@mercuryfoam@15aewar As much as I appreciate your points and this whole conversation, I fear that we're doing @pinot_grigio great disservice by having it here. We should discuss their work, which is definitely good. If any one wishes to continue this discussion, we can always do it in private. This is probably no the most appropriate place for it. My apologies for being blunt.
Just thought I'd add my perspective on the feedback issue.
One of the things I worry about with criticism is that it might discourage someone from writing. I had that happen to me not too long ago with another game. It wasn't like I didn't want to improve, it's just that I got to the point where I felt like, why should I write if it's garbage anyway? I'm probably just too sensitive.
Thank you for sharing. You have a very valid point. You and I (and probably most writers) are our own worst critics. We nitpick ourselves and overthink, when the actual fact is readers are just keen to immerse themselves in the story. I'm like you in that I'm in a vicious thought cycle of "my story is 🌺🌺🌺🌺" to 'its okay i guess' and I wanted to give it up altogether but I'm soldiering on anyway.
I hope you didn't feel that way about your previous story like 'The Other Side'. I really enjoyed the story. I liked how you used different types of medium to convey it, even though I'm not good at deciphering the messages 😄 ."
No, not at all! I loved reading all your ideas. They were really awesome! Right now, I'm not feeling too well, so I've decided to work on simpler things.
@pinot_grigio
Sorry I feel like we've hijacked your thread. But I like how this discussion stemmed from how much we like your story. It makes me think and reflect and question. I like stories like this Hence I enjoy reading everyone else's insights too and can't help putting my own two cents in!
Me, too! Honestly, I can't wait for the next installment of The Circle. It's been a lot of fun to read.
No worries at all, I really enjoyed reading your discussion on this thread. I'd also like to thank you guys for the continuous support and feedback every chapter
James is open for conversation and seems to trust Kiara. I like that. Gives him some much needed personality.
What did you expect, Brianna? Dud you really expect it to be a good relationship after you've cheated on him? Ask yourself WHY did you do that first. You don't get to talk about hurt feelings here.
I mean really. It was all rotten from the very beginning and now, NOW she's acting as if she didn't see it. She's been around for a while, dealing with this kind of people. I'm sure that she has seen enough intrigue. I don't buy that she didn't suspect intrigue here.
On the other hand, her story about James being just an act if a very good move here. It makes much more sense now. and is much more believable.
Of course it was all a plot. Of course Brianna was acting stupid. Of course it was all a ploy. Saw this one in the last chapter. It would be just strange if there actually was no plot.
Unfortunately, these two points above make Brianna look very stupid. She plots, she makes intrigue yet expects transparency when it comes to her. Really? Yeah...
Overall, though, I very much applaud your decision to make it clear that Brianna is a scheming snake. Now we know where she stands. That close up of her actually nicely fits this characterization. Look at her eyes. There is a schemer there. A liar. A sociopath.
Speaking of appearances - while I understand your reasons, I don't quite get why everyone looks like a supermodel given that they've just woken up? Okay, Brianna gets a pass, but what about others?
And so I have just read all of this story and I love it! Thanks for telling me about it @pinot_grigio! Kiara leaving all her sadness behind to fall into this bunch of people is perfect for a thrilling and great ride! The drama is perfect and I can't wait to see what happens next! I love Kiara and her name too!
Awesome writing skills!
Your update came when i was heading to bed. Thought I'd read tomorrow morning but noo its 3am and I'm suddenly wide awake? Must be them simgods asking me to read or there's no sleep for me.
Ooh! That's interesting! And Laurie is in on it so she's not working alone. He's to blame too!
Why would Laurie go and sell himself out like that if he knew James was just a cover story? Was it a slip of the tongue? That's a huge slip then.
By 'tamper with evidence' im assuming the case is on internal company affairs and is ongoing. Is Jasmine the company lawyer?
Honestly Bri is such a fun character! So prideful and crafty. How'd you come up with her?
