Were there any themes that stood out for you in this story? How do you think I handled them?
I think for me the main overarching theme was about losing innocence, which happens to all of us as we grow up, but to a lesser degree than our mains here. You could see that progression in everyone, Athena and Curtis obviously being the obvious choices, but to a degree this was also shown for Kirino and Masato, even the Scorcher. Which, now that I think about it, does not bode well for Kian’s next arc
What do you think of my balancing action/non-action scenes, thrill/non-thrill? Were you able to wind down before the next one, or is the story's arrangement fine with you? Some have told me they needed to take a break from the story because it was so uh full on(?). How was it for you?
Haha I think I may have said that, there were points in your story where I deliberately took a break, yes, but it’s nothing to do with too much action and/or thrill. I obviously had the luxury of getting to binge the story, but I didn’t want to burn through it too quickly, so I had to actively stop myself sometimes to avoid blasting through it too fast and missing things. Oh, and I specifically stopped after the lighthouse chapter because I had a feeling everything was going to go terribly wrong
Some of the chapters were just really impactful (in a good way) or had mind-boggling revelations, so I wanted to take some time to digest them, but that’s really not a bad thing at all – just think of it as gorging on rich chocolate cake, you have to wait a while till you can have cake again afterwards, but that doesn’t matter you don’t like cake, on the contrary!
There’s a shift in my writing style/length between chapter 1-5 and the rest of the story. I also experimented with different mediums. What do you think of:
The comic strip? Was its organisation easy to follow? Were the Speech bubbles clear who’s talking and who’s next? I think I’ve already answered this one for you elsewhere.
Picture Sequences: Did you prefer the speech text organised around the subject in the picture? Or placed at the bottom and color coded? Colour-coded at the bottom is the easiest to follow for me, hands down. It’s very clear to make sense of that way.
Do you like this randomness of switching mediums? Yes! I like it when writers experiment! I’m not gonna lie, I would probably be sad if you said that the entirety of season 2 will be a comic, because I would miss seeing what’s going on in their heads, but I do enjoy different styles being sprinkled in. Always fun to see what you come up with (and admirable how many different storytelling platforms you manage to pull off!)
At some point I tried to add more descriptions/elaboration of the setting and ambience than moving the story along. (Chapter 14.2 and 14.21) What do you think of the writing in these chapters compared to the rest of my writing? Do you have a preference? (If there’s no difference you can say that too. ) I can’t say that I noticed they had more descriptions at the time of reading them, but 14.21 did stand out to me, it was a treat to get a peak into Masato’s perspective, it really helped me understand the way he thinks, and this was also where we got to see a glimpse of the true Kirino for the first time. So I don’t know if the reason I enjoyed these chapters was the different writing style or the subjects. Either way, occasional introspective chapters are good since they help with fleshing out your characters, but of course it’s all about balance.
I overly rely on pictures to describe the setting than write it out. Does this style work for you?
Yes, although I’m biased because I tend to do that too. To me, the images are an essential part of simlit, so I don’t think it’s necessary to overly describe something you can clearly get from the image itself. Sure, some people could have the perspective that the writing alone should still flow in a standalone cohesive way if you were to remove the images, but I disagree – if you could tell the story just as effectively without the images, then why bother putting them there in the first place?
Not to mention that your screenshotting is one of the highlights of the story, the emotions you capture in your images are phenomenal.
Romance is hard to write and personal. There are some scenes and pictures that were too much for me in the story, but I’m a conservative person. How were they for you? Were any of them cringey? If yes, which one? so I can work on those. And do you have suggestions?
If you mean some of the more explicit scenes, no, I wouldn’t say it was too much or cringey. I do recall that when Curtis and Athena first kissed, you described how her body responded quite in-depth, which surprised me, but didn’t bother me – though I also recall that I was hoping that you weren’t going to go to that level of detail on the descriptions as their relationship progresses lol!
And then 16.5 I thought was very tastefully done, it’s not like we saw hanging bits or you launched into a full-blown description there (which for me would be cringey, yes), it was focusing much more on the feeling. So no issues there.
The only part I thought was on the cringey side was their conversation in the final chapter, but I wouldn’t call that romance, I would call that denial :P
Character
1. What are Athena's strengths and weaknesses? What do you think of Athena’s Character progression/development? How would you describe her?
Athena is very determined when she wants something, which is both her biggest strength and weakness. She does not back down, often like a child that insists they need a particular toy – but that’s understandable, given her age, and it’s obviously helped her get through tough times.
I don’t think she particularly considers other people’s perspectives and motivations; she is very focused on her own view of the world. I wouldn’t go as far as to say self-centred, per say, but I feel like she has to actively try to empathise with others. But again, that’s to be expected, given that up until the events of B2W she lived a very sheltered life.
She will do anything for the people she cares about though. Too much, even, at her own detriment. I wonder if that will change now, given everything she’s been through, now that she’s realised she’s not invincible. Then again, maybe now that she has the tome, she thinks she is!
Is her character realistic? Is she adequately fleshed out for reader understanding?
Yes, I would say so, like I said above I can justify why she is the way she is.
Any bits of her that you find confusing?
Nothing comes to mind. I’ve disagreed with her plenty, but I don’t feel like I was confused about where she’s coming from.
What kind of person do you think she has become at the end of this story? What kind of person do you predict her to be in B2W?
I don’t think there’s a single answer to this one. I almost see her at a crossroads right now, with several directions you could nudge her in, with one tiny gentle push. She is in a place where she can change for the better, or for the worse, and either would be believable. I’m pretty sure the untamed magic stuff will have an effect on her though, so I personally foresee the latter, but hey maybe she’ll surprise me!
She insists that Curtis is relatable and her soulmate at the lighthouse scene. Did you find her insistence of them being made for each other believable? Do you have a theory why she thinks so? (I’ve never elaborated on this)
Honestly, that moment for me was just a reminder of “oh yeah, she’s 16” (or was she 15 at that point? I know she turns 16 at some point in the story but can’t remember if it was before or after this chapter). So it was believable, but it goes back to what I said about her childish stubbornness. It felt like a realistic reminder of her age. I mean, he’s her first love, and she’s just been through some traumatising stuff she can’t bear to face alone in this chapter. Of course she’ll believe that.
2. What are Curtis's strength and weaknesses? What do you think of Curtis’s Character progression/development? How would you describe him?
This one is much more difficult for me to answer because I’m aware of my personal bias, so I know it’s much harder for me to objective here – so take what I say with a grain of salt.
I think he’s not as numb to the world as he’d like to be, he puts on this careful front he’s cultivated but his emotions ultimately rule him. He’s obviously grown quite desensitised to his environment as he’s had to, and when he’s confronted with what he contributes to, it doesn’t sit right with him, because he’d like to tell himself he’s the good guy, just on a quest for revenge, so when he actually gets a look in the mirror (whether that be circumstances, like the aftermath of 6.4, or Athena calling him out on what he fears to be in 10.5), he doesn’t like what he sees.
He definitely likes to lie to himself, I wonder where he’s learned that? 😊 I can definitely see the impact Masato bringing him up has had on him, because he has adopted some of Masato’s traits, but is obviously a lot more sensitive. So far. Lol. I guess we’ll have to see if he ends up like his mentor.
I do think it’s a miracle that he’s still has so many emotions and a moral compass given his sad life story, and like I said I do attribute a lot of it to Kian.
Is he realistic and adequately fleshed out for reader understanding?
Fleshed out, yes. Realistic in the sense that I understand his motivations, yes. Realistic in the sense of if somebody went through what he did, they would still keep it together and not become completely deranged… probably not. But that’s why I love him.
Did you find it strange that he cared for Athena with his background staring at violence every day?
Not really, I mean he was subconsciously looking for something to ground him, someone to tell him he’s not completely lost to the world in spite of it all, something to give him a reason to go on once the Scorcher hunt was done, should he survive. Escapism is a natural response to high pressure situations. That, and Athena didn’t exactly give him a choice And he’s a teenage boy, a pretty girl that’s clearly into him and not a part of his world would obviously be very appealing.
I know I did a lot of explaining of Masato and Kirino’s character in the comments. But without the comments and purely relying on story:
Is Masato a believable character?Does his character/personality, his motivations, and actions make sense to you? Is his love for Kirino surprising? Does his metaphoric speech make sense to you? Did the final reveal provide ample explanation of all the schemey scenes he was portrayed in throughout the story? Did everything make sense?
I didn’t really understand his motivations until later on in the story when we got to see things from his point of view, but that was obviously deliberate. I like how complex he is, and hope to see more of him in season 2.
His love of Kirino is not surprising, they had so much history and were of course forever bonded by the loss of their son. I did find his arch sufficiently explained, but I find him and Kirino fascinating so I wouldn’t mind a pre-quel/spinoff, and I definitely hope that this is not the last of what we’ve seen of him.
It will be interesting which way he will go now that he has to go on without Kirino – will he become completely merciless and dead inside, because the one person he cared so deeply for is gone, or will he try to keep his promise to her and actually try to look out for Curtis?
4.Is Kirino a believable character? Does her character, desires and actions (including final action) make sense to you?
Yes. I initially didn’t know what to make of her, but I really fell in love with her when we saw what was underneath her mask. She was one of my favourites, and it breaks my heart she’s gone, but her actions were not unexpected.
Did her scene at the end come as a complete surprise? Were there enough clues given throughout the story for you to find her condition at the end believable/acceptable?
I guess I answered that, and I already covered that in my WP comments. All very believable, unfortunately, and foreshadowed.
Was her ‘flashback’ chapter believable?
Yes. My favourite chapter in the whole story.
Do you think she loves Masato (at the end)?
Oh, that’s a loaded question. Hmm… I’m not sure if she had much room for anything other than pain in her heart at the end. In a way, she did probably did still love him to some degree, though I’d imagine she didn’t want to.
Were Masato and Kirino’s complicated relationship believable?
Yes. I wish we got more of them, but just the little snippets we did painted a very rich picture.
Is Scorcher a believable character? Does his character, desires and actions make sense to you? (I think I gave him a monologue and two lines of dialogue explaining his perspective on life lol)
Hmm I don’t know if we know enough about him to dissect him as a character. We obviously know he’s suffered a personal tragedy that’s made him snap and take pleasure in the pain of others to avoid his own, but I can’t say I can analyse what makes him tick That being said I don’t feel like that a higher level of deeper understanding was needed for him.
What do you think about Kian? Then Carly?
I love Kian! He brought much needed light to the story, which I guess was his primary function. I adore that he says it how it is and sassy sense of humour. No wonder he was popular with the ladies at school 😊
Carly I wasn’t too keen on, though to my surprise I didn’t mind her with Kian in the finale, they seemed well suited. That being said I won’t be mad if someone better comes along for him. Though I feel like where he’s going it will be a lot less dating and a lot more danger.
8. What do you think/feel about Dew?
I actually really liked Dew ever since she was introduced – by that I don’t mean the chapter where her drink got spiked, but the chapter where she actually got dialogue - 10.5, I think? She obviously holds no illusions of the world in spite of her young age, and doesn’t mince her words, but there’s a lot of truth behind what she says. I hope she’s back for season 2!
9. What do you think about Grim?
Grim was hilarious, in spite of his story being sad, and I loved the genuine bond he developed with Athena, even though that was ultimately his undoing (I see what you did there!). He was a fantastic vehicle to explain the lore of the magic realm, and the revelation about his true identity was a cherry on top, I did not see that coming!
Haha. Congrats on enduring all my blunt comments. Not many can say they did and remained friends with me after that.
You keep saying this was your first writing experience and my brain refuses to accept it. She's pulling your leg, it keeps saying. So if it's really so (pardon my inherent skepticism, can't be helped), hats off to you for putting together such an ambitious story and for executing it so well. There were so many layers to this story and my heart quivered with excitement as they were peeled off one by one. You managed to surprise me several times and that's a huge win for you, my friend.
Now on to your questions. I think I'm gonna answer the first part for now and the next ones maybe later.
General: 1. Did you enjoy the story? I did. Some parts more than others. 2. What was your favourite part, and which was your least favourite part? I enjoyed Masato and Kirino's parts most toward the end. And of course Julian's parts, because I find it hard to resist hadsome investigators obviously. All scenes with Grim were also very enjoyable, I liked the whole aura of mystery around him. As for parts I didn't enjoy. The teenage romance. If you asked me couple years ago, I'd probably answer differently. You can blame my age for craving more adult romance. 3. How do you feel about the ending? You already know my feelings regarding Curtisena. I was very 'loud' about it in my comments. I don't want them together. Not at the moment at least. I'm excited about Julian's disappearance. 4. Do you feel like the story was different from what you expected when you started? Definitely. And I'm happy about it. To include the whole crime organisation part was a great idea and exactly what I enjoy reading. 5. What do you think of the darkness from chapter 6 until the end? Was the darkness too much, not much, present but not bad, present but bad? I'm not squeamish. I prefer darker themes and less happy endings. There are plenty of light happy stories out there, I believe. If I wanted that, I'd go elsewhere. Frankly, if anyone complains about it, they have a variety of other stories to choose from. I'm in the right place here. 6. What are your predictions for S2? Feel free to answer everything else before attempting this. I won't write my predictions, only my thoughts what I'd like to see happen in S2. And please, don't let my wishes force you to change your plans or anything. Inspiration is fine, but I already told you that making changes for the sake of readers' satisfaction is a bad idea. You should always write the story you enjoy telling no matter what.
I mentioned it before that 'd like to see Athena and Curtis on opposite sides. Either knowingly or unknowingly working against each other in some way. It could be that Athena is part of a project (magic related?) that interfers with the goals of Curtis and his crime gang. I want to see them both grow as characters. I want Athena to harden, be less of the girl who used to throw herself head first in the danger. I want to see her become a woman who isn't emotionally dependent on anyone and if she is, it's only because she chose to, not because she lost control.
I want to see a new interesting villain. Someone highly intelligent and dangerous (an opponent for Masato maybe?), because there is such a lack of those in simlit.
I want to see Kian go through some life changing experience. Maybe during the search for his father? I want him to have to make some difficult choices. I want him to come out of it changed.
I want all three friends to go on their individual quests so that all of them are very different people when they meet again.
You’re fair in your comments. It wasn’t as if they came from uh unreasonable grounds or being rude for the sake of it. I just saw it as honesty My last writing was my uni thesis paper. I like this onion reference to my story too thank you (I can’t help it, shrek left an impression on me)
I never knew you didn’t like the teenage romance . That shows how objective you are in the comments. I thought you just didn’t like the character. (I’m still suspicious that its the characters’ personality/immaturity that get to you :P ) Anyway I hope you will elaborate on this in the later questions and no worries! I totally get where you’re coming from. I’m so excited to read what you have to say especially on particular characters (You know which one!) I think my questions are a bit restrictive so feel free to expand on them.
Ahh that’s a good thing to hear because my themes will probably not change in its ‘lightness’. I seem to gravitate towards dark themes too. But I will try to include less depressing chapters anyway.
Thank you for the reminder. I have a rough idea where I want to take them and what I want the ending to be and those won’t change for sure. But I am worried because you have probes in my brain so maybe I will alter them a bit more. Your ideas are so mind-boggling and really impressive. Some of them will happen.
Ah you’ve made me so curious. I really want to see what happens to Tony and Chris now. What thoughts have you injected there?? xD Also, you do not need to answer everything. You’re supposed to pick and choose. Thank you for tackling the questions! It's always great to hear from you
okay, first of all, that is a LOT of questions And I understand, it's the first story you have ever written, and you need the feedback.
okay let me try.
General
General: 1. Did you enjoy the story?
Yes. You have managed to surprise me many times with interesting twists and tackled subjects I would have never expected. And I also enjoyed all characters you have. They each have their own personality, and you stick to it.
