I would have put this in the Art of Sims Storytelling thread, but I feel like it's so specific to me that it might not be useful to anyone else
So I kind of think a little bit about the dialogue and language I use in Lucky Girl. Less than 1% of my readers are actually Irish, I think it's mostly people from the US and the UK, which is obviously extremely cool for me, but it does get me thinking about how easy parts of the story are to like, get. I'm stuck sometimes on the line between wanting authenticity and wanting accessibility, does the dialogue make sense? Does the cadence of their speech make sense? Irish people sometimes have a funny turn of phrase, and I didn't want to shy away from it. I write each character the way they sound in my head, and the three most "country" characters especially (Claire, Kelly & Shane) have very specific ways of saying things. For example, Irish people actually say "like" a lot, as a filler word, but it's not the same way that Valley Girls say it. It's our own specific thing. So to all of you: Do you get it? Does it make sense? Is it ever hard to read?
Similarly, I know that there are words for things here that don't mean the same things in other places. Like "Press" instead of "Cupboard", but I usually leave these things without a footnote, a little afraid of insulting the readers intelligence by having to explain what they mean. The only time I ever put a note on a chapter was to explain that Debs is the same thing (more or less) as the Prom, but I wonder would more of these explanations be useful? I'm going into a phase of the story where there might be more of these kinds of things.
It's weird to have to think about this, because I'm very used to consuming British and American media, so actually, I know how to translate the colloquialisms really easily, but I'm aware that Irish Tv shows, films and books aren't as present. Knowledge about our dialect isn't as widely spread or universally known. Equally, I'm very used to hearing a character mention Manhattan or Soho and knowing exactly where they mean, but the same will not apply for places in Ireland.
Would things like maps be useful to include? Or short explanations or what characters mean? Or anything else of the sort? I'd love to hear your comments on this!
And of course, thank you all for sticking with me and reading. You're all gems
You have captured the moods anf feelings of your characters well Im glad im not 18 anymore
Regarding above, I like you to keep the writing style. Its unique and lovely I might be biased because I have talked with my Irish friend a lot in past years, so im sort of "used to it"
Maps, if you feel certain location is important to you to let us know where it actually is located at, you can add those, or explain more if certain thing is important to know, regarding to what characters mean. Expesially for us non English native speaking readers, hehe.
just my 2 pennyes.
My love, my love, my fearless love, I will not say goodbye..
Sea may rise, sky may fall, My love will never die..
My heart, my heart, My drowning heart, Oh all the tears I've cried
Oh I may weep forevermore, My love will never die..
I love the inclusion of Irish vocabulary. It makes the story even more immersive. I understand the unique way you use words like sure for example. I can work some of the words out from the context. I love looking up words and phrases I’m not sure about because I always learn something else at the same time.
As for maps they would be helpful for some readers. I’ve spent time on Google maps in street view mode looking at different parts of the world I will likely never see in person and I’ve done that a few times already with your story. I’ve spent time looking at seaside villages in Southern Ireland and clicking around the heart of Dublin.
Your story is so fascinating and beautifully written it’s a pleasure to read it. You my dear are a gem too.❤️
I haven't found the Irish-isms a distraction or difficult to understand...the dialogue seems to flow naturally without slipping into cliches about the Irish accent. I find with writing that you develop an "ear" for the characters and how they speak so local or period slang sounds more authentic when it comes from them.
I enjoy the way your characters speak, and I haven't felt lost I'm sure there are certain things that an Irish person would notice or make a connection to, that I don't, but that's fine with me and I wouldn't want you to change how you are writing your story!
To answer your question above: Don't feel the need lose the authenticity just to make things easy to understand for US/UK readers. Almost everything seems to end up altered to cater to us, and it really shouldn't be.
If you need to, put an asterisk by a word/phrase and explain it at the end of the chapter, but don't change how you write your story just to suit your audience it terms of losing the authenticity of the Irish experience in the process. If I'm going to read a story from someone from another country, I want to see their experience, not the one that's been watered down for the English. < 3
Awh awesome, thank you all for your input, you've actually massively put my mind at ease. I had a mini panic the other day while writing something where I was like "Wait.... does this translate well? And wait... if this doesn't translate well then does ANY of this? Do people know what the heck I'm talking about half the time??" I should have never doubted you all, and I love your willingness to learn more and search terms that you mightn't have heard before.