Speaking of appearances - while I understand your reasons, I don't quite get why everyone looks like a supermodel given that they've just woken up? Okay, Brianna gets a pass, but what about others?
And so I have just read all of this story and I love it! Thanks for telling me about it @pinot_grigio! Kiara leaving all her sadness behind to fall into this bunch of people is perfect for a thrilling and great ride! The drama is perfect and I can't wait to see what happens next! I love Kiara and her name too!
Awesome writing skills!
Your update came when i was heading to bed. Thought I'd read tomorrow morning but noo its 3am and I'm suddenly wide awake? Must be them simgods asking me to read or there's no sleep for me.
Ooh! That's interesting! And Laurie is in on it so she's not working alone. He's to blame too!
Why would Laurie go and sell himself out like that if he knew James was just a cover story? Was it a slip of the tongue? That's a huge slip then.
By 'tamper with evidence' im assuming the case is on internal company affairs and is ongoing. Is Jasmine the company lawyer?
Honestly Bri is such a fun character! So prideful and crafty. How'd you come up with her?
I hope you’re not too tired today!
Do you mean why did Laurie tell James the truth?
No, Jasmine isn’t a lawyer (she works at SimsAirlines, her father is the CEO there), she just knows what Brianna is doing is wrong. Brianna is a lawyer working on the case.
Hahaha I think of what some of the biggest b**ches would do (fictional and also from real life) - fictional figures include Blair from gossip girl, Cersei Lannister from Game of Thrones, Regina George from Mean Girls...
Your update came when i was heading to bed. Thought I'd read tomorrow morning but noo its 3am and I'm suddenly wide awake? Must be them simgods asking me to read or there's no sleep for me.
Ooh! That's interesting! And Laurie is in on it so she's not working alone. He's to blame too!
Why would Laurie go and sell himself out like that if he knew James was just a cover story? Was it a slip of the tongue? That's a huge slip then.
By 'tamper with evidence' im assuming the case is on internal company affairs and is ongoing. Is Jasmine the company lawyer?
Honestly Bri is such a fun character! So prideful and crafty. How'd you come up with her?
I hope you’re not too tired today!
Do you mean why did Laurie tell James the truth?
No, Jasmine isn’t a lawyer (she works at SimsAirlines, her father is the CEO there), she just knows what Brianna is doing is wrong. Brianna is a lawyer working on the case.
Hahaha I think of what some of the biggest b**ches would do (fictional and also from real life) - fictional figures include Blair from gossip girl, Cersei Lannister from Game of Thrones, Regina George from Mean Girls...
Sadly, I'm already tired.
Ah okay! Thanks for clearing that up for me. And yes! You're right. Imo, Laurie dug a huge hole for himself. He knows he's using Brianna (against Eric) and James (as alibi), then goes for a walk with James in the morning (which means he isn't drunk) and told him everything, leading James to threaten him so he had no choice but to confess to Bri Woooh! that was long winded of me but yeah. Why Laurie?? Why did he sabotage himself?
Can you believe I've never watched any of the shows you listed? (I watched 3-4 episodes of Game of Thrones so I don't think that counts) I watch a lot of Cersi clips though. Epic role model for Bri for sure!
Your update came when i was heading to bed. Thought I'd read tomorrow morning but noo its 3am and I'm suddenly wide awake? Must be them simgods asking me to read or there's no sleep for me.
Ooh! That's interesting! And Laurie is in on it so she's not working alone. He's to blame too!
Why would Laurie go and sell himself out like that if he knew James was just a cover story? Was it a slip of the tongue? That's a huge slip then.
By 'tamper with evidence' im assuming the case is on internal company affairs and is ongoing. Is Jasmine the company lawyer?
Honestly Bri is such a fun character! So prideful and crafty. How'd you come up with her?
I hope you’re not too tired today!
Do you mean why did Laurie tell James the truth?