2. What was your favourite part, and which was your least favourite part?
It's a while ago, but the first that comes to my mind is the chapter with the school scenes. I really loved them. They reminded me of old high school manga, and I really enjoyed how lighthearted and easy it was, despite having their own drama. That Athena became friends with the girls that originally disliked her is also something I really enjoyed. I am sick of all those petty school rivalries
As for what were my least favourite parts, I think the whole part after that long Interlude in CH15.5, with a few exceptions (the masakiri story was awesome & broke my heart). I felt a lot of it there was rushed, and plot points that promised to make more impact on the story, like Athena's memory loss, ended up being just a triviality.
3. How do you feel about the ending?
See above.
4. Do you feel like the story was different from what you expected when you started?
yes, you have surprised me over and over again while I was reading xD
I had expected to see much more magic, but it was rather unimportant.
5. What do you think of the darkness from chapter 6 until the end? Was the darkness too much, not much, present but not bad, present but bad? etc
I like that you never trivialized anything evil that happened. It didn't feel like a cheap device to cause drama, but on the contrary very real. I like how realistic is the reaction of your characters to the dark stuff that happens, Athena's teenage naivety and inability to grasp the whole reality and danger of it (again, that part where she saves Leona just to see her beat up and kill (?) the attacker and is so dumbfounded made me giggle) and also Curtis' numbness to the abuse of all the girls, the death of the drug victims, and his whole world, it is awesome character depiction.
6. What are your predictions for S2? Feel free to answer everything else before attempting this.
Honestly, I have no idea xD Except I am afraid that that kiss scene on TV will cause Curtis to make a scene again. I'd be disappointed.
Ah yay phew!
Omg I’m glad you like the school scenes. o.o Tbh, those are my less confident chapters. xD I didn’t feel comfortable with them and I can’t quite elaborate on why - it’s something I’m still figuring it out.
Oof gotcha. It makes sense because I did structure Chapter 17 as a prologue initially. So everything was created in bitesize and had to be covered in one chapter. If I had the mindset that they were chapters, I’d probably flesh out the story more. For the part about her memories (or lack of ), it will play a more prominent role in S2
Oops :> Yeah. The magical part of the story was always reserved for S2
That’s a very interesting perspective to look from. I’m glad you feel that way. I definitely did not want to put a romantic spin on crime. >.> And I wasn’t striving to make any of my characters likable, just presenting them as how they are, blemishes and all.
No spoilers, but I'm actually itching to answer here aaah. But it will be addressed next so you’ll get answers
Thanks again for your answers! I'm so excited to hear your advice next
1. What are Athena's strengths and weaknesses? What do you think of Athena’s Character progression/development? How would you describe her?
- Is her character realistic? Is she adequately fleshed out for reader understanding?
- Any bits of her that you find confusing?
- What kind of person do you think she has become at the end of this story? What kind of person do you predict her to be in B2W?
- She insists that Curtis is relatable and her soulmate at the lighthouse scene. Did you find her insistence of them being made for each other believable? Do you have a theory why she thinks so? (I’ve never elaborated on this)
First of all I have to admit I couldn't help but compare Athena to one of my characters constantly as I was reading. She's a red head too after all. And of course whenever I found something about Athena's behavior and its believability I asked myself at the same time if I don't do the same when I write Kellie. If I found similarities I'd slap my hand not to criticize.
Is Athena's character realistic? How can one answer that? She has magical powers so that itself makes her unrealistic from the start. There's one problem with characters who have superpowers - the writer can always use the superpower/magic as a crutch, an easy explanation of any behavior or event. There needs to be balance for this to work. There must be rules, laws of the magic if you will that ensure this balance. I hesitate to make any judgements here as I'm super sensitive when it comes to characters that can do things a normal person shouldn't be capable of. Then again I myself walk a thin line with one of my own, so it's terribly difficult to give an objective opinion.
I could call Athenna reckless and then you could argue that she had confidence that she'd be able to defend herself with her magic. So what she is like when we take away the magic? Clearly someone who has uncontrollable desire to help and fix things and people. In that regard she is believable. Still a naive teenager, who believes she can fix anything by sheer force of her will and persistence. We saw her do some self-reflection at the end of the season and I think she should do more. She should look back and ask herself if all the pain was worth pursuing the man who is torn between two worlds and after all that happened isn't any closer to making a decision in which of those two worlds he wants to belong 100% I'm hoping she will make a serious attempt to extricate herself from that relationship. But given her bad luck she'll most likely end up in another unhealthy relationship. I didn't think about why she thinks she and Curtis were made for each other. Isn't it something people always think when they fall in love for the first time? That this is the perfect love that must surely last forever no matter what everyone else says?
2. What are Curtis's strength and weaknesses? What do you think of Curtis’s Character progression/development? How would you describe him?
- Is he realistic and adequately fleshed out for reader understanding?
- Did you find it strange that he cared for Athena with his background staring at violence every day?
With Curtis I have the same problem as with Athena. She has magic and Curtis is portrayed as a prodigy. Whenever you question something he does, you need to take this into account. His weakness is definitely the fact that he's not able to face the truth about himself. He keeps deluding himself he can quit anytime he wants and live anormal life, be a better man. Scratch that. He believes he is better man than the rest he's working with. Even after he killed a man he still believes it. What he doesn't realize is that even the worst criminals often think themselves good people. Someone needs to hold the mirror up to him. I kind of wish Kian does it at some point.
I know I did a lot of explaining of Masato and Kirino’s character in the comments. But without the comments and purely relying on story:
3.Is Masato a believable character? Does his character/personality, his motivations, and actions make sense to you? Is his love for Kirino surprising? Does his metaphoric speech make sense to you? Did the final reveal provide ample explanation of all the schemey scenes he was portrayed in throughout the story? Did everything make sense?
I think Masato is pretty believable. His love for Kirino was a nice surprise. It made his character more complex. And even if he's a rather despicable character because of his actions this made him more human. Perfectly in accordance with the rule that an antagonist should have at least one redeeming quality.
4.Is Kirino a believable character? Does her character, desires and actions (including final action ) make sense to you?
- Did her scene at the end come as a complete surprise? Were there enough clues given throughout the story for you to find her condition at the end believable/acceptable?
- Was her ‘flashback’ chapter believable?
- Do you think she loves Masato (at the end)?
Kirino's character made perfect sense to me. I love it how there's something sad about her appearance. She played her part in what has become of Curtis but I suppose her final act made us all forgive her. I wouldn't mind more and earlier hints on her condition. I'm not sure if she was capable of loving Masato in the end. I wanted to believe she did, but she hurt too much. Is there even any space for love if one hasn't recovered from the loss of a child even after many years?
5.Were Masato and Kirino’s complicated relationship believable?
Yes. It was tragic and beautiful. Definitely one of the highlights of this story.
6.Is Scorcher a believable character? Does his character, desires and actions make sense to you? (I think I gave him a monologue and two lines of dialogue explaining his perspective on life lol)
I have mixed feelings about him. I can (and can't at the same time) understand why he took his anger on the son of the man who betrayed them. But why did he hurt others? The woman who Curtis lived with for instance. (Apologies for not remembering the names of all side characters) Did he lose his mind? Why didn't he hurt Masato too then? I may have forgot or missed some key hints about his characters, I admit.
7. What do you think about Kian? Then Carly?
I like Kian and his warm and friendly character. Curtis has a better friend in him than he deserves in my opinion. I'm afraid I don't care much for Carly yet. I wondered why you paired them up. Again, maybe I'm missing something, but I simply didn't feel any chemistry between those two characters. To me it felt like one moment they weren't a couple and next they were. In my opinion Kian had more chemistry with Athena than with Carly. It was as though he started dating Carly because he couldn't have Athena. IDK.
8. What do you think/feel about Dew?
Remind me who is Dew? Is she the girl who confessed her feelings to Curtis? Sorry again for forgetting names.
We know too little of her yet for me to form a complex opinion on her.
9. What do you think about Grim?
What can I say? I'm glad I wasn't wrong and that he is who he is. I only wish he stopped playing a match maker. That doesn't suit him. I don't want him to be a friendly grandpa, if you know what I mean. Now that you revealed that he was manipulative, I'd like to see his character become something more powerful and sinister. Wishful thinking, yeah.
Well, here you have it. I hope my answers didn't disappoint.
In my opinion Kian had more chemistry with Athena than with Carly. It was as though he started dating Carly because he couldn't have Athena. IDK.
Ooh, that's an interesting way to look at it. I did also think that Kian and Athena had chemistry, but I put a lid on that straight away because I knew it would be completely out of character for him to pursue her. So what you're saying about him getting together with Carly makes perfect sense.
I don't know if I'll be able to answer all the questions to the full extent they deserve, but I'll try because I think it's great that you are asking for feedback from your readers. I enjoyed reading this story, and one thing that I really liked was that I saw how you progressed and developed as a writer. To me, your descriptions got much more vivid and fleshed out, and the story and characters got more complex as the story went on.
I do 100% agree with the above responses that you should write the story you want to write. I will still read because I have enjoyed the story and have gotten to know the characters, and I know that you'll deliver something creative and interesting. You, as the creator and writer, know your characters much better than anyone else and the story you want to tell. I'm impressed with the creativity of simlit authors and am often like... wow, I could have never come up with that, and that's what makes reading so enjoyable.
And I'll go on a mini-rant about the GOT ending since I saw it brought up in the comments. I think the main problem with that ending was they rushed the whole thing, and it just didn't make sense in character development. I've always thought that one of the main protagonists is actually a villain (I won't say who), but they rushed it in the TV show and it just didn't work. I'm hoping Martin will do a better job in the books. My own opinion is that when the writers didn't have the books to work with, it just went downhill from there. I think Martin, as an author, knows his characters and I think the TV show writers didn't connect with the characters on the same level. Also, I think my least favorite part of GOT was the white walker conclusion; it was so lackluster (I was literally like, that's it? and then proceeded to yell at the TV for like a half-hour, lol). Anyway, totally went off in a rant, because I am a huge fan of the books and that ending really didn't do the characters or the story justice.
1. Did you enjoy the story?
Yes, I enjoyed this story a lot. The concept is very original to simlit. I love the criminal underground background; I love the darker themes you explore. Your poses are outstanding, and your pictures capture the story so well.
2. What was your favourite part, and which was your least favourite part?
I like the crime organization scenes, and the Masato and Kirino chapters. I think the criminal organization could be its own standalone story. I also really enjoyed Grim as a character, so anytime he showed up, I was happy.
3. How do you feel about the ending?
To me, it was more like a transition into the next story. There were a lot of loose ends (not to say that is bad, some loose ends can be okay, and I think that real-life situations don't always get neatly resolved). I think I would have liked Athena and Curtis to break up instead of just be left in this relationship limbo (maybe I just like solid conclusions for romance stories). I thought the Grim story arc, came to a good conclusion, and I enjoyed that. I was curious about Athena's mom and brother, and what happened there.
4. Do you feel like the story was different from what you expected when you started?
I didn't expect it to get so dark (not that was a bad thing, and I like reading dark or difficult topics). I knew that romance would be a major part of the story, but I also enjoyed the darker themes of the story. I liked the way you transitioned into darker themes, and I felt like I knew where the story was going, or if it would touch on a darker topic. I thought you did a good job of providing content warnings to readers, so if someone wanted to skip, they could.
5. What do you think of the darkness from chapter 6 until the end? Was the darkness too much, not much, present but not bad, present but bad? etc
I don't mind darker topics and have a pretty high tolerance for dark subject matter, so it wasn't too much for me as a reader. I thought you did a great job of touching on difficult themes and I think that it was tastefully done.
6. What are your predictions for S2? Feel free to answer everything else before attempting this
I'm not completely sure, but I'll just throw something out there. I think Athena and Curtis will go through a rocky time in their relationship. Maybe they'll break up? I'm not sure. At first, I was rooting for them as a couple, but as time goes on, I think I would like to see them not in a relationship and see how they grow individually, and maybe a reunion in the end, if they are still compatible.
I kind of hope that Kian goes on his own little self-discovery journey, maybe in looking for his father? Kian is growing on me as a favorite character. Grim currently holds the position as my favorite and Kian is coming in at second. Masato and Kirino are probably tied at third for me. I don't see Kian and Carly lasting. I've never been a big fan of Carly, but maybe it's because I just haven't connected with her character or don't know her character well enough.
Those are my general responses, and I wrote this up late at night, so I apologize if anything doesn't make sense. I'll answer the other questions throughout the week.
In my opinion Kian had more chemistry with Athena than with Carly. It was as though he started dating Carly because he couldn't have Athena. IDK.
Ooh, that's an interesting way to look at it. I did also think that Kian and Athena had chemistry, but I put a lid on that straight away because I knew it would be completely out of character for him to pursue her. So what you're saying about him getting together with Carly makes perfect sense.
Kian was always very protective of Athena to the point where it made me wonder if there's more to it. At the party it showed more than anywhere else. It's one thing to look after your best friend's girl and another to ignore your own girlfriend because of it.
I also suspected the author paired Kian with Carly for the sole purpose of him not to be a dating option for Athena when she lost her memory and/or when/if she breaks up with Curtis.
In my opinion Kian had more chemistry with Athena than with Carly. It was as though he started dating Carly because he couldn't have Athena. IDK.
Ooh, that's an interesting way to look at it. I did also think that Kian and Athena had chemistry, but I put a lid on that straight away because I knew it would be completely out of character for him to pursue her. So what you're saying about him getting together with Carly makes perfect sense.
Kian was always very protective of Athena to the point where it made me wonder if there's more to it. At the party it showed more than anywhere else. It's one thing to look after your best friend's girl and another to ignore your own girlfriend because of it.
I also suspected the author paired Kian with Carly for the sole purpose of him not to be a dating option for Athena when she lost her memory and/or when/if she breaks up with Curtis.
You might be on to something there!
Edit: Though now that I think about it, I wonder if it's projection to some degree. Curtis is clearly the strongest relationship in Kian's life. Could it be that he's involuntarily developed some kind of attraction to Athena not in spite of her being the "best friend's girl", but precisely because of it?
Kian was always very protective of Athena to the point where it made me wonder if there's more to it. At the party it showed more than anywhere else. It's one thing to look after your best friend's girl and another to ignore your own girlfriend because of it.
Yes that was done deliberately to hint at something.. But I will not say anything about it. (amg You caught it! Let me know when you created a vaccine for anti probes. I'm signing myself up, but maybe I don't want to because this is kinda fun.)
@lone_cat Thank you for putting up with my story from day 1. It feels great to know I'm improving and that it is visible! I'll be replying shortly but as to GoT, I've never read the books nor have I watched the show. But I've watched enough online clips to want to watch the ending and I agree with you on the white walker conclusion. I've been given an adept summary at that point enough to know how huge a role they play as the villians so I was eager to see their end and, well, I was less emotional invested so I simply had a raised eyebrow but my so was ranting probably as long as you were and then we checked out the netizen drama online.
I think for me the main overarching theme was about losing innocence, which happens to all of us as we grow up, but to a lesser degree than our mains here. You could see that progression in everyone, Athena and Curtis obviously being the obvious choices, but to a degree this was also shown for Kirino and Masato, even the Scorcher. Which, now that I think about it, does not bode well for Kian’s next arc
True! The concept of identity is completely fluid in my story I think the static characters in B2W S1 are the Ellis family.
Haha I think I may have said that, there were points in your story where I deliberately took a break, yes, but it’s nothing to do with too much action and/or thrill. I obviously had the luxury of getting to binge the story, but I didn’t want to burn through it too quickly, so I had to actively stop myself sometimes to avoid blasting through it too fast and missing things. Oh, and I specifically stopped after the lighthouse chapter because I had a feeling everything was going to go terribly wrong Some of the chapters were just really impactful (in a good way) or had mind-boggling revelations, so I wanted to take some time to digest them, but that’s really not a bad thing at all – just think of it as gorging on rich chocolate cake, you have to wait a while till you can have cake again afterwards, but that doesn’t matter you don’t like cake, on the contrary!
gotcha I completely misunderstood. Lol if I were you I’d stop at the lighthouse too. I’d probably dwell there for a bit because it’s such a nice mirage and checkpoint amidst all that happened while I get ready for more pain. And chocolate cake.. uhhh what are you doing to meee!
