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The Kindness Bench for SimLit Writers - For All Games!

Comments

  • lisabee2lisabee2 Posts: 3,708 Member
    Asaoyoru wrote: »
    I think the Fringe sounds like a great idea @CathyTea! I can definitely understand the feeling of not being included. I've had some trouble with online writing communities in the past where there was a climate that was basically "mean girls in highschool" with sooo much gossiping and groups and such that I was sooner or later just thrown out because I was refusing to drop friends from other groups. I'm still amazed how nice and welcoming the community here is, even though I sometimes think that nobody really cares when I post something in the Writer's Lounge. Collabs have been a great help, especially the Pen Pal Project and the reading circles, but I would really like a place to hang out and talk for real? I feel like I'm always forcing my presence on everyone and I can't shake the feeling that people read my stuff out of pity or something like that? Still, I'm always amazed when people drop by via PM and talk to me <3 Or comment on my stories! I'm always squealing with joy when that happens.

    You are on my read list :) .. and no pity :)
    SebEwnF.jpg
    LisabeeSims
    New readers can visit here first: In-a-NUTSHELL
    #EAgamechanger
  • lisabee2lisabee2 Posts: 3,708 Member
    edited July 2017
    @rednenemon you're always welcome :heart:

    I've been lurking around a bit and @Rainydayz179 and @lisabee2 I'm sorry that you guys feel unwelcome! :( I think you are both wonderful!

    I've written at length before about how the dynamics of the forums (including the lounge) seem to really be changing. I think that's a big part of the vibe others are expressing here.

    I also know that, for me, my very closest simlit friends no longer frequent the lounge, but they go on Discord and we talk there. Because of that, I tend to spend a lot more time there than hanging out in the lounge.

    I also think a lot of people have been using their reading circles as spaces to hang out instead of the lounge too. Like I said, I think it's maybe a shift in the dynamics around here? I don't think it's any conscious thing going on from anyone.

    Thank you that is very kind of you @CitizenErased14 !
    SebEwnF.jpg
    LisabeeSims
    New readers can visit here first: In-a-NUTSHELL
    #EAgamechanger
  • RipuAncestorRipuAncestor Posts: 2,332 Member
    I'm surprised to see so many of you nice, awesome people feeling unwelcome. I like you guys! I'm quite often in lurker-mode in big threads like the Lounge, so I may not have talked to many of you that often, but I'm always glad to see you guys post.

    I'm often assuming that I'm unwelcome in most places as well, so I often either try to stay quiet or then latch onto some topics I feel like I can talk about and make a quick comment and then run for the hills again (on the forums). And then later come back to see if anyone has continued the conversation. :D
    doublebannerpic.jpg?w=676
    My Sims stories:
    The Fey of Life - fairytales in life are few and far between (Forum thread HERE)
    The Chrysanthemum Tango - a story about life, death, magic, and how to be a good landlady (Forum thread HERE)
    Forget-Me-Not - some things just refuse to stay buried; an Ambrosia Challenge story (Forum thread HERE)
  • AsaoyoruAsaoyoru Posts: 247 Member
    @lisabee2 Thank you so much! That really gave me a boost for my ego! <3 I also enjoy reading your stories. I'm slowly getting better at liking and leaving comments. I'm horrible at keeping up with that and always feel bad when I miss it :disappointed:
  • ny275ny275 Posts: 261 Member
    Okay, I'm a tad late to the conversation, but thought I'd share anyway.

    I don't feel unwelcome in the lounge, but I do feel... uneasy about sharing there. I don't post any updates or rarely chime in on conversation (assuming there is conversation) because I don't want to feel like a bother. Then there's the fact that I'm not a very social person anyway and I don't have the social capacity to "establish myself." Not in the sense that everyone reads my story, but in a way that people recognize my name if I was to leave a comment.

    This community is so nice and welcoming but it is so big that I'm always playing catch-up and the thought of inserting myself and "establishing myself" seems exhausting.

    The mini communities here seem a lot more exclusive from the outside than the lounge. I don't feel bullied in any way or actively excluded, it's more like de facto. Even if I was reading all stories in a reading circle, I would not feel like I could comment on the circle itself. Or even sometimes on the author's story thread. If the author knows who I am- or will recognize my username- I have no trouble commenting on their threads every now and then. But I definitely stick to PMs and, when I'm around, chatting on Discord.

    So I don't know if any of this helps the conversation, but with things being so fast moving in the lounge sometimes, it is easy for people to feel lost in the shuffle.