No, Jasmine isn’t a lawyer (she works at SimsAirlines, her father is the CEO there), she just knows what Brianna is doing is wrong. Brianna is a lawyer working on the case.
Hahaha I think of what some of the biggest b**ches would do (fictional and also from real life) - fictional figures include Blair from gossip girl, Cersei Lannister from Game of Thrones, Regina George from Mean Girls...
Sadly, I'm already tired.
Ah okay! Thanks for clearing that up for me. And yes! You're right. Imo, Laurie dug a huge hole for himself. He knows he's using Brianna (against Eric) and James (as alibi), then goes for a walk with James in the morning (which means he isn't drunk) and told him everything, leading James to threaten him so he had no choice but to confess to Bri Woooh! that was long winded of me but yeah. Why Laurie?? Why did he sabotage himself?
Can you believe I've never watched any of the shows you listed? (I watched 3-4 episodes of Game of Thrones so I don't think that counts) I watch a lot of Cersi clips though. Epic role model for Bri for sure!
Aww, hope you can fit in a nap today!
The reason why Laurie told James in the morning is because they’re lifelong best friends, coupled with the fact that Laurie has been feeling guilty about the lie he has been living (if you’re not a sociopath/psychopath and are introspective, prolonged periods of serious lying and deception can drive you crazy). Laurie didn’t want to tell James nor did he plan on telling him, but in the end he couldn’t bear seeing his friend hurting anymore so he just told James the truth (oh wow Laurie actually cares about his friend, even though he’s willing to throw his cousin under the bus)... I didn’t end up including all of this in the last chapter so I’ll be working it in the upcoming chapters, as well as exploring everyone’s relationships further.
Can’t believe you haven’t watched any of those shows!!
Good job on creating a villain! I seriously dislike Bri now. Taking down a whole company over Laurie, who she didn't act all that interested in anyway? That was really, really low.
Brianna is sneaky and underhanded! This will ruin Laurie! He should have never done that but does it deserve this?!?! I don't really like Brianna so much now.
So wait a minute, Brianna has a hacker but they are not there to do all the dirty work for her? What if that Hacker is connected to computer remotely and is monitoring logs? in other words, her own hacker could be working against her. That a first point. Second point - it is easier to sweep hacker attack under the rug rather than her own personal involvement. Why is she doing it herself? To prove a point? She could've been standing nearby and watching a henchman work and the effect would be the same.
You know, for some reason I can't help but draw a parallel to...Lion King of all tings! Laurie wants to have the same position or better as Eric and is willing to do everything to get it, but doesn't seem to be competent enough to both get it and hold it, just like Scar\Taka. Is this deliberate?
With that said, it is dirty business and the only way to win is either to ea everyone around you on to not to get involved at all. Brianna wants to win, so she is willing to do all this. Something tells me that she is simply willing to do whatever it takes. Kiara is just standing in the way. Brianna is too proud to admit and accept that she's been had and wants payback. I can respect that. At least she is willing to get her hands dirty, so there is something for her.
Let me guess, when to co comes back Kiara is going to get in serious trouble on suspicion of leaking corporate secrets? [/Spouler]
So wait a minute, Brianna has a hacker but they are not there to do all the dirty work for her? What if that Hacker is connected to computer remotely and is monitoring logs? in other words, her own hacker could be working against her. That a first point. Second point - it is easier to sweep hacker attack under the rug rather than her own personal involvement. Why is she doing it herself? To prove a point? She could've been standing nearby and watching a henchman work and the effect would be the same.
You know, for some reason I can't help but draw a parallel to...Lion King of all tings! Laurie wants to have the same position or better as Eric and is willing to do everything to get it, but doesn't seem to be competent enough to both get it and hold it, just like Scar\Taka. Is this deliberate?
