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Lucky Girl - Chapter 16 posted 24/11/22

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  • hellohannah2hellohannah2 Posts: 503 Member
    Chapter Fifteen is out now!

    HERE is the link

    Evie realizes she slept through her dinner date with Kelly.... Surely it'll be fine... right??

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  • mightyspritemightysprite Posts: 3,398 Member
    Wow!
    Evie finally did something other than just trying to be liked!!
    Isn't it funny how two friends can both feel like the inferior one, compared to the other?
    she/her

    Tales of San Myshuno
    See What Happened In Your Game Today. Index in link here

    Aliens Stole My Alien Parents
  • DaniRose2143DaniRose2143 Posts: 5,503 Member
    @hellohannah2 I did finish chapter 8 last night but after two nights of short sleep my thoughts weren't very organized. I got a night's sleep last night so I reread this morning.

    I suppose it's human nature to read a story and compare yourself and the characters. With this story, your writing paints such a vivid picture it makes that connection even stronger and Evie is like a mirror. I have always been a people pleaser like Evie, but only recently admitted how toxic that can be if it's done for the wrong reasons. It led me to repressing truths about myself that others couldn't, or wouldn't, learn to accept. It ended in the depression I mentioned last time. Evie is wise beyond her years because she already sees that she's putting other people and their feelings ahead of her own. At her age I didn't have that kind of maturity and introspection. I couldn't see how blindly putting yourself in second place leads to nothing good for you. No one should ever hurt someone else's feelings intentionally, but you have to look at the situation and ask why you're protecting them. You have to ask yourself if they're intentionally playing on that aspect of your personality. I don't feel like Liam is intentionally trying to make Evie feel guilty. He was so blinded by his feelings for her that he didn't read the signs that said their relationship wasn't where he thought it was. Jude sees that Evie is bending over backward to protect Liam's feelings and risking her own emotional wellbeing in doing it. His words feel a bit harsh, just tell Liam exactly how she feels and let him deal with it, but that's men for you.😁 I know Evie will find a way to be honest with Liam but not do it so bluntly.

    My Gallery ID: DaniRose2143
    Under The Tartosan Sun
  • hellohannah2hellohannah2 Posts: 503 Member
    @DaniRose2143 I was the very same - and I was so sure that other people must have been overthinkers in the same way that I was, which is why I wanted to write about her inner world like this. It took me until my early - mid twenties before I was able to really reflect on those things that I felt about myself and ask myself why the approval of others was so important. Now I still worry about it sometimes, but it no longer defines me. You come to a point where you need to ask yourself why you don't feel you're enough, or why you're afraid to show others who you really are.
    True - Liam is trying really hard to force a relationship based on who he wants Evie to be, and she was trying to be that for him too, but it's just not right for her, and yes, haha! Jude is harsh about it, but I wanted to make sure that he wasn't a perfect love-interest character. He's supposed to be kind of mean, but charming enough so that it somehow doesn't come off as being an especially bad trait. She will! She'll do it in her own way!

    In other news, I've just finished writing part one!! (Which is 20 chapters long, so we're not far from the end now!) and I'm so excited to publish it - ESPECIALLY chapter 16, which is my favorite in the whole thing so far. Things are about to really get interesting... But I have to resist putting it out there too early so that I don't run out of content. I'm very very excited for you guys to read it!! <3
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  • hellohannah2hellohannah2 Posts: 503 Member
    Chapter Sixteen is out now - I couldn't wait.

    It's festival time, and there must be something magic in the air...

