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The Kindness Bench for SimLit Writers - For All Games!

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  • MadameLeeMadameLee Posts: 31,072 Member
    edited August 26
    I have this scenario where my parents aren't really letting me grow up. Besides Other Things, I been complaing for years about them not letting me date and I only discovered on Saturday they don't want me to get hurt while dating (pyschailly or emotionally) thing is now they (or more likely Mom) has said that, I have either two choices 1)go behind my parents back and date (Wednesday morns after work) I would inform other people but just not my parents or 2) live and die single (which I don't like) since Option 3 have no partner and raise a kid via plum donor (even though that way, with half-siblings if nearby, could get together with others) but that would also mean me having to raise the kid in the toxic environment I'm currently living in. So what should I do?
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  • simscognitosimscognito Posts: 16,256 Member
    I went to the doctors today for my chronic pain and my doctor thinks it might be neuropathical, which is what I have been suspecting. But the doctor didn't think there was anything he could do about it, but I don't think that's true. According to my aunt Neuropathical pain is treatable.
    I wish doctors were more up to date with some things.
    Anyway rant over. :/

    @MadameLee I'm sorry you're having trouble with your parents. Unfortunately I don't know what to advise you. Is it possible to write them a letter, writing down how you're feeling?
  • MadameLeeMadameLee Posts: 31,072 Member
    I went to the doctors today for my chronic pain and my doctor thinks it might be neuropathical, which is what I have been suspecting. But the doctor didn't think there was anything he could do about it, but I don't think that's true. According to my aunt Neuropathical pain is treatable.
    I wish doctors were more up to date with some things.
    Anyway rant over. :/

    @MadameLee I'm sorry you're having trouble with your parents. Unfortunately I don't know what to advise you. Is it possible to write them a letter, writing down how you're feeling?

    *hugs @simscognito* Sorry about the pain you're having problems with.


    They wouldn't listen even on paper..they didn't even care that as of May .. because of both SimLit and my *bacon* doctors asking me question about "getting pregnant soon?" that I want to be able to woohoo someone? They just tell me to read *bacon* books and watch TV shows to get a feel for dating. But what's good is that when i never had the REAL thing? I want to feel the real emotions of dating world..I hate being single They wouldn't allow me to date and they don't want me to volunteer-except as a 1-on-1 volunteer which I'm wary about for two reasons.. the main one is if TV is anything to go off by..old folks are going to tell stories if they're aware enough to remember stories and presumably one or more of those stories will be about their sweethearts (meeting them at dances presumably, or their marriages-like Maternal Grandparents marriage was on Maternal Grandma's birthday) . I get a triggered (ie: really upset) that I'm don't have a sweetheart of my own...just by looking at school friends' pictures of them getting engaged/married.
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  • emorrillemorrill Posts: 5,727 Member
    I went to the doctors today for my chronic pain and my doctor thinks it might be neuropathical, which is what I have been suspecting. But the doctor didn't think there was anything he could do about it, but I don't think that's true. According to my aunt Neuropathical pain is treatable.
    I wish doctors were more up to date with some things.
    Anyway rant over. :/

    Hear hear!
    Sometimes I think it's more about the money...and not about actually caring for and treating the patient. :pensive:

    I know not ALL doctors are like that, but pretty much ALL of them used to be so much better and more compassionate & informed in their care during my lifetime until about 10 years ago...... *sigh*

    Honestly though I think a lot of it nowadays is corporate (and pharmaceutical companies) that are more focused on money and making a profit that they burden the doctors with all these new polices and rules and that makes everything stressful for them. To the point that they don't want to do the extra mile...or they don't want to educate themselves on more. It's sad. :(