With that said, it is dirty business and the only way to win is either to ea everyone around you on to not to get involved at all. Brianna wants to win, so she is willing to do all this. Something tells me that she is simply willing to do whatever it takes. Kiara is just standing in the way. Brianna is too proud to admit and accept that she's been had and wants payback. I can respect that. At least she is willing to get her hands dirty, so there is something for her.
Let me guess, when to co comes back Kiara is going to get in serious trouble on suspicion of leaking corporate secrets? [/Spouler]
Brianna was going to get her hacker to go and do it all for her because she was originally intending to stay in Sulani over the weekend. But now that she was back in San Myshuno and angrier than ever, she just decided to take matters into her own hands. And besides, if the hacker got caught, he would say that he was hired by Brianna to do the dirty work anyway, so she would get in trouble whether or not she did it herself. And yes exactly, as you said in the third paragraph, Brianna is not afraid of getting her hands dirty.
That's really interesting that you are reminded of Lion King! I didn't think of Lion King when I was writing the relationship between Eric and Laurie, but I can definitely see the resemblance! The relationship between Mufasa and Scar can be interpreted as an allegory of the biblical Cain and Abel relationship, but I don't think I'm going to go so far as to have Laurie kill Eric...
Hahaha well you'll have to see if the information gets leaked or not in the first place!
As always, thanks for reading and engaging with the story!
But the fact that you don't want Laurie to kill Eric is in itself a hook for characterization. Why Laurie doesn't want to kill Eric? Because he is family? Because he could get into trouble? Because Eric is not worth it? These are very very different answers, after all.
If I remember correctly in the second movie or somewhere else that Scar and Mufasa's parents saw Taka/Scar as unworthy. Michael certainly seems to have the same point of veiw in regards to Laurie. Is Laurie simply craving attention and respect and wants to prove himself no matter what or is he driven by desire to usurp? Scar ultimately wanted to be the king, not a good or worthy king. What doe s Laurie ultimately want? We'll see later.
Brianna’s out for blood. I wonder what happened to the person she hired. It’s too risky to do these shady stuff yourself. She's a lawyer too! I'm not sure how she'll ever recover if she gets found out! Oh so that’s what happened. No wonder Michael and Eric treat him with such disdain - Laurie messed up really bad. What was he thinking, but he is blinded by jealousy. This is taking quite the turn! These six "friends" are really something!
But the fact that you don't want Laurie to kill Eric is in itself a hook for characterization. Why Laurie doesn't want to kill Eric? Because he is family? Because he could get into trouble? Because Eric is not worth it? These are very very different answers, after all.
If I remember correctly in the second movie or somewhere else that Scar and Mufasa's parents saw Taka/Scar as unworthy. Michael certainly seems to have the same point of veiw in regards to Laurie. Is Laurie simply craving attention and respect and wants to prove himself no matter what or is he driven by desire to usurp? Scar ultimately wanted to be the king, not a good or worthy king. What doe s Laurie ultimately want? We'll see later.
I guess the main reason is because Eric is family and Laurie wouldn't stoop that low... Laurie's negative attitude towards Eric is driven by his craving for attention from Michael, Laurie doesn't just hate Eric for the sake of hating him.
Comments
Me, too! Honestly, I can't wait for the next installment of The Circle. It's been a lot of fun to read.
Book O' Spells: The Life and Times of Lady Ravendancer Goth
The Shadow Over Newcrest - Revised Story Blog
No worries at all, I really enjoyed reading your discussion on this thread. I'd also like to thank you guys for the continuous support and feedback every chapter
What did you expect, Brianna? Dud you really expect it to be a good relationship after you've cheated on him? Ask yourself WHY did you do that first. You don't get to talk about hurt feelings here.
I mean really. It was all rotten from the very beginning and now, NOW she's acting as if she didn't see it. She's been around for a while, dealing with this kind of people. I'm sure that she has seen enough intrigue. I don't buy that she didn't suspect intrigue here.
On the other hand, her story about James being just an act if a very good move here. It makes much more sense now. and is much more believable.