Picture Sequences: Did you prefer the speech text organised around the subject in the picture? Or placed at the bottom and color coded?
Colour-coded at the bottom is the easiest to follow for me, hands down. It’s very clear to make sense of that way.
Do you like this randomness of switching mediums?
Yes! I like it when writers experiment! I’m not gonna lie, I would probably be sad if you said that the entirety of season 2 will be a comic, because I would miss seeing what’s going on in their heads, but I do enjoy different styles being sprinkled in. Always fun to see what you come up with (and admirable how many different storytelling platforms you manage to pull off!)
At some point I tried to add more descriptions/elaboration of the setting and ambience than moving the story along. (Chapter 14.2 and 14.21) What do you think of the writing in these chapters compared to the rest of my writing? Do you have a preference? (If there’s no difference you can say that too. ) I can’t say that I noticed they had more descriptions at the time of reading them, but 14.21 did stand out to me, it was a treat to get a peak into Masato’s perspective, it really helped me understand the way he thinks, and this was also where we got to see a glimpse of the true Kirino for the first time. So I don’t know if the reason I enjoyed these chapters was the different writing style or the subjects. Either way, occasional introspective chapters are good since they help with fleshing out your characters, but of course it’s all about balance.
Noted. I won’t be doing comic style. It’s too tiring to do all the panelling and tbh I like huge pictures so I rather put up 100 pictures like I currently do. I also find that they don’t provide enough room for thoughts so I would probably continue in a mixed medium style. Thank you for being honest. Those were my first few attempts at actively trying to include narrative bits and I feel more encouraged to try again.
Not to mention that your screenshotting is one of the highlights of the story, the emotions you capture in your images are phenomenal.
I once took 5 hours (not kidding) just to get the right scene/mood/facial expression/setting right. I’m happy you think so Luckily I learnt to make poses after.
If you mean some of the more explicit scenes, no, I wouldn’t say it was too much or cringey. I do recall that when Curtis and Athena first kissed, you described how her body responded quite in-depth, which surprised me, but didn’t bother me – though I also recall that I was hoping that you weren’t going to go to that level of detail on the descriptions as their relationship progresses lol!
I have wondered about including it too and personally (because I’m a prude), I would’ve preferred not to include it. But I kept it in because many s*xual assault victims feel repulsed by touch/intimacy after. Athena was experiencing a version of that in 9.4 when she said ‘Don’t touch me!’ although that was directed at herself mostly, but its there. Hence, the explicit mention of her physical sensations was an important indicator of either her feelings towards Curtis or her mind reconnecting physical contact with positive emotions. :>
If there’s no purpose I won’t put in something explicit for the sake of it. I’m not interested in.. I think they’re called smut. XD
And then 16.5 I thought was very tastefully done, it’s not like we saw hanging bits or you launched into a full-blown description there (which for me would be cringey, yes), it was focusing much more on the feeling. So no issues there.
!
The only part I thought was on the cringey side was their conversation in the final chapter, but I wouldn’t call that romance, I would call that denial :P
Cringey because hard to believe? Or cringey because they were being corny? :P
Character
Athena is very determined when she wants something, which is both her biggest strength and weakness. She does not back down, often like a child that insists they need a particular toy – but that’s understandable, given her age, and it’s obviously helped her get through tough times.
I don’t think she particularly considers other people’s perspectives and motivations; she is very focused on her own view of the world. I wouldn’t go as far as to say self-centred, per say, but I feel like she has to actively try to empathise with others. But again, that’s to be expected, given that up until the events of B2W she lived a very sheltered life.
She will do anything for the people she cares about though. Too much, even, at her own detriment. I wonder if that will change now, given everything she’s been through, now that she’s realised she’s not invincible. Then again, maybe now that she has the tome, she thinks she is!
I don’t think there’s a single answer to this one. I almost see her at a crossroads right now, with several directions you could nudge her in, with one tiny gentle push. She is in a place where she can change for the better, or for the worse, and either would be believable. I’m pretty sure the untamed magic stuff will have an effect on her though, so I personally foresee the latter, but hey maybe she’ll surprise me!
Ahh I’m glad I conveyed her right, except that I would be a little harsher and say she’s self-centered. I don’t mean she’s selfish. If she knows of a loved one’s needs she will go out of her way to provide for it, but her focus is on self preservation.
Honestly, that moment for me was just a reminder of “oh yeah, she’s 16” (or was she 15 at that point? I know she turns 16 at some point in the story but can’t remember if it was before or after this chapter). So it was believable, but it goes back to what I said about her childish stubbornness. It felt like a realistic reminder of her age. I mean, he’s her first love, and she’s just been through some traumatising stuff she can’t bear to face alone in this chapter. Of course she’ll believe that.
Lol yeah she just turned 16. Her death day at the lighthouse was her 16th birthday if it helps makes things clearer.
This one is much more difficult for me to answer because I’m aware of my personal bias, so I know it’s much harder for me to objective here – so take what I say with a grain of salt.
I’m asking for personal opinions as much as objectivity so don’t worry about it.
I think he’s not as numb to the world as he’d like to be, he puts on this careful front he’s cultivated but his emotions ultimately rule him. He’s obviously grown quite desensitised to his environment as he’s had to, and when he’s confronted with what he contributes to, it doesn’t sit right with him, because he’d like to tell himself he’s the good guy, just on a quest for revenge, so when he actually gets a look in the mirror (whether that be circumstances, like the aftermath of 6.4, or Athena calling him out on what he fears to be in 10.5), he doesn’t like what he sees.
Fleshed out, yes. Realistic in the sense that I understand his motivations, yes. Realistic in the sense of if somebody went through what he did, they would still keep it together and not become completely deranged… probably not. But that’s why I love him.
He has Rue to thank for his compassion and sanity And his thirst for revenge to drive him after she’s gone.
Did you find it strange that he cared for Athena with his background staring at violence every day?
Not really, I mean he was subconsciously looking for something to ground him, someone to tell him he’s not completely lost to the world in spite of it all, something to give him a reason to go on once the Scorcher hunt was done, should he survive. Escapism is a natural response to high pressure situations. That, and Athena didn’t exactly give him a choice And he’s a teenage boy, a pretty girl that’s clearly into him and not a part of his world would obviously be very appealing.
Ahh! I see what you mean. That's true!
Is Masato a believable character?Does his character/personality, his motivations, and actions make sense to you? Is his love for Kirino surprising? Does his metaphoric speech make sense to you? Did the final reveal provide ample explanation of all the schemey scenes he was portrayed in throughout the story? Did everything make sense?
I didn’t really understand his motivations until later on in the story when we got to see things from his point of view, but that was obviously deliberate. I like how complex he is, and hope to see more of him in season 2.
His love of Kirino is not surprising, they had so much history and were of course forever bonded by the loss of their son. I did find his arch sufficiently explained, but I find him and Kirino fascinating so I wouldn’t mind a pre-quel/spinoff, and I definitely hope that this is not the last of what we’ve seen of him.
You’ll see him in S2! His story is not over
4.Is Kirino a believable character? Does her character, desires and actions (including final action) make sense to you?
Yes. I initially didn’t know what to make of her, but I really fell in love with her when we saw what was underneath her mask. She was one of my favourites, and it breaks my heart she’s gone, but her actions were not unexpected.
Was her ‘flashback’ chapter believable?
Yes. My favourite chapter in the whole story.
Do you think she loves Masato (at the end)?
Oh, that’s a loaded question. Hmm… I’m not sure if she had much room for anything other than pain in her heart at the end. In a way, she did probably did still love him to some degree, though I’d imagine she didn’t want to.
Were Masato and Kirino’s complicated relationship believable?
Yes. I wish we got more of them, but just the little snippets we did painted a very rich picture.
I don’t think I can say anything else except I’m happy you like her and her features
Is Scorcher a believable character? Does his character, desires and actions make sense to you? (I think I gave him a monologue and two lines of dialogue explaining his perspective on life lol)
Hmm I don’t know if we know enough about him to dissect him as a character. We obviously know he’s suffered a personal tragedy that’s made him snap and take pleasure in the pain of others to avoid his own, but I can’t say I can analyse what makes him tick That being said I don’t feel like that a higher level of deeper understanding was needed for him.
That is true. There isn't much to go on to explain his entire character but I'm glad the bits that were portrayed provided some sort of an explanation.
What do you think about Kian? Then Carly?
I love Kian! He brought much needed light to the story, which I guess was his primary function. I adore that he says it how it is and sassy sense of humour. No wonder he was popular with the ladies at school.
I'm honestly so surprised at his genuine likability. I was very worried (for nothing apparently) at the beginning as I fleshed out his character that Kian will be disliked given his loud laissez-faire brash attitude
Carly I wasn’t too keen on, though to my surprise I didn’t mind her with Kian in the finale, they seemed well suited. That being said I won’t be mad if someone better comes along for him. Though I feel like where he’s going it will be a lot less dating and a lot more danger.
8. What do you think/feel about Dew?
I actually really liked Dew ever since she was introduced – by that I don’t mean the chapter where her drink got spiked, but the chapter where she actually got dialogue - 10.5, I think? She obviously holds no illusions of the world in spite of her young age, and doesn’t mince her words, but there’s a lot of truth behind what she says. I hope she’s back for season 2!
9. What do you think about Grim?
Grim was hilarious, in spite of his story being sad, and I loved the genuine bond he developed with Athena, even though that was ultimately his undoing (I see what you did there!). He was a fantastic vehicle to explain the lore of the magic realm, and the revelation about his true identity was a cherry on top, I did not see that coming!
Aw Thank you for all your answers I had fun reading them all and sorry I can’t reply some of them because they are direct spoilers but this isn’t the last time you’ve seen… any of them. (Except the ones we've lost.)
- What did you think about the comic strip ch. 6.4? Did it adequately summarise Curtis's role? Were there any plot holes? Any thoughts on its delivery?
I think I have written it already in the comments. It is well done.
- What do you think of Athena and Curtis's Not-date scene at the promenade?
I think it was kinda cute. I'm not a fan of throwing food, tho XD
- What do you think of the progression of Athena and Curtis’s relationship from strangers to lovers?
- Did it flow realistically? Did any parts feel forced or too fast?
- Their romance was never intended to be ‘pure’, even if it started out that way. Did you catch it as a reader? Did you realise at any point a shift beginning to happen? Where? Did you catch yourself responding to it?
- How would you describe their romance/relationship?
I always had the feeling it came more from her side than from his.
At first she may have been just curious, and then thought herself into having a crush (idk if that makes sense, like, you keep thinking about someone more and more, until you feel like you have a crush on them), and then stubborn enough to pursue a relationship bc he was so different than anyone she knew (also, let's be honest, someone that risks their life for you will always be somehow attractive, even if it was just out of plain human decency )
He on the other side, seemed very passive, and it feels he rather dated her bc she was pursuing him. Then she's cute, has courage, and is always supportive about him. What's not to like here?
The whole relationship feels more like one out of convenience and curiosity, but what exactly it is worth, will probably only be shown in S2.
So far they had almost zero time spending as a couple, and when they finally had towards the end, the real problem surfaced.
They don't understand each other.
Athena wants him to leave his world and live a normal life, but he doesn't want to (or he would have done that long time ago), and he is still longing for that always supportive, always sweet girl she once was.
I know in the last chapter they had a talk, but that is not enough. I also don't think Curtis giving up his life for Athena will work. He needs to want it by himself. And I doubt Athena understands fully what it means to have a criminal mindset (bc that's what Curtis has, he was raised like that)
- Grim's explanation of the cycle of life/death: Do you have any pressing questions? What else would you have liked to know?
Tbh I have trouble remembering it. Also, I am probably a minority, but I care very little about world lore xD I'm more interested in current happenings and character development.
- What do you think of Curtis's neighborhood shown from Athena's perspective? Was it believable? Did it make you respond in any way? (thoughts or feelings) Was it effective in its delivery of mood/message/setting? Did it make what comes after (Mercy) believable/possible?
I'm glad it wasn't romanticized, including the people that live in it. I think I have mentioned my oppinion on it a few times already
- What is your view on ‘Mercy’ chapters (Assault)? Were they handled appropriately? Can they be handled better? Did they deter you from reading further? Did they change your impression of the story? Were you expecting them?
I was shook. I didn't expect to see this happening for real. Also I think it was well handled.
- What is your view on ‘Memories’ chapter (Curtis)? Were they handled appropriately? Were they portrayed realistically? Were they and the characters portrayed believable? Were the scenes portrayed, haunting enough for Curtis to revolve his entire life around revenge and locking Scorcher away?
These chapters made me really, really sad. I think the only ray of light was Rue, and I think she may be the most unrealistic part of it!
Sadly the things that happen in the real world, are often much, much worse than what we see in fiction.
- There is a darkness that looms over chapters 14.4, 16.4 and 16.5. Was the mood obvious to you or too subtle? Did it affect these chapters and your desire to read them?
14.3 & 4. were def some of my favourite chapters. I love genius and smart villains, and Masato is someone I fear and respect a lot!
16.4/5. It was dirty. I can't find any other words for it. I really enjoyed the pictures and the narrative though. In a way, Curt's possessiveness makes perfect sense if you look where he comes from, and what he thinks he may lose.
The more I think about it, the more I like what you wrote there. Ahhhh, all that potential for character development, or- destruction
What do you think of Avery's revelation/Athena losing her memory in Chapters 15.1 - 15.4. How was the pacing? Did it feel realistic? Did any feel forced? What do you think of Avery's backstory? Was it believable that Athena didn't realise what she was doing?
Finally there was the magic that I was always looking for in this story! jk. But it was very entertaining. I love the hints that Athena may subdue to the power that was given to her eventually.
- What do you think of the NSFW poem chapter? Was the poem hard to decipher? Did the pictures make the process tougher? Was it a cringe chapter?
I did like the poem. Now it may be a language barrier, but I couldn't really apply it much to the pictures. the summary at the end helped.
No, I didn't think it was cringy.
Did all of these scenarios make sense to you? Were they believable?
- Curtis kept in the dark about his identity
why do you even ask? No sane abuser in his right mind would tell him he's the son of the CIA boss
- Curtis having his own home
well I guess the other option would be to be some of his gang member's room mate? I guess he made enough money to be able to afford it tho.
- Curtis being able to survive despite his lifestyle at such a young age
He had a tough training, possibly with a lot of brain washing. Some people may have lived through worse.
- Curtis’s complete out of character aggression, manipulation and exploitation of Athena at Trevor’s house
If you think more about it, it actually wasn't out of character. Look at his training, his upbringing, the role models he had. He may have some natural goodness in him, something he learned from Rue, and he's able to form genuine affection. He found Athena, and she became very precious to him, now that he feels threatened to lose her, he can only react according to what he has learned, fight for her with claws and teeth. I think it that moment he is not able to see that he trespasses a boundary he never should.
In CH17 you hinted that he felt something was wrong there, but if he can truly change, only time can tell.
- Athena’s complete out of character aggression, loosened and unhinged behavior at Trevor’s house
It may have been the bigger break between the chapters when I read them, but I was confused at first. It makes more sense once you think what she has lost.
- Trevor’s fixation on Athena
One always wants what's hard to get, huh?
@Maladi777 Oooh you didn't disappoint at all! I hope this all makes sense!
1. What are Athena's strengths and weaknesses? What do you think of Athena’s Character progression/development? How would you describe her?
- Is her character realistic? Is she adequately fleshed out for reader understanding?
- Any bits of her that you find confusing?
- What kind of person do you think she has become at the end of this story? What kind of person do you predict her to be in B2W?