    Anyway, mini rant over for me too. :p

    {{{{Hugs}}}} <3 Hope you can find the right treatment. Being in any kind of chronic pain is just awful! :cry:
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    *Celebrating 30 years of QL!*
  • MadameLeeMadameLee Posts: 31,072 Member
    edited September 7
    Why should I bother answering the phone when I'm home alone, when it's my sister and she never likes to talk to me not even to leave a **** message to pass to the parents? The parents are angry I didn't answer my sister's phone call when they weren't in the house but what's the point when I know even if I AM pleasant she will just hang up and not leave a message?
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  • IvoryButterflyIvoryButterfly Posts: 1,170 Member
    MadameLee wrote: »
    I have this scenario where my parents aren't really letting me grow up. Besides Other Things, I been complaing for years about them not letting me date and I only discovered on Saturday they don't want me to get hurt while dating (pyschailly or emotionally) thing is now they (or more likely Mom) has said that, I have either two choices 1)go behind my parents back and date (Wednesday morns after work) I would inform other people but just not my parents or 2) live and die single (which I don't like) since Option 3 have no partner and raise a kid via plum donor (even though that way, with half-siblings if nearby, could get together with others) but that would also mean me having to raise the kid in the toxic environment I'm currently living in. So what should I do?
    Oh WOW, I mean... Yes i can see where your parents are coming from, but experimenting and learning how to deal with those things is part of life; flowers don't just grow from sunshine and clean water, they also have to have a bit of stinky manure to help the process too.
    But dating is also up to you, I mean,do you have suitor in mind who would like to go on a Date with you? If so, why not just go for a coffee date and see how things go?
    If you'd also like to go down the Plum Donor route, I don't see an issue with that either. Again though, that a very expensive route to take, but ... Just my opinion, you can so tell me to go get stuffed.
    Also, with your sister... just be polite and let her leave a message on the phones message service. She doesn't sound like a very nice person if she's not even going to be polite to you when you sound like you're trying to be nice to her.
    Just a thought.
    I went to the doctors today for my chronic pain and my doctor thinks it might be neuropathical, which is what I have been suspecting. But the doctor didn't think there was anything he could do about it, but I don't think that's true. According to my aunt Neuropathical pain is treatable.
    I wish doctors were more up to date with some things.
    Anyway rant over. :/
    Awww I'm so very sorry to hear that Simscognito. But yes you are right, it is curable, well, at least treatable, you might need to go get another Drs opinion about it, possibly even a specialist to assist you with what you need. Sometimes it can just take finding the right Dr who actually gives a plum *HUGS*



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    The Universe & I have agreed to disagree with each other!
  • friendsfan367friendsfan367 Posts: 26,141 Member
    i think alvins part bender. i was gonna hook him and beverly up but hes got a baby mama ehos not his girlfriend their expeting twins, so i guess its a big day in the lounge in game and rl. shad.
  • MadameLeeMadameLee Posts: 31,072 Member
    edited September 10
    MadameLee wrote: »
    I have this scenario where my parents aren't really letting me grow up. Besides Other Things, I been complaing for years about them not letting me date and I only discovered on Saturday they don't want me to get hurt while dating (pyschailly or emotionally) thing is now they (or more likely Mom) has said that, I have either two choices 1)go behind my parents back and date (Wednesday morns after work) I would inform other people but just not my parents or 2) live and die single (which I don't like) since Option 3 have no partner and raise a kid via plum donor (even though that way, with half-siblings if nearby, could get together with others) but that would also mean me having to raise the kid in the toxic environment I'm currently living in. So what should I do?
    Oh WOW, I mean... Yes i can see where your parents are coming from, but experimenting and learning how to deal with those things is part of life; flowers don't just grow from sunshine and clean water, they also have to have a bit of stinky manure to help the process too.
    But dating is also up to you, I mean,do you have suitor in mind who would like to go on a Date with you? If so, why not just go for a coffee date and see how things go?
    If you'd also like to go down the Plum Donor route, I don't see an issue with that either. Again though, that a very expensive route to take, but ... Just my opinion, you can so tell me to go get stuffed.
    Also, with your sister... just be polite and let her leave a message on the phones message service. She doesn't sound like a very nice person if she's not even going to be polite to you when you sound like you're trying to be nice to her.
    Just a thought.

