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The Kindness Bench for SimLit Writers - For All Games!

Comments

  • MadameLeeMadameLee Posts: 32,745 Member
    Karilan wrote: »
    MadameLee wrote: »
    I have a non-sim blog that I sometimes post P_ rants on. There's a case up here which is related to the U.S. and I want to rant about it on my non-sim blog but I'm not sure if I should..

    I've always had the opinion that you're free to post what you want on your blog, after all it's yours. Is it a sensitive topic? What's the reason for not wanting to post it? You can be vague if you need to. :smile:

    kind of since I don't want to rub any Americans the wrong way but both Canada and U.S. were in the wrong for this Person's case. It's just drive me nuts the issue..and being able to rant about it will get it off and I could maybe focus on my Swanson Legacy. But since it's my blog I can post what I want since I did a scatching artcile back in 2010 about Toronto's G20 and recently about how people who don't know about mental illness are treating a mentally ill man who accidently killed a police officer with a snow plow (long story).
    6adMCGP.gif
  • KarilanKarilan Posts: 2,935 Member
    MadameLee wrote: »
    kind of since I don't want to rub any Americans the wrong way but both Canada and U.S. were in the wrong for this Person's case. It's just drive me nuts the issue..and being able to rant about it will get it off and I could maybe focus on my Swanson Legacy. But since it's my blog I can post what I want since I did a scatching artcile back in 2010 about Toronto's G20 and recently about how people who don't know about mental illness are treating a mentally ill man who accidently killed a police officer with a snow plow (long story).

    Think of it this way: if you post it, and some people don't agree and stop following you, would you have wanted to keep them?
    If someone only likes or follows you because you don't speak your mind, they might not be worth your time.

    In the end though, it is your blog. :smile: I know it can be a tough decision.
    D2vFwMN.jpg
    My hubby causes chaos in How To Live With Grace - - Pine Point tells Miranda Cole's survival tale - - Criminals build legacies in Glassbolt Prison
  • MadameLeeMadameLee Posts: 32,745 Member
    I was trying to watch a production of Othello and even though I found it interesting (my 2nd time seeing it) I kept having thoughts about wanting to have children myself a thought I had many times when I'm trying to fall asleep at night which makes me upset. It was especially annoying near the end of the play that other people's children were moving around and throwing stuff and talking nearby where Mom&I were sitting (and this was an outdoor performance) My parents want me to take care of them when they're old and yet whose going to take care of ME when I'm old? I have no "Other" I never dated, never kissed anyone who wasn't a relative. I want to give my parents human grandchildren (unlike the "grandchildren" who are dogs from my sister). My sister so far doesn't want to have kids and I highly doubt she want to take care of me because she'll be 7 years older (1982) then I am now (1990) and I wouldn't want to be a burden on my cousins the closet cousin (who is an adopted half cousin by marriage) lives in Ajax with her husband but she's 6 years older then my sister and she currently has a toddler who might be 33 when I'm my parents' age. Dating sites are expensive and since I'm limited to my town for reasons I can't go into Toronto except with other people (my parents, or New Leaf and my girlfriends who are all over the place)-how can I date especially when I don't do bars?
    6adMCGP.gif
  • CathyTeaCathyTea Posts: 23,085 Member
    @Hi, MadameLee! I read your post above. Since it's not really about writing or SimLit, and since it's of a personal nature, I'm happy to share a few thoughts and ideas I had with you through our PM, if you'd like! Just let me know!
    Cathy Tea's SimLit Anthology

    Do you also play The Elder Scrolls Online? You can find me there as CathyTea, too!
  • MadameLeeMadameLee Posts: 32,745 Member
    edited July 2017
    CathyTea wrote: »
    @Hi, MadameLee! I read your post above. Since it's not really about writing or SimLit, and since it's of a personal nature, I'm happy to share a few thoughts and ideas I had with you through our PM, if you'd like! Just let me know!

    I joined OK Cupid...but I'm kind of concerned what my parents will think when they learn..I know i should be honest with them..but whenever I bring up dating, laundry, etc. Mom's like "X isn't into doning Y" so you see why I feel I need to have someone available for when I'm older then my parents? Just so I don't have to be a burden on my sister/cousins/first cousins once removed/friends
    6adMCGP.gif
  • StormyDayzStormyDayz Posts: 4,035 Member
    *plops down on the bench*

    I've had a thought and unfortunately, I can't really think of anyone to discuss it with so I thought I'd just drop it off here...

