After the previous night’s events, Harry somehow ended up in his own bed. When he woke up, his head felt like a person with a heavy hammer was pounding him without mercy.
“Come along, sir,” Lionel said at his bedside. “I have breakfast. It will cure even the worst of hangovers.”
Dutifully, (and because Harry’s stomach ached almost as bad as his head,) he rose out of bed.
Then followed Lionel along to the delicious meal waiting for him.
“Now, some of the Belle sisters will be here, tonight, Lord Horrid, so I hope you will shake off whatever it is that’s been ailing you. Your uncle Flobbish will take away this estate if you don’t cooperate.” Lionel cut into a piece of omelet.
“Ye thinks I care, troll?” Harry grumbled, putting a bite of omelet in his mouth.
It melted like butter with cheese and sauce filling him with warmth. How could he leave Lionel? His butler was such a help to him and he was grateful. He thought maybe at least meeting these women might not be such a bad thing. None were bonny as the parchment demanded, but they matched his beauty, at least, and he didn’t think troll beauty was the same as gnomes. “Er...what are these lassies like?”
Lionel’s eyes darted around and he didn’t meet Harry’s stare. “Well, they are all very witty indeed...” He bit into a huge piece of sausage making it stuff his mouth which was uncharacteristic of the more than proper troll.
“And...” Harry nudged him onward.
Chewing down the huge portion which made a gigantic ball in his cheek, the butler said after wiping his mouth, still not meeting Harry’s eyes, “They’re...well, a bit on the....what I mean to say is...oh for Reaper’s sake...they’re all ugly.”
“Ugly?” Harry roared, his eyes bulging.
Then he started to howl hysterically, doubling over, almost putting his large nose into his eggs. When he’d recovered, he asked, “Then what does witty mean? Don’t it mean bonny?”
“Bonny?” Lionel parroted. “I’ve never heard of such a term, my lord. But witty means very intelligent, charming, and entertaining, which, I’ll grant them that, although I’ve only heard whispers about them. I’ve never met them myself.” Then Lionel put down his utensils and stared at Harry. “Oh, poor sir, you’ve had such a trial with these new surroundings and a new life being foisted upon you that I cannot allow these Horrids to do this to you. The Belle sisters are not of your handsome caliber.”
“Handsome?” Harry repeated. “Och, troll, I’ve been called many things in me days but handsome is not one of them.”
“Oh but you are, my lord. Very handsome indeed and these Belle sisters will be all over you in the blink of an eye.” He patted Harry on the shoulder. “But I’ve got a plan to foil this plot. You do not have to produce an heir through them. This is just a whim on your relatives’ part. The contract states you must sire children with women who are witty! But why not women who are witty AND beautiful!”
Why not indeed? Harry mused. “What do ye have in mind, troll?”
A sneaky grin transformed the butler’s face. “With your permission, I’ll invite the most beautiful, rich, and eligible ladies in the village. You already are very famous and I know they will want to attend. Then I’ll inform Lady Dorkla that you only wish to meet one Belle sister at a time but that you have met other women who will be at the dinner party as well. This is your prerogative as master of this estate as long as you’re doing your duty to produce an heir.”
“Sly, troll, very sly,” Harry said with a laugh and a wink. “Ye have me permission to do as ye suggest. And if ye needs me, I’ll be up in the training room. Exercise has a good effect on a hangover, and I have one devil of a humdinger.”
“Of course, my lord.” Lionel bowed.
So, Harry ran on the treadmill until all the pain of the nasty drinks from the night before sweated out of him.
As the women arrived that night, Harry clearly understood that the troll meaning of bonny and the gnome meaning were two different things. Harry just shrugged at this and decided to make himself an amiable host, although he had no intentions of doing his duty as heir any time soon.
“Good evening, ladies,” Harry said, formally. His insides twinged as four pairs of eyes looked at him like he was a leg of mutton. He swallowed.
“Oh Lord Horrid,” one lady by the name of Bertha West said in a high pitched voice that wrankled Harry’s nerves. She sniffed the plate before her.
“You are a most amiable host. Quite a lovely set up you have indeed. I believe I would be most comfortable here. But I must see your bedroom at once! Would you show me?”
The other woman snorted like a pig and nodded manically saying, “Oooh yes! That’s where we’ll make such lovely woo hoo, my dear lord and master! After all, an heir must be birthed!” She plopped some lobster in her mouth and chewed like a cow.
Harry’s eyes popped out as his heart beat out of his chest. “Oh, er, well, I dinna think ye want to see that, lassies. Um and anyway, I do believe I have to speak with me butler about…um…er…the cat. Yes! The cat’s litter needs a changing and I expect that to be done at once!” He hoped they didn’t know he would rather shoot himself than own a cat, but that was beside the point at this desperate moment.