- She insists that Curtis is relatable and her soulmate at the lighthouse scene. Did you find her insistence of them being made for each other believable? Do you have a theory why she thinks so? (I’ve never elaborated on this)
First of all I have to admit I couldn't help but compare Athena to one of my characters constantly as I was reading. She's a red head too after all. And of course whenever I found something about Athena's behavior and its believability I asked myself at the same time if I don't do the same when I write Kellie. If I found similarities I'd slap my hand not to criticize.
Is Athena's character realistic? How can one answer that? She has magical powers so that itself makes her unrealistic from the start. There's one problem with characters who have superpowers - the writer can always use the superpower/magic as a crutch, an easy explanation of any behavior or event. There needs to be balance for this to work. There must be rules, laws of the magic if you will that ensure this balance. I hesitate to make any judgements here as I'm super sensitive when it comes to characters that can do things a normal person shouldn't be capable of. Then again I myself walk a thin line with one of my own, so it's terribly difficult to give an objective opinion.
I could call Athenna reckless and then you could argue that she had confidence that she'd be able to defend herself with her magic. So what she is like when we take away the magic? Clearly someone who has uncontrollable desire to help and fix things and people. In that regard she is believable. Still a naive teenager, who believes she can fix anything by sheer force of her will and persistence. We saw her do some self-reflection at the end of the season and I think she should do more. She should look back and ask herself if all the pain was worth pursuing the man who is torn between two worlds and after all that happened isn't any closer to making a decision in which of those two worlds he wants to belong 100% I'm hoping she will make a serious attempt to extricate herself from that relationship. But given her bad luck she'll most likely end up in another unhealthy relationship. I didn't think about why she thinks she and Curtis were made for each other. Isn't it something people always think when they fall in love for the first time? That this is the perfect love that must surely last forever no matter what everyone else says?
Whaaat? Kellie is heaps more mature and level-headed okay. That’s like comparing a headless chicken to a zenmaster. You need to level the playing field and give Kellie someone of her calibre to do a comparison with.
For Athena, we can still dissect if her character is realistic or not from a personality point of view. Athena’s magic is simply one aspect to complicate her character, just like her celebrity status, product/victim of bullying and s*xual trauma. The origin or reasons to why she acquired a particular personality trait may be unrealistic, but how it affects the character is still valid. (I.e. your reasoning for her recklessness is solid because you’re right -- magic could’ve given her an over-inflated sense of security, which could’ve drove her to be as reckless as she was in Ch 8.4 and 9.1.) Maybe I could’ve reworded this question better but I’m not sure how. To clear things up, I was simply trying to see if I’ve portrayed a teenager with parent, reputation, self-esteem, and s*xual trauma issues adequately and responsibly while letting her own personality shine.
Yup, there are rules that govern the magic in B2W universe. And I think you can guess some of the limits, drawbacks, consequences and counterbalances of Magic and how it affects the laws of their world. But this is a question I would probably ask at the end of S2 than now. You are free to let me know what you think of the lore so far. Though there’s so little of it at this point
Omg and I love love love that you pointed out the reason for my title! Between Two Worlds is exactly that -- a bunch of sims stuck between two worlds. I think the only person not stuck between 2 worlds is Jules. He’s trying to get rid of the other world.
2. What are Curtis's strength and weaknesses? What do you think of Curtis’s Character progression/development? How would you describe him?
- Is he realistic and adequately fleshed out for reader understanding?
- Did you find it strange that he cared for Athena with his background staring at violence every day?
With Curtis I have the same problem as with Athena. She has magic and Curtis is portrayed as a prodigy. Whenever you question something he does, you need to take this into account. His weakness is definitely the fact that he's not able to face the truth about himself. He keeps deluding himself he can quit anytime he wants and live anormal life, be a better man. Scratch that. He believes he is better man than the rest he's working with. Even after he killed a man he still believes it. What he doesn't realize is that even the worst criminals often think themselves good people. Someone needs to hold the mirror up to him. I kind of wish Kian does it at some point.
With Curtis I’d present the same stance as Athena, he may be a HPI, but he is also a product of his circumstance. We can still dissect his character and see if the author has portrayed the effects of his upbringing, trauma and social background enough for his character to seem realistic. Maybe I’ve used the wrong words. :>
5.Were Masato and Kirino’s complicated relationship believable?
Yes. It was tragic and beautiful. Definitely one of the highlights of this story.
I’m so glad you like Kirino and Masato
6.Is Scorcher a believable character? Does his character, desires and actions make sense to you? (I think I gave him a monologue and two lines of dialogue explaining his perspective on life lol)
I have mixed feelings about him. I can (and can't at the same time) understand why he took his anger on the son of the man who betrayed them. But why did he hurt others? The woman who Curtis lived with for instance. (Apologies for not remembering the names of all side characters) Did he lose his mind? Why didn't he hurt Masato too then? I may have forgot or missed some key hints about his characters, I admit.
Ahh totally understand. I didn’t give him much screen time at all so I’m pretty sure he’s a confusing character for everyone.
Scorcher is not a completely insane character, but he’s still deranged. Rue and Curtis are replacements for his dead wife and child. From them, he demands love/acceptance but Rue is not his wife and extremely strong in character while Curtis is, well, his enemy’s son. Scorcher flits between providing for and punishing them for not being his ‘true family’. Scorcher and Masato’s brotherhood have always been strong. In that sense, Masato is considered ‘family’ which casts a fragile layer of protection over Kirino. (Hence why he has no qualms of hitting her.) The rest of the world can burn in hell. (p.s. Scorcher's wife is in the photo of 14.2 which might explain why he wanted Rue.)
7. What do you think about Kian? Then Carly?
I like Kian and his warm and friendly character. Curtis has a better friend in him than he deserves in my opinion. I'm afraid I don't care much for Carly yet. I wondered why you paired them up. Again, maybe I'm missing something, but I simply didn't feel any chemistry between those two characters. To me it felt like one moment they weren't a couple and next they were. In my opinion Kian had more chemistry with Athena than with Carly. It was as though he started dating Carly because he couldn't have Athena. IDK.
This is content for S2
9. What do you think about Grim?
What can I say? I'm glad I wasn't wrong and that he is who he is. I only wish he stopped playing a match maker. That doesn't suit him. I don't want him to be a friendly grandpa, if you know what I mean. Now that you revealed that he was manipulative, I'd like to see his character become something more powerful and sinister. Wishful thinking, yeah.
Maybe
Thank you for your replies! I hope mine shed some light too! Let me know if anything doesn’t make sense.
@DeafSimmer Hiya thanks for asking. I'm doing questions and reflection for B2W this week but next week I fully expect myself to return to Yanzi's story. For B2W Season 2, it will take a much longer time to tie my story together so I won't be writing down anything for B2W for the next month or so. It will be worked on in the background as I focus on Yanzi instead
There are definitely times when I’ve questioned my story and writing. The concept of ‘free’ writing was lost to me when I first started and I had a rigid thinking pattern assuming there’s a formula, guideline, threshold, limit or structure one must follow. (I’m in a technical field haha) Hence why I was worried about the ‘darkness’ in my story but from yours and everyone’s replies, I realised that this question ultimately is a reflection of my worries on whether I’ve crossed a (imaginary) line per se. This sharing has been incredibly helpful and definitely opening my eyes to story writing as a free art and that I’m allowed give rein to creativity and freedom of expression.
Also:
How do you feel about the ending?
To me, it was more like a transition into the next story. There were a lot of loose ends (not to say that is bad, some loose ends can be okay, and I think that real-life situations don't always get neatly resolved). I think I would have liked Athena and Curtis to break up instead of just be left in this relationship limbo (maybe I just like solid conclusions for romance stories). I thought the Grim story arc, came to a good conclusion, and I enjoyed that. I was curious about Athena's mom and brother, and what happened there.
You're right, it is a transition I think I’ve expressed to you in the comments how I was choosing between three different endings. I was torn between two in particular. One had a solid conclusion, utilised the story elements better (memory loss) and would equally be able to transition into the next season smoothly. I didn’t choose that obviously. The current ending for B2W is open to interpretation, made certain story elements seem irrelevant and definitely had AC leave a bad taste with everyone. Sorry about that S2 will definitely have solid conclusions because that will be the finale. I won’t make a S3.
I’m glad Grim is a favourite He’s such a sweetheart in his own way. I’m surprised (very pleasant) to see Masato and Kirino on your list too. Thank you for your feedback and your sharing. I truly appreciate it
I always had the feeling it came more from her side than from his.
At first she may have been just curious, and then thought herself into having a crush (idk if that makes sense, like, you keep thinking about someone more and more, until you feel like you have a crush on them), and then stubborn enough to pursue a relationship bc he was so different than anyone she knew (also, let's be honest, someone that risks their life for you will always be somehow attractive, even if it was just out of plain human decency )
He on the other side, seemed very passive, and it feels he rather dated her bc she was pursuing him. Then she's cute, has courage, and is always supportive about him. What's not to like here?
The whole relationship feels more like one out of convenience and curiosity, but what exactly it is worth, will probably only be shown in S2.
So far they had almost zero time spending as a couple, and when they finally had towards the end, the real problem surfaced.
They don't understand each other.
Athena wants him to leave his world and live a normal life, but he doesn't want to (or he would have done that long time ago), and he is still longing for that always supportive, always sweet girl she once was.
I know in the last chapter they had a talk, but that is not enough. I also don't think Curtis giving up his life for Athena will work. He needs to want it by himself. And I doubt Athena understands fully what it means to have a criminal mindset (bc that's what Curtis has, he was raised like that)
I see where you’re coming from. So much perspective has been given from Athena’s point of view. For Curtis, we’re forced to make a decision on the rare times that his pov is featured and the rest from his actions. Is what is shown enough to show his feelings for her? Is he pushing her away for her or his benefit? Are there deeper feelings behind his actions? Do those feelings match hers in strength and meaning?
I think I’ve explained the hidden nuances (well it’s not really hidden or nuance but I’m not sure what to call it) in the final chapter. So I don’t want to bore you again here
14.3 & 4. were def some of my favourite chapters. I love genius and smart villains, and Masato is someone I fear and respect a lot!
16.4/5. It was dirty. I can't find any other words for it. I really enjoyed the pictures and the narrative though. In a way, Curt's possessiveness makes perfect sense if you look where he comes from, and what he thinks he may lose.
The more I think about it, the more I like what you wrote there. Ahhhh, all that potential for character development, or- destruction
I’ve said this and I’ll say it again. Thank you so much for calling out the chapter as it is -- dirty is the perfect word. In fact, I’m considering renaming the chapter to it. Possession is good but dirty is perfect.
I did like the poem. Now it may be a language barrier, but I couldn't really apply it much to the pictures. the summary at the end helped. No, I didn't think it was cringy.
Ah my bad. The poem is the meaning of their actions in the pictures. If Athena and Curtis were to stop all movement and had to express themselves through dialogue, that would be what they say to each other in those moments (maybe not as poetically but you know ). Instead, they didn’t and went along with their plans. So my reason for pairing the poem and pictures together was to imply that even though no words were spoken, the poem was the true meaning behind their kisses -- a goodbye to who they once were (Yimi’s interpretation), an expression of pain and loss (Plumbob’s), or something much deeper (lone_cat’s) etc. (I’m crediting the idea to the owner because they aren't mine and there’s no right or wrong. In fact everything is pretty much spot on because there’s so many ways to view this chapter.)
If you think more about it, it actually wasn't out of character. Look at his training, his upbringing, the role models he had. He may have some natural goodness in him, something he learned from Rue, and he's able to form genuine affection. He found Athena, and she became very precious to him, now that he feels threatened to lose her, he can only react according to what he has learned, fight for her with claws and teeth. I think it that moment he is not able to see that he trespasses a boundary he never should.
In CH17 you hinted that he felt something was wrong there, but if he can truly change, only time can tell.
Here is a cookie That was beautiful to read.
Thank you so much. I didn’t reply everything but that’s because they were valuable feedback which were clear and everything was immensely helpful. :>
There are definitely times when I’ve questioned my story and writing. The concept of ‘free’ writing was lost to me when I first started and I had a rigid thinking pattern assuming there’s a formula, guideline, threshold, limit or structure one must follow. (I’m in a technical field haha) Hence why I was worried about the ‘darkness’ in my story but from yours and everyone’s replies, I realised that this question ultimately is a reflection of my worries on whether I’ve crossed a (imaginary) line per se. This sharing has been incredibly helpful and definitely opening my eyes to story writing as a free art and that I’m allowed give rein to creativity and freedom of expression.
Also:
How do you feel about the ending?
To me, it was more like a transition into the next story. There were a lot of loose ends (not to say that is bad, some loose ends can be okay, and I think that real-life situations don't always get neatly resolved). I think I would have liked Athena and Curtis to break up instead of just be left in this relationship limbo (maybe I just like solid conclusions for romance stories). I thought the Grim story arc, came to a good conclusion, and I enjoyed that. I was curious about Athena's mom and brother, and what happened there.
You're right, it is a transition I think I’ve expressed to you in the comments how I was choosing between three different endings. I was torn between two in particular. One had a solid conclusion, utilised the story elements better (memory loss) and would equally be able to transition into the next season smoothly. I didn’t choose that obviously. The current ending for B2W is open to interpretation, made certain story elements seem irrelevant and definitely had AC leave a bad taste with everyone. Sorry about that S2 will definitely have solid conclusions because that will be the finale. I won’t make a S3.
I’m glad Grim is a favourite He’s such a sweetheart in his own way. I’m surprised (very pleasant) to see Masato and Kirino on your list too. Thank you for your feedback and your sharing. I truly appreciate it
I get that. I come from a hard science-based background, and I have never taken a creative writing class. The way I was taught to write was very objective and always followed a rigid format with certain parts. But I've always been a creative person with a very active imagination, so creative writing is a fun way to destress. I admit, I do a lot of reading about plotting, character building, and creative writing since I don't have any formal background in it. I don't try to follow a set guideline though, that just takes the fun out of writing for me. I never make outlines, I just write and sort of intuitively figure out how I want my story to progress. I know that doesn't work for everyone, and I question my writing all the time. This is just coming from my own process, and I am by no means an expert on writing. And sharing your work is a very vulnerable thing to do, especially darker topics (which I think you handled well in your story). So, I have a lot of respect for you in sharing your story.
I am going to do my best to answer everything. It’s been a while since I read some of the chapters, and I tried to skim over chapters as best as I could to answer these questions. I have a really terrible memory for specific details and I’m one of those people that takes away a big picture and feeling from a story, more than details. So, take my answers with a grain of salt. Anyway, I will try to get through the rest of the questions throughout the week. I'm kind of slow in answering these.
Story
What did you think about the comic strip ch. 6.4? Did it adequately summarise Curtis's role? Were there any plot holes? Any thoughts on its delivery?
I don’t read a lot of comics, but I thought it was easy to follow. I might have had to read a few thought bubbles over, but overall, I think it was easy to follow. I did have to go back because I didn’t realize there were multiple pages, lol. That was my bad. I thought it was excellently done, I loved the insight into Curtis’s involvement in the criminal underworld. The poses were great and conveyed the scene very well. - What do you think of Athena and Curtis's Not-date scene at the promenade?
I thought it was a nice lighter chapter. If I remember correctly, it was the first time that Athena and Curtis shared a sort of romantic connection with one another and I thought it was a nice change from all the hardship they were facing. - What do you think of the progression of Athena and Curtis’s relationship from strangers to lovers?
- Did it flow realistically? Did any parts feel forced or too fast?
- Their romance was never intended to be ‘pure’, even if it started out that way. Did you catch it as a reader? Did you realise at any point a shift beginning to happen? Where? Did you catch yourself responding to it?
I got the feeling from the very beginning that they were going to be lovers, so I expected it. I think Athena is very naïve about the whole relationship though. Like she wants to ‘save’ Curtis or change him. And Curtis is set in his ways and secretive.