    I often feel wary of even liking and commenting on people's stories because I know they won't know who I am and don't want them to feel like they have to read/ comment on mine. This leaves a ton of stories on my to read list, unfortunately.

    I'm sorry that all of you seem to feel a bit unwelcome. I like seeing all of you around! And I'm not just saying that. You are all "familiar faces" to me- even if you aren't around often (and even if your story is on my to read list).
  • Pegasus143Pegasus143 Posts: 2,490 Member
    Usually I don't post in here, but I figured I'd add my thoughts to this conversation :)
    I don't do that well in large groups, no matter how inclusive they strive to be-- I had some offline drama in a group of friends at one point where I wanted to be friends with everyone but was forced to choose between an old friend of mine and some newer friends that I also enjoyed. I tried to keep myself as a part of the large group and the new, smaller group that my old friend and I created, but eventually most of those relationships fizzled out. That's why I get very uneasy when you get a rapidly expanding group like the lounge-- I know from experience that eventually, some of those relationships will fizzle out, and I don't really know how to deal with that.
    I think part of the problem for me is that when a group expands that quickly, there isn't really a chance to naturally get to know people-- I know your name, your avatar, and what you write, but with so many people joining at almost the same time it takes a little bit for me to learn that information, and even then it's still not that much. The only people I really know better than that are those that joined closer to the beginning of the lounge.
  • MedleyMistyMedleyMisty Posts: 1,188 Member
    I know I'm not welcome around here. Is okay. :) I'm used to it after all these years.

    Which I went through my time of letting it get to me, and sometimes it does still bring back bad memories, but really...

    Okay, this is a lot easier to say now that I've found decent friends than it would have been before, but I guess that's sort of my point? If you're feeling icky right now, if you keep going you may find decent friends, and that will make it a lot easier.

    I hardly post in public anymore since I learned that I'm not safe here, but I do come just about every day to PM people. So if you're not comfortable in public, maybe you could chill with your friends in private? The group PM is a great tool.

    Humans are gonna human, and you're going to find gossip and cliques and social politics wherever you go. After years of dealing with a smear campaign and learning a lot about humans in the process, I've found that giant boundaries, like boundaries that are so big that they can be seen from space, are really helpful. Both in cutting people off the instant they throw up a red flag, and in not letting their toxicity in. Both of those were really really hard lessons for me to learn, and I'm still working on them, but I've made a lot of progress.

    As for finding the decent friends....I don't know. That depends on what you define as decent. But I have extremely strict qualifications, and even I've been able to find a few here. So they're out there, whoever you would think of as a decent friend.

    *hugs* Dealing with humans is rough.

    i know you feel safer in pms thats why i thank you everytime you forget your fear when i post about my dad. because you do that for me.hugs.

    *hugs* You are very much a decent friend! :)
    Sometimes the darkness and I tell stories.
  • UmbralFlowerUmbralFlower Posts: 4,494 Member
    I'm late to these last few convos but I relate.
    I, like @Rainydayz179 have bipolar so I experience similar rapid manic episodes of wanting to be creative, social, and present. I disappear and stop writing and reading when I'm on the down side of the cycle.
    These last few manic episodes, I felt so bummed when I came back. I felt overlooked and forgotten...which makes me avoid it completely. I can admit, it's my fault because I leave and come back so no one remembers me or knows me.

    Most of my socialization these days in the simming community is on twitter, which tbh isn't the same as what the lounge used to be. Twitter is too focused on YouTube, Tumblr is too focused on cc creation and pretty screenshots. I felt most comfortable and at home on the forums and in the lounge.

    I haven't been around recently because I've been on the down side of the cycle, so I have no idea what's been going on with the forum dynamics. I didn't even know there was a discord. I do agree though that the shift seemed to happen when circles became super popular.
    ~*-*-*~ My SimLit: The Echoed Fragments || A Tale of Love and Fame ~*-*-*~
  • CathyTeaCathyTea Posts: 23,085 Member
    OK! I've created The Fringe (because apparently my response to every concern is, "Let's start a new thread!" or... "Let's start a new story!"... or "Let's do a collab!" LOL!)

    Anyway... I hope you pop in. I think it can be a place that falls somewhere in between Writers' Lounge and Reading Circles and helps with some of the concerns and feelings mentioned here yesterday and today. At any rate, I hope you just pop in to have fun with me! :)

    (And it's not a replacement for anything we've already got--it's a gap-filler! :) )
    Cathy Tea's SimLit Anthology

    Do you also play The Elder Scrolls Online? You can find me there as CathyTea, too!
  • friendsfan367friendsfan367 Posts: 29,362 Member
    CathyTea wrote: »
    OK! I've created The Fringe (because apparently my response to every concern is, "Let's start a new thread!" or... "Let's start a new story!"... or "Let's do a collab!" LOL!)