He got up to jettison himself out of that cauldron of leeches only to find himself but summarily pulled to the other end of the table by another one of Lionel’s invitees.
“Lord Horrid, I must apologize for the poor manners of these ladies tonight! You’d think they’d been raised by gnomes! Come sit with me and you’ll have nothing to worry over.”
Smiling and shaking off the heebeegeebees, Harry said, “Ah, of course, me dear lady. And ye are?”
“My name is Bloodie Massacre. I’m the sister of Chain and Body. You met them last night. Do you remember?”
The nervous feelings settled back into his stomach at the thought of those two laughing at his situation, but they weren’t mean to him, just having a bit of fun at his expense, which wasn’t too unusual. So, he put on a brave face and chuckled. “Och, aiy, I remember them. Quite funny lads. I liked them very much!”
She patted his hand and inched closer, whispering in his ear, “I’m so glad. After all, they might become your children’s uncles one day.” She blew in his ear which made Harry jump up in surprise.
“Well, now that cat litter smell is reaching me very sensitive nose. I want the place to be lovely for ye lassies, so if ye don’t mind I’ll…” but he didn’t finish his sentence. He raced out of the dining room, careened through the living area into the sanctuary of the tiny kitchen.
He gulped down a glass of water and wondered what excuse he was going to give to exclude himself from this dinner party.
Hahahaha Poor Harry, he is so shy! I laughed to tears reading about the cat and its smelling litter And what those ladies are hot, they all are ready to eat Harry together with his shoes
Waiting for the new chapter as always, thank you for such great and funny chapter @pammiechick
I have a feeling that troll beauty standards might be slightly different from Harry's. Hopefully the Belle sisters will look "normal".
But I'm enjoying all those different troll faces and names - they always crack me up.
Oooh *rubs hands gleeflully* I can't wait for Harry to meet the Belle sisters! I have a feeling it'll be like that old twilight zone episode, and I can't wait! The ladies in this episode were hilarious! Harry just had no idea what to do with all that forwardness, lol! Great fun & a great read!!
Pammie, this was an AWESOME update! I am SO tired today, but so glad I skipped my nap to read instead! I laughed so hard at poor Harry and those "bonny" troll ladies. Oh, poor Harry. I have a feeling I'm going to be typing "poor Harry" alot for awhile! hahahaha Love it!
“Ah, Lord Horrid,” Lionel said, placing the chopping block on the counter. “How is your evening going? I do hope you’re enjoying the ladies I’ve invited.”
“Och, aiy, troll. I’m enjoying them. By the way, do we own a cat?” Harry asked, looking around for any signs of cat litter, fur, or even a toy mouse.
“What do you need a walking shedding machine for? Of course we don’t have a cat. They are miserable creatures. Always meowing to get their way. And they don’t even come when they’re called. How obstinate! Anyway, what about the ladies? Whom do you fancy the most, Lord Horrid?”
“About that...er...I dinna think it best fer me to choose as of yet. I mean, there are at least eight ladies in there and it’ll take months...no YEARS for me to choose, so it’ll be a slow process.” Harry found an apple in a basket and took a bite.
“Years?” Lionel howled. “Now listen to me, Lord Horrid. You don’t have years. You have days! As soon as your uncle comes to town, he will want a full report and if you don’t have a woman at least in your bed by next Sunday, you will be out on the street. Is that clear?”
“Aiy, troll, but...”
“There are no buts. Now get in there and dazzle your beautiful guests with your Horrid charm.” Lionel pushed Harry on the back, making him stumble into the parlor.
Sighing, Harry resigned himself to a night of cat and mouse...and he definitely wasn’t the cat. If only these trolls weren’t so forward, he might be able to get to know one of them, but every time he spoke, the topic would always end up in the bedroom and he wasn’t ready for that kind of a relationship yet. His thoughts still clung to Shem.
But when he entered the room, he couldn’t believe his eyes. There sitting on the couch was none other than a green angel, looking up at him with the most gorgeous eyes he’d ever seen.
“You must be Lord Horrid. I am Bonnie Belle. My father is Sir Slay Belle—the Barron?”
Harry stood speechless for several minutes, just gaping and stammering until he finally said, “Aiy that. Bonnie. If ever there was a bonny troll, it is you, me lady.” Immediately, Harry’s nerves twisted inside and he became a tongue-tied fool, so he downed the spiked punch, never minding what it had done to him in the past. He needed something to calm himself.
