I didn't like it when Trevor teased me, but I liked it even less when he teased Becky.
"No, we were thinking of crashing Matt's party tonight. Otherwise there won't be anyone interesting there."
Everyone was shocked, and Becky rolled her eyes, as if to say, What are you dragging me into now? We had never been to one of Matt's highly publicized parties. We were never invited, and we wouldn't have gone if we were. At least I wouldn't.
The whole class waited for Trevor's reaction.
"Sure, you and Igor can come...but remember, we drink beer, not blood!"
The whole class laughed again, and Trevor high-fived Matt.
Just then Mr. Harris blew his whistle, signaling us to hightail it off the bleachers and run like greyhounds around the track.
But Becky and I walked, indifferent to our sweating classmates.
"We can't go to Matt's party," Becky said.
"Who knows what they'll do to us?"
"We'll see what they do.
Or what we'll do.
It's my Sweet Sixteenth, remember?
A birthday to never forget!"
To be continued...
Stay tuned for Chapter 4 coming soon. Remember to bookmark this thread not to miss any updates, also if you'd like to follow my news letter not to miss any new chapters you can follow this link here
- I looked back at him and saw the terror on his face. I wasn't sure if he was scared of his friends outside or of the basement steps that might cave in at the slightest pressure... Or maybe he was afraid of ghosts. -
The most exciting things to happen in Dullsville in my lifetime, in chronological order:
1. The 3:10 train jumped its tracks, spilling boxes of Tootsie Rolls, which we devoured.
2. A senior flushed a cherry bomb down the toilet, exploding the sewage line, closing school for a week. 3. On my sixteenth birthday a family rumored to be vampires moved into the haunted Mansion on top of Benson Hill!
The legend of the Mansion went like this: It was built by a Romanian baroness who fled her country after a peasant revolt in which her husband and most of his family were killed. The baroness built her new home on Benson Hill to resemble her European estate in every detail, except for the corpses.
She lived with her servants in complete isolation, terrified of strangers and crowds. I was a small child at the time of her death and never met her, although I used to play by her solitary monument in the cemetery.
Folks said she would sit by the upstairs window in the evenings staring at the moon, and that even now, when the moon is full, if you look from just the right angle, you can see her ghost sitting in that same window gazing at the sky.
But I never saw her.
The Mansion has been boarded up ever since. Rumor had it there was a witchlike Romanian daughter interested in black magic. In any case, she wasn't interested in Dullsville (smart lady!) and never claimed the place.
The Mansion on Benson Hill was quite gorgeous to me in its Gothic way, but an eyesore to everyone else. It was the biggest house in town-- and the emptiest. My dad says that's because it's in probate. Becky says it's because it's haunted. I think it's because women in this town are afraid of dust.
The Mansion, of course, had always fascinated me. It was my Barbie Dream House, and I climbed the hill many nights hoping to spot a ghost. But I actually went inside only once, when I was twelve. I was hoping I could fix it up and make it my playhouse. I was going to put up a sign that said, NO NERD BOYS ALLOWED. One night I climbed the wrought iron gate and scurried up the winding driveway.
The Mansion was truly magnificent, with vines dripping down its sides like falling tears, chipped paint, shattered roof tiles, and a spooky attic window.
The wooden door stood like Godzilla, tall and powerful--and locked.
I snuck around the back. All the windows were boarded up with long nails, but I noticed some loose boards hanging over the basement window.
I was trying to pull them loose when I heard voices.
I crouched behind some bushes as a gang of high-school seniors stumbled near. Most were drunk and one was scared.
"C'mon, Jack, we've all done it," they lied, pushing a guy wearing a baseball cap toward the Mansion. "Go in and get us a shrunken head!"
I could see Jack Patterson was nervous. He was a handsome crush-worthy guy, the kind who should be spending his time shooting hoops or making girls swoon, not sneaking into haunted houses to win friends.
It was like Jack had already seen a ghost as he approached the Mansion.
Suddenly he looked behind the bushes where I was hiding. I gasped and he screamed. I thought we were both going to have a heart attack.
I crouched back down, because I heard the gang approaching.
"He's screaming like a little girl and he's not even in yet!" one of them teased.
"Get outta here!" Jack said to the guys. "I'm supposed to do this alone, right?"
He waited for the others to retreat and then nodded to me that it was clear.
I led the terrified senior through the moldy basement. He held on to my hand so tight I thought he would break my fingers. But it was nice to hold his hand. It was big and strong and masculine. Not like Nerd Boy's, whose tiny hand always felt squishy and smarmy.
"Where are we going?" he whispered in a terrified voice. "I can't see a thing!"
I could make out the shapes of massive chairs and sofas, covered with dusty white cloth, probably once belonging to the old woman who stared at the moon.
"I see some stairs," I said. "Just follow me."