Of course it was all a plot. Of course Brianna was acting stupid. Of course it was all a ploy. Saw this one in the last chapter. It would be just strange if there actually was no plot.
Unfortunately, these two points above make Brianna look very stupid. She plots, she makes intrigue yet expects transparency when it comes to her. Really? Yeah...
Overall, though, I very much applaud your decision to make it clear that Brianna is a scheming snake. Now we know where she stands. That close up of her actually nicely fits this characterization. Look at her eyes. There is a schemer there. A liar. A sociopath.
Speaking of appearances - while I understand your reasons, I don't quite get why everyone looks like a supermodel given that they've just woken up? Okay, Brianna gets a pass, but what about others?
Anyway - it is a good chapter. Well done.
Book O' Spells: The Life and Times of Lady Ravendancer Goth
The Shadow Over Newcrest - Revised Story Blog
Awesome writing skills!
Why would Laurie go and sell himself out like that if he knew James was just a cover story? Was it a slip of the tongue? That's a huge slip then.
By 'tamper with evidence' im assuming the case is on internal company affairs and is ongoing.
Honestly Bri is such a fun character! So prideful and crafty. How'd you come up with her?
Hahaha maybe I should download some bed hair...
Welcome!!! Thank you so much for reading
I hope you’re not too tired today!
No, Jasmine isn’t a lawyer (she works at SimsAirlines, her father is the CEO there), she just knows what Brianna is doing is wrong. Brianna is a lawyer working on the case.
Hahaha I think of what some of the biggest b**ches would do (fictional and also from real life) - fictional figures include Blair from gossip girl, Cersei Lannister from Game of Thrones, Regina George from Mean Girls...
Ah okay! Thanks for clearing that up for me. And yes! You're right. Imo, Laurie dug a huge hole for himself. He knows he's using Brianna (against Eric) and James (as alibi), then goes for a walk with James in the morning (which means he isn't drunk) and told him everything, leading James to threaten him so he had no choice but to confess to Bri
Can you believe I've never watched any of the shows you listed? (I watched 3-4 episodes of Game of Thrones so I don't think that counts)
Aww, hope you can fit in a nap today!
Can’t believe you haven’t watched any of those shows!!
Book O' Spells: The Life and Times of Lady Ravendancer Goth
The Shadow Over Newcrest - Revised Story Blog
You know, for some reason I can't help but draw a parallel to...Lion King of all tings! Laurie wants to have the same position or better as Eric and is willing to do everything to get it, but doesn't seem to be competent enough to both get it and hold it, just like Scar\Taka. Is this deliberate?
With that said, it is dirty business and the only way to win is either to ea everyone around you on to not to get involved at all. Brianna wants to win, so she is willing to do all this. Something tells me that she is simply willing to do whatever it takes. Kiara is just standing in the way. Brianna is too proud to admit and accept that she's been had and wants payback. I can respect that. At least she is willing to get her hands dirty, so there is something for her.
Let me guess, when to co comes back Kiara is going to get in serious trouble on suspicion of leaking corporate secrets? [/Spouler]
That's really interesting that you are reminded of Lion King! I didn't think of Lion King when I was writing the relationship between Eric and Laurie, but I can definitely see the resemblance! The relationship between Mufasa and Scar can be interpreted as an allegory of the biblical Cain and Abel relationship, but I don't think I'm going to go so far as to have Laurie kill Eric...
Hahaha well you'll have to see if the information gets leaked or not in the first place!
As always, thanks for reading and engaging with the story!
If I remember correctly in the second movie or somewhere else that Scar and Mufasa's parents saw Taka/Scar as unworthy. Michael certainly seems to have the same point of veiw in regards to Laurie. Is Laurie simply craving attention and respect and wants to prove himself no matter what or is he driven by desire to usurp? Scar ultimately wanted to be the king, not a good or worthy king. What doe s Laurie ultimately want? We'll see later.