    LINK

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  • EllupelluelluEllupelluellu Posts: 3,909 Member
    Great chapter, must of taken long time to do all that, got me absolutely into summerfest mood , here in the middle of snow and cold weather :p

    My love, my love, my fearless love, I will not say goodbye..
    Sea may rise, sky may fall, My love will never die..
    My heart, my heart, My drowning heart, Oh all the tears I've cried
    Oh I may weep forevermore, My love will never die..
  • DaniRose2143DaniRose2143 Posts: 5,503 Member
    I'm off work until December 4th so I will finally be able to get caught up. I can't think of a better way to spend my vacation(holiday), then reading Evie's story. Today is a bit of a loss being Thanksgiving here and family coming over shortly, but later tonight I can get started.❤️
    My Gallery ID: DaniRose2143
    Under The Tartosan Sun
  • hellohannah2hellohannah2 Posts: 503 Member
    edited November 24
    @Ellupelluellu Glad you enjoyed it! It was so fun to write :) I'm with you on that too - we're currently in the middle of a thunder storm here, and it's absolutely freezing. I miss the summer already D:
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  • hellohannah2hellohannah2 Posts: 503 Member
    @DaniRose2143 oh that sounds just lovely - enjoy your time off and relax! And happy thanksgiving <3
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  • mightyspritemightysprite Posts: 3,398 Member
    Aww!
    Evie, seizing the moment... maybe it will be over soon or maybe not, but you don't know if you don't try ;)

    I love that, about that first moment when you kiss someone you really like, and only then do you understand why anyone does it. <3

    ...
    she/her

    Tales of San Myshuno
    See What Happened In Your Game Today. Index in link here

    Aliens Stole My Alien Parents
  • DaniRose2143DaniRose2143 Posts: 5,503 Member
    I'm done with Chapter 9 and it was quite a roller coaster as a reader. This may get really wordy so I'm going to put it under a spoiler
    That tendency of mine to slip into Evie's shoes and her head had me going all over the place. It really hit me when they got to the abandoned church. Even though I'm into her character there is that part of my brain as a woman that was still applying the real world to the story. Jude taking her off to an isolated spot that she isn't familiar with had me thinking, 'My god Evie be careful please'. It's scary and sad how automatic that way of thinking is because I know just from the pictures of later chapters alone Evie is fine, or appears so, but I still couldn't stop thinking it and feeling genuinely scared for her safety. I was even thinking she didn't let her friends know she was going to be alone with Jude. She didn't set up any kind of safety net that if she hadn't been heard from by a certain time her friends needed to come looking.

    She's beginning to fall in love and deeper so than she's ever been. Her mind is already a swirling mass of conflicting and strange thoughts, emotions, and urges. The wild bike ride to get there had already frightened her a little, and now she's on unfamiliar ground, isolated and alone with a man she doesn't really know. She needed his help to get over the wall and in and would need it again to get out. Now he has total control of the situation and her. That is terrifying. Even though she was moved by the beauty of that stained glass window she was still inwardly frightened and that cruel joke of turning out the lights was the final straw. You could sense there was always a big part of her that wanted out of there, like right now. That she was kicking herself for allowing him to cast a spell on her that let her drop her guard and wind up trapped like that. It wasn't the flapping of bat wings alone that provoked her terror. It didn't help but it was entirely that vulnerability and him taking away the one last defense she had. I'm finding myself not liking Jude very much at the moment. I mean like really not liking him. Maybe in his mind it was all just a joke, but it was very cruel.

    That chapter really felt intense and personal. I may have to go back later and reread it to pick up other nuances. Just not right now.
    My Gallery ID: DaniRose2143
    Under The Tartosan Sun
  • hellohannah2hellohannah2 Posts: 503 Member
    edited November 26
    @DaniRose2143 Ive been thinking about your comment for ages,
    this chapter was actually one of the ones directly based off my own experience. When I was between 16 and 18 I routinely did this kind of stuff with boys, never once stopping to think about the dangers or the potential consequences - why? Because it got my adrenaline pumping, and when I had a crush on someone it really never occurred to me to think about anything else but how exciting it was to be alone with someone, and the possibilities of what could happen when nobody else was around. I used to get it trouble for it too, and I just thought that my parents were uncool for getting angry.

    Now? I would never do that. I think that the instinct to avoid potentially dangerous situations is something that we don’t always develop until a bit after teen hood. It’s SUCH a vulnerable time, and if I had a teenage daughter and found out she was doing these kinds of things, I’d have freaked out too.