    I realized today that my fear of disappointing people when I can't keep up with stuff or of disappearing on everyone for large chunks of time is keeping me from doing practically anything at all. I feel like a complete failure half the time in the simming community. I can't keep up with hardly anyone's blogs with no real good excuse of why that is. So those that I used to follow and consider friends I avoid now because I'm embarrassed. I stopped going into the writer's lounge months ago when after a long absence I made a comment and someone who I thought was a friend didn't know who I was. I used to jump head first into everything but now I'm afraid to participate in anything because I know at some point I'm going to get too depressed to get on the computer and who knows how long it will last and I'll have disappointed everyone. So I've started just not participating at all. I barely follow any forum threads anymore. The ones I do follow, when I comment I feel like some kind of poser.

    So, what's the lesser of the two evils? Not participate in anything to avoid upsetting anyone because I know it will happen eventually or participate and feel constantly guilty when I can't keep up? I have no real answer here. I don't really need one. I'm just having a bad day and making the realization of what I've been doing made it worse.
  • CathyTeaCathyTea Posts: 23,085 Member
    Hi, Rainy ! Lots of love , lots of hugs , and lots of understanding and analogous feelings . I'm on the nook now so I'll keep this short, think more about this , and be by later with more when I can type easier .

    In the meantime , let me say I am your friend and so glad we're friends ! And I also understand that sometimes you'll need to be gone for a while and that you'll be back ! You've got an amazing track record of consistency !

    And I realized long ago that I write more than I could ever expect friends to keep up with , so I don't expect friends to read my stories .

    Lots of love ! I'll be back this evening if not sooner .
    Cathy Tea's SimLit Anthology

    Do you also play The Elder Scrolls Online? You can find me there as CathyTea, too!
  • friendsfan367friendsfan367 Posts: 29,362 Member
    CathyTea wrote: »
    Hi, Rainy ! Lots of love , lots of hugs , and lots of understanding and analogous feelings . I'm on the nook now so I'll keep this short, think more about this , and be by later with more when I can type easier .

    In the meantime , let me say I am your friend and so glad we're friends ! And I also understand that sometimes you'll need to be gone for a while and that you'll be back ! You've got an amazing track record of consistency !

    And I realized long ago that I write more than I could ever expect friends to keep up with , so I don't expect friends to read my stories .

    Lots of love ! I'll be back this evening if not sooner .

    yeah we tried to count sissy stories yesterday. we think there might be 21.
  • KarilanKarilan Posts: 2,935 Member
    Hi @Rainydayz179 and welcome. I remember having these feelings often, and I can't tell you how many diary entries, pen pal letters, and emails start with "sorry we haven't talked in a while".

    The great thing about friends, is that they understand. It can be really difficult to keep up any kind of schedule, even if it's something you enjoy! There is pressure in everything we do, but I honestly think it's worth it. Remember that school has summer break for a reason, work places give vacation, and parents trust babysitters. Everyone needs a break, I think the difference is you have to let yourself have one when you start to feel overwhelmed.

    Personally, I am posting a chapter a day on my blog and I KNOW I won't be able to keep up. But this is my first story in years, I'm ahead of schedule, and I want to build a library for people to enjoy. Once I bit of a library going I'll slow down, and I'm hoping people understand that. If they don't...well tough! :smiley:
    D2vFwMN.jpg
    My hubby causes chaos in How To Live With Grace - - Pine Point tells Miranda Cole's survival tale - - Criminals build legacies in Glassbolt Prison
  • lisabee2lisabee2 Posts: 3,708 Member
    edited July 2017
    *plops down on the bench*

    I've had a thought and unfortunately, I can't really think of anyone to discuss it with so I thought I'd just drop it off here...

    I realized today that my fear of disappointing people when I can't keep up with stuff or of disappearing on everyone for large chunks of time is keeping me from doing practically anything at all. I feel like a complete failure half the time in the simming community. I can't keep up with hardly anyone's blogs with no real good excuse of why that is. So those that I used to follow and consider friends I avoid now because I'm embarrassed. I stopped going into the writer's lounge months ago when after a long absence I made a comment and someone who I thought was a friend didn't know who I was. I used to jump head first into everything but now I'm afraid to participate in anything because I know at some point I'm going to get too depressed to get on the computer and who knows how long it will last and I'll have disappointed everyone. So I've started just not participating at all. I barely follow any forum threads anymore. The ones I do follow, when I comment I feel like some kind of poser.