"I'm not going any further! Are you crazy?"
"How about a full-length mirror?" I teased, peeking behind a cloth.
"I'll take one of these empty boxes!"
"That's no good. Your friends will kill you. You'll be a laughingstock the rest of your life. Believe me, I know how it is."
I looked back at him and saw the terror on his face. I wasn't sure if he was scared of his friends outside or of the basement steps that might cave in at the slightest pressure. Or maybe he was afraid of ghosts.
"Okay," I said. "You wait here."
"Like I could go anywhere? I have no idea how to get back!"
Just finished reading the new chapter on your blog. An excellent and long-awaited update. I greatly enjoyed your image work and character designs. The mansion is also great. Fantastic work.
On the negative - I understand that Raven is very happy to be in these kind of places and she is eager to describe her feelings, but it's just a tad too much. In addition, it makes her look a bit childish. I get it - she is young and the place is her "Barbie doll house", but it doesn't do her any foresees as a character. not it such quantities, at least. Her emotions are shown very well in your picture work and that is more than sufficient in my opinion.
Other than that - fantastic update, thoroughly enjoyed reading.
Just finished reading the new chapter on your blog. An excellent and long-awaited update. I greatly enjoyed your image work and character designs. The mansion is also great. Fantastic work.
On the negative - I understand that Raven is very happy to be in these kind of places and she is eager to describe her feelings, but it's just a tad too much. In addition, it makes her look a bit childish. I get it - she is young and the place is her "Barbie doll house", but it doesn't do her any foresees as a character. not it such quantities, at least. Her emotions are shown very well in your picture work and that is more than sufficient in my opinion.
Other than that - fantastic update, thoroughly enjoyed reading.
Thank you so much for taking time to read it and give me feedback, I deeply appreciate it
I considered the way a child of 12 would think and behave with as much confidence as Raven's, observing my son's behavior who's almost 11, also based on the book's description of Raven. You're very right, she is very childish in every way when it comes to her 'goth barbie mansion'
*Hint * Her character builds up to the kind of - damnn girl good for you! - as the story progresses.
I will definitely look into better positions or facial expressions for the scenes. I spend a few days on average to look for one scene's pose and trying out cas animations
@Orchidah1 I can relate. This kind of work takes time and patience. Looking for a pose can take more time than actually using it.
Well, I have to say that you've demonstrated that childishness very well. It still is just a bit too much, but it definitely does its job to show the point.
This narrative approach has its potential. If Raven's narration suddenly becomes much more serious and down to the point, then whatever is coming is a lot more serious then what was before. There is definitely a tool to be exploited.
Why do I get this sneaking suspicion that Raven might not be human (Partially or completely) or is related to non-humans? Her face during the exploration of the house reveals more than just enjoyment. To me, she looks like she ACTUALLY belongs there, not merely thinks the belongs there. As if her blood is speaking to her and she simply doesn't understand it.
Anyway, I more than certain that you know what you're doing Looking forward to the next chapter.
Im really enjoying this story, I think it is very well written, I am dying to read part 2 but on this computer it wont let me in, keeps saying bad gateway, I will try on the cell, I realllllllly wanna read it! I am always immersed so easily into your story and hate having to wait to read more, Lol thats just bc I love it, and I cannot wait to find out more, let you know more after I finally can get into part 2 , ugh I cant wait
I was able to get in on the cell, I can't wait to find out more about her and Jack, I really can't wait til the vampires show up too, I love this story so much I always look forward to wgen you post more!!!
I was able to get in on the cell, I can't wait to find out more about her and Jack, I really can't wait til the vampires show up too, I love this story so much I always look forward to wgen you post more!!!
I'm so glad you love it! Not sure what could be wrong, I've tested the link and it works. Maybe try it again. Chapter 5 is in progress of uploading
I was able to get in on the cell, I can't wait to find out more about her and Jack, I really can't wait til the vampires show up too, I love this story so much I always look forward to wgen you post more!!!
I'm so glad you love it! Not sure what could be wrong, I've tested the link and it works. Maybe try it again. Chapter 5 is in progress of uploading
I finally got it thank you!!! I had to use my laptop, I can't wait for next chapter!!!!! I've got to remember to bookmark it on there lol, your story is so exciting, thank you for writing it
Hot dаmn that was good one! Especially the whole party thing. Atta girl, Raven. Well done. I also like just how...enchanted she is by darkness and the mansion. It is almost as if she is being drawn there by some force. Beyond her own interest that is.
Once again, your image work is excellent. But I have to say that some images are a tad too dark for their own good. In some places it is appropriate, but in others it's a bit uncalled for. Just my opinion.
Also, I've noticed that Raven's choice of lipstick is a bit unflattering when she has her lips sealed. In some images it just looks like a blob on her face. But other that that she is as gorgeous as ever. I think her hairstyle from the party suits her better.