I do think the scene after Athena almost dying in the graveyard showed a shift in Curtis’s personality. He became a little pushy, and this caused Athena to have a flashback to the Mercy chapter. I don’t think he intended this at all. He wasn’t doing it in a malicious way, but he was being a little overbearing. I think both characters are young and inexperienced and are testing the waters in this relationship. Also, they’ve had a lot bad stuff happen that is really testing their limits. Also, he was a little pushy at the end and kind of took advantage of Athena when she was intoxicated.
- How would you describe their romance/relationship?
I’d also call it a teenage love story (they are teenagers after all, lol) with two people that come from very different backgrounds. I think Athena puts a little too much stock in the power of love and maybe doesn’t have a clear vision on how to achieve that goal. They are both very young, and I think this is portrayed really well and explains a lot of why they do the things they do. - Grim's explanation of the cycle of life/death: Do you have any pressing questions? What else would you have liked to know?
I actually don’t remember what he said, and now I am going to have to go back and read that chapter. - What do you think of Curtis's neighborhood shown from Athena's perspective? Was it believable? Did it make you respond in any way? (thoughts or feelings) Was it effective in its delivery of mood/message/setting? Did it make what comes after (Mercy) believable/possible?
I think it was well done. I think it was a major shock to her to see what was happening, and I think this was conveyed well through the pictures and writing. And also, her innocence is being taken away, in more ways than one. - What is your view on ‘Mercy’ chapters (Assault)? Were they handled appropriately? Can they be handled better? Did they deter you from reading further? Did they change your impression of the story? Were you expecting them?
I did see the transition, so I expected something bad to happen. I think they were handled appropriately, and you gave a content warning. - What is your view on ‘Memories’ chapter (Curtis)? Were they handled appropriately? Were they portrayed realistically? Were they and the characters portrayed believable? Were the scenes portrayed, haunting enough for Curtis to revolve his entire life around revenge and locking Scorcher away?
I think this was portrayed realistically. His mother figure was continually abused and then killed by Scorcher, and I think that would be enough motivation for Curtis. - There is a darkness that looms over chapters 14.4, 16.4 and 16.5. Was the mood obvious to you or too subtle? Did it affect these chapters and your desire to read them?
I think it was obvious, especially in 16.5. That’s where I got a little confused with the poem, because I interpreted the darker themes, and saw a lot about death and betrayal. So yes, I definitely picked up on the darkness. What do you think of Avery's revelation/Athena losing her memory in Chapters 15.1 - 15.4. How was the pacing? Did it feel realistic? Did any feel forced? What do you think of Avery's backstory? Was it believable that Athena didn't realise what she was doing?
I enjoyed this revelation, but it also opened up some new questions and now I really want to know who the hooded figure was. I thought it felt realistic as it could, being that magic was involved. Yes, I think Avery wanted to hide that from Athena to protect her. - What do you think of the NSFW poem chapter? Was the poem hard to decipher? Did the pictures make the process tougher? Was it a cringe chapter?
I admit, I am not the best at deciphering poems. I usually can see a whole bunch of possible meanings to something, but what the author wants to convey might not be in my interpretation. I constantly have to look up song lyrics, because I’m like, what does this song actually mean, instead of what I think it means. I think I talked about that in my comments, and your description of what was going on helped me understand it. I didn’t think it was cringey, and I liked the darkness to it. Did all of these scenarios make sense to you? Were they believable?
- Curtis kept in the dark about his identity
Yes, it was used as a way to manipulate him, so it made sense. - Curtis having his own home
I’m guessing he makes pretty good money from working with Masato, so he could afford his own place. - Curtis being able to survive despite his lifestyle at such a young age
I think it makes sense because Masato and Kirino took him under their wing. - Curtis’s complete out of character aggression, manipulation and exploitation of Athena at Trevor’s house
Yes, I think it makes sense. Curtis just had a confrontation and almost died, with Scorcher, so he’s probably pretty shaken up and emotional. Plus, he walks in and finds Athena with another guy and she doesn’t remember Curtis, so I think it makes a lot of sense. He is taking his claim over Athena. - Athena’s complete out of character aggression, loosened and unhinged behavior at Trevor’s house
Yes. She was upset about her mother hiding things from her, and I think she’s a teenager and she gave into peer pressure. Plus, Trevor was taking advantage of this. - Trevor’s fixation on Athena
He seems like the type of guy that likes a challenge, and Athena is just that. So I definitly see this. Plus, some random guy just walked into his house all bruised up and is trying to get with Athena, so I think it explains his fixation on the situation as a whole.
These are the last of the questions. Hope they make sense and are helpful.
- Were there any themes that stood out for you in this story? How do you think I handled them?
I think teenage self-discovery was a major theme. Young love, loss of innocence, loss of a loved one. I think the themes were handled well. - What do you think of my balancing action/non-action scenes, thrill/non-thrill? Were you able to wind down before the next one, or is the story's arrangement fine with you? Some have told me they needed to take a break from the story because it was so uh full on(?). How was it for you?
I thought there was a good balance.
I tend to take breaks in stories anyway, but I found if I went too long between reading, I would forget certain plot points, especially with the criminal underground or with the Grim storyline. I almost feel like I should reread it again, now that it is finished, because I think I may have missed things. A few of the chapters were very impactful, so I did have to take a short break after reading to process what I had read, but this isn't a bad thing, it just means that certain chapters were thought-provoking. - There’s a shift in my writing style/length between chapter 1-5 and the rest of the story. I also experimented with different mediums. What do you think of:
• The comic strip? Was its organisation easy to follow? Were the Speech bubbles clear who’s talking and who’s next?
It was easy to follow. I may have gotten lost a couple of times, but it was easy to go back and figure out who was talking. • Picture Sequences: Did you prefer the speech text organised around the subject in the picture? Or placed at the bottom and color coded?
I think the color coding was easiest to follow. Though, I did like the lighthouse scene with the speech text. • Do you like this randomness of switching mediums?
I’m kind of old fashioned and liked the chapters with just pictures and text separate. • At some point I tried to add more descriptions/elaboration of the setting and ambience than moving the story along. (Chapter 14.2 and 14.21) What do you think of the writing in these chapters compared to the rest of my writing? Do you have a preference? (If there’s no difference you can say that too. )
I do like the descriptions; it made the reading much more immersive. And it was good to get slower chapters. I think that it helped with the pacing of the overall story. - I overly rely on pictures to describe the setting than write it out. Does this style work for you?
I think it works well, and I don’t feel like there are too many pictures. It’s simlit, so pictures should be the focal point, and I think it works well. Your poses convey a lot of emotion and your editing also helps to convey a lot of unspoken dialogue. - Romance is hard to write and personal. There are some scenes and pictures that were too much for me in the story, but I’m a conservative person. How were they for you? Were any of them cringey? If yes, which one? so I can work on those. And do you have suggestions?
I didn’t see anything overly cringey. I thought all the romance scenes were tasteful and I didn’t feel uncomfortable at all. I agree with the romance part being personal. Romance is hard to write, and what is overly cringey for one person might not be for another.
1. What are Athena's strengths and weaknesses? What do you think of Athena’s Character progression/development? How would you describe her?
I would say she is stubborn, and naïve. She wants to do what’s right, but sometimes she goes ahead without thinking things through and this gets her into trouble. She also doesn't take advice from others very well, and kind of has an attitude that she knows best. This could also be because she is a teenager, and thinks she knows better and doesn't want to take advice from her elders. - Is her character realistic? Is she adequately fleshed out for reader understanding?
Yes, I think so. - Any bits of her that you find confusing?
None that I can think of. - What kind of person do you think she has become at the end of this story? What kind of person do you predict her to be in B2W?
I don't know for certain, but I'll just throw out some of my thoughts.
I think she will use the book for her own gain, and this will have a lot of negative consequences, what, I'm not sure. That's the only prediction I will make because I just want to read and be surprised. I could see her having many different outcomes depending on the choices she makes. - She insists that Curtis is relatable and her soulmate at the lighthouse scene. Did you find her insistence of them being made for each other believable? Do you have a theory why she thinks so? (I’ve never elaborated on this)
I don’t really know if it’s believable to me personally. While I’m a romantic, I also don’t completely jump on board with the whole soulmate thing. But Athena as a character believes in soulmates, and I think that it fits with her character. I did like the lighthouse scene and I think it was the first time that we really got to see how each one feels about the other. I don't really have any theories, other than maybe it has something to do with Athena being a spellcaster? Not sure. 2. What are Curtis's strength and weaknesses? What do you think of Curtis’s Character progression/development? How would you describe him?
I think he is a little bit of a loner. He also takes on too much and doesn't ask for help. He tries to protect people by being secretive and in a way thinks he knows best. He became very protective of Athena in the end, which I understand from his past. - Is he realistic and adequately fleshed out for reader understanding?
Yes, I think so. - Did you find it strange that he cared for Athena with his background staring at violence every day?
I don’t find it strange at all. He is human, and is capable of feeling a range of emotions regardless of violence. I don't think he is as desensitized to his lifestyle as he lets on. I think maybe he admires and even envies Athena's innocence and her way of looking at life, and this might be one of the many reasons he wants to protect her. I know I did a lot of explaining of Masato and Kirino’s character in the comments. But without the comments and purely relying on story:
3.Is Masato a believable character?Does his character/personality, his motivations, and actions make sense to you? Is his love for Kirino surprising? Does his metaphoric speech make sense to you? Did the final reveal provide ample explanation of all the schemey scenes he was portrayed in throughout the story? Did everything make sense?
Yes, I really liked his character. I don't have a very thorough answer because I have forgotten a lot of what he said, but I wasn't confused by any of the scenes. He was a very morally grey character to me, so I enjoyed learning about him and also seeing a softer side to him toward the end. 4.Is Kirino a believable character? Does her character, desires and actions (including final action ) make sense to you?
- Did her scene at the end come as a complete surprise? Were there enough clues given throughout the story for you to find her condition at the end believable/acceptable?
- Was her ‘flashback’ chapter believable?
- Do you think she loves Masato (at the end)?
This is a hard one to answer. I think she cares for him, yes, but I think she’s been in a very depressed state and that has kind of taken over her life and she’s probably just going through the motions at this point. I do think that she felt like she wasn’t in control of anything, and this was really her only means of taking back control. I don’t think it was a surprise, people can hide their true thoughts and feelings and Kirino kept a lot of things bottled up. We also didn’t really get a good look at her personality and motivations until later, so this was believable when we learned more about her. 5.Were Masato and Kirino’s complicated relationship believable?
Yes, I think so. They worked together and at one time, seemed happy together, but due to the nature of their work and the loss of their child, this sort of drove them apart. It was really complex, and I enjoyed learning about both of these characters. 6.Is Scorcher a believable character? Does his character, desires and actions make sense to you? (I think I gave him a monologue and two lines of dialogue explaining his perspective on life lol)
I don’t really remember his motivations, I just remember him being a really nasty person. I’m sure he had reasons for what he did. Like control and feeling superior. 7. What do you think about Kian? Then Carly?
I like Kian. He’s a good guy, and truly cares about Athena and Curtis. I didn’t really like Carly from the beginning. She’s kind of bossy, and I really don’t know what Kian sees in her. I don’t really think the two of them will last. Kian doesn’t seem as invested in the relationship as Carly does. 8. What do you think/feel about Dew?
I think Dew is well portrayed, she’s kind of rough around the edges, but I imagine her lifestyle has made her that way. And she tells it like she sees it, and I think it is good to have characters that can dole out some tough love. 9. What do you think about Grim?
I loved Grim in this. He was such a cool character. And I completely didn’t see the twist. Now I will have to go back and reread this and look for clues that I missed.
- Were there any themes that stood out for you in this story? How do you think I handled them?
this story had quite a few themes. coming of age, finding yourself, but also serious themes like crime, manipulation and trauma. I think they were all handled appropriately. - What do you think of my balancing action/non-action scenes, thrill/non-thrill? Were you able to wind down before the next one, or is the story's arrangement fine with you? Some have told me they needed to take a break from the story because it was so uh full on(?). How was it for you?
I think it was fine. I didn't read it in one go (didn't had the time), but I like it when a story is dense and has multiple layers and lots of actions. - There’s a shift in my writing style/length between chapter 1-5 and the rest of the story. I also experimented with different mediums. What do you think of:
The comic strip? Was its organisation easy to follow? Were the Speech bubbles clear who’s talking and who’s next?
I think I have commented that I think the comic is very well done. Picture Sequences: Did you prefer the speech text organised around the subject in the picture? Or placed at the bottom and color coded?
I am not sure. Aesthetically it's prettier to have the text at the bottom. But I usually struggle a little to connect text and speaker, so a (Name):(text) would be helpful for me when the text is at the bottom, but that also interrupts the reading flow, so I guess everything would be semi-optimal xD still I like this style of storytelling a lot, I guess tumblr got me used to it xD Do you like this randomness of switching mediums?
I always love your pictures and the details you put in them, so every time I see a comic or pic+text story, I am happy to get extra candy I don't really care what medium you use, they're all well executed though. At some point I tried to add more descriptions/elaboration of the setting and ambience than moving the story along. (Chapter 14.2 and 14.21) What do you think of the writing in these chapters compared to the rest of my writing? Do you have a preference? (If there’s no difference you can say that too. )
Lol. I didn't notice if the writing is different But I really liked the intensity of those chapters. - I overly rely on pictures to describe the setting than write it out. Does this style work for you?
Yes, since you add the pictures, the obvious description is not needed. - Romance is hard to write and personal. There are some scenes and pictures that were too much for me in the story, but I’m a conservative person. How were they for you? Were any of them cringey? If yes, which one? so I can work on those. And do you have suggestions?
Nope, not cringey. I cringe at overly detailed or sterile descriptions of sexual acts (me, personally), but you relied mostly on pictures which I am perfectly fine with (even if they would be very explicit). However, I giggled when Athena suddenly had an undershirt that would be visible with the dress she wore before. I thought it was cute xD
One advice, if those scenes make you too uncomfortable but you insist they are important for your story development, you can show that they happened in one or two screenshots (censored by the right angle/cut etc.) without showing what explicitly happened. A story doesn't need pictured intimacy to be good
I'm back and I'm going to try and update my thread like a normal person.
If midway I revert back to just chapter links, it's because I'm a lazy bugger.
No need to apologize for the darkness. I think you do dark topics really well. I am super excited for this new season. I love the new story banner, and I can't wait to learn more about the new characters, as well as what's happening with the main characters. This prologue has me hooked, it's so action-packed and raises a lot of questions. Like, who are the masked people? Who is Lathar and why are people chasing him? And who was the mystery person at the end? As always, my questions are just me thinking/writing out loud and only speculation and don't need to be answered.
So excited for the new season! And so much mystery just in that prologue! Can't wait to learn more about the new characters and to catch up with the old ones
Oof thank you. I had a moment during reflection that maybe I should redo a couple of parts but I've thought of a way to present it in all its dark glory while being.. respectful. So it's full speed ahead for now.
I fully expect myself to reach that point in production and go woaah this is darker than what I pictured and have that moment of doubt. I'm sureee I'll get over it.
Comments
Writing
I think for me the main overarching theme was about losing innocence, which happens to all of us as we grow up, but to a lesser degree than our mains here. You could see that progression in everyone, Athena and Curtis obviously being the obvious choices, but to a degree this was also shown for Kirino and Masato, even the Scorcher. Which, now that I think about it, does not bode well for Kian’s next arc
What do you think of my balancing action/non-action scenes, thrill/non-thrill? Were you able to wind down before the next one, or is the story's arrangement fine with you? Some have told me they needed to take a break from the story because it was so uh full on(?). How was it for you?