    So, what's the lesser of the two evils? Not participate in anything to avoid upsetting anyone because I know it will happen eventually or participate and feel constantly guilty when I can't keep up? I have no real answer here. I don't really need one. I'm just having a bad day and making the realization of what I've been doing made it worse.

    <3 everyone understands this one .. I get so behind it is crazy! I usually set aside a portion of time every week (but sometimes it is impossible) .. I call mine reading Mondays <3

    I never mind when a friend is behind on reading .. I understand and know that for the most part they will be back. (It is one of the reasons I chop my stories up a bit .. into easier to jump in that way)

    I also avoid the forums but for a different reason .. I am apparently a forum persona non gratis .. lol when I speak (in here) no one responds. Apparently I have offended in some mysterious way a big blogger .. who knows how cause all I do is write my stories.

    The happy thing is that my demise in here was the best that could happen .. I was forced to find alternatives and they have more than compensated my losses :)

    Begs a question ... who is worse the bully or the people who jump behind to blindly support or worse yet perhaps the "it is none of my business .. I will just look away" folks ...

    Anyway, I digress ... (I have enough drama in my stories to worry about it .. last night broke my heart)

    But you dear @Rainydayz179 have always been good to me .. whether you read or not I am glad to count you among my friends! You have never disappointed me <3

    I should also add here that it is the support of lovely simmers like @CathyTea that keeps me popping into the SIMLIT forum at all.
    SebEwnF.jpg
    LisabeeSims
    New readers can visit here first: In-a-NUTSHELL
    #EAgamechanger
  • AsaoyoruAsaoyoru Posts: 247 Member
    Hello @Rainydayz179! I think it's so brave of you to come here and discuss your problems with writing. Not to say I can give you much advice, but I personally only recently discovered your blog and I think you have AMAZING projects. You finished so much and it's so awesome and you were, together with @CathyTea, a huge inspiration for starting my own legacy commentary-style. I think sometimes you might be faced with certain expectations and you probably know that oneself is always the one with the biggest expectations. I made the experience that whenever I feel like I'm not good enough for others or dissappointing others, it is really me who was feeling that way about myself. But there's no need for that at all! You have created an amazing library where everyone can plop down and read your cool projects whenever they like. You offer people entertainment for free and you are sacrificing your precious free time so that others can read your stories! I think that's an amazing gift and nobody has the right to expect something from you, let alone read their stories. We are all gifting each other and we shouldn't feel like we all have to expect something in return. At least that's what I'm feeling. I know it's harder done than said. I oftentimes feel the same way and due to having OCD I have to deal with a lot of instrinsic thoughts where my mind tells me something is horrible when it isn't. As a new and delighted reader of your stories: I will keep reading and enjoying your stories in whichever pace you want to! If there's something new? Great! If there isn't? Well there is LOADS already there to read!
    Sorry for posting here, by the way. I don't know if this is led by anyone, just wanted to give my two cents since I love your stories and have been a lurker until now :)
  • CathyTeaCathyTea Posts: 23,085 Member
    @Asaoyoru It's great that you posted here! :) The Kindness Bench is a place where anyone can post! Glad we lured you out of lurking, and I share your enthusiasm for Rainy's stories! :)
    Cathy Tea's SimLit Anthology

    Do you also play The Elder Scrolls Online? You can find me there as CathyTea, too!
  • friendsfan367friendsfan367 Posts: 29,362 Member
    Asaoyoru wrote: »
    Hello @Rainydayz179! I think it's so brave of you to come here and discuss your problems with writing. Not to say I can give you much advice, but I personally only recently discovered your blog and I think you have AMAZING projects. You finished so much and it's so awesome and you were, together with @CathyTea, a huge inspiration for starting my own legacy commentary-style. I think sometimes you might be faced with certain expectations and you probably know that oneself is always the one with the biggest expectations. I made the experience that whenever I feel like I'm not good enough for others or dissappointing others, it is really me who was feeling that way about myself. But there's no need for that at all! You have created an amazing library where everyone can plop down and read your cool projects whenever they like. You offer people entertainment for free and you are sacrificing your precious free time so that others can read your stories! I think that's an amazing gift and nobody has the right to expect something from you, let alone read their stories. We are all gifting each other and we shouldn't feel like we all have to expect something in return. At least that's what I'm feeling. I know it's harder done than said. I oftentimes feel the same way and due to having OCD I have to deal with a lot of instrinsic thoughts where my mind tells me something is horrible when it isn't. As a new and delighted reader of your stories: I will keep reading and enjoying your stories in whichever pace you want to! If there's something new? Great! If there isn't? Well there is LOADS already there to read!
    Sorry for posting here, by the way. I don't know if this is led by anyone, just wanted to give my two cents since I love your stories and have been a lurker until now :)

    cathtea set it up but anyone can post advice.