    I’m only now thinking about aspects of this chapter and wondering if I kind of fudged it. Jude is meant to be a bit of a morally grey character, but not unforgivable. At least not at this point. Perhaps if I were to even go back and write the story again, I might change this part around and do it differently. The thing is though, the part with the light is something that actually did happen to me before!! Kind of. Except instead of a torch it was the headlights of his car. He told me a scary story and then switched off the headlights while driving, and I remember it being SO terrifying, but then afterwards being kind of obsessed with him for being so dangerous. (Car headlights is worse than a torch, of course. That was absolutely crazy, thinking back on it)

    The thing with writing is that you’re never sure how a piece will come across to the person reading it, it’s coloured with your own judgement and experience, so sometimes it’s hard to apply another point of view. That’s why I love when people comment, it lets me know where peoples heads are at, and how a chapter or character has impacted them. I can honestly say that this chapter wasn’t meant to be terrifying or sinister, and if it came across that way then I have to put my hands up and admit that I could have done a better job,

    Thanks so much for your feedback Dani ❤️ [\spoiler]
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  • DaniRose2143DaniRose2143 Posts: 5,503 Member
    edited November 26
    @hellohannah2 I hope how I phrased that wasn't too upsetting and I'm so sorry if it was.🤗 I just reread my comment and I should have stepped away and then commented.
    I allowed myself to see it too literally. To see it through real world eyes. When it had that kind emotional effect I should have gone and gotten another cup of coffee and reflected a bit longer on it. Reading it again would have been a good idea too, because honestly I don't why I took it all so literal or why it felt so real to me.🥺

    You are right, when we are Evie and Jude's age we don't see all the ways a situation could go wrong. We don't have the lifetime of experiences to draw from that we do now. And there is the undeniable thrill of doing things that you know shouldn't or aren't allowed to.

    I am so very sorry if my reply upset you in any way.

    My Gallery ID: DaniRose2143
    Under The Tartosan Sun
  • hellohannah2hellohannah2 Posts: 503 Member
    @DaniRose2143 oh no, not at all. Feedback is so so important, and I want to know any and all reactions that people have, it’s helpful! I also read it again through the eyes of an adult, and I do see what you mean - when I was writing it I was purely in a teenage headspace.

    Oh gosh I’m not at all upset, so please don’t worry about it ❤️
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  • DaniRose2143DaniRose2143 Posts: 5,503 Member
    @hellohannah2 I got through chapter 10 without losing my mind.🙂
    The tension between Evie and Jude, and with themselves, is so thick it almost has substance. It's all either of them can do not to give in and let their feelings, infatuation or love, carry them away. Jude is clinging to his dreams of art school in Berlin and leaving Ireland to put a wall between himself and his feelings for Evie. You can feel him clinging to that when Evie bubbles up in his thoughts. Evie is good at telling herself she's not good enough, not worthy, but her heart is chipping away at the walls her mind is putting between her and Jude and her feelings for him. Will he be gone before either one of their hearts breaks through their defenses?
    My Gallery ID: DaniRose2143
    Under The Tartosan Sun
  • DaniRose2143DaniRose2143 Posts: 5,503 Member
    edited 7:08PM
    @hellohannah2 I'm reading through Chapters 11 and 12. I'll comment on each one as I go.
    Ooo, Evie dropped her guard and spoke the truth. Kelly couldn't have been more obvious about her feelings towards Jude unless she spoke them out loud too. Evie could have handled things better with Liam but that's all part of growing up. There is no script or manual to follow to know what to do or say. You have to learn as you go and at that age it's going to go horribly wrong at times. And they were thrown together, and didn't find each other on their own. Teens do hook their friends up, but there's something in Kelly's motivation that made this worse. Kelly is very passive aggressive in the way she treats people but especially Evie. She uses that to bully Evie into doing things she's just not ready to do.
    Kelly wasted no time proving that theory, only I wasn't expecting Claire to take the brunt of it. Kelly's insecurities are more like personal demons. She has no idea how to process them and no one that she would listen to if they tried to help her.
    My Gallery ID: DaniRose2143
    Under The Tartosan Sun
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