I also very much enjoyed her displays of emotion. Very well done.
Comments
I didn't like it when Trevor teased me, but I liked it even less when he teased Becky.
"No, we were thinking of crashing Matt's party tonight. Otherwise there won't be anyone interesting there."
Everyone was shocked, and Becky rolled her eyes, as if to say, What are you dragging me into now? We had never been to one of Matt's highly publicized parties. We were never invited, and we wouldn't have gone if we were. At least I wouldn't.
The whole class waited for Trevor's reaction.
"Sure, you and Igor can come...but remember, we drink beer, not blood!"
The whole class laughed again, and Trevor high-fived Matt.
Just then Mr. Harris blew his whistle, signaling us to hightail it off the bleachers and run like greyhounds around the track.
But Becky and I walked, indifferent to our sweating classmates.
"We can't go to Matt's party," Becky said.
"Who knows what they'll do to us?"
"We'll see what they do.
Or what we'll do.
It's my Sweet Sixteenth, remember?
A birthday to never forget!"
To be continued...
Stay tuned for Chapter 4 coming soon. Remember to bookmark this thread not to miss any updates, also if you'd like to follow my news letter not to miss any new chapters you can follow this link here
Rebuild World Challenge Vol. 2|U'halu Family Tree
Looking forward to the next chapter!
Anne is one of my most favorite book writers, she is indeed the nocturnal queen of darkness!
Indeed! Eternal night beckons!
Absolutely awesome design, by the way.
Looking forward to seeing more of her.
Chapter 4: Truth or Scare (part 1)
- I looked back at him and saw the terror on his face. I wasn't sure if he was scared of his friends outside or of the basement steps that might cave in at the slightest pressure... Or maybe he was afraid of ghosts. -
The most exciting things to happen in Dullsville in my lifetime, in chronological order:
1. The 3:10 train jumped its tracks, spilling boxes of Tootsie Rolls, which we devoured.
2. A senior flushed a cherry bomb down the toilet, exploding the sewage line, closing school for a week. 3. On my sixteenth birthday a family rumored to be vampires moved into the haunted Mansion on top of Benson Hill!
The legend of the Mansion went like this: It was built by a Romanian baroness who fled her country after a peasant revolt in which her husband and most of his family were killed. The baroness built her new home on Benson Hill to resemble her European estate in every detail, except for the corpses.
She lived with her servants in complete isolation, terrified of strangers and crowds. I was a small child at the time of her death and never met her, although I used to play by her solitary monument in the cemetery.
Folks said she would sit by the upstairs window in the evenings staring at the moon, and that even now, when the moon is full, if you look from just the right angle, you can see her ghost sitting in that same window gazing at the sky.
But I never saw her.
The Mansion has been boarded up ever since. Rumor had it there was a witchlike Romanian daughter interested in black magic. In any case, she wasn't interested in Dullsville (smart lady!) and never claimed the place.
The Mansion on Benson Hill was quite gorgeous to me in its Gothic way, but an eyesore to everyone else. It was the biggest house in town-- and the emptiest. My dad says that's because it's in probate. Becky says it's because it's haunted. I think it's because women in this town are afraid of dust.
The Mansion, of course, had always fascinated me. It was my Barbie Dream House, and I climbed the hill many nights hoping to spot a ghost. But I actually went inside only once, when I was twelve. I was hoping I could fix it up and make it my playhouse. I was going to put up a sign that said, NO NERD BOYS ALLOWED. One night I climbed the wrought iron gate and scurried up the winding driveway.
The Mansion was truly magnificent, with vines dripping down its sides like falling tears, chipped paint, shattered roof tiles, and a spooky attic window.
The wooden door stood like Godzilla, tall and powerful--and locked.
I snuck around the back. All the windows were boarded up with long nails, but I noticed some loose boards hanging over the basement window.
I was trying to pull them loose when I heard voices.
I crouched behind some bushes as a gang of high-school seniors stumbled near. Most were drunk and one was scared.
"C'mon, Jack, we've all done it," they lied, pushing a guy wearing a baseball cap toward the Mansion. "Go in and get us a shrunken head!"
I could see Jack Patterson was nervous. He was a handsome crush-worthy guy, the kind who should be spending his time shooting hoops or making girls swoon, not sneaking into haunted houses to win friends.
It was like Jack had already seen a ghost as he approached the Mansion.
Suddenly he looked behind the bushes where I was hiding. I gasped and he screamed. I thought we were both going to have a heart attack.
I crouched back down, because I heard the gang approaching.
"He's screaming like a little girl and he's not even in yet!" one of them teased.
"Get outta here!" Jack said to the guys. "I'm supposed to do this alone, right?"
He waited for the others to retreat and then nodded to me that it was clear.