    thanks asa i was in a long dmv line earlier today. but the image of cathtea running around trying to answer everything cheered me up.
  • CathyTeaCathyTea Posts: 23,085 Member
    Hiya, everyone! :)

    I'm taking a little break from work right now and it's raining so my walk is delayed, so I thought I'd share some thoughts about @Rainydayz179 's post and also spin off on a few ideas of my own.

    Rainy, it seems like you identified three things, and I think that most of us can relate to these!

    1) Not being able to keep up with reading everyone's stories

    2) Needing to take breaks from projects, including collabs

    3) Feeling like a poser on forum threads

    You identified this dilemma: Don't participate or live with guilt of not being able to keep up

    There is, perhaps, a third way, which steps out of the dilemma (and maybe even many "third ways"): Give yourself permission to do it YOUR way.
    This means, think of it as a hobby, so you can read, write, and participate as it contributes to your overall health and well-being.

    If we can approach this in ways that fit our needs, then that means we get to choose when and what to read, rather than reading more than we have time for or reading works we just don't enjoy or that trigger us. I think it's really important to separate reading from friendship: It's nice when our friends read our work, but, in my experience, it just leads to feelings of guilt and obligation when I expect that friends will read my work--and it sometimes leads to confusion when I assume that every reader is a friend! Readers are readers, and friends are friends, and some people are both, but one doesn't require the other.

    So: Let's give ourselves permission to decide what and when and how much we read. We don't have to read everything that our friends write. If they expect us to, we can gently remind them that we're the ones who get to choose what we read (but maybe expressed in a nicer way than I expressed it there--I'm in blunt-mode today, it seems! :) )

    Same with writing. Sometimes we need a break. I seem to NEED to have lots of stories going and to start new stories whenever I feel like it. (I think you and I might share this quality a little bit, Rainy! :) ) I come back to stuff, and it always lives on in my imagination, but I seem to need to take year-long (or more) breaks, and also to start new things when that idea itches! It's OK! It's how it works for me... and my writing is done for me. I'm not one of those writers who writes for the readers. It's OK to write this way.

    It's OK to take breaks when we need or want to. And our friends, our real friends, will welcome us back when we return and respect us when our mental health, families, work, or other interests take us away for a while.

    One thing I love about how you handle breaks, Rainy, is that you let us know on your blog when you're taking a break, and I've also discovered that you always come back! I've got a lot of friends who haven't come back :( and I miss them. But that's part of the nature of online friendships.

    With the collabs that I set up (currently, Pen Pal and Alien Adoption Challenge), I've learned from past experiences that collabs can be set up in such a way that participants can come and go. @friendsfan367, @MadameLee , and I run our reading circle (Phoenix Puffclaws) in this way, too, because we know people need to leave sometimes, and we always want to respect their needs and interests and welcome them back when they return.

    So, I think you can participate in your own style, accommodating your own needs, and be included, welcomed, and valued, while you do this at your own pace, and in a way that respects your needs and health.

    Which brings us to the third point.... "feeling like a poser on forum threads." I think I'll bring that up in a different post, since this one is getting long already...
    Cathy Tea's SimLit Anthology

    Do you also play The Elder Scrolls Online? You can find me there as CathyTea, too!
  • CathyTeaCathyTea Posts: 23,085 Member
    Ok... the Forums and feeling like a poser on forum threads...

    Yeah. I feel like that! I feel that way on the Writers' Lounge, which is weird since Sissy and I created it... Depending on how outgoing I feel, I'll sometimes just post anyway. But it's always so strange to post something there and then hear crickets.... (I actually wouldn't mind if I heard crickets, because I love crickets! But I hear... nothing.)

    And a lot of the threads I choose not to participate in because they sort of bum me out... I like to approach even fictional challenges and troubled characters with understanding and compassion, and when that view doesn't seem to be welcome, I choose to stay away.

