Figured I'd toss this bit of advice out for anyone in a similar situation as me.
Apparently the latest update did something funky to the settings in the game - where before I went about 3 days of sweet, smooth playability, today I went to play and BOOM, crash on startup. I cleared my tray folder, still crashed. Uninstalled, redownloaded, and it loaded far enough to ask for the patch. I patched, and again, BAM, crash on launch.
On a whim, I right clicked the icon in my start menu (I'm running Windows 7), and clicked "Run As Administrator" and the game fired right up.
May not be the solution to everyone's problems, but I doubt I was the only one tearing his hair out trying to get the game to actually launch.