
Athena seemed to be doing okay in the first part of chapter 10 but that quickly deteriorated after Dew walked in. Curtis was her safe space and when Dew walked in that whole idea shattered. Athena jumped to conclusions and it was an affirmation that Curtis was a bad guy after all. The only person she trusted through all of this. I think it'll be a long time before Athena can stand on her own two feet again and not depend on someone. I do think it's best for her to lean on her mom though. Athena probably won't come to that conclusion herself but I hope Curtis will and drops her off at home so she can recover, as much as possible, there.
I thought Dew was super pretty. Her potty mouth, as you described it, turned me off from her though. I find cursing that much a real downer, especially for a minor! It's an easy practice to pick up on but it's hard to let go off. Although I do think that's possible. It's probably also a part of the world Dew is in. I was difficult to read her thought process on how to seduce Curtis because she's so young but seems so experienced in the practice already. It's sad.
I don't have any particular thoughts on the changing POVs. I did notice, but it wasn't bothersome. I like seeing multiple perspectives myself.
Too Good at Goodbyes forum thread
Too Good at Goodbyes blog
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