Haha I think I may have said that, there were points in your story where I deliberately took a break, yes, but it’s nothing to do with too much action and/or thrill. I obviously had the luxury of getting to binge the story, but I didn’t want to burn through it too quickly, so I had to actively stop myself sometimes to avoid blasting through it too fast and missing things. Oh, and I specifically stopped after the lighthouse chapter because I had a feeling everything was going to go terribly wrong
Some of the chapters were just really impactful (in a good way) or had mind-boggling revelations, so I wanted to take some time to digest them, but that’s really not a bad thing at all – just think of it as gorging on rich chocolate cake, you have to wait a while till you can have cake again afterwards, but that doesn’t matter you don’t like cake, on the contrary!
There’s a shift in my writing style/length between chapter 1-5 and the rest of the story. I also experimented with different mediums. What do you think of:
I overly rely on pictures to describe the setting than write it out. Does this style work for you?
Yes, although I’m biased because I tend to do that too. To me, the images are an essential part of simlit, so I don’t think it’s necessary to overly describe something you can clearly get from the image itself. Sure, some people could have the perspective that the writing alone should still flow in a standalone cohesive way if you were to remove the images, but I disagree – if you could tell the story just as effectively without the images, then why bother putting them there in the first place?
Not to mention that your screenshotting is one of the highlights of the story, the emotions you capture in your images are phenomenal.
Romance is hard to write and personal. There are some scenes and pictures that were too much for me in the story, but I’m a conservative person. How were they for you? Were any of them cringey? If yes, which one? so I can work on those. And do you have suggestions?
If you mean some of the more explicit scenes, no, I wouldn’t say it was too much or cringey. I do recall that when Curtis and Athena first kissed, you described how her body responded quite in-depth, which surprised me, but didn’t bother me – though I also recall that I was hoping that you weren’t going to go to that level of detail on the descriptions as their relationship progresses lol!
And then 16.5 I thought was very tastefully done, it’s not like we saw hanging bits or you launched into a full-blown description there (which for me would be cringey, yes), it was focusing much more on the feeling. So no issues there.
The only part I thought was on the cringey side was their conversation in the final chapter, but I wouldn’t call that romance, I would call that denial :P
Character
Athena is very determined when she wants something, which is both her biggest strength and weakness. She does not back down, often like a child that insists they need a particular toy – but that’s understandable, given her age, and it’s obviously helped her get through tough times.
I don’t think she particularly considers other people’s perspectives and motivations; she is very focused on her own view of the world. I wouldn’t go as far as to say self-centred, per say, but I feel like she has to actively try to empathise with others. But again, that’s to be expected, given that up until the events of B2W she lived a very sheltered life.
She will do anything for the people she cares about though. Too much, even, at her own detriment. I wonder if that will change now, given everything she’s been through, now that she’s realised she’s not invincible. Then again, maybe now that she has the tome, she thinks she is!
Is her character realistic? Is she adequately fleshed out for reader understanding?
Yes, I would say so, like I said above I can justify why she is the way she is.
Any bits of her that you find confusing?
Nothing comes to mind. I’ve disagreed with her plenty, but I don’t feel like I was confused about where she’s coming from.
What kind of person do you think she has become at the end of this story? What kind of person do you predict her to be in B2W?
I don’t think there’s a single answer to this one. I almost see her at a crossroads right now, with several directions you could nudge her in, with one tiny gentle push. She is in a place where she can change for the better, or for the worse, and either would be believable. I’m pretty sure the untamed magic stuff will have an effect on her though, so I personally foresee the latter, but hey maybe she’ll surprise me!
She insists that Curtis is relatable and her soulmate at the lighthouse scene. Did you find her insistence of them being made for each other believable? Do you have a theory why she thinks so? (I’ve never elaborated on this)
Honestly, that moment for me was just a reminder of “oh yeah, she’s 16” (or was she 15 at that point? I know she turns 16 at some point in the story but can’t remember if it was before or after this chapter). So it was believable, but it goes back to what I said about her childish stubbornness. It felt like a realistic reminder of her age. I mean, he’s her first love, and she’s just been through some traumatising stuff she can’t bear to face alone in this chapter. Of course she’ll believe that.
2. What are Curtis's strength and weaknesses? What do you think of Curtis’s Character progression/development? How would you describe him?
This one is much more difficult for me to answer because I’m aware of my personal bias, so I know it’s much harder for me to objective here – so take what I say with a grain of salt.
I think he’s not as numb to the world as he’d like to be, he puts on this careful front he’s cultivated but his emotions ultimately rule him. He’s obviously grown quite desensitised to his environment as he’s had to, and when he’s confronted with what he contributes to, it doesn’t sit right with him, because he’d like to tell himself he’s the good guy, just on a quest for revenge, so when he actually gets a look in the mirror (whether that be circumstances, like the aftermath of 6.4, or Athena calling him out on what he fears to be in 10.5), he doesn’t like what he sees.
He definitely likes to lie to himself, I wonder where he’s learned that? 😊 I can definitely see the impact Masato bringing him up has had on him, because he has adopted some of Masato’s traits, but is obviously a lot more sensitive. So far. Lol. I guess we’ll have to see if he ends up like his mentor.
I do think it’s a miracle that he’s still has so many emotions and a moral compass given his sad life story, and like I said I do attribute a lot of it to Kian.
Is he realistic and adequately fleshed out for reader understanding?
Fleshed out, yes. Realistic in the sense that I understand his motivations, yes. Realistic in the sense of if somebody went through what he did, they would still keep it together and not become completely deranged… probably not. But that’s why I love him.
Did you find it strange that he cared for Athena with his background staring at violence every day?
Not really, I mean he was subconsciously looking for something to ground him, someone to tell him he’s not completely lost to the world in spite of it all, something to give him a reason to go on once the Scorcher hunt was done, should he survive. Escapism is a natural response to high pressure situations. That, and Athena didn’t exactly give him a choice
I know I did a lot of explaining of Masato and Kirino’s character in the comments. But without the comments and purely relying on story:
Is Masato a believable character?Does his character/personality, his motivations, and actions make sense to you? Is his love for Kirino surprising? Does his metaphoric speech make sense to you? Did the final reveal provide ample explanation of all the schemey scenes he was portrayed in throughout the story? Did everything make sense?
I didn’t really understand his motivations until later on in the story when we got to see things from his point of view, but that was obviously deliberate. I like how complex he is, and hope to see more of him in season 2.
His love of Kirino is not surprising, they had so much history and were of course forever bonded by the loss of their son. I did find his arch sufficiently explained, but I find him and Kirino fascinating so I wouldn’t mind a pre-quel/spinoff, and I definitely hope that this is not the last of what we’ve seen of him.
It will be interesting which way he will go now that he has to go on without Kirino – will he become completely merciless and dead inside, because the one person he cared so deeply for is gone, or will he try to keep his promise to her and actually try to look out for Curtis?
4.Is Kirino a believable character? Does her character, desires and actions (including final action) make sense to you?
Yes. I initially didn’t know what to make of her, but I really fell in love with her when we saw what was underneath her mask. She was one of my favourites, and it breaks my heart she’s gone, but her actions were not unexpected.
Did her scene at the end come as a complete surprise? Were there enough clues given throughout the story for you to find her condition at the end believable/acceptable?
I guess I answered that, and I already covered that in my WP comments. All very believable, unfortunately, and foreshadowed.
Was her ‘flashback’ chapter believable?
Yes. My favourite chapter in the whole story.
Do you think she loves Masato (at the end)?
Oh, that’s a loaded question. Hmm… I’m not sure if she had much room for anything other than pain in her heart at the end. In a way, she did probably did still love him to some degree, though I’d imagine she didn’t want to.
Were Masato and Kirino’s complicated relationship believable?
Yes. I wish we got more of them, but just the little snippets we did painted a very rich picture.
Is Scorcher a believable character? Does his character, desires and actions make sense to you? (I think I gave him a monologue and two lines of dialogue explaining his perspective on life lol)
Hmm I don’t know if we know enough about him to dissect him as a character. We obviously know he’s suffered a personal tragedy that’s made him snap and take pleasure in the pain of others to avoid his own, but I can’t say I can analyse what makes him tick
What do you think about Kian? Then Carly?
I love Kian! He brought much needed light to the story, which I guess was his primary function. I adore that he says it how it is and sassy sense of humour. No wonder he was popular with the ladies at school 😊
Carly I wasn’t too keen on, though to my surprise I didn’t mind her with Kian in the finale, they seemed well suited. That being said I won’t be mad if someone better comes along for him. Though I feel like where he’s going it will be a lot less dating and a lot more danger.
8. What do you think/feel about Dew?
I actually really liked Dew ever since she was introduced – by that I don’t mean the chapter where her drink got spiked, but the chapter where she actually got dialogue - 10.5, I think? She obviously holds no illusions of the world in spite of her young age, and doesn’t mince her words, but there’s a lot of truth behind what she says. I hope she’s back for season 2!
9. What do you think about Grim?
Grim was hilarious, in spite of his story being sad, and I loved the genuine bond he developed with Athena, even though that was ultimately his undoing (I see what you did there!). He was a fantastic vehicle to explain the lore of the magic realm, and the revelation about his true identity was a cherry on top, I did not see that coming!
Phew, I think I've exhausted myself now!
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You’re fair in your comments. It wasn’t as if they came from uh unreasonable grounds or being rude for the sake of it. I just saw it as honesty
I never knew you didn’t like the teenage romance
Ahh that’s a good thing to hear because my themes will probably not change in its ‘lightness’. I seem to gravitate towards dark themes too. But I will try to include less depressing chapters anyway.
Thank you for the reminder. I have a rough idea where I want to take them and what I want the ending to be and those won’t change for sure. But I am worried because you have probes in my brain so maybe I will alter them a bit more. Your ideas are so mind-boggling and really impressive. Some of them will happen.
Ah you’ve made me so curious. I really want to see what happens to Tony and Chris now. What thoughts have you injected there?? xD Also, you do not need to answer everything. You’re supposed to pick and choose. Thank you for tackling the questions! It's always great to hear from you
@candycottonchu Hello!
Ah yay phew!
Omg I’m glad you like the school scenes. o.o Tbh, those are my less confident chapters. xD I didn’t feel comfortable with them and I can’t quite elaborate on why - it’s something I’m still figuring it out.
Oof gotcha. It makes sense because I did structure Chapter 17 as a prologue initially. So everything was created in bitesize and had to be covered in one chapter. If I had the mindset that they were chapters, I’d probably flesh out the story more. For the part about her memories (or lack of ), it will play a more prominent role in S2
Oops :> Yeah. The magical part of the story was always reserved for S2
That’s a very interesting perspective to look from. I’m glad you feel that way. I definitely did not want to put a romantic spin on crime. >.> And I wasn’t striving to make any of my characters likable, just presenting them as how they are, blemishes and all.
No spoilers, but I'm actually itching to answer here aaah. But it will be addressed next so you’ll get answers
Thanks again for your answers! I'm so excited to hear your advice next
Characters
- Is her character realistic? Is she adequately fleshed out for reader understanding?
- Any bits of her that you find confusing?
- What kind of person do you think she has become at the end of this story? What kind of person do you predict her to be in B2W?
- She insists that Curtis is relatable and her soulmate at the lighthouse scene. Did you find her insistence of them being made for each other believable? Do you have a theory why she thinks so? (I’ve never elaborated on this)
First of all I have to admit I couldn't help but compare Athena to one of my characters constantly as I was reading. She's a red head too after all. And of course whenever I found something about Athena's behavior and its believability I asked myself at the same time if I don't do the same when I write Kellie. If I found similarities I'd slap my hand not to criticize.
Is Athena's character realistic? How can one answer that? She has magical powers so that itself makes her unrealistic from the start. There's one problem with characters who have superpowers - the writer can always use the superpower/magic as a crutch, an easy explanation of any behavior or event. There needs to be balance for this to work. There must be rules, laws of the magic if you will that ensure this balance. I hesitate to make any judgements here as I'm super sensitive when it comes to characters that can do things a normal person shouldn't be capable of. Then again I myself walk a thin line with one of my own, so it's terribly difficult to give an objective opinion.
I could call Athenna reckless and then you could argue that she had confidence that she'd be able to defend herself with her magic. So what she is like when we take away the magic? Clearly someone who has uncontrollable desire to help and fix things and people. In that regard she is believable. Still a naive teenager, who believes she can fix anything by sheer force of her will and persistence. We saw her do some self-reflection at the end of the season and I think she should do more. She should look back and ask herself if all the pain was worth pursuing the man who is torn between two worlds and after all that happened isn't any closer to making a decision in which of those two worlds he wants to belong 100% I'm hoping she will make a serious attempt to extricate herself from that relationship. But given her bad luck she'll most likely end up in another unhealthy relationship. I didn't think about why she thinks she and Curtis were made for each other. Isn't it something people always think when they fall in love for the first time? That this is the perfect love that must surely last forever no matter what everyone else says?
2. What are Curtis's strength and weaknesses? What do you think of Curtis’s Character progression/development? How would you describe him?
- Is he realistic and adequately fleshed out for reader understanding?
- Did you find it strange that he cared for Athena with his background staring at violence every day?
With Curtis I have the same problem as with Athena. She has magic and Curtis is portrayed as a prodigy. Whenever you question something he does, you need to take this into account. His weakness is definitely the fact that he's not able to face the truth about himself. He keeps deluding himself he can quit anytime he wants and live anormal life, be a better man. Scratch that. He believes he is better man than the rest he's working with. Even after he killed a man he still believes it. What he doesn't realize is that even the worst criminals often think themselves good people. Someone needs to hold the mirror up to him. I kind of wish Kian does it at some point.
I know I did a lot of explaining of Masato and Kirino’s character in the comments. But without the comments and purely relying on story:
3.Is Masato a believable character? Does his character/personality, his motivations, and actions make sense to you? Is his love for Kirino surprising? Does his metaphoric speech make sense to you? Did the final reveal provide ample explanation of all the schemey scenes he was portrayed in throughout the story? Did everything make sense?
I think Masato is pretty believable. His love for Kirino was a nice surprise. It made his character more complex. And even if he's a rather despicable character because of his actions this made him more human. Perfectly in accordance with the rule that an antagonist should have at least one redeeming quality.
4.Is Kirino a believable character? Does her character, desires and actions (including final action
- Did her scene at the end come as a complete surprise? Were there enough clues given throughout the story for you to find her condition at the end believable/acceptable?
- Was her ‘flashback’ chapter believable?
- Do you think she loves Masato (at the end)?
Kirino's character made perfect sense to me. I love it how there's something sad about her appearance. She played her part in what has become of Curtis but I suppose her final act made us all forgive her. I wouldn't mind more and earlier hints on her condition. I'm not sure if she was capable of loving Masato in the end. I wanted to believe she did, but she hurt too much. Is there even any space for love if one hasn't recovered from the loss of a child even after many years?
5.Were Masato and Kirino’s complicated relationship believable?
Yes. It was tragic and beautiful. Definitely one of the highlights of this story.
6.Is Scorcher a believable character? Does his character, desires and actions make sense to you? (I think I gave him a monologue and two lines of dialogue explaining his perspective on life lol)
I have mixed feelings about him. I can (and can't at the same time) understand why he took his anger on the son of the man who betrayed them. But why did he hurt others? The woman who Curtis lived with for instance. (Apologies for not remembering the names of all side characters) Did he lose his mind? Why didn't he hurt Masato too then? I may have forgot or missed some key hints about his characters, I admit.
7. What do you think about Kian? Then Carly?
I like Kian and his warm and friendly character. Curtis has a better friend in him than he deserves in my opinion. I'm afraid I don't care much for Carly yet. I wondered why you paired them up. Again, maybe I'm missing something, but I simply didn't feel any chemistry between those two characters. To me it felt like one moment they weren't a couple and next they were. In my opinion Kian had more chemistry with Athena than with Carly. It was as though he started dating Carly because he couldn't have Athena. IDK.
8. What do you think/feel about Dew?
Remind me who is Dew? Is she the girl who confessed her feelings to Curtis? Sorry again for forgetting names.
We know too little of her yet for me to form a complex opinion on her.