    Anyway... I hope you pop in. I think it can be a place that falls somewhere in between Writers' Lounge and Reading Circles and helps with some of the concerns and feelings mentioned here yesterday and today. At any rate, I hope you just pop in to have fun with me! :)

    (And it's not a replacement for anything we've already got--it's a gap-filler! :) )

    you like doing all 3 at once.
  • CathyTeaCathyTea Posts: 23,085 Member
    CathyTea wrote: »
    OK! I've created The Fringe (because apparently my response to every concern is, "Let's start a new thread!" or... "Let's start a new story!"... or "Let's do a collab!" LOL!)

    Anyway... I hope you pop in. I think it can be a place that falls somewhere in between Writers' Lounge and Reading Circles and helps with some of the concerns and feelings mentioned here yesterday and today. At any rate, I hope you just pop in to have fun with me! :)

    (And it's not a replacement for anything we've already got--it's a gap-filler! :) )

    you like doing all 3 at once.

    I know! Because each one is needed and each fills a specific purpose... it's like rainbow-flavored popsickles! We need all of them!
    Cathy Tea's SimLit Anthology

    Do you also play The Elder Scrolls Online? You can find me there as CathyTea, too!
  • friendsfan367friendsfan367 Posts: 29,362 Member
    CathyTea wrote: »
    CathyTea wrote: »
    OK! I've created The Fringe (because apparently my response to every concern is, "Let's start a new thread!" or... "Let's start a new story!"... or "Let's do a collab!" LOL!)

    Anyway... I hope you pop in. I think it can be a place that falls somewhere in between Writers' Lounge and Reading Circles and helps with some of the concerns and feelings mentioned here yesterday and today. At any rate, I hope you just pop in to have fun with me! :)

    (And it's not a replacement for anything we've already got--it's a gap-filler! :) )

    you like doing all 3 at once.

    I know! Because each one is needed and each fills a specific purpose... it's like rainbow-flavored popsickles! We need all of them!

    my nieces love those. rainbow popsicles.
  • AdamsEve1231AdamsEve1231 Posts: 7,031 Member
    edited July 2017
    I can relate to much of the conversation here, but I don't feel I have much to add. I do want to say *hugs* to all you lovely people. I am sad so many of us feel displaced or unwelcome. I have been so busy with work and school that focusing on reading Sims stories on top of writing my own is almost too much for me. I typically try and read one story at a time, but even then, I could go weeks without reading... and I feel guilty. I'm in a terribly busy season of my life so I've been trying to grant myself permission to do what I can and live with the rest.

    It's hard to keep up in the Lounge because by the time I latch onto something, people have already long moved on, and I really don't know if I'm contributing anything good to the conversation. So I try and wait for an opportune moment to speak, and it passes so quickly since it's so narrow. Everything is so fast paced in the Lounge. I feel bad when I pass over certain people's comments and jump ahead to the next because I want everyone to be heard and cared for, but at the same time, it is physically impossible for me to comment on everything. I try to stick to the themes, but it seems these days, many people aren't. And then there are the comments about stories I'm not reading, and I feel ... simply lost. It's a lot of inside conversations that make it hard for those who can't read everyone's stories or are far behind. For the record, I don't expect everyone to slow down and accommodate me because fast-paced is part of the fun of the Lounge, but I do seriously feel lost much of the time.

    I have hope though. Hope that this busy season will eventually end. Hope that there are still kind, decent wonderful people out there in the Sim land and that all your stories will get read at some point. Hope that someone notices. Hope that there are still places like this where we can all come and be ourselves. So thank you all for giving me that hope. :)
    starlight-saga-return.png
    The Starlight Saga - Return to Stardew Valley Everything has a cycle: birth, life, death. And we return and return again.
  • StormyDayzStormyDayz Posts: 4,035 Member
    Whew! Okay, so obviously I went MIA for a few days. As per usual. I'd expected to come back here and find a few comments on my little whine session. I was totally surprised to see so much response! And also that others felt similarly. So yay!

    Thank you for your kindness @CathyTea @friendsfan367 @Karilan @lisabee2 @CitizenErased14 Y'all have no idea how much it means to me.

