I got the idea the location is otherworldly, or something to that effect. The scene is plausible enough.
Excellent it is quite otherworldly. But there's not a lot of "anything" in the landscape so I was hoping that that didn't make it too weird to read.
I'm no expert on grammar, but I do see what might be spelling errors ("I am way too young to die", "Did you choose to come here", I think it should be).
I shall correct those posthaste! I have a terrible habit of reading what I think I wrote and not the letters I actually wrote.
She does come off as a bit scary, even before she demands what she demanded near the end. I kept getting a sort of bad vibe.
The first time I wrote this I think she was too calm, so it seems like I didn't go overboard. She's a bit unstable... Bad vibe is a perfect explanation.
Hmm...I'd say add a little more to the conversation. Otherwise, it might be too confusing.
Nods. I thought that might be the case. I've added a bit more so she actually teaches James something. That way the entire conversation isn't a completely waste of time.
Not sure how to pass the ball to the next person...does someone have something to share for this next week?
Check out Raerei's Fortress for Builds, Short Stories, and maybe some longer stuff.
Hello my darlings! I'm back from university and all things chaotic so I'd like to rejoin the discussions (thank you @Ojenn for tagging me in). I think I'll start with my toe in the water and just comment on others' writing for a few sessions first and see if anything comes up behind the scenes that I'd like to submit.
Hope everybody is well and I'll be back later with my contributions
Comments
I got the idea the location is otherworldly, or something to that effect. The scene is plausible enough.
Excellent it is quite otherworldly. But there's not a lot of "anything" in the landscape so I was hoping that that didn't make it too weird to read.
I'm no expert on grammar, but I do see what might be spelling errors ("I am way too young to die", "Did you choose to come here", I think it should be).
I shall correct those posthaste! I have a terrible habit of reading what I think I wrote and not the letters I actually wrote.
She does come off as a bit scary, even before she demands what she demanded near the end. I kept getting a sort of bad vibe.
The first time I wrote this I think she was too calm, so it seems like I didn't go overboard. She's a bit unstable...
Hmm...I'd say add a little more to the conversation. Otherwise, it might be too confusing.
Nods. I thought that might be the case. I've added a bit more so she actually teaches James something. That way the entire conversation isn't a completely waste of time.
Not sure how to pass the ball to the next person...does someone have something to share for this next week?
Hope everybody is well and I'll be back later with my contributions