9. What do you think about Grim?
What can I say? I'm glad I wasn't wrong and that he is who he is. I only wish he stopped playing a match maker. That doesn't suit him. I don't want him to be a friendly grandpa, if you know what I mean. Now that you revealed that he was manipulative, I'd like to see his character become something more powerful and sinister. Wishful thinking, yeah.
Well, here you have it. I hope my answers didn't disappoint.
HEFFNER LEGACY│Simblr│Heffner Legacy Discussion │ Origin ID: Maladi
Ooh, that's an interesting way to look at it. I did also think that Kian and Athena had chemistry, but I put a lid on that straight away because I knew it would be completely out of character for him to pursue her. So what you're saying about him getting together with Carly makes perfect sense.
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I do 100% agree with the above responses that you should write the story you want to write. I will still read because I have enjoyed the story and have gotten to know the characters, and I know that you'll deliver something creative and interesting. You, as the creator and writer, know your characters much better than anyone else and the story you want to tell. I'm impressed with the creativity of simlit authors and am often like... wow, I could have never come up with that, and that's what makes reading so enjoyable.
And I'll go on a mini-rant about the GOT ending since I saw it brought up in the comments. I think the main problem with that ending was they rushed the whole thing, and it just didn't make sense in character development. I've always thought that one of the main protagonists is actually a villain (I won't say who), but they rushed it in the TV show and it just didn't work. I'm hoping Martin will do a better job in the books. My own opinion is that when the writers didn't have the books to work with, it just went downhill from there. I think Martin, as an author, knows his characters and I think the TV show writers didn't connect with the characters on the same level. Also, I think my least favorite part of GOT was the white walker conclusion; it was so lackluster (I was literally like, that's it? and then proceeded to yell at the TV for like a half-hour, lol). Anyway, totally went off in a rant, because I am a huge fan of the books and that ending really didn't do the characters or the story justice.
Yes, I enjoyed this story a lot. The concept is very original to simlit. I love the criminal underground background; I love the darker themes you explore. Your poses are outstanding, and your pictures capture the story so well.
2. What was your favourite part, and which was your least favourite part?
I like the crime organization scenes, and the Masato and Kirino chapters. I think the criminal organization could be its own standalone story. I also really enjoyed Grim as a character, so anytime he showed up, I was happy.
3. How do you feel about the ending?
To me, it was more like a transition into the next story. There were a lot of loose ends (not to say that is bad, some loose ends can be okay, and I think that real-life situations don't always get neatly resolved). I think I would have liked Athena and Curtis to break up instead of just be left in this relationship limbo (maybe I just like solid conclusions for romance stories). I thought the Grim story arc, came to a good conclusion, and I enjoyed that. I was curious about Athena's mom and brother, and what happened there.
4. Do you feel like the story was different from what you expected when you started?
I didn't expect it to get so dark (not that was a bad thing, and I like reading dark or difficult topics). I knew that romance would be a major part of the story, but I also enjoyed the darker themes of the story. I liked the way you transitioned into darker themes, and I felt like I knew where the story was going, or if it would touch on a darker topic. I thought you did a good job of providing content warnings to readers, so if someone wanted to skip, they could.
5. What do you think of the darkness from chapter 6 until the end? Was the darkness too much, not much, present but not bad, present but bad? etc
I don't mind darker topics and have a pretty high tolerance for dark subject matter, so it wasn't too much for me as a reader. I thought you did a great job of touching on difficult themes and I think that it was tastefully done.
6. What are your predictions for S2? Feel free to answer everything else before attempting this
I'm not completely sure, but I'll just throw something out there. I think Athena and Curtis will go through a rocky time in their relationship. Maybe they'll break up? I'm not sure. At first, I was rooting for them as a couple, but as time goes on, I think I would like to see them not in a relationship and see how they grow individually, and maybe a reunion in the end, if they are still compatible.
I kind of hope that Kian goes on his own little self-discovery journey, maybe in looking for his father? Kian is growing on me as a favorite character. Grim currently holds the position as my favorite and Kian is coming in at second. Masato and Kirino are probably tied at third for me. I don't see Kian and Carly lasting. I've never been a big fan of Carly, but maybe it's because I just haven't connected with her character or don't know her character well enough.
Those are my general responses, and I wrote this up late at night, so I apologize if anything doesn't make sense. I'll answer the other questions throughout the week.
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I also suspected the author paired Kian with Carly for the sole purpose of him not to be a dating option for Athena when she lost her memory and/or when/if she breaks up with Curtis.
HEFFNER LEGACY│Simblr│Heffner Legacy Discussion │ Origin ID: Maladi
You might be on to something there!
Edit: Though now that I think about it, I wonder if it's projection to some degree. Curtis is clearly the strongest relationship in Kian's life. Could it be that he's involuntarily developed some kind of attraction to Athena not in spite of her being the "best friend's girl", but precisely because of it?
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Yes that was done deliberately to hint at something.. But I will not say anything about it.
@lone_cat Thank you for putting up with my story from day 1. It feels great to know I'm improving and that it is visible! I'll be replying shortly but as to GoT, I've never read the books nor have I watched the show. But I've watched enough online clips to want to watch the ending and I agree with you on the white walker conclusion. I've been given an adept summary at that point enough to know how huge a role they play as the villians so I was eager to see their end and, well, I was less emotional invested so I simply had a raised eyebrow but my so was ranting probably as long as you were and then we checked out the netizen drama online.
True! The concept of identity is completely fluid in my story
gotcha I completely misunderstood. Lol if I were you I’d stop at the lighthouse too. I’d probably dwell there for a bit because it’s such a nice mirage and checkpoint amidst all that happened while I get ready for more pain.
Noted. I won’t be doing comic style. It’s too tiring to do all the panelling and tbh I like huge pictures so I rather put up 100 pictures like I currently do. I also find that they don’t provide enough room for thoughts so I would probably continue in a mixed medium style. Thank you for being honest. Those were my first few attempts at actively trying to include narrative bits and I feel more encouraged to try again.
I once took 5 hours (not kidding) just to get the right scene/mood/facial expression/setting right. I’m happy you think so
I have wondered about including it too and personally (because I’m a prude), I would’ve preferred not to include it. But I kept it in because many s*xual assault victims feel repulsed by touch/intimacy after. Athena was experiencing a version of that in 9.4 when she said ‘Don’t touch me!’ although that was directed at herself mostly, but its there. Hence, the explicit mention of her physical sensations was an important indicator of either her feelings towards Curtis or her mind reconnecting physical contact with positive emotions. :>
If there’s no purpose I won’t put in something explicit for the sake of it. I’m not interested in.. I think they’re called smut. XD
Cringey because hard to believe? Or cringey because they were being corny? :P
Character
Lol yeah she just turned 16. Her death day at the lighthouse was her 16th birthday if it helps makes things clearer.
I’m asking for personal opinions as much as objectivity so don’t worry about it.
He has Rue to thank for his compassion and sanity
Ahh! I see what you mean.
You’ll see him in S2! His story is not over
I don’t think I can say anything else except I’m happy you like her and her features
I'm honestly so surprised at his genuine likability. I was very worried (for nothing apparently) at the beginning as I fleshed out his character that Kian will be disliked given his loud laissez-faire brash attitude
Aw Thank you for all your answers I had fun reading them all and sorry I can’t reply some of them because they are direct spoilers but this isn’t the last time you’ve seen… any of them. (Except the ones we've lost.)
I think I have written it already in the comments. It is well done.
- What do you think of Athena and Curtis's Not-date scene at the promenade?
I think it was kinda cute. I'm not a fan of throwing food, tho XD
- What do you think of the progression of Athena and Curtis’s relationship from strangers to lovers?
- Did it flow realistically? Did any parts feel forced or too fast?
- Their romance was never intended to be ‘pure’, even if it started out that way. Did you catch it as a reader? Did you realise at any point a shift beginning to happen? Where? Did you catch yourself responding to it?
- How would you describe their romance/relationship?
I always had the feeling it came more from her side than from his.
At first she may have been just curious, and then thought herself into having a crush (idk if that makes sense, like, you keep thinking about someone more and more, until you feel like you have a crush on them), and then stubborn enough to pursue a relationship bc he was so different than anyone she knew (also, let's be honest, someone that risks their life for you will always be somehow attractive, even if it was just out of plain human decency
He on the other side, seemed very passive, and it feels he rather dated her bc she was pursuing him. Then she's cute, has courage, and is always supportive about him. What's not to like here?
The whole relationship feels more like one out of convenience and curiosity, but what exactly it is worth, will probably only be shown in S2.
So far they had almost zero time spending as a couple, and when they finally had towards the end, the real problem surfaced.
They don't understand each other.
Athena wants him to leave his world and live a normal life, but he doesn't want to (or he would have done that long time ago), and he is still longing for that always supportive, always sweet girl she once was.
I know in the last chapter they had a talk, but that is not enough. I also don't think Curtis giving up his life for Athena will work. He needs to want it by himself. And I doubt Athena understands fully what it means to have a criminal mindset (bc that's what Curtis has, he was raised like that)
- Grim's explanation of the cycle of life/death: Do you have any pressing questions? What else would you have liked to know?
Tbh I have trouble remembering it. Also, I am probably a minority, but I care very little about world lore xD I'm more interested in current happenings and character development.
- What do you think of Curtis's neighborhood shown from Athena's perspective? Was it believable? Did it make you respond in any way? (thoughts or feelings) Was it effective in its delivery of mood/message/setting? Did it make what comes after (Mercy) believable/possible?
I'm glad it wasn't romanticized, including the people that live in it. I think I have mentioned my oppinion on it a few times already
- What is your view on ‘Mercy’ chapters (Assault)? Were they handled appropriately? Can they be handled better? Did they deter you from reading further? Did they change your impression of the story? Were you expecting them?
I was shook. I didn't expect to see this happening for real. Also I think it was well handled.
- What is your view on ‘Memories’ chapter (Curtis)? Were they handled appropriately? Were they portrayed realistically? Were they and the characters portrayed believable? Were the scenes portrayed, haunting enough for Curtis to revolve his entire life around revenge and locking Scorcher away?
These chapters made me really, really sad. I think the only ray of light was Rue, and I think she may be the most unrealistic part of it!
Sadly the things that happen in the real world, are often much, much worse than what we see in fiction.
- There is a darkness that looms over chapters 14.4, 16.4 and 16.5. Was the mood obvious to you or too subtle? Did it affect these chapters and your desire to read them?
14.3 & 4. were def some of my favourite chapters. I love genius and smart villains, and Masato is someone I fear and respect a lot!
16.4/5. It was dirty. I can't find any other words for it. I really enjoyed the pictures and the narrative though. In a way, Curt's possessiveness makes perfect sense if you look where he comes from, and what he thinks he may lose.
The more I think about it, the more I like what you wrote there. Ahhhh, all that potential for character development, or- destruction
What do you think of Avery's revelation/Athena losing her memory in Chapters 15.1 - 15.4. How was the pacing? Did it feel realistic? Did any feel forced? What do you think of Avery's backstory? Was it believable that Athena didn't realise what she was doing?
Finally there was the magic that I was always looking for in this story!
- What do you think of the NSFW poem chapter? Was the poem hard to decipher? Did the pictures make the process tougher? Was it a cringe chapter?
I did like the poem. Now it may be a language barrier, but I couldn't really apply it much to the pictures. the summary at the end helped.
No, I didn't think it was cringy.
Did all of these scenarios make sense to you? Were they believable?
- Curtis kept in the dark about his identity
why do you even ask? No sane abuser in his right mind would tell him he's the son of the CIA boss
- Curtis having his own home
well I guess the other option would be to be some of his gang member's room mate? I guess he made enough money to be able to afford it tho.
- Curtis being able to survive despite his lifestyle at such a young age
He had a tough training, possibly with a lot of brain washing. Some people may have lived through worse.
- Curtis’s complete out of character aggression, manipulation and exploitation of Athena at Trevor’s house
If you think more about it, it actually wasn't out of character. Look at his training, his upbringing, the role models he had. He may have some natural goodness in him, something he learned from Rue, and he's able to form genuine affection. He found Athena, and she became very precious to him, now that he feels threatened to lose her, he can only react according to what he has learned, fight for her with claws and teeth. I think it that moment he is not able to see that he trespasses a boundary he never should.
In CH17 you hinted that he felt something was wrong there, but if he can truly change, only time can tell.
- Athena’s complete out of character aggression, loosened and unhinged behavior at Trevor’s house
It may have been the bigger break between the chapters when I read them, but I was confused at first. It makes more sense once you think what she has lost.
- Trevor’s fixation on Athena
One always wants what's hard to get, huh?
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Whaaat? Kellie is heaps more mature and level-headed okay. That’s like comparing a headless chicken to a zenmaster. You need to level the playing field and give Kellie someone of her calibre to do a comparison with.
For Athena, we can still dissect if her character is realistic or not from a personality point of view. Athena’s magic is simply one aspect to complicate her character, just like her celebrity status, product/victim of bullying and s*xual trauma. The origin or reasons to why she acquired a particular personality trait may be unrealistic, but how it affects the character is still valid. (I.e. your reasoning for her recklessness is solid because you’re right -- magic could’ve given her an over-inflated sense of security, which could’ve drove her to be as reckless as she was in Ch 8.4 and 9.1.) Maybe I could’ve reworded this question better but I’m not sure how. To clear things up, I was simply trying to see if I’ve portrayed a teenager with parent, reputation, self-esteem, and s*xual trauma issues adequately and responsibly while letting her own personality shine.
Yup, there are rules that govern the magic in B2W universe. And I think you can guess some of the limits, drawbacks, consequences and counterbalances of Magic and how it affects the laws of their world. But this is a question I would probably ask at the end of S2 than now. You are free to let me know what you think of the lore so far. Though there’s so little of it at this point
Omg and I love love love that you pointed out the reason for my title! Between Two Worlds is exactly that -- a bunch of sims stuck between two worlds. I think the only person not stuck between 2 worlds is Jules. He’s trying to get rid of the other world.
With Curtis I’d present the same stance as Athena, he may be a HPI, but he is also a product of his circumstance. We can still dissect his character and see if the author has portrayed the effects of his upbringing, trauma and social background enough for his character to seem realistic. Maybe I’ve used the wrong words. :>
I’m so glad you like Kirino and Masato
Ahh totally understand. I didn’t give him much screen time at all so I’m pretty sure he’s a confusing character for everyone.
Scorcher is not a completely insane character, but he’s still deranged. Rue and Curtis are replacements for his dead wife and child. From them, he demands love/acceptance but Rue is not his wife and extremely strong in character while Curtis is, well, his enemy’s son. Scorcher flits between providing for and punishing them for not being his ‘true family’. Scorcher and Masato’s brotherhood have always been strong. In that sense, Masato is considered ‘family’ which casts a fragile layer of protection over Kirino. (Hence why he has no qualms of hitting her.) The rest of the world can burn in hell. (p.s. Scorcher's wife is in the photo of 14.2 which might explain why he wanted Rue.)
This is content for S2
Maybe
Thank you for your replies! I hope mine shed some light too! Let me know if anything doesn’t make sense.
There are definitely times when I’ve questioned my story and writing. The concept of ‘free’ writing was lost to me when I first started and I had a rigid thinking pattern assuming there’s a formula, guideline, threshold, limit or structure one must follow. (I’m in a technical field haha) Hence why I was worried about the ‘darkness’ in my story but from yours and everyone’s replies, I realised that this question ultimately is a reflection of my worries on whether I’ve crossed a (imaginary) line per se. This sharing has been incredibly helpful and definitely opening my eyes to story writing as a free art and that I’m allowed give rein to creativity and freedom of expression.
Also:
You're right, it is a transition
I’m glad Grim is a favourite
I think I’ve explained the hidden nuances (well it’s not really hidden or nuance but I’m not sure what to call it) in the final chapter. So I don’t want to bore you again here
I’ve said this and I’ll say it again. Thank you so much for calling out the chapter as it is -- dirty is the perfect word. In fact, I’m considering renaming the chapter to it. Possession is good but dirty is perfect.