    @Asaoyoru What you said about my stories really touched me. It's funny, I get all of these views on my blog and yet I'm always surprised when someone mentions having read them!

    @DreamsInPixels You totally hit the nail on the head describing the up and downs of cycling relating to socialization! That's exactly how I feel.

    I'm gonna go check out the fringe now but wanted to thank everyone first! *hugs*
  • ninaumininaumi Posts: 363 Member
    I can't believe that almost all issues you've described, I have as well! I am bipolar too, but I had just a few manic episodes. Though I seem to experience something like "mild euphoria/mania" sometimes. So, these things you mentioned are familiar to me.
    I, personally, feel guilty because I just cannot get myself to write a chapter for my story for a long time.
  • UmbralFlowerUmbralFlower Posts: 4,494 Member
    ninaumi wrote: »
    I can't believe that almost all issues you've described, I have as well! I am bipolar too, but I had just a few manic episodes. Though I seem to experience something like "mild euphoria/mania" sometimes. So, these things you mentioned are familiar to me.
    I, personally, feel guilty because I just cannot get myself to write a chapter for my story for a long time.

    Yeeees. Bipolar simmers unite!
    ~*-*-*~ My SimLit: The Echoed Fragments || A Tale of Love and Fame ~*-*-*~
  • StormyDayzStormyDayz Posts: 4,035 Member
    ninaumi wrote: »
    I can't believe that almost all issues you've described, I have as well! I am bipolar too, but I had just a few manic episodes. Though I seem to experience something like "mild euphoria/mania" sometimes. So, these things you mentioned are familiar to me.
    I, personally, feel guilty because I just cannot get myself to write a chapter for my story for a long time.

    Hypomania, I'd guess. Maybe you should try writing something new for awhile? That helps me sometimes.
    Yeeees. Bipolar simmers unite!

    Totally! ;)
  • friendsfan367friendsfan367 Posts: 29,362 Member
    ninaumi wrote: »
    I can't believe that almost all issues you've described, I have as well! I am bipolar too, but I had just a few manic episodes. Though I seem to experience something like "mild euphoria/mania" sometimes. So, these things you mentioned are familiar to me.
    I, personally, feel guilty because I just cannot get myself to write a chapter for my story for a long time.

    Hypomania, I'd guess. Maybe you should try writing something new for awhile? That helps me sometimes.
    Yeeees. Bipolar simmers unite!

    Totally! ;)

    i heard of bipolar but i'm pretty sure the few things i see on tv are exagerated so i'm not sure what is is or how to ask without sounding insensitive.
  • StormyDayzStormyDayz Posts: 4,035 Member
    i heard of bipolar but i'm pretty sure the few things i see on tv are exagerated so i'm not sure what is is or how to ask without sounding insensitive.

    Mmmm depends on what you've seen I guess. Like the stuff I'd seen on tv and movies made it out like when someone was manic they went crazy shopping and having relations with all kinds of people and doing drugs and gambling and all kinds of stuff. So when they tried to say I was bipolar I was like umm no cuz I'm nothing like that. LOL I mean, depression most anyone understands right? It's more common and doesn't really need defined. It's the mania people don't understand I think. The fact that I can suddenly feel like I can take on the world and do all kinds of stuff. Barely sleep, play Sims and write like 4 chapters a day while on the forums and Twitter the whole time too? And then boom! All that excitement and energy is gone and I can't even drag myself onto the computer. Worst part? Rapid cycling. It's like part of the day I can be really depressed and later feel really awesome and then a few hours later I'm depressed again. It's brutal. Meds are supposed to keep it from happening as much but at the same time, they all have terrible side effects.

    But anyways, that's life right? I think it wouldn't be so bad for me personally if I didn't have to deal with anxiety and agoraphobia on top of it all. But if you have a question you can ask me. I'm trying to be more open about it all. If you don't want to ask here you can PM me. ;)
  • friendsfan367friendsfan367 Posts: 29,362 Member
    i heard of bipolar but i'm pretty sure the few things i see on tv are exagerated so i'm not sure what is is or how to ask without sounding insensitive.

    Mmmm depends on what you've seen I guess. Like the stuff I'd seen on tv and movies made it out like when someone was manic they went crazy shopping and having relations with all kinds of people and doing drugs and gambling and all kinds of stuff. So when they tried to say I was bipolar I was like umm no cuz I'm nothing like that. LOL I mean, depression most anyone understands right? It's more common and doesn't really need defined. It's the mania people don't understand I think. The fact that I can suddenly feel like I can take on the world and do all kinds of stuff. Barely sleep, play Sims and write like 4 chapters a day while on the forums and Twitter the whole time too? And then boom! All that excitement and energy is gone and I can't even drag myself onto the computer. Worst part? Rapid cycling. It's like part of the day I can be really depressed and later feel really awesome and then a few hours later I'm depressed again. It's brutal. Meds are supposed to keep it from happening as much but at the same time, they all have terrible side effects.