It's funny because I already do kind of 'censor' the work already, by not using common Irish names that simply can't be pronounced in English, or using any slang that's too obscure. The names I've chosen are definitely common names here, but not anything like Aoife, Niamh, Tadhg or god forbid, Sadhbh. I wouldn't do that to any readers! I'm also so happy that it doesn't seem ham-fisted or kind of stereotype-y. The people I write are the kinds of people I've run into in my day to day life, the kinds of people I hung out with as a teenager, and they just act in ways that for me are extremely normal. One of the most important parts of this story is that I'm able to portray the experiences of average people.
I think when I move on to part two I might provide little map guides or something, just so we're all on the same page about where the characters are, but I think for the most part I'll keep it how it is - only providing explanation if i feel it's strictly necessary
@hellohannah2 Those last two chapters were beautifully written and handled.❤️
Evie's music festival started off so well but that second day, ugh. The creepy drunk guy...<shiver>. You did a wonderful job of conveying Evie's heartbreak when Jude finally revealed there was no future. That one last moment of hope, love, and letting go of the emotional rope that tied her to safety only to find herself throw back to shore, crashing into the rocks. Jen stepped in it. I don't feel like she did it intentionally but she made Evie's fall so much harder.
Yeah it was genuinely gross for me to write that scene, the random townie I used to portray him wasn't even as gross as he was in my head. Yes she really wanted to believe that things could be different, that she hung on to any nugget of hope and just believed it was true. Yes, Jen stuck her nose in where she really had no right to - she felt she was helping, but instead everything has blown up. She should have said nothing and let things play out the way they were meant to. No good ever comes from meddling!
Growing up, growing emotionally, and sorting through the wreckage of broken dreams is never easy. It’s even harder when you’re like Evie and so emotionally invested in pleasing others and seeking validation through that desire to please. It’s good that she’s in a safe space where she can begin healing from a traumatic holiday.
I was confused by the catching-up with the parents-- why they wouldn't have kept in touch and already known how each day of their children's summer was going-- but then you reminded me, this was the iPod touch era. Of course. Not only couldn't they text, unless they were the few oddballs with a Blackberry or something, but they would have only called long-distance maybe once or twice the whole summer, if there was even a phone at the vacation rental.
Yeah, it's so hard to go through that emotional stuff, especially for the very first time. She'll be okay, but it'll take time for her to steady herself again, and it's the best thing for her to be back on safe grounds again. She really couldn't have spent another second with Kelly, or around any of the reminders of what happened.
@mightysprite Yeah it truly was a different time - I have no idea how parenting is done now, but I can only assume it's far more hands on than in used to be. I remember the late 00s and early 10s really well, and while we did text and call all across the country, it totally depended on your minutes. I think I either had a Motorola or one of those phones that slid open sideways to reveal a hidden keyboard at that point, but there was definitely no internet access, and texts and calls used to cost a fortune. Evie's mother does call her in chapter thirteen, but it would have been from a landline phone, which now seems so archaic. Funny how quickly things change. I remember going away for three weeks when I was sixteen and hardly talking to my parents at all, it was just too expensive. They'd have some idea of what I was doing week to week but there wouldn't be the big recap of every detail until I was home.
I have to say, it's been very fun to remember all of these little details and incorporate them. It makes me feel a little bit old haha!
I think I'm going to post chapter 20 a little bit early - possibly on Friday. I want to give everyone a chance to catch up with chapter 19 if they haven't already but I'm eager to get part 1 finished before Christmas so that I can take some time off and get ready for part 2 in the new year.
and there's a lot of prep, lots of building and loads of characters to make. Also I'm doing an exam scene so I need like 25 students all posing at desks, which is bringing me slight dread.
Anyway, watch this space, chapter 20 coming in a couple of days!
It's longer than usual, but I have a rather large loose end to tie up, so sit down with a cup of tea and enjoy.
I'll be back in the new year with part two, as I've said, and I'll still be active on the forums until then, but all the same I want to wish you all a very happy holidays & a happy new year. Thank you all so much for reading my story this year, it's meant an incredible amount to me to be able to chat with you all and talk about my story - and also to discover so many of your amazing stories as a bonus. I wasn't sure what it'd be like for me to return to the community after 5 years of being away, but it's been absolutely wonderful, and I have all of you to thank for that.
@hellohannah2 You saved your best for last! You have done such an amazing job from start to finish. I enjoyed two cups of lovely French vanilla coffee and a butter rum muffin while reading this instead of tea and it all made for a wonderful Christmas morning.💝 Thank you for sharing Evie's story with us. Take your time and enjoy your break, you earned it dear one.🤗
Happy New Year everyone! I hope you all enjoyed your breaks (if you got one!) I'm still on holidays here, heading back to work on Tuesday so I'm making the most of my time off by lying on the couch and watching movies back to back. Also I've been playing my non-story file on the sims, which is a very nice way to chill out on a dark, winters day.