“Are you sure about drinking that so fast?” Bonnie asked. “It is rather strong.”
She turned toward her friend who sat down next to her. “What do you think, Spirit? Should Lord Horrid swill drinks like he was some kind of pirate on the high seas?”
Spirit tittered. “Not if he doesn’t want to get heavy in his cups by only seven o’clock. But then again, that might be fun! He wouldn’t know what hit him and then we all could have a chance with him in the sack.” She nudged Bonnie in the side with her elbow, wiggling her eyebrows.
“Now see here, lassies! I’m not about to get out me head over one wee drink like this! And there will be no chances of anyone getting me in the sack tonight or any other night. Ye can bet yer face on that.”
Bonnie laughed. “I do believe you made him blush, Spirit!”
“I expect you’re right. He is excitable. That’s even more reason to hope, don’t you think, Bonnie?”
“I agree, “ Bonnie said, raising her hands. “Lord Horrid, are you always this charming or are you teasing us?”
Harry shrugged. “I give up, lass. Ye got me. I canna beat ye women no how. So I expect one of ye will have yer way because like ye said, I’m about to get stinkin drunk.”
Two more of Lionel’s ladies entered the room which forced Harry out of his seat and to the bar for a stiffer drink.
At that, Spirit said, “I must be off to the loo. Would you come with me, Bonnie, or are you going to have a little more fun with Lord Horrid here?”
“I’ll stay,” Bonnie said, waving to her friend.
Just then, Lionel came into the room and winked at Harry. “Don’t let that one get away. Spirit Taker is a true prize, my lord. The other one is a Belle sister. Do you see what I mean?” He then whispered behind his hand, “Uglier than a baby gnome, poor dear.”
“Aiy,” Harry agreed, just to get Lionel off his case. “But she is witty. I think I’ll talk to her just fer me uncle’s sake.”
Lionel winked. “Good plan, my lord.” Then he walked back into the kitchen.
With Lionel out of the way, Harry stared at Bonnie, marveling at her bright smile. How did he get so lucky? Maybe the fairy truly did dust him with luck all those years ago. He hoped he liked Bonnie. He could already tell she was funny and could keep him on his toes.
I knew it! I knew the Belle sisters are actualy pretty. Bonnie is so cute. She looks like a mermaid in that dress. Now I want to see the rest of the sisters!
Comments
@Maladi777 So glad you like the story and I'm sad about the father, too. Hopefully, they'll find a way to each other.
@Alleenmens Goodness! So glad you accidentally found it and liked it! Thank you for reading!
After the previous night’s events, Harry somehow ended up in his own bed. When he woke up, his head felt like a person with a heavy hammer was pounding him without mercy.
“Come along, sir,” Lionel said at his bedside. “I have breakfast. It will cure even the worst of hangovers.”
Dutifully, (and because Harry’s stomach ached almost as bad as his head,) he rose out of bed.
Then followed Lionel along to the delicious meal waiting for him.
“Now, some of the Belle sisters will be here, tonight, Lord Horrid, so I hope you will shake off whatever it is that’s been ailing you. Your uncle Flobbish will take away this estate if you don’t cooperate.” Lionel cut into a piece of omelet.
“Ye thinks I care, troll?” Harry grumbled, putting a bite of omelet in his mouth.
It melted like butter with cheese and sauce filling him with warmth. How could he leave Lionel? His butler was such a help to him and he was grateful. He thought maybe at least meeting these women might not be such a bad thing. None were bonny as the parchment demanded, but they matched his beauty, at least, and he didn’t think troll beauty was the same as gnomes. “Er...what are these lassies like?”
Lionel’s eyes darted around and he didn’t meet Harry’s stare. “Well, they are all very witty indeed...” He bit into a huge piece of sausage making it stuff his mouth which was uncharacteristic of the more than proper troll.
“And...” Harry nudged him onward.
Chewing down the huge portion which made a gigantic ball in his cheek, the butler said after wiping his mouth, still not meeting Harry’s eyes, “They’re...well, a bit on the....what I mean to say is...oh for Reaper’s sake...they’re all ugly.”
“Ugly?” Harry roared, his eyes bulging.
Then he started to howl hysterically, doubling over, almost putting his large nose into his eggs. When he’d recovered, he asked, “Then what does witty mean? Don’t it mean bonny?”
“Bonny?” Lionel parroted. “I’ve never heard of such a term, my lord. But witty means very intelligent, charming, and entertaining, which, I’ll grant them that, although I’ve only heard whispers about them. I’ve never met them myself.” Then Lionel put down his utensils and stared at Harry. “Oh, poor sir, you’ve had such a trial with these new surroundings and a new life being foisted upon you that I cannot allow these Horrids to do this to you. The Belle sisters are not of your handsome caliber.”