    I wonder how many other people feel, for one reason or another, that they simply don't belong in the forums, that there's not room for them here...

    One neat thing about communities is that we can influence them in some ways--I mean, we can create them!

    The type of online community that I'd strive to create would have these qualities:

    1) Welcoming
    2) Friendly
    3) Inclusive
    4) Fluid
    5) Flexible
    6) Respectful
    7) Kind
    8) Goofy and funny
    9) Personal
    10) Authentic
    11) Open-minded
    12) Accepting

    The Writers' Lounge hits some of those (welcoming, for example), but it's a bit too large without a steady enough core group of people to achieve all of those...

    The idea occurred to me that it might be useful to have a new thread that was created for those of us who feel like we're sort of casting about looking for a place where we can have this type of community. I was thinking of calling it "The Fringe," for those of us who sometimes feel like we're on the fringe...
    Cathy Tea's SimLit Anthology

    Do you also play The Elder Scrolls Online? You can find me there as CathyTea, too!
  • friendsfan367friendsfan367 Posts: 29,362 Member
    CathyTea wrote: »
    Hiya, everyone! :)

    I'm taking a little break from work right now and it's raining so my walk is delayed, so I thought I'd share some thoughts about @Rainydayz179 's post and also spin off on a few ideas of my own.

    Rainy, it seems like you identified three things, and I think that most of us can relate to these!

    1) Not being able to keep up with reading everyone's stories

    2) Needing to take breaks from projects, including collabs

    3) Feeling like a poser on forum threads

    You identified this dilemma: Don't participate or live with guilt of not being able to keep up

    There is, perhaps, a third way, which steps out of the dilemma (and maybe even many "third ways"): Give yourself permission to do it YOUR way.
    This means, think of it as a hobby, so you can read, write, and participate as it contributes to your overall health and well-being.

    If we can approach this in ways that fit our needs, then that means we get to choose when and what to read, rather than reading more than we have time for or reading works we just don't enjoy or that trigger us. I think it's really important to separate reading from friendship: It's nice when our friends read our work, but, in my experience, it just leads to feelings of guilt and obligation when I expect that friends will read my work--and it sometimes leads to confusion when I assume that every reader is a friend! Readers are readers, and friends are friends, and some people are both, but one doesn't require the other.

    So: Let's give ourselves permission to decide what and when and how much we read. We don't have to read everything that our friends write. If they expect us to, we can gently remind them that we're the ones who get to choose what we read (but maybe expressed in a nicer way than I expressed it there--I'm in blunt-mode today, it seems! :) )

    Same with writing. Sometimes we need a break. I seem to NEED to have lots of stories going and to start new stories whenever I feel like it. (I think you and I might share this quality a little bit, Rainy! :) ) I come back to stuff, and it always lives on in my imagination, but I seem to need to take year-long (or more) breaks, and also to start new things when that idea itches! It's OK! It's how it works for me... and my writing is done for me. I'm not one of those writers who writes for the readers. It's OK to write this way.

    It's OK to take breaks when we need or want to. And our friends, our real friends, will welcome us back when we return and respect us when our mental health, families, work, or other interests take us away for a while.

    One thing I love about how you handle breaks, Rainy, is that you let us know on your blog when you're taking a break, and I've also discovered that you always come back! I've got a lot of friends who haven't come back :( and I miss them. But that's part of the nature of online friendships.

    With the collabs that I set up (currently, Pen Pal and Alien Adoption Challenge), I've learned from past experiences that collabs can be set up in such a way that participants can come and go. @friendsfan367, @MadameLee , and I run our reading circle (Phoenix Puffclaws) in this way, too, because we know people need to leave sometimes, and we always want to respect their needs and interests and welcome them back when they return.

    So, I think you can participate in your own style, accommodating your own needs, and be included, welcomed, and valued, while you do this at your own pace, and in a way that respects your needs and health.

    Which brings us to the third point.... "feeling like a poser on forum threads." I think I'll bring that up in a different post, since this one is getting long already...

    sissy is right i'm in 3 reading circle now and one the stories are read for 2 weeks. and rl seemed to get hard for 2 weeks.but the writer was really nice and adam and eve understood.


    i think my point is go at your own pace..