Aw, Evie is really stuck.
I wonder if being hung up on Jude to this extent says something about how secure she is in herself as an individual, or not, at this point in her young life. Maybe it's a way of avoiding thinking about the decisions and changes ahead of her.
Enjoy your last day of vacation @hellohannah2 and happy new year to you!
@mightysprite She is </3 Poor baby - the first heartbreak is always the worst, and because she's an anxious person she find it harder to move on and stop turning the events over in her mind again and again. I think you're right about her avoidance of the changes ahead, because it's easy to avoid thinking about college when your mind is full up with something else. She'll be alright eventually, but the last year was hard for her, especially as she was able to see him move on and progress in his life, while she felt stuck.
Thank you! Same to you, I hope the year ahead is a good one!
As I'm a guy I remember back in the day I was the Liam and Bootsy figure: Where my friends paired me up with a good looking girl for some event but it was obvious from the get go she was only my +1 out of sufferance and that she wanted to be anywhere else. Boy did the evenings drag on...the only thought was getting to the end, getting home and forgetting the evening!
@Kellogg_J_Kellogg Oh no - that sounds awful! It's such a typical teenage thing to do, because somehow going to an event with someone you don't want to go with is better than going alone... It doesn't make sense to me now & always ends with hurt feelings. I remember always scrambling to find a date - ANY date - before my friends and I went to an event, as though everyone would think I was a loser if I came alone. It's so silly
@hellohannah2 Happy New Year! I hope you enjoyed your holiday!
Evie keeps getting undermined by Jen and Jude. They keep getting her hopes up only to have the rug pulled out from under her. For a people pleaser that’s doubly bad. In Jen’s case it was good intentions gone wrong. Jude is just so self absorbed he has no real clue how his actions affect those around him. It is silly how society tries to stigmatize doing things by yourself.
Comments
I would have put this in the Art of Sims Storytelling thread, but I feel like it's so specific to me that it might not be useful to anyone else
So I kind of think a little bit about the dialogue and language I use in Lucky Girl. Less than 1% of my readers are actually Irish, I think it's mostly people from the US and the UK, which is obviously extremely cool for me, but it does get me thinking about how easy parts of the story are to like, get. I'm stuck sometimes on the line between wanting authenticity and wanting accessibility, does the dialogue make sense? Does the cadence of their speech make sense? Irish people sometimes have a funny turn of phrase, and I didn't want to shy away from it. I write each character the way they sound in my head, and the three most "country" characters especially (Claire, Kelly & Shane) have very specific ways of saying things. For example, Irish people actually say "like" a lot, as a filler word, but it's not the same way that Valley Girls say it. It's our own specific thing. So to all of you: Do you get it? Does it make sense? Is it ever hard to read?
Similarly, I know that there are words for things here that don't mean the same things in other places. Like "Press" instead of "Cupboard", but I usually leave these things without a footnote, a little afraid of insulting the readers intelligence by having to explain what they mean. The only time I ever put a note on a chapter was to explain that Debs is the same thing (more or less) as the Prom, but I wonder would more of these explanations be useful? I'm going into a phase of the story where there might be more of these kinds of things.
It's weird to have to think about this, because I'm very used to consuming British and American media, so actually, I know how to translate the colloquialisms really easily, but I'm aware that Irish Tv shows, films and books aren't as present. Knowledge about our dialect isn't as widely spread or universally known. Equally, I'm very used to hearing a character mention Manhattan or Soho and knowing exactly where they mean, but the same will not apply for places in Ireland.
Would things like maps be useful to include? Or short explanations or what characters mean? Or anything else of the sort? I'd love to hear your comments on this!
And of course, thank you all for sticking with me and reading. You're all gems
Regarding above, I like you to keep the writing style. Its unique and lovely
Maps, if you feel certain location is important to you to let us know where it actually is located at, you can add those, or explain more if certain thing is important to know, regarding to what characters mean. Expesially for us non English native speaking readers, hehe.
just my 2 pennyes.
Sea may rise, sky may fall, My love will never die..
My heart, my heart, My drowning heart, Oh all the tears I've cried
Oh I may weep forevermore, My love will never die..