“Handsome?” Harry repeated. “Och, troll, I’ve been called many things in me days but handsome is not one of them.”
“Oh but you are, my lord. Very handsome indeed and these Belle sisters will be all over you in the blink of an eye.” He patted Harry on the shoulder. “But I’ve got a plan to foil this plot. You do not have to produce an heir through them. This is just a whim on your relatives’ part. The contract states you must sire children with women who are witty! But why not women who are witty AND beautiful!”
Why not indeed? Harry mused. “What do ye have in mind, troll?”
A sneaky grin transformed the butler’s face. “With your permission, I’ll invite the most beautiful, rich, and eligible ladies in the village. You already are very famous and I know they will want to attend. Then I’ll inform Lady Dorkla that you only wish to meet one Belle sister at a time but that you have met other women who will be at the dinner party as well. This is your prerogative as master of this estate as long as you’re doing your duty to produce an heir.”
“Sly, troll, very sly,” Harry said with a laugh and a wink. “Ye have me permission to do as ye suggest. And if ye needs me, I’ll be up in the training room. Exercise has a good effect on a hangover, and I have one devil of a humdinger.”
“Of course, my lord.” Lionel bowed.
So, Harry ran on the treadmill until all the pain of the nasty drinks from the night before sweated out of him.
As the women arrived that night, Harry clearly understood that the troll meaning of bonny and the gnome meaning were two different things. Harry just shrugged at this and decided to make himself an amiable host, although he had no intentions of doing his duty as heir any time soon.
“Good evening, ladies,” Harry said, formally. His insides twinged as four pairs of eyes looked at him like he was a leg of mutton. He swallowed.
“Oh Lord Horrid,” one lady by the name of Bertha West said in a high pitched voice that wrankled Harry’s nerves. She sniffed the plate before her.
“You are a most amiable host. Quite a lovely set up you have indeed. I believe I would be most comfortable here. But I must see your bedroom at once! Would you show me?”
The other woman snorted like a pig and nodded manically saying, “Oooh yes! That’s where we’ll make such lovely woo hoo, my dear lord and master! After all, an heir must be birthed!” She plopped some lobster in her mouth and chewed like a cow.
Harry’s eyes popped out as his heart beat out of his chest. “Oh, er, well, I dinna think ye want to see that, lassies. Um and anyway, I do believe I have to speak with me butler about…um…er…the cat. Yes! The cat’s litter needs a changing and I expect that to be done at once!” He hoped they didn’t know he would rather shoot himself than own a cat, but that was beside the point at this desperate moment.
He got up to jettison himself out of that cauldron of leeches only to find himself but summarily pulled to the other end of the table by another one of Lionel’s invitees.
“Lord Horrid, I must apologize for the poor manners of these ladies tonight! You’d think they’d been raised by gnomes! Come sit with me and you’ll have nothing to worry over.”
Smiling and shaking off the heebeegeebees, Harry said, “Ah, of course, me dear lady. And ye are?”
“My name is Bloodie Massacre. I’m the sister of Chain and Body. You met them last night. Do you remember?”
The nervous feelings settled back into his stomach at the thought of those two laughing at his situation, but they weren’t mean to him, just having a bit of fun at his expense, which wasn’t too unusual. So, he put on a brave face and chuckled. “Och, aiy, I remember them. Quite funny lads. I liked them very much!”
She patted his hand and inched closer, whispering in his ear, “I’m so glad. After all, they might become your children’s uncles one day.” She blew in his ear which made Harry jump up in surprise.
“Well, now that cat litter smell is reaching me very sensitive nose. I want the place to be lovely for ye lassies, so if ye don’t mind I’ll…” but he didn’t finish his sentence. He raced out of the dining room, careened through the living area into the sanctuary of the tiny kitchen.
He gulped down a glass of water and wondered what excuse he was going to give to exclude himself from this dinner party.
Sucker for pain - Evina's story
Waiting for the new chapter as always, thank you for such great and funny chapter @pammiechick
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@roseinblack69 LOL! Glad you laughed. I'm laughing with poor Harry, too. ;P Thank you for reading, dear!
But I'm enjoying all those different troll faces and names - they always crack me up.
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Do you also play The Elder Scrolls Online? You can find me there as CathyTea, too!
@sabreene Hmmm...not sure which Twilight episode you're referring to...would love to know!
@CathyTea LOL! You crack me up! Yeah...there's A LOT of green going on and I'm afraid it's not going away any time soon! Ha!
@Kaytee45 Thank you!!!