  • friendsfan367friendsfan367 Posts: 29,362 Member
    CathyTea wrote: »
    Ok... the Forums and feeling like a poser on forum threads...

    Yeah. I feel like that! I feel that way on the Writers' Lounge, which is weird since Sissy and I created it... Depending on how outgoing I feel, I'll sometimes just post anyway. But it's always so strange to post something there and then hear crickets.... (I actually wouldn't mind if I heard crickets, because I love crickets! But I hear... nothing.)

    And a lot of the threads I choose not to participate in because they sort of bum me out... I like to approach even fictional challenges and troubled characters with understanding and compassion, and when that view doesn't seem to be welcome, I choose to stay away.

    I wonder how many other people feel, for one reason or another, that they simply don't belong in the forums, that there's not room for them here...

    One neat thing about communities is that we can influence them in some ways--I mean, we can create them!

    The type of online community that I'd strive to create would have these qualities:

    1) Welcoming
    2) Friendly
    3) Inclusive
    4) Fluid
    5) Flexible
    6) Respectful
    7) Kind
    8) Goofy and funny
    9) Personal
    10) Authentic
    11) Open-minded
    12) Accepting

    The Writers' Lounge hits some of those (welcoming, for example), but it's a bit too large without a steady enough core group of people to achieve all of those...

    The idea occurred to me that it might be useful to have a new thread that was created for those of us who feel like we're sort of casting about looking for a place where we can have this type of community. I was thinking of calling it "The Fringe," for those of us who sometimes feel like we're on the fringe...

    the outsiders. kidding because you said were all inclusive.
    oh i spelled inclusive right.i wasn't sure.
  • rednenemonrednenemon Posts: 3,205 Member
    CathyTea wrote: »
    I wonder how many other people feel, for one reason or another, that they simply don't belong in the forums, that there's not room for them here...

    This right here is why I don't really post much in the Lounge anymore.

    I feel as if I've overstayed my welcome. (No one seems to notice when I'm gone anyway :/ )
    AO3: Silver_Shortage_in_Markarth <(Where I'm usually at nowadays)
    MQ2gUyY.jpg
    Part One(Complete 9/24/16) /Part Two(on hold)/Short Stories(on hold)/Twinbrook 1996(on hold)/Ten Crystal Hearts (on hold)
    I own the TS3 Store as of 12/11/16 (sort of. It's complicated)
  • friendsfan367friendsfan367 Posts: 29,362 Member
    edited July 2017
    rednenemon wrote: »
    CathyTea wrote: »
    I wonder how many other people feel, for one reason or another, that they simply don't belong in the forums, that there's not room for them here...

    This right here is why I don't really post much in the Lounge anymore.

    I feel as if I've overstayed my welcome. (No one seems to notice when I'm gone anyway :/ )

    i miss you in the lounge .green and i talk a lot on discord and you come up alot there.


    but don't ever feel like you overstayed your welcome. i don't want to to talk to myself.
    Post edited by friendsfan367 on
  • CitizenErased14CitizenErased14 Posts: 12,187 Member
    edited July 2017
    @rednenemon you're always welcome :heart:

    I've been lurking around a bit and @Rainydayz179 and @lisabee2 I'm sorry that you guys feel unwelcome! :( I think you are both wonderful!

    I've written at length before about how the dynamics of the forums (including the lounge) seem to really be changing. I think that's a big part of the vibe others are expressing here.

    I also know that, for me, my very closest simlit friends no longer frequent the lounge, but they go on Discord and we talk there. Because of that, I tend to spend a lot more time there than hanging out in the lounge.

    I also think a lot of people have been using their reading circles as spaces to hang out instead of the lounge too. Like I said, I think it's maybe a shift in the dynamics around here? I don't think it's any conscious thing going on from anyone.
    snvAF3B.png
  • CathyTeaCathyTea Posts: 23,085 Member
    rednenemon wrote: »
    CathyTea wrote: »
    I wonder how many other people feel, for one reason or another, that they simply don't belong in the forums, that there's not room for them here...

    This right here is why I don't really post much in the Lounge anymore.