    @IvoryButterfly that's the problem I don't have any suitors I haven't been asked out (but that turned out to be a trap by some "Mean Girls" in drama class) since Gr. 12. I'm allowed to go to my day program in Ajax.. but people can only be friends (most of them are older then me from like 30s to my parents' age) nothing higher if I make sense(?) and most of them already have partners anyway. I'm allowed to go occasionally to Pickering Town Centre. I started bowling again with my bowling league (but that is like my day program- is more on the older side then the younger side. I looked for options outside of using online dating for finding people but nothing works really. 1)bars are out since I don't drink and being a women, also are dangerous 2)not a coffee person so coffee houses (like Coffee Culture) are out. 3)Haven't been a bookstore in my town since I was a baby- so the three nearest "bookstores" to me are in order 1)Oshawa Centre (a mall-which is difficult to get home from) 2)Chapters in Ajax and 3) a very small bookstore in Pickering Town Centre (another mall but a lot easier to get home from). 4)asking friends when the said friends are taken what's the point in asking them? I asked all 3 of my engaged friends and they never replied back not to even say "sorry we don't." 5)Speed dating cost $$ 6)volunteering. I want to volunteer in certain places but my parents are worried about stuff-working with animals (animal shelter), working with money (a gift shop in a retirement home), or talking on the phone ( volunteer receptionist at a Grandview Children's centre). 7)classes outside of fitness classes and dance classes for adults, there are literally no classes I'm interested in outside of a First Aids class. 8) Church wouldn't work because its like both bowling and the day program all older people. That people will grow up in town (normally) move out of town to college or something, and then move elsewhere to get a job and only come back to town (IF)they do when they have children. 9)I don't work for reasons, and even if I DID work.. it would be better not to date co-workers for much the same reason people at (day-program) can't date. 10) parties - it seems to be to be invited to any party you either need a)partner or b)be working. so I never get any invites to parties since I'm neither. 11)events/clubs- either they're in Toronto (I can't go into Toronto on my own) or they cost money $$.


    In a sense I'm trapped in like sort of three different town settings..because that's where my parents will let me be myself sort of:

    my town and the parents' home which I have never left outside of going to school- mostly by feet (elementary school/high school) or by bus (college). Older people in town know me since I have lived here for 29 years (my parents been here for 36? years out of my 29) and most of their kids are around my age and few of them still live at home. But most of them have moved out. Church is similar to the town gone there for 29 entire years.. and like towns folk near where I live.. they know me because of going for 29 years. Some church people are even on the bowling league mentioned above..the bowling alley is in Oshawa. I get a ride there by either my dad or someone else. The only other place I can go is an apartment building where a social room is set aside for my day-program in Ajax.
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  • friendsfan367friendsfan367 Posts: 26,141 Member
    MadameLee wrote: »
    MadameLee wrote: »
    I have this scenario where my parents aren't really letting me grow up. Besides Other Things, I been complaing for years about them not letting me date and I only discovered on Saturday they don't want me to get hurt while dating (pyschailly or emotionally) thing is now they (or more likely Mom) has said that, I have either two choices 1)go behind my parents back and date (Wednesday morns after work) I would inform other people but just not my parents or 2) live and die single (which I don't like) since Option 3 have no partner and raise a kid via plum donor (even though that way, with half-siblings if nearby, could get together with others) but that would also mean me having to raise the kid in the toxic environment I'm currently living in. So what should I do?
    Oh WOW, I mean... Yes i can see where your parents are coming from, but experimenting and learning how to deal with those things is part of life; flowers don't just grow from sunshine and clean water, they also have to have a bit of stinky manure to help the process too.
    But dating is also up to you, I mean,do you have suitor in mind who would like to go on a Date with you? If so, why not just go for a coffee date and see how things go?
    If you'd also like to go down the Plum Donor route, I don't see an issue with that either. Again though, that a very expensive route to take, but ... Just my opinion, you can so tell me to go get stuffed.
    Also, with your sister... just be polite and let her leave a message on the phones message service. She doesn't sound like a very nice person if she's not even going to be polite to you when you sound like you're trying to be nice to her.
    Just a thought.