Twilight Zone - Eye of the Beholder
We used to watch all the old b&w Twilight Zone marathons every holiday, so they really stick with me! (Plus, it was a great episode.)
“Ah, Lord Horrid,” Lionel said, placing the chopping block on the counter. “How is your evening going? I do hope you’re enjoying the ladies I’ve invited.”
“Och, aiy, troll. I’m enjoying them. By the way, do we own a cat?” Harry asked, looking around for any signs of cat litter, fur, or even a toy mouse.
“What do you need a walking shedding machine for? Of course we don’t have a cat. They are miserable creatures. Always meowing to get their way. And they don’t even come when they’re called. How obstinate! Anyway, what about the ladies? Whom do you fancy the most, Lord Horrid?”
“About that...er...I dinna think it best fer me to choose as of yet. I mean, there are at least eight ladies in there and it’ll take months...no YEARS for me to choose, so it’ll be a slow process.” Harry found an apple in a basket and took a bite.
“Years?” Lionel howled. “Now listen to me, Lord Horrid. You don’t have years. You have days! As soon as your uncle comes to town, he will want a full report and if you don’t have a woman at least in your bed by next Sunday, you will be out on the street. Is that clear?”
“Aiy, troll, but...”
“There are no buts. Now get in there and dazzle your beautiful guests with your Horrid charm.” Lionel pushed Harry on the back, making him stumble into the parlor.
Sighing, Harry resigned himself to a night of cat and mouse...and he definitely wasn’t the cat. If only these trolls weren’t so forward, he might be able to get to know one of them, but every time he spoke, the topic would always end up in the bedroom and he wasn’t ready for that kind of a relationship yet. His thoughts still clung to Shem.
But when he entered the room, he couldn’t believe his eyes. There sitting on the couch was none other than a green angel, looking up at him with the most gorgeous eyes he’d ever seen.
“You must be Lord Horrid. I am Bonnie Belle. My father is Sir Slay Belle—the Barron?”
Harry stood speechless for several minutes, just gaping and stammering until he finally said, “Aiy that. Bonnie. If ever there was a bonny troll, it is you, me lady.” Immediately, Harry’s nerves twisted inside and he became a tongue-tied fool, so he downed the spiked punch, never minding what it had done to him in the past. He needed something to calm himself.
“Are you sure about drinking that so fast?” Bonnie asked. “It is rather strong.”
She turned toward her friend who sat down next to her. “What do you think, Spirit? Should Lord Horrid swill drinks like he was some kind of pirate on the high seas?”
Spirit tittered. “Not if he doesn’t want to get heavy in his cups by only seven o’clock. But then again, that might be fun! He wouldn’t know what hit him and then we all could have a chance with him in the sack.” She nudged Bonnie in the side with her elbow, wiggling her eyebrows.
“Now see here, lassies! I’m not about to get out me head over one wee drink like this! And there will be no chances of anyone getting me in the sack tonight or any other night. Ye can bet yer face on that.”
Bonnie laughed. “I do believe you made him blush, Spirit!”
“I expect you’re right. He is excitable. That’s even more reason to hope, don’t you think, Bonnie?”
“I agree, “ Bonnie said, raising her hands. “Lord Horrid, are you always this charming or are you teasing us?”
Harry shrugged. “I give up, lass. Ye got me. I canna beat ye women no how. So I expect one of ye will have yer way because like ye said, I’m about to get stinkin drunk.”
Two more of Lionel’s ladies entered the room which forced Harry out of his seat and to the bar for a stiffer drink.
At that, Spirit said, “I must be off to the loo. Would you come with me, Bonnie, or are you going to have a little more fun with Lord Horrid here?”
“I’ll stay,” Bonnie said, waving to her friend.
Just then, Lionel came into the room and winked at Harry. “Don’t let that one get away. Spirit Taker is a true prize, my lord. The other one is a Belle sister. Do you see what I mean?” He then whispered behind his hand, “Uglier than a baby gnome, poor dear.”
“Aiy,” Harry agreed, just to get Lionel off his case. “But she is witty. I think I’ll talk to her just fer me uncle’s sake.”
Lionel winked. “Good plan, my lord.” Then he walked back into the kitchen.
With Lionel out of the way, Harry stared at Bonnie, marveling at her bright smile. How did he get so lucky? Maybe the fairy truly did dust him with luck all those years ago. He hoped he liked Bonnie. He could already tell she was funny and could keep him on his toes.
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Oh dear, is it even possible for the other sisters to be prettier, I mean uglier?
HEFFNER LEGACY│Simblr│Heffner Legacy Discussion │ Origin ID: Maladi