    I feel as if I've overstayed my welcome. (No one seems to notice when I'm gone anyway :/ )

    Wait! I notice you! :)<3 I'm always like, "Oh! Red's posted! Yay! I've got a story to read!" <3
    Cathy Tea's SimLit Anthology

    Do you also play The Elder Scrolls Online? You can find me there as CathyTea, too!
  • SourochaSourocha Posts: 1,465 Member
    edited July 2017
    Hey,there! I usually just lurk around sometimes, but I just thought that I had to say something...Regarding to the Loungue making some people feel as not wanted, I think that it has much to do with people staying in the Reading circles more than before...In my opinion, as the Reading circle is a smaller place, and you know wich people are on it, there are higher chances of people Actually talking with you, as if, let's say, you ask a question, you can see wich people did awnser it, and wich not, making kind of a more pression for people to awnser and ask things, while in the Loungue, you awnser as you want, and if you don't awnser, that isn't a problem, leaving many left out..And I think that there is a quantity of people that don't talk back to others, because they belive it Isn't important, such as simple coments, like"Oh, Nice." Or "That's good."...that's my thought on this, for now. :)
    Post edited by Sourocha on
  • MedleyMistyMedleyMisty Posts: 1,188 Member
    edited July 2017
    I know I'm not welcome around here. Is okay. :) I'm used to it after all these years.

    Which I went through my time of letting it get to me, and sometimes it does still bring back bad memories, but really...

    Okay, this is a lot easier to say now that I've found decent friends than it would have been before, but I guess that's sort of my point? If you're feeling icky right now, if you keep going you may find decent friends, and that will make it a lot easier.

    I hardly post in public anymore since I learned that I'm not safe here, but I do come just about every day to PM people. So if you're not comfortable in public, maybe you could chill with your friends in private? The group PM is a great tool.

    Humans are gonna human, and you're going to find gossip and cliques and social politics wherever you go. After years of dealing with a smear campaign and learning a lot about humans in the process, I've found that giant boundaries, like boundaries that are so big that they can be seen from space, are really helpful. Both in cutting people off the instant they throw up a red flag, and in not letting their toxicity in. Both of those were really really hard lessons for me to learn, and I'm still working on them, but I've made a lot of progress.

    As for finding the decent friends....I don't know. That depends on what you define as decent. But I have extremely strict qualifications, and even I've been able to find a few here. So they're out there, whoever you would think of as a decent friend.

    *hugs* Dealing with humans is rough.
    Sometimes the darkness and I tell stories.
  • friendsfan367friendsfan367 Posts: 29,362 Member
    I know I'm not welcome around here. Is okay. :) I'm used to it after all these years.

    Which I went through my time of letting it get to me, and sometimes it does still bring back bad memories, but really...

    Okay, this is a lot easier to say now that I've found decent friends than it would have been before, but I guess that's sort of my point? If you're feeling icky right now, if you keep going you may find decent friends, and that will make it a lot easier.

    I hardly post in public anymore since I learned that I'm not safe here, but I do come just about every day to PM people. So if you're not comfortable in public, maybe you could chill with your friends in private? The group PM is a great tool.

    Humans are gonna human, and you're going to find gossip and cliques and social politics wherever you go. After years of dealing with a smear campaign and learning a lot about humans in the process, I've found that giant boundaries, like boundaries that are so big that they can be seen from space, are really helpful. Both in cutting people off the instant they throw up a red flag, and in not letting their toxicity in. Both of those were really really hard lessons for me to learn, and I'm still working on them, but I've made a lot of progress.

    As for finding the decent friends....I don't know. That depends on what you define as decent. But I have extremely strict qualifications, and even I've been able to find a few here. So they're out there, whoever you would think of as a decent friend.

    *hugs* Dealing with humans is rough.

    i know you feel safer in pms thats why i thank you everytime you forget your fear when i post about my dad. because you do that for me.hugs.
  • AsaoyoruAsaoyoru Posts: 247 Member
    I think the Fringe sounds like a great idea @CathyTea! I can definitely understand the feeling of not being included. I've had some trouble with online writing communities in the past where there was a climate that was basically "mean girls in highschool" with sooo much gossiping and groups and such that I was sooner or later just thrown out because I was refusing to drop friends from other groups. I'm still amazed how nice and welcoming the community here is, even though I sometimes think that nobody really cares when I post something in the Writer's Lounge. Collabs have been a great help, especially the Pen Pal Project and the reading circles, but I would really like a place to hang out and talk for real? I feel like I'm always forcing my presence on everyone and I can't shake the feeling that people read my stuff out of pity or something like that? Still, I'm always amazed when people drop by via PM and talk to me <3 Or comment on my stories! I'm always squealing with joy when that happens.
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