    But anyways, that's life right? I think it wouldn't be so bad for me personally if I didn't have to deal with anxiety and agoraphobia on top of it all. But if you have a question you can ask me. I'm trying to be more open about it all. If you don't want to ask here you can PM me. ;)

    no questions so farbut thank you for explaining. since i'm friendly with everyone here who has it i was afraid of being insesitive.
  • AdamsEve1231AdamsEve1231 Posts: 7,031 Member
    @DreamsInPixels *hugs* I've missed you. And I still love your stories. I'm hoping to read more soon. I also hope you know there are those who haven't forgotten you, myself included.
    starlight-saga-return.png
    The Starlight Saga - Return to Stardew Valley Everything has a cycle: birth, life, death. And we return and return again.
  • UmbralFlowerUmbralFlower Posts: 4,494 Member
    @DreamsInPixels *hugs* I've missed you. And I still love your stories. I'm hoping to read more soon. I also hope you know there are those who haven't forgotten you, myself included.

    You really cheered me up with this. Thank you @adamseve1231 -- Even though I've been planning this new story, I've felt a little hesitant about it because "would I have readers?"

    I've been rapid cycling through emotions the last few days (flipping between manic and depressive, no in between. It's so exhausting.) and I can't focus on ideas and my motivation fluctuates.
    ~*-*-*~ My SimLit: The Echoed Fragments || A Tale of Love and Fame ~*-*-*~
  • AdamsEve1231AdamsEve1231 Posts: 7,031 Member
    @DreamsInPixels *hugs* I've missed you. And I still love your stories. I'm hoping to read more soon. I also hope you know there are those who haven't forgotten you, myself included.

    You really cheered me up with this. Thank you @adamseve1231 -- Even though I've been planning this new story, I've felt a little hesitant about it because "would I have readers?"

    I've been rapid cycling through emotions the last few days (flipping between manic and depressive, no in between. It's so exhausting.) and I can't focus on ideas and my motivation fluctuates.

    @DreamsinPixels You could always try a "test" post or two and ask a few select readers to check it out (link via PM or something). I would just go for it because I adore your stories and I like your writing style, but I'm one to talk. I launch way too many stories and I haven't the time to focus on them all. Right now, I'm trying one at a time.

    And I've been amiss in telling everyone, but since I'm here, I nominated you for the Liebster Award - https://thekrazycrazylifeofkass.wordpress.com/2017/07/26/july-updates-liebster-award-and-new-stories/.

    *hugs* I struggle with anxiety and depression, not exactly the same, but I do know what it's like to flip flop between two seeming parallel opposite emotions. All I can say is be kind to yourself, and take all the time you need.
    starlight-saga-return.png
    The Starlight Saga - Return to Stardew Valley Everything has a cycle: birth, life, death. And we return and return again.
  • MadameLeeMadameLee Posts: 32,745 Member
    edited August 2017
    I keep asking the same question about a story-idea in mutplie places and no one has bothered to give me an answer.. and i'm getting ticket off..since I probably wouldn't be getting an answer till midnight from Cathytea at the right it's going and I be asking this since like 1-2pm.
    6adMCGP.gif
  • AdamsEve1231AdamsEve1231 Posts: 7,031 Member
    @MadameLee I know how it feels when it seems like no one is responding to your posts, and you wonder if anyone has noticed. There's also a whole ton of things on the forums, and I'm sure no one is intentionally trying to overlook you, but I can't always respond to everyone about everything. Perhaps people haven't seen your questions yet, or don't know how to respond. I would say though be patient. It's summertime and things are busy for a lot of people. Not everyone has access to the forums on every device, and not everyone checks frequently. Also I'd check to see if you're posting your question in the right places... like if it's in the correct category so that it doesn't get lost in the shuffle. Give people some grace and time. I try and wait a day or two before re-posting just to give everyone time to see it, and if I don't get a response, then I'll post again. I would imagine you will get your response. :)
    starlight-saga-return.png
    The Starlight Saga - Return to Stardew Valley Everything has a cycle: birth, life, death. And we return and return again.
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