    @IvoryButterfly that's the problem I don't have any suitors I haven't been asked out (but that turned out to be a trap by some "Mean Girls" in drama class) since Gr. 12. I'm allowed to go to my day program in Ajax.. but people can only be friends (most of them are older then me from like 30s to my parents' age) nothing higher if I make sense(?) and most of them already have partners anyway. I'm allowed to go occasionally to Pickering Town Centre. I started bowling again with my bowling league (but that is like my day program- is more on the older side then the younger side. I looked for options outside of using online dating for finding people but nothing works really. 1)bars are out since I don't drink and being a women, also are dangerous 2)not a coffee person so coffee houses (like Coffee Culture) are out. 3)Haven't been a bookstore in my town since I was a baby- so the three nearest "bookstores" to me are in order 1)Oshawa Centre (a mall-which is difficult to get home from) 2)Chapters in Ajax and 3) a very small bookstore in Pickering Town Centre (another mall but a lot easier to get home from). 4)asking friends when the said friends are taken what's the point in asking them? I asked all 3 of my engaged friends and they never replied back not to even say "sorry we don't." 5)Speed dating cost $$ 6)volunteering. I want to volunteer in certain places but my parents are worried about stuff-working with animals (animal shelter), working with money (a gift shop in a retirement home), or talking on the phone ( volunteer receptionist at a Grandview Children's centre). 7)classes outside of fitness classes and dance classes for adults, there are literally no classes I'm interested in outside of a First Aids class. 8) Church wouldn't work because its like both bowling and the day program all older people. That people will grow up in town (normally) move out of town to college or something, and then move elsewhere to get a job and only come back to town (IF)they do when they have children. 9)I don't work for reasons, and even if I DID work.. it would be better not to date co-workers for much the same reason people at (day-program) can't date.

    As someone who used to frequent starbucks i know that coffehouses have more than just coffee. they often sell tea and you can even get just water if you want.
  • MadameLeeMadameLee Posts: 31,072 Member
    Scenerio here There are 3 people- two parents and an adult kid. The kid cooks on Fridays and one of the only item they can do all by themselves is a taco salad. Dad is sick of taco salad despite only having it about like 4 times this summer. So about 6 times this summer the kid, with help been making Chicken Caesar salad and they're sick of making it-since with the exception of the 4.5 time of taco salad (the last one being in early August), leftovers from Bible camp (hot dogs), a week when Mom and kid were out of town, and last week's Quesadillas- all they (kid+parents) been Chicken Caesar most of the summer. The Mom suggested something similar a Southwestern pasta dish, but like the Chicken Caesar salad above.. the kid needs help with part of that dish.


    a)Taco Salad-can make 100% on their own
    b)Chicken Caesar Salad-needs help cutting the chicken, unless its cuts into pre-cut pieces for me to cut more.
    c)Southwestern Pasta Salad-is similar to taco salad but need pasta help.

    Also during the school year like winter time the Dad makes the same dishes over&over* over again and the kid is told to either a)eat it or b)fend for themselves if they don't want (A,B,C) meals. So how come its fine for the parents to tell the kid to "deal with it" but yet the adult kid cook can't tell the same to their Dad?

    Also whose should be able to decide what is for *** supper: the person's who going to be cooking, their sous chef (Mom) or the one who is tired of option A (Dad)?



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  • IvoryButterflyIvoryButterfly Posts: 1,170 Member
    @MadameLee WOW... ok, that sounds like a difficult situation you're in hun. And quite frankly, I've no idea how to help... other than said advice already given. (Hate being at a loss... grrr)
    From experience with dealing with a difficult parent, sometimes you have to just swallow your pride a little bit to keep the peace, or... come to an agreement that can work for everyone.
    Example; when I moved back in with my mother in my mid 20's, she was very fussy and only ate chicken or fish; being iron deficient I HAVE to eat red meat at least 3 times a week, or I get very sick on top of everything else I'm dealing with.
    So, one afternoon I sat down with her and we had a talk. Finally we came to an agreement, I'll cook what she wants to eat, but I'm also going to cook what I want to eat. At first she didn't like it but after a while she got use to it, after all, my food wasn't hurting her or being cooked in the same pan or anything.

    And... Hi everyone, I again became very buried with my illness.
    But today I decided to fight back as much as it pained me to , I was sick of not getting done what I've been dying to do, and that was get out my next chapter and start working on my third one!

    So Happily here it is, I really really hope you guys like it, please comment and stuff too, I'd love to know what you think.
    There's also a few little extras I've added to my blog where discussions can take place too in the comments sections too, I think the World Map is particularly interesting if I do say so myself... :D :D :D

    <3

    Bound By My Family: Ch 2-Growing-Up/
    mbytI0Z.png
    The Universe & I have agreed to disagree with each other!
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