As for maps they would be helpful for some readers. I’ve spent time on Google maps in street view mode looking at different parts of the world I will likely never see in person and I’ve done that a few times already with your story. I’ve spent time looking at seaside villages in Southern Ireland and clicking around the heart of Dublin.
Your story is so fascinating and beautifully written it’s a pleasure to read it. You my dear are a gem too.❤️
Read Sim 66 here:https://forums.thesims.com/en_US/discussion/978195/sim-66/p1
https://kelloggjkellogg.blogspot.com/2020/10/sim-66-prologue.html
If you need to, put an asterisk by a word/phrase and explain it at the end of the chapter, but don't change how you write your story just to suit your audience it terms of losing the authenticity of the Irish experience in the process. If I'm going to read a story from someone from another country, I want to see their experience, not the one that's been watered down for the English. < 3
It's funny because I already do kind of 'censor' the work already, by not using common Irish names that simply can't be pronounced in English, or using any slang that's too obscure. The names I've chosen are definitely common names here, but not anything like Aoife, Niamh, Tadhg or god forbid, Sadhbh. I wouldn't do that to any readers! I'm also so happy that it doesn't seem ham-fisted or kind of stereotype-y. The people I write are the kinds of people I've run into in my day to day life, the kinds of people I hung out with as a teenager, and they just act in ways that for me are extremely normal. One of the most important parts of this story is that I'm able to portray the experiences of average people.
I think when I move on to part two I might provide little map guides or something, just so we're all on the same page about where the characters are, but I think for the most part I'll keep it how it is - only providing explanation if i feel it's strictly necessary
It's time for everyone to speak their truth...
https://luckygirlstory.wordpress.com/2022/12/11/chapter-eighteen/
Yes! I know </3
@DaniRose2143 Thank you
It's a short one
https://luckygirlstory.wordpress.com/2022/12/18/chapter-nineteen/
Technology has changed parenting so much!
@mightysprite Yeah it truly was a different time - I have no idea how parenting is done now, but I can only assume it's far more hands on than in used to be. I remember the late 00s and early 10s really well, and while we did text and call all across the country, it totally depended on your minutes. I think I either had a Motorola or one of those phones that slid open sideways to reveal a hidden keyboard at that point, but there was definitely no internet access, and texts and calls used to cost a fortune. Evie's mother does call her in chapter thirteen, but it would have been from a landline phone, which now seems so archaic. Funny how quickly things change. I remember going away for three weeks when I was sixteen and hardly talking to my parents at all, it was just too expensive. They'd have some idea of what I was doing week to week but there wouldn't be the big recap of every detail until I was home.
I have to say, it's been very fun to remember all of these little details and incorporate them. It makes me feel a little bit old haha!
and there's a lot of prep, lots of building and loads of characters to make. Also I'm doing an exam scene so I need like 25 students all posing at desks, which is bringing me slight dread.
Anyway, watch this space, chapter 20 coming in a couple of days!
It's longer than usual, but I have a rather large loose end to tie up, so sit down with a cup of tea and enjoy.
I'll be back in the new year with part two, as I've said, and I'll still be active on the forums until then, but all the same I want to wish you all a very happy holidays & a happy new year. Thank you all so much for reading my story this year, it's meant an incredible amount to me to be able to chat with you all and talk about my story - and also to discover so many of your amazing stories as a bonus. I wasn't sure what it'd be like for me to return to the community after 5 years of being away, but it's been absolutely wonderful, and I have all of you to thank for that.
Anyway, enough. Just go read it!!
Enjoy your holidays and looking forward to reading the next part, whenever.
I've just published part 2 chapter 1 over on my blog. Here's the link: https://luckygirlstory.wordpress.com/2023/01/01/chapter-one-2/
Here's to a brilliant, story-filled 2023!
I wonder if being hung up on Jude to this extent says something about how secure she is in herself as an individual, or not, at this point in her young life. Maybe it's a way of avoiding thinking about the decisions and changes ahead of her.
Enjoy your last day of vacation @hellohannah2 and happy new year to you!
Thank you! Same to you, I hope the year ahead is a good one!
Read Sim 66 here:https://forums.thesims.com/en_US/discussion/978195/sim-66/p1
https://kelloggjkellogg.blogspot.com/2020/10/sim-66-prologue.html
Evie keeps getting undermined by Jen and Jude. They keep getting her hopes up only to have the rug pulled out from under her. For a people pleaser that’s doubly bad. In Jen’s case it was good intentions gone wrong. Jude is just so self absorbed he has no real clue how his actions affect those around him. It is silly how society tries to stigmatize doing things by yourself.