"Damnn, girl, you scared me! What are you doing here?"
"I live here and lost my keys.
I'm just trying to get back in," I joked.
He caught his breath and smiled. "Who are you?"
"Raven. I already know who you are. You're Jack Patterson.
Your father owns the department store where my mom buys her swank purses. I've seen you working the cash register."
"Yeah, I thought you looked familiar."
"So why are you here?"
"It's a dare. My friends think the place is haunted, and I'm supposed to sneak inside and get a souvenir."
"Like an old couch?"
He smiled that same smile. "Yeah, goofball. But it doesn't matter. There's no way--"
"Yes, there is!"
And I showed him the loose boards at the basement window.
"You go in first," he said, prodding me forward with trembling hands. "You're smaller."
I slithered easily through the window.
Inside, it was really dark, even for me. I could barely make out the cobwebs. I loved it! There were stacks of cardboard boxes everywhere,
and it smelled like a basement that had been there since the beginning of time.
"C'mon already!" I said.
"I can't move! I'm stuck."
"You have to move. Do you want them to find you with your backside hanging out?"
I yanked and pushed and pulled. Finally Jack came through, to my relief, but not his.
I led the terrified senior through the moldy basement. He held on to my hand so tight I thought he would break my fingers. But it was nice to hold his hand. It was big and strong and masculine. Not like Nerd Boy's, whose tiny hand always felt squishy and smarmy.
"Where are we going?" he whispered in a terrified voice. "I can't see a thing!"
I could make out the shapes of massive chairs and sofas, covered with dusty white cloth, probably once belonging to the old woman who stared at the moon.
"I see some stairs," I said. "Just follow me."
"I'm not going any further! Are you crazy?"
"How about a full-length mirror?" I teased, peeking behind a cloth.
"I'll take one of these empty boxes!"
"That's no good. Your friends will kill you. You'll be a laughingstock the rest of your life. Believe me, I know how it is."
I looked back at him and saw the terror on his face. I wasn't sure if he was scared of his friends outside or of the basement steps that might cave in at the slightest pressure. Or maybe he was afraid of ghosts.
"Okay," I said. "You wait here."
"Like I could go anywhere? I have no idea how to get back!"
"But first..."
"What?"
"Let go of my hand!"
"Oh, yeah."
He let me go. "Raven--"
"What?"
"Be careful!"
I paused. "Jack, do you believe in ghosts?"
"No, of course not!"
"So you don't think there is a ghost here? Of that old woman?"
"Shhh! Don't talk so loud!"
I smiled with expectation.
But then I remembered his gang's dare and grabbed his baseball cap.
He screamed again.
"Relax, it's just me, not one of those spooky ghosts you don't believe in."
I carefully ascended the creaky steps and bumped into a closed door at the top.
But it opened when I turned the knob...
Chapter 4: Truth Or Scare (Part2)
I was in a wide hallway. Moonlight was shining through cracks in the boarded windows...
Read PART 2 >>> HERE
On the negative - I understand that Raven is very happy to be in these kind of places and she is eager to describe her feelings, but it's just a tad too much. In addition, it makes her look a bit childish. I get it - she is young and the place is her "Barbie doll house", but it doesn't do her any foresees as a character. not it such quantities, at least. Her emotions are shown very well in your picture work and that is more than sufficient in my opinion.
Other than that - fantastic update, thoroughly enjoyed reading.
Thank you so much for taking time to read it and give me feedback, I deeply appreciate it
I considered the way a child of 12 would think and behave with as much confidence as Raven's, observing my son's behavior who's almost 11, also based on the book's description of Raven. You're very right, she is very childish in every way when it comes to her 'goth barbie mansion'
*Hint
I will definitely look into better positions or facial expressions for the scenes. I spend a few days on average to look for one scene's pose and trying out cas animations
Thank you @ArcherDK
Well, I have to say that you've demonstrated that childishness very well. It still is just a bit too much, but it definitely does its job to show the point.
This narrative approach has its potential. If Raven's narration suddenly becomes much more serious and down to the point, then whatever is coming is a lot more serious then what was before. There is definitely a tool to be exploited.
Anyway, I more than certain that you know what you're doing
I'm so glad you love it!
I finally got it thank you!!! I had to use my laptop, I can't wait for next chapter!!!!! I've got to remember to bookmark it on there lol, your story is so exciting, thank you for writing it
Once again, your image work is excellent. But I have to say that some images are a tad too dark for their own good. In some places it is appropriate, but in others it's a bit uncalled for. Just my opinion.
Also, I've noticed that Raven's choice of lipstick is a bit unflattering when she has her lips sealed. In some images it just looks like a blob on her face. But other that that she is as gorgeous as ever. I think her hairstyle from the party suits her better.
I also very much enjoyed her displays of emotion. Very well done.
Looking forward for more.