Ah my bad. The poem is the meaning of their actions in the pictures. If Athena and Curtis were to stop all movement and had to express themselves through dialogue, that would be what they say to each other in those moments (maybe not as poetically but you know
Here is a cookie
Thank you so much. I didn’t reply everything but that’s because they were valuable feedback which were clear and everything was immensely helpful. :>
I get that.
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I don’t read a lot of comics, but I thought it was easy to follow. I might have had to read a few thought bubbles over, but overall, I think it was easy to follow. I did have to go back because I didn’t realize there were multiple pages, lol. That was my bad. I thought it was excellently done, I loved the insight into Curtis’s involvement in the criminal underworld. The poses were great and conveyed the scene very well.
- What do you think of Athena and Curtis's Not-date scene at the promenade?
I thought it was a nice lighter chapter. If I remember correctly, it was the first time that Athena and Curtis shared a sort of romantic connection with one another and I thought it was a nice change from all the hardship they were facing.
- What do you think of the progression of Athena and Curtis’s relationship from strangers to lovers?
- Did it flow realistically? Did any parts feel forced or too fast?
- Their romance was never intended to be ‘pure’, even if it started out that way. Did you catch it as a reader? Did you realise at any point a shift beginning to happen? Where? Did you catch yourself responding to it?
I got the feeling from the very beginning that they were going to be lovers, so I expected it. I think Athena is very naïve about the whole relationship though. Like she wants to ‘save’ Curtis or change him. And Curtis is set in his ways and secretive.
I do think the scene after Athena almost dying in the graveyard showed a shift in Curtis’s personality. He became a little pushy, and this caused Athena to have a flashback to the Mercy chapter. I don’t think he intended this at all. He wasn’t doing it in a malicious way, but he was being a little overbearing. I think both characters are young and inexperienced and are testing the waters in this relationship. Also, they’ve had a lot bad stuff happen that is really testing their limits. Also, he was a little pushy at the end and kind of took advantage of Athena when she was intoxicated.
- How would you describe their romance/relationship?
I’d also call it a teenage love story (they are teenagers after all, lol) with two people that come from very different backgrounds. I think Athena puts a little too much stock in the power of love and maybe doesn’t have a clear vision on how to achieve that goal. They are both very young, and I think this is portrayed really well and explains a lot of why they do the things they do.
- Grim's explanation of the cycle of life/death: Do you have any pressing questions? What else would you have liked to know?
I actually don’t remember what he said, and now I am going to have to go back and read that chapter.
- What do you think of Curtis's neighborhood shown from Athena's perspective? Was it believable? Did it make you respond in any way? (thoughts or feelings) Was it effective in its delivery of mood/message/setting? Did it make what comes after (Mercy) believable/possible?
I think it was well done. I think it was a major shock to her to see what was happening, and I think this was conveyed well through the pictures and writing. And also, her innocence is being taken away, in more ways than one.
- What is your view on ‘Mercy’ chapters (Assault)? Were they handled appropriately? Can they be handled better? Did they deter you from reading further? Did they change your impression of the story? Were you expecting them?
I did see the transition, so I expected something bad to happen. I think they were handled appropriately, and you gave a content warning.
- What is your view on ‘Memories’ chapter (Curtis)? Were they handled appropriately? Were they portrayed realistically? Were they and the characters portrayed believable? Were the scenes portrayed, haunting enough for Curtis to revolve his entire life around revenge and locking Scorcher away?
I think this was portrayed realistically. His mother figure was continually abused and then killed by Scorcher, and I think that would be enough motivation for Curtis.
- There is a darkness that looms over chapters 14.4, 16.4 and 16.5. Was the mood obvious to you or too subtle? Did it affect these chapters and your desire to read them?
I think it was obvious, especially in 16.5. That’s where I got a little confused with the poem, because I interpreted the darker themes, and saw a lot about death and betrayal. So yes, I definitely picked up on the darkness.
What do you think of Avery's revelation/Athena losing her memory in Chapters 15.1 - 15.4. How was the pacing? Did it feel realistic? Did any feel forced? What do you think of Avery's backstory? Was it believable that Athena didn't realise what she was doing?
I enjoyed this revelation, but it also opened up some new questions and now I really want to know who the hooded figure was. I thought it felt realistic as it could, being that magic was involved. Yes, I think Avery wanted to hide that from Athena to protect her.
- What do you think of the NSFW poem chapter? Was the poem hard to decipher? Did the pictures make the process tougher? Was it a cringe chapter?
I admit, I am not the best at deciphering poems. I usually can see a whole bunch of possible meanings to something, but what the author wants to convey might not be in my interpretation. I constantly have to look up song lyrics, because I’m like, what does this song actually mean, instead of what I think it means. I think I talked about that in my comments, and your description of what was going on helped me understand it. I didn’t think it was cringey, and I liked the darkness to it.
Did all of these scenarios make sense to you? Were they believable?
- Curtis kept in the dark about his identity
Yes, it was used as a way to manipulate him, so it made sense.
- Curtis having his own home
I’m guessing he makes pretty good money from working with Masato, so he could afford his own place.
- Curtis being able to survive despite his lifestyle at such a young age
I think it makes sense because Masato and Kirino took him under their wing.
- Curtis’s complete out of character aggression, manipulation and exploitation of Athena at Trevor’s house
Yes, I think it makes sense. Curtis just had a confrontation and almost died, with Scorcher, so he’s probably pretty shaken up and emotional. Plus, he walks in and finds Athena with another guy and she doesn’t remember Curtis, so I think it makes a lot of sense. He is taking his claim over Athena.
- Athena’s complete out of character aggression, loosened and unhinged behavior at Trevor’s house
Yes. She was upset about her mother hiding things from her, and I think she’s a teenager and she gave into peer pressure. Plus, Trevor was taking advantage of this.
- Trevor’s fixation on Athena
He seems like the type of guy that likes a challenge, and Athena is just that. So I definitly see this. Plus, some random guy just walked into his house all bruised up and is trying to get with Athena, so I think it explains his fixation on the situation as a whole.
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- Were there any themes that stood out for you in this story? How do you think I handled them?
I think teenage self-discovery was a major theme. Young love, loss of innocence, loss of a loved one. I think the themes were handled well.
- What do you think of my balancing action/non-action scenes, thrill/non-thrill? Were you able to wind down before the next one, or is the story's arrangement fine with you? Some have told me they needed to take a break from the story because it was so uh full on(?). How was it for you?
I thought there was a good balance.
I tend to take breaks in stories anyway, but I found if I went too long between reading, I would forget certain plot points, especially with the criminal underground or with the Grim storyline. I almost feel like I should reread it again, now that it is finished, because I think I may have missed things. A few of the chapters were very impactful, so I did have to take a short break after reading to process what I had read, but this isn't a bad thing, it just means that certain chapters were thought-provoking.
- There’s a shift in my writing style/length between chapter 1-5 and the rest of the story. I also experimented with different mediums. What do you think of:
• The comic strip? Was its organisation easy to follow? Were the Speech bubbles clear who’s talking and who’s next?
It was easy to follow. I may have gotten lost a couple of times, but it was easy to go back and figure out who was talking.
• Picture Sequences: Did you prefer the speech text organised around the subject in the picture? Or placed at the bottom and color coded?
I think the color coding was easiest to follow. Though, I did like the lighthouse scene with the speech text.
• Do you like this randomness of switching mediums?
I’m kind of old fashioned and liked the chapters with just pictures and text separate.
• At some point I tried to add more descriptions/elaboration of the setting and ambience than moving the story along. (Chapter 14.2 and 14.21) What do you think of the writing in these chapters compared to the rest of my writing? Do you have a preference? (If there’s no difference you can say that too. )
I do like the descriptions; it made the reading much more immersive. And it was good to get slower chapters. I think that it helped with the pacing of the overall story.
- I overly rely on pictures to describe the setting than write it out. Does this style work for you?
I think it works well, and I don’t feel like there are too many pictures. It’s simlit, so pictures should be the focal point, and I think it works well. Your poses convey a lot of emotion and your editing also helps to convey a lot of unspoken dialogue.
- Romance is hard to write and personal. There are some scenes and pictures that were too much for me in the story, but I’m a conservative person. How were they for you? Were any of them cringey? If yes, which one? so I can work on those. And do you have suggestions?
I didn’t see anything overly cringey. I thought all the romance scenes were tasteful and I didn’t feel uncomfortable at all. I agree with the romance part being personal. Romance is hard to write, and what is overly cringey for one person might not be for another.
1. What are Athena's strengths and weaknesses? What do you think of Athena’s Character progression/development? How would you describe her?
I would say she is stubborn, and naïve. She wants to do what’s right, but sometimes she goes ahead without thinking things through and this gets her into trouble. She also doesn't take advice from others very well, and kind of has an attitude that she knows best. This could also be because she is a teenager, and thinks she knows better and doesn't want to take advice from her elders.
- Is her character realistic? Is she adequately fleshed out for reader understanding?
Yes, I think so.
- Any bits of her that you find confusing?
None that I can think of.
- What kind of person do you think she has become at the end of this story? What kind of person do you predict her to be in B2W?
I don't know for certain, but I'll just throw out some of my thoughts.
I think she will use the book for her own gain, and this will have a lot of negative consequences, what, I'm not sure. That's the only prediction I will make because I just want to read and be surprised. I could see her having many different outcomes depending on the choices she makes.
- She insists that Curtis is relatable and her soulmate at the lighthouse scene. Did you find her insistence of them being made for each other believable? Do you have a theory why she thinks so? (I’ve never elaborated on this)
I don’t really know if it’s believable to me personally. While I’m a romantic, I also don’t completely jump on board with the whole soulmate thing. But Athena as a character believes in soulmates, and I think that it fits with her character. I did like the lighthouse scene and I think it was the first time that we really got to see how each one feels about the other. I don't really have any theories, other than maybe it has something to do with Athena being a spellcaster? Not sure.
2. What are Curtis's strength and weaknesses? What do you think of Curtis’s Character progression/development? How would you describe him?
I think he is a little bit of a loner. He also takes on too much and doesn't ask for help. He tries to protect people by being secretive and in a way thinks he knows best. He became very protective of Athena in the end, which I understand from his past.
- Is he realistic and adequately fleshed out for reader understanding?
Yes, I think so.
- Did you find it strange that he cared for Athena with his background staring at violence every day?
I don’t find it strange at all. He is human, and is capable of feeling a range of emotions regardless of violence. I don't think he is as desensitized to his lifestyle as he lets on. I think maybe he admires and even envies Athena's innocence and her way of looking at life, and this might be one of the many reasons he wants to protect her.
I know I did a lot of explaining of Masato and Kirino’s character in the comments. But without the comments and purely relying on story:
3.Is Masato a believable character?Does his character/personality, his motivations, and actions make sense to you? Is his love for Kirino surprising? Does his metaphoric speech make sense to you? Did the final reveal provide ample explanation of all the schemey scenes he was portrayed in throughout the story? Did everything make sense?
Yes, I really liked his character. I don't have a very thorough answer because I have forgotten a lot of what he said, but I wasn't confused by any of the scenes. He was a very morally grey character to me, so I enjoyed learning about him and also seeing a softer side to him toward the end.
4.Is Kirino a believable character? Does her character, desires and actions (including final action ) make sense to you?
- Did her scene at the end come as a complete surprise? Were there enough clues given throughout the story for you to find her condition at the end believable/acceptable?
- Was her ‘flashback’ chapter believable?
- Do you think she loves Masato (at the end)?
This is a hard one to answer. I think she cares for him, yes, but I think she’s been in a very depressed state and that has kind of taken over her life and she’s probably just going through the motions at this point. I do think that she felt like she wasn’t in control of anything, and this was really her only means of taking back control. I don’t think it was a surprise, people can hide their true thoughts and feelings and Kirino kept a lot of things bottled up. We also didn’t really get a good look at her personality and motivations until later, so this was believable when we learned more about her.
5.Were Masato and Kirino’s complicated relationship believable?
Yes, I think so. They worked together and at one time, seemed happy together, but due to the nature of their work and the loss of their child, this sort of drove them apart. It was really complex, and I enjoyed learning about both of these characters.
6.Is Scorcher a believable character? Does his character, desires and actions make sense to you? (I think I gave him a monologue and two lines of dialogue explaining his perspective on life lol)
I don’t really remember his motivations, I just remember him being a really nasty person. I’m sure he had reasons for what he did. Like control and feeling superior.
7. What do you think about Kian? Then Carly?
I like Kian. He’s a good guy, and truly cares about Athena and Curtis. I didn’t really like Carly from the beginning. She’s kind of bossy, and I really don’t know what Kian sees in her. I don’t really think the two of them will last. Kian doesn’t seem as invested in the relationship as Carly does.
8. What do you think/feel about Dew?
I think Dew is well portrayed, she’s kind of rough around the edges, but I imagine her lifestyle has made her that way. And she tells it like she sees it, and I think it is good to have characters that can dole out some tough love.
9. What do you think about Grim?
I loved Grim in this. He was such a cool character. And I completely didn’t see the twist. Now I will have to go back and reread this and look for clues that I missed.
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this story had quite a few themes. coming of age, finding yourself, but also serious themes like crime, manipulation and trauma. I think they were all handled appropriately.
- What do you think of my balancing action/non-action scenes, thrill/non-thrill? Were you able to wind down before the next one, or is the story's arrangement fine with you? Some have told me they needed to take a break from the story because it was so uh full on(?). How was it for you?
I think it was fine. I didn't read it in one go (didn't had the time), but I like it when a story is dense and has multiple layers and lots of actions.
- There’s a shift in my writing style/length between chapter 1-5 and the rest of the story. I also experimented with different mediums. What do you think of:
The comic strip? Was its organisation easy to follow? Were the Speech bubbles clear who’s talking and who’s next?
I think I have commented that I think the comic is very well done.
Picture Sequences: Did you prefer the speech text organised around the subject in the picture? Or placed at the bottom and color coded?
I am not sure. Aesthetically it's prettier to have the text at the bottom. But I usually struggle a little to connect text and speaker, so a (Name):(text) would be helpful for me when the text is at the bottom, but that also interrupts the reading flow, so I guess everything would be semi-optimal xD still I like this style of storytelling a lot, I guess tumblr got me used to it xD
Do you like this randomness of switching mediums?
I always love your pictures and the details you put in them, so every time I see a comic or pic+text story, I am happy to get extra candy
At some point I tried to add more descriptions/elaboration of the setting and ambience than moving the story along. (Chapter 14.2 and 14.21) What do you think of the writing in these chapters compared to the rest of my writing? Do you have a preference? (If there’s no difference you can say that too.
Lol. I didn't notice if the writing is different
- I overly rely on pictures to describe the setting than write it out. Does this style work for you?
Yes, since you add the pictures, the obvious description is not needed.
- Romance is hard to write and personal. There are some scenes and pictures that were too much for me in the story, but I’m a conservative person. How were they for you? Were any of them cringey? If yes, which one? so I can work on those. And do you have suggestions?
Nope, not cringey. I cringe at overly detailed or sterile descriptions of sexual acts (me, personally), but you relied mostly on pictures which I am perfectly fine with (even if they would be very explicit). However, I giggled when Athena suddenly had an undershirt that would be visible with the dress she wore before. I thought it was cute xD
One advice, if those scenes make you too uncomfortable but you insist they are important for your story development, you can show that they happened in one or two screenshots (censored by the right angle/cut etc.) without showing what explicitly happened. A story doesn't need pictured intimacy to be good
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I'm back and I'm going to try and update my thread like a normal person.
If midway I revert back to just chapter links, it's because I'm a lazy bugger.
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I fully expect myself to reach that point in production and go woaah this is darker than what I pictured and have that moment of doubt. I'm sureee I'll get over it